All language subtitles for Armageddon.1998.Bluray.720p.DTS.2Audio.x264-CHD

This is the Earth at a time...

when the dinosaurs roamed
a lush and fertile planet.

A piece of rock
just six miles wide...

changed all that.

It hit with the force
of 10,000 nuclear weapons.

A trillion tons of dirt and rock
hurtled into the atmosphere,

creating a suffocating
blanket of dust...

the sun was powerless
to penetrate...

for a thousand years.

It happened before.

It will happen again.

It's just a question of when.

Houston, affirmative.

Now try again.

Almost got it.

- Dennis, I'm almost there.
- Houston, Pete's lookin' real strong.

Okay, Pete, we got that coupling
on the board here now.

We'll give you the go-ahead
from down here when it's in alignment.

Sounds good.
Give me ten seconds.

His heart rate's racing.
Hey, Pete.

- It's Truman.
- Hey.

- How you doing up there, hoss?
- Pretty good.

Listen, Pete, we got an eye on your meds
here. I'll give you a buffalo nickel...

if you'll calm down
just a little bit.

- Can you do that for me?
- Whatever you say.

Okay, now, we got plenty of time,
buddy, so don't you worry.

Looking good here.

He'll be all right.

- Go ahead, Atlantis.
- Roger that, Houston.

Suggest we start
reeling Pete in.

What the hell is that?

My Lord.

We're down!

Houston!

We've lost all contact.

Stewart, play that tape back!

Houston!

Multiple bogies! Multiple bogies!

Sector five, niner.
I have three. Now five.

- Unidentified tracks.
- My screen's full.

Multiple tracks headed toward
the Atlantic seaboard!

This could be a surprise missile attack.

Mr. President, the shuttle
Atlantis just exploded in space.

Okay, I want three groups!
One: internal malfunction.

Get the log tape.
Start working back. Maybe it's a glitch.

Two: I want NORAD,
Space Command and the 50th tactical,

comparing all the space junk
you tracked in every orbit.

I want you to check, recheck
and then do it all over again.

Number three: wild cards.
Anything and everything.

All right? Now, Big Ross, get on
the telephone. Wake up 11,000 people.

- Walt, get 'em going.
- Let's go!

Karl. Karl! Karl.

Karl! Your Stouffer's pot pie's...

been on the table almost ten hours.

- I want a divorce.
- Dottie, I'm on to something big here.

I-I don't know what this is, but it
looks like something's burnin' up there.

Go get my phone book, will you?
Get my phone book.

Get those names of
those guys from NASA.

Excuse me! Am I wearing a sign
that says, "Karl's Slave"?

Go get my goddamn phone book!

Get the book!
Get the book! Get the book!

Space Command is reporting negative.
That is zero global launches.

It might just be a piece of the shuttle
breaking up as it comes in.

It might be Santa Claus.

Until we get definitive,
reliable confirmation, General,

we go to DEFCON Three.

♪ I'm gettin' ready
for the big time ♪

♪ Someday you're gonna say
I'm big time too ♪

Hey, little man!
Little Richard!

Me and you, man!
We're going to the top, baby!

Big time! I ain't gonna be ridin'
this bike for the rest of my life.

You know what I'm sayin'?
I'm gettin' a motorcycle, baby.

We're gonna travel in style.

♪ I'm gettin' ready for the big time ♪

♪ Someday I'm gonna be
in big time news ♪

Watch where you're goin'. I bet you,
none of you all stop for brothers.

Slow down, Little Richard.

You've been ridin' all morning.
You gotta take a dump?

We interrupt our regularly
scheduled programme...

What happened?

- to bring you this special report.
- Shh, shh, shh.

The shuttle Atlantis exploded in space
at 3:47 a.m., Eastern Standard Time.

Hey! Get, get.

- That's my Godzilla. Come on, now.
- Yo, fool!

Don't be kickin' Little Richard.
What the hell your problem?

That dog's eatin' my Godzilla. What's a
little runt like you gonna do about it?

Get him, Richard. Sic him.
If I wasn't no Christian,

I'd be throwin' your fat
pineapple-eatin' ass through the window.

- Why we not going?
- You know why?
'Cause this is New York City.

Anything could happen. Let's see.
Could've been a terrorist bomb.

Could've been a dead body. Somebody
shot, stabbed, and it's Friday, payday.

- Dude, somebody probably didn't
get their paycheck. Yes?

- I want to go shopping.

Me, too, but we ain't goin' nowhere
'cause this is a traffic jam.

- Little Richard!
- Right over there!

Little Richard!

Hang on, Little Richard.
I'm comin'!

Don't you worry about it.

I'm gonna get you outta there!

You okay, buddy?
Don't worry about it. Hang in there.

Somebody dial 911!

My screen's full.
They're all over the place.

Bogies are breachin' the atmosphere from
Finland down the North American seaboard.

Whoa!

Look at that!

Oh, we at war!

Saddam Hussein is bombing us!

- Let's stay focused.
We need to map the trajectory now.

- That could take a week.

Just find it, okay? I wanna know if
the worst is over or if it's on its way.

We've got General Kimsey on the line.

We've got hits from Finland
to South Carolina.

We know they're not missiles.
Now what the hell is it?

It's a meteor shower.
That's what took out the shuttle.

I've got the president
on Air Force One demanding answers.

Is it over?

General, we've got 11,000 people at NASA
trying to figure that out right now.

When we know, you'll know.

Okay, Karl, listen. I want you
to take your time. Yes, sir.

You're definitely the first.

Okay, first coordinate.
One-two-three-nine. 1239, right?

- F.B.I. locked his location.
- Saw an explosion in space.

Okay.

- Listen, Karl, this is top secret.
- Sir, I'm retired Navy.

I know all about classified.
But one more thing.

The person that finds her
gets to name her, right?

- Yes, that's right.

- I wanna name her
Dottie, after my wife.

She's a vicious life-suckin' bitch
from which there's no escape.

- That's sweet, Karl.
- S.D.I., this is flight director!

- I wanna get that Hubble movin',
and I want it now.

- Roger that.

We're movin' the Hubble!

It's enormous.

This is the anomaly at 1643.

Here is the anomaly at 1658,

and here is the anomaly at 1700.

Enough with this anomaly horseshit!

- What is this thing?
- It's an asteroid, sir.

How big are we talking?

Sir, our best estimate is 97.6 billion--

- It's the size of Texas, Mr. President.
- Y-Yes, sir.

Dan, we didn't see this thing coming?

Well, our object collision
budget's a million dollars.

That allows us to track
about three percent of the sky.

And begging your pardon, sir,
it's a big-ass sky.

- And the ones this morning?

- Those are nothing. They're
the size of basketballs...

and Volkswagens,
things like that.

- Is this going to hit us?
- We're efforting that as we speak, sir.

- What kind of damage are we--
- Damage?

Total, sir.

It's what we call a global killer.

The end of mankind.

Doesn't matter where it hits.

Nothing would survive.
Not even bacteria.

My God. What do we do?

We have 18 days before it hits Earth.

- Have mercy.
- Rise and shine!

Stop the drilling!
Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!

Fore!

Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!

- Hey!
- Hey, that was close!

I give you 50,000 a year in donations.

- What do you think they're
so mad about, Chick?

- Well, I think they feel...

that drilling for oil
is an evil thing.

You know how much diesel
that clunker boat pumps out an hour?

I just found out something interesting.
Number two chewed 180 feet last night.

- Who do we have to thank for this?
- I'll give you two guesses.

But you're only gonna need one.

Goddamn it, A.J.!

A.J.!

A.J.! A.J., you in here?

Oh, that's just perfect.
In bed. Get up!

- Uh, hey, you wanted to see me?
- Yeah, I was lookin' for ya.

You're pissed. Okay, I can see that.

No. You know what, A.J.?
I'm not pissed. You've seen me pissed.

This is way, way beyond pissed,
though.

You know I shut down
number two last night, right?

- Yeah, man, I had a hunch on that.
- Let me tell you something.

Someday, many years from now,
when you're all growed up,

and you got your own oil company

and $8 million of your
own money on the contract,

you can do whatever comes into that
little A.J.-idiotin' mind of yours you want.

But as long as it says
"Harry Stamper Oil" on the rig,
you will not disobey my rules.

- You got that?
- Yeah, I do got it.

All right, now I need to hear
five words from you.

- Uh--
- I'll--

Never do that again.

I'm a fool. That was idiotic.
I-I mean, that was stupid.

I'm an idiot. I know
what name's on the sign. I'm not--

- What's goin' on here?
- What's goin' on?

Well, l-l mean, you know,
I screwed up. I'm a little edgy.

- How long you work for me?
- Five wonderful years.

In five years, you have never
apologized to me this quickly.

Something's going on here.
I'm gonna find out what it is.

Well, I'm turning over a new leaf.
I'm trying to learn from the man.

What would Harry do?

I'm at a loss for words.

Okay, I can explain this.

- You can explain that?
- I can.

I would really like an explanation.
You just stay right here.

Grace?

- Hi, Harry.
- I have asked you repeatedly
to call me Dad.

Sorry, Harry.

Get up and get your clothes on.

You just stay right there.
I'll be right back.

Here's what we're gonna do.

I want every strategy we've got
on near-Earth object collision.

Okay? Any ideas, any programmes,

anything you sketched on a
pizza box or cocktail napkin.

For 30 years, they questioned
the need for NASA.

Today,
we're gonna give 'em the answer.

You know about this, Rockhound?

- You knew?
- No, I had no idea.

Where's Harry?

Harry, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I understand, okay?

You're mad.
Who-Who wouldn't be mad?

- He's gonna shoot you.
- Nah, no, he's not.

Oh, shit.

- Harry!
- What's wrong with you?

Make your peace with God, A.J.!

This guy's got a gun, man.
He's shooting at me.

- Harry, this is not funny!
- Harry, listen to me!
We can talk this over!

- Oh, is this a serious thing?
- Yeah, pretty serious.

- Bear!
- What's up?

He's shootin' at me. You see Harry
comin', crack him with that wrench.

You told A.J.'s dad just before he died
that you would take care of the boy.

Now I'm not sure that
shootin' him is takin' care of him.

- Why don't you put the gun down?

- You don't want none of
this. Get out of my way.

Just tryin' to give my man
a head start, that's all.

Not to mention the fact that
I don't think you wanna kill
the best man on your crew...

- before we strike oil.
- Aw, Chick, I ain't gonna kill him.

Just gonna take a foot off.
A man can work with one foot.

You remember old Frank Marx who worked
with one hand all them years?

Yeah, but he wasn't very good.

Harry, put the gun down!
You're acting insane!

Now, honey, go get some clothes on
and get out of the way.

- You can't control my life!
- Fine. Clothes. Now!

All right, stop! All right!

It was funny for a minute.
It's not funny any more.

- Fuck!
- Harry, this is illegal, man.

I'm temporarily insane, Rock.
It's all right.

- Do I look like I'm crazy to you?
- Well--

Harry! Hey, just cool down.

What are you doing?
Harry, stop! Cut it out.

- All right, Harry.

All right, now, listen.
Man to man. I'm serious. I love her.

Way wrong answer!

- Whoa, whoa, Harry. It's gettin' real.
- Harry! Come on, Harry!

- You shot me!
- You shot him.

That bullet never got close.
Just a ricochet.

You know, it's all funny
till somebody gets shot in the leg!

Hey, pucker up.
We got clients incoming.

Uh, b-back in-in-- in 1974,

we-we first
got the idea--

the-the possibility that-that
a meteor or an asteroid--

I need somebody who's had a little less
caffeine this morning. Doc, translate.

Yes, sir. Our first feasibility plan was
to use a spread-focus laser generator...

to heat the object
to the point of fracture.

