Original subtitles

-

We can do this ze easy way, princess...

- - Or ze hard way.

Now, for the last time,

tell me the royal nuclear missile silo nuclear missile

royal launch codes

so I can rule ze world!

-

Help!

- ♪ I need somebody ♪ ALL: ♪ Help ♪

- ♪ Not just anybody ♪ ALL: ♪ Help ♪

- ♪ You know I need someone ♪

ALL: ♪ Help... ♪

- - ♪ When I was younger ♪

♪ So much younger than today ♪

- ♪ I never need... ♪

- ♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way ♪

- ♪ But now these days are gone ♪

♪ I'm not so self-assured ♪

♪ Now I find I've changed my mind ♪

♪ And opened up the doors ♪

- ♪ Help me if you can ♪

♪ I'm feeling down ♪

- ♪ And I do appreciate you being round ♪

-

ALL: ♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground ♪

♪ Won't you please, please help me? ♪

- ♪ And now my life has changed in oh so many ways ♪

♪ My independence seems to vanish in the haze ♪

- ♪ But every now and then ♪

♪ I feel so insecure ♪

- ♪ I know that I need you like ♪

♪ I've never done before ♪

- ♪ Help me if you can ♪

♪ I'm feeling down ♪

- ♪ And I do appreciate you being round ♪

ALL: ♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground ♪

-

ALL: ♪ Won't you please, please help me? ♪

- ♪ When I was younger ♪

♪ So much younger than today ♪

♪ I never needed anybody's help in any way ♪

- ♪ But now these days are gone ♪

♪ I'm not so self-assured ♪

- ♪ Now I find I've changed my mind ♪

♪ And opened up the doors ♪

- ♪ Help me if you can ♪

♪ I'm feeling down ♪

- ♪ And I do appreciate you being round ♪

ALL: ♪ Help me get my feet back on the ground ♪

♪ Won't you please, please help me? ♪

♪ Help me, help me ♪

♪ Ooh... ♪

- Oh!

- Nice try, Big Time Rush,

but I have the princess,

and I will rule the world!

- -

ALL: Princess! Are you okay?

- Big Time Rush, you saved me.

- It's what we do.

- How can I ever repay you?

- Princess, knowing that you and this world is safe

is payment enough.

- Oh, Mr. Garcia.

Mr. Garcia...

- Mr. Garcia?

Mr. Garcia...

- -

- Pull your seat back forward.

We'll be landing soon.

- Secret agent dream again?

- Oh, it is so real.

- A castle, a princess, and us

stopping an evil guy from ruling the world

sounds real to you?

- Don't forget the Beatles song.

- Let me tell you about my dream.

We all move to L.A.,

somehow become a pop band.

We go on a world tour where our first stop

is in London.

- - Okay, passengers

we're starting our descent,

and in about 20 minutes, we'll be landing in London.

And it came true!

- Whoo-ooh-ooh! - Ah!

- I am freaking out.

- I didn't know you had a fear of flying.

- I don't. I'm afraid Big Time Rush

is gonna destroy the world tour.

- Relax. Everything is going to be fine.

-

- You know you can't be a real princess, right?

- Mom, if you can dream it, it can come true.

♪ ♪

- And if you're in London tonight,

make sure you look up in the sky

as a supermoon rises over the city.

It's the closest the moon has been to earth

in over 30 years, and it's sure to be stunning.

- What was wrong with my outfit?

ALL: Everything.

- All right, first up,

we're going to the giant Ferris wheel.

- Oh, I want to go to parliament.

- I want to meet a hot girl with one of those cool accents.

- You are not going anywhere,

because tonight is our first stop on our world tour,

and if you do nothing, then nothing can go wrong.

- It's our official world tour strategy.

We hired outside consultants and everything.

- But we're sold out.

I mean, how much trouble can we get into in one day?

- Yeah.

- A whole world of trouble.

- Okay, this is what I'm talking about.

- Okay, so...

don't touch anything, don't look at anyone,

and go straight to baggage claim.

- Service to Boston is now boarding at gate 22a.

- Can you even see in those things?

- They're a little dark, but, hey,

if your world tour dream can come true,

then why can't my spy dream?

- Well, one, Kendall's dream is aspirational,

and yours is stupid.

- And for two, we're not spies.

- And the Beatles are the greatest band in the world,

and we are not them. - Yep.

- Hey, dreams do come true.

All I'm saying is that you guys should watch your backs.

- Oh!

-

See? - I thought British people

were supposed to be nice.

- Yeah, that was the rumor.

- Ahh! - Oh!

-

- Well, they are not!

- Hey, stop!

-

- Where did he go?

- You go that way. You go that way.

- Got it!

-

Didn't recognize you without your blue jumpsuits, boys.

Always a pleasure, Maxwell.

Bang!

- Did you guys just see that?

The evil bald villain just took somebody away.

- Did you see one too many spy movies on the plane?

- Yes. - Now focus.

Big Time Rush is on a world tour,

not in a spy movie.

- If the super rich and powerful man has everything,

what else could he possibly want?

More.

- You'll never get away with this, Moon.

- Oh, correction, Secret Agent Lane.

It is you who didn't get away.

And I get everything I want.

Where is it?

What is this stuff?

- Oh, did I get the bags mixed up at the airport?

