Original subtitles

No animal in the world puts me more in a bad mood...

than the human being.

Apart from mosquitoes, flies and sand flies.

It's a gorilla.

I've been here for 35 years and I got my idea.

Man doesn't descend from the monkey, it's the monkey that descends from man.

Go, get closer.

I can bring many evidences to support the primacy of primates.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

When they meet,

humans don't rub nor delouse each other,

and they don't even smell each other's ass.

They talk, talk, talk...

Look how cute the gorilla is!

That's why they never say anything.

Dad, let's go see the penguins.

- Alfonso, look. - Mom is more beautiful from above.

I want to give you a peaceful life, with no rash decisions,

fall asleep on the couch every night with you,

with a nice plaid on our legs

and a hot herbal tea to fight off the cold.

Honey, this is for you, it's the new catalogue.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Let the hair rollers cool off then we'll add the highlighters, alright?

Boys?

I'm sorry, boys, no.

If you have to get rid of your blackheads,

let your wives do it, it's even better than making love.

This is a place for girls, come on!

- Are you the pedicurist? - Not yet.

- Hello, counsellor. - Concita.

- Any phone calls? - For me, yes.

For you... No, I'm sorry.

What's she doing in my office? I'm paying the rent, that's not good.

Yes, it's just that...

He doesn't always pay the rent, but it doesn't matter.

I forgot the children.

It's dad.

He came to eat the cake.

Watch it, kids.

Hi, Ale.

Happy birthday, girls.

- A doll! - It's a Barbie doll, it's more expensive.

- Excuse me. - She's beautiful, dad, but we're two.

Alfonso gave us a drone.

Right, that's one. You're hard to please, Rosa.

Dad, I'm Sara.

- Welcome, Lorenzo, about time. - Hi, Ale.

I gave you this present.

- What a house Alfonso has! - When you work, you know, it happens.

What do you mean? That I'm not a good lawyer?

Lorenzo, I decided to get married. I want a divorce.

I don't understand.

I want to get married, I need a divorce.

- Do you need time to think it over? - None of that!

Alfonso and I have been together for two years, the children need...

They already have a family.

...stability, especially Ale.

He hasn't been talking for two months, did you notice?

Lorenzo.

- No. - Don't say no.

Sara, shall we play?

- How did it go with... - Very well.

- I want you in white, my little dove. - Absolute white.

- Who gave you the keys? - I made a copy.

You're the one who told me to make myself at home.

I was just being polite, Jimmy. Besides, I said that years ago.

- Jimmy, get two eggs. - Alright, mom.

- Do you want to make a frittata? - Yes, "a frittata".

- Do you have any ham? - Are you getting groceries?

- Get the toaster too. - I know her too well.

What a shitty day!

Mom, the toilet paper is finished, only the sandpaper type is left.

It's not finished, he hides it inside the cupboard.

So Cinderella said: "You know, I thought of something."

That's exactly what she said.

Instead of the classic Prince Charming on his white horse,

why don't we choose a normal person,

an honest worker, maybe beige or brown with a black donkey

with a nice carriage that supports the whole family, uh?

- Hi, gorilla! - Hi!

"Hi, gorilla!" Every day the same old story.

Another class, how long does compulsory education last?

What do you mean they're not coming?

- I have nothing to do with it. - But I'm waiting for them!

You don't have a good relationship.

It's only your fault if there's our neighbour in their drawings.

Alfonso is there, everyone is there, but you're not.

Put them on right now.

What an ugly face!

Listen, they're watching cartoons.

Kids, let's go.

What are you looking at?

- Remain seated. - Here's the water.

- I want chocolate. - I want a sandwich.

Who wants a piece of chocolate?

Martina has chocolate.

It's a narrow passage, but we will get in there, Concita.

- Yes, of course, counsellor. - Who is better, Alfonso or myself?

Well, I don't know Alfonso,

but I'd say you are, counsellor, no doubt.

My wife will say that too when I'll be rich and famous

and I'll open my sea view law firm.

You're not going to abandon me, counsellor.

We don't have to build new cages,

but demolish those who already exist.

I'll sue the zoo to free my client.

A gorilla.

A gorilla?

Male or female?

A "goril-la", must be a female.

Yeah, right, otherwise it would have been a "gorillo".

Sex: female.

- Good morning. - Hello.

I'm Emma Manca, I'm the lawyer of the other party.

I represent the zoological garden.

If I win, you'll sign the divorce papers.

Let's hurry, if you please.

Emma Manca.

Female.

Your Honour, in our culture humanity is a value,

while animality, I'm sorry for you, isn't one yet.

George Clooney's pig, the Beckhams' poodles...

I won't start from creation to reiterate once and for all

the difference between men and animals.

- There's a blackhead. - No.

Anaxagoras claimed that man is the most intelligent of animals

because he has the hands.

While Aristotle claimed that man has the hands

because he's the most intelligent of animals.

Wow, she's good.

Brad Pitt's micro-ponies, Mike Tyson's tigers,

Antonio Banderas' hen, only demonstrate one thing, just one.

It's not animals who need men,

it's men who need animals.

Quiet!

My gosh! I'm his beautician.

If they're so smart, is there anyone of you in this courtroom

who has ever seen a gorilla put a vinyl on the turntable

and enjoy it with a good glass of bourbon?

Right.

Close to my mother, no.

She is old, she wouldn't cope.

- Let's sit him at the kids' table. - That's out of question!

He wounded my nephew with the drone, ten stitches on his temple, you know?

Today was a terrible day.

Listen, what if we sit him on his own?

After all, he signed the divorce papers.

Alright.

Your Honour, the Zoological Garden treat the animal with consideration.

Moreover, a recent study has shown that gorillas in captivity

live 20 years longer than those in the wild.