That's like shooting a B.B. gun
at a freight train, Doc.

Uh, some of us have got this idea.

We wanna land a craft,
deploy solar sails.

You'll have a big canopy. Solar winds
will be caught by these Mylar sails.

- Okay--
- Come on, guys!

We gotta come up with something
realistic here. We got 18 days.

That's 431 hours, 15 minutes
and 18 seconds.

Time's a luxury we don't have. What?

Listen, Harry, A.J. is my choice.

- My choice and not yours.

- He's the only one in
your age bracket, Grace.

It's not a choice.
It's a lack of options.

I don't know
what in the world makes you think...

that you have the right
to tell me what to do any more, Harry.

I suppose being your father
doesn't count, huh?

- Not really.
- Since when?

Since I reached the age of ten
and became older than you, Harry.

Since Mom split.
Why don't you take your pick?

Look, I understand that you are
handicapped by natural immaturity,

and I forgive you.

I may be an immature father,
but I'm still your employer.

And as your boss, I want you on
that crew boat tonight

and back
in the office by Monday.

- You got that?
- Okay. I quit.

Grace, you can't quit now!

I need you to keep on working.

Hi, Harry!

What are you smilin' about?

I've been seein' A.J.
for more than five months, Harry.

You little hypocrite. I ever
held you back once from doing anything?

What about having a life, Harry?

The first time I got my period,

Rockhound had to take me
into Taipei for Tampax...

and then he had to show me
how to use 'em, Harry.

Ho-ho.

I ju-- No, l-l told her how to use it.
I didn't show her, Harry.

I was playing with titanium depth gauges
when I should've been playing with dolls.

I mean, I learned about the birds and
the bees from Freddie Noonan's tattoos.

Look, I was raised
on roughnecks by you.

And now you get all shocked and shaken
when I fall in love with one.

- So who's the hypocrite
here, Harry, huh?

- Look at those nice pipes.

- Listen to me, Grace.
- No, you listen to me, Harry. I grew up.

With the proximity
of the asteroid and no prep time,

none of our primary plans can work.

Why don't we just send up 150 nuclear
warheads and blast that rock apart?

Terrible idea.

Was I talkin' to you?

This is Dr. Ronald Quincy
from Research.

Pretty much the smartest man on the
planet. You might wanna listen to him.

General, if you consider your target,

her composition, her dimensions,

her sheer velocity,

you could fire every nuke
you've got on her,

she'll just smile at you
and keep on coming.

You should know that
the president's scientific advisors...

are suggesting that a nuclear blast
could change this asteroid's trajectory.

I know the president's chief scientific
advisor. We were at M.I.T. together.

And, in a situation like this,

you really don't wanna take
the advice from a man who got
a C-minus in astrophysics.

The president's advisors
are wrong. I'm right.

Hitting the rock from
the outside won't do the job.

Imagine a firecracker
in the palm of your hand.

You set it off. What happens?
Burn your hand, right?

You close your fist around
the same firecracker and set it off--

poof-- your wife's gonna be opening your
ketchup bottles the rest of your life.

Are you suggesting that we blow
this thing up from the inside?

- That's exactly what I'm saying.
- How?

We drill.

We bring in the world's best
deep-core driller.

Harry, get up here.
We're takin' a hit.

- Get A.J. up here!
- Come on!

Oh, shit!

Send another pipe down! Right now!

It's a gas pocket!

I told you! Am I lucky,
or am I just a genius?

I shut it down for a reason,
you jackass! The relief valve's--

Shut off the number two valve!
Grace, get the clients out of here now!

No, Daddy!

Chick, get 'em outta here!
Get 'em off the rig now!

- Get the hell down!
- This thing is gonna blow.

Chick, get down now!

Get down!

Three dozen research calls, and
every time, the same man is recommended.

He's worked on every terrain
this planet can offer.

Whenever they said it couldn't be
drilled, this guy drilled it.

- Everybody all right?
- We struck oil, baby!

Somebody could've got killed out here
today. You want that on your conscience?

High thumb.
You are man, Harry.

Thumbs high.

You're fired.

Who's Harry Stamper?

Hey, I'm Harry Stamper.
What's all this about?

Mr. Stamper, I'm General Montgomery,
commander of the Pacific air forces.

I've been sent here
by the secretary of defense...

on direct orders
from the president of the United States.

It's a matter of urgent national security.

I need you to get on that chopper
right now, no questions asked.

Crazy Willie put you up to this?

I'm afraid I don't know Crazy Willie,
sir. I'm dead serious about this.

- Harry.
- What?

I swear to God,
she never told me her age.

It's all right. Relax. It's about me.

Oh. Forget it!

All right, General,
I'll go with you on one condition.

We're gonna have
to take my daughter along.

- What did I do?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Where you guys takin' her?

- Sir, stay right here.
- Wh--

Chick, get him paid,
get him off the rig!

- Mr. Stamper?
- Yeah, I'm Harry Stamper.

How you doin'? Miss Stamper.

I'm Dan Truman, Executive Director here.

- Listen, on behalf of all of us,
I'd really like to apologize--

- Apologize.

I don't know if we can take
any more apologies, Mr. Truman.

We've been apologized to
for the last 18-and-a-half hours.

So if you don't mind, how about
if we just get on with it?

You tell us why we're here
at the NASA Space Center.

We should probably talk alone.

Mr. Truman, I don't keep
any secrets from my daughter, Grace.

So whether you tell her now
or I tell her later,

she's gonna find out
one way or the other.

So why don't we just get on with it?

So when the Rogue
comet hit the asteroid belt,
it sent shrapnel right for us.

For the next 15 days,
the Earth's in a shooting gallery.

Even if the asteroid itself
hits the water, it's still hitting land.

It'll flash boil millions of gallons of
seawater and slam into the ocean bedrock.

Now, if it's a Pacific Ocean impact--
which we think it will be--

it'll create a tidal wave
three miles high,

travelling at 1,000 miles an hour
covering California
and washing up in Denver.

Japan's gone.
Australia's wiped out.

Half the world's population
will be incinerated by the heat blast.

The rest'll freeze to death
from nuclear winter.

That's unbelievable.

Well, actually,
this is as real as it gets.

Well, it's coming right now.

Right for us at 22,000 miles an hour.

Not a soul on Earth can hide from it.

I take it you're not
alerting everyone like this.

Nobody knows.
That's the way it stays.

For the next ten days, there are
only nine telescopes in the world...

that can spot the asteroid,
and we control eight of 'em.

The president's classified
this information top secret.

If news like this got out,

there'd be an overnight breakdown
of basic social services worldwide.

Rioting, mass religious hysteria,
total chaos, you can imagine.

Basically the worst parts of the Bible.

Six billion people on the planet.

Why'd you guys call me?

- We need you to prep the team
we're sending up.

- Up?

We'll send them to the asteroid,
they'll land, drill a hole,
they'll drop some nukes,

take off and detonate,
if we can fix this equipment problem.

The drilling unit's a prototype we've
been building for the Mars project.

You, uh-- You might recognize the rig.

Yeah, well, I guess
I should recognize it. It's my design.

- Did you steal a key
to the Patent Office?

- Yeah, basically.

Let me get this straight.
I got pulled off an oil rig,

flown halfway around the world
because you stole my drill design.

Couldn't read the plans right and did
a pisspoor job of putting it together.

- Patents don't apply to outer space.
- You shut up, Quincy.

It's not going to Mars any more.
It's gonna try to save this planet.

And we need to know
what's wrong with it pretty quick.

- You said we did a bad job
of putting it together?

- No, I said...

you did a pisspoor job
of putting it together.

First of all, you got the flow system
all reversed. Let me guess.

- You've been tearin' up rotors
and you can't figure out why.

- Yeah, that's right.

Well, that's because
your cams are all wrong, Mr. Wizard.

Who's been operating this thing?

- Right there.
- We've actually--

- We've had them training
for eight months solid now.

- Eight whole months?

- Well, pretty much, yeah.
- Well, gee whiz.

Well, this is the team
that has to do the job up there.

We need you to train them down here.

Well, Mr. Stamper, what do you think?

You know, drilling's a science.
It's an art.

I'm a third generation driller,
doin' it all my life.

I still haven't got it all figured out.

I assume you sent for me because
somebody told you I was the best.

Well, I'm only the best
because I work with the best.

You don't trust the men you're working
with, you're as good as dead.

Now you wanna send
these boys into space, fine.

I'm sure they'll make good astronauts,

but they don't know jack about drillin'.

- What's your contingency plan?
- Contingency plan?

Your backup plan. You gotta have
some kind of backup plan, right?

No, we don't have a backup plan.

- This is it.
- This is the best that you could--

that the government--
the U.S. government can come up with.

I mean, you're NASA for cryin' out loud.
You put a man on the moon.

You're geniuses.
You're the guys that think this shit up.

I'm sure you got a team of men
sittin' around somewhere right now,

just thinkin' shit up
and somebody backin' them up.

You tell me you don't have
a backup plan,

that these eight Boy Scouts right here,

- that is the world's hope,
that's what you're tellin' me?

- Yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Damn it.

We're a little short on time here.
Will you help us?

- All they gotta do is drill?
- That's it.

- No spacewalkin',
no crazy astronaut stuff.

- Just drill.

How many men were you
plannin' on takin' up there?

We're sendin' up
two shuttles, two teams.

If I do this,
I'm gonna wanna take my own men.

You got it.

- So you're saying you'll help us?
- Yes, sir.

Thanks.

I just don't trust
anybody else to do it, that's all.

No, Mrs. Curlene.

It's Harry Stamper. You see Bear,
you tell him Harry's lookin' for him.

Those guys get off this rig,
they scatter.

J. Otis Curlene Bear.

Probably the only black man
on a big hog in Kadoka, South Dakota.

Come and get Papa Bear!

- Uh, Max.
- You got a weight limit on the shuttle?

- Max.
- Hey, Mama.

So sweet, Maxie.

Hey, would you give me one of them
yellow jelly bear claws I like?

- Are you in trouble with the law again?
- No, Mama.

- Maxie.
- I swear, Mama. I'm--

- You know I want Rockhound.

- We call him Hound
because, well, he's horny.

You might wanna start
with every bar in New Orleans.

That is a big, shiny mount, isn't it?

- How long you been married?
- For two weeks.

- See this diamond?
- Yeah.

It's not a diamond.

- Would you like another drink?
- Yeah.

- Sir, F.B.I.
- So cute. No, thanks.

- We have a national security matter.
- Good for you.

Let's go. Now.

How old are you?

Oscar Choice. Spacy but
absolutely brilliant geologist.

He owns a horse ranch
outside of El Paso.

What the--

Mr. Chick Chapel, at the craps table.

Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada.

Yes! About time.

Charles Chapel, game's over.

Who's gonna run the other rig?
How about Benny? He's good.

The only one who knows how
to run it as well as I do is A.J.

I thought you said
you couldn't trust him.

I thought you said I could.

Yep, you are on your way, A.J.

Well, being in business
for yourself has its advantages.

Make my own hours,
nobody shoots me in the leg.

You don't got a gun
on you now, do you?

Oh, good, 'cause I kinda wanted
to get back to this whole thing...

about you askin' me for help.

Does that mean that there's a job...

that Mr. All-Go-No-Quit-Big-Nuts
Harry Stamper...

can't handle by himself
and needs my expert advice?

Somethin' like that, yeah.

Well, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I mean, is it something
like that, or is it that?

You know, you and me
got a real problem.

You know, Harry,
there are only...

five words I wanna hear
from you right now.

Those words are:

You know, A.J., I really look up to you.

You've been a hero of mine
for a long time,

and I'm very
impressed with your work.

I'm emotionally closed off.

That's like-- That's like
11 words or something.