- You fools!

We have to find it before anyone else does!

Check airport security!

Check satellite surveillance!

Where is that backpack?

- See, Gustavo, one whole hour in London...

And no trouble.

- Just sign some autographs,

move briskly into the lobby,

and stay out of trouble.

- Agent "A" to MI6.

The package has been located.

- All agents proceed with caution.

We don't know who or what we're dealing with.

♪ ♪

- Well, I didn't meet my dream girl with dreamy accent,

but I see you brought your nightmare backpack.

- I told you, it was sent to me by a fan,

and it's actually very special to me.

- It's actually very awful to us.

- It's always been my dream

to stay at The Queen's Hotel in London.

- That's two dreams

that have come true in London.

Mine's next.

- For the last time, your dream

is a manifestation of your fears.

You're afraid the world tour might fail

so you dreamt of saving the world.

And the evil, bald villain represents Gustavo.

- Here is my dream.

Don't move!

- Actually, they are allowed to linger in the lobby

while we check in.

- Well, in that case...

Move out!

- - Move in.

♪ ♪

-

- I found our cart, in case you want to put--

I don't know-- your backpack on it

so nobody sees you wearing a backpack like that.

- Katie. - Ow!

- - Target is hostile.

Repeat: Target is--

- Hey, did you know this hotel is over 400 years old?

Look at this vase.

- Ahh!

- Look at that detail.

Oh, check out the ceiling.

-

Agh!

- Well, if it isn't The Duke of Bath.

- Thank you, loyal subject.

- Always nice to have royalty with us.

Will someone be joining you?

- Oh, no, I'm afraid the duke

hasn't found that special someone yet.

- Oh, there, there.

- Oh.

Ooh, well, hello!

- Dogs!

- Okay, guys.

I have secured the lobby,

and we are all safe...

for now.

♪ ♪

- Okay, and here are room card--

- Oh! -

- Okay, here, I got them.

- Oh, oh, dear.

- Now, let's get to our suites.

Did you say...

sweet!

- Don't jump on the beds!

- Whoo-hoo!

- Our world tour promoter is coming by here to meet you,

and since he paid for this hotel room,

I don't want it trashed when he gets here.

- Well, are we allowed to do anything

while we're in England?

- All you're gonna do tonight is crush London,

then conquer the rest of Europe,

and then we will rule the world.

- But you can answer fan mail,

have one non-caffeinated beverage,

and warm up your voices for the biggest sound check

of your lives.

- Okay, well, we may not be able to see London,

but...

at least we can read about it. - Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna meet tons of hot girls with cool accents

while trapped in a hotel room.

- But if we run into any evil villains

with, like, a white suit and a cat,

I'll be ready. - Stop it.

- Guys, relax.

Our world tour is going to be amazing,

and nothing is gonna stop that.

♪ ♪

- What is that?

- Not my backpack.

- What is that?

- I...

I don't know.

- Whoa, whoa! Don't open it!

- Open it.

- Open it.

- Whoa! - Guys! Guys!

- Whoa! - Guys! Guys-guys-guys!

No, we're gonna die!

Guys!

- Oh! Oh!

-

- Ohh! It's starting.

- Oh!

- Close it! Close it!

- Kendall, close it! -

Close it, close it, close it! - Kendall, close it!

- -

- Close it slower next time.

- Oh!

- Oh, it's-- - What is that?

- Okay, everybody calm down!

'cause...

I got nothing else.

- -

- Well, it seems we underestimated you boys.

But don't ever underestimate British Intelligence.

- I'm sorry, did you say British Intel--

- So I'll be taking this backpack now,

and I highly recommend no one else try anything funny.

- We're actually very sad right now.

- Whoa! - Whoa-whoa-whoa!

- Now, now, you know you should never take things

that don't belong to you.

-

- Dibs. - What--

- I'd love to stay and chat, boys,

but a lot of people are after my backpack.

- Cool. - That's fine.

- I'm James.

- - Room service!

- She's hurt. - She's got a gun.

- Okay, pretty boys, just give us ze backpack,

and no dangers come to you.

- Ya.

- Never. - What?

-

- Run. Go, go!

- Get Logan! - Get him! Get him!

- Down the fire escape! -

- Cut them off downstairs!

- Ya!

- Okay, why are we in the lobby?

I said I wanted find the guys

and make sure that they unpacked.

- Relax. I'm sure they're fine.

- Get Logan! Get Logan!

-

-

- And besides, I know how much you love lobbies and--

oops. - Oh!

I am so sorry!

- A thousand pardons...

- Hi, I'm Katie,

and this is my single mom, Jennifer.

So nice to meet you.

- Duke of bath, at your service.

- We are visiting your lovely city

and were just saying

that we wish we had someone to show us around.

- We weren't just saying that we--

- I would be delighted to show you London.

I do have a brief meeting I must attend,

but the rest of the day,

the duke is at your service.

- What was that?

- That was royalty.

- Oh, no!

You are not dragging me into your

how-to-become-a-real-princess thing.

- You can't turn down royalty, mom!

- When I told the guys they were gonna meet

the biggest concert promoter in all of Europe,

they said, "We're not going anywhere

until we meet the man."

I knew this was a waste of money!

