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1
00:00:06,136 --> 00:00:09,444
♪
2
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:13,970
[imitating alarm]
3
00:00:16,886 --> 00:00:18,670
Nine more minutes.
4
00:00:18,714 --> 00:00:20,759
[continues imitating alarm]
5
00:00:22,196 --> 00:00:24,763
Oh, what the--
what the fuck?!
6
00:00:24,807 --> 00:00:26,200
-Where's my money?
-Huh?
7
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,550
-What fucking money?
-For services rendered?
8
00:00:28,593 --> 00:00:32,075
Last night? Your friend
Danny Poker owes me two grand.
9
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,599
What fucking sex act
on God's green earth
10
00:00:34,643 --> 00:00:36,862
could possibly cost
$2,000?
11
00:00:36,906 --> 00:00:39,648
-He diarrhea'd on my chest.
-Oh, yeah.
12
00:00:39,691 --> 00:00:41,389
-That adds up.
-Mm-hmm.
13
00:00:41,432 --> 00:00:42,868
It doesn't fucking matter.
I don't even know
14
00:00:42,912 --> 00:00:44,783
why I'm asking you
'cause money
15
00:00:44,827 --> 00:00:46,698
doesn't really mean anything
to you anymore, lady.
16
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:49,049
I hate to break it to you.
You're kind of--
17
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:50,702
you're fully dead.
18
00:00:50,746 --> 00:00:53,575
-[scoffs] What?
-You're fucking dead.
19
00:00:53,618 --> 00:00:56,186
And it looks like you took
a pretty bad tumble, too.
20
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,623
Your noodle's kind of hanging
out of your dome piece.
21
00:01:01,017 --> 00:01:02,888
What the fuck?
22
00:01:02,932 --> 00:01:04,977
That motherfucker
killed me?
23
00:01:05,021 --> 00:01:06,718
-Yeah.
-Oh, my God.
24
00:01:06,762 --> 00:01:09,156
It must've been when he tried
to throw me in the pool
25
00:01:09,199 --> 00:01:12,681
by the pussy and the asshole
like a goddamn bowling ball.
26
00:01:12,724 --> 00:01:15,901
Oh. Oh, I'll kill
that motherfucker.
27
00:01:15,945 --> 00:01:17,512
-That thin-dicked...
-Whoa, whoa, hold on!
28
00:01:17,555 --> 00:01:19,427
...brainless, crouton
motherfucker bitch!
29
00:01:19,470 --> 00:01:21,298
Let's just calm down here,
okay? Let-- let--
30
00:01:21,342 --> 00:01:23,126
Shh, shh, shh.
31
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,955
Oh, my God.
32
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,914
[gasps]
It's beautiful.
33
00:01:28,958 --> 00:01:30,873
Damn.
34
00:01:30,916 --> 00:01:34,006
Oh, poor baby
doesn't exist anymore.
35
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:35,617
What is that?
36
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,532
So remember on our way here,
I told our pilot
37
00:01:37,575 --> 00:01:39,360
to ignore
our "flight path"
38
00:01:39,403 --> 00:01:41,536
and just cut across America
so we'd get there in time
39
00:01:41,579 --> 00:01:43,407
for that sweet Cirque show
"Vagine"?
40
00:01:43,451 --> 00:01:45,105
Yeah, the shortcut.
41
00:01:45,148 --> 00:01:47,498
Yeah, well, it's kind of
like that, but for ghosts.
42
00:01:47,542 --> 00:01:50,240
-Whoa.
-When I saw that Amish ghost
43
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:51,850
go to his light
at my orgy,
44
00:01:51,894 --> 00:01:53,635
I was like,
"Holy shit.
45
00:01:53,678 --> 00:01:55,811
Now that's crazy."
46
00:01:55,854 --> 00:01:58,553
So I hired a bunch of nerds
to make the tech, and boom!
47
00:01:58,596 --> 00:02:00,642
Shortcut to the light,
my friend.
48
00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,035
-That's amazing.
-Yeah, no shit, all right?
49
00:02:03,079 --> 00:02:05,473
-So keep it to yourself.
-Yeah.
50
00:02:05,516 --> 00:02:07,388
Now, are you gonna stay in bed
all day, lazybones,
51
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,998
or are you gonna help me
bury this body?
52
00:02:09,041 --> 00:02:10,608
Sure.
53
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:13,263
But can we hit up that b-fast
bouffant first, though?
54
00:02:13,307 --> 00:02:15,483
I'm fucking starving.
55
00:02:15,526 --> 00:02:16,919
Don't be gauche, Pac.
56
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:20,183
You bury before brunch,
57
00:02:20,227 --> 00:02:21,924
-not brunch before bury.
-Brunch before bury.
58
00:02:21,967 --> 00:02:23,491
-I know, I'm sorry.
-Remember what I told you?
59
00:02:23,534 --> 00:02:25,580
-Yeah, bury before brunch...
-Bury before brunch,
60
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:27,190
that's a good hunch.
61
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,540
Brunch before bury,
now, that's not a very...
62
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:32,064
-good idea.
-Good thing to do.
