Original subtitles

SCHOOL REPORT, PART 8 WHAT PARENTS MUST NEVER KNOW

Ladies! What is all this noise?

This isn't a demonstration.

- Good morning. - Good morning, Dr. Steinbach.

Miss Maurer is putting on quite a show.

Now she shows up with a sheik in tow!

"This isn't a demonstration... "

The new teacher is kind of cute, isn't he?

I'd love to get him back to breast-feeding!

It takes two to breast-feed, Evi.

You want to bet that I'll do it?

We'll have two weeks at the hostel.

Good luck!

- Any more luggage? - Listen up, please!

I'd like to introduce Dr. Steinbach.

- Good morning, ladies. - Good morning!

Starting next term, Dr. Steinbach will be teaching at our school.

Today, he'll being joining us on our school trip.

- Didn't I tell you he's a teacher? - You sure did!

And he's one groovy guy!

Dr. Steinbach teaches biology.

Oh!

Even better! Then he must really know how to do it!

- Is everyone here? - Yes!

Then please get on the bus.

Dumb fucking luggage!

He sure is cute.

One for all, and all for one!

And you're not supposed to turn lesbian.

- I hope I'm not too late. - Just in time!

Hey, where have you been?

- I'm Annette's father. - Dr. Maurer, this is Dr. Steinbach.

I beg your pardon, but I promised my daughter I'd drop her off...

...then suddenly there's something wrong with the car.

No need to worry. You made it on time.

Then I won't keep you.

I must admit, you have a good-looking father.

You think so? Well, he can be a little strict.

Ladies, please board the bus! Or would you rather stay here?

Stay here? No way! With a tour guide like that!

Well, what about you, miss? Do you need a special invitation?

Did you teach at a convent school?

You must have a big stick to keep those poor schoolgirls in line!

Excuse me! May I get through?

Well, this should be fun...

Get out your comic books, Gisela!

Here's the latest issue.

Come here, Gabi! You have the hots for Mickey Mouse, too!

Oh, yes! Let me see!

That's so cool!

Here, look at this!

Oh, he's so cute!

- Cute enough to eat, right? - Too bad he's gay, huh?

I'd re-educate him, no problem!

No! Re-educating him is way too much work.

I'd suggest finding a real young boy who is completely inexperienced.

He won't give you any grief.

Why? Do you have personal experience?

I sure do! I made a move on our apprentice...

His name was Rolf. He was an apprentice at our nursery.

He was from a small, distant village.

So he lived with us at our home.

His room was right above my own.

He really was a good-looking boy.

But let me tell you, he was incredibly shy!

I only had to say good morning...

...and his ears instantly turned bright red!

Well, in a nutshell...

...it was obvious that I'd have to make the first move.

I thought I'd start out by showing him what I had to offer.

Hopefully, he liked big pears.

A breast! And a nipple!

It must be a dream.

Oh!

An ass! Round, plump, sweet...

If he can bear the sight of pussy...

...he's qualified to become my apprentice.

That's a...

...a thingy!

Ah! My dick is about to explode!

What are you doing in the greenhouse?

It's warmer in here than outside.

Insolent thing!

Probably a sign of puberty.

Oh, Rolf...

...could you help me tie my dress?

Oh! Oh...

Yeah.

Do you like to go dancing?

I... I...

Actually, I don't know how to dance.

That's nothing to worry about. Would you like me to teach you?

Well, I have a lot of work to do, and...

...I'm always tired in the evening.

But you like listening to records, right?

Yes... sometimes.

I have some great records. Would you like to listen to them?

Maybe...

Goodbye!

Stupid fool!

Well, at first I was angry.

I showed this guy everything I had...

...and all he did was turn red in the face and run away!

But I didn't give up.

I would have let the fool go!

No... by then my female pride had kicked in.

I knew he took a shower every night after work.

If he couldn't do it in the greenhouse, he couldn't do it in the bathtub, either!

- Shit! - Did you break something?

Um, I meant break your...

Shit!

Did you hurt yourself, sweetheart?

Did you just call me sweetheart?

Give me a hand. I think I broke my ass!

What? Broke your ass?

Come on! Help me!

Are you sure it's your ass?

I have to leave!

Always running away!

What an asshole!

Gisi...

...I will never forget your sweet little ass.

If you only knew the trouble you cause me and my weiner.

But you don't have the slightest notion...

...because you're so young and innocent.

Right now, I'm touching your fruit orchard...

...and dreaming about your treasure chest.

And your breast.

It's the most beautiful thing I've seen in all my life!

