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1
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,485
♪
2
00:00:07,529 --> 00:00:09,444
Oh, man,
I'm fucking starving.
3
00:00:09,487 --> 00:00:11,750
Ugh, I know, man.
Orgies always make me ravenous.
4
00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,274
Oh, shit, that's right.
How'd that go?
5
00:00:13,317 --> 00:00:15,319
It was, uh--
6
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,147
-it would've been good.
-Oh.
7
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:19,149
-No, no, no!
-What the fuck?
8
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,499
Take care with that,
you peons!
9
00:00:21,543 --> 00:00:23,588
That's a priceless
family heirloom!
10
00:00:23,632 --> 00:00:25,677
[chuckles]
11
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:27,505
You there.
12
00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:28,724
You can see me,
can't you?
13
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:30,726
♪
14
00:00:30,769 --> 00:00:32,945
-Hey, what's up?
-Huh?
15
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,643
Sir? Sir!
16
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:36,340
If you have
to take a shit so bad,
17
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,386
why didn't you just
use the Starbucks back there?
18
00:00:38,429 --> 00:00:39,735
Ah, they got cold seats.
I don't like it.
19
00:00:39,778 --> 00:00:41,128
You could've used
the Sbarro,
20
00:00:41,171 --> 00:00:42,607
but they have that weird
token system, right?
21
00:00:42,651 --> 00:00:44,696
Please, sir,
I demand that you halt!
22
00:00:44,740 --> 00:00:46,611
Let's just hurry up.
Come on.
23
00:00:46,655 --> 00:00:48,613
-The lines are always long.
-I have a meaty
24
00:00:48,657 --> 00:00:51,051
proposition for you.
25
00:00:55,229 --> 00:00:57,753
♪
26
00:01:27,609 --> 00:01:29,350
Oh, man!
27
00:01:29,393 --> 00:01:31,482
This burger
is so fucking delicious.
28
00:01:31,526 --> 00:01:33,049
My mouth is watering
while I'm eating it.
29
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,529
I didn't know
that was possible.
30
00:01:34,572 --> 00:01:36,139
-Why aren't you eating?!
-I don't know.
31
00:01:36,183 --> 00:01:37,662
I want to so bad.
32
00:01:37,706 --> 00:01:40,056
[chuckles]
I know why.
33
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:43,581
Because you're in the presence
of Beatrix II,
34
00:01:43,625 --> 00:01:45,757
Duchess of Stoubridge.
35
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:47,759
So the only thing
you're hungry for...
36
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:51,546
-No.
-...are my sweet juices.
37
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:53,809
Oh, God. Okay, Clyde,
a ghost followed us home.
38
00:01:53,852 --> 00:01:55,376
I'm sorry.
I've been hiding it from you.
39
00:01:55,419 --> 00:01:57,160
I had been trying to ignore her
like Danny Poker would,
40
00:01:57,204 --> 00:01:58,596
but she's fully naked
41
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:02,078
and it is very, very hard
to look away.
42
00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:04,298
There's a naked ghost
in this apartment right now?
43
00:02:04,341 --> 00:02:05,821
Yeah.
44
00:02:05,864 --> 00:02:08,650
-How naked is she?
-She's the kind of naked
45
00:02:08,693 --> 00:02:10,956
that leaves absolutely nothing
to the imagination,
46
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,393
but you kind of wish
that some parts were covered
47
00:02:12,436 --> 00:02:13,742
so you could
imagine them instead.
48
00:02:13,785 --> 00:02:15,178
That's so fucking hot.
49
00:02:15,222 --> 00:02:18,877
Mm, you're so round
and pale.
50
00:02:18,921 --> 00:02:20,052
That's very nice.
51
00:02:20,096 --> 00:02:21,532
Um, would you mind
getting up
52
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,055
because, uh, you're
smothering my fries
53
00:02:23,099 --> 00:02:24,753
-with your royal buttress.
-Oh! No!
54
00:02:24,796 --> 00:02:27,103
-Uh, please stay there!
-Don't. Clyde.
55
00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,192
-No, Clyde, don't! Ugh.
-[giggling]
56
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:30,715
No, Clyde!
Oh, don't--
57
00:02:30,759 --> 00:02:32,152
did you just rub it
in her puss?
58
00:02:33,544 --> 00:02:34,763
It definitely
adds something...
59
00:02:34,806 --> 00:02:36,504
-different.
-Oh, my God, Clyde.
60
00:02:36,547 --> 00:02:38,158
You're making this so much
harder than it has to be.
61
00:02:38,201 --> 00:02:39,550
Okay, you know what?
Why don't you just tell me
62
00:02:39,594 --> 00:02:41,552
-what it is you want?
-Mm, I like a lord
63
00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:43,511
-who really gets down to it.
-Great.
64
00:02:43,554 --> 00:02:45,861
Well, you see, I was having
my portrait done
65
00:02:45,904 --> 00:02:47,428
by a very fine painter.
66
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:49,908
But when he showed it to me,
it was so dreadful!
67
00:02:49,952 --> 00:02:52,084
-It looked nothing like me!
-Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:52,128 --> 00:02:54,217
I was so taken aback
that I choked
69
00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:56,045
on the handful of figs
I was eating.
70
00:02:56,088 --> 00:02:57,568
-Did you?
-I need someone
71
00:02:57,612 --> 00:02:59,135
to fix this monstrosity
72
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,615
before anyone else
lays eyes on it.