- Well, Gustavo, B.T.R.'s world tour

hasn't even started yet,

and I've already lost 30,000 pounds.

- No, it--it's fine.

They're just trying to blow off some steam.

- Well, they better not blow off today's sound check,

or I call off the world tour.

- Oh, you wouldn't do that.

- Yes, I would.

- - It's okay.

All we got to do is find the guys before sound check.

I mean, how much trouble could they possibly get into, right?

- Right!

-

- Who are they? - Big Time Rush,

an American boy band

performing tonight in Hyde Park.

- You mean teenage American superspies

who received a package from an MI6 agent who's gone rogue.

- It is possible

that they just received the backpack at random

from Agent Lane, who might have been in danger.

- Then how do you explain them taking out

four of our top secret agents at The Queen's Hotel?

Thank you. - I can't.

- That's why I'm number one and you're number two.

Who else is after the backpack?

- A leather-clad female tried to obtain the backpack

but was thwarted by room service,

AKA Swedish Secret Service agents

Sven and Rikard.

- Should we be worried?

- I always worry about the Swedes, sir.

- Right.

Well, you find this Big Time Rush,

before anyone else does

and before they escape the country

with that backpack.

♪ ♪

- Can't you search any faster?

- Oh, I'm sorry if I'm a little slow

because I got shot with a dart!

- What does it say about the floaty thing?

- All I found is, "billionaire businessman

"and space travel pioneer Sir Atticus Moon

"was rumored to be developing an anti-gravitational device

"but denied the report, saying the technology

was an impossible dream."

- Well, it's not, and we have it.

- Search, "Hot girl in pink and black leather

that is my dream girl."

- You mean deadly girl with a pink-and-black gun?

- Hey, there is good in her. I know.

- You are supposed to be calling Gustavo and/or Kelly.

- Yeah, well, our phones are back in the hotel room.

What is this thing?

- That's the guy in my dream.

- Atticus Moon? He's your evil dream guy?

- Well, he was bald, and he was a totally different guy,

but he was wearing white!

- Does anyone want to know what my dream is, huh?

It's to stay alive!

- That's why we have to stop him,

save the princess, and then save the world.

- Or we call the police,

tell them we have no idea what's going on.

They don't shoot Logan, fix everything,

and we save our world tour.

- Done. - Done.

- You didn't say, "Done."

You're supposed to say, "Done."

- No, 'cause we are in the middle

of something big,

and we can't let this fall

into the wrong hands.

- We are the wrong hands!

- Well, how about the guy from the airport?

- What guy from the airport?

There was no guy from the airport.

- There was that guy.

- ♪ Can't buy me love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Can't buy me love ♪

- I hate that guy from the airport!

- You mean the guy with a silver hammer for a hand?

- I told you we were in something big!

- Go, go, go, go, go!

- ♪ Makes you feel all right ♪

♪ I don't care too much for money ♪

- Sidewalk sale? Everything free?

- ♪ Can't buy me love ♪

♪ Love ♪

- I think we're in the clear!

- Whoa! - Oh!

- Well, well, just the boys I was looking for.

- Double dibs.

- Get in the van if you want to live.

- Ooh, yeah, what if we want to live

but don't want to get in the van?

Not again.

- Getting in the van. - Oh, yeah.

- Love the van plan! - Love it!

- Here we go!

Go, go, go!

Get him in! Get him in!

-

- We were debating, do you stand for good or evil

or have a boyfriend? - Don't talk.

- See, I love the way you say that.

Say something else.

- Shut up. - Mmm...

Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

'cause I'm feeling...

- Swedish agents approaching fast.

- Did the van just talk?

- Oh, bravo, captain obvious.

- Um, did the rude van just talk?

- Van! Behind us!

- Once we have the floaty thing,

no longer will Sweden be remembered

for stylish, affordable furniture

but for world domination!

- Ya!

- -

- Might I suggest a nice oil spritzer?

- Whoa...

- Ah, oh!

We are gonna need new sweaters!

- Ya!

- Go, go! Go!

Fire! Fire!

Oh...

-Well, that's twice I've saved your lives today.

You, take the wheel.

- Uh...

- I hope you can drive better than you sing.

- Okay, how do you turn this thing off?

- No. Colder.

Wrong. No, don't!

- This is just like my dream.

It's all coming true.

- No, it's not!

Where's The Beatles? Huh?

Nowhere.

And unless shoot-me girl is Eleanor Rigby

or Rita the lovely meter maid,

then you stop with your stupid dream.

- I'm Penny,

Penny Lane.

-

- I'm diamond, James Diamond,

and I think we got off on the wrong foot.

- It was a boxing glove.

And my father is MI6 agent Simon Lane,

who borrowed my backpack yesterday

to sneak whatever this is

out of a lab owned by Sir Atticus Moon.

- - Stop gasping.

- Next thing I know, he's missing,

and you've got my backpack.

And I think moon has my father.

Which is why we are going to arrange

a little meeting. - Uh, sorry. We?

What do you mean we? Why are you saying we?

- It occurred to me that moon will have an army with him,

so I need one too.

- Um, did it occur to you to just go to MI6?

- Right now, all MI6 wants is the backpack,

but I want my dad back.

- She helped us. We can help her.

- There you go with that word "we" again.

- I must advise against this, Penny.