63
00:02:32,108 --> 00:02:34,632
♪
64
00:03:07,622 --> 00:03:10,494
[imitates plane engine]
I'm coming in for a landing.
65
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:13,323
-[imitates tires screeching]
-Pac, where have you been?
66
00:03:13,367 --> 00:03:15,107
Who, me?
Oh, uh, nowhere.
67
00:03:15,151 --> 00:03:17,327
I just went for a weekend
to Vegas with Danny Pokertini.
68
00:03:17,371 --> 00:03:19,286
Dude, you could've
at least called, man.
69
00:03:19,329 --> 00:03:22,680
-I was really worried--
-[farting]
70
00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:25,640
Oh, God. Oh!
71
00:03:25,683 --> 00:03:27,555
Oh, man, I'm so sorry.
72
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:29,383
Oh, God, I've been holding
that in all morning.
73
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,558
Still in that stage
with each other
74
00:03:30,601 --> 00:03:32,037
where I kind of wanna keep
75
00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:33,517
a bit of the mystery
with Danny, you know?
76
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,215
Like, maybe at this point
he doesn't think
77
00:03:35,258 --> 00:03:36,694
I have a butthole.
And I'm cool with that, right?
78
00:03:36,738 --> 00:03:38,435
-He's so awesome.
-Jesus, what is that?
79
00:03:38,479 --> 00:03:40,524
Oh. Yeah, that stinks.
80
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:42,178
That's, uh--
that's whaledolphin.
81
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,745
It's where they stuff a dolphin
inside of a whale.
82
00:03:43,788 --> 00:03:44,920
It's kind of like turducken
except for
83
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,313
really,
really rich people.
84
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:47,662
Look, I'm glad that
you're enjoying
85
00:03:47,705 --> 00:03:49,272
the high life with Danny,
86
00:03:49,316 --> 00:03:50,969
but you've missed
about a week of work here.
87
00:03:51,013 --> 00:03:52,623
Do you have any idea
how awkward it's been for me?
88
00:03:52,667 --> 00:03:56,279
I promise he'll be here
any minute.
89
00:03:56,323 --> 00:03:57,672
Sorry.
90
00:04:00,544 --> 00:04:02,024
Come on, man!
It's like you don't even care
91
00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:03,982
-about the business anymore.
-I'm sorry.
92
00:04:04,026 --> 00:04:06,071
Did you just say it's like
I don't care about the business?
93
00:04:06,115 --> 00:04:07,943
-Yeah.
-Clyde, I am
94
00:04:07,986 --> 00:04:10,598
the fucking business!
95
00:04:10,641 --> 00:04:12,077
-Wow.
-Yeah.
96
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:14,341
I bet I could solve, like,
97
00:04:14,384 --> 00:04:16,647
20 ghost cases
in one day by myself.
98
00:04:16,691 --> 00:04:18,214
-Really?
-Yeah, really.
99
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:19,911
Why don't you just
stick to solving one?
100
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,217
-One?
-Just one.
101
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:22,914
-Piece of cake. What do you got?
-Here.
102
00:04:22,958 --> 00:04:25,700
Haunted kite kiosk at the corner
of East 10th and Avenue B.
103
00:04:25,743 --> 00:04:28,311
Oh, ye olde haunted
kite kiosk, huh?
104
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,095
No problem.
And how about while I'm at it,
105
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,575
I solve 19 more?
106
00:04:31,619 --> 00:04:33,490
[chuckles] You really think
you can do that?
107
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:36,276
I really
motherfucking do.
108
00:04:36,319 --> 00:04:38,190
That's how cocky I am.
109
00:04:38,234 --> 00:04:40,454
-[imitates explosion]
-Wow.
110
00:04:40,497 --> 00:04:41,890
Danny really rubbed off
on you, huh?
111
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,195
That was by mistake.
It was dark.
112
00:04:43,239 --> 00:04:45,372
-What?
-Nothing.
113
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:47,243
Now, if you'll excuse me,
114
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,159
I have 20 ghost cases
to solve by myself.
115
00:04:50,202 --> 00:04:52,553
And then you'll probably
apologize for doubting me,
116
00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:54,337
we will make up,
117
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,600
and maybe you'll have made
something delicious for dinner.
118
00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:00,212
♪
119
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,389
[knocking]
120
00:05:02,432 --> 00:05:04,304
Danny?
121
00:05:04,347 --> 00:05:06,436
Yo, Dan boy?
122
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:09,004
It's Pac! Hey, man.
123
00:05:09,047 --> 00:05:11,006
Listen, I was wondering
if, uh, maybe--
124
00:05:11,049 --> 00:05:13,574
maybe I could borrow that little
shortcut device thingy?
125
00:05:13,617 --> 00:05:14,705
You know,
the one you showed me?
126
00:05:14,749 --> 00:05:16,620
-[moans]
-Danny?
127
00:05:16,664 --> 00:05:18,448
Sounds like you're moving
up there or something.
128
00:05:18,492 --> 00:05:19,754
You need a hand
or anything?
129
00:05:19,797 --> 00:05:21,059
I got two capable ones
right here.