73
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:02,051
Mm-hmm, okay, great.
74
00:03:02,094 --> 00:03:04,184
Do you have any idea
where this painting is?
75
00:03:04,227 --> 00:03:06,534
Smotherbee's.
It's being auctioned off today.
76
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:09,058
55 and 60.
77
00:03:09,101 --> 00:03:10,102
Anyone, 60?
78
00:03:10,146 --> 00:03:11,800
60.
79
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:13,062
I have 60.
80
00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:15,673
And sold
to the gentleman
81
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,458
with the off-putting
facial hair.
82
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:20,243
[clears throat]
83
00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:22,941
Next up,
the Duchess of Stoubridge,
84
00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:24,856
a 16th-century
portrait...
85
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,684
Wait till you see
this monstrosity.
86
00:03:26,728 --> 00:03:27,859
It's appalling.
87
00:03:27,903 --> 00:03:29,818
No resemblance
whatsoever.
88
00:03:29,861 --> 00:03:32,734
...with this portrait
that upon her first viewing
89
00:03:32,777 --> 00:03:34,910
she choked to death
on a handful of figs.
90
00:03:34,953 --> 00:03:36,390
Are you serious?
91
00:03:36,433 --> 00:03:37,956
You must be jesting.
92
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:39,262
It's a nightmare!
93
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:41,090
Look under my face!
94
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:44,267
I gotta say, it's, uh--
it's pretty spot-on.
95
00:03:44,311 --> 00:03:45,834
-One chin?
-Yeah.
96
00:03:45,877 --> 00:03:48,271
One chin? What am I,
a fucking peasant?!
97
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,578
Okay. All right, shut up.
I'll fix it.
98
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,928
-Is that her?
-Yeah.
99
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:55,060
Now can you see why I have
a hard time eating around her?
100
00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:59,064
Yeah. It's hard to eat
with a diamond-hard boner.
101
00:03:59,108 --> 00:04:01,980
And we'll start the bidding
at 50,000.
102
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,547
I have 50,000.
103
00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:05,245
-Do I hear 60?
-Fuck me.
104
00:04:05,288 --> 00:04:07,421
-65?
-As you wish, my lord.
105
00:04:07,464 --> 00:04:09,553
-No.
-Ride me hard
106
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:11,555
and put me away wet.
107
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:13,078
You're
such a pervert! No!
108
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,819
I meant how the fuck
am I gonna pay for that?
109
00:04:14,863 --> 00:04:16,604
Are you not royalty?
110
00:04:16,647 --> 00:04:19,084
Well, I have
the bank account of a...
111
00:04:19,128 --> 00:04:21,652
somebody from your time
who ate garbage probably.
112
00:04:21,696 --> 00:04:23,915
I have 75.
Do I hear 80?
113
00:04:23,959 --> 00:04:26,788
I have 80 from one foot
in the grave.
114
00:04:26,831 --> 00:04:28,311
Do I hear 90?
115
00:04:28,355 --> 00:04:30,792
I have 90
from the gentleman...
116
00:04:30,835 --> 00:04:32,402
-Uh...
-...fashionably late
117
00:04:32,446 --> 00:04:34,317
to the argyle party.
118
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,711
100 from one foot
in the grave.
119
00:04:36,754 --> 00:04:38,234
-Do I hear 110?
-What-- I don't...
120
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:41,106
Going once, going twice,
121
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:43,544
-and sold for 100,000...
-Shit!
122
00:04:43,587 --> 00:04:45,502
...to a man
who will barely enjoy it
123
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,069
before he dies.
124
00:04:47,112 --> 00:04:48,636
Great, what the fuck
am I gonna do now?
125
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:49,898
Here.
126
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:54,206
Let me get your creative
juices flowing.
127
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,078
No. Ugh.
128
00:04:57,471 --> 00:04:59,560
-Mm.
-Oh, shit, stop.
129
00:04:59,603 --> 00:05:01,562
Does that give you
any big ideas?
130
00:05:01,605 --> 00:05:03,955
No, just nausea.
131
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:05,435
-Really?
-Yeah.
132
00:05:05,479 --> 00:05:06,654
That's odd.
133
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:08,395
In my experience,
134
00:05:08,438 --> 00:05:11,702
there's nothing a face
full of fruit can't solve.
135
00:05:11,746 --> 00:05:13,617
[knocking on door]
136
00:05:17,273 --> 00:05:19,319
Hey, how you doing, sir?
137
00:05:19,362 --> 00:05:21,712
I'm Jack Slenderson
with Smotherbee's.
138
00:05:21,756 --> 00:05:23,453
We just want
to congratulate you
139
00:05:23,497 --> 00:05:25,107
on your winning bid
this afternoon,
140
00:05:25,150 --> 00:05:27,022
and as a token
of our appreciation,
141
00:05:27,065 --> 00:05:28,415
wanted you to have
142
00:05:28,458 --> 00:05:30,547
this extremely large
edible arrangement.
143
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:32,897
-Well, thank you.
-Does the foyer work?
144
00:05:32,941 --> 00:05:34,159
Yeah.
145
00:05:34,203 --> 00:05:35,596
♪
146
00:06:16,245 --> 00:06:18,029
[exhales]
147
00:06:18,073 --> 00:06:19,814
Ah.
[inhales]
148
00:06:19,857 --> 00:06:21,685
Mm.