My sensors are getting a strong reading of idiot.

- Hey! - Ow!

- We have the most important sound check

of our lives, now.

And the plan is to go to the police

and clear our names and-- what is that?

- "London Police wants Big Time Rush arrested

"for assaulting four MI6 agents

and crimes against a hotel room."

- Okay, so going to the cops is out.

- My father can clear your names,

but you have to help me save him.

- Fine, if you help us get to our sound check

and save our world tour.

- Done.

- Oh... -

- Yep, we're done all right.

- Get out! -

- Battering ram activated.

- Uh, excuse me,

won't that make us crash really bad

and hurt our faces? - Most likely.

But I don't see your escape plan.

- What? - Huh?

- - Yep, we're doomed.

- Ah! - Whoa!

-

- I'll close it slower this time.

- So where's your sound check?

Hyde park!

- Then that's where I'll arrange our meeting with Moon.

- Whee! - Whoo-hoo!

♪ ♪

- I have received an invitation

to a meeting that you must attend.

Do not fail me again.

The supermoon is in seven hours.

And I need what's in that backpack

to start my revolution.

And whoever Big Time Rush is,

I want them destroyed.

Okay, you don't have to actually destroy them,

but if they get in your way,

I want them destroyed.

Wait!

Go get me some pants.

And a cat!

- We lost them.

- What do you mean you've lost them?

- I mean, they got away in a floating van.

But look.

Intel pulled this off of Moon industries' servers.

He called it Project Beetle.

It's an anti-gravitational super cell

that I believe is in the backpack.

- Hmm. This is very shiny.

- What if Agent Lane took this device from Moon

before he could do something dangerous with it.

- Sir Atticus Moon was knighted by our queen,

is Europe's most respected entrepreneur,

and is the owner of my favorite football team--

the Lancasterminsterboroughshire Mooners.

- Which means he has the funds and the means

to do something big with this technology.

- Or Agent Lane stole the device from Moon,

sold it to Big Time Rush,

who plan on taking over the world.

- That seems a little far-fetched,

don't you think?

- Really?

Then take a look at this.

Security footage

run through a low-frequency absorption filter.

- All you're gonna do is crush London tonight,

conquer the rest of Europe,

and then we will rule the world!

- So you're saying, an American boy band

is going to unleash some evil plot

at their concert tonight

and take over London and then the world?

- We've got to stop that concert.

- You can't stop the concert!

They're just a little late.

- I'm not going to stop the concert.

I'm going to cancel the entire world tour,

so I don't get sued when Big Time Rush doesn't show up,

like they didn't show up to do sound check.

-

We told you, they just ate too much beans on toast

and have wonky tum-tums...

Guv'nor.

- They'll be here in one hour.

- One hour.

Or Big Time Rush's all over the world tour

is over.

- One hour?

- It just blurted out!

But we can get through this

as long as we stay out of trouble.

- Take them out.

- Tea time.

-

- I'm not happy about this.

- Be happy.

This is how royalty eats every day,

and they have power, and you live in a castle.

You live in castles, mom.

- He's not my type.

- He's the Duke of Bath.

And if you marry him,

you become the Duchess of Bath,

which makes me a blue blood, and when I'm 22--

and Harry is tired of his bachelor ways--

boom, I'm a princess.

- I am done here.

I haven't seen your brother all day,

and I'm beginning to worry about the guys.

- Yeah, mom, 'cause the guys are caught up

in some international spy caper,

and they're off to meet the evil villain

in a mysterious black van.

And who was the one who told me

if you can dream it, it can come true?

- Was it me?

Well, I take it back,

and as soon as the Duke gets back,

I am going to thank him for a lovely tea

but mention we must be going.

- So sorry, so sorry.

But things can get crazy

when you have a staff of over 4,000 people.

- You have a staff of over 4,000 people?

- Well, when you have 17 castles like I do,

you need them.

Ha-ha! Yes!

- You own 17 castles?

- Oh, yes. - Do you have a throne?

- Oh, thousands to choose from,

and I'd like to show you every one of them, Mrs. Knight.

- Oh...

- Dessert, my lady?

- Ooh.

I'm sure the boys will be fine.

-

- My sensors detect police in the vicinity,

therefore I have calculated the perfect disguises

to get you to your destination in Hyde Park.

- Copy that.

- Really? - Really.

- Well, it looks better than that rubbish you wear onstage.

- Okay, that's it!

Can your sensors detect this?

- Don't!

- I have had enough.

They are unauthorized and denied all van access.

- Oh, wait, wait! - Come on!

- Okay. We can work this out.

We are hench-boys for the daughter of a secret agent

and also on Britain's most wanted list,

but we've been in worse situations, right?

Not even close.

- We can work it out!

- The park is across the street.

Split up.

Avoid police,

any fans who have arrived for the concert early,

and good luck.

- Okay.

- Don't forget, at some point,

we sing a Beatles song and save a princess.

- There is no princess, okay?

And are we singing the Beatles? Huh?

Do we look like the Beatles? No.

Wait a minute.

