Original subtitles

There are times in your life when you find yourself

in very awkward situations.

I mean, just look at that face, Jo.

Abby needs you.

We need you.

And we're willing to pay.

And this would be one of those moments.

But I swear, it's not like I'm selling my kidney or anything.

Although, that would have been less painful.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me start at the beginning.

And it's the big day, the qualifying race of the Indy 500.

- She takes her position... - This is my dad.

...revs the motor of her stock car, hoping...

To not crash and burn on the last lap of adolescence.

- Oh, that's my girl. - Dad built engines for race cars.

And so did I.

Ignore the pigtails. I was more naive back then.

Because of his work, I changed schools

two times a year for the past eight years.

This doesn't make me a loner with a highly evolved defense mechanism or anything.

OK, fine, it does.

Today, everything was about to change.

It was my first day at North Shore High,

the last stop before Carnegie Mellon University,

my dream school.

My rules of survival were simple:

Don't stand out, never raise your hand in class

and watch your back at all times.

New town, same school, same parking lot.

Everyone obsessed with the freedom of their first car.

It's an identity, like the muscle cars who think they own the road,

and check out every passing vehicle.

- Smart cars who don't fit in. -

- Whoa! - The "I'm so perky I might

shake off my tube top" cutesy cars.

- - And then there's the most dangerous vehicle on the road,

the high-performance, high-maintenance sports cars.

♪ Like a girl changes clothes ♪

If they liked you, your life was all green lights.

- Hi. - Hi.

If they didn't,

you were nothing more than a wreck on the side of the road.

♪ That you're not gonna change ♪

♪ 'Cause you're hot Then you're cold ♪

♪ You're yes Then you're no ♪♪

At North Shore, they were called the Plastics,

and Mandi Weatherly was the number one Plastic.

She dotted her name with a signature heart above the "I."

Probably because she didn't actually possess that organ.

Her two sidekicks were Chastity Meyer,

who was stupid enough to hit a home run with any boy willing to play,

and Hope Plotkin, uber-hypochondriac,

who believed that germs led to ugliness,

and ugliness led to death.

And thus, my number one rule for survival: no girl drama.

- - Actually, no drama, period.

Please, please, don't be ruined!

And in high school, an already embarrassing moment can go from bad...

- Whoa! - Oh!

...to worse.

- Are you OK? - How bad do I look?

She couldn't have looked worse.

- You look great. - Really? Thanks.

I'm Abby Hanover. Yeah, you must be new.

I'm part of the welcoming committee. Well, there's only two of us really and...

...and I'd... I'd love to show you around.

- Are they gone? - Yeah.

Listen, I think I can find my way to the front office, thanks.

So, Jo, I see your dad's big in NASCAR.

Well, let me set your mind at ease.

We know how to deal with celebrities here at North Shore.

One of our lunch ladies was on the first season of American Idol.

- Good to know. - Yeah, it was pretty hot.

- And, uh, we're also aware of your many moves. - OK.

'Cause we're aware that students who move around a lot

often wind up as serial killers or actors.

Hey, did I mention we have an excellent drama department?

I'm not really into drama,

but I do know you have an advanced shop class.

Ah, menial laborer rather than intellectual.

I can respect that.

Um, the cheerleading squad

will be going to the public library for a field trip.

Now, last year, we had some problems with that,

where we had 12 girls go,

and we had 15 girls come back.

I know how much you all love vampires,

but remember, the school nurse will be

heading up the blood drive, so sign up for that now.

Home ec's down the hall, miss.

Actually, as refreshingly sexist as that is,

I'm here for Advanced Shop.

- Drafting class. - Right.

Well, we lost Mike to that circular saw incident,

so you can be Tyler's partner.

OK, everybody, get started on your birdhouses.

Trusses or triangles, I don't care.

That's about all I can deal with right now.

- Hey, Tyler, I'm Jo. - Hey.

- What's his deal? - Well, uh, Mr. Giamatti

bleeds Texas A&M maroon and white, and they lost Saturday.

Well, if they want to be taken seriously, they better beat the Longhorns.

Don't let Giamatti hear you say that.

And just when a guy seems all dreamy

and has eyes you can fall into...

So we have to build a lame birdhouse. Um...

I guess you could decorate it.

...he opens his mouth and sounds like an ass.

Wow, thanks.

But I was thinking I could

carve the dovetail joint.

- I'm impressed. - That makes one of us.

In every school, students have their lunch gang.

As my dad says, your racer is only as good as your pit crew.

Cutest dog ever, Mandi!

Thanks! Coco Chanel really sets off my new purse.

You had her checked for rabies, right?

Too bad you couldn't get the new Prada bag with the fringe.

Would've totally matched her brown fur.

Hello! Fringe is so out.

And I'm at the top of the wait list for the new, patent leather Prada satchel.

But you've already waited, like, six months for the fringe...

Of course, Mandi, fringe is so past tense.

Vogue says crimson is the new accessory,

and you're totally gonna rock that look.

Oh, I know.

Lost much, little freshies? Scram.

Ten dogs in a minute. Let's do this!

You guys are goin' down. We're gonna win, come on.

- Yeah. Yeah, let's go, let's go. - Come on.

- Nick, focus! - Come on, man.

Chastity, stop drooling.

You know what Mandi thinks about you and Tyler.

What are you talking about?

Do not play dumb with me.

I don't have to play dumb.

Besides, the cashier totally sneezed on your salad.

Ew!

- Ugh! - Pay up, you two losers.

- -

Ugh, God, Nick is just so nasty.

I'm only dating him 'cause he's probably getting a full ride to UCLA.

You know, one week in LA and I'll be

a bikini model-hyphen-reality star-hyphen-awesome!

- I heard Amy Hall is totally into him. - Oh, she wouldn't dare.

Nickie, over here. I missed you.

- Hey, babe. - Hey, have you been lifting weights?

- Oh, dude, your rat-dog just tongued me. -

Shut up, Nick. You'll hurt Coco Chanel's feelings.

- Aah! - No groping south of the equator.

- Or north, creep. -

Wow, the hot chick can really handle herself.

- Wonder what else she can handle. -

- Who the hell is she? - Her name is Jo, Jo Mitchell.

She's in my bio class.

Somebody said she came somewhere, from, like, Florida or Texas.

Then I also heard that she's an exchange student from Russia.

Oh, what did they exchange her for?

She's kinda pretty, don't you think?

Well, if you're into pleather.

Hello, there. Hi, Coco Chanel.

Go back to Mandi, go on. Go, go, go.

- All right, just a little bit. -

- - Where's Coco Chanel?

Bad little girl.

- -

- -

Oh, my God! Who did that?

- Who fed Coco Chanel? - It was Abby.

- Abby did it. - You? Again?

I'm sorry, I didn't know. I'm really sorry, Mandi!

I'll buy you another purse.

Or you can just have mine.

Is that what I think it is?

- Uh-oh, duck. - I love ducks.

It's, um, the Prada fringe purse.

