All language subtitles for My.Name.Is.Earl.S03E10.1080p.WEBRip.x265-KONTRAST

My name is Earl.

Wow. I can't believe
you're gettin' out today.

You could earn some time-off
certificates too if you did
good things for the warden.

I'm in here
for 20 years, Earl.

That would mean I'd have
to spend 10 straight years
doin' good things.

Who's got that kind of time?

Hey, Earl.
Frank and I, Paco,
made this for you,

so you don't forget
your time in here, huh?

Thanks, guys.

Don't tell me you're here
to pick up Earl too.

You don't even have a car.
What's he gonna do,
ride bitch on your donkey?

No, if he wanted to ride bitch,
he'd climb on your back.

You look sweaty.
Is that from cleanin'
or strippin'?

Maybe if you had as many jobs
as you do illegitimate children,
you wouldn't live in a camper.

- No offense, Darnell.
- This is between
you two ladies.

Are you all here to watch
me and Earl do one of them
super-slow runnin' hugs...

like they did in that movie,
Cherries of Fire?

I've been practicing.

That's sweet.
I wish our boys
would bond as brothers.

They keep playin' this game
called "eye poke."

It's all fun until one of them
gets poked in the eye.

Hey, there he is.

[ Earl Narrating ] Finally,
it was the moment I'd been
workin' for all those months.

I was gonna be free.

Earl! Earl!
Earl! Earl!

Randy, calm down.
You're gonna piddle on the rug.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Ron. Open up.
I'm gettin' out today.

I brought you a caramel apple
because all the sweet stuff
is on the outside.

I've really been gettin'
into food metaphors lately.

Life's changed
since you've been
on the inside.

Earl, we-- we got a problem.
You're not on the list
of prisoners gettin' out today.

What?
And I hate to kick you
when you're down,

but you're also not
on the extra pudding list.

- What's the holdup?
- I gotta talk to the warden.

He's not
on the pudding list.

Earl, nobody loves pudding
more than me,

but you gotta pick your battles!

You shredded my certificates?
I thought you might
be cheesed off.

That's why I had 'em
shackle you. Look. I'm sorry,
but I'm not lettin' you out.

Now I know I should've
said something earlier,
but I tend to ignore problems.

You'd be surprised
how often they go away.

But we had a deal.
We shook on it, remember?

Both our hands were
a little damp, so they made
that farty noise and we giggled?

I know. But all the help
you've been givin' me
has made me look so competent.

Even my wife is impressed.
She is talkin' about letting me
get my own bank account.

I've done everything
you asked me to.
I'm supposed to go home today!

Oh, come on.
How about this
for a deal?

You scratch my back,
and...

my back won't itch.

Plus, I won't throw you
in solitary.

Deal?

Okay, deal.
[ Yells ]

Deal with that.
[ Whimpering ]

What's the point of shackles
if he can do that?

You can't do this.
I'm supposed to be free.

Look, I'll let you out
of solitary when you
agree to help me.

- [ Guard ] Hey, get in there!
- Well, what good are shackles
if he can do that?

Man, we haven't stood
outside a prison
this long...

since we went tailgatin'
at that guy's execution.

- Hey, for the record,
I was protesting.
- Whatever.

This is clearly
not happening.
Let's just get outta here.

Wait. You guys can't go.
We were gonna build
a human pyramid for Earl.

Now it's just gonna be
two people kneelin' next
to each other in a parking lot.

- That doesn't say
"Welcome home."
- [ Engine Starts ]

I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to go too.

If I don't get a seat on
the bus, I'm gonna have to
stand and hold the pole.

It just feels like work.

He's gonna hate
this pyramid.

[ Earl Narrating ]
The point of
solitary confinement...

is to break down
a prisoner's mental state...

by keepin' him alone in a box
24 hours a day.

Fortunately, state law said
that each week I had the right
to a weekly prayer service.

- Please kneel.
- Unfortunately, the warden
found a way around that law.

[ Priest ]
...is of vanity.
Amen.

I was also allowed
a daily shower...

and an hour of exercise.

- [ Roars ]
- Charging.

After a while,
I decided it was better
to just stay in my cell...

and find other ways
to fill my time.

And... reverse.

Double time.

I tried to keep my sanity
by developin' new hobbies.
Three words.

Movie.
First word:

"Eyes." Uh, "owl."