- Objection. - Objection sustained.

Yes, they live longer, but we should ask ourselves if they're happy.

Maybe he has a companion or offspring he doesn't see anymore.

Even the counsellor had a companion and offspring he never saw

because he preferred to sink beers with his neighbour.

Your Honour, she changed a lot after the wedding.

She became Radio Tragedy.

When they take you to the beach downstairs for your honeymoon,

you can't really be Radio Bliss.

It's not my fault if we live on the Amalfi Coast.

A place where the whole world wants to come and we leave?

Your Honour, objection! The counsellor is lazy.

- She's the one who's always busy. - Working!

A word that perhaps is unknown to you,

raising the children and cleaning the toilet

you always left in a lousy state.

Her cleaning standard is the highest in the whole animal kingdom.

You left the toothpaste with the cap off.

Objection, I leave it with the cap off for whoever comes afterwards.

- It's called courtesy. - And you never found your socks!

- You changed places to mislead me. - Of course, now it's my fault.

In addition to working, raising the children,

and cleaning the toilet, I also find the time to mislead him.

- Quiet! - Three children, a wife and a Smart.

- I've said it all! - The hearing is suspended.

- You've changed. - You're still the same.

Actually, counsellor, you never pull up the toilet seat in my shop.

No, I mean, I was just...

Eggplant patties, still warm.

- Thanks a lot. - Hi, Lorenzo.

- Thanks, Alfonso. - You wanted some too?

Never mind, don't worry about it.

- Thanks. - Not at all.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

- Where do want to sit? - I'm fine here.

- I meant at the recep... Ouch! - I'm sorry honey, it's a spasm.

I'm sorry.

Since we are deciding the places for...

- Sweetheart! - Another spasm.

At the reception, we're trying...

- Are you alright? - It's a spasm, another one.

Basically since this morning I've had this pain from the cervical

to the sciatic nerve.

- Do you think it's the heels? - You've been sitting for too long.

Bye, honey, I'm sorry.

Bye.

Please come along, guys. Come on, follow me.

Excuse me, my dear, let me through.

You have to get up, I'm sorry, I need the seats for the animal activists.

Please, hurry up. Please, is it ok here?

Ok, sit down, guys.

All the other animal activists should sit where they can, alright?

No, not the animal activists!

I know, Your Honour, but they wanted to be here.

The predisposition to affectivity

allows us to recognize to superior primates

the status of non-human persons,

sentient beings capable of feeling emotions.

Given Paragraph 3 of Article 7 of the Civil Code,

this Court convicts the Zoological Garden.

Yes, sure.

Quiet!

The Court appoints the attorney, Dr. Lorenzo Caputo,

guardian of the animal in question.

The guardian will provide for the transfer of the animal to Africa,

at a park that best suits his needs.

The transfer will be at the expense of the guardian

without any financial compensation.

The hearing is dismissed.

- What am I earning from this? - What, counsellor? Advertising.

Well...

- This is an anesthetized country. - I agree, counsellor.

A sentence that will dramatically change the relationship between men and animals

seems to attract no interest,

but if you leave a dog on the highway, all hell breaks loose, you see?

Poor Italy, counsellor.

I can't believe it, we're going to Africa.

A chocolate kiss, sweet and a little salty

Chocolate ice-cream

This is the biggest insanity you could do, counsellor.

It's like using glitter instead of the highlighter, nonsense!

Tomorrow you'll be happy, I'll also pay you the rent.

Pal, are you sure that the shipping will be registered as done?

- Nobody will suspect a thing, right? - Sure.

Ok, did you hear that?

You'll stuff your stomach with all these bananas.

- I have a big family. - I know you.

You're all alone.

Pay.

- I don't have it. - Pay, come on.

Really, I don't have it, I'll give it to you next time.

I don't agree about a thing, counsellor, at all!

This guy's taking me to his house?

He seems very nervous.

Enough pessimism, he has to settle in. Get a banana.

Hey, come here.

My gosh, look at that hair!

Maybe a nice waxing would do him good, right?

Maybe you should...

- Maybe you have to peel it. - Yeah, and make him a fruit salad.

Humans.

They want to send everyone back to Africa, except those who want to go.

- Hop. - Easy.

I'm only going up because I have to pee.

Hopefully the bathroom will be clean.

What are you doing?

- I brought you back the toaster. - Where's the bathroom?

Who is he?

- Someone who needs a bathroom. - It's a gorilla.

- Ah! A gorilla? - Calm down, he's good.

It probably straight down and to the right as in Africa.

He's pissed off.

He's a male.

- That's better. - Why?

I don't know, I'm scared, I'm talking bullshit.

- He pulled up the toilet seat! - Gorillas are very smart.

He didn't exactly pulled it up.

A chocolate kiss, sweet and a little salty

A chocolate kiss!

Choco chocolate!

Stay there!

No, he even flushed it!

- Sometimes I forget. - So do I.

- Yes, that's perfect... - Who's hitting?

- It's nothing, mom, go to sleep. - I can't if I don't know who's hitting.

- A gorilla! - Don't say it.

It's psychological, the more you talk nonsense the less they'll believe you.

I'm good at this.

Think of a number.

- Two? - No.

- Four. - Come on.

- Sorry, flawed door. - Oh, God! Jimmy, get it.

- I have to go. - No, you're staying here now.

Lorenzo, you have a gorilla in your house!

- Please, Jimmy, I have beers. - They're all gone.

"Come home, Jimmy!" Mom is calling me, you hear? I'm going.

Chocolate ice-cream, sweet and a little salty

You, chocolate ice-cream

I should chew you up, I know it and you know it,

but I have heartburn with a slight intolerance to gluten.

So, you're in luck.

Well, we need a second bathroom.