♪ Try to see it my way ♪

♪ Do I have to keep on talking ♪

♪ Till I can't go on? ♪

♪ While you see it your way ♪

♪ Run the risk of knowing ♪

♪ That our love may soon be gone ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

♪ Think of what you're saying ♪

♪ You can get it wrong ♪

♪ And still you think that it's all right ♪

♪ Think of what I'm saying ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

♪ And get it straight or say good night ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

ALL: ♪ Life is very short ♪

♪ And there's no time ♪

♪ For fussing and fighting, my friend ♪

♪ I have always thought that it's a crime ♪

♪ So I will ask you once again ♪

- ♪ Try to see it my way ♪

♪ Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong ♪

♪ While you see it your way ♪

♪ There's a chance that we might fall apart before too long ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

ALL: ♪ Life is very short ♪

♪ And there's no time ♪

♪ For fussing and fighting, my friend ♪

♪ I have always thought that it's a crime ♪

- That's it!

Big Time Rush is big-time finished.

- ♪ Try to see it my way ♪

♪ Only time will tell if I am right ♪

♪ Or I am wrong ♪

- ♪ While you see it your way ♪

♪ There's a chance that we might fall apart ♪

♪ Before too long ♪

ALL: ♪ We can work it out ♪

♪ We can work it out ♪

- They sounded great.

They sound all right!

- Okay, is anybody gonna say anything

about the Beatles song?

- I'm blocking it out!

- Sound check went well, though.

- It did.

- But now it's time to get my dad.

- Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.

If you exchange the floaty thing for your dad,

then the evil villain is gonna have the floaty thing.

- No, you're going to exchange it,

and I'll be in the woods

ready to sleep-dart Moon and his goons

as soon as he takes it.

- Good plan. - I think it's great.

- Love it!

- Okay, can we get a cool dramatic entrance?

Yeah, cooler than that?

Stay cool, guys.

You're never in danger

when you meet the villain in the middle of the movie.

It's only at the end when he tries to kill you.

- Well, well, Big Time Rush.

So nice to finally meet you.

Now, won't you meet my associates...

- Oh.

- Ah--

- Hello.

You were saying?

- Now, I believe you have something

that belongs to me.

- Well, I believe that you're never going to get away

with what you're trying to get away with,

whatever you're trying to get away with is.

- Oh, see, that's where you're wrong,

because I get everything I want.

- Oh, you're going to get it all right.

- I hope.

- That's it.

Give him the backpack and--

Let go of me!

All right, I get the point.

Let go, you stupid goon.

- We can get out of this.

- Really?

- No.

-

Hi, daddy.

- Rule number one, sweetheart?

- Always check your perimeter?

- Let's recap, shall we?

You have the backpack,

but I have you all surrounded,

and Maxwell has a silver hammer.

I think you know what comes next, hmm?

- Rule number two:

Always have an escape plan.

- Whoa!

- Seriously?

-

- Ya!

-

- Take it!

- Now, how are you boys at running?

Great.

- Grab the legs! - Go, go, go!

- Don't let them get away!

- Quick, in the toilet.

- The toilet? - Yes.

- Go-go-go-go! - Hurry, hurry!

- Inside, inside.

All right.

- A bathroom!

That's your escape plan?

- Ah!

-

- Penny, this could be our last chance to kiss.

- Hands off. - Right.

- Brace yourself.

- Someone get me a cat.

- Okay, everybody stop shooting me!

- Done, and I don't like you

putting yourself in danger like that.

- Then maybe we should have skipped

all those take your daughter to work days.

- Oh, yes! A real phone.

Now I can use it to call Gustavo and tell him that--

- Not a phone.

- Sorry about the bag switch, boys,

but I had no choice.

- Ooh, you stole the floaty thing from Moon

so he couldn't use it to take over the world.

- Carlos, no one is trying to take over the world.

- No, he's right.

Moon is trying to take over the world.

- Is he? Okay.

- Hey, even I know that's impossible.

- Well, so is a device that allows you to defy gravity.

But here it is.

And no matter what Moon's evil plot is,

he can't do it without the Beetle.

-

- I'm sorry. Did you say Beetle?

- And "evil" and "plot" and "can't do it without."

- All that's missing is a princess.

- Nice shot.

I'll take that.

- Okay, so now that you have the Beetle,

you can just call up the queen or the vice queen

and tell them that Big Time Rush had nothing to do with this

so we can kick off our world tour tonight.

- Close.

By now I suspect that number one thinks I've gone rogue,

so you stay here where it's safe.

I'll go back to MI6 headquarters,

brief them on the situation, bring Moon to justice,

then you can clear your names

and kick off your world tour.

- Yes! - That's perfect!

- Not to worry, fellas.

I've got everything under control.

- Hmm!

-

Thud!

- I thought it was just a pen.

- That's a knockout pen that lasts for 12 hours!

- Well, I'm having a bad day, okay?

- Ow! - Stop it!

- Ah! - Let us out of here!

- Stop doing that!

Ah, that really hurts!

- How long are we going to keep torturing them?

- Until they tell us their plans

for taking over the world.

- Ah! Ah!

We do not have a plan to take over the world!

Ah!

- It's all just a big misunderstanding!

-

Get us out of here! Ah!

- Hmm, perhaps they'll give in to a little Japanese torture.

- ♪ Make it count, play it straight ♪

- Ah! - Stop it!

- Why is this happening?

- ♪ Here we go big time... ♪

- Stop it! Stop it!