It's too much for anyone to bear.

I'm sure you can wait a little longer, my boy.

Stay calm...

That same day, my parents went out for the evening.

It's tonight or never!

Oh... that burns!

If it doesn't work out tonight...

...I'll take up knitting and make a scarf out of my bush.

I had planned on walking straight in...

...but I suddenly heard quiet moaning coming from his room.

At first, I thought he was with another girl.

But when I peeked through the keyhole...

...I couldn't believe my eyes!

He was looking at a porn magazine and stroking his shaft.

He must have been out of his mind!

Don't you dare break it, my boy!

I can put it to better use!

Such beautiful titties...

Of course, I wondered what I should do.

First, I already wanted to fuck...

...and second, I was really wet just from watching him.

I decided to interrupt him before he came in his hand.

But, Miss... uh, Gisela! What are you doing here?

I'm so scared, Rolf!

Let me stay with you!

What are you scared of?

There's no thunderstorm...

But one could be coming!

Please, don't send me away, Rolfi!

Yeah... but what's happening now?

Be a good boy and let me snuggle with you for a while.

I'm so cold.

Is that so?

Oh... now I feel much better.

Oh my goodness!

Oh Rolf...

...I feel something strange under here.

Leave it alone, Gisela!

I wonder what it is.

Stop it! Please!

Don't...

- Oh! - No!

Why not?

I...

I... can't...

Can't... stand it!

Why, does it hurt?

Oh my... you've come to life!

I don't care anymore! Something has to happen!

But not in my a... Ah, now you have it right!

If I had only known how good it feels to fuck!

Not so fast!

What's happening?

So now...

...I'm done for.

You survived!

That sure takes it out of you.

Do you know what you are, Rolfi?

No, what?

You're my Christopher Columbus!

You were the first one to discover my New World.

Columbus?

Wasn't he an admiral?

Yes, he became one...

...but not until he had completed three expeditions.

So, what do you think? Would you like to set sail one more time?

What? Again? So soon?

Oh, how sweet the little guy is!

And so snuggly!

Oh... now he's not so little anymore.

Look at that! He's growing into a wonderful tree.

My... he's so cute!

He deserves my best treatment.

When someone's really in love, they close their eyes.

Yeah...

...I've read that as well.

Don't spin around like that! It's not a corkscrew.

Doesn't this feel better than doing it yourself?

Actually... it does.

Oh, my sweet Columbus!

It feels so good to set sail with you.

It won't be long...

...until we reach the shore!

No!

So how many times did your Columbus set sail?

Three times! He became an admiral.

The next morning he was so pale and weak-kneed...

...my mother nearly sent him to see a doctor.

But later that afternoon in the greenhouse...

...he was ready to go again!

Good for you! You've got your Columbus by the balls!

You have a fine group of girls, Professor.

- Is there a problem? - I'll ask Renate.

Have you seen Annette?

I think she was feeling nauseous, and stayed on the bus.

Annette?

Oh, it's you, Inge.

- I almost thought... - What?

Oh... nothing.

What's the matter? Are you in pain?

- Can I help? - No.

Come on... talk to me.

Something's going on. I promise not to tell anyone.

- It's nothing. - Your not fooling me.

You're feeling nauseous, you're crying, you're not talking.

Are you pregnant?

Is it that obvious?

If you keep acting this way, it will be.

But don't worry, there are no visible signs yet.

- How far along are you? - I'm in my third month.

And you don't want to confide in your parents?

That's impossible. You don't know my father!

It would be a disaster.

What about your mother?

She has no say at all. Her whining would only make it worse!

And who is the father?

He's the most decent young man you can imagine.

Decent? I'm not so sure about...

It's true! You just don't know him

You're really in love, huh?

You know, he's exactly like the man I always imagined...

...I'd want to spend the rest of my life with.

So, he's a real miracle man.

Where did you meet him?

We met at a birthday party... for my girlfriend.

Biggi had just turned 19.

She had invited some guys I didn't know...

...including my wonderful Jurgen.

Jurgen Amrein.

Oh, my God!

So you're enlisted as a paramedic, Jurgen?

Yes, I volunteered because I want to study medicine.

I can use the experience.

Voluntarily enlist? He must be out of his mind!

Helmut also studies medicine. He's in his third term.

It's a dumb idea to join the army!

What else could I do? I got my draft notice.

And you want to study medicine?

There are a lot of ways to weasel your way out.

That may very well be, but serving in the army will actually give me...

...a big advantage later on in my academic career.