This room is a bit small, but it's ok.

We'll order the books by their publisher otherwise I won't find anything.

Not the Civil Code!

No!

- It wasn't that hard. - Calm down.

We'll get a smart TV for soccer games.

Damn, the TV!

And a new couch.

- That too! - For soccer as well.

Be good, be nice.

- It's my wife, ex wife. - Where will she sleep?

Well, no females in the house.

No animals and least of all children.

You can't eat in my...

You smoke, right?

No smoking in common areas,

no eating in my bed, to avoid crumbs.

I got it.

This guy is separated.

- Help, help, help! - Where are you going?

I won't eat you! I am a vegetarian with vegan tendencies.

Don't get me wrong, uh.

The defense of a breeding bull they want to put to sleep?

Why, what did he do?

Oh, he's not breeding.

Oh, he's gay.

Yes, I'll talk to the counselor as soon as he comes back.

Ok, thanks. Bye.

Do you know that the outside world is really wonderful?

Aren't you hot with that?

- Yeah, yeah. - Come on!

- It makes me look slender, right? - Well...

There were two crocodiles and an orangutan

Two small snakes, a golden eagle

A cat, a mouse, an elephant

Nobody is missing, we're just not seeing the two unicorns

- Good morning, Mr. Gus. - Good morning.

Shall we go see the fishes?

There is nothing more exciting

than a family with lots of children and a pet.

Too bad this beloved country of ours decided not to have more children.

How can I help you?

We'd like to sell you a pet, which is quite big.

Look how nice!

- What does the frog say? - It's not a frog.

- Right. - The frog croaks.

The turkey go...

- Go... - Cha-caw!

- Gobbles. - Gobbles.

- The dog? - Barks.

- This one is right. - The cat?

- Meows, mew! - The tiger?

- Roars. - No, that's the lion.

- The tiger... - Meows hard.

- That's a big cat. - The tiger swooshes.

- Swooshes. - The deer?

Brays.

Oh, come on.

- The deer? Come on, the deer? - I don't know.

The deer, I don't know.

- I don't know. - Oh, no.

- The deer bellows. - That was hard.

- Bellows, bellows. - Bellows.

- The deer. - Bellows.

- The duck quacks. - Quacks.

While the cricket...

The cricket in love or the talking cricket?

- The cricket. - The classic cricket, the classic one.

It goes like this.

- Chirps. - Chirps.

- The ferret? - Ferrets.

Well, if you don't know the animal sounds,

I can't trust you.

- I won, dad didn't come. - It's not fair.

Wait for us! What's his problem?

Giovanna Marmo says he likes the new girl.

Mission impossible!

He hasn't been talking for two months.

It's a prepubertal selective mutism aggravated by family instability.

- Don't make me feel guilty, Alfonso. - No guilt, Emma.

You'll see that our marriage will improve the situation.

But you're stressing me!

If medicine stresses you, let's get back to witchcraft.

He made it.

Come on, kids, get ready!

- Dad is here. - Dad is here.

- I know, I know. - Do you know what time it is?

- I had a terrible day. - I don't care!

- I want the house back! - Appreciate the fact that I'm here.

- Only two words: "Divorce." - That's one.

"Divorce now", that's two.

What's this smell?

I changed softner, you don't like it?

Bye, mom.

- Bye, sweeties. - Hi, kids.

We'll have a quick bite to eat and I'll bring them back to you.

No, it's your turn.

They say fathers are worth something, but I've yet to figure that out.

- Bye, sweeties, bye. - Bye, mom.

Bring them back right away and I'll get sole custody. Bye girls, bye!

Bye.

If you don't bring them back, I'll kill myself.

Damn, Emma, how many times do I have to tell you to stop being so dramatic?

Calm down, calm down, calm down!

Sorry if we don't eat at home, but it's very messy.

The Filipino cleaning lady didn't come, and by the way she's Italian.

Anyway, it's nice to eat food that's not good for you!

Sometimes we should try with gasoline.

- Hi, Lorenzo. - Hi.

Mom doesn't want you to laugh at my jokes?

He said: "Your jokes are not funny."

Thank you.

He said: "You're welcome."

Eat slowly so we can spend more time together.

- Are we going back at mom's afterwards? - Yes.

- Yes! - Yes!

- I have to pee, it's urgent. - Damn!

- Let's go. - Let's go, hurry.

Let's go, dad, come on.

Cheers!

Come on, let's go.

You can kill me, I'm not going in there.

- Jimmy, is everything ok? - No, the toilet paper is sand paper.

Kids, keep quiet.

Be careful, no sudden movements.

- Come, we'll take you to the bathroom. - What's going on, dad?

Jimmy?

Nothing, let's stay close together.

- We hardly ever see each other! - Where is the bathroom door?

I've put a curtain, it's more convenient.

If you have an urgency, you just run.

Jimmy, come play with us.

It's the "Shining" twins.

- Ok, hold on tight. - No, no.

Dad will introduce you to the pet that mom has always denied you.

The rules were simple.

- No kids, no animals! - Help.

He's my new pet, he stinks but he's very kind.

- Careful, he has never seen twins. - They are little girls like any other.

Sure, they all say that.

Stay here. If he bites you, it's not my fault. Rosa!

- It's Sara. - I know, I know.

How disgusting.

- I have an idea, disfigure one of them. - A chimpanzee, it's crazy.

What's crazy is that you pee and don't clean up.

You talked! Do you know you have a beautiful voice?

A splendid voice.

Look at me.

Since when does he speak?

No, no, don't tell me he'll make that sign.

Don't tell me, don't...

He did it.

Dad, why do you have a gorilla?

He's not like a kitten that you can keep at home.

Beer for everyone?

- We can't drink alcohol. - Beer is not alcohol!