Make him stop! Make it stop, please!

Make it stop!

- Oh, they'll crack.

- ♪ Oh, go on, shake it up ♪

♪ What you gotta lose ♪

- Why? Make it stop!

- All the Duke said is that

we're taking a horse and carriage

to the finest restaurant in all of London

before the concert.

- Admit it, mom, royalty has its advantages.

- Perhaps my daughter, the genius, is not so crazy.

- The genius princess...

- Attention, loyal subjects!

It's me, the Duke of Bath, with another royal sale!

So come on down today

and pick out a throne of your own.

I've got thousands to choose from.

- Castles. You said you had 17 castles.

- So march on down to one of my 17 castles,

and see me, the Duke,

and I'll treat you--hmm-- like a king.

- I can fix this.

I just tell the Duke that mom's a dude,

then I tell mom the Duke has a meeting

with the queen, then...

we meet an earl of something

or a "sir" guy knighted by the queen,

and I can still be a princess.

- Well, hello there, princess.

- Do you realize you are nuts?

- Do you realize you never shut up?

- You? Take over the world?

You know we have enough problems already.

- The problem with the world, princess,

is that it's run by many different people

with different ideas.

What it needs is to be run by one person:

Sir Atticus Moon.

Cat me!

Do you call that a throw?

Oh, look, somebody just hand me a cat.

- Seriously, just put down the cat,

get back on your yacht, and enjoy life,

'cause you have nothing here.

- The only thing I don't have to start my revolution, princess,

is the Beetle,

and you're going to help me get it.

- Oh. - That's odd.

It usually works in the movies.

- Well, no matter what, if we don't wake him up,

our whole world tour comes crashing down.

- Don't worry, Penny. We'll get through this.

- James, I don't need a hug.

- Would you rather kiss? - No.

- How are you still alive?

- What do you want, Moon?

- Actually, it's what Big Time Rush wants.

- You can't take over the world, moron!

- No, no, no, no, no, no!

- And if you ever want to see the princess again,

you will bring me the Beetle.

- And bring a shrink, 'cause he's nuts!

- How do you live with her?

Seriously, she's dreadful.

- Katie's the princess.

- You have one hour to bring me the Beetle.

I believe Agent Lane knows the address.

Moon out!

- Don't worry. We're gonna get Katie.

- Hey, in my dream, we save the princess,

not not save her.

- And as long as we have the Beetle,

he can't do anything.

- Right.

Okay. All right.

- Listen, we hold all the cards

as long as we hold on to the backpack.

- Now we have zee backpack!

Sweden will rule the world!

-

- Oh!

- Let us out! Let us out!

Let us out!

- Yeah, I am totally having the worst day ever.

- ♪ The music sounds better with you ♪

♪ Ooh, baby, it feels right ♪

♪ It feels like... ♪

- Oh, stop it! - Please stop it!

Make it stop! Help!

- No one has ever outlasted Yakamoto.

- ♪ Everything is better with you... ♪

- Oh, we're alive!

- We're still alive! - Oh, thank goodness!

- We made it. - Oh, we made it!

- They've got to be the most diabolically trained minds

in all of history.

- Or they're telling the truth,

and Big Time Rush are not spies.

They're just in the wrong place at the wrong backpack time.

- Hmm.

So what you're saying is,

you're not actually trying to take over the world

but rather using the phrase metaphorically

with regard to expanding the popularity

of your music globally?

BOTH: Yes!

- Right, well, um...

Sorry.

- Uh, "sorry" ain't gonna cut it, bud.

Now, I want you to find Big Time Rush,

get us back to the Hyde Park Amphitheater,

and explain what has happened here today

to our world tour promoter.

- Or Britain will have a political scandal on its hands

of international proportions.

- And we want a police escort and an apology from the queen.

- We're in a sheep field. - That's fine.

All we have to do is get back to London somehow.

In fact, I bet the dogs are at the theater right now

just wondering where we are.

- Laser engaged.

- Okay, I'll bite.

What's with the giant laser?

- Part two of my revolution.

You've already met part one.

- You know everyone who's tried to take over the world

has failed--

Genghis Khan, Napoleon, Simon Cowell?

- That's because they didn't try

to take over the moon first,

which is part three.

- Supermoon alignment in T-minus one hour

and counting.

- Dude, what are you going to do with the moon?

- Ah-ah-ah.

If there's one thing I've learned from spy films,

it's never reveal your evil plans

before you implement them.

But there's nothing like a good ticking clock

to spice things up.

And in one hour,

you will no longer be addressing me as "dude"

but as "Your Highness Lord Supreme Commander Lord Moon."

Eh, it's a bit busy, isn't it?

Uh, "Prime President Moon,

Chancellor of the Earth."

Eh? No.

Right.

Moon--

Moon the Merciless?

Hmm? Yeah?

Moon the Merciless? Moon the Merciless!

I believe, perhaps I shall practice my evil laugh now.

Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha--

Ow!

- Okay, let's go over our options one more time.

- We can go to the London police,

but they'll arrest us.

- Well, we can go to MI6,

but they'll interrogate us and/or torture us.

- Guys!

Look, we defeated the evil villain in my dream.

It was us.

We did it.

- How?

- In tuxedos.

- He did get the Beatles song right.