149
00:06:25,689 --> 00:06:27,474
[door closes]
150
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,047
What the fuck?
151
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:43,577
Holy shit,
a cat burglar.
152
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:44,926
Oh, fuck this shit.
153
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,843
Damn it!
154
00:06:48,886 --> 00:06:50,279
It's the fruit.
It was the fruit!
155
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:51,889
I was aiming
at your face.
156
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,456
What is that?
What are you...
157
00:06:53,500 --> 00:06:55,458
Whoa, what's that?
158
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:56,851
All right, you done?
159
00:06:56,894 --> 00:06:58,635
Listen to me,
buddy. Hey!
160
00:06:58,679 --> 00:07:00,681
There's only one exit
out of here and it's behind me.
161
00:07:00,724 --> 00:07:01,943
So I'm gonna give you
to the count of three
162
00:07:01,986 --> 00:07:03,466
to give me that fucking
painting back,
163
00:07:03,510 --> 00:07:04,467
you piece of shit.
164
00:07:04,511 --> 00:07:06,382
One,
165
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:07,905
two...
166
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:09,298
I can't tell
your ethnicity.
167
00:07:09,341 --> 00:07:10,517
Maybe you need me
to count in Spanish.
168
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,127
Uno,
169
00:07:12,170 --> 00:07:13,607
dos...
170
00:07:13,650 --> 00:07:16,000
♪
171
00:07:16,044 --> 00:07:18,873
[coughing]
172
00:07:18,916 --> 00:07:20,831
Whoa.
173
00:07:20,875 --> 00:07:22,529
Disappear
without a tres.
174
00:07:25,619 --> 00:07:27,708
-Mm!
-Hey, how'd it go?
175
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,231
Really bad.
176
00:07:29,274 --> 00:07:31,276
I got into a dogfight
with a cat burglar.
177
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:32,843
And, what, he ate all the fruit
off your body?
178
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:35,193
No, Clyde, I'm telling you
I got robbed.
179
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,108
You just let a guy
steal the painting
180
00:07:37,152 --> 00:07:38,588
like a bitch? Like, there was
no scuffle or anything?
181
00:07:38,632 --> 00:07:40,198
Did you just call me
a bitch?
182
00:07:40,242 --> 00:07:41,504
I didn't fucking hand it over
like a bitch.
183
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:42,723
There was a big scuffle.
184
00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,159
I threw some shit at him
really hard.
185
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:45,377
-Nice.
-Yeah!
186
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:46,770
Dirtied up his shoe
real good.
187
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,077
-Oh.
-Yeah, he was pretty pissed
188
00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:50,208
while he was
wiping off his shoe
189
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,080
with that stupid
gargoyle hanky.
190
00:07:52,123 --> 00:07:53,908
-What's a gargoyle hanky?
-It's a gargoyle-- a hanky.
191
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,387
You know, you pull it
out of your pocket,
192
00:07:55,431 --> 00:07:56,737
blow your nose in it,
fold over a corner,
193
00:07:56,780 --> 00:07:58,173
-put it back in.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah,
194
00:07:58,216 --> 00:07:59,391
but it had a winged demon
on it or...?
195
00:07:59,435 --> 00:08:00,610
No, it's got--
196
00:08:00,654 --> 00:08:01,742
what's that pattern
called
197
00:08:01,785 --> 00:08:03,047
where it makes me
horny and dizzy?
198
00:08:03,091 --> 00:08:04,440
-Argyle.
-Gargyle, gargyle!
199
00:08:04,484 --> 00:08:06,311
-Gargyle.
-No, no, an argyle handkerchief
200
00:08:06,355 --> 00:08:07,835
is what you're talking about.
Oh! Like the guy
201
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,793
-from the auction.
-You're talking about
202
00:08:09,837 --> 00:08:11,273
-the hat tipper?
-Yeah.
203
00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:12,709
Holy shit,
do you think he was mad
204
00:08:12,753 --> 00:08:13,841
'cause he didn't win
the auction?
205
00:08:13,884 --> 00:08:15,320
-Maybe.
-Fuck.
206
00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:17,801
Or maybe
he never wanted to win.
207
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,934
What are we having
for dinner?
208
00:08:19,977 --> 00:08:21,849
Fuck.
209
00:08:21,892 --> 00:08:23,938
Maybe he was
bumping up the bid
210
00:08:23,981 --> 00:08:26,244
to increase the market value
of the painting
211
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,333
-before he stole it.
-Shit.
212
00:08:28,377 --> 00:08:29,900
That sounds
pretty smart.
213
00:08:29,944 --> 00:08:32,294
It also explains
why he felt so confident
214
00:08:32,337 --> 00:08:34,078
doing that gay
hat tip.
215
00:08:34,122 --> 00:08:36,298
Okay, so...
216
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,821
how do we catch
an art thief?
217
00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:40,955
We just need
the right kind of bait.
218
00:08:40,998 --> 00:08:43,479
-[clears throat]
-And so...
219
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:44,741
the couple who have not
220
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:47,004
gone down on each other
in a decade...
221
00:08:47,048 --> 00:08:48,484
Beg pardon.
Beg pardon.
222
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,704
Beg pardon. Beg pardon.
[clears throat]
223
00:08:50,747 --> 00:08:53,010
-Oh, what a magnificent jacket.
-Good day, ma'am.