Uh, uh, "s-sleep"--

Uh, uh--
[ Stammering ]
"Sleepless"--

Sleepless in Seattle!
But that didn't work.

And after a few weeks,
my mind just took off
on its own.

Don't want it! You're just
tryin' to fatten me up
for Thanksgiving!

Well, nobody eats
Earl J. Turkey!

Gobble, gobble, gobble.
Geek, geek.
Gobble, gobble, gobble.

[ Scatting Classical March ]
* Brump, brump
brump-bump-bump *

* Brump, brump, brump-bump-bump,
Brump, brump
brump-bump-bump **

Hey, flutes, just once,
could you wait for my cue?

** [ Man Gibbering ]
[ No Audible Dialogue ]

** [ Gibbering Continues ]

Cuckoo!

Gobble, gobble, gobble.

Gobble?

You ready to play ball?
Yeah, but you might
have to carry me.

I've traded my legs in
for magic beans.

[ Whispering ]
I've disguised them as legs.

Shh.

Hey! You broke
just in time.

I need help gettin'
this place ready
for Christmas.

Hey, just because the prisoners
can't be with their families
for the holidays or get gifts...

or have the big Christmas dinner
doesn't mean they shouldn't have
Christmas spirit.

I-It's Christmas already?
Yeah--
Christmas 2010.

[ Laughs ]
Oh, I'm just kiddin'!

What, did you lose
your sense of humor in there?
[ Chuckles ]

Do you wanna lie down?
Do you wanna go stand
in the yard?

I wish I could
give you more options,
but ya are in prison.

Not for long.
What?

It's time to bust
outta this place.

[ Earl Narrating ]
I knew breakin' out of prison
was gonna be hard,

so I got
the old gang back together.

Sure. Sure, I'll help you
think of a way to escape.

As long as you guys don't
sic a dog on me and drag me
back in like last time.

Frank, again,
we're sorry about that.

Nah, I'm just kiddin'.
I'm over it. Look, I really
don't know how to break out,

but if you want a list
of stuff that doesn't work,
I'm your guy.

[ Earl Narrating ]
Frank had a lot to teach us.

Things like: if you're gonna
disguise yourself
as an infirmary nurse,

make sure you don't
look too pretty.

Female!
[ Yells ]

[ Grunts, Yelping ]

[ Earl Narrating ] Also, don't
try to sneak out when they
throw away the old mattresses.

[ Man Yelping ]
Got one.

[ Man ] * We gotta get out
of this place *
[ Laughing Loudly, Whoops ]

[ Earl Narrating ] Or,
if you do get over the fence,
don't take time to celebrate.

[ Whoops ]

We knew what didn't work.
Now we had to find
a plan that did.

So, while I was stuck doin'
the warden's errands, I kept
my eyes open for weak spots.

- I looked for loose drains.
- [ Water Gurgling In Distance ]

I even checked to see
if the fire alarm could create
a useful distraction.

* If it's the last thing
we ever do *
But that wasn't gonna work.

* We gotta get out
of this place *

* Girl, there's a better life *

* For me and you *
Finally, I found
a little opening.

Now I had to figure out
where that opening led.

* I know it, baby
You know it too **

It wasn't hard to find
the prison blueprints.

The warden got lost so much,
he had 'em laminated...

so he could take 'em with him
on the way to the bathroom.

The problem was gonna be
getting 'em back to the barracks
without anyone noticin'.

So if we go into that air duct,
we'll have a direct path--
[ Laughing ]

from that storage closet
to the loading dock,
and then, boom, we're outside.

Yeah, but gettin'
to the loading dock
is only half the battle.

We still have to get through
the front gate.
And then they search everything.

And I mean everything,
even coffins.

You know, I once spent
seven hours spooning
a dead guy for nothin'.

Well, if we can't
get past the front gate,
we're back to square one.

But, Earl, they don't
search everyone.

[ Earl Narrating ] While Randy
sometimes just says things to be
a part of the conversation,

this time he knew
what he was talkin' about.

Let 'em through.
I frisked a nun one time.
Got the runs for two weeks.

Could've been God.
Could've been a bad meatball.

Can't take any chances.

[ Earl Narrating ]
And since the prison had a mass
every Wednesday, I had a plan.

The other guys
thought it was a good one.