- And the white-suited villain...

- Two.

- And the princess.

- Three.

- Okay, we should just go to the police

like we should've done in the first place.

Yeah, they arrest us, but we plead innocent.

Then after hiring the best lawyers in London,

we go to trial.

However, with a solid opening argument,

I believe we can--

okay, what did we do in your stupid dream?

- Okay, Kendall and I attacked the castle

from the ground via spy car and spy bike--

- Great, but where are we gonna get a spy car

and spy bike?

- Might I suggest you take a spy van instead?

- Wait. He can drive himself?

- Not well.

And, van, I thought they weren't authorized.

- My sensors detect you need help,

so I'm authorizing you.

- So this is really happening?

- Yep.

- We're not dreaming?

- Nope.

- I want a cool weapon too.

Of course.

- Hello.

Well, don't you look fetching?

And concerned.

- Well, I can't find Katie.

She went to look for the boys,

who I haven't seen all day.

- Oh, perhaps it's her way

of getting you and the duke alone together for dinner, eh?

- That wouldn't surprise me.

- Perhaps these might cheer you up.

- Uh...

these are toilet plungers.

- I picked them myself.

And relax; it's not as if the boys

are off rescuing some princess who's been held captive

by some madman intent on world domination, is it?

That's silly.

-

Ooh-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

No, it's too big, isn't it?

It's really not believable?

Right!

I want ten evil laugh suggestions

from all of you by tomorrow.

- Sir!

- Okay, fellas, ready to rebel and stop the crazy person?

I mean, is this what you really wanted to be doing, huh?

I mean, look at the way he dresses you.

- It will give me great pleasure, princess,

for you to be the first civilian to bow before your new leader.

Because it's time to start up my giant laser...

-

- And start...my revolution!

♪ ♪

- Beetle engaged.

- What is going on?

- There's a huge power surge reading on the coast, sir.

It's off the charts.

- Zoom in on the satellite footage.

- It's Sir Atticus Moon's castle,

with a giant laser popping out of it.

- Get the royal air force on the line

and scramble jets immediately.

- All communications are totally jammed.

- Jam button. Jam button.

I love my jam button!

- Can you determine where the laser's aimed?

Parliament, Buckingham Palace, Washington?

- Estimated target for laser is...

- He's going to push the moon out of its orbit.

- That would cause all the seas to rise out of control.

- And volcanoes to erupt

and earthquakes to break out so rapidly,

governments would have no choice but to surrender.

- Good God.

Is there nobody out there who can stop him?

- Take the pen! - I don't want the--

I don't want the pen! - Hey, you're the pen guy!

- -

- What's with the scary moon clock?

- My sensors just picked it up from MI6 servers.

- What other images can you access?

- A giant laser.

Okay, so moon has a giant laser attached to his roof.

- That's how he's going to take over the world.

- Okay, um, what does that mean?

- It means you now have 3 minutes and 20 seconds

to not only save the princess but the world.

- Carlos, in your dream, what happened in the castle?

- Um, okay, Logan and I took out the henchmen,

Kendall untied the princess,

and James fell from the sky and crashed into the villain.

- Done.

Wait. I fell from the what?

- Can you be more specific?

The castle is going to be swarming with guards.

- Right, okay, no.

- Entering moon's security zone in ten seconds.

- Look, we can do this.

We have to.

So what do we do?

- Punch the petrol, activate the battering ram,

and smile pretty for the security camera.

- What's that alarm?

I don't like alarms.

They're alarming!

- Someone has entered the castle's security zone, sir.

- Who?

I've jammed every military computer on earth.

Who is it?

Big Time Rush.

No!

- ♪ You say you want a revolution ♪

♪ Well, ya know ♪

- Go!

Get them! Secure the perimeter!

Go, go, go!

- ♪ You tell me that it's evolution ♪

♪ Well, you know ♪

- You get the princess, and we'll stop Moon!

♪ ♪

- ♪ But when you talk about destruction ♪

♪ Don't you know that you can count me out ♪

♪ Don't you know it's gonna be ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All right ♪

- Force field activated.

- ♪ All right ♪

-

- ♪ You say you got a real solution ♪

- Let's go.

- ♪ Well, you know ♪

♪ We'd all love to see the plan ♪

- Yoo-hoo!

Hey!

- Good to see you, baby sister.

- Back at you, big brother.

- ♪ Well, you know ♪

♪ We're all doing what we can ♪

♪ But if you want money for people with minds that hate ♪

♪ All I can tell you is, brother, you have to wait ♪

- Hello!

- ♪ Don't you know it's gonna be ♪

- Sweden rules! - Ya!

♪ ♪

- ♪ All right ♪

- Look out!

- ♪ All right ♪

-

- ♪ All right ♪

♪ ♪

♪ All right, all right ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ All right! ♪

- Katie!

-

- Supermoon alignment in t-minus ten seconds

and counting.

♪ ♪

-

- Jump. - Easy for you to say.

- Just close your eyes and fall.

- Easy for you to say!

Mmm...

-

- Did I get him?

- That's enough! - Get it!

Stop it! Stop it!

- I think we just saved the world.

- Help!

Let go of me, you psycho. It's over!

- But we still have to save the princess!

- Bravo, Big Time Rush,

but I still have your princess.