224
00:08:53,054 --> 00:08:54,925
Wow, is that retriever?
225
00:08:54,969 --> 00:08:57,014
May I caress it again?
226
00:08:57,058 --> 00:08:58,494
Again.
227
00:08:58,538 --> 00:09:00,452
Remember, we don't bid
until he does.
228
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:01,845
-Okay?
-Yeah.
229
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:05,109
And we'll open the bidding
at 150,000.
230
00:09:05,153 --> 00:09:07,372
I have 150.
Do I hear 200?
231
00:09:07,416 --> 00:09:10,027
I have 200.
Can I get 225?
232
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,116
Present!
Ahem, present!
233
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,640
I have 225
234
00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,598
for the penguin brothers.
235
00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,469
Can I get 250? 250!
236
00:09:17,513 --> 00:09:19,602
300?
237
00:09:19,646 --> 00:09:20,908
350?
238
00:09:20,951 --> 00:09:22,779
400.
239
00:09:22,823 --> 00:09:25,303
450. 500.
240
00:09:25,347 --> 00:09:26,740
500 to you, sir.
241
00:09:26,783 --> 00:09:29,830
No? Sir, you're bidding
against yourself.
242
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:31,571
500.
243
00:09:31,614 --> 00:09:34,138
Going once,
going twice, and sold
244
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:37,838
to the gentlemen who appear
to be in disguise.
245
00:09:37,881 --> 00:09:38,969
-Oh.
-Who?
246
00:09:39,013 --> 00:09:41,102
[guffawing]
247
00:09:49,501 --> 00:09:53,462
So with tax, your total
comes to $670,000.
248
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:54,855
Cash or credit?
249
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:56,552
[clears throat]
250
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,859
Well, the dilemma
I'm coming up against is, uh,
251
00:09:58,902 --> 00:10:00,425
I only seem to have
252
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,166
a couple hundred thousand
on me in my wallet.
253
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:03,820
-Do you take credit?
-Of course.
254
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:06,127
-If I could just get that card.
-Indubitably.
255
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,783
-No!
-[machine beeps]
256
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,394
-[beeps]
-Our system seems
257
00:10:12,437 --> 00:10:14,048
to be down
at the moment.
258
00:10:14,091 --> 00:10:15,658
Well, if that's not a kick
in the undercarriage,
259
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,617
-I don't know what is.
-Do you take checks?
260
00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:19,575
Oh, we're not supposed
to take checks.
261
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,185
Oh, biscuits!
262
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,057
We're supposed to be
on the yacht by 4:00!
263
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,711
Yeah, yeah, you see,
264
00:10:24,754 --> 00:10:26,843
we're vacationing somewhere
very, very wealthy,
265
00:10:26,887 --> 00:10:28,758
very exotic
over the next few days.
266
00:10:28,802 --> 00:10:30,673
Oh, sounds lovely.
267
00:10:30,717 --> 00:10:34,459
-Where?
-Uh, the Chiquita Islands.
268
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,679
[gasps]
Mm!
269
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,899
-Beautiful.
-All right.
270
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,509
I'll tell you what.
271
00:10:40,552 --> 00:10:41,902
I'm going to make
an exception for you guys
272
00:10:41,945 --> 00:10:43,512
because you're clearly
the real deal.
273
00:10:43,555 --> 00:10:44,905
-Clearly.
-Wonderful.
274
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:46,341
-Thank you.
-Thank you very much, very much.
275
00:10:46,384 --> 00:10:48,648
-Check, one, two.
-[walkie-talkie beeps]
276
00:10:48,691 --> 00:10:51,215
Check, check.
That is affirmative. Go for Pac.
277
00:10:51,259 --> 00:10:53,000
-[walkie-talkie beeps]
-Copy that.
278
00:10:53,043 --> 00:10:55,916
Should we double-check?
I think we should double-check.
279
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:59,702
All right. All set
for the double check.
280
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,661
Check, check, check.
Check one. Check two.
281
00:11:01,704 --> 00:11:03,227
Check, check one.
282
00:11:03,271 --> 00:11:05,012
-Check-- Pac, can you hear--
-[overlapping dialogue]
283
00:11:05,055 --> 00:11:06,666
Take your finger off the button,
'cause if you've got
284
00:11:06,709 --> 00:11:08,276
your finger on the button,
I can't hear you.
285
00:11:08,319 --> 00:11:10,017
Here he comes.
286
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:25,293
We got you now,
dipshit!
287
00:11:25,336 --> 00:11:26,598
♪
288
00:11:26,642 --> 00:11:29,340
Oh, do you?
289
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:30,864
Don't let him get away!
290
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:32,866
-Don't let him get away!
-[grunts, coughing]
291
00:11:32,909 --> 00:11:34,389
Wait, wait!
292
00:11:34,432 --> 00:11:36,696
Damn it! I've been fighting you
the whole time?
293
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,610
Oh, shit! How the fuck
did he get away?
294
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,874
-Can't breathe!
-Holy shit, we got him.
295
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:41,831
[groans]
296
00:11:46,009 --> 00:11:47,881
Mm, well...
297
00:11:47,924 --> 00:11:49,796
♪
298
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:51,188
[chuckles]
299
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:52,755
Why don't we pull back
the layers here
300
00:11:52,799 --> 00:11:53,930
and see what we're
dealing with?
301
00:11:53,974 --> 00:11:55,497
Pac, it's
the hat tip guy.