130
00:05:21,103 --> 00:05:22,365
[moaning]
131
00:05:22,409 --> 00:05:23,932
Oh, okay.
Scratch that.
132
00:05:23,975 --> 00:05:25,368
Sounds like you got
some help already.
133
00:05:25,412 --> 00:05:26,848
Think it's, like,
super-duper cool
134
00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:28,458
that you hired
a female mover, by the way.
135
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,765
You know, you're
so progressive like that.
136
00:05:30,808 --> 00:05:33,420
It's like of course females
can lift heavy shit
137
00:05:33,463 --> 00:05:35,639
just as well as men, right?
Like, duh!
138
00:05:35,683 --> 00:05:37,511
-[moaning continues]
-Oh, shit.
139
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,558
Oh, I think I found it.
It's right here!
140
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,821
Danny, I got it.
You think it's cool
141
00:05:43,865 --> 00:05:45,301
if I borrow it
for a couple hours?
142
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:48,043
-[moaning]
-Okay, how about this?
143
00:05:48,086 --> 00:05:50,088
Uh, how about
moan twice
144
00:05:50,132 --> 00:05:51,786
if it's cool
if I borrow it.
145
00:05:51,829 --> 00:05:53,701
[moans]
146
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,400
-[moans]
-Yes! Okay, awesome.
147
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,837
Thank you, Danny!
You're the best. [kisses]
148
00:05:59,881 --> 00:06:01,839
Hi there.
149
00:06:01,883 --> 00:06:03,885
-Hello, young man.
-Oh, my God.
150
00:06:03,928 --> 00:06:05,669
-You're the Quaker Oats guy.
-What?
151
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,541
Oh, man,
I grew up an orphan,
152
00:06:07,584 --> 00:06:09,325
so I'm very familiar
with your work.
153
00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,501
So, what is this, a maple
and brown sugar kind of thing?
154
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,590
Or is it more like
an Aunt Jemima rivalry or...?
155
00:06:13,634 --> 00:06:15,244
You know what?
Doesn't matter.
156
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:17,246
I'm Benjamin Franklin.
157
00:06:17,289 --> 00:06:19,553
You're the-- what,
the rice uncle?
158
00:06:19,596 --> 00:06:22,904
-I thought he was black.
-No! I'm Benjamin Franklin.
159
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:24,514
The guy on
the hundred dollar bill.
160
00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,255
Oh, okay. Yeah.
161
00:06:26,298 --> 00:06:27,996
I don't-- I don't see
a lot of those.
162
00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:30,128
Well, good sir,
that is of no consequence.
163
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:32,870
You see,
I require your help
164
00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:36,352
in proving a very important
scientific theory.
165
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,877
I hypothesized that--
166
00:06:39,921 --> 00:06:41,488
Beautiful.
167
00:06:43,664 --> 00:06:47,015
Ta-da!
Oh, this a kite?
168
00:06:47,058 --> 00:06:48,408
Thank you.
169
00:06:50,932 --> 00:06:52,412
Thank you.
170
00:06:52,455 --> 00:06:55,415
♪
171
00:06:55,458 --> 00:06:57,547
♪ It's money in the air,
can you feel it? ♪
172
00:06:57,591 --> 00:06:59,070
♪ Whichever way it blow,
173
00:06:59,114 --> 00:07:00,724
that's the way
I wheel and deal it ♪
174
00:07:00,768 --> 00:07:03,858
♪ See, blood chase cheese,
n-n-never chase women ♪
175
00:07:03,901 --> 00:07:07,470
♪ A bitch will bring you down,
ch-ch-chatter makes you bigger ♪
176
00:07:07,514 --> 00:07:09,559
♪ It's money in the air,
can you feel it? ♪
177
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:11,126
♪ Whichever way it blow,
178
00:07:11,169 --> 00:07:12,780
that's the way
I wheel and deal it ♪
179
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,739
♪ See, blood chase cheese,
n-n-never chase women ♪
180
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:19,221
♪ A bitch will bring you down,
ch-ch-chatter makes you bigger ♪
181
00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:22,311
♪ Do your boy gots any
slash gears for sale,
182
00:07:22,354 --> 00:07:25,357
dope for sale, some regular
if all else fails? ♪
183
00:07:25,401 --> 00:07:28,143
♪ Hell, can't you tell
I'm about my meal? ♪
184
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:31,407
♪ And I ain't worried about
jail, I'll come out, make bail ♪
185
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,279
♪ Look, I've been this ready
for a long, long time ♪
186
00:07:34,323 --> 00:07:35,716
♪ There's something vicious
in my blood
187
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:37,326
that makes me
grind, grind, grind ♪
188
00:07:37,369 --> 00:07:39,894
♪ Fresh, fresh out
of Pendleton, OSD ♪
189
00:07:39,937 --> 00:07:41,765
♪ Hit the bricks
and major lanes,
190
00:07:41,809 --> 00:07:43,332
started stacking
this cheese ♪
191
00:07:43,375 --> 00:07:46,291
♪ Put c-c-candy
on that '73 ♪
192
00:07:46,335 --> 00:07:49,294
♪ Wh-wh-white rally stripes,
yes, sir, that's me ♪
193
00:07:49,338 --> 00:07:51,993
♪ Fellas, cool as a breeze
as I blow with the wind ♪
194
00:07:52,036 --> 00:07:55,649
♪ And me and all my chips,
I'm 'bout to do it again ♪
195
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,651
-♪ Do it
-Ladies and gentlemen,
196
00:07:57,694 --> 00:07:59,217
step right up.