You know what?
How about just, "A.J., I'm sorry,

- and I love ya."
- You know, A.J.,

there's not a job on the planet
I want you to work with me on.

I mean that.

So what are you doin' here?
Harry, what's the job?

- Hey, Bear.

- What's up, baby? Yeah,
baby. What's up? What's up?

What's up, Harry?
Did NASA find oil on Uranus, man?

None of you have to go.
We can just sit here on Earth,

wait for this big rock
to crash into it...

and kill everything
and everybody we know.

The United States government
just asked us to save the world.

- Anybody wanna say no?
- Twenty years.

Haven't turned you down once.
I'm not about to start now.

I'm there.

- Guess I can't let you
go up there alone.

- I'm with you.

I mean, this is-- this is historic.

Guys, this is like
deep blue hero stuff.

Of course I'm in.

While I don't share
his enthusiasm, you know me.

Beam me up, Scotty.

- You all right, Max?
- I-I don't-- I-I don't--

Whatever you think.

- What about you?
- I'm in.

All right, then.

We go.

I don't mean to be
the materialistic weasel of this group,

but you think we'll get
hazard pay out of this?

If you're trying to make me feel better
about this scenario, give it up.

To tell you the truth, I'm kind
of encouraged. This guy Chick here...

was an Air Force commando for six years.

We got robbery, assault,
arrest, resisting arrest.

We got a collection agent
for the mob.

Two of these guys
have done serious time.

- Look, they're the best at what they do.
- So am I.

And I'm not so optimistic.

We spend $250 billion
a year on defence.

And here we are. The fate
of the planet is in the hands...

of a bunch of retards
I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

- So what's the verdict?

- They'll do it. They've
made a few requests though.

Such as?

Just a few things here.

Nothing really big.
Just-- Well, as an example--

Uh, Oscar here's got some
outstanding parking tickets.

Wants 'em wiped off his record.

Fifty-six tickets in seven states.

- I'll tell him, Oscar. I got it.
- Okay.

Uh, Noonan's got two women friends...

that he'd like to see made
American citizens, no questions asked.

Max would like you
to bring back eight-track tapes.

Not sure if that's gonna work,
but let's see what else.

Chick wants a full week's
Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace.

Hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us
who actually killed Kennedy, would ya?

Uh, Bear would like to stay at the...

White Horse.

White House. White House.

White House.

Yeah, he'd like to stay in the
Lincoln Bedroom of the White House...

for the summer.

Stuff like that.

Sure, I think we can
take care of some of that.

Harry!

Yeah, one more thing.

None of them wanna pay taxes again.

Ever.

Who's that for? Mr. Ed?

You stick that in me, I'm gonna
stab you in the heart with it.

You ever see Pulp Fiction?

♪ Oh, say can you see ♪

Uh-oh.

We're losin' him, we're losin' him.
Clear! Kaboom!

- Freddie, you all right?
- Does this look okay to you?

- Does this look okay?
- It's not all bad. It's kinda tingly.

Mr. Chapel, you're next!

Oh, gee, lady,
I just came here to drill.

Oh, so did I.

Your triglycerides are way high,

and your bad cholesterol
is shockingly bad.

Gotta lay off those pork rinds, Bear!

Pork rinds this! Yeah!

Well, at least they're in good spirits.

Piece of cake.
Look, you wanna compare brain pans?

I won the Westinghouse prize
when I was 12. Big deal.

Published at 19. So what? I got
a double doctorate from M.I.T. at 22.

Chemistry and geology. I taught
at Princeton for two-and-a-half years.

You know, I think this might be
the most uncomfortable room
I've ever been in in my life.

Why do I do this? Because
the money's good, the scenery changes,

and they let me use explosives, okay?

Okay, you wanna be
all psychological with me, that's fine.

I'll tell you one thing
that really drives me nuts...

is people who think Jethro Tull
is just a person in the band.

Who is Jethro Tull?

My favourite dish is haggis.
Heart, lungs, liver.

You shove that all
in a sheep's stomach, then you boil it.

That'll put some hair on your ass.

I am not crazy. I'm just
a little emotional right now, okay?

You're all throwin'
all this stuff at me, man. I mean--

After this is over, could I, like,
get a hug from you or somethin'?

Okay, Cyclops lady
is startin' to bug me.

- Can you handle it?

- I mean, I can handle what
I'm, you know, gonna do.

I can handle that, but I don't know
if I can handle this room.

Woman with large breasts.

Woman with medium breasts.

Here's Harry givin' me a hard time.

And this is Harry tellin' me
it's not good enough.

And this is Harry tellin' me
I can't marry his daughter.

Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.

Just let it out.

I suffered a major head injury
when I was in high school.

This one looks like you...
with breasts.

Yeah, I can handle it.
Yeah, I can handle it.

A home run!
The Cubs win the World Series! Ah--

Fail. Fail. Depressively fail.

One toxicology analysis
revealed Catamen.

That is a very powerful sedative.

- Sedatives are used
all the time, Doctor.

- This one's used on horses.

Some of these guys are pretty big.

It would normally take 18 months
to psychologically prepare,

prescreen viable subjects
for space travel.

We have seen evidence of a wide
variety of territorial aggression.

Can they physically survive the trip?
That's all I need to know here, okay?

Personally, I don't know
how they survived the tests.

Talk about the wrong stuff.

Good morning. I'm Colonel Willie Sharp.

In addition to flying
one of the X-71 teams to that rock,

my job is to train you to deal
with the mental and physical
rigors of working in space...

so you don't freak out on the asteroid.

United States astronauts
train for years.

You have 12 days.

Do we have any intelligent
questions before we get started?

What's an X-71?

You're the first civilians
to ever see her.

We call 'em the X-71s.

It's a top secret joint venture
with the Air Force.

She and her sister ship in Vandenberg
are leaving for launch prep in Florida.

Thought you oughta take a look.

The two shuttles going up are
the Freedom and Independence.

Her titanium alloy impenetrable
skin covers the toughest, meanest,

most sophisticated space vehicle
man has ever made.

Okay, Air Force Colonel Davis,
NASA pilot Tucker...

will command the shuttle Independence.

Air Force Colonel Sharp,
NASA pilot Watts, shuttle Freedom.

Munitions specialist Gruber and Halsey
will supervise the nuclear ordinance.

Anyway, I just thought--

thought you guys should meet.

Gentlemen, welcome to our weightless
environmental training facility.

So we're going swimming on
this asteroid. Is that what this is for?

Here at downtown NASA, we call
this monster "Armadillo."

Going to be retrofitted
with your drilling arm.

She'll turn 800 turbo horses
in near-zero gravity.

Mind if we take a look at her now?

All these rubber hoses
gotta go, Max. Count 'em up.

Make sure it's short-throw shifters.

Quincy!
Somebody tell me what this is.

Plastic ice cream scoop?
What'd that cost? About $400.

This is about the sorriest group
of people I've seen in all
my entire military career.

Your space flight's gonna be
a brutal assault on your senses.

I'm here to give you a taste of that.

NASA's got some of
the finest pilots in the world.

They're gonna be suckin' your eyes
into the back of your heads.

Go easy on me, okay?
It's my first time.

I just wanna seriously say
I have a small fear of flying.

I'm gonna twist ya.

- I'm gonna flip ya.
- What's the matter with you?

Frap your body till your bones hurt.

When you squeal, I'm just
gonna go faster and harder.

No, take me down!

- How's the rest of the crew?
- Well, uh--

Sorry about the rib chunks
all over your dashboard.

Don't forget: We gotta X-ray all these--

- If you had to say, who would you say?
- I don't know, Oscar.

- Who do you think you are?
- Han Solo.

No, if anybody's anybody, I'm Han.

And you're-- you're Chewbacca.

Chewie? Have you even seen Star Wars?

All right, let's go.

Neil Armstrong, 1969,
bouncing on the moon.

He's bouncing up there because there's
less gravity up there than on Earth.

This will be similar
to the asteroid, so watch it.

Something gets launched
off that asteroid with enough force,

it's gonna keep on going
right into outer space.

What is the deal?
Is it just me, or is Watts really hot?

Yeah.

We have these new generation suits with
directional accelerant thrusters.

- You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong.
- Yeah, think so?

- Bear!
- Yes?

- Do we have a problem?
- No.

'Cause I'm trying to describe
to you how these D.A.T.s
keep your ass on the ground.

- So that if I were to kick you
in the balls,
- Ooh.

and you don't know
how to work them, what happens to you?

- I float away.
- Yeah.

And when do we start training for that?

Gentlemen, I'll give you 30 seconds
to put your helmets on.

Then the oxygen will be sucked
out of this vacuum,

and you will know what it's like
to be in space. Go!

Depressurize in 30 seconds.

Main valves have been activated.

Okay, gentlemen,
so here's the flight plan.

Now let's keep the laughter to
a minimum. I know this is not to scale.

Both shuttles will take off
Tuesday at 6:30 p.m.

Now 67 minutes later,

you're gonna dock with the Russian space
station to meet cosmonaut Andropov...

who will refuel the shuttles
with liquid O2.

That's your fuel.
Then you'll release...

and take a 60-hour trip
toward the moon.

Now we only have one shot
of landing on this rock,

and that's precisely when
the asteroid passes by the moon.

You'll then use lunar gravity
and burn your thrusters,

slingshotting you around the moon,

coming up behind the asteroid.

- You'll be upward of 11 Gs.
- Yeah, I remember this one.

It's where the coyote sat
his ass down in a slingshot...

and he strapped himself
to an Acme rocket.

- Is-ls that what we're doin' here?
- Rockhound.

No, no, really, because it didn't
work out too well for the coyote, Harry.

Actually, we have a lot better
rockets than the coyote.

Now when you've finished...

your Road Runner thrust move,

you'll be moving
at 22,500 miles per hour.

Coming around behind the asteroid,

where we're hoping that the tail debris
will be cleared by the moon's gravity.

And you'll land right here.
That's it.

We got separate landing sites
for each team.

Softest parts of the rock
as we can figure.

At NASA, we don't take chances.
We double up on everything.

First team that hits 800 feet wins.

Now this rock is big, dense. It's got
some gravity. You can walk around,

but use your thrusters
so you can work easier.

Okay, Mr. Truman, let's say
that we actually do land on this.

What's it gonna be like up there?

Two hundred degrees in the sunlight.
Minus 200 in the shade.

Canyons of razor-sharp rock.
Unpredictable gravitational conditions.

Unexpected eruptions.
Things like that.

Okay, so the scariest
environment imaginable. Thanks.

That's all you gotta say:
scariest environment imaginable.

Okay, so you drill,
you drop the nuke and you leave.

Now here's the key.
You're gonna remote detonate the bomb...

before the asteroid passes
this plane, zero barrier.

You do that, and the remaining
pieces of rock...

should be deflected enough
to pass right by us.

Now if the bomb explodes
after zero barrier,

game's over.

Paul, this is Houston,
fire your rockets!

Okay, your rockets are maximum.

- Oscar!
- Hey, Harry. Hey, how's it goin'?

- Have you seen Grace?

- Yeah, she's over in
the hangar with A.J.

Harry, wait a second. Did you say
Grace? Okay, I thought you said Bear.

Will you marry me?

Grace is old enough to vote, Harry.

She's old enough to drink or get married
if she wants to, get a divorce.

Let me tell you something,
fellas.

When I get back,
when we get this job done,

I will deal with this in my own way.

Come on, Harry. It's not like
I'm rootin' for A.J. here.

- I'm just sayin', Grace is not
a little girl any more.
- Hey, Rock.

Wait a minute. Let me get
a pencil and a piece of paper.

I wanna jot down
all your pearls of wisdom here.

Get serious, Harry. Come on. While we're
off trottin' the globe, hunting mud,

Gracie grew up to become
a full-blown hottie, you know?