Dad, can we call him Peppe?

No, Peppe no.

Girls, come on! Peppe is for people, alright?

Good job, Jimmy, nice cardigan.

So, dog, Fuffy.

Monkey, Chita.

Gorilla, Bongo.

Girl, Sara.

Rosa? Sara? They're of no help whatsoever.

No.

I think he'll like Peppino.

Maybe not.

- I can't wait to tell mom. - This doesn't seem like a good idea.

Mom doesn't have to know, at all.

You are old enough to understand this could be a great investment,

that will bring wealth to the whole family, because we are a family, right?

That's another one of your messes?

- Yes. - Ok, dad, we won't tell mom.

But can we have breakfast with Peppino tomorrow?

- I give up. - But how? I don't have any toothbrush.

- That's right. - Nor pijamas.

We have to set up a bed and breakfast, you see?

Is this a relapse?

He says you'd rather keep a gorilla in your house than us.

Bring your keys, I won't open.

Sweet and a little salty, chocolate ice-cream

So, did you find out the sound of a ferret?

- The ferret dooks. - Oh, good, congratulations!

Come along.

- And how does the crocodile sound? - No one knows.

You stay here.

We give back their dignity to these animals.

They all come from zoos or circuses who went bankrupt,

or from individuals who noticed that their dear pet

had become too big.

That's more or less my case, but where do you send them?

That lion was a birthday present to Ariana Grande.

The zebra is going to Cristiano Ronaldo's villa,

it's a Christmas gift from his club.

It will be a problem putting it under the tree.

You know that zebras are the most predated animals?

Well, with all those stripes...

Are these animals going to be ok?

Much better than in your appartment, believe me.

Here, you must sign all the pages. It's a nuisance, I know, please.

One, two.

Three.

Four, perfect.

To us these are only pieces of paper.

Trust is in a handshake.

We are loyal like the penguins to their companions.

- This penguin thing is very nice. - I know.

When will you come pick him up, Mr. Gas?

We'll let you know when the shipment is ready.

Gus.

Gus?

We will do a very clean job, in every sense of the word.

You'll find your home neat and fragrant.

- Perfect. - No one will notice a thing.

He'll be narcotized.

- You should have seen your face. - What about a down payment?

The gorilla eats a lot, he's picky.

First we see the camel, then we pay the money.

Speaking of camels,

we delivered a beautiful specimen to Kim Jong-un.

You know him?

A good guy.

A nutcase.

Good morning everyone.

Good morning, counselor.

Concita, I'm paying good money to rent a room.

- I deserve a greeting. - You haven't paid in months, counselor.

Anyway, my friend Gus is a great guy.

It's a bit eccentric, but he loves animals very much.

You sold him.

Come on, selling is an ugly word, it's a transaction.

Concita, you know very well I couldn't keep him at home.

- I swear he will be better. - Counselor.

When I was a child I had a chick.

My mother gave it to a farmer saying he would be better, but...

Only when I grew up I knew he ate it, roasted!

- Counselor, come on. - Concita, you make me feel bad.

Anyway, something is moving, counselor.

That's good, but only big stuff, Concita.

No birds and their droppings or dogs that bite.

I took the liberty to accept the case of Teo.

It's a complicated custody case after a no-consent separation.

A child who's suffering.

It's perfect, Concita, good job.

It's not a child, it's a...

- A hamster! - Hello, yes.

A Guinea pig.

What are you doing here?

The teacher told us that the gorillas live in Africa.

- In small troops. - What does it have to do with me?

- Peppe feels lonely in your living room. - Did you tell the teacher?

We're not stupid, but we have to help him, let's go see him.

No, come on, you know.

Today is not my turn and I can't keep you, I'm sorry.

Bye, dad.

- I respect our turns, that's... - We'll go tell mom.

The deal was that we'd go to Africa,

not that Africa would come here.

Hey Peppe!

Are you sure he feels at home?

Sure, counselor. Look at him, he's very quiet.

Jimmy, you look different today.

He looks happy, he's looking at you.

- No, he's looking a everyone. - No, I'm looking at you.

- He took you for a female. - I don't think so.

This costume belongs to my uncle Ugo, he's a man.

You look gorgeous.

Homosexuality is widespread in the wild.

No way!

Jimmy, in all fairness you should know that it's been 35 years...

Why is he staring at me?

- What do you want? - Oh, God!

Why are you pushing me?

- Where are they going? - Come with me.

- Girls, don't look. - What's he doing? Stop him!

- Jimmy, pretend you're dead! - Pretend I'm dead?

- Gosh, oh, God! - Is everything ok?

- No, what are you doing? - Oh, my God!

Stop, ah!

- Mom, help! - Not in my room.

Jimmy, take precautions.

Shall we take the door down?

Everything's fine, guys.

I made him understand it was an impossible relationship.

How did he take it?

Well, well.

There's so much esteem and affection, we remained friends.

I'll get a beer.

Lorenzo called, he said they're sleeping over.

Shall I call the police?

Are we sure he took them at school?

- Where else? - At a gambling house?

- A bar in Caracas? - There they are, hi!

Hi, sweeties! Let's go, come on.

Girls, you want to tell me why you slept at your father's place?

I want to know what is going on.

Ta-da! All three caught red-handed.

- Dad gave you a thing? - Answer, is that it?

- It's not exactly a thing. - It's an animal.

- I meant it's a Guinea pig. - From Peru.

What kind of present is that?

- They'll get leptospirosis. - Some doxycycline and they'll be fine.

A Guinea pig?

You are easily entertained! As long as you're happy...

- Oh! - Here it is.

Oh, good job!

Thanks, counselor, I had a difficult childhood.

You stink, don't move!

- You stink a lot, it's true. - No, no, stay still!