- What's your grade-point average? - 2.8.

And with those grades you plan to study medicine?

Why not? Am I going to treat my patients...

...with advanced mathematics and Latin vocabulary?

These days it's all about performance, my friend.

Nonsense! According to today's standards...

...many brilliant senior physicians...

...would never have earned their medical degrees. Right?

Jurgen really impressed me.

Gee! You seem to be seriously interested in Jurgen.

I certainly am!

We hadn't seen each other since the birthday party.

He had been re-assigned...

...so it was only by chance that we met again.

- Hi, Jurgen! - Annette!

- What are you doing here? - I'm studying here now.

- Medicine? - You remember?

- Yes, it worked out, thank God! - Despite your mediocre grades?

It was either a miracle or some kind of computer error.

- Sounds like a reason to celebrate! - For sure! But...

But unfortunately, I can't afford a fancy night on the town.

That doesn't matter.

It's strange. We only met that one time, at Biggi's birthday party.

What's so strange?

Well, it feels like we've known each other for a very long time.

I know what you mean, Annette. I feel the same way.

I thought of you often during my military service.

Really, Jurgen?

Just a tiny sip for me.

I'm sorry.

There's a pub down on the corner. I'm sure I can pick up something there.

I'll be right back.

- Hey, Jurgen? - Huh?

Wait a minute.

1.00... 1.50... 2.00...

2 marks and 50 cents. That's all I have on me.

Out of the question!

I insist you take the money!

Remember, when I want something, I get it.

All right, then. I'll be right back.

I watched Jurgen cross the street. He was running.

I knew I had fallen in love.

I wanted Jurgen for my own.

Of course, it was silly of me to think...

...that I could make a man mine like this.

But I felt I had no other choice.

What does being a virgin really mean to a man today?

Jurgen...

Are you mad at me?

This was a stupid thing to do, right?

It was the first time a man had seen me in the flesh.

But it's strange...

With Jurgen, I didn't feel naked at all.

I love you.

Let's stay together forever.

And it happened then, on your first time?

It must have. I got a prescription for the pill the next day.

But it was already too late.

And now what?

No idea. I'm totally stressed out.

If my father finds out, he'll kick me out of the house.

I can't believe he'd do such a thing!

You don't know my father.

Have you given any thought... to having an abortion?

Of course!

But just the suggestion of it set Jurgen off.

Have you gone crazy, Annette? What did you do?

I took a bath that was so hot it almost burned my skin.

That's just an old-wives' tale!

You'll only hurt yourslef and the baby.

I just want it to go away...

But Annette, we love each other!

Don't you want to have my child?

Of course I do!

So there! Why are you doing these things?

My parents... they must never know.

- I'll talk to your father. - No! You mustn't!

He'll only kick you out of the house, and I'll be next.

I can handle him!

Forget about your parents.

This is something that concerns only you and me.

That's easy for you to say. You don't know my father!

Let him kick me out. What do I care?

Come on, Annette, we can make it - and so will our child.

But how will we make a living?

You just started university.

Don't worry, we'll manage somehow.

Listen, Annette, the day we met again...

...was the most beautiful day of my life.

And our child was conceived on that day.

That's the reason I want us to have it.

You'll be going on your school trip soon.

I'll find a way to visit you. Okay?

But they don't allow visitors there.

I'll manage somehow.

Jurgen, you have to promise...

...not to talk to my parents in the meantime.

It's my responsibility to deal with them.

I just don't yet know how.

That's it. Now you know everything, Inge.

- Please don't tell on me. - You can count on me.

I'm just trying to figure out how I might help you.

Here comes everybody. Now, pull yourself together.

Keep it down, please!

The noise must be giving the driver a hot flash.

I can think of a few other things that would give him a hot flash!

Do think Dr. Maurer has ever done the deed?

- Dr. Maurer? - Yes.

- I bet she has! - Why?

I have a sixth sense about that.

She's not as big a spinster as the one in Hannover.

Jutta was with me...

Hey, Jutta! Come here a second.

Do you remember when we took a class in Hannover?

Oh, yeah... Miss Eberhardt.

The biology teacher.

She was a true vestal virgin.

What happened with her?

She was a real piece of work.

She had hair like a pollywog...

...and the fashion sense of Frankenstein.

I guess she was trying to assert her authority.

Take the mimosa, for example, the so-called sensitive plant.

In response to being touched...

...we can observe how the plant's irritability...

...is being transmitted from one leaf to another.

Such mechanical stimuli are detected by sensitive spots:

...sensitive papillae, sensitive hairs and sensitive bristles...