- Harry, she is fully hot. She is--
- She's a babe.

Max, okay, you're talkin'
about my little girl, all right?

I think I know
who and what she is, okay?

Harry, all we're sayin' is,
we're talkin' about a kid who's
comin' into her own right now.

She's gettin' curious about
her body, and she's exploring
her sexuality. You know what?

- Oscar.
- That's a natural thing.

You are about five minutes older than
Grace is. Why should I listen to you?

I know what it feels like to have
your hormones pullin' you in just...

a thousand different directions.

No disrespect, man,
but we all helped to raise her.

- So, in part, we all feel
like a bunch of daddies here.

- That's true.

I'll be damned if I worked all
these years so my little girl
can marry a roughneck.

She's better than that.

Better than all of us.

Harry, just sit back, relax. I'm gonna
put on a free Armadillo driving clinic.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Harry!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Two shuttle teams.

A.J.'ll be running
the drill team with Oscar, Bear
and Noonan on the Independence.

I'll run the drill team on Freedom
with Chick, Rockhound and Max.

Once we land, we'll have
eight hours to get the job done.

In order to split this rock
on the fault line, we're gonna
have to drill to 800 feet.

Let's get our game faces on.
Now it's time for underwater simulation.

Come on. Let's keep it up.
Let's go. We're the younger team here.

We're on the varsity team.
Take it to 11,000.

Okay, gentlemen, we're gonna trick
'em up. My computer will simulate...

a gas pocket at 625 feet
and then hard iron ferrite at 635.

I'm gonna drill some more.
We're takin' her up.

- I'm givin' it more torque right now.
- All right, lookin' good, Bear.

Clamp it down.
Watch your time, Independence team.

Thanks, Harry. Would you mind
lettin' me run my own team?

- You're gonna blow the tranny.
Slow it down, baby.
- Take it easy, Bear.

Just relax.
She can handle it.

A.J., you're at 600 feet.
Your pipe is long. Let's back
the R.P.M.s down to 8,000.

- We don't have time for 8,000!
- A.J., take it back down.

You're gonna snap the pipe.
I don't wanna blow this transmission.

- Damn it, 11,000.
- Slow it down, A.J.

Bear, come on. Get on
our team for a little bit.

Oh, space cowboy.

- Harry, are you listenin' to this?
- Yeah, I'm listenin', Bear.

You don't work for Harry any more, okay?
Out there, you gotta listen to me.

When we're on that rocket,
you gotta do what I say.

I'm throttling up
to another 1,000.

A.J., back it off.
You're gonna blow the transmission.

Hey, Harry, would you let me
run my team, please?

- R.P.M.s are at red line.
- Bear, goddamn it,
I know what I'm doing.

Come on. She can handle this.
She'll be fine. Trust me.

- A.J., back down.
- The number one transmission is down.

Oh, son of a--
The computer's wrong, and you know that.

- We did the right thing.
- We're gonna restart the simulation.

If you wanna replace a member
of the crew, now is the time.

I'll take care of this.
Get him out of the tank, Chick.

- You wanna go home? Is that it?
You wanna be fired?
- No, I don't.

- My crew was doing the right thing.
- Your crew?

- Yeah.
- Your crew just blew
the transmission, A.J.!

Listen, that NASA computer
is just playin' it safe.

The machine you built--
the rig-- could do it.

Shut up. Just shut up!
Shut your mouth!

Those men in that room have zero
tolerance for showin' off, hot doggin',

goin' by your gut instinct or
you tryin' to be a hero, you got that?

- Say the words, A.J.!
- I got it!

- I want my men
to have tomorrow night off.
- What do you mean "off"?

I mean, off. Out of here. For at least
ten hours. Then we'll go to Kennedy.

Well, there's no possible way
we can do that, Harry.

There's a potentially huge
security risk. What if they talk?

- What if they get hurt?
- What if they're too burnt out
to do the right thing?

What if they get up there, and they
forget what they're fighting for?

You see what's goin' on.
These boys are ready to snap.

They didn't ask to be here.
They got pulled off the street.

For all we know, tomorrow night could be
the last night they ever see Earth.

I don't think it's too much to ask
to let 'em spend it with their families.

- Listen, there's no possible
way we can do that.
- You got family, Colonel?

- Two girls.
- Wouldn't you like to spend
tomorrow with your girls?

I'm not askin' ya. I'm tellin' ya.

Make this happen.

This is a pretty big loan.
Why don't you count the cash?

Nah, this looks like 100 grand to me.

I'm givin' you this at 60 percent.
I hope you know what you're doin',

because I'll bust your head
with a sledgehammer.

- You'll get your money back.
- You don't look too healthy.

You're not gonna die on me, are ya?

Let's just say,
no more than you are. Thanks, Vic.

♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪

♪ 'Cause I'd miss you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪

- You know what I was thinkin'?
- What?

I really don't think that the animal
cracker qualifies as a cracker.

- Why?
- Well, 'cause it's sweet,
which to me suggests cookie.

And, you know, putting cheese
on something is sort of
the defining characteristic...

of what makes a cracker a cracker.

I don't know why
I thought of that. I just--

Baby, you have
such sweet pillow talk.

I got a little animal cracker, Discovery
Channel thing happenin' right here.

Watch the gazelle,
as he grazes through the open plains.

Now look, as the cheetah approaches.

Watch, as he stalks his prey.

Now, the gazelle's a little spooked,

and he could head north
to the ample sustenance...

provided by
the mountainous peaks above.

He could go south.

The gazelle now faces man's
most perilous question:

North...

or south?

Way down under.

Tune in next week.

Baby,

do you think it's possible
that anyone else in the world...

is doing this very same thing
at this very same moment?

I hope so.

Otherwise, what the hell
are we tryin' to save?

♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I don't wanna fall asleep
'cause I'd miss you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪♪

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I was just passin' by on the, uh--

I came--

Who's he?

That man's a salesman.

Would you go inside?

Thank you.

He got big.

You can't come around like this.
The court says you can't.

- It confuses him.
- No, I know. I just--

I wanted to say...

that I'm sorry...

about everything.

I got somethin' comin' up.
It's somethin' kinda big.

You just might be proud of me.

Would you do somethin' for me?
Would you just give him this?

You don't have to-- You don't have
to tell him who it's from. Just--

♪ Everybody talkin' about
what it is, what it ain't ♪

♪ Kiss on the devil
and you piss off a saint ♪

♪ But it can't be love
if you don't have to crawl ♪

♪ You say you only love him
but you got to have it all ♪

Hey, Noonan, you need ten grand?

We gotta put these girls
through college.

I love this astronaut stuff.

Good work, if you can get it.

Yeah, I'm just in town doin'
a little astronaut training.

Ooh! Astronauta.

Ah, si. I'm a mission specialist.

- Yes, and what's that mean?
- I don't know.

Hey! Who the hell
do you think you guys are?

- You're hoggin' all the action.
- Hey, pinhead.

Why don't you go find your own party?

Why don't you spread the wealth, pal?

Here. Why don't
you go buy yourself a neck?

Hey, Mr. Clean!

- Call NASA!
They'll confirm it! We're astronauts!
- Get over there. Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, we're astronauts!
- Yeah, we're all astronauts.

You are so messing with
national security right now, man.
You are fired tomorrow morning.

I'm telling ya. I'll get
the C.I.A. and the F.B.I.

You'll be workin' security
at Toys 'R' Us.

- Oh, oh, baby, no, no. No, no!
- Bye-bye, little astronaut.

Oh, don't leave, baby. No, no,
no. See, I'm goin' into space,
and I'm not comin' back.

It's coming in at 30,000 miles an hour!

- Give me a projected impact.
- East Asia, 11 minutes.

- We're gonna have to warn--
- Warn who? The entire South Pacific?

So the whole world knows.

Tell me you've never
let anybody down before.

I never quit yet.

- How's that?
- I guess that'll have to do.

You know somethin'?

I still remember the first,
middle and last name...

of every guy that qualified
for the astronaut programme
first year I was here.

Thanks. I went into the engineering
programme. Kinda had to.

But boy, I wanted to go up there.

I wanted to be one of those guys
with a mission patch on my arm.

I tell you, I'd be on that shuttle
with you, Harry, if I could.

You don't want to be up in
that shuttle any more than I do.

Good luck in Florida tomorrow.

The death of 50,000 people
in Shanghai yesterday has rattled--

A French satellite has tracked
an object in space--

Sources are estimating
that the tidal wave was five--

This is CNN, live in Florida.

We have just learned that NASA
is on a full-scale military alert.

They're calling this a global killer.

The government has been very
tight-lipped throughout this--

The Pentagon is getting involved
at this point...

with some kind of a project involving
NASA and perhaps a shuttle mission--

Senior Pentagon officials
refused comment, adding
fuel to the speculation...

that there could be
a very serious problem.

We have a special team of astronauts
that arrived in Florida this evening.

NASA's in emergency launch preparation
in cooperation with Russian, Japanese...

and French space agencies on the most
massive joint space venture in history.

Gracie?

Got your note.

- What're you doin' out here, honey?
- Um, just thinkin'.

Yeah.

I, um, want to apologize to you for--

Oh, no, Grace, stop.
You don't have to apologize at all.

I-I sh-- I shouldn't have dragged you
around on all those oil rigs.

I just--

I don't think that I did
the right thing with you.

You're wrong. I love my life.

I love everything about my life.

And I don't blame you
for my mother leaving.

She left us both.

And I love you.

And don't talk like
you're not comin' back.

Promise me that you'll come back.

- Okay.
- Say, "I promise."

I promise, Grace.

It's gonna be all right, Grace.

If it's not too much trouble,

can you please bring
my fiancée home with you?

Oh, Jesus.

The president will be addressing
the nation and all of you
personally within the hour.

Astronauts.

I'll see you in a couple days, honey.

♪ All my bags are packed ♪

♪ I'm ready to go ♪

♪ I'm standin' here
outside your door ♪

♪ I hate to wake you up ♪

♪ To say goodbye ♪

♪ So kiss me and smile for me ♪

♪ Let me know you'll wait for me ♪

♪ Hold me like you'll never let me go ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm leavin' ♪

♪ On a jet plane ♪

♪ Don't know when I'll be back again ♪

♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪

♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪

♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪

♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪

- ♪ Leavin' on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again ♪
- So, Truman,

this is who you found
to save the planet.

- Frost, you good to go?
- Mm-hmm. One-- One sec.

- ♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪
- That boy don't take anything seriously.

Yeah. Reminds me
of a guy I used to know.

- ♪ Aah ♪
- ♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪

- ♪ I don't know
when I'll be back again ♪
- I'm marrying you.

- Bet your ass you are.
- ♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪

♪ I don't know
when I'll be back again ♪♪

I address you tonight,

not as the President
of the United States,

not as the leader of a country,

but as a citizen of humanity.

We are faced with
the very gravest of challenges.

The Bible calls this day
Armageddon, the end of all things.

And yet, for the first time...

in the history of the planet,

a species has the technology...

to prevent its own extinction.

All of you praying with us
need to know...

that everything that can be done
to prevent this disaster...

is being called into service.

The human thirst for excellence,

knowledge,

every step up the ladder of science,

every adventurous reach into space,

all of our combined modern
technologies and imaginations,
even the wars that we've fought,

have provided us the tools...

to wage this terrible battle.

Through all the chaos
that is our history,

through all of the wrongs
and the discord, through
all of the pain and suffering,

through all of our times,
there is one thing that has...

- nourished our souls...
- Mom, that salesman's on TV.

and elevated
our species above its origins,

and that is our courage.

Dreams of an entire planet
are focused tonight...

on those 14 brave souls...

travelling into the heavens.

That man's not a salesman.