Ok.

Ok.

Swine?

Bastard?

Whore?

The parrot said all these things?

To your neighbor?

Yes, it's a rather complex cause, but I'll talk to the counselor. Bye.

Stop thief! Stop thief!

- Good morning. - Your ID.

- I don't have it. - You can't get in.

I'm their father! The boy is in middle school and the twins in the primary.

- What if you are a pedophile? - What? I have to see their teachers.

- When was your son born? - My son...

- Your wife? - I'm separated.

- When were the twins born? - It's hard, they're two.

Ok, you're the father, you may go in.

You write a message and send it, but you have to put a picture.

Yeah, so I'll end up in the moms' chat.

- He sent it. - Peppe!

Lorenzo, will you tell me the truth? Why are they always at your house now?

Where have I failed as a mother, uh? Where have I failed?

Damn.

- No, no! - Today you have to pay.

- Jimmy! - Oh!

Today you have to pay! Today you have to pay!

Open the door!

It means satisfaction.

That is, to be more precise it means: "Damn, this is so awesome!"

That's for sure!

This house has basically become "The Jungle Book".

"A little man? Asked Mother Wolf."

"I've never seen one, bring him here."

"Stay down, little frog, or Mowgli,"

"because I want to call you Mowgli the frog."

"One day you will hunt down Shere Khan as he hunted you."

Are you sleeping?

"Fsit" down here.

Well...

In "fchool" there's a new girl.

The moft beautiful I have ever feen.

(Ale) She also has freckles.

I'd say it's a good thing, what's the problem?

How can I talk like thif?

But...

That's why you weren't talking? For a child?

- A girl. - No, yes.

So your mom and I had nothing to do with it?

That's why I didn't feel guilty, I could sense this.

Ok, I'll give you an advice.

Use the other letters, there are twenty-one, right?

There are things you can do to surprise her, nice things, right?

I surprised your mom twice,

when I won her over and then when I lost her.

She didn't think I would keep on being such a dick head.

Sorry, I said: "Head."

- Thanks, dad. - What's the name of this girl?

"Fonia".

Damn!

I like the jungle, the children at the campsite,

I also like this thing about the perfect father.

Really, it's all nice, but I'm not going to sleep on the tree.

I'm all stiff.

Oh, it looks dead, I have to get rid of it.

Where shall I put it? Where shall I put it? Where shall I put it?

You're not sleeping much either.

Naples! It's the law of the jungle.

A chocolate kiss, sweet and a little salted

I had never seen you smoking, counselor.

I started today.

Apparently people who are separated smoke three times more than others.

That's why I'm not filing for divorce, Concita, you see? So I won't die.

How's the big gorilla?

- Good, he is settling in. - Is the transaction completed?

Almost, almost.

Poor gorilla, counselor.

Concita.

Don't tell the kids, if you can.

Piennolo small tomatoes with ashes from erupting Vesuvius.

Standing pacchero, Armando Pasta,

only 100% Italian supply chain wheat.

Walk in the woods on a rough and steep path.

It's all very interesting, especially the walking pacchero,

this thing amuses me.

But since it's a wedding,

could we have something more filling?

- Not even a red mullet? - No, not the red mullets.

Who is it?

I don't like them, they...

They...

- Sweetie. - They horrify me.

Sweetheart, you talked!

- Actually he already talked to dad. - And quite a lot too!

Oh yeah?

I really would have enjoyed the red mullets, you know?

If you don't care about this wedding, just tell.

Alfonso, please, that's enough.

Emma, that's exactly what it seems.

The red mullets are the least of our problems.

Lorenzo didn't sign the divorce papers.

What do you mean he didn't sign? I don't understand.

I mean what I said.

Are you telling me Lorenzo is still your husband?

Yes, Lorenzo is still my husband.

This means you lied to me.

Yes, Alfonso, I lied to you!

Emma, calm down.

It's only a matter of male human beings.

Calm down.

Well, should I cancel the red mullets?

Right.

Are you going?

It's got to be the Jehovah's Witnesses.

They already came by yesterday, don't sign anything, God doesn't exist.

Who is it?

- Emma. Open up. I have to talk to you. - Emma?

- Your wife, remember? - Yeah, yeah, I remember.

Lorenzo?

Kids!

Lorenzo?

- Wake up, we have an emergency. - Did you sign?

- What is it? - Mom is here.

Lorenzo!

Get up and follow me, it's Rosa's turn.

- Why isn't it ever my turn? - It will be next time.

Lorenzo, open or I'll take the door down!

I'd like to take a nice ftroll with you.

- Damn, no ftroll! - Ok, we are going out.

I'll leave Sara with you, get her clothes on and take her to shool.

- Dad, I can't ftroll. - Listen.

There's a billion things you can do with girls, split!

- Come on. - Fplit? I can't!

Ale, I'll talk to you about females, that guy knows zilch.

Come on, come on!

- It's nothing serious. - Oh, my God!

- It's nothing serious. - Sweetheart!

- She has leptospirosis? - Probably.

We better take her to the doctor right away, she has a high fever.

- She's cold. - I rubbed her with ice.

- I'm sick, mom, let's go. - Sweetie.

- Open the door. - Yes, but what about Sara?

She's with Ale, we must give him some responsibility, right?

Sweetie, keep your hands inside.

Mum and dad will get there soon.

She looks fine, maybe you just got upset.

No.

Listen, Lorenzo, tell me the truth, what's going on?

- What do you mean? - Ale talks, you see?

- Aren't you happy? - Of course I am.

It can't be all your doing! You were never there!

You were the phantom father, and now you show up and make miracles?

I had some physiological difficulties to get in that role.

- It happens to all the new fathers. - After three children?

- Two. You're losing one, right? - This way, please.