302
00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:56,933
What the-- Clyde,
what the fuck are you doing?
303
00:11:56,977 --> 00:11:58,369
Why-- why did you--
you ruined the reveal.
304
00:11:58,413 --> 00:11:59,980
We're pretty sure
we know who it is.
305
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:01,721
It doesn't matter!
It was gonna be cool, man.
306
00:12:01,764 --> 00:12:02,765
I was gonna rip the thing.
We were gonna both be like,
307
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:04,158
"It's the hat tipper."
308
00:12:04,201 --> 00:12:05,855
-Go ahead.
-Oh, you want me to do it now?
309
00:12:05,899 --> 00:12:07,248
If it means that much
to you, go ahead!
310
00:12:07,291 --> 00:12:09,163
-Here we go, look.
-[grunting]
311
00:12:09,206 --> 00:12:10,381
Oh, it's
the hat tipper guy.
312
00:12:10,425 --> 00:12:11,513
Big anticlimactic
moment now.
313
00:12:11,556 --> 00:12:12,601
Thank you very much,
Clyde.
314
00:12:12,644 --> 00:12:14,429
We literally had
one suspect.
315
00:12:14,472 --> 00:12:16,474
It doesn't matter! It was
gonna be like a big, you know!
316
00:12:16,518 --> 00:12:17,911
-It was!
-I don't wanna--
317
00:12:17,954 --> 00:12:19,347
I don't wanna do this right now,
not in front of him.
318
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,348
-Fine.
-You're embarrassing me
319
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,697
in front
of the burglar.
320
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:22,916
Let's just figure out
who he is.
321
00:12:22,959 --> 00:12:25,353
Who the fuck are you,
fuck face?
322
00:12:25,396 --> 00:12:27,181
The name is Janus.
323
00:12:27,224 --> 00:12:29,009
Hugh Janus.
324
00:12:29,052 --> 00:12:32,316
[snickering]
325
00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:33,665
What's so funny?
326
00:12:33,709 --> 00:12:35,885
Your name is Huge Anus?
327
00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,321
Huge Anus?
328
00:12:37,365 --> 00:12:39,410
It's a very popular name
in England.
329
00:12:39,454 --> 00:12:41,325
There's practically
a Hugh Janus on every block.
330
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:45,155
I've been in positions
worse than this
331
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,678
a thousand times over
332
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:47,941
and I've always lived
to tell the tale.
333
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:49,159
Oh, have you,
Huge Anus?
334
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,682
[laughs]
335
00:12:50,726 --> 00:12:52,162
-Oh!
-Listen,
336
00:12:52,206 --> 00:12:53,685
you need to tell us
337
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,122
exactly where the painting
of that duchess is
338
00:12:55,165 --> 00:12:56,688
-or else--
-Or else what?
339
00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,431
-Huh?
-Did you hear how he asked me,
340
00:13:00,475 --> 00:13:01,432
-"Or else what?"
-Yeah, I did.
341
00:13:01,476 --> 00:13:02,825
So how should I respond?
342
00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,261
What were you gonna say
before he cut you off?
343
00:13:04,305 --> 00:13:05,610
I actually had no plan.
I don't know.
344
00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:06,742
You didn't go
with another plan?
345
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,048
It was a threat.
346
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,614
Yeah, but you can't make
an empty threat
347
00:13:09,658 --> 00:13:11,094
-to a burglar.
-It's something people say.
348
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,617
I didn't expect that I was
actually gonna--
349
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:13,836
I understand,
but this is a dangerous man--
350
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,099
-Oh!
-Oh, shit, Clyde! Oh!
351
00:13:16,143 --> 00:13:17,666
Fucking nice try,
buddy.
352
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,189
You're gonna kick someone
in the nuts,
353
00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,625
you better make sure it--
f-- oh, there it is.
354
00:13:20,669 --> 00:13:23,019
-[grunting]
-Oh, it was on a delay!
355
00:13:23,063 --> 00:13:24,412
[groaning]
356
00:13:24,455 --> 00:13:25,805
Oh, God.
357
00:13:26,893 --> 00:13:28,198
[canvas rips]
358
00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:29,939
Ah, bollocks!
359
00:13:29,983 --> 00:13:32,246
[whimpers]
Ah!
360
00:13:32,289 --> 00:13:33,682
Oh, it's okay.
I can fix this.
361
00:13:33,725 --> 00:13:35,336
All I need is some--
some glue
362
00:13:35,379 --> 00:13:36,685
and a new painting.
363
00:13:39,253 --> 00:13:40,863
Canvas King?
364
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,169
I can't believe it.
365
00:13:42,212 --> 00:13:44,301
Yeah, the deals
at Framing Captain
366
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,782
-are way better.
-No, you moron!
367
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,479
-It's a fake!
-No, it's not.
368
00:13:48,523 --> 00:13:50,394
-I can see it right here.
-It's a beautiful piece.
369
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,048
-I think it--
-Yeah, it's nice.
370
00:13:54,181 --> 00:13:55,747
Another fake.
371
00:13:58,402 --> 00:14:00,187
Fake,
372
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,971
fake,
373
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,626
fake.
They're all fakes!
374
00:14:04,669 --> 00:14:05,932
[panting]
375
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,542
I'm gonna
hyperventilate.
376
00:14:07,585 --> 00:14:09,326
-I'm hyperventilating.