My dad got it for me last month, but...

Last month? Ugh, just go!

- Aah! - Oh!

Stay down there, and don't ever look at me again.

Better yet, don't even breathe the same air.

Hey. Well, how was it?

I saw a girl become roadkill in the cafeteria.

Gotta love high school.

Speaking of my escape, has my Carnegie Mellon application arrived?

Hey, you know, I was lookin' today,

and I saw that the University of Ohio has a great architectural program.

You could stay close to home,

transform Toledo into an architectural wonderland.

Dad, what's going on?

I'm applying early decision to Carnegie Mellon.

Eh, what do you wanna go there for, huh?

They don't even have a good mascot. I mean, a Scottish terrier.

Who's gonna be intimidated by that?

Plus, you, uh...

You qualify for in-state tuition here.

Oh, my God.

What happened to my tuition?!

Aw, Jo... Look, I'm sorry.

I kept hoping that the market would rebound,

but my investments are in the tank, and now NASCAR sponsors have cut spending...

Then make them un-cut spending!

Mom went to Carnegie Mellon, I... I have to go there.

- She loved it! - I know, I know.

I'm sorry I let you down.

I know you're disappointed, Jo, and that's OK.

Honey, you don't always have to be so strong.

Strong? I was trying not to panic.

But when you've moved as much as I have,

you kinda get attached to the idea of settling down in one place for four years.

In this case, my mother's alma mater.

My dad and I have been on our own for a long time.

My mom died before I was one.

So life wasn't exactly your typical warm and fuzzy greeting card.

But I wasn't the only one in my own personal hell.

Abby was hoping that her swollen, black ankle

might be enough for Mandi to forget about her dog's infamous upchuck.

And it might have been,

if not for the two's long history.

Jealousy is a funny thing.

They had lived across from each other for years.

And while Mandi, seemingly, had everything,

Abby had more. She had two parents

who went a little overboard for their darling Abby.

First, there was the infamous moon bounce war at age five.

Mandi's was cool,

but Abby's was three stories high.

Yay!

Then, the French Revolution Halloween meltdown

at age 11.

Mandi flaunted her store-bought peasant costume,

until she spotted Abby's utterly perfect,

hand-stitched, Marie Antoinette royal gown.

And finally, the great bra incident of junior high.

- Hi, Mandi. - Hi.

Well, that had more to do with nature.

Still, Mandi might have found someone else to hate,

if Abby hadn't done the unthinkable.

Mandi, oh, my God! Someone has a better parking space than us.

Hey, babe, who snagged the plush disabled spot?

I guess you're number two now.

Two? Two?

Mandi hated being number two.

- This is war. - Oh, God.

- Elliot, we need a little favor. - Sure.

- Chastity. -

- Hey. - Anything.

- You're on the Web team, right? - Of course.

Trained in Java and C++.

I also have my Math Club Card, Hacker Membership, Journalist Pass,

- and I do a little salsa for the ladies. - Oh!

How can I be of service?

- Oops. -

- Sorry. - Oh, gross!

Abby Scabby's face looks as red and pussy as it did in seventh grade.

Zit cream much?

Mandi was creative, ruthless, unrelenting.

- I'd seen her kind before. - Need a napkin?

And this was just the beginning.

Brutal.

You know, most girls would have laughed, texted back or posted a status update.

Do I look like most girls?

- -

Oh, God.

What a paint job!

Need another one?

Hey, Abby, let me give you a ride home.

I don't bite.

- Nice house. - Thanks.

Abby? Honey, what's wrong?

- May I help you? - Oh, hi.

I gave Abby a ride home from school, and she dropped this.

What happened to Abby's car? Did she have an accident?

She had an accident, didn't she? Was she hurt?

No, it wasn't an accident. It was just some girls at school.

Again? I knew we should have sent her to St. Mary's.

Right. Well, tell Abby, Jo said goodbye.

She's a wreck.

Our poor baby, she keeps saying that everybody hates her.

I'll buy her some new clothes, a week at a spa.

Money's not gonna fix this, Sidney.

She's sobbing her eyes out, and I don't know what to do.

If only she had some friends.

Listen, Jo, she's devastated.

But it's her senior year, and I want it to be perfect.

I mean, just look at that face.

She needs you. We need you.

And we're willing to pay.

- What? - For you to be her friend.

Two, three, 4,000 to get you started.

- You're crazy. - Wait, please.

I have more money than I know what to do with.

And if I can't buy my daughter's happiness, then what is it worth?

- You can't buy friends. - OK. Don't call it a friend.

Call it her bodyguard, guardian angel, fairy god-sister.

There must be something you want.

Some dream I can help come true.

A new car? A trip to Europe? College?

College.

Today's economy, it's rough out there.

You need money for college, and it isn't cheap.

- Let me pay for yours. - Forget it.

Look, just try it out for 30 days, risk-free.

I guarantee you'll be happy you did.

And just for trying, I'll buy your college books for freshman year,

which are yours to keep, no questions asked, as my little gift to you.

Sidney was pretty convincing,

and I should have realized why.

He was the king of infomercials.

He could sell anything from meat juicers to cat toilets

to my college tuition.

I knew it was crazy.

But Abby'd have a good senior year,

and I'd get my dream of Carnegie Mellon University.

I figured, who would it hurt?

Four hundred people already viewed it.

That computer geek lived up to his promise.

Which is like a rarity in life, that anyone ever comes through.

Especially fathers and doctors.

Not my legs, Chastity, my face.

Getting all red and splotchy. Ugh.

- Uh-oh. - What?

You're never gonna believe this.

What do you mean?

Someone posted a link on your page to another video.

Look, it's that new girl, Jo. She totally bailed Abby out.

Ugh, who is this girl? Some bad-ass biker chick?

- There's tons of comments. - Ugh.

- All the guys think she's hot. - OK.

So she's hot.

She's well-connected.

I mean, she's pretty much one of us.

So we'll just need to make it very clear that,

from here on out, she's only nice to the people we like.

- Agreed? -

Mandi, can I get a quote from you on the school play,

or the lacrosse team, or just, like, anything, really?

God, I am not up for the paparazzi this morning.

It's so embarrassing how much they love me.

I'm Mandi, with an "I." And you're Jo, right?

- That's me. - So, Jo, since you're new here,

I thought we'd help you out, let you know who to hang out with.

- Us. - The real welcoming committee had arrived.

- And who not to. - Did I say "welcoming?"

Uh, oh, wow.

Thanks.

But I think I can figure that out on my own.

Really? Well, I... I haven't been impressed so far.

- Excuse me? - But I'm a benevolent dictator,

so why don't we discuss over a non-fat, no-sugar raspberry Frappuccino

- at the coffee joint? - We only use Skinny-and-Sweet.

It's like cellulite in a straw, but without the cellulite.

As scientifically interesting as that sounds,

I'll have to pass.

Oh, it wasn't a question.

Oops. Guess I answered anyway.

Oh, my God. Hi.

I'm Quinn Shinn, editor of the school paper.