Lorenzo, I'm begging you, tell me the truth. What's going on?

- It wasn't me, it was love. - Love?

When you're in love, you have to tell everybody.

Open your mouth.

Rosa felt sick and Lorenzo called me.

She's fine.

- Thank goodness. - Great.

Except for the writing on her forehead, really...

- So it's a case of school sickness? - Acute.

- Thank goodness. - By the way, it's Sara.

- It isn't Sara. - No, I'm Rosa.

I knew it.

Now your father and I will take you to school right away, alright?

- What's this smell? - It's Lorenzo's new fabric softner.

You don't like it?

- You're a sly! - She's smart, she took after me.

Anyway, thanks, Alfonso. Hey, what is it?

- How do you evacuate? - Good.

- I'm a little constipated lately. - Constipated?

- I'm eating more bananas. - I don't like this eye.

You don't?

There's a issue regarding the sclera, the membranes.

Mario, I need an emergency colonoscopy.

- Alright then, thanks. - Lorenzo Caputo.

Suspected colon occlusion, I need a quick purge.

It's a simple routine exam.

We'll enter with a tube in the anus, we'll make our way inside.

- Then we'll go up. - Don't give me more details.

I have to, but relax, it doesn't last very long. It's actually a burst-in.

- I'll be asleep, right? - Anesthesia?

For such a trifle? Come on!

A gorilla? I can't believe it! You really did have something cool.

He's very fmart...

A genius.

Come on, Ale! Sniff her, delouse her.

Ok, I'll stop. You humans call this harassment.

He has five chro...

- Chromosomes? - Less.

What's his name?

Peppe! You had to take care of him and you let him run away!

He's a sore loser.

He ate the houses of the Monopoly and three hotels, so I left.

- You're an idiot! - No, you can't cheat.

He could have said: "I'm tired, I have a headache."

- My belly hurts, but no cheating. - Exactly.

What happened to your legs?

Excuse me, did you see a black guy, big, hairy and bent over?

- A gorilla. - No, no.

Where are you going? Stop!

- Go, go! - You have to pay for the bananas, stop!

Stop! Where are you going?

Solidarity.

Stop, you have to pay!

Stop!

Run, run.

Stop them, they're not nuns.

They stole those clothes.

Go!

Damn!

How cool! You have such an intense life!

There he is.

My gosh! I've never seen a seal pool this big.

Peppe?

Peppe.

- Not the mystical crisis! - Oh my God, my father.

Everything ok, Ale's dad?

- Such a poor figure. - The problem now is no longer the lisp.

It's not a lisp problem, but such a female looks good on your resume.

You went out like that, without telling?

What if you hurt yourself? What if someone took you away?

The city is a jungle, don't you know?

Atishoo!

Eat this candy, it's good for you.

If it's paracetamol, you'd better give me a gastric protector.

Ok, ok.

Ok, ok!

I got it, my friend, I'm taking you to Africa.

In Africa? Not in Africa.

I want to stay with you.

Just a hug, come on.

I decided to give him his freedom.

A gorilla has the status of a non-human person.

I'm sorry, you signed a contract.

I remind you that there's the right to a unilateral termination of the contract,

ex article 1373 of the Civil Code.

Shall we ask a judge what he thinks?

We're talking about a gorilla you're not supposed to have.

And a traffic of exotic animals that you're not allowed to run.

"Well, I say, search and you will find, knock and the door will be opened."

- I don't get it. - Alright, alright.

It's all canceled.

You really are a good man.

How cute, counselor!

Concita, call back all the clients we turned down.

- Even the foul-mouthed parrot? - And the gay bull.

Find a park for Peppe, I decided to free him.

Counselor, that's good news, ok!

So I'll do an armpit and I'll send requests all over the world.

Just call in Congo or Uganda.

- That's where the gorillas live, ok? - Ok, yes.

- He's identical, right? - Yes, just a little less ruffled.

He's very different.

- Good morning. - Good morning, ma'am.

I understand why Lorenzo would rather pay you than renting an office.

Thank you.

Do you think she just called me a slut?

Hey, what are you doing here?

- I'm worried about Ale. - What happened?

- I saw Sonia. - Oh, so have I.

Not even Brad Pitt's son could make it with someone like her.

- Now sort this mess out. - You always tell me to be a father.

You kept repeating me that and I was a father.

She'll make him suffer, he'll cry, he won't eat, he'll kill himself.

That's what teen-agers do.

Please, Emma, turn off Radio Tragedy.

But the problem is not the lisp.

- Ale! - Ale!

It's fair, at your age everything's possible, even the impossible.

The world is at your feet

and you have to bite it without thinking twice.

- I was like you... - But...

But there are some rare cases...

- This one. - Like this one, yes.

- That's one of them. - Where the impossible remains impossible.

- That's exactly the case. - That's right.

- Without beating around the bush. - Right.

- Sonia is not for you. - She's too beautiful, too old.

- Too much of everything. - Yeah.

Everything.

- Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad. - You're welcome.

Thanks for the vote of confidence.

You see?

If we lose the restaurant reservation, it's going to be a problem.

It's all booked solid until 2020.

We'll let him be a father now, then he'll also learn to be an ex husband.

Peppe.

- Who's sick? - Nobody.

- Why did you call me? - To see you, we never see each other.

Are you nuts?

- Where are the kids? How are they? - Good.

Move, Alfonso.

What's this, a jungle?

Is that my tyre?

No.

A gorilla.

He gulped the whole medicine cabinet, he did a suicide attempt.

- A gorilla. - We know.

- In an apartment? - Are you sure he has a degree?

I can't believe it.

- Tell me what he took. - Some pills.

- Aspiril. - A whole pack.

- Paracetamol. - Two packs.

Anxiolytics, antidepressants.