-No, no, no, wait.
377
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,850
Here, here, here,
breathe through this.
378
00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,199
Oh, yeah, yeah.
379
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:14,288
Take it slow and deep.
380
00:14:14,331 --> 00:14:15,855
Huh.
381
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:17,378
Oh, sorry.
382
00:14:17,421 --> 00:14:18,814
That must've been
a huffer's bag.
383
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:20,424
Holy shit.
That means we have no idea
384
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:22,035
where the real
painting is.
385
00:14:22,078 --> 00:14:24,124
Oh, my God. My blood sugar
is dangerously low.
386
00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:26,213
-They're gonna kill me.
-The huffers?
387
00:14:26,256 --> 00:14:27,518
No, no, no,
they left the bag.
388
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:29,172
-That's on them.
-The sheik.
389
00:14:29,216 --> 00:14:30,957
Are-- are you
saying sheet?
390
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,828
-Sheik!
-Sheet?
391
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,438
The Saudi sheik!
392
00:14:34,482 --> 00:14:36,876
I've already sold him
all these paintings.
393
00:14:36,919 --> 00:14:40,531
He's sending his henchman
tomorrow to pick them up.
394
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:42,142
I'm gonna get killed
395
00:14:42,185 --> 00:14:44,405
because the auction house
is selling fake art.
396
00:14:44,448 --> 00:14:46,363
No. No, the art
at Smotherbee's is real.
397
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,974
The ghost wouldn't haunt
a fake painting.
398
00:14:48,017 --> 00:14:50,324
Which one of us
just huffed paint?
399
00:14:50,367 --> 00:14:52,065
Oh, no, no, no.
He can talk to ghosts.
400
00:14:52,108 --> 00:14:53,718
-Did we not cover that? Yeah.
-We have a whole business
401
00:14:53,762 --> 00:14:55,198
and a website and everything.
You should check it out.
402
00:14:55,242 --> 00:14:57,548
-We got some deals.
-Daily specials.
403
00:14:57,592 --> 00:15:00,116
There must be
a swap happening
404
00:15:00,160 --> 00:15:01,639
at the auction house.
405
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,119
Listen up,
406
00:15:03,163 --> 00:15:04,468
-we'll need to--
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
407
00:15:04,512 --> 00:15:05,861
-What do you mean "we'll"?
-Yeah.
408
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,645
You just Beckhamed
my balls in there, man.
409
00:15:07,689 --> 00:15:08,951
Yeah, why would we
work with you?
410
00:15:08,995 --> 00:15:10,474
Look, trust me,
411
00:15:10,518 --> 00:15:12,128
I don't wanna work
with you inbreds either.
412
00:15:12,172 --> 00:15:13,869
-Pfft.
-Unfortunately,
413
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:16,785
this is a job that requires
more than one set of eyes.
414
00:15:16,828 --> 00:15:18,656
Ugh, fuck it, man.
I don't know.
415
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,441
I don't know.
I don't know.
416
00:15:20,484 --> 00:15:22,269
I make bad decisions
on an empty stomach.
417
00:15:22,312 --> 00:15:24,662
-Is that a granola bar?
-Yeah.
418
00:15:24,706 --> 00:15:26,838
Can I have this? Ha!
419
00:15:29,276 --> 00:15:34,020
Save some hunger to munch
the royal box, my savior.
420
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:36,674
Yeah, I'm all in.
421
00:15:38,415 --> 00:15:41,070
Let me walk you through this
nice and slow.
422
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:43,725
I'll be surveying the auction
from the back row,
423
00:15:43,768 --> 00:15:46,075
waiting for something valuable
to go up for bid.
424
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:48,164
Now lot number 195.
425
00:15:48,208 --> 00:15:50,210
And we'll start the bidding
at 400,000.
426
00:15:50,253 --> 00:15:52,125
$400. I have 400.
427
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:53,604
-425?
-You two will be stationed
428
00:15:53,648 --> 00:15:56,694
outside, posing as
illiterate plumbers.
429
00:15:56,738 --> 00:16:00,437
If the art goes out the back,
you guys tail it.
430
00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:01,961
And sold
431
00:16:02,004 --> 00:16:03,745
to the woman
with the real fur
432
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:05,225
and the fake
cheekbones.
433
00:16:05,268 --> 00:16:06,966
Normally,
I follow the buyer,
434
00:16:07,009 --> 00:16:08,880
but this time,
I'll follow the art.
435
00:16:08,924 --> 00:16:10,926
♪
436
00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:13,189
If we can keep an eye
on the original artwork,
437
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:14,756
it should lead us
directly
438
00:16:14,799 --> 00:16:16,453
to where the other originals
are being stored.
439
00:16:16,497 --> 00:16:18,238
♪
440
00:16:44,481 --> 00:16:46,048
[walkie-talkie feedback]
Check, check, check.
441
00:16:46,092 --> 00:16:47,658
I wanna do a double check
on the walkies.
442
00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:49,704
-Go.
-Stop doing walkie checks.
443
00:16:49,747 --> 00:16:51,314
The walkies work
fucking fine.
444
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:55,057
Uh, that's because
we do walkie checks, Hugh.
445
00:16:55,101 --> 00:16:57,277
Ooh, walkie burn.
446
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,279
Gents, there are now
two pieces of artwork
447
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:00,410
coming your way.