197
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:01,350
Watch as
the Fantastic Jeff
198
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,092
amazes you with
a never-before-seen illusion
199
00:08:04,135 --> 00:08:05,920
of the highest caliber.
200
00:08:05,963 --> 00:08:09,140
I-- I'll just need
a-- a volunteer.
201
00:08:09,184 --> 00:08:11,969
Uh, well,
how about you?
202
00:08:12,013 --> 00:08:13,884
Who, me?
203
00:08:13,928 --> 00:08:16,278
You're the only one who seems
to somehow be able to see me.
204
00:08:16,321 --> 00:08:18,715
Do you like magic?
205
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:21,413
I do like magic. In fact,
I have a trick right here
206
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,503
-I think you're gonna love.
-[imitates whip cracking]
207
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:26,114
I-- what?
208
00:08:31,119 --> 00:08:32,686
Okay, yeah.
209
00:08:32,729 --> 00:08:34,296
Bravo, Fantastic Jeff.
210
00:08:34,339 --> 00:08:35,819
That's a super neat-o trick
you got there,
211
00:08:35,863 --> 00:08:37,255
but I'm gonna need
that device back, man.
212
00:08:37,299 --> 00:08:38,866
-That's not even mine!
-Gladly.
213
00:08:38,909 --> 00:08:41,738
I just need some help
with something first.
214
00:08:41,782 --> 00:08:43,174
It's some business
215
00:08:43,218 --> 00:08:45,220
-I left unfinished.
-Unfinished? Yeah.
216
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,569
Shocker.
Okay, lay it on me.
217
00:08:46,613 --> 00:08:49,572
The year was 1989.
218
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:52,140
I was at the top
of my game.
219
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:55,578
The premier children's
birthday party magician
220
00:08:55,622 --> 00:08:58,233
in the entire
west Westchester region.
221
00:08:58,276 --> 00:09:00,757
-Good for you.
-Little boys wanted to be me
222
00:09:00,801 --> 00:09:03,847
and little girls wanted
the Little Mermaid,
223
00:09:03,891 --> 00:09:05,545
but the princesses
booked up real fast,
224
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:06,937
so sometimes
they got me instead,
225
00:09:06,981 --> 00:09:08,852
but they always wound up
enjoying themselves.
226
00:09:08,896 --> 00:09:10,680
The point is
227
00:09:10,724 --> 00:09:13,422
I was the best.
228
00:09:13,465 --> 00:09:16,120
And now
for my final illusion.
229
00:09:16,164 --> 00:09:20,429
I shall travel
through space and time.
230
00:09:20,472 --> 00:09:24,302
But first, I need a little help
from the birthday boy.
231
00:09:24,346 --> 00:09:26,174
Where-- where can I find--
[gasps]
232
00:09:26,217 --> 00:09:27,218
Master Gene.
233
00:09:27,262 --> 00:09:29,699
May I borrow your watch?
234
00:09:32,136 --> 00:09:34,617
[chuckling]
235
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:39,013
The best part
of this trick
236
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:41,406
was it wasn't just a hit
with the kids.
237
00:09:41,450 --> 00:09:44,496
It was also a hit
with the single moms.
238
00:09:44,540 --> 00:09:47,064
[chuckles]
You know what I mean.
239
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:50,415
[choking, gasping]
240
00:09:55,682 --> 00:09:57,422
[groans]
241
00:10:01,383 --> 00:10:03,559
♪
242
00:10:10,348 --> 00:10:13,787
[screaming]
243
00:10:13,830 --> 00:10:18,182
Young Gene never got to see
the end of that trick.
244
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:20,141
Sounds like we gotta track down
this Gene guy, right,
245
00:10:20,184 --> 00:10:21,751
perform the magic trick,
and we're done.
246
00:10:21,795 --> 00:10:23,405
-It's that easy.
-Yes.
247
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,060
But first,
we must find...
248
00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:27,757
the box.
249
00:10:27,801 --> 00:10:30,368
♪
250
00:10:30,412 --> 00:10:33,023
Look at that fucking
craftsmanship, will you?
251
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,460
It's fucking cardboard.
252
00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:37,419
Excuse me?
Hi.
253
00:10:37,462 --> 00:10:39,726
How much to rent out your box
for the night?
254
00:10:39,769 --> 00:10:42,119
Oh, I'm sorry.
It's already reserved.
255
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,687
Okay, well, do you perhaps
have something similar
256
00:10:44,731 --> 00:10:47,516
in a different color, maybe,
or a different material?
257
00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:50,606
-No.
-Levitating Luigi.
258
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,303
Tell her you're him.