- Two packs. - Three.

- Four. - The whole bottle.

- Erectil. - A whole bottle.

Typical drugs you find in a loving family.

- Should I boil some water, doctor? - There's no need.

No? Ok, I'll leave these. Come with me, kids.

- It that adrenalin, doctor? - It's adrenalin, dear.

- Damn, we're losing him. - No, Come on, Peppe!

- Clear, clear! - Two, three...

I wouldn't wish to anyone four packs of anxiolytics.

I confess, it's not Africa blues, it's just that I'm scared shitless.

I've never set foot in Africa.

I was born at the Carate Brianza Park,

weaned on polenta taragna and cassoeula.

I'm one of you, I was born here.

Grant me the jus soli.

- Hi, you like the new house? - How are you, Peppe?

This house is a mess!

Good, uh?

A gorilla?

No.

Remember, this is our secret.

Of course, she'd kill you, you know?

- I know. - And that you'd stop being a father?

It would be too bad, they say you're great.

Thanks.

No.

Although that "Fonia" is too much for Ale, you know.

- Yes, he speaks like that, it's true. - Good.

No, Peppe.

- That's it. - Thanks.

Rosa, you see? Peppe likes celery.

Is the dosage clear?

- No, this is not our Teo. - No, it's not our Teo.

Are you sure? Look him in the eye.

Yes, Teo had a more ruffled coat, and I don't see the ecru nuance, no.

Even the nose, it looked like the cap of a jug.

- Yes. - Not pointed.

Yes, it's true, and initially we called him Shorty.

You remember, right?

- More or less. - No, it's not him, no.

- No, it's not him. - Right, he's not.

This is not your Teo, it's quite apparent.

It's a guinea pig for a test.

A test to find out if you were ready for a separation.

You just failed it.

You agree on everything, it shows you still love each other.

Well...

Concita, they still love each other, but they have to pay anyway.

- Where are you going? - To get a divorce.

I knew it would happen.

Counselor, if that's the case, you must leave the room rented to you.

Maybe we can find an agreement for the arrears.

How so?

Well, see...

I have a lot of clients, I don't know if I can manage with the shop.

Also because I don't love you anymore.

You loved me?

I did.

But not anymore.

Call me cynical.

All right, I'm cynical, but I like impossible stories.

I don't like a free man, I find it too demanding.

And from today you're a free man and I don't...

My gosh, it's unthinkable!

Trips to the beach, to the country.

On Sundays, both with the same sweat suit, bleah!

I want to throw up just thinking about it.

- No hard feelings, obviously. - No.

- You know something? - What?

You look good in your jaguar costume.

Leopard, counselor.

Leopard.

You didn't recycle your dress, did you?

How foolish of you!

Here, I signed everything.

Why now?

- There was a combination of factors. - Like what?

First factor, I understood that as a father...

You're not that bad as a father, you're much worse as an ex husband.

That was the second factor.

I can't believe we're doing this

when we have a whole house available.

A house? But that's where we made our kids.

- I have the gearshift on my back. - It's not the gearshift.

- The handbrake? - Neither.

Let's go to our house, come on, Lorenzo.

- No way! - What?

What are you hiding, Lorenzo? There's another woman, is that it?

The handbrake, Lorenzo!

I'm the only one putting the water in the fridge.

Oh, and this whole thing about Africa!

It's full of red ants, armadillos.

Not that I'm a racist, mind you.

You are very bright.

Hi.

- The kids? - Asleep, they're in bed.

You're very late, I was getting worried.

The life of the brides.

Luckily, you only get married once, or twice.

- Or three. - Liza Minnelli?

- How many? - Four.

Well, four to the max.

- You see these beautiful green leaves? - Yeah.

Emma.

Listen, I was thinking about something.

What if we just didn't invite Lorenzo? It' just a thought.

Easy.

The gardenias go on the table, I want a very clean job.

Jimmy?

Come on, you got the keys!

Lorenzo!

Emma?

Lorenzo, we have to talk, don't you think?

We can't go on like this.

We're not kids anymore, Lorenzo, we have three children.

We can't cuddle in the car at night!

We have to talk, don't you think?

Will you open the door?

I signed it.

Now it's up to you.

I you sign, I'm leaving for good.

Lorenzo, are you there?

Good morning, Emma,

I'm doing an improvers course for single fathers lawyers.

I'm becoming a better person, I can't...

- How did you do that? - I have the keys, it's my house.

- Why? I can't come in? - Yes.

- But... Lorenzo, what's going on? - Stop.

Let's get out of here, you, me and the kids, out of Italy forever.

Again with this fucking routine? You are hiding something from me.

Lorenzo.

Is there another woman?

- What are you talking about! - You can't have done it all by yourself.

- I did it for you. - You did it for me?

- Tell me, is it Concita? - It's no one, no one!

- Is it Concita? - Stop!

Who are these?

You're a psycopath!

- A depraved man, a monster! - No.

- You'll never see the children again. - Listen to me.

I live with a gorilla.

- You live with a gorilla? - It's weird.

- The one from the zoo? - Yes.

- Where's this gorilla? - I don't know, sometimes he goes out.

This is the lawyer talking.

Get out of this house right away, you and your whore,

since we're on the subject.

- Emma. - Fuck you, you too!

Good morning.

Gus.

The truth is, if you delouse a human being, you're fucked forever.

- It was Peppe's cage. - Bye, Peppe.

Too bad you're not coming to mom's wedding.

- I miss him a lot. - So do I.

But he's going to live better, right?

You shouldn't have done it!

Oh, it's you.

If you're referring to the chains,

I always leave them behind when it's a matter of love.

You kidnapped my gorilla.

I actually paid you handsomely, I think.

- Dad, you sold him? - I can explain, kids.