...all found in the upper layer of the so-called epidermis.

The common feature shared by sensitive spots and sensitive papillae...

...is the existence of areas with thin cell walls...

...which act as gateways for these stimuli.

Hey, you!

Forget about manual labor!

I'll get you a cool guy who knows what he's doing.

It's essential to understand, ladies...

...that the distinction between the living and the dead...

...the distinction between organic and inorganic matter...

...is primarily irritability.

What does that mean in a biological context?

Evi?

Um... Irritability is... um...

When you... Well, I mean...

When something irritates you!

Like fleas or other pests...

Or when you're playing poker!

Or irritating men!

Jutta, you're forgetting a teacher's irritability...

...when a student shows no interest in her assignments...

...but constantly disturbs the class with inappropriate remarks.

Jutta, why don't you tell me the name of the organs...

...with which an animate being processes these stimuli?

Now it's your turn!

The erogenous zones!

We're not talking about you, Juta. We're talking about plants.

So? I've been called a "hot potato. "

I think it more accurate to refer to you as an immature brat!

Please! I suggest you take things more seriously, ladies!

So, what are these organs called?

Sensory organs.

That's what I was talking about!

Good.

Anita? Could you give us an example of their reaction?

Yes, there are certain plants...

...such as peas, beans...

...cucumbers, squash...

Eggs!

Well... the plants look for something solid...

...and then entwine themselves around it...

...as soon as the plant's circling movement touches a solid object.

Yes... and when the twines prop up...

...the erection is produced...

...by the increased pressure of the plant fluids.

Your immaturity is outrageous!

There are more important things in life than the one and only thing...

...that seems to be on your mind at all times.

You can always come to me with a problem...

...but stop this constant disturbance of the class...

...with your impertinent double-entendres.

This went on in every biology class.

Miss Eberhardt was bound to become a dried up old spinster.

So Jutta and I decided to help her break the habit.

We knew this guy called Hans.

He was only happy when he had someone to fuck...

...and it didn't seem to matter who it was.

Your teacher? Really? She's single?

- Strange! - What's so strange about it?

Well, she's not bad looking...

...if you ignore the glasses and that silly hairdo.

She's totally unapproachable.

She'd never give in to such basic instincts.

Nonsense! Every woman needs a little something in bed.

- She doesn't. - Of course she does.

- You'll never succeed! - I'll bet you anything!

Okay, if I lose, I'll grant you a wish.

And if you win?

Then you two will grant me a wish. Deal?

I think I know what you want from us.

Even better!

Do you promise to stick to it?

If I win...

Okay, okay! We promise.

Listen, I need your help. It will only take a few minutes.

You two have to hit on a woman.

I'll play the savior and knock you out.

- What? Knock me out? - I'll just pretend.

Okay, you may knock us out for a couple of six-packs.

For one six-pack, we'll fight back. Okay?

And if you don't give us anything...

...you'll end up as a case study in the ICU.

We'll rent a motorcycle and pretend we're bikers.

- Do you know how to ride? - Me? You mean really ride it?

No! But I can sit on it. That should do, right?

I'll get the bike.

Excuse me, ma'am. May I ask you something?

Yes, of course.

- Is that a bottle of milk? - Yes.

- May I have a look? - Well... yes.

Nice packaging!

Oh! Why did you do that?

Well, you know, I have an aversion to milk.

- May I? - What do you think...

- But we're crazy about breast milk! - Let go of me!

- I'll scream for help! - How about a little threesome?

With two hot guys like us, eh?

You can scream all you want! We rule the streets!

What a nice piece of ass!

Let go of the lady!

Fuck off or I'll break your face!

- Are you injured? - No, no...

Come on, I'll walk you home.

That asshole hit me for real!

Calm down, ma'am. Everything's fine now.

- Yes. - You need to lie down for a moment.

You prefer the sofa or bed?

Here...

Shouldn't we call the police?

What's the use? Those bikers are long gone!

- You just need a shot of cognac. - I'm afraid I have no cognac.

Do you have any alcohol? I could use a shot myself!

- I do have some whiskey. - Great! That's perfect!

Just stay where you are.

- Where is it? - What?

The whiskey.

Oh, I see. Yes. In the cupboard.

Behind the spices.

Ah... here it is!

A little spice is always good.

Here, have a sip.

- Better? - Yes.

By the way, my name is Hans. Hans Weimann.

My name is Eberhardt.

Really? I could have sworn you were a woman.

That's my last name, of course.

That's it? No other name?