259
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:55,567
[chuckles]
Where is my mind today?
260
00:10:55,611 --> 00:10:57,221
Uh, I'm such a dope.
261
00:10:57,265 --> 00:10:59,920
I do believe that box
is actually on hold for me.
262
00:10:59,963 --> 00:11:02,270
You see, I am the great
Levitating Luigi.
263
00:11:02,313 --> 00:11:04,315
You're Levitating Luigi,
264
00:11:04,359 --> 00:11:06,187
the floating king
of New York?
265
00:11:06,230 --> 00:11:09,886
Yes, that is me.
266
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:12,062
Sometimes I can't even
control it.
267
00:11:12,106 --> 00:11:15,762
Yeah, I'm gonna need to see
some identification.
268
00:11:15,805 --> 00:11:17,154
Yeah, that's reasonable.
269
00:11:17,198 --> 00:11:19,548
Um, unfortunately,
270
00:11:19,591 --> 00:11:23,117
my wallet seems to have
disappeared.
271
00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:25,075
A little magician's humor,
if you will.
272
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,990
-And I think you will.
-I won't.
273
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:29,340
If you're actually
Levitating Luigi--
274
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:31,299
-I am.
-Then prove it.
275
00:11:31,342 --> 00:11:33,214
Okay.
276
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:36,608
[inhales, clears throat]
277
00:11:36,652 --> 00:11:38,785
Uh.
278
00:11:38,828 --> 00:11:39,916
[exhales]
279
00:11:41,788 --> 00:11:44,399
-[groans]
-That's impressive.
280
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:46,488
-Mm-hmm.
-I believe you.
281
00:11:46,531 --> 00:11:49,012
♪
282
00:11:49,056 --> 00:11:51,188
Oh, this is great.
Hey, how are you?
283
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,800
Uh, I am making
a very special meal tonight
284
00:11:53,843 --> 00:11:56,759
and I would like to go with
your finest rib eye, please.
285
00:11:56,803 --> 00:11:57,978
Although,
you know what, hang on.
286
00:11:58,021 --> 00:11:59,762
I'm basically, like--
I want--
287
00:11:59,806 --> 00:12:02,069
I want it to look like I put
a lot of effort into this meal,
288
00:12:02,112 --> 00:12:03,723
like, almost
too much effort.
289
00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:06,029
So perhaps the filet
would be a better choice.
290
00:12:06,073 --> 00:12:07,727
Is that too romantic?
291
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,511
This is not like a romantic
type of engagement.
292
00:12:09,554 --> 00:12:12,557
Uh, perhaps the lamb
would be a better choice.
293
00:12:12,601 --> 00:12:15,386
The lamb.
Although,
294
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:18,650
does that have, like, unintended
biblical references at all?
295
00:12:18,694 --> 00:12:20,261
That's not
what I'm going for
296
00:12:20,304 --> 00:12:21,741
and I don't want him to read
too much into it.
297
00:12:21,784 --> 00:12:22,785
Basically,
I'm just looking for a meal
298
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,134
that I can throw
in his face.
299
00:12:24,178 --> 00:12:26,093
Not literally.
I obviously would like
300
00:12:26,136 --> 00:12:27,877
to enjoy the meal together
at a certain point,
301
00:12:27,921 --> 00:12:30,053
but I kind of want his reaction
just to be like,
302
00:12:30,097 --> 00:12:31,881
"Oh, shit!
I can't believe
303
00:12:31,925 --> 00:12:33,970
that I didn't follow through
with the thing that I, Pac,
304
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:35,755
so cockily promised
that I would.
305
00:12:35,798 --> 00:12:37,844
And, oh, my God, Clyde,
you made this amazing meal.
306
00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:39,933
It looks so amazing
and delicious and I'm so sorry.
307
00:12:39,976 --> 00:12:41,761
And I don't even like
Danny Poker.
308
00:12:41,804 --> 00:12:44,676
I just wanna fucking forget
that this thing ever happened.
309
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,374
Can we please
just fucking forget
310
00:12:46,417 --> 00:12:48,158
that it ever happened?!"
311
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:53,773
Fuck it, I'm gonna go
get some fish.
312
00:12:53,816 --> 00:12:55,687
♪
313
00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:03,739
There he is.
314
00:13:08,309 --> 00:13:10,093
Okay.
315
00:13:10,137 --> 00:13:11,703
-[bell jangles]
-[whistling]
316
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:14,576
-Can I help you?
-Yes, you can.
317
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:15,925
I'm looking for Gene.
318
00:13:15,969 --> 00:13:17,666
He just stepped
into his office.
319
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,450
Oh, good. Okay, well,
I'll just head right back there.
320
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:20,930
Oh, no. I'm sorry,
you can't go back there.
321
00:13:20,974 --> 00:13:22,671
He's on a very important
conference call.
322
00:13:22,714 --> 00:13:25,065
You're not listening to me.
America is way behind
323
00:13:25,108 --> 00:13:27,067
when it comes to
how we clean our anuses.