That was unbelievable. Nobody turns Mandi down.

- I just didn't feel like going. - You're kidding, right?

No, the Plastics are goddesses. And Mandi can, like, ruin you.

I wrote one article on school uniforms,

and she put strawberries in my yogurt.

How horrible for you?

Oh, I had an allergic reaction to the strawberries,

swelled up like a big Arothron hispidus. That's a blowfish.

Be careful, Jo.

Thanks, but I'm not that worried.

Hey, what's up?

So you dropped your notebook, but I gave it back to your dad.

Pretty cool sketches. Are you an artist?

Look, it's cool, I get it. You don't have to...

- Get what? - Principal Duvall sent you.

But look, the welcoming committee was just a stupid idea.

I mean, really, you're the first new student here in ages,

so you're off the hook.

- Thanks for the ride, though. - Sure.

Registration for AP test has closed.

Now...

Uh, now, we all know the tradition here at North Shore

is to, uh, use the Homecoming Dance...

...to fund-raise for charity, OK?

‘Cause otherwise you all would just the think

the world revolves around you and football.

And it doesn't, OK?

I told you not to walk in front of...

Babe, I already chose your tuxedo, rented the limo and...

Oh, red rose corsage, not a frigging carnation.

- Mandi, you are so winning Homecoming Queen. - Totally winning.

...the school nurse will be heading up the blood drive,

- so sign up for that now. - Please.

Like I'm letting that petri dish of a clinic stick a needle in me.

I know! And no matter what I said...

- Hey, uh, do you know where I could catch the bus? - I think it just left.

Classic. This is why I really need to fix my bike today.

Do you know any good auto parts shops? I've gotta get a new spark plug.

Well, I... I think there's Pete's Auto right next to the coffee joint.

I could give you a ride if you want.

I mean, I really owe you one anyway.

Sweet, thanks.

Oh, look, it's Jo! Hey, Jo!

- Hey. - She's with Abby Hanover!

Hi.

Thanks for the lift.

Do you wanna come inside?

I'll probably break something, but... but sure.

- Who's that? - Um, my mom.

She's really pretty.

Yeah. She was.

- What are these? - Um...

That's the Sydney Harbor Bridge and a skyscraper I've been designing.

Kind of hard to tell, I'm a crappy artist.

- I could help, if you want. - Really?

Uh, you're pretty talented, based on those sketches I saw.

You should see my paintings sometime.

Uh, actually, you don't have to. It's a bad idea...

No, that'd be really cool.

OK. You ready to go change a spark plug?

My gosh, is that a friend?

Maybe you were right.

Girls aren't so bad after all.

Hello, Mr. Winkle!

Are those illegal parts? I'll bet you're running a chop shop over there.

Well, I've installed security cameras, and I'll be watching you.

- You hear? - Goodbye, Mr. Winkle.

Jo Mitchell, you have no idea how scary I can be.

Hey, Abby! How are you?

- Ah! -

- I can't get up! - Are you all right?

I don't know. Pull me as hard as you can.

OK.

- Now what? - Uh, help me up.

OK.

Seriously? Who would ever think of something so childish,

yet brilliant, except a bunch of mean girls?

- Hey, Mandi. - Hi.

- Now, what do we do? - I would've strangled her right there...

Meet me in the bathroom.

Bring any spare clothes that you have.

...if I could get off the Vespa.

Wow. Bad-ass!

- So cool. -

Coming through!

Sorry!

Are you OK?

This is all my fault.

You should've never hung out with me.

Mandi's gonna make your life a living hell.

Abby, you can't live in fear.

- Did you find me something to wear? - Just my art smock.

That'll have to do. Thanks.

- Do you need my help? - I think I got it.

- How do I look? - Great.

- -

- Hey, nice look. - It's not funny.

- I'm not joking, it's hot. - Thanks.

No unauthorized videos of my students on the monitor.

By the next day, I hoped everyone would have forgotten about my wardrobe malfunction,

but it wasn't what I was expecting.

Apparently, holding your head high after a Mandi vendetta earned you points.

- Oh, my gosh, this is so cool! - You started it.

It was your smock.

- It's cute. - It's pathetic.

I could smear paint all over my Versace, but I have taste, style.

They're just sheep.

Chastity, make out with the student intern in the front office, get Jo's file.

Hope, stalk her.

I want to know everything.

Wow, this is amazing.

You shouldn't waste your talent on sketches for me.

Oh, I don't mind.

All right, what should we work on first?

Um, well, I love building cars with my dad,

but I wanna... I wanna design something more lasting and permanent.

I.M. Pei, for instance, designs the most amazing buildings,

- and Joseph Strauss... - Built the Golden Gate Bridge.

Yeah, my family went there last summer. It's pretty awesome.

- Well, then, why don't we start with San Francisco? - All right, cool.

Oh, um, yeah, and if my dad asks, this is a school project.

He thinks artists are, like, homeless hippies, so...

- I don't wanna get you in trouble. - Oh, no, no, no!

I need some more samples for my portfolio anyway.

I'm applying to NYU Design School.

- Or, as I tell my dad, Columbia Pre-Med. -

These are... They're incredible.

Thanks.

Tyler, late. Sit.

While I was breaking all my rules with Abby,

I figured I could enjoy a few other things

North Shore had to offer.

He could walk in late any day he wanted.

♪ You're taking over my heart ♪

♪ Taking over my head Making me rewind ♪

♪ Everything that you said I can't concentrate ♪

♪ My mind hesitates Everything that you do ♪

♪ I stop on a dime When you come around ♪

♪ It's always the same Don't you know you're my favorite distraction? ♪

- Hey. -

Oh. Hi.

OK, everybody, big day today.

A&M beat Arkansas in overtime on Saturday. Yes!

Oh, and today, we commence the great egg-drop project.

Young lady, that is where we drop a boiled egg in a parachute without it breaking.

You'll be judged on style and structure.

And if you'd just like to opt out and bring in deviled eggs for the class...

Tempting, but doesn't the top student have the option

to submit for the Thompson-Bird Architecture scholarship?

Yes, not that any of you slackers care.

Eligibility for the scholarship requires a 4.5 GPA,

at least a 2300 on your SATs, math and verbal,

top scores on all class projects

and a glowing letter of recommendation from me.

- And as you know, I don't glow often. -

Let me guess, we're gonna have to win.

Pretty much.

Well, then maybe we should get in some extra study time.

Go to a movie or something?

- Tomorrow night? - Sounds good.

- Hey! - Guess what?

Tyler just asked me out.

It was amazing, having a friend to confide in.

Jo, you can't. It'd be a big mistake.

- Or not. - You don't know who he...

He's my shop partner, and I've seen him without a shirt.

Good enough for me.

♪ Can't stay this way forever ♪

♪ Let's stay this way forever ♪

Oh, my God! Tyler is a total traitor.

- She's so crossed the line. - Who has?

That bitch, Jo. God, Nick, keep up.

And give me your car keys.