- That's your daddy.
- And may we all,

citizens the world over,
see these events through.

Godspeed and good luck to you.

Freedom crew. Independence crew.

- How ya feelin'?
- Uh, good, you know.

I mean, considering
I've never been this scared in
my entire life. I-- You know--

Listen. Once you get up there,
you're gonna be on your own.

- If anything should happen,
I just wanted to--
- I know, Harry.

I'll, uh, try not to disappoint you.

Take care of yourself, kid.

Freedom's on the bridge.
Attention in the firing room.

- Oxidizer loading is complete.
- Independence on the bridge.

Attention
all personnel. We are T minus
two hours to the programme goal.

- Hey, Harry.
- Yeah, Rock?

You know, we're sittin' on four million
pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon...

and a thing that has
270,000 moving parts...

built by the lowest bidder.

- Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
- Yeah.

- How ya doin', Oscar?
- Great.

I got that excited, scared feelin'--

like 98 percent excited,
2 percent scared.

Maybe more. It could be 2-- It could
be 98 percent scared, 2 percent excited.

But that's what makes it
so intense, is it's so confused.
I can't really figure it out.

Will you make mine really tight,
'cause I don't want to fall out?

I mean, almost to the point
of cutting off circulation.

Ow.

It must be a comfort to know that
if the space programme goes under,

you can always get a job
at Helga's House of Pain, huh?

All right. Flight directors on
with the go/no-go for launch.

- Retro. Booster.
- Go flight.
- Go flight.

- Ecos. Trajectory.
- Go flight.
- Go flight.

- FIDO. EVA.
- Go flight.
- Go flight.

- CAPCOM Freedom. CAPCOM Independence.
- Go flight.

- Go flight.
- All right, ladies and
gentlemen, it's pucker time.

Independence and Freedom,
this is Kennedy firing room.
We're T minus one minute.

All crew members,
close and lock your visors.

Independence, this is launch control.
Be advised, we're in a smooth count.

T minus 31. You're go
for auto-sequence start.

P.L.T.s, perform
your A.P.U. pre-start.

Okay, gentlemen, you're our warriors
up there. God be with you.

You're already heroes. Just
sit back and enjoy the ride.

We're T minus 20 seconds.

Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.

Four. Three. Two. One.

We have main engine start.

- We have booster ignition.
- We're going.

And liftoff.

Freedom, this is flight deck.

Roger, Freedom. You're looking good.

- We have go for Independence.
- Three. Two. One.

Independence,
we have booster ignition.

- We have liftoff.
- We are cooking, Houston.

Houston, the tower is clear.
They're all yours.

Heads up, everybody. They're ours now.

- All engines are go.
- Keep a sharp eye out on both of 'em.

Start roll manoeuvre.

- Two good roll programmes.
- One down.
- Independence, we have max cue.

Roger, Control. We are a max cue.

S.R.B. sep--

- We are single-engine, press, demi-go.
- Copy, press, demi-go.

Houston, this is a kick-ass ride!

Freedom, this is Houston.
Main engine cut out on schedule. Out.

Freedom, stats are good.

- Independence,
telemetry is up and running.
- Oh, my God.

This is space! 'Course, we're just
in the beginning part of space.

We-We haven't gotten to outer space yet.

Roger, Houston. We have a visual
on the Russian space station.
Initiating retro burn.

Gentlemen, remember the Russian space
station has been up there for 11 years.

Most of us don't have cars that old.

Now, the cosmonaut on board has been
on that tin can for 18 months, alone.

So don't be surprised
if he's a little... off.

- Independence, we're gonna put you--
- All right, crew.

Let's exit these flight suits.

Hello.

This is Russian space station.
Can you hear me?

We copy, Russian space station.
This is Houston.

I'm ready to fire my thrusters any time.

- Stand by.
- Okay. I'm not going anywhere.

We have a go.
Initiate gravitational spin.

You are maxed at 40-percent spin.

Okay, Houston.

I can feel I'm having gravity.

All right, gentlemen.
We're gonna dock in a minute.

Now, the Russian space station
has fired her rockets...

- Whee!
- to simulate gravity
and let us work faster.

It's gonna make you queasy,
so prepare yourself.

Well, it's about time.
I haven't thrown up in about an hour.

Initiating first phase
of docking procedure.

- Switching to manual.
- Manual override.

One foot per second.
Let's take this slow and do it
right, folks. Twenty feet.

Ten feet.

Looking good on radar. Five feet.

Locks are engaged. Fuel teams, let's go.

Freedom, telemetry is looking good.

We have soft dock.

Fuel teams, prepare to unload.

All right, gentlemen, watch your heads.

Let's go, Independence.

Colonel.

Where is he? Anybody home?

Welcome, everybody!

I am not gas station. This is
sophisticated laboratory. I'm in charge.

So do not be touching anything.

- I need one-- I need you.
- Go with him.

I need you. Hurry up.
Hurry up. Come on. Come on.

It's very important you watch
the fuel gauge, okay? Put on cold suit.

- Countdown clock will hold at--
- Copy that, Houston.
Prepping for fuel transfer.

Countdown clock will hold
at T minus 20 minutes and--

Fuel pod is down there.

It's down here, huh? Great.

Okay, let's connect these fuel lines.

Freedom on the left,
Independence on the right.

All right. We're goin' left here.

To the right is fuel gauge. You watch
the fuel gauge. One fifty, okay.

One sixty, okay. Two hundred,
bad disaster for space station.

So if you watch 200, you call for Lev,
on, and you see here number one. Off.

You ask for Lev. And you pull
this down, all the way down.

- What's Lev?
- I am Lev Andropov, colonel
of Russian space agency.

In Russia I'm a very big man.

- We're ready to transfer.
- I'm coming. No problem.

You. You. You there!

- Hard locked.
- Ready for transfusion!

Fuel is pumping.

Hey, Lev, the, uh,
the-the pressure's climbing.

Still, we're on fuel transference.

Don't touch my uncle. You know?

He's a genius of my family.

Lev! Can anybody hear me?
Guys? Hello, guys!

He used to work
for a big bomb factory.

He used to make the tip
of the bomb, the thing...

that finds, uh, New York
or Washington, you know?

- Ooh.
- Check your hoses. We got
some thermal variation.

Stamper, let's look at the couplings,
back on the shuttle.

Okay. Shut down. Uh--

Uh-- Guys!

What's that noise?

Oh, no! God!

What is it?

Leak! Leak!

Get your men back to the shuttle! Go!

Go! Hurry up! Get out of there!

- You know, this really smarts!
- Pull lever!

This is the lever!

- Colonel, we must get him out of there!
- A.J., come on out!

- Aah! Aah!
- Hurry! Hurry!

Emergency break away!

We got a fire in the fuel pod!

- Come on!
- Come on! Get in here!
A.J.'s stuck in the fuel pod!

We're losing it!

Control, this is Independence.
I am seeing vibration--

- Malloy, talk to me!
- Not good. We got sparks
and fire in the fuel pod.

Independence, blow those locks
and get outta there now!

Dump the hoses now! We're going!

- What happened?
Let me shut off the O2 feed!
- Harry, it's burnin' up!

Damn! Max, Rock, get in here!

Get down there and crack
these pipes over here!

- Harry, it's burnin' up!
- We're goin' back for the other team!

Switch on
the personnel locators.

Trackin' A.J. He's climbin'.

- No!
- Go! Go!

It's too late! Get back to the shuttle!
This thing's gonna blow!

No!

Colonel, we gotta move now!
Come on! Close the hatch!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
We got a man in there!

- Open that door, and we'll all die!
- Fuel leak!

Evac now! Let's go! Let's go!

Come on back! No, wait!
The door is broken!

- No!
- They got the fire sealed
in the fuel pod.

They locked it down.
Tracking men to the shuttle.

They've still got
two men trapped in there!

Keep running! The shuttle's another
75 feet! Where's the rest of the team?

Where's A.J.?

- A.J.'s gone!
- We're not leavin' without A.J.!

He's gone! It's too late!

Come on! This way is our only chance!

So it's minus hundred!

Very cold. Hold breath, or lung freezes!

Get back to the shuttle!
And lock that door!

- It's on fire! It's on fire, Harry!
- It's them or all of us!

- It's on fire.
- Full thrust.
- We're gonna get hit.

Lev! Lev, the door's gonna blow!

No!

- Oh!
- We're going! It's gonna blow!

- A.J.'s still in there!
- Blow the locks. No, the bolts!
- We've gotta--

I think we're almost there!

Flight, Independence does not
have A.J. They're gonna
close the door without him.

Tracking.
They're 75 feet from the shuttle.

- Just tell 'em to air lock
the door and go!
- Dog the hatch now!

Close it!

Ho--

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Colonel! That thing's
comin' right for-- We got to move!

Hurry up! There's the shuttle door!

Fire's coming at us! Close the door now!

Go! Go! Go!

Freedom, the Independence crew
is on board and accounted for.

- We're even heavy one cosmonaut.
- They got 90 percent of their fuel.

Pretty intense, huh?

That's why I told you, "Touch nothing."

But you're bunch of cowboys.

So while the consciousness
of the planet is unified,

focused on the NASA mission taking place
right now in the vast ocean of space,

we're now in the final
hours of the mission,

as the Freedom and Independence
prepare to slingshot around the moon.

Morning, guys. It's time
to suit up, I guess.

Uh, we got a big day.

- Eighteen seconds to radio interrupt.
- Booster sequence confirmed.

This is Houston.
Roger that, Freedom. We copy.

Shuttles are ready
for the burn around the moon.

Radio contact terminated. We're out.

Nine and a half Gs for 11 minutes.
I'd start praying about right now.

So this is the part
where we're supposed to just...

hold on real tight and, uh,
hope we don't die.

- Stand by for lunar roll.
- High inclination. Lunar orbit.

You boys got those wills
filled out correctly?

All right, men, this is what
we trained for. Now just suck it up!

On the mark. Five. Four.

Three. Two. One.

- Is this supposed to be like this?
- Don't worry. This is normal.

How would you know?

- Fourteen thousand miles an hour.
- Four Gs.

- Ahh!
- How long does this last?
- Six Gs.

- Fifteen thousand.
- Really heavy, man!
- This isn't normal.

- What do you mean, "this isn't normal"?
- This is way worse!

Eight Gs. Hang tight!

We're not gonna make it!
Oh, we're gonna die!

Twelve minutes. Flight,
we still got nothin' here.

This is too fast!

Ten Gs!

We're maxed at 22,500!

We have acquisition of signal
from Independence and Freedom.

We're in, guys. All right.
Welcome back, team.

We have visual of the target, Houston.

You see that?

Wow.

Come in, Independence.
- Houston, you gotta
see this to believe it.

Okay, team, let's take 'em in. Okay,
Quincy, how much tail debris do we have?

Freedom, turn on FOD radar.

FOD radar on.

Everybody, hang on. This could get
a little rough. Engaging evasive radar.

Hold on!

Goddamn! We got debris!

We're dumping auxiliary boosters.

- Houston, do you read me?
- We got debris!

We're goin' in! We're comin' in hot!

Independence, try to maintain
your present heading.
You've got a target L.Z.

- There's too much debris!
We gotta peel off!
- Negative!

We're hit!

- Mayday, mayday!
- I've lost main thrusters.
Get 'em back up!

Mayday, Houston, mayday!
We've lost R.C.S. thrusters!

Mayday, Freedom, mayday! We are
out of control! We are going down!

Do you read me?
Freedom, we are going down!

We're gonna hit!

Everybody, go to your own life support!
Lock yourself in the cargo bay!

We are going down! Houston! Houston,
we are going down! We have lost control!

I can't get it on!

- Good luck, Freedom.
- Oh, my God, this is it.