I think this escape
is the one that's
gonna work.

Well, I always say that,
but this time
I really mean it.

Yeah, and just in case
we need a little insurance--
[ Clears Throat ]

I made a zip gun.

But I only have
one bullet,

so hopefully all the guards'll
be standing in a line
at some point.

[ Yelps ]
Geez! Man!

[ Man In Distance ]
Hey, what's up?

[ Earl Narrating ]
After Frank melted down
all my bedsprings,

we had another bullet.

And, before we knew it,
it was Wednesday--
time to break out.

You're cheating.

What? No one calls me a cheater.
Now I'm gonna push you.

That's it. Knock it off.

You and you...

and you are comin' with me.

[ Earl Narrating ]
Things were in motion
inside the prison,

but we still needed some help
on the outside.

Luckily, my friends
were so mad about
the warden screwin' me over,

they were willin' to help.

I need a ride
to Planned Parenthood...

or some spiritual guidance
on whether or not
to keep my baby.

- Where's Father Tadone?
- He called in sick.

- Where's Sister Bernadette?
- She called in sick too.

We're a little suspicious
ourselves.

[ Narrating ] Usually, when a
guard leads you down a deserted
hallway, it's a bad thing.

Today it wasn't.

This is it. I'll see you
on the outside, Randy.

You just called me "Randy."
I'm nervous.

Not everyone's made out of steel
like you, Randy.

Damn it.
[ Pats Shoulder ]

[ Earl Narrating ]
From that moment on,
there was no turnin' back.

- [ Rat Squeaking ]
- Everything was workin' out,

but we still had to get into
the air vent that would lead
to the loading dock.

There it is.
Is everyone here?

Yep.
Yep.

-Yep.
-Randy, what are you doin' here?
You're gonna get in trouble.

Why? I'm allowed to go home.
They never said what route
I had to take.

- ** [ Gospel Organ Flourishes ]
- Shh. They're startin' up.
Let's go.

- Brothers and...
brothers dressed as sisters--
- [ Giggling ]

God's up there thinkin',
"Sure, I am all-powerful,

but I could still use
a little encouragement."

- [ Prisoners Affirming ]
- [ Tambourine Rattling ]

And if you give the Lord just
one little tiny "hey," he'll
give you 100 "hos" in return.

** [ Organ Continues ]

[ Chanting ]
* When I say Holy, you say Ghost
Holy *
* Ghost *

* Holy *
* Ghost *

* When I say butter
you say toast *

- * Butter, butter *
- * Toast, toast *

* When I say Springer
you say host *

- * Springer, Springer *
- * Host, host **

[ Earl Narrating ] Now that
things were loud, we could
make some noise of our own.

* Oh, Jesus, you're so fine
You're so fine
you blow my mind *

* Hey, Jesus, hey, Jesus *
* Hey, hey
Sing it with me **

** [ Chanting Continues
In Distance ]

Yeah!

[ Prisoners ]
* Hallelujah *

- * Say hallelujah *
- * Hallelujah **

** [ Call And Response
Continues In Distance ]

Hallelujah.

[ Metal Creaking ]

[ Yelps ]

Put the phone down.
I should've gone
for the gun.

Oh, crap. What do I do?
This is huge.
Think, Hickey.

Ha-ha-ha!
Oh, that's what that does.

You were probably lookin'
for this one. It says "Alarm."

Randy! Everybody be still
and let me figure out
what to do with our hostage.

Hostage?
What happened to us?
We used to be friends.

You shredded my certificates
and threw me in solitary.

Well, if it makes you
feel any better,
I missed you.

I used to peek through the slot
and watch you sleep sometimes.
Shut up!

[ Earl Narrating ]
While I was trying
to come up with a new plan,

Joy and Darnell were still busy
executin' the old one.

And their next step
was gettin' rid of the guard.

[ Groans Softly ]

Where the hell'd
you learn to do that?
It doesn't matter.

We have 14 minutes
and 36 seconds
before he wakes up.

Wait a second.
Did you use that on me
the other night...

when I was beggin'
for round two and then
mysteriously passed out?

- Sorry, baby.
I'm not a machine.
- [ Exhales ]

Well, it's been 10 minutes.
Have you thought
of anything yet?

I almost had an idea,
but now I lost it.
Thanks a lot.

That happens to me all the time.
Maybe I could scare it back.