Don't.

- Where you goin'? - Nowhere. Out with a friend.

Your friend's got a nice car. And your friend is also a guy.

Goodbye, Dad. I'll be home by ten.

- - Nice wheels.

Nick insisted I borrow his car.

I figured you take cars pretty seriously, so I took him up on it.

Does that mean I get to drive?

Yes.

- Oh, thank you. - After you.

Thank you very much.

♪ Doctor, won't you help me please? ♪

♪ Don't know where to go I'm down on my knees ♪

♪ I need you ♪

- ♪ I need you ♪ - ♪ My mother said pick the very best one ♪

♪ The very best one is Y-O-U ♪♪

I gotta admit, Jo, you did pretty good.

No screaming on the roller coaster,

a solid stomach on the Gravitron.

And kicking your ass at bumper cars.

I like a guy who can take the heat.

Oh, really?

How many guys are you looking at?

Come on, Jo.

Four schools in three years?

How many? Six boyfriends? A dozen?

None.

But I'm sort of breaking all my rules this year.

You've never had a boyfriend?

Shut up! So I never played Spin the Bottle,

I never suffered through Seven Minutes in Heaven.

Never...

...kissed anyone?

♪ So I fell into your hands ♪

♪ I don't know where we'll land ♪

♪ I'm just going with the flow ♪

♪ Giving me love, love, love ♪

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Giving me love, love, love ♪

♪ Ah, ah More than I ever need ♪

♪ Your love ♪♪

...beginning of the blood drive this month, so sign up now.

That's it from me, I'm your principal.

You know me. I'll see you in the hallways.

Remember, stay left, or right...

- How'd it go? - Perfect, you had nothing to worry about.

- - Hello, North Shore,

Last night, our new girl Jo Mitchell

had a first date, and more.

Come on, Jo. How many? Six boyfriends? A dozen?

None. But I'm sort of breaking all my rules this year.

Oh, God. This isn't happening.

- You've never had a boyfriend? - Shut up!

So I never played Spin the Bottle,

I never suffered through Seven Minutes in Heaven, I...

Never... kissed anyone?

That's right, Jo Mitchell is a virgin!

- - She's a virgin?

Ah, young love. Isn't it pathetic?

Jo, I'm so sorry. It's gonna be OK, I promise.

Emergency slumber party?

Thanks, Abby.

You're the best. I'm...

I'm sorry I didn't listen.

And Abby was the best.

Which only made me feel worse.

I was totally lying to her,

the one person who kept having my back.

Maybe I deserved Mandi's torture.

Jo, I'm sorry, I didn't...

How could you set me up like that?

I hope you and Mandi are very happy together.

I can't believe him!

Jo, how are you holding up?

Elliot wanted to do a story on virgins in high school,

but I totally nixed it.

- Uh, hi. You're Jo, right? - Yeah.

Guys. Last year, all three of us fell for this jerk of a senior.

We put out, and he dumped us the next day.

We should have waited, like you, for the right guy.

- Yeah, no kidding. - Yeah.

Tyler wasn't exactly the right guy.

He was just another one of Mandi's puppets.

Yeah, well, we just wanted to tell you we think you're awesome.

- Yeah, definitely. - See you around.

Thanks!

Why does he even put up with her?

Why wouldn't he? You can't choose your siblings.

- What? Siblings? - I thought he told you.

- Tyler is Mandi's stepbrother. - I'm such an idiot!

- I thought they were just hooking up. - Oh, gross!

But now you see why it was so easy for Mandi to bug your date.

No way, not Tyler. It had to have been someone else.

Oh, my God. We were in Nick's car.

- You dick! You bugged the car? - Come on, man.

- I thought it was fun... - Don't you turn your back on me, Nick!

What are you gonna do, Tyler? You're gonna hit your best friend?

- Break it up! That's enough! - Can't you take a joke?

- I'm gonna mess you up! - You don't scare me!

- You don't scare me. -

Punch me! Bring it on!

Well, that was fun.

Hope, what else do we have on the Virgin Queen?

Well, a 4.5 GPA, high SATs, three AP classes and...

Oh, she's applying for architecture scholarships.

Her dream, Carnegie Mellon University.

- Hm. - OK, so one more time.

She's never made out with anyone... ever?

Or this week?

Hey, not so fast.

Uh, today's your lucky day. We got a sale going on.

- Twenty percent off all grade changes. - Look, just leave me alone.

Look, I'm just trying to say I'm sorry, OK?

I was clouded by lust.

And if it helps, I got kicked off the Web team for abuse of power.

You're still a jerk.

At least your shirt's funny.

Nice fight in the cafeteria. I could smell the testosterone.

Does this mean I'm forgiven?

Well, it's not your fault that your dad married Mandi's mom.

But next time, warn me that you live with Mandi

in a totally platonic way.

Wait, you thought...?

Dude, gross!

But despite Quinn and Abby's urging,

I refused to stoop to Mandi's level.

Besides, I was having so much fun with my new friends, I almost didn't care.

You coming?

Who are those girls? Do they even go to our school?

I was just looking at the Homecoming Web site,

and everybody's talking about the hot, new couple.

Nick and I are the hottest couple in school.

Not anymore.

So this was it, the first challenge.

Success was worth 100 points,

and I needed every point I could get to qualify for the scholarship.

Boiled egg in the structure. No breaks, no bruises.

- Ready? - Ready.

And... drop!

OK, who switched the eggs?

Who? No one?

Oh, well. Who's next?

Mandi had found a new part of my life to destroy:

my chance at the Thomson-Bird scholarship.

Our next experiment didn't go much better.

- You ready? - Yeah.

Hope called her doctor on speed dial

and switched our CO2 for laughing gas.

Whoa!

Hey, guys, I'm here.

Seriously, Chastity?

I said "incognito", not "like a flamingo"!

- Oh. - Go.

Ew! Ew! Ew! There's poo on my Jimmy Choo!

Shake it off, shake it off.

Go, slow.

Faster!

Uh, I can't go any further.

What is the matter with you?

Funnel.

The funnel!

- Oh, there you go. - Right. Secret weapon?

- Oh! - Hope, a fanny pack, never OK.

Coffee?

Perfect.

- Dad, what's going on? - It's ruined.

- The whole motor is gummed up. - What? What happened?

- It was running perfectly yesterday. - I don't know.

I don't know, maybe it's the fuel, a faulty part.

It doesn't matter because Jimmy and the boys are expecting a trial run tomorrow.

Dad...

We can figure something out.

There's not enough time, and there's not enough money.

Maybe I can call in a favor, uh, beg for an extension,

tell 'em it was some kind of fluke accident, I don't know.

But this was definitely no accident.

Mandi had gone too far.

Mess with me, fine.

Mess with my family...

...you're dead.

It was as if all my girl hormones had kicked into overdrive,

and I was out for blood.

The Plastics were going down,

and I didn't care what rules I had to break...

...to make her pay.

- What happened? - Mandi happened.

Is that all you got?