Sharp, what the hell is that?
Is that the Independence?

Houston, Independence is
a dead stick. They're not gonna make it.

Houston, Independence has gone down.

When I touch this baby down,
full reverse thrust.

- Fires on your right, Sharp!
- Reversing the thrusters!

Hang tight! Hang tight!

Houston, we overshot our landing field.
We overshot our landing field.

Oh, no!

- God!
- Aah!

Initiate system light system check. Make
sure we can still get off this rock.

Our electrical system is screwed.
I'm going to back-up. Fuel seals check.

- Engine seals check.
Pressure seals check.
- Oh, God. Oh!

- Anyone hurt?
- Where's--

Where's the other shuttle?
What happened to the other shuttle?

- Independence is off the grid.
- "Off the grid"?

What are you, a freakin' cyborg?
What does that mean?

Hey, you saw it yourself, right?

They're gone.

Come in, Freedom. This is
CAPCOM Houston. Freedom, come in.

This is CAPCOM Houston.
Come in, Freedom.

- God!
- Let's just ask God
to take care of our friends.

- May they rest in peace.
- Amen.

We got eight hours.

Let's get this job done and go home.

Nothin'.

Come on, Watts, Sharp, somebody.

This is CAPCOM Houston.

Come in, Freedom. Freedom, come in.
This is CAPCOM Houston.

- Maybe you shouldn't be here.
- I don't have anywhere else to go.

Freedom, come in.
This is CAPCOM Houston.

All right, let's get the tools
unpacked and fire up the Armadillo.

- We're not getting a damn thing
on the inertial nav system.
- I know where we are.

Please step away.
Radio signal's dead.

I'm flipping the backup generator.

Radio signal's gonna be cut in half
till we get main power back.

We're in segment 202, lateral grid 9,
site 15H-32, give or take a few yards.

- Captain America here
blew the landing by 26 miles.
- How the hell do you know that?

- Because I'm a genius.
- The gauges will not read.

They're all peaked, like
we're plugged into some magnetic field.

Well, who on this spaceship
wants to know why?
- By all means.

The reason we were shooting
for grid 8 is because...

thermographics indicated that
grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite.

Which means that you landed us
on a goddamn iron plate.

All right. Well, you heard
the man. Let's wheel out
the remote satellite link.

- We need that radio.
- Oh, God, please tell me
we still got one of 'em.

Independence has flat-lined.

Oh. Oh.

Oscar! Oscar!

Oh, God!

Hello! Anyone!

Is anyone else alive?
Somebody, help me!

A.J.!

- Where are you?
- I'm here.

Lev, there's no one else.

- There's no one else.
- I know.

Oh, man.

- Bear, where are you?
- A.J.? A.J.?

I'm in the shuttle, man.

- Are you all right?
- I'm so glad to see you, man.

I never thought I'd be so happy
to see your ugly face.

- Houston, do you read? This is Freedom.
- Check your thrusters.

- Houston, do you copy?
- Is everyone good to go?

Wow.

Down here! In the valley!

This place is like
Dr. Seuss's worst nightmare.

Let's get the remote satellite.
We'll get better reception up there.

Bring Max down.
Watch yourself through here, Max.

- There're a couple big fissures.
- To the left!

Bring it to the left!

Rockhound, you
come on down here and take some
readings down in the flat spot.

Iron ferrite.

I have fire.
Watts, I'm comin' back. Stand by.

- Mostly iron, Rockhound.
- God, I hate knowing everything.

We couldn't have picked
a worse spot to drill.

Well, I can pretty much guarantee
it's not gonna be thicker than 50 feet.

- How do you figure that?
- 'Cause if it is, we're screwed.

- Max, you good?
- Yeah. Just makin' hole.

- Turn it around.
- Friggin' outer space.

It's good.

All right. We're in. Another light.
We're cuttin' through pretty good.

There's some stuff in here
I ain't never seen.

All right, let's punch it down!

- Hey, Harry, did you see that?
- Yeah, Max, I see it.
I see it. What is it?

- We lost the bite in the bit.
- All right. Back it off. Back it off.

Goddamn it!

Sounds like we twisted a shank.
Back it out of there, Max.
Good. Good. Hold 'er there.

Wow, this is a goddamn Greek tragedy.

- We've all seen
broken drill heads before.
- Not after ten feet.

- I never seen one.
- Well, now you've seen one.

- What do you want?
- Unpack the Judge.

Bear, Lev.

We're only three astronauts left now.

We're not astronauts.
We're oil drillers. We're not
even supposed to be here.

What? You're not astronaut?

I'm getting us outta here. Get in.

- Why?
- Just get in the Armadillo.
I have an idea.

Houston, this is Freedom.
Do you copy?

Houston, do you copy?
Freedom shuttle has--

We're gettin' some scattered
video feeds here.

Houston, this is Freedom. Do you copy?

- Thank God we have you, Freedom.
- Freedom, this is Houston. Go ahead.

- Don't lose 'em, Malloy.
- Sharp, I'm getting something.

- Houston, this is Freedom.
We have landed safely.
- Where are they?

We are at site coordinates
approximately 15H-32--

- Okay, I want to know everything
we can about that location.
- Got it.

- Get it before we lose 'em.
- We're also having electric
and antenna difficulties.

- Walter, get Mechanical on that.
- But we have commenced drilling.

- Stevens, we're losin' him.
Bring it up on four. On four.
- Come on.

Shuttle flight capability not yet known.

- Bump the signal.
- Bumping.
- Houston. Houston.

We lost 'em. Get 'em back.
Gruber, we need that hookup.

Show you how we do things
where I come from.

Hold on!

Seat it.

All right, get ready.
Max, thread it.

Guys, the clock is tickin'.
Let's go, go, go, go, go!

All right! Good! Crank it loose!

Keep it at 25. Let's kick
a little asteroid butt!

All right, Chick. Give me
more torque on the turbine, huh?

Max, I need
some more power down here!

- All right, boss.
- Throw it in fourth,
then drop the hammer.

- Let's drill through this turd.
- Come on, boys.

We gotta hop. We're fallin' behind.
Dig, dig, dig. Chew this iron bitch up.

- Chick, the tranny's stuck.
- Harry!

- What is it?
- Chick, come on! Help!

- Release the clutch!
- Pull it up!

Okay. Well, this thing's not movin'.

No, no, no! Shut it down! Shut it--

This is not workin' out, Harry.

- Oh, are you all right?
- Oh, blew the tranny.
Blew the tranny.

Come on, God.

Just a little help.
That's all I'm askin'.

I think we're close enough.
He might've heard ya.

Here's the bad news. Before
the asteroid passed the moon,

her rotation was stable
at 32 degrees on an x axis.

But now look at this. The lunar
gravity's put her in a spin.

She's tumbling on all three axes.
This wasn't expected, sir.

- What does this do for communications?
- Not good.

We'll have definite contact with
the shuttle for only seven more minutes.

- After that it's radio darkness.
- For how long?

And after seven minutes,
we may never hear from them again.

But we're trying
to bounce a signal...

off a Russian military satellite,
reestablish contact that way.

If we lose the shuttle com,
when do we lose the ability
to remote detonate that nuke?

The weapon remote receives a signal
from a Milstar satellite.

Higher orbit, more powerful transmitter.

If we've got the shuttle
for seven minutes, we can remote
detonate for an additional five.

What he's trying to say, General,
is that, uh, in 12 minutes' time,

you may lose the ability
to detonate the nuke... permanently.

I've got to inform the president.

Just want to make sure you know
we're stuck on an asteroid.

- Do you know what you're doing now?
- No, no.

You know what? I have no idea
what I'm doing. I have no idea.

This button-- I don't know
what that does, okay?

All I know is that
we just crashed back there,

I lost two of my friends,
we're 25 miles from Harry's shuttle.

We don't know if he's alive.
We don't know if he can fly.
All I know is, there's a beep...

on this thing and I'm
trying to get us there.

Let's get it unpacked.

- What's up?
- We're drilling through some kind
of metal I've never seen before.

It's fried two of our drill bits,
and now we blew our first transmission.

- So how deep are we?
- We could use your help with
the transmission, Colonel.

I have an assessment report due now.
We're supposed to be at 200 feet.

- So how deep are we?
- Not as deep as we'll be...

when you quit askin' me these questions
and help us load this transmission on.

- What is our current depth?
- Our current depth
is not important, Colonel.

I'll decide what's important.
We've got 800 feet to drill.

You've had two and a half hours.
Where are we?

We're at 57 feet.

Now, if you're not too busy,
maybe you can give us a hand
with this transmission.

Colonel Sharp! Get this strapped up.
I'll be right back. Colonel Sharp!

All right. I'm coming through.
We have contact. Over.

That's as clear as it's gonna get.

Houston, this is Freedom. Do you copy?

Working at a remote satellite link
at this moment. Transmission change.

- Colonel!
- Twenty minutes. Puts drilling
final at ten hours.

Please advise. That's four hours
past the zero barrier. Please advise.

What the hell is this? "Zero depth"?

And where'd this come from?
Who are you talkin' to? Is that Truman?

Lemme have that phone.
Gimme the phone. Truman! Look,
this is what happens when you drill.

We cannot use your "U.S. Air Force
Personnel Only" drill time card.

- Who wrote this thing, by the way?
- We're losing coms again.

Look-- Is he getting this? Does he
hear me or-- What's wrong with this?

- The com's down.
- What do you mean, "the com's down"?

What do I mean? I mean we've
lost communication to mission control.

Fine. Let's go back to the cargo bay
and get the transmission--

Harry, guess what. You had your shot.
You didn't do it. You understand me?

- You can't--
- Why don't you stay here--

Write a report,
why don't ya? That'll be--

My men and I will go
and get this hole dug!

You and your men are the biggest
mistake in the history of NASA.

- We've lost communication.
- Oh, God.

- We're not lookin' too good right now.
- No shit.

We gotta get that radio back up.

Mr. President,
it's time to make a decision.

We can remote detonate the bomb
for only another five minutes.

Yes? Kimsey here. Yes, Mr. President.

Yes, we saw that too, sir.

But maybe we should wait until they--

Dan, get them out of there.

- Evac right now.
- What's goin' on here?

I've been ordered
to override the system.

Well, what is this?

Secondary protocol.

But they haven't drilled
the damn hole yet!

The president's advisors feel
that the drilling isn't working.

And we've lost radio contact,
maybe for good.

We've only got a few minutes
left of guaranteed ability
to remote detonate that nuke.

If we don't do it now we could lose
control, and we may never get it back.

Well, you tell the president that
he better fire his so-called advisors.

If you detonate that nuke
on the surface, we waste
a perfectly good bomb,

and we have one chance
to save this planet!

I need that radio. Gruber,
give me everything you got now!
- Roger that.

Yes, Mr. President, I understand
that completely, but my point
is very, very simple.

And I think you need to trust me on this
because I know something about it.

I guarantee you,
if you do this, you kill us all.

Yes, sir.

General, he wants you.

This is Kimsey. Yes, sir.

I understand.

The orders are
to remote detonate in 30 seconds.

You have not told them yet!

That is my father up there!

This is one order you shouldn't
follow, and you fucking know it!

Let her go. Let her go!

Your key, sir.

God be with them.

Slow it down.

Harry...

the clock on that
nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.

Oh, my God! Sharp!
Get back here now!

What? Get the shuttle ready to evac now!

- It just came on all by itself.
What the hell's happening?
- Secondary protocol.

- What's that? What?
- Secondary protocol.

- What does that mean?
- What the hell's secondary protocol?

- They're detonating
this thing from Earth.
- What do you mean, detonating?

- We haven't even drilled the hole yet!
- We'll drop it in the hole.

- What're you talkin' about?
- The hole? Whoa, whoa!
- Get your helmets on now!