- No, that's hiccups.
- I stand on my head
and drink water.

- That's neat. Try that, Earl.
- That's for hiccups too.

- Well, don't you
have hiccups?
- No.

What are we talkin'
about then?

Just thought of somethin'.
Take your clothes off.

[ Gasps ]

God, where the hell are they?
They should be here by now.

- I'm gonna go climb in the vent
and look for them.
- Really?

No one went in
to save my Uncle Clyde...

when he was unfairly
incarcerated for taking Licorice
from a candy store.

Licorice was his daughter.
He had every right to take her.

Be careful, baby.

- Hey, Frank, where's Earl?
- He and Randy
fell through the ceiling.

Poor kid tried flapping
his arms, but it just kept him
from protecting his face.

Never leave a man behind.
Civilians.

I can't do it, Randy.
I just can't do it.

We can't pretend
you're the warden
if you have a mustache.

So what's the big deal?
Mustaches are so 20 years ago.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah. By the time
you get out of here,

they'll be 40 years ago.

Yeah? Well, you
might not even see
the next 40 years.

[ Earl Narrating ]
I'd been holdin' in my anger
for a long time,

- but in that moment,
somethin' just snapped.
- [ Metal Creaking ]

Don't move--
any of ya!

[ Tone Squealing ]
Ah! That's the fax.

- [ Frank Yells ]
- Oh, thank God.

- Uh, excuse me. Where's
my husband and ex-husband?
- Uh, they're pretty screwed.

But don't worry.
Me and Paco can still escape.
Let's go. You're driving.

Hell, no. I'm wearin'
a nun dress and am thusly
powered by the wrath of God.

Damn, I'm even talkin' in Bible.

Uh, you know,
you're a strong woman,
and I admire that.

And I'm sorry
for what I'm about to do.

Holy crap.
You need to do
some groomin'.

Looks like a thimble
wearin' a clown wig
down there.

You know, Earl,
all you had to do
was play along.

You would have
been out of prison
in less than two years.

Now you're gonna
be stuck behind bars
for the rest of your life.

- Hey, Earl.
- Hey, Crabman.

Richard Jammer?

[ Earl Narrating ] Turns out,
the warden had another life
before he married the governor.

Hi. I'm the cable repairman.
I'm here to turn on your box.

Well, that's great,
'cause I'm tired of usin'
my rabbit ears.
[ Chuckles ]

[ Earl Narrating ]
And part of that life was
in Darnell's old apartment.

[ Man ]
Cut! Cut!
Who's this guy?

Hey, Harry, they're givin' us
500 bucks to film this in here.

Okay.
Oh, but let me put a cover
over Mr. Parrot's cage.

I don't wanna have to hear him
talkin' about this all night.

Warden, you okay?
What's goin' on?

[ Earl Narrating ] What was
goin' on was the warden was
thinkin' about how his past...

could ruin his wife's career...
and his marriage.

Nothing. Just a drill.

You know, you fellas
could shave a few seconds
off your response time.

Uh, these gentlemen
are just installing,
uh, some skylights,

and as for my clothes, well,
you happened to have caught me
in a moment of self-pleasure.

I would appreciate
your discretion.
That will be all.

[ Door Closes ]
Earl.

Nobody needs to know
about what you did today, son,

as long as nobody finds out
what I did in the '80s and...

that little comeback
in the '90s.

Deal?
Yeah.
Whoo!

[ Gunshot ]
[ Earl Narrating ]
Didn't add up.

What I deserved and what I got
were two separate things.

Still fine. Good hustle, though.

[ Alarm Buzzes ]
To keep me quiet, the warden
honored my certificates.

Of course, I was happy
to get out, but...

I couldn't shake
the feeling that somethin'
just didn't make sense.

All of us had done bad things,
but only two of us
were payin' for it.

Yeah! Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[ Man ]
* Yet I swear
I see my reflection *

- Catalina!
- [ Frank ]
Paco! Paco! No, no, no! Paco!

[ Paco Screaming ]

[ Siren Blares ]

Yeah.
* I see my light *

* Come shining *

* From the west unto the east *
[ Earl Narrating ]
I didn't understand.

Karma should've been
kickin' my ass, and instead
it was rewardin' me.

I couldn't explain it.
All I knew was--
* Any day now *

I was free.
* I shall be released **