Going after my dad, you spoiled, narcissistic bitch!

That's his job, not some play-toy for you!

- But it was so much fun. -

The way I figure it, no job, no income, no house, no JoJo.

- Right? - I don't run away that easy.

Get over yourself, man-hands.

You're just a passing phase.

I'm here for the long run.

Oh, yeah? Are you sure about that?

Ooh! Coffee?

Abby, you don't need to do this with me.

Of course I do. It's what best friends are for.

There's something I need to tell you.

This was it, the moment to tell Abby

I'd made a deal with her father that I totally regretted,

and beg for forgiveness.

But looking at her,

the idea of losing my first best friend in a long time,

I couldn't do it.

So, what do you need to tell me?

I, um...

You should know, my last BFF relationship

crashed and burned.

She became snobby and judgmental

and used guys as pawns of warfare,

which is saying a lot, considering it was fourth grade.

Geez! Sounds like a mini-Mandi.

- But don't worry, we're nothing like that. -

Success! OK.

I grabbed all the archived papers with the Plastics,

which was pretty much every issue.

- If there's dirt, we'll find it. - What's this?

Mandi's Annual Birthday Bash. Everybody wants to be invited.

But, of course, they aren't. Mandi never allows anybody to throw a party when she does.

Is that so?

I am so excited.

Tonight is gonna be the perfect night.

It should be. It's costing my dad enough.

Our dad, Tyler.

You know, most people would die to be my brother.

That's only because they don't know what you're really like.

You mean perfect, awesome and popular?

More like conceited, vain and vindictive.

You're only happy when making others miserable.

But high school will end, Mandi.

And then what will you have left?

This is a bad idea. Nobody's gonna show up.

Of course they will. Who wants to go to some expensive party

with cocktail dresses and raw fish,

where Mandi talks about how awesome she is?

People who think Mandi's awesome.

No one actually thinks that.

Trust me, it's just years of social brainwashing.

- - Ooh!

Wait, why aren't you guys ready? Huh?

- People will arrive any minute! - We are ready.

No! No!

- Abby, no! Honey! - Mom...

I bought you all those party clothes for a reason.

Now you don't have an excuse, because you're actually the host.

Huh? Come on. Come on, come on! Come on, let's go.

- Come on, sugar, let's go! -

Come on! My little girl is throwing a party!

- Seriously? - Mom, stop.

Now, Jo, you know you're not gonna have this little body forever.

- Mom! - I'm just saying she oughta show it off.

- Mom, just stop! - In something like this.

- Ugh! Ilene Hanover! - Definitely.

I knew it!

- Invitation, miss? - I don't have one.

Oh, no, I'm sorry, it's invite only.

Okay.

Thank you, thank you all so much for coming to my birth...

Where... Where is everyone?

♪ Spend it up so big ♪

♪ So the whole world knows my love for you ♪

♪ So big My heart is so big ♪

♪ My love is so big For you ♪

♪ For you, for you ♪

Wow! I can't believe this!

I can't believe this is my house, my party!

Believe it.

- You both look amazing. - Thanks, you're not so bad yourself.

This party rocks! Only where's the food?

Oh, I heard Mandi's serving nigiri sushi.

- That's sushi. - Pizza's coming.

Pizza.

This is a disaster of epic proportions!

I mean, don't panic, Mandi.

Maybe they just got the wrong address.

Or... what if Jo and Abby

are throwing a party tonight?

Stating the obvious much, moron?

- What are we gonna do? - Not go over there?

He's inside!

♪ Ooh, ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ♪

♪ Now I wanna do it up so big ♪

Hope, do you still have that vile medicine from your doctor?

You mean the ipecac? Of course.

- - Oh!

♪ Before she got your boy doing crazy things ♪

♪ That I never thought I'd ever do ♪

Elliot hasn't stopped staring at you all night.

Really? But he's Elliot.

Thanks.

Oh, thank God, I'm starving.

Do these smell funny?

Maybe the delivery guy mixed up our order.

- Here you go. Thanks. - No problem. Glad to help.

- Wait! Don't eat that. - What? Why?

Because I'm not the only one who paid the pizza guy.

OK, it's done.

Their party's about to get extremely unsanitary.

- What'd I miss? - Oh, nothing, honey bear.

We just have a party to attend.

Oh, and I wouldn't wear nice shoes if I were you.

Perhaps galoshes.

- Happy not your birthday! - Really, Chastity?

Joke.

Wait, nobody's puking.

Oh, thank God!

I mean, damn it!

Where's the pizza?

What the hell happened?

God, Nick, go do something!

- Look at those two. - God, what does Tyler even see in her?

Get over it already, Chastity. My brother is off-limits.

Like what you say matters, Mandi.

You can't even throw a birthday party.

Shut up!

I'll be right back.

Man, the food's all gone.

Oh, Nick, I saved you a piece of pizza. One second.

Why is Mandi here?

Well, I think she was hoping to gloat over a party disaster,

which, if I can count on Nick, won't take long.

- Bon appetit. - Thank you.

Mandi, can I see your invitation?

Because I'm pretty sure I left "Vapid Bitch" off the list.

You think you're so clever, but you're not.

You're just using my brother to get back at me, and I'm gonna make sure that he knows that.

Not everything is about you, Mandi. Especially not my love life.

At least I have one.

Where's your boyfriend on your birthday?

You wanna see a love life, little virgin?

I'll show you.

- -

Oh, my God, did he just...?

Oh! Oh God, move! Move!

Yep. Sorry about your patio.

Oh, totally worth it!

♪ Concerning nobody else, just you ♪

And we didn't just stop there.

Abby, Quinn and I set out to disband the Plastics

once and for all.

We called ourselves the Anti-Plastics.

Not very original, but it got the point across.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

- ♪ So here's my confession ♪ - We gathered our forces.

But as the Anti-Plastics grew,

Mandi started recruiting for her side.

♪ It's time, it's time ♪

♪ I want my name on the marquee ♪

♪ I want you to want me ♪

It was time to break apart the founding members,

starting with Chastity.

So we simply tipped Principal Duvall.

Oh! Oh, Principal Duvall! A note.

Her weakness: a raging libido.

OK, where's the back stairwell that's a herpes infection waiting to happen?

- C-wing. - Thank you.

♪ Never let me go ♪

♪ So I can feed your addiction in the stereo ♪

♪ I could be just your type of high ♪

Elliot, let me borrow that.

♪ You're talkin' about the narcissist ♪

The camera! Get to class.

For the love of all that's sanitary, get outta there, people!

♪ Let the music just take control ♪

♪ So here's my confession ♪♪

You wait right here, young lady.

You officially earned detention for a week. Unbelievable.

No, no, no! In solitary confinement. Let's go, move it.

- Principal Duvall. - What?

- The announcements! - Oh, yeah, let's go!

- And action! - Good afternoon, everybody.

We have a winner for the Homecoming Dance Charity.

The winner is the Humane Society.

So... Where did you come from?