448
00:17:00,454 --> 00:17:01,803
Well, which one's real?
449
00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:03,674
I don't know.
450
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:05,154
Wow, you really
shit the bed
451
00:17:05,198 --> 00:17:07,069
on that one,
huh, Huge Anus?
452
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:08,592
[laughing]
453
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:10,768
Just shut the fuck up
and follow them both.
454
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:11,769
It doesn't get old.
455
00:17:13,249 --> 00:17:15,034
Oh. Shit!
456
00:17:15,077 --> 00:17:16,731
They're getting in
two separate vans.
457
00:17:16,774 --> 00:17:18,646
You thinking
what I'm thinking?
458
00:17:18,689 --> 00:17:33,008
♪
459
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,532
Oh, shit!
460
00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,230
No, that's not
what I was thinking at all.
461
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:38,927
All right.
Fuck it, let's go.
462
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:40,494
Ha!
463
00:17:40,537 --> 00:17:47,283
♪
464
00:17:47,327 --> 00:17:49,285
[footsteps approach]
465
00:17:56,988 --> 00:17:58,512
Are you chaps
following those vans?
466
00:17:58,555 --> 00:18:01,080
Oh, shit. I think mine's
going to JFK.
467
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,646
You're headed
for the airport?
468
00:18:02,690 --> 00:18:04,083
That must be the one.
469
00:18:04,126 --> 00:18:06,085
Overseas black market,
I imagine.
470
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,390
Be careful.
471
00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:09,610
Your life depends
on your stealth.
472
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:10,959
You're dealing
with people
473
00:18:11,002 --> 00:18:12,395
who might just
rip off your penis
474
00:18:12,439 --> 00:18:14,441
-to prove a point.
-Nope, scratch that.
475
00:18:14,484 --> 00:18:15,833
Pulling into
an Olive Patches.
476
00:18:15,877 --> 00:18:17,444
What is that?
477
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:18,836
It's a delicious
Italian experience
478
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:19,837
for the whole family.
479
00:18:19,881 --> 00:18:21,056
Oh, good news.
480
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,275
Your dick
is probably fine.
481
00:18:22,318 --> 00:18:24,364
Clyde, your dick
482
00:18:24,407 --> 00:18:26,105
is now the one that needs
to be worried about.
483
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:28,759
Whatever you do, don't let them
out of your sight.
484
00:18:28,803 --> 00:18:31,458
My dick is magnificent.
I got this.
485
00:18:31,501 --> 00:18:34,722
-You never showed up for drop.
-Clyde?
486
00:18:34,765 --> 00:18:36,158
Clyde, come in.
Are you there?
487
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:37,812
-Yeah, Pac, what is it?
-Hey!
488
00:18:37,855 --> 00:18:40,031
Hey, do I like pesto?
489
00:18:40,075 --> 00:18:42,338
No. You're more of
a red sauce kind of guy.
490
00:18:42,382 --> 00:18:44,819
I thought so.
Thank you.
491
00:18:44,862 --> 00:18:46,690
Oh, shit!
I think I've been spotted!
492
00:18:46,734 --> 00:18:48,170
-He's starting to speed up.
-Shit.
493
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:49,998
What should I do?
Hugh, are you there?
494
00:18:50,041 --> 00:18:52,348
Give me a second,
Clyde.
495
00:18:52,392 --> 00:18:54,307
-Fucking Hugh.
-Fuck, dude!
496
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,135
He definitely spotted me.
497
00:18:56,178 --> 00:18:57,832
He's starting to drive
really close to the guardrail.
498
00:18:57,875 --> 00:18:59,181
Fuck.
499
00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:00,704
-Pac, are you hearing me?
-Hey, man.
500
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,793
Would you like to hear
our specials?
501
00:19:02,837 --> 00:19:04,230
I--
502
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:07,015
I would fucking love
to hear the specials.
503
00:19:07,058 --> 00:19:09,060
Perfect.
We have a delicious
504
00:19:09,104 --> 00:19:10,540
ham ravioli
in cheese sauce.
505
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,152
Our soup of the day
is bacon fat and onion.
506
00:19:13,195 --> 00:19:14,762
-That sounds good.
-Oh, good.
507
00:19:14,805 --> 00:19:16,503
And then we have this
incredible deep-fried noodle
508
00:19:16,546 --> 00:19:17,895
dipped in sugar
for dessert.
509
00:19:17,939 --> 00:19:19,201
Oh, what? Oh.
510
00:19:19,245 --> 00:19:20,681
Fuck this.
I have no choice.
511
00:19:20,724 --> 00:19:22,030
I'm gonna go
under the van.
512
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:27,035
Okay, I think I've found
the fuel line.
513
00:19:27,078 --> 00:19:29,211
I'm starting to think I should
put the walkie down.
514
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:31,561
Whoa! Holy shit, he's really
trying to shake me!
515
00:19:31,605 --> 00:19:33,650
-[tires screech]
-All right, I got my knife out.
516
00:19:33,694 --> 00:19:36,871
All right, I'm slicing
through the fuel line.
517
00:19:36,914 --> 00:19:38,829
Oh, shit! That looks like
a pretty sharp turn ahead!
518
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:39,917
-[tires screech]
-[screams]
519
00:19:39,961 --> 00:19:41,789
[static crackles]
520
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,097
[buttons beeping]
521
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:48,056
I'm, uh--
522
00:19:48,099 --> 00:19:49,753
I'm sure he's fine.