324
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:29,939
Now, the Italians
have just launched a bidet
325
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,333
that harnesses
car-washing technology
326
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:35,292
leaving the butthole so clean,
it's hairless.
327
00:13:35,336 --> 00:13:37,512
-Hairless, Bob!
-Uh, you know what?
328
00:13:37,555 --> 00:13:38,948
I'm just gonna go back there,
do a magic trick
329
00:13:38,992 --> 00:13:40,558
-real quick.
-No, no, no, no, no.
330
00:13:40,602 --> 00:13:43,518
-Gene hates magic.
-What? No!
331
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,868
-He loves magic.
-He hates magic?
332
00:13:45,912 --> 00:13:48,479
-Who hates magic?
-I just said.
333
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,090
Gene does.
He hates it.
334
00:13:50,133 --> 00:13:51,656
He won't sit through
a trick of any kind.
335
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:54,355
-[phone buzzing]
-Oh, sorry. Hang on, shut up.
336
00:13:54,398 --> 00:13:55,878
Oh, fuck.
337
00:13:55,922 --> 00:13:58,185
Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Uh, okay, great.
338
00:13:58,228 --> 00:13:59,795
Thank you for your help,
fuckface.
339
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:02,885
Hey, Danny!
What's going on, man?
340
00:14:02,929 --> 00:14:06,236
You know how when you're fucking
a chick without a condom
341
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,934
and you're
just about to pop
342
00:14:07,977 --> 00:14:09,631
and you say,
"Bitch, you on the pill?"
343
00:14:09,674 --> 00:14:11,328
And she says,
"Yeah, yeah, I'm on the pill.
344
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:12,982
I want you to come
inside me, Danny."
345
00:14:13,026 --> 00:14:15,376
And you do and then it feels
fucking great
346
00:14:15,419 --> 00:14:18,683
and then you get that call
nine months later,
347
00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:20,903
"Danny Poker,
you gave me herpes."
348
00:14:20,947 --> 00:14:22,383
Oh.
349
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:24,298
Bitch shouldn't have
trusted me, right?
350
00:14:24,341 --> 00:14:27,083
Yeah, that is not where
I thought that was going.
351
00:14:27,127 --> 00:14:29,346
Just like I shouldn't
have trusted you.
352
00:14:30,826 --> 00:14:32,654
Okay, Danny, listen.
Let me explain.
353
00:14:32,697 --> 00:14:34,177
I take you to Vegas,
354
00:14:34,221 --> 00:14:36,005
I let you help me
bury a body,
355
00:14:36,049 --> 00:14:38,355
I drank mimosas
with you at brunch,
356
00:14:38,399 --> 00:14:40,053
and this is
how you repay me.
357
00:14:40,096 --> 00:14:42,011
By stealing my shit!
358
00:14:42,055 --> 00:14:43,970
No, no, no,
I didn't steal your shit.
359
00:14:44,013 --> 00:14:47,234
-I was borrowing your shit.
-Listen to me very carefully,
360
00:14:47,277 --> 00:14:48,757
you piece of shit.
361
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,674
You're gonna return
my device right now
362
00:14:52,717 --> 00:14:54,241
or you're gonna be
a ghost.
363
00:14:54,284 --> 00:14:56,678
No, hold on. Danny,
you cut out there for a second.
364
00:14:56,721 --> 00:15:00,029
-What did you say?
-I said bring the device back.
365
00:15:00,073 --> 00:15:02,292
-I want you to bring it back.
-Oh, no, no, after that.
366
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:03,685
After that.
I heard that part.
367
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:05,469
I said
bring the device here
368
00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:08,516
or I'm gonna
fucking kill you!
369
00:15:08,559 --> 00:15:11,084
Ah. Oh.
370
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:13,651
'Kay.
371
00:15:16,132 --> 00:15:17,829
Ah, shut up a-your face.
372
00:15:17,873 --> 00:15:19,657
Ah ha,
get off-a the phone.
373
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,485
Buongiorno!
374
00:15:21,529 --> 00:15:23,923
I'm-a here to demonstrate
the new Italiano refrigeratore,
375
00:15:23,966 --> 00:15:26,099
the Leftover
Pasta Keeper 5000!
376
00:15:26,142 --> 00:15:28,492
You were just here a little--
dude, just get out of here.
377
00:15:28,536 --> 00:15:30,842
Donald, Donald,
that's enough, okay?
378
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,496
Why don't you go take
a cigarette break?
379
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:35,282
-You know I don't smoke.
-[speaking Italian] Mm-hmm.
380
00:15:35,325 --> 00:15:37,588
Well, if the Italians
are treating their fridges
381
00:15:37,632 --> 00:15:40,156
with the same inventive tenacity
as they are their toilets,
382
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,984
sweet mother of Mary,
I want in.
383
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:44,291
-Let me see what you got.
-Grazie mille.
384
00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:47,468
Allow me to demonstrate
some of its bellissimo features.
385
00:15:47,511 --> 00:15:50,601
-Please do.
-The Leftover Pasta Keeper 5000
386
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:53,561
is all about making your life
easier, more beautiful.
387
00:15:53,604 --> 00:15:54,605
La dolce vita
for you, huh?