Get outta here! I'm talking about the importance of neutering here, people!

- How could you do that? - Do what?

Rat out all of my make-out spots! You're the only one I told, Mandi.

Now, who's gonna do my homework and tell me I'm special?

- Sorry. - Hey!

For Hope, who'd been a hypochondriac

since contracting mono from a water fountain,

we said goodbye to Mandi's "no bodily fluids" rule.

- - Ew! Oh, my God, oh, my God!

- I'm gonna contract E. coli. - Even worse, you have a zit.

I knew ugliness was contagious!

Hope booked an emergency healing massage and seaweed facial.

♪ Takes a flash to figure it out ♪

♪ But in your memory you might find some holes ♪

♪ Oh, like the last six hours That made you realize... ♪

Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at the spa,

and Hope ended up resembling the Wicked Witch of the West.

It still hadn't faded after an entire weekend.

Mandi! What is wrong with you?

You didn't pick me up. I had to ride my Schwinn.

I don't pick up ogres.

And green, definitely not your color.

Wha...?

Why hasn't it washed away?

I added some long-lasting henna ink.

Don't you think that's a bit much?

Come on, she deserved it.

♪ Time to do the walk of shame ♪

♪ Hide your face... ♪♪

Peace out!

Nobody'll ever see that.

With Chastity and Hope down,

there was only one Plastic left.

Cupcakes! Cupcakes!

Red velvet, or perhaps devil's food cake?

- Thank you! - Traitor!

- You don't own me, Mandi. - Oh, yeah?

Oh!

I don't like you right now!

You totally lost my vote.

Yummy frosting, though.

Nice job, Quinn.

You truly are an amazing investigative reporter.

I've been obsess... I mean, watching them for years.

Just needed to dig a little deeper.

Hi!

Hey.

- Hey! - Hey!

- Hi. - Hey!

- Hello, girls. - Hey!

- I already got my dress. - Hey.

- Oh, hey, Abby. - OK, Jo, this year the music better not suck at the dance.

- You have sway with the DJ, right? - Of course.

- What are your requests? - OK...

- We could get that guy who... - You know, if she keeps

inviting everybody to join our group,

there won't be any room left.

At least Mandi understood the importance of exclusivity.

Someone has to be the proletariat.

That's lower class.

Hey, kid. Lend me a hand, huh?

Jimmy gave me an extension on delivering the engine.

Um, sorry, Dad.

I've got shopping with Quinn and a movie with Tyler,

and I still have to make my campaign buttons.

Busy, busy!

Busy, busy.

- Hey, Jo. - Hi.

- Hey! - Hi.

- Hey, what's up? - Hey.

- What's up? - Hi.

I wonder how much sugar is in this.

- You did not just ask that. - What?

Jo, you ate, like, two funnel cakes, a hot dog

and a bag of kettle corn on our first date.

And you didn't wear these crazy studded boots.

Come on. You're kidding me, right?

- Using me to make Chastity jealous? - Look, I was just...

Starting to act a hell of a lot like Mandi,

which is not the kind of girl I want to be dating.

Hey, I am nothing like Mandi.

Oh, really? Running for queen, humiliating people,

using their secrets against them, dressing like you're on the cover of Rolling Stone,

which, OK, it's kinda hot sometimes, but not the part

where you suddenly care about what everyone else thinks.

Jo...

What happened to that girl I met in shop class?

And when I got home, there it was,

waiting for me: my future.

How had I almost forgotten?

The fat letter!

- It's good news, right? - The best.

Ah, Jo. Look, honey,

I feel lousy about your tuition fund.

But, honey, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be excited.

I mean, CMU, that's... that's big stuff!

And if I can just get this engine finished,

or... what about that architectural scholarship?

The scholarship.

But somehow, all this campaigning

and preening and plotting had gotten in the way.

I didn't even know what my grade was in shop class anymore.

Oh, hey, I almost forgot. Um...

Abby's dad dropped this off for ya.

So does she know where she's goin' to college yet?

Um, Abby wants art school, but her dad's more of a pre-med guy.

Well, just make sure that she knows that to, um, to win the race...

You gotta be in the race.

But what if I wanted out?

What if I wanted to forfeit the race

because I didn't deserve to win?

Got something that's real revolutionary.

It's gonna revolutionize your gardening experience.

Hey, Mr. Hanover.

Abby's not home from the movie yet, is she?

No, thought you'd be with 'em.

- But glad you're here. - Listen, Mr. Hanover, I...

- I brought back the money. - Jo, what, are you crazy?

The money's for you, every damn penny. You've earned it.

Hiring you to be her friend was the best money we've ever spent.

Please, Mr. Hanover, I can't.

Jo, I'm sending it right back to you.

I'd give a bonus, if I gave them.

Which I don't.

Is it true? Did my dad pay you to be friends with me?

Quinn finally got her big story.

She quoted Mandi as a witness.

Why would Quinn do this?

How could you?

- I was gonna tell Abby everything. - Face it, Jo.

The Plastics are the originals,

and they don't have to pay anyone to be their friend.

No! You just sold out your friends for free!

Oh, what, like you sold me out?

God, I trusted you.

You know what? You go to hell, Jo Mitchell.

I wish I never even met you.

Just to see their faces.

You were so good, Mandi. I totally voted for you.

- It's too bad this didn't come out earlier. - Why?

Well, from what I hear, Jo is a shoo-in for Homecoming Queen.

It's too late for people to change their votes.

- That is, if she's eligible. - Eligibility is based on matriculation.

- So she'd have to be expelled or something. - Oh.

Wouldn't that be a tragedy?

This is gonna be the best senior prank ever.

The best.

OK, so tell me again why we don't keep the money?

- That's a lot of money. - Then there's no dance,

and if there's no dance, I'm not the queen.

I don't know.

Money can't do this.

As many of you know, we had a robbery last night.

Now, the evidence strongly suggests that the thief

was a student, because of his wanton disregard for school property.

This student, or students, clearly degenerates,

stole the money that was intended for helpless animals.

Now, unless the money is returned,

I have no choice but to cancel the Homecoming Dance.

- - This is your principal,

signing off for today,

reminding you to stay left or right, not center.

Miss Mitchell, I received an anonymous tip today that you stole the money.

That's a lie. I would never do that.

Well, apparently you did.

We had a policeman go to your shed this afternoon.

And I'm afraid we found the stolen money.

- How did that get there? - I didn't steal it, I swear!

Somebody must've put it there, and...

I would bet anything it was Mandi.

Well, now, Miss Weatherly may be the spawn of Satan,

but unless you have proof,

there's nothing I can do except expel you.

It officially couldn't get much worse.

I'm also sorry to say that I'm gonna have to report this to Carnegie Mellon,

and they very well may rescind your admission.

Miss Mitchell, where are you going? Come back here!

- Did you hear about Jo? - I can't believe it.

- What a fake. - I knew it.

I knew it all along, and I tried to warn people.

I tried to protect you all from her.

- Mandi, you are like a saint. - Yeah, a total saint.