- Oh, no, no. How-How you turn it off?
- I got two men out on that rock!

I got a man out there too.
We gotta evac now.

Max, Rockhound, get back
to the shuttle, double-time!

- They could be on their way here.
- They're not on their way here.

They would've talked to us
by now. We would've seen them.

- Watts, air lock the cockpit now!
- I copy you.

- Max, Rockhound!
- Hey, wait a minute!
How do you turn this thing off?

- Harry, do you copy?
- Somethin's wrong.

Yeah, it's all wrong, man.
We shouldn't even be up here.

I know. Let's go back to the ship!

I'm not leavin' without my men, Sharp.

We've got two and a half minutes
to drop it and get off this rock.

If they're not back by the time
we finish, we leave without 'em.

Okay, let's simplify this.
Let's just turn the bomb off right now.

If we don't put this bomb down
in a hole 800 feet onto a fault line,

all you're gonna have is
a real expensive fireworks show.

This is turnin' into
a surrealistic nightmare here.

Watsler, are you listening? It's Truman.

Okay, listen to me carefully.
I want you to kill it. Kill the uplink.

- Give us the time, Sharp.
Shut this bomb down now!
- It's not my call.

- Then whose call is it?
- An order to detonate can only
come from the president.

- The president's not here!
You've gotta give us more time!
- Let's just turn it off now.

I'm telling you
to shut this bomb down now!

- And I'm telling you it's not my call!
- Well, guess what.

- I just made the call for you.
- Harry!

Don't. You could set it off.

Oh, man. What're you doin'
with a gun in space?

Come on. Come on. We gotta stop
that bomb right now. Kill the uplink.

- This thing is gonna blow.
We gotta get it off the ship.
- Easy.

- Stand down, Sergeant.
- Shut this bomb down and let us
finish our job the right way.

I'm under orders to protect
a surface detonation.

I'm gonna give you three seconds
to shut this bomb down, and then
I'm gonna make you shoot me.

Hurry, Watsler.
For Christ's sake, hurry.

What happened?

Aah!

Sir, the override--
It's been overridden.

I bought us a couple of minutes, so get
that radio workin', okay? Hurry, hurry!

Bring me all the way up here just to
blow me and my friends up? Is that it?

- Listen--
- Shut up!

Shut up, Colonel.
I'm talking now.

It could start again.
It might've been a warning.

Uh-oh.

That's why you are gonna
dismantle this bomb.

All right. What'd we miss?

- Do it again.
- Go.

Keep tryin'.

Sir, I need you to cease and desist.
I need your terminal... now.

- They're reactivating the bomb.
- Comin' back on-line, sir.

Oh, geez. Here we go again.

What're you doin' up here? And why did
you even bother to make the trip?

To do the right thing,
to see that it's done.

For God's sakes,
think about what you're doin'.

Why are you listenin' to someone
that's 100,000 miles away?

We're here.
Nobody down there can help us.

So if we don't get this job
done, then everybody's gone.

One minute.

I've been drillin' holes
in the earth for 30 years.

And I have never, never missed
a depth that I have aimed for.

And by God, I am not gonna miss
this one. I will make 800 feet.

- Forty-two seconds.
- But I can't do it alone,
Colonel. I need your help.

You swear on your daughter's life,
on my family's,

that you can hit that mark?

I will make 800 feet.
I swear to God, I will.

Then let's turn this bomb off.

Steady. Take it back. That's what you'll
have to do. Get 'em off backwards.

- Rainbow track? Under--
Under one? Under-- Okay.
- All of 'em. All of 'em.

- Okay. Are we free of static?
- Oh, do a good job. Do a good job.

- Steady. Steady.
- Good job. All right. All right.

Go! Go! Go! Red wire "A." Ready? And--

Now. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

Negative "B."

- Ready, and now.
- Do a good job. Do a good job.
- Track flipped. Hots in.

- It better be. Go.
- Red or blue?

Re--

Blue.

Good job!

Oh, God, it sucks up here.

- Sir, the clock has stopped
at three seconds.
- What?

Have we lost complete radio contact?

I got some magic happening.
We're bouncing off Russian
and French satellites.

- It may have a faint signal.
- Houston? Houston, do you copy?

Go ahead, Freedom.

Houston, you have a problem-- Problem.

See, I promised my little girl
that I'd be comin' home.

Now, I don't know what you
people are doin' down there,
but we got a hole to dig up there.

Go, go, go, go! Come on.
We got work to do.

Okay, guys. All go, no quit.
How ya doin' down there? Good?

Okay, got the tranny.
We're back in business.

Hey, you guys should take a break
and come up and see this.

Wow. Got a great view
of the Earth from here.

Too bad we'll never
set foot on her again.

- Lev, do you see anything?
- No.

Well, keep goin'.
I'm not givin' up.

Hold up here, Bear.

- Oh, boy.
- This is great.

We just happen to run into
the Grand Canyon on the asteroid?

I told you, you took
a wrong way, a wrong road.

What-What road?
Do you see any roads around here?

You know what? I do not have
much pleasure being near God's ear.

But you think this is
looking good, or what?

Lev, why don't you just do humanity
a favour and just shut the hell up?

Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?

No, I never saw Star Wars.

All right. Doin' a good job.

- Give me a depth reading, Max.
- We're 150 feet, Harry.

Yee-ha!

Ride 'em, cowboy!
Yippee-kai-yo, kai-yay!

Get off... the nuclear... warhead.

I was doin' that guy
from that movie, you know,

Slim Pickens, where he rides it
all the way in-- the nuclear warhead.

- Now.
- Oh, you didn't see that one, huh?

We got 700 feet of hole
to dig, Rockhound.

All right. Just-Just wanted to feel
the power between my legs, brother.

Hey, Sharp.

No nukes! No nukes! No nukes!

You got any more bullets
in that gun, Sharp?

What did Watts
tell you, Bear? If she kicked you
in the balls, you'd keep floating.

Yeah.

We turn the thrusters off,

we jump this thing,
we float right over it.

Go over it again, Lev.

- Throw the jet thrusters off
exactly when we jump.
- Okay.

And then we're gonna put them on,
and we gonna go down nice and slow.

- That's it. That's it, baby. That's it.
- Is this gonna work?

- I don't know.
- Lev, you know what, just lie to me.

Let's say 50-50-- No. More like, uh--

like 70-30 or 80-20.

But you know what? If it works, the two
of you gonna be heroes, just like me.

Screw it.
We're jumpin' over this canyon.

Just for the record,
this is a very bad idea!

- Wait for the edge.
Don't hit it till we get there.
- I'm waiting.

Three.

Two. One!

Aah!

- Yes! It's working!
- It's working!

Oh, my God!

- I'm a genius! Wait a minute.
- Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

- We got some rocks!
- Go left! Go left!

Lev, Lev, I can't do anything!

Oh, okay, okay, we're
floating into outer space.

- Check main switch.
- Uh, this could be
a little bit of a problem.

- Thrusters on... now!
- All right, turn 'em on.

What's wrong?

I-I don't know. The-The thrusters
not working. I hate this machine!

- I thought you had this planned!
What're we supposed to do?
- Be quiet! I must think!

- I'm stepping outside.
- You're-You're going outside?

I am the only certified astronaut,
and I'm saving your American ass!

Yes. You'll listen to him. Right.

Hurry up, Lev, because
we're about a mile off the asteroid!

Just a second.
The fuel line is iced up.

- I think maybe workin' now.
- No, Lev, it's not working!

I'm sorry, A.J. I was way off the odds.

- We're gettin' higher, man.
- Look out!

The rocks! Rocks are coming!

- Hold on!
- Aah!

- Pull the thrusters!
- Lev, look out!

- We lost Lev.
- A.J.!

- A.J., the thrusters!
- Aah!

Let's get Lev back!

Aah!

Lev, hold on! We're comin' in!

Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Lord.

Thank You. Thank You,
thank You, thank You, thank You.

Lev!

- Now I'm really a Russian hero!
- I told you!

- I know!
- I knew this would work!

- Good odds, you know?
- Come on, Lev.

- Get in here. We gotta go.
- Yah!

Rockhound, keep on that transmission.

- Tranny looks good, Harry.
- All right. Take it outta there.

Lock it down, Chick.

Nice.

How come we didn't get
any training on this thing?

Whoa. Very cool. I could take out
this asteroid single-handedly.

Okay, boys, give it a rest.
I'll take it from here.

Whoa!

- What the hell is that?
- It's Rockhound.
- Whoa.

This is so much fun, it's freaky.

Rockhound!

Whoa, watch your heads. Sorry, Harry.

- Outta my way, boys!
- Rockhound!

Meet your maker, asteroid!

- What the hell's the matter
with you, Rockhound? Goddamn!
- This is insane.

- Have you lost your mind?
- No.
- He's got space dementia.

Harry, you want to watch your man.

Max, downshift and put it in reverse.
We gotta get that pipe outta there.

Uh-oh.

- What's happening?
- The ground's cracking!
- Earthquake!

Quick, shut it off!

- Shut it off! Shut it off now!
- We're gonna have a blowout!

- We hit a gas pocket!
- We got pressure out the ass!

Max, get your helmet on!
Max, she's gonna blow!

- Aah! Oh, Jesus, I'm cooking!
- Max, get outta there!

This is it! Harry!

I'm bailing!

Max!

Goodbye, Max.

- Max!
- Take care, buddy.

- Armadillo's off the scope.
- I think we've had a blowout.
- No sign of the Armadillo.

Get ahold of Truman.

Prepare the world for bad news.

We're getting sketchy
information that the mission...

has suffered massive failure.

And what we're
trying to do right now...

is to confirm that and find out
exactly what that means.

Repeat: We're getting leaks
from several NASA officials,

some rushing home
to be with their families,

that the drilling
was unsuccessful.

This could very well be our final hour.

We're gonna go off the air now.

Good luck and God bless.

- We've got incoming.
- I got tracks.

NORAD's tracking four
small incoming over Europe.

I think one's about to hit near Paris.

Reports are coming in.

Martial law has been implemented
in 42 countries.

Once the asteroid hits zero barrier,

it will take about three hours
and 57 minutes to impact Earth.

I guess we do it the president's way.

I'll order an evac.
You can remote detonate.

- You still don't think
this'll work, do you?
- What I think is irrelevant.

- We need to do it now.
- Fine.

- Can they still take off?
- We hope so.

You are the one
that pulled them into this!

That is my family up there,
so I don't wanna hear, "We hope so"!

Guess what, guys?
It's time to embrace the horror.

Look. We got front-row tickets
to the end of the Earth.

- Yeah!
- Way to go, baby!
- Harry!

Yo, Harry! What's up, baby?

Hey, get that bomb outta there!
We got a hole to make!

Houston, you're not gonna believe this,

but the other Armadillo has arrived.

All right, people, listen up.
Settle down and focus.

- Mechanical, get on-line.
- P.P.O., gimme a setup.
- Your boyfriend's back.

Yo, Harry!

Hey, Harry. You miss me?

A.J., I got just five words for ya.

- Damn glad to see ya, boy!
- That's six words.

Chick, walk 'em down.
- So where's
this hole you need dug?

Houston, drilling has recommenced.

Do you think they can drill
250 feet in an hour?

They better.

Bring that piece on in, Bear.

Tractor pull.

- I'm comin' down!
- We got 250 feet to go.

It's our last transmission,
last drill head.

Punch it through.
First gear. We got contact.

Come on down, A.J.
I got this, man. Let's go!

Lev, the right engine hub.
Houston, I'm getting no response
from the preflight sequence.

Come on, now.
This is not-- Hey-- Hey, come here.

Can you get me outta here,
please, Lev? Thank you.

- Ow! Jesus! Hey!
- Wait. Uh, shh, shh.