Now give me the beetle as I make my getaway

because I always get everything I want.

- Look, if I give it to you, you'll let her go?

- Would I lie to you?

- Katie?

- Give it to him, big brother.

- Catch.

- Ow!

Where is it?

I can't reach it.

Where is it? I can't-- well...

this isn't fair!

Help! Help!

Well, don't just stand there!

Your music stinks, by the way!

Help!

- Well done, Big Time Rush.

Thank you.

And sorry about thinking you were bad boys.

You're not bad boys.

You're good boys who are not bad but good.

- And sorry for taking so long to get here.

- Hello? Hello?

- What do we do about him?

-

- We'll get him later. - Now,

if there's anything Great Britain can do for you...

- Well, um, we're supposed to kick off

our world tour tonight,

and we're a little late.

- Well, if Big Time Rush can help save the world...

- The least we can do is help save your world tour.

- Big Time Rush!

Big Time Rush! Big Time Rush!

Big Time Rush!

Big Time Rush! - That's it!

I'm canceling the entire world tour!

Because Big Time Rush is big-time...

- - Here.

Did we rehearse that entrance?

- Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

- Who says dreams don't come true?

- Yeah!

- Whoo!

- So what song are we gonna open our world tour with?

- What else?

- ♪ It's been a hard day's night ♪

♪ And I've been working like a dog ♪

♪ It's been a hard day's night ♪

♪ I should be sleeping like a log ♪

♪ But when I get home to you ♪

♪ I find the things that you do ♪

♪ Will make me feel all right ♪

♪ When I'm home ♪

♪ Everything seems to be right ♪

♪ When I'm home ♪

♪ Feeling you holding me tight ♪

♪ Tight, yeah ♪

♪ It's been a hard day's night ♪

♪ And I've been working like a dog ♪

♪ It's been a hard day's night ♪

♪ I should be sleeping like a log ♪

♪ So why on earth should I moan ♪

♪ 'Cause when I get you alone ♪

♪ You make me feel okay ♪

♪ All right ♪

♪ You make me feel all right ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ You know I feel all right ♪

- Ooh!

They did it.

Big Time Rush saved the world tour!

Yeah!

- ♪ Come on, let's elevate ♪

♪ We're floatin' in the air ♪

♪ Look at the view from here ♪

♪ Show you a world you never seen before ♪

♪ We're dancin' in the stars ♪

♪ No matter where we are ♪

♪ Jupiter Boulevard ♪

♪ Here we go, here we go ♪

♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪

♪ If you wanna party ♪

♪ You wanna party ♪

♪ Elevate a little higher ♪

♪ Let's throw a party in the sky and celebrate ♪

- There you are.

Where's your tiara?

- Oh, I'm giving up the princess thing.

- Oh. Really?

- Big time.

The duke sells toilets, by the way.

-

- ♪ Don't even hesitate ♪

♪ Just let it escalate ♪

♪ And no, we ain't coming down ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Elevate a little higher ♪

♪ Let's throw a party in the sky and celebrate ♪

♪ Elevate until we flyin' ♪

♪ Move, move your feet until you levitate ♪

♪ Come on, let's elevate ♪

- What are you cheering at?

They stink!

I'll get you, Big Time Rush!

- Yes!

London has been crushed,

and now to rule the rest of the world.

ALL: Don't say that.

- And since our flight for Germany

doesn't leave till the morning,

we have a tour van waiting out back

to take you to the giant Ferris wheel

and to Parliament.

ALL: Yes!

- Now, don't get in trouble this time!

ALL: Got it.

- Hey, Mom, we finally get to go sightseeing.

- Yay. - Hope you don't mind.

ALL: Bye!

- Have fun!

- And I hope you don't mind

that I'm a toilet salesman and not royalty.

- Eh, as long as you don't mind I hate toilets.

The look, the smell, cleaning them.

Ugh, gross.

- Ah, I'm afraid this isn't going to work out.

Bye-bye.

- Huh.

- Excuse me.

Good evening. I'm the Earl of Sandwich.

I got my niece backstage passes to the show.

And what do you two lovely ladies

have to do with the production?

- Oh, no.

You're not gonna charm me with your castles and tea

only to give me a bouquet of ham on rye,

'cause I'm done.

- You should have told her

she would be third in line for the throne.

- Well, she didn't give me the chance.

- All right, first up,

we're heading to the giant Ferris wheel thing.

- Okay, so Parliament it is.

- We can go everywhere 'cause we have our own driver.

- Hot show, Big Time Rush.

But you have forgotten one thing.

- He's gonna say "to die."

- Your backpack, yo.

- But seriously, you've got to add a world tour stop in Sweden,

or we kill you.

- Ya, kill you.

- We'll make it happen. - Yeah.

- ♪ You got to live it big time ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh, oh ♪

- All right, everyone in favor

of never becoming secret agents again,

even at Halloween parties, say done.

ALL: Done.

- And that's great,

but how are we going to get around London now?

- Anybody need a tour van?

- We might have to make a few stops along the way.

- Now, get in the van.

ALL: Let's do this.

- Ha-ha! - Let's go!

- Love the van plan!

- Don't forget Parliament.

♪ ♪

- All right, the movie's over.

You can tell by my license plate.