- Oh, yeah, a real martyr. - You mean a real bitch!

Wait. As much as we all might like that, I can't let it happen.

This is crazy! Shouldn't she be locked up in juvie or something?

Girls, why don't we settle this like ladies...

Screw being ladies, and screw being girls!

I'm sick of the mind games and the backstabbing and the set-ups.

I know you framed me, Mandi.

So we're gonna settle this like men, on the battlefield.

- Oh, please. - That's right.

I challenge you...

...to a football game,

- Powder Puff style. - No way.

I... I don't do sports.

Aw, you scared?

Can't take the heat, Mandi?

I thought you were the best at everything.

I thought people trembled in the presence of the Plastics.

You wanna win?

The only way you're gonna become queen is by default.

Fine, you're on.

But be prepared to lose.

You know, you and your team of one.

I realized a little too late that I no longer had any friends.

But if I had to take on all the Plastics by myself, I would.

All right, let's get to class, everybody. ...hang out in the hallway.

- Do you really think she did it? - I don't know anymore.

Certainly not about Jo.

Hey, Mr. Hanover, this was in our mailbox. It's for you.

- Listen, you're Jo's boyfriend, right? - Ex-boyfriend.

Huh, awkward.

Thing is, I've got something for Jo. It's the money, actually.

Would you give it to her? A deal's a deal. It's not her fault Abby found out.

- She gave the money back to you? - Of course.

I was expecting it, really.

I knew she'd love Abby once she got to know her.

I just needed to make that happen.

So remember, you can't wear red or pink to the dance.

Those are my colors. And I'm wearing my hair up,

'cause it's best for the crown, so wear yours down.

- Quinn, are you listening? - Yes, absolutely. Hair down.

Hey, Abby.

- Look, just don't. - But...

You know, Jo may have lied to me,

but at least she taught me one thing.

Stand up for myself. So... get lost, Quinn.

Fine, hate me.

But you should know I don't think Jo stole the money.

I think Mandi did.

- How do you know? - Because I sort of gave her

the idea to get Jo expelled.

Also, Jo spent an awful lot of time putting together

and sending out college applications for you.

She even put together your portfolio.

I helped her make about a dozen of those with journalism equipment.

I hope you get into art school, Abby.

I really do.

So Mr. Hanover just called.

Apparently, one of his distributors is sending new parts for the engine.

That's great, right?

We can finish the car in time for Jimmy and the new racer.

So, you, uh... You heard from Abby?

I've texted, called.

I tried her NorthShoreCentric page.

No luck. That girl really hates my guts.

But I can't blame her. I'm not sure why you don't hate me.

Listen, kid, I'm not proud of what you did to Abby,

but I know that you care about her.

- And you're certainly not a thief. - At least someone believes me.

Oh, I don't think it's just me.

- Am I seeing things? - We haven't forgiven you yet.

Not even close.

But we can't let you take the fall for Mandi.

- That's right, we've got your back. - Mandi's goin' down.

- - I knew it.

I knew Mandi set me up, and...

...you guys came to rescue me.

I don't deserve you.

Oh, my God, are you crying?

- No, I never cry. -

All right, now come on, we have a game to prepare for.

And you're right, Mandi needs her ass kicked.

And we have an idea to prove your innocence.

- Do you think you can do it? - Hack into their security system?

Not easy, but not impossible. I just have to detect their wireless signal,

then hack into their computer and find their security account.

- Uh, wait, got it. -

They named their Wi-Fi "AlwaysWatching?"

What's their pass code, “666”"

It'll take a few days, but if Mandi planted the evidence,

I'll find the footage.

But... I want something in return.

I knew it. I knew he wouldn't do it for free.

What do you want, Elliot?

A date to the dance, with Abby.

Oh, um, hey, good luck at the game. I'll be rooting for you.

Uh, even got my own side biz going on.

Odds are 30 to one in Mandi's favor.

- What? Why? - You haven't heard?

Mandi had managed to recruit the captain of the rugby team...

...a fifth-year senior who felt no pain...

...and the three-time Junior Division Karate Champion onto her team.

But we weren't backing down.

And neither was Mandi.

She wasn't going to pull any punches.

It was time to end this once and for all.

- Got it? - Yes, sir!

Good!

Hi, baby! Oh, you look so cute.

- Our little athlete. - Mom, Dad, come on. You know you can't be in here.

- Just go. - You're right, you're right. We need to find a seat.

- The bleachers are already filling up. - Yay! Yay!

- I'm gonna vomit. - It's gonna be OK, I promise.

- What's the worst that could happen? - We lose?

- - Is everybody decent in here?

I don't want a sexual harassment lawsuit... again.

- Yeah. - Yeah, we're good.

Principal Duvall, what are you doing here on a weekend?

Well, I've tried to turn a blind eye to this game,

but the fact that you made the challenge in my presence,

and you've plastered the school with posters made that kinda hard.

Thought you guys would wimp out.

But I guess now I will have to intervene.

Mainly because Mandi's team wants to file a lawsuit.

- What are you talking about? - Jo, due to your expulsion,

you are not allowed on school grounds.

Thus, you cannot play the game.

- Damn it! Mandi was counting on this. - I know.

- You know? - Yep, which is why I looked into this issue days ago.

You know, technically,

the football field is public property since it's on park land.

You know, the school only rents it for games.

So all we needed was a permit, which I have right here.

Oh! Well, great then.

I guess you are just not allowed in the locker room.

Oh. See ya!

Well, I guess my job here is done.

Ha-ha! Let's go, team!

Kill! Maim! Dismember.

- -

Whoo! Yeah!

- - Yeah! Whoo!

- - Go, Abby!

The big day was upon us,

and we were going to take the Plastics down.

Come on, girls!

We were ready for anything.

Didn't expect to see me here?

I'm still gonna kick your team's ass.

OK, girls, listen up.

Football is a religion, and you are now in church.

Do not disgrace this field. We'll play by playground rules.

Fumbles that hit the ground are live balls. Four downs and out.

No punts, no extra points and a touchdown is seven points.

Get it? Got it? Good!

We will flip a coin to see who receives the ball.

- Pink Team, you call it. - Heads.

- Heads it is. - We'll receive.

All right, shake hands.

- - OK, then.

Ow!

Run, moron, run!

- Take it, take it. -

- There's no nunchakus in football! - Man.

Ball, now!

Touchdown!

Yay!

- -

So listen. My dad always says to win the race,

you've got to be in the race.

So think of the worst thing the Plastics have done to you,

and knock them down.

If they're gonna play full contact, so are we.

Fumble-rooski on two.

- Break! - Break.

Yeah!

- Yay! - Yeah, Jo!

Good job, honey!

What... What's goin' on? What... What are you doing?

- - Yes!

Touchdown!

That's not fair! She can't do that. Can she do that?

- You girls can really play. Who knew? - Thank you.

Damn it, we're tied.

I swear, if you let that psycho Jo near me, I will end your social lives.