388
00:15:54,649 --> 00:15:56,216
-You like?
-Yeah.
389
00:15:56,259 --> 00:15:58,000
Now, what would you say
if I tell you that this fridge
390
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:00,263
can tell you how much milk
you have left?
391
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:03,484
Well, I would be very interested
to hear how it can do that.
392
00:16:03,527 --> 00:16:04,615
I bet you would.
393
00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:06,313
Now, I could
just tell you,
394
00:16:06,356 --> 00:16:08,358
but I'm Italian
and we love the theater.
395
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:10,882
We love il teatro,
so I'm gonna show you.
396
00:16:10,926 --> 00:16:13,494
I just need
to borrow your watch.
397
00:16:13,537 --> 00:16:15,583
-Uh...
-Your watch, your watch.
398
00:16:15,626 --> 00:16:17,454
-I borrow your watch.
-Okay, all right, all right.
399
00:16:17,498 --> 00:16:18,847
And this is gonna
help you show me
400
00:16:18,890 --> 00:16:20,066
how the fridge keeps track
of my milk?
401
00:16:20,109 --> 00:16:22,764
Oh, siì.
I take your watch,
402
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:24,505
which I borrow.
403
00:16:24,548 --> 00:16:27,116
I come over here and I step
inside of the magic box--
404
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,075
-step inside of the fridge!
-Wait, what the hell?
405
00:16:29,118 --> 00:16:31,077
-I step inside of the fridge.
-What? No. I'm sorry. No.
406
00:16:31,120 --> 00:16:32,992
No magic, no magic. What are you
trying to pull over here?
407
00:16:33,035 --> 00:16:34,428
Do you wanna hear
about the milk or not?
408
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:36,169
I would like to hear
about milk, not magic.
409
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:37,779
-[speaking Italian]
-You!
410
00:16:37,822 --> 00:16:39,781
You're a lying,
thieving magician!
411
00:16:39,824 --> 00:16:42,218
-Aha!
-This man has stolen my act.
412
00:16:42,262 --> 00:16:46,222
I am the real
Levitating Luigi.
413
00:16:46,266 --> 00:16:49,051
Oh, shart, no.
Listen, hey, Luigi, buddy?
414
00:16:49,095 --> 00:16:50,879
I-- I didn't--
I didn't steal your act.
415
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,620
Hey, hey, I thought you said
you were Italian.
416
00:16:52,663 --> 00:16:54,448
-Aha!
-Well, I did.
417
00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:56,319
I did say that,
but, guys, this--
418
00:16:56,363 --> 00:16:58,321
this is not
what it seems, okay?
419
00:16:58,365 --> 00:17:02,195
Oh, so you're saying
it's an illusion?
420
00:17:02,238 --> 00:17:03,805
-[gasps]
-Whoa!
421
00:17:03,848 --> 00:17:06,068
Did you see that? Hoo!
422
00:17:06,112 --> 00:17:07,852
Did you really pull that
out of your hat?
423
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:10,290
Ow! Fart!
424
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,161
What was that?
425
00:17:15,991 --> 00:17:17,471
Ah.
426
00:17:17,514 --> 00:17:19,560
Impressive.
427
00:17:19,603 --> 00:17:22,389
Perhaps
I underestimated you.
428
00:17:22,432 --> 00:17:24,260
Perhaps you did.
429
00:17:24,304 --> 00:17:26,175
Ha!
430
00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:28,221
Cha, cha!
431
00:17:28,264 --> 00:17:30,614
What? Ow, ow!
432
00:17:30,658 --> 00:17:32,747
Dude, ow! Okay, dude, I think
you scratched my cornmeal.
433
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,749
Stop, stop, stop.
434
00:17:34,792 --> 00:17:36,359
♪
435
00:17:42,365 --> 00:17:44,063
Ha! Oh, fuck.
436
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:08,652
-Fuck.
-[grunts]
437
00:18:08,696 --> 00:18:10,872
[chuckles]
438
00:18:10,915 --> 00:18:13,353
-[gags]
-Are you gonna throw up?
439
00:18:29,847 --> 00:18:32,285
-Ah!
-[muttering]
440
00:18:32,328 --> 00:18:34,374
No, no. No, Luigi!
441
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:36,332
[grunts, coughs]
442
00:18:36,376 --> 00:18:38,943
-[grunts]
-[groans]
443
00:18:38,987 --> 00:18:41,250
I catch you
stealing my act again,
444
00:18:41,294 --> 00:18:43,034
I will fucking kill you.
445
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,213
-[grunts]
-[groans]
446
00:18:47,256 --> 00:18:50,041
I was already down,
you dick.
447
00:18:50,085 --> 00:18:52,696
Oh, Gene.
448
00:18:52,740 --> 00:18:54,350
-Gene?
-What?
449
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,396
Gene, I got
a confession to make.
450
00:18:56,439 --> 00:19:00,182
[grunts] I am not an Italian
refrigerator salesman.
451
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:02,010
Yeah, I know.
452
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,100
-You're a magician.
-Nope, nope.
453
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,842
No, I'm not that either.