- Lev, the right engine--
- Okay.

Lemme outta here, will ya? Just tryin'
to have some fun before I die!

- How deep are we?
- Seven seventy.

- Whoa, they got problems.
- The gauges are spiking.

Methane! Shut it down! Back it down!

I can't pull back now. The bit'll
get lodged. We don't have enough time!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's gonna blow!
It's how we lost Max!

I know what I'm talkin' about.
We can punch through this.
We can knock this outta the park.

This is our last transmission, A.J.

Goddamn it, if you're ever
gonna trust me, ever,

once in your life, trust me now!

- Harry, it's gonna blow!
- Harry, I know what I'm doin'.
You just gotta trust me.

Make the call.

All right. Hold on.
I'm pushin' through her.

I'm pushin' through her!

- What's your depth?
- Seven seventy-five. Seven eighty.

Take it up, baby! Ram it home!

Drive on down, A.J.!

Seven eighty-five. Come on. Come on.

- Come on, A.J.!
- Punch it!
- Ninety-one. Come on.

Seven ninety-two. Seven ninety-five!

Drive it down, A.J.!

Seven ninety-seven! Ninety-nine!

- Breakthrough!
- Eight hundred! Eight-oh-two, Harry!

- Yeah!
- We did it!

- Yes!
- We did it!

- Yeah! Kid, way to go!
- I knew it, baby!

- It's not over till we get
the bomb down that hole.
- Watts, they've got 38 minutes.

Harry, you've gotta give me that hole.

I'm gonna need two more minutes.
I got a bent pipe jammed in the hole.

We gotta cut it out before
we can send that bomb down. A.J.!

- She good to go?
- Yeah, I'm all set.

All right.

- All right.
- A.J., come on! Make it fast!

I'm goin' as fast as I can!
There's a lot of gas pressure!

You feel that?

Harry, you gotta give me that hole.
The bomb is almost ready.

- Pull that pipe out!
- Harry, I'm almost through!

Give me 15 more seconds!

Well, this is somethin' new.

I don't think this thing likes us.

- That's 'cause it knows
we're here to kill it.
- Whoa!

Hey, what's goin' on up there?

- A.J.!
- What the hell was that?

- A.J.!
- Goddamn it, I'm finished!

- A.J., you all right?
- Oh, lot of gas pressure in here, man!

- Get me out!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hydrogen pocket!

Aah!

Whoa!

Aah!

Oh! Harry! Pull me in!

Aah! A.J., hang on!

Secure the bomb!

Sharp, heads up!

Gruber! Get outta there now!

Oh, no.

Oh, God, no!

Look out!

Help! Oh, no!

Do you believe that just happened?

- Sharp, you all right?
- I'm okay.

- Bear?
- Yeah. I'm here, Harry.

- A.J.?
- Yeah, I'm okay.

We lost Gruber.

Gruber's dead.

Let's get that bomb ready
and go home.

Oh, my God.

- Is there a problem, Colonel?
- The timer, the remote,
the whole thing's dead.

What, the bomb is dead?

No, the trigger's dead. It must've
gotten damaged during the rock storm.

So how do we detonate it?

We have 18 minutes to zero barrier.
We got some bad news.

The remote detonator
on the bomb has been damaged.

That means that somebody's
gonna have to stay behind.

It takes two people
to fly this thing.

Either we all stay and die,
or you guys draw straws.

I say we all stay and die.
But that's me.

I'll draw. Let's draw.

Nobody's gonna draw straws.

- I'll stay and take care of it.
- Well, I can't live
with that sort of thing.

- Nobody asked you if you could
live with it, all right?
- Bullshit!

No way I will let you
volunteer for this...

so I can go back to my home country
like the man who didn't volunteer.

No way!

Hey, man, let's draw, and let's see
who's gonna stay up here and dance.

Guys, l-l-l know you guys
think I'm crazy right now,

but I would really like
this responsibility.

All right. All right.

- I can do it.
- Let's just draw straws and
get it over with. Come on.

I ain't drawin' against you, Harry.

Well, I'm gonna draw against you, Chick,
so you better just go ahead and do it.

Just gimme this thing.

Is this good or bad?

Oh, man.

Well, we all gotta die, right?

I'm the guy who gets
to do it saving the world.

So, uh, let's go.
We-We got about ten minutes, right?

You plug this into the port.

Lift, press, hold. That's it.

Lift, press, hold. Shouldn't be
too tough. Even I can't screw this up.

I'll take him down.

Do me a favour, will ya?

Just tell Grace that, uh--

that I'll always be with her, okay?

Can you do that?

Yeah. Okay, kid.

Give this to Truman.

Make sure Truman gets that.
Get in there.

It's my turn now.

Harry! Harry!

You can't do this to me! It's my job!

You go take care of my little girl now.
That's your job.

Always thought of you as a son.

Always.

But I'd be damn proud
to have you marry Grace.

- Harry.
- You take care of yourself.

- Harry, no!
- I love you, pal.

Harry, I love you!
Don't, Harry! Wait a minute!

- My son.
- Don't do this, Harry!

Don't do this! Harry!

What happened?

That crazy, stubborn son of a--

Well, this was a real good idea.

All right, let's go, Sharp.
Let's get our team outta here.

Come on! Let's get ready
to initiate thrusters! Let's go!

- Strap it in, guys!
- Get the O2 masks.

Are they green? Are they green?

I can't believe this is going down
like this. You all right?

- O2 vents locked, pressure loaded.
- Engine board is green.

T minus three minutes and counting.

Houston, do you copy?
This is Harry Stamper.

It's down there.

- Electrical systems primed.
- A.P.U. is set. Oxidizers are loading.

Houston, we're outta here
in T minus three minutes.

Daddy!

Hi, Gracie. Hi, honey.

Grace, I know I promised you
I was comin' home.

I don't under-- understand.

Looks like I'm gonna
have to break that promise.

I, um-- I lied to you, too,

when I told you that
I didn't want to be like you.

Because I am like you.

And everything good that I have
inside of me, I have from you.

I love you so much, Daddy.

I'm so proud of you.

I'm so scared.

I'm so scared.

I know it, baby, but there won't be
anything to be scared of soon.

Gracie, I want you to know
that A.J. saved us. He did.

I want you to tell Chick...

that I couldn't have done it
without him, none of it.

I want you to take care of A.J.

I wish I could be there
to walk you down the aisle.

But I'll--

I'll look in on you
from time to time, okay, honey?

I love you, Grace.

I love you too.

- I gotta go now, honey.
- Daddy, no.

No, no, Dad, no.

O.M.S. pod pre-start.
O2 vents locked, pressure loaded.

What the hell's goin' on up there?
Why haven't you guys left yet?

We're going, Harry. Houston.

- We got O.M.S. pod pre-start.
- Pod pre-start confirmed.

- What's the problem?
- I don't know.

- What's wrong?
- Fix it now!

No time, no time!

- What?
- What's that?

- Where you goin'?
- Come on. We're stayin', we're goin'.

We're stayin', we're goin'.
Make up your minds.

Sharp, get out of here now.
You got less than three minutes.

Come on, Watts.
Come on, come on.

Blow the bomb, Harry.
We're with you.

- Uh, it's stuck. Yes?
- You don't know the components!

Components, American components,
Russian components. All made in Taiwan!

We're gettin' tight
for ignition, Freedom.

Houston, we've got no fire.

- What does that mean?
- It means we got a busted ship.

A busted ship?
And I'm strapped in here.

I had a great spot picked out there.

Freedom, you fire that engine.
If there's not a way, you find
a way. The clock's tickin'.

Let's go! Let's fire
that engine, Freedom!

You got less than a minute.
Don't think I won't blow this thing.

Sharp, get out of here.
It's gettin' bad down here.

I know how to fix it.
Please, move.

I-I have to take you away
if you don't move.

Watts, you gotta get that shuttle
started. You gotta fire it up now!

Damn it, Sharp.
Get off this rock!

I'm telling you, please, move!
This is how we fix problem...

in the Russian space station.

Because I don't want
to stay here any more.

Yeah! Finally! We can go home!

- She's coming back. She's coming back.
- We're hot!

Watts! Let's go, let's go!

Rain all you want, you son of a bitch.

Let's go! We don't have time!
Hurry, hurry. We got no time!

Initiate thrusters on my mark!

Two, one, mark!

Come on. Get some altitude.
Let's go, let's go.

Freedom has max thrust!

Thank you, Harry.

Shuttle's out of range.
Still no detonation.

Something's not right.
Too much time has gone by.

Zero barrier's about
to be breached. One minute.

Harry, come on.
Press that button.

- We're goin' back
and do it ourselves.
- Just don't. Wait one minute.

- Dan, we're about
to cross the threshold.
- Come on. Press the button.

Colonel, I'm askin' you.
Just one more minute!

Press the button, Stamper.

Come on.

Harry'll do it. I know it.

He doesn't know how to fail.

We win, Gracie!

Press it!

We have detonation.
Confirming detonation.

The two halves are gonna miss us
by 400 miles...

and most of the small particles
have been vaporized.

- Houston, we're comin' home.
- We copy that, Freedom.

Yo, Harry, you the man.

Kennedy, we see you.
And you never looked so good.

I never told anybody this before
but I hate flyin',

so it'd be an awful shame
to die now.

That's easy for you to say. I owe
100 grand to a bad-ass loan shark...

which I spent on a stripper
named Molly Mounds.

Boy, that's bad.

Kennedy, we are 100 percent.
Flap suspension control on full.

Welcome home, astronauts.

Hey, guys, remember:
We're heroes now.

So that incident with me
and the gun on the asteroid,

let's keep that under wraps, all right?

Miss Stamper.

Colonel Willie Sharp,
United States Air Force, ma'am.

Requesting permission to shake
the hand of the daughter...

of the bravest man I've ever met.

Hello.

- Oh, my God!
- Hi, you're my hero.

Oh, baby, I wanna have babies with you.

Welcome back, cowboy.

Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.

He did, huh?

♪ I could stay awake ♪

♪ Just to hear you breathin' ♪

♪ Watch you smile
while you are sleepin' ♪

♪ While you're far away
and dreamin' ♪

♪ I just wanna stay with you ♪

♪ In this moment forever ♪

♪ Forever and ever ♪

♪ I don't wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪

♪ 'Cause I miss you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss
a thing ♪

♪ 'Cause even when
I dream of you ♪

♪ The sweetest dream
would never do ♪

♪ I'd still miss you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss
a thing ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss
one smile ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss
one kiss ♪

♪ Well, I just wanna be
with you right here ♪

♪ With you
just like this ♪

♪ Well, I just wanna
hold you close ♪

♪ Feel your heart
so close to mine ♪

♪ And just stay here
in this moment ♪

♪ For all the rest of time ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪

♪ 'Cause I miss you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss
a thing ♪

♪ 'Cause even when I dream
of you ♪

♪ The sweetest dream
would never do ♪

♪ I'd still miss you, baby ♪

♪ And I don't wanna miss
a thing ♪

♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪

♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪

♪ Yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing ♪♪

♪ All my bags are packed
I'm ready to go ♪

♪ I'm standin' here
outside your door ♪

♪ I hate to wake you up
to say goodbye ♪

♪ But the dawn is breakin'
It's early morn ♪

♪ The taxi's waitin'
He's blowin' his horn ♪

♪ Already I'm ready
I'm so lonesome ♪

♪ I could die ♪

♪ So kiss me
and smile for me ♪

♪ Tell me
that you'll wait for me ♪

♪ Hold me like
you'll never let me go ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm leaving
on a jet plane ♪

♪ I don't know
when I'll be back again ♪

♪ Oh, babe
I hate to go ♪

♪ I'm leaving
on a jet plane ♪