- Time for D and D. - Ooh, dirty dancing?

Yeah, Chastity, dirty dancing.

No! Down and dirty, OK? Down and dirty.

Let's get ‘em. Go!

OK, they were big, they were bad.

- We were dead. -

I can't see. I can't see!

- Nothing? How bad's your vision? - I'm legally blind!

Number one!

- - Just freshening up.

- - Smells like lavender and ocean breeze, doesn't it?

- Oh, come on! - Come on, girls.

Enough of this, let's play football!

All right. My muscles are mush,

my lungs are about to burst and just look at us.

- I agree, we're totally not gonna lose. -

- Gesundheit. - Cover your mouth.

- Really? ‘Cause they have the ball. - We have to take a stand.

- We can't let them score. -

- Gesundheit. - Dude, cover your mouth!

- OK, I got it. - Jo! I did it!

- Look, he did it! - He did what?

- Yeah. Yeah. -

Is that yours?

Cool, Mandi is goin' down!

I told you.

Let me see that, let me see that.

- Ling... Come on! - What?

What are you waitin' for? This is football! Come on!

Makin' everyone else do your dirty work, Mandi?

You're still gonna lose.

Give me the ball.

Now!

Is that Nick Zimmer?

One, two, three... hut.

No, no, no! No, no! Come on, man, it was her idea.

Right there, Mandi! Number one! You're not number one anymore.

But I love you, baby. It wasn't my idea. Why are you handcuffing me?

- Get off me! - I'd love to.

Let me go! Get off me!

- That's not me! - It sure looks like it's you, Miss Weatherly.

Are you crazy? Do you know who I am?

I am Mandi Weatherly! My mother will sue you!

How dare you touch me! She'll sue all of you!

Let me out of here! I'll have you fired!

I'm so sorry for the misunderstanding, Jo.

Consider yourself officially un-expelled.

And I'll make some calls and sort things out college-wise.

- - Yeah!

♪ Gonna live like it's the end of the world ♪

♪ Gonna party like ♪

♪ Turn it up, turn it up Mash it up ♪

♪ It ain't the end of the world ♪

♪ Party like, like it's the end of the world ♪

♪ We're gonna party like... ♪

I figured at this point,

I might as well go for the whole high school experience.

♪ 'Cause we got each other Turn it up ♪

♪ Turn it up, mash it up It ain't the end of the world ♪

♪ Turn it up, turn it up Mash it up ♪

♪ It ain't the end of the world ♪

All right, quiet down, everybody. Quiet.

Stop your dancing, stop your fun. Stop it right now.

Quiet down.

Quieter. Good.

Well, you should all be very happy to know

that we raised $6,800 for the Humane Society, huh?

All right, forget it. Um, I know the announcement

you guys really care about, so let's get to it.

The Homecoming King is...

- ...Elliot Gold? - My God, it's you!

- Elliot Gold. - Go!

- Whoo! -

Wow. Elliot really is going to rig

the presidential election someday, isn't he?

Yep. Just as soon as the voting goes hi-tech.

- - Congratulations.

- Thank you. - Sure.

And your Homecoming Queen...

- ...Abby Hanover. -

Oh, my God! I've never won anything!

- Go! You won, go! -

Yeah, Abby!

You won! That's so awesome!

- That crown is mine! It's mine! - Get out of here!

- No, don't reach for me! -

Get out of here! You're not allowed on school grounds!

- Get off me! - Oh, I'm sorry.

Uh, a little to the right.

- Give me that. - I'm legally blind.

There.

Here's your Homecoming King and Queen, let's give it up.

- - Make some room, let them have their first dance.

You guys have a good time. No dirty dancing, I'm watching.

- -

I have a feeling Elliot wasn't the one who rigged this vote.

Well, we both know crowns aren't my thing.

So you dropped out of the race?

Sometimes, it's not about winning the race,

it's just about being a part of it.

Besides...

...I have enough already.

♪ We cry and we live and we die ♪

♪ Mon cheri Oh, I'll always love you ♪

♪ Mon cheri Just a fool for you ♪♪

OK, well, it's not like we all lived happily ever after.

Mandi and Nick did get community service instead of jail.

And her mom donated a new library to North Shore,

so Principal Duvall let her graduate.

But she never regained her status.

Quinn took over Mandi's role as lead Plastic.

But we had a deal: She let the senior class end their year in peace.

She also wrote an award-winning article on the "Social Dynamics of Mean Girls."

Chastity finally looked up her name, and joined the Abstinence Club.

And Hope finally braved her fear of water fountains and public germs...

♪ Crazy girl ♪

♪ Crazy, crazy, crazy, girl ♪

- - ...only to catch a nasty case of swine flu.

From then on, she swore to overcome her fears, and, instead,

put her trust in antibiotics and hot doctors.

Tyler decided to go to Penn State,

which, by total coincidence, was only a few hours away from my school.

As for me, I managed to earn

my Carnegie Mellon tuition with Sidney's help after all.

The man could truly sell anything,

even my shop class project.

A birdhouse and security camera, all in one.

Only $19.99.

Mr. Hanover even compromised on Abby majoring in art,

so long as she went to a top college, which worked out perfectly for me.

- So how does it look? - Nice crown.

Thanks. I thought it went with the t-shirt.

So I guess my dad was right after all.

To win the race, you have to be in the race.

Sometimes it just takes a little girl drama to find out who your friends are.

And, once you have that, you can survive almost anything...

- ...even high school. -

♪ I know, I know ♪

♪ Every day you're getting closer ♪

♪ The time is ticking slow ♪

♪ And I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ There's no room to be impatient ♪

♪ I don't mind waiting ♪

♪ What's your name? One day you're gonna know mine ♪

♪ Going on this way... ♪

♪ My mama would say ♪

♪ You're gonna find the right one ♪

♪ At the right time ♪

♪ It ain't right for me to know ♪

♪ Who you are I should have met you first ♪

♪ But that's not how it works ♪

♪ So I'm giving all control ♪

♪ Hoping, praying Wishing, waiting ♪

♪ For you ♪

♪ Yes, I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Every day you're getting closer ♪

♪ The time is ticking slow ♪

♪ And I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ There's no room to be impatient ♪

♪ I don't mind waiting ♪

♪ I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Every day you're getting closer ♪

♪ The time is ticking slow ♪

♪ And I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ There's no room to be impatient ♪

♪ I don't mind waiting ♪

♪ Wait forever on the line ♪

♪ I'm looking for a sign ♪

♪ A little bit of winds below these clouds ♪

♪ There is a light ♪

♪ To let me know that it was all worthwhile ♪

♪ ‘Cause I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Every day you're getting closer ♪

♪ The time is ticking slow ♪

♪ And I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ There's no room to be impatient ♪

♪ I don't mind waiting ♪

♪ I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ Every day you're getting closer ♪

♪ The time is ticking slow ♪

♪ And I know, I know ♪

♪ I know ♪

♪ There's no room to be impatient ♪

♪ I don't mind waiting ♪♪