523
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,581
He's probably just out
of walkie-talkie range.
524
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:53,148
So what did you say
525
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:54,497
the cheese-to-noodle ratio
was on the lasagna?
526
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,717
-Or did you not say?
-[steam hisses]
527
00:20:08,511 --> 00:20:09,730
Holy shit!
528
00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:13,429
Hey, Pac. My van has
the fake painting.
529
00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:15,388
-[munching]
-Are you there?
530
00:20:15,431 --> 00:20:17,128
All right,
let me know
531
00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:18,478
when you turn
your walkie back on.
532
00:20:23,047 --> 00:20:24,614
The fuck?
533
00:20:24,658 --> 00:20:26,442
Beautiful,
aren't they?
534
00:20:26,486 --> 00:20:28,531
You.
535
00:20:29,967 --> 00:20:32,274
-Why?
-People who attend auctions
536
00:20:32,318 --> 00:20:35,582
are... assholes
537
00:20:35,625 --> 00:20:38,280
hoarding beauty.
538
00:20:38,324 --> 00:20:42,241
I can't think of anything
more gluttonous.
539
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:45,592
This is where
true art belongs.
540
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,855
Hanging above
the velveteen baguettes?
541
00:20:47,898 --> 00:20:49,857
-With the masses.
-Oh.
542
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:52,338
Art is not
a privilege.
543
00:20:52,381 --> 00:20:54,165
It is a God-given right.
544
00:20:54,209 --> 00:20:56,733
Just like endless soup
and bottomless breadsticks.
545
00:20:56,777 --> 00:20:59,432
-Well, sort of.
-No, I think that's bang-on.
546
00:20:59,475 --> 00:21:03,653
Oh, what a wondrous place
this is,
547
00:21:03,697 --> 00:21:07,222
filled with
so many wealthy
548
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,355
and attractive people.
549
00:21:09,398 --> 00:21:11,922
I can think
of no better venue
550
00:21:11,966 --> 00:21:14,577
for my likeness to hang
for all eternity.
551
00:21:14,621 --> 00:21:15,970
[clears throat]
Okay, dude,
552
00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:17,841
your little secret
will stay safe with me,
553
00:21:17,885 --> 00:21:19,626
but you need to do me
one favor in return.
554
00:21:19,669 --> 00:21:21,062
Nothing sex-related.
555
00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:22,846
-I-- I just--
-What-- what? No!
556
00:21:22,890 --> 00:21:24,761
I don't--
no, I just--
557
00:21:24,805 --> 00:21:26,676
I need to make
one teeny, tiny alteration
558
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:28,330
to that painting
right there.
559
00:21:30,114 --> 00:21:33,074
-Sold.
-To that man there. Okay.
560
00:21:39,515 --> 00:21:41,343
Excuse me.
561
00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,745
Yeah.
562
00:21:51,788 --> 00:21:53,355
That's the jam.
563
00:21:53,399 --> 00:21:54,878
Oh!
564
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:58,360
I'm gorgeous.
565
00:21:58,404 --> 00:22:01,102
You sure are.
566
00:22:01,145 --> 00:22:03,800
One last treat
for you.
567
00:22:03,844 --> 00:22:05,019
Huh?
568
00:22:05,062 --> 00:22:07,674
No. Ah...
569
00:22:07,717 --> 00:22:10,720
That-- not necessary.
Thank you.
570
00:22:12,853 --> 00:22:14,245
[clears throat]
571
00:22:14,289 --> 00:22:15,769
Farewell.
572
00:22:21,165 --> 00:22:22,776
One more celebratory plate
of lasagna, methinks.
573
00:22:22,819 --> 00:22:23,690
[snaps fingers]
574
00:22:26,214 --> 00:22:28,216
Yoo-hoo, Huge Anus.
Check, check, check.
575
00:22:28,259 --> 00:22:29,609
-This is Pac.
-And Clyde.
576
00:22:29,652 --> 00:22:31,480
And Clyde, obviously.
577
00:22:33,874 --> 00:22:35,484
Hugh, you there?
You okay, bud?
578
00:22:35,528 --> 00:22:37,356
Ask him
if he smokes weed.
579
00:22:37,399 --> 00:22:39,401
Hugh, do you
smoke weed?
580
00:22:41,838 --> 00:22:43,971
Hugh, do you
smoke-a the weed?
581
00:22:46,190 --> 00:22:48,932
-You think he's okay?
-Yeah, totally.
582
00:22:48,976 --> 00:22:50,412
Maybe he's dead.
583
00:22:51,761 --> 00:22:53,807
-[groans]
-Hugh, are you dead?
584
00:22:53,850 --> 00:22:55,983
[laughing]
585
00:22:56,026 --> 00:22:57,898
Are you laying in a pool
of your own blood right now?
586
00:22:57,941 --> 00:23:00,117
[laughing]
587
00:23:02,685 --> 00:23:04,295
Hugh!
588
00:23:04,339 --> 00:23:06,559
Huuugh!
589
00:23:06,602 --> 00:23:07,951
Hope he's okay.
590
00:23:07,995 --> 00:23:09,431
Oh, yeah,
I'm sure he's fine.
591
00:23:09,475 --> 00:23:10,824
Probably just got his finger
on the button.
592
00:23:10,867 --> 00:23:11,955
-Rookie.
-[chuckles]
40759
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