I'll return the briefcase and I'll take him back.

Unfortunately by now he's already with the Spice Girls,

but he sends his love, kids.

- Dad. - Not now, Ale.

- Dad, dad. - Jimmy, are you at my place?

- Dad, dad. - Come at Gus' with the briefcase.

The Spice Girls broke up 20 years ago.

It's Peppe!

- Give me back the gorilla! - Careful, dad!

He's not answering, he's not answering! Where did this idiot end up?

- Calm down, honey. - I'm not getting married without the kids.

My love, calm down.

- Enough of: "Honey, calm down", enough! - Little dove, I didn't want to upset you.

Shall I wait for you here?

Where are they? Tell where they are. It's a kidnapping, it's a felony.

- How come you're dressed as a bride? - I'm getting married.

These are mine, get in!

I swear that if I get out of here, I'll swim all the way to Africa.

- Come on, get moving. - Mom!

I'll have you arrested!

- Mom! - Help!

- Kids. - What are you doing here?

- Help! - Oh God, a gorilla!

- Oh God, a bride! - I told you.

- Calm down. - It was true then! You're crazy!

You let my children close to that beast.

- Measure your words. - He sold him!

- Really? - Yes, it's all your fault!

Peppe was one of us.

- You are mentally ill. - Emma, please.

Shut up!

You're mean.

At this point there's always the hero who saves the situation.

- Stay with mom. - That's enough!

It's not him.

For you it's always been only my fault, but I didn't leave the house.

- Yes, isn't it always your fault? - I'm not the one who left!

You ruined my life!

I might be the hero.

Don't yell!

You are three whining kids!

You are a scaredy cat, I love her more than I love you.

Your fairy tales suck.

- Dad, he'll kill us! - Go, Peppe.

Way to go, Peppe!

Come on, honey, come on.

Come on, you almost did it.

Yes, yes, you did it!

Open it.

- Come on, come on. - It's her, wait.

- Go. - Go, go, go.

I'll get it.

As a family we're a disaster, but we are the number one at arguing.

Stop, stop, stop!

- Everything ok, kids? - I'm scared.

Chase them!

- Come on, kids. - Come on, Peppe! Come on, Peppe!

- This way. - Careful, kids.

- I'm scared. - Come on, Ale.

Stop or I'll shoot.

Let's put them in the cage.

Bastards!

Come on, let's go.

Run, run, run.

- Come on. - I'm scared.

- Come on, girls, come on. - Jump.

Right on!

Peppe?

No, Lorenzo, don't leave us.

I'll be right back.

Come on, dad come back.

- Come on. - Go, get in.

- I have to get Jimmy, go. - Counselor?

- What are you doing here? - I called her.

And I came!

Jimmy, the briefcase?

Come on, go! Go, go, go!

- We're off! - Concita.

Damn, they're really fast, they're almost here.

They had a more difficult childhood than yours.

Hold tight!

Mom, I'm scared!

Calm down, kids.

- What do we do now? - We counterattack.

- Great, Concita, we left them behind. - Yeah!

- Should I kill them all, Gus? - Who do you think I am?

- I love animals. - Go, go!

I'm having the time of my life.

- Let's flee. - The mean guys are here.

Any ideas?

- I have this. - Great!

Now, now, now!

Great!

Go for it, mom!

I did it, I did it, I did it!

Where are you going? It's all over!

Where are we going now?

Good question, Concita.

- No, no, don't even think about it. - Please.

Do it for Anaxagoras.

- Don't even think about it. - Mom, do it for Peppe.

- He did a lot for us. - Even too much.

Man does not descend from monkey,

it's the monkey who descends from man.

Sure, perfect. Very kind of you.

One moment.

- Counselor, Congo will take him. - Congo?

Perfect.

I never took an antimalarial.

They only accept shorthair gorillas.

For a little hair? What's the problem?

- The trip is going to be expensive. - Right.

Ok, but don't look at me.

When your woman leaves with your car in her wedding dress

it's not a good day.

It's not.

Yes! Goodbye, thanks.

- Mom is right. - Goodbye.

You shouldn't trust anyone.

Oh gosh, this is a cheap one, alright...

To us.

- He really did that? - They're very intelligent animals.

Hi, I need a 10 square meters office.

Make that 15.

Behind the spinning hall? Ok, that would be perfect.

Ok, can I ask you one last thing? Is there a privileged entrance with a ramp?

- Loser. - No?

I'm sorry.

Rosa, give me your hand.

Doctor?

You still love her, right?

Yes, yes.

- So your heart is taken. - Uh?

Because, well, technically you've been left at the altar.

At the town hall.

I mean, actually, at home.

Sara, Ale, I'm coming!

- Oh my God! - What is it?

There! Ok, done, I'm finished.

It was a blackhead.

Sweet and a little salty, a chocolate kiss!

A chocolate kiss, sweet and a little salty

A chocolate kiss

I have to tell you something.

I love you.

A chocolate kiss, sweet and a little salty...

I'm just kidding!

Damn, Jimmy, you really scared me.

Good luck, my friend.

We say: "Break a leg."

There are two crocodiles and an orangutan

Two small snakes, a golden eagle

A cat, a mouse, an elephant nobody is missing

We're just not seeing the two unicorns

We're just not seeing the two unicorns

Oh, is this Africa? I thought it would be worse.

I don't know what they say to a gorilla in cases like these.

Hurry, even the gorillas are moved.

- I'm done. - I got hair all over.

I love you, "Fonia".

Sara has a mole on her right cheek.

Rose is one inch taller.

When you meet people it always happens that you have to go

and never once have you told them everything.

That I'm afraid of scorpions, that I can finally smell my homeland.

I became a little too human.

Let's hope you became a little more animals.