[groans]
454
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:09,322
[coughs]
455
00:19:09,365 --> 00:19:12,847
I'm, uh--
I'm actually a medium.
456
00:19:12,890 --> 00:19:15,284
And I'm here with the ghost
of Fantastic Jeff.
457
00:19:15,328 --> 00:19:17,721
Is that ringing
any bells?
458
00:19:17,765 --> 00:19:20,420
-What?
-Yeah, he was trying
459
00:19:20,463 --> 00:19:22,639
to perform a magic trick
at your birthday party
460
00:19:22,683 --> 00:19:25,294
when he took your watch
into that box
461
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:28,906
and then he tried to travel
through space and time.
462
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:30,908
But he died before he could
finish the trick
463
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:35,217
and now his ghost can't
move on until he does.
464
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:38,438
But-- no,
that's not possible.
465
00:19:38,481 --> 00:19:39,961
No, this is all a prank.
466
00:19:40,004 --> 00:19:42,093
That incident,
it's in public records.
467
00:19:42,137 --> 00:19:43,747
You could've accessed that
very easily.
468
00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:46,097
Yeah, ghosts, they're about
as real as magic.
469
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,751
[sighs]
470
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,492
So can you just give me
my watch back
471
00:19:49,536 --> 00:19:50,798
and leave my store,
please?
472
00:19:50,841 --> 00:19:52,452
I...
473
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,545
Oh, shit. I think--
I think Luigi took it.
474
00:19:58,588 --> 00:19:59,720
All right, you know what?
That's it.
475
00:19:59,763 --> 00:20:01,939
I'm calling the cops.
476
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:04,203
♪
477
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:08,250
May I borrow your watch?
478
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:09,295
How?
479
00:20:12,036 --> 00:20:13,299
You see that?
480
00:20:13,342 --> 00:20:15,910
[beeping]
481
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:18,129
That's what I was
looking for.
482
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:21,872
Thank you.
483
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:23,526
Wait, wait, wait!
No, what about my thing?
484
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,746
If I don't get that back,
Danny will kill me!
485
00:20:25,789 --> 00:20:30,316
Left breast pocket!
486
00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:32,361
Oh, yes.
487
00:20:32,405 --> 00:20:34,233
Oh.
488
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,451
[kisses]
489
00:20:35,495 --> 00:20:37,323
♪
490
00:20:40,891 --> 00:20:43,981
[knocking]
Danny, it's Pac.
491
00:20:44,025 --> 00:20:45,331
Please don't kill me,
Danny Poker.
492
00:20:45,374 --> 00:20:46,897
I just wanted
to borrow it
493
00:20:46,941 --> 00:20:48,464
so I could solve a bunch
of ghost cases in one day
494
00:20:48,508 --> 00:20:49,813
and prove to Clyde
that I can do it without him,
495
00:20:49,857 --> 00:20:52,033
you know?
I mean, is that so crazy?
496
00:20:52,076 --> 00:20:53,295
But I did it.
497
00:20:53,339 --> 00:20:55,166
I solved, like,
20 cases in one day.
498
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,646
It was amazing.
499
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:58,431
And then this fucking
ghost magician
500
00:20:58,474 --> 00:21:00,215
took the thing hostage
and I lost control,
501
00:21:00,259 --> 00:21:02,130
and I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
502
00:21:02,173 --> 00:21:05,786
-20 cases in one day?
-Yeah, maybe more. I don't know.
503
00:21:05,829 --> 00:21:07,266
I don't remember
right now
504
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:08,702
because I'm so fucking
scared, Danny.
505
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:11,661
But I made--
I made a lot of money.
506
00:21:11,705 --> 00:21:13,707
Look, I understand
if you need to kill me, Danny.
507
00:21:13,750 --> 00:21:15,491
I get it.
But from one friend to another,
508
00:21:15,535 --> 00:21:18,364
I'm asking you,
please just do it quick
509
00:21:18,407 --> 00:21:19,930
and then send me into the light
with your device
510
00:21:19,974 --> 00:21:23,020
-so I don't have to be a ghost.
-Pac.
511
00:21:23,064 --> 00:21:27,111
You know, I feel like
maybe I overreacted earlier.
512
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:29,636
What?
What'd you say?
513
00:21:29,679 --> 00:21:31,333
Well, we all
make mistakes, right?
514
00:21:31,377 --> 00:21:33,770
-Yeah.
-Once, I accidentally
515
00:21:33,814 --> 00:21:35,946
pushed "yes" on the checkout
thing at Whole Foods
516
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:37,687
when it asked if you wanna
donate a dollar
517
00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,646
to that kids' cancer fund.
518
00:21:39,689 --> 00:21:42,779
Oh. Oh,
it's the worst, right?
519
00:21:42,823 --> 00:21:46,130
20 ghost cases in one day
is pretty fucking good.
520
00:21:46,174 --> 00:21:47,610
It's pretty
fucking good.
521
00:21:51,875 --> 00:21:54,269
What do you say you and me
go into business together?
522
00:21:59,883 --> 00:22:06,890
♪
38115
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