- Irene. - Very nice! Irene is perfect.

It suits you very well.

What do you mean?

Relax. I meant a pretty name suits a pretty woman.

- You're making fun of me! - Absolutely not.

You are a beautiful woman, believe me.

Huh?

No one ever told me that.

Well then... it's about time! Have another shot, it always helps.

I'm not so sure!

I'd rather not...

Come on, give it a try!

What did you do?

I kissed you.

- But you must not... do that. - Why not?

It says "Eberhardt. " That's where she lives.

Don't open the door!

Maybe they're saying the rosary.

But it may be urgent!

Please be quiet! Do me a favor and hide.

Oh, God! The whiskey!

Hello, Miss Eberhardt. Is this a bad time? May I?

What are you doing here?

Well, you said we could come to you with problems any time.

Yes, so we were thinking... about those irritability movements...

...and the intake of sensory stimuli...

Well, that's very sweet of you, but...

You know, ladies, you really can't...

- Oh! Do you have company? - No.

- Have we disturbed you? - Yes.

Well, actually, no. Honestly, no.

Oh...

Perhaps you'd be so kind as to leave?

Maybe I can explain your irritability question tomorrow.

And the transfer of sperm as well?

Please don't jump to conclusions.

I mean, the person in attendance is...

- Is... - But there's no one here!

There isn't?

You appear to be very excited, Miss Eberhardt.

- Oh... - Aren't you feeling well?

No, it's nothing, just a little headache.

Well, we don't want to bother you any longer, do we, Jutta?

Yes. We can discuss sensory stimuli and irritability some other time.

In the meantime, you can gain some experience...

Yes, indeed. I'm a bit nervous today. I better go straight to bed.

A bed always helps.

- Well, no hard feelings. Goodbye. - Goodbye.

Mr. Weimann?

Where are you?

Don't tell me you jumped out the window!

What are you doing in my bed?

No one was going to find me here. I didn't want to embarrass you.

- How dare you! - But you said...

...I should do you a favor.

But you didn't have to take your clothes off.

I didn't want to dirty the sheets.

Get out of my bed immediately!

Of course, as you wish.

Please get back into bed.

How pretty you are.

What...? What... are you doing to me?

- Should I stop and leave? - Yes, of course you should.

Oh, but stay!

Your body is like Venus de Milo.

That old?

No... that beautiful.

What? Lose the panties, too?

It won't work with them on, sweetheart.

- Lie down? - I get tired standing up.

You beautiful, strong man! I love you!

It feels so good!

You're such a beautiful woman!

I wouldn't trade you for any of those young girls!

Don't lie to me.

You must not lie!

I swear!

I have to tell you something, darling.

The incident with those bikers...

I arranged the whole thing.

I couldn't think of any other way to get close to you.

Forgive me.

- Because I really love you. - You're just saying that.

And the next day, Miss Eberhardt didn't show up for class.

Maybe she really was sick. She sure acted strange.

And in the afternoon, we both went to see Hans.

So tell us, what happened?

Did you fuck her or not?

I'm sorry to disappoint you kids, but it didn't work out.

And I won't try again.

See? I knew it!

The old maid won't budge.

Yes, I'm sorry, but you won the bet.

But let me tell you one thing.

Miss Eberhardt is a fantastic woman. She deserves nothing but respect.

You girls could learn a thing or two from her.

- Are you crazy? - He's got a screw loose!

That's it? I expected a little more.

You got me all excited for nothing!

We felt the same way...

...but the next day we were in for a surprise.

Man, I must be dreaming!

No way! It can't be true!

Miss Eberhardt is coming!

Good morning, ladies.

I've decided to conclude the topic of plants, ladies...

...and instead turn to the study of human organs responsible for...

...the intake of sensory stimuli and related irritability movements.

I assume you'll find this more interesting.

Thank you.

I don't know the artist who drew this...

...but nevertheless, I'd advise her...

...not to have such oversized expectations of men.

I believe we should approach this subject...

...a little more factually.

Wow! Now I'm totally blown away!

Well, your friend Hans sure pulled a fast one on you!

You can say that again!

But he never would admit that he actually did get into her pants.

We found out later that he was in a serious relationship with her.

Well, it's been a long time since I had a naked man in front of me!

Yeah, right! Stop joking around. I don't believe a word of it.

No, really! It's been almost two weeks!

Honestly.

For sure!

Remember when I had to go to Cologne with my parents two weeks ago?

My cousin Uschi and I seized the opportunity...

...and went for a ride in the country.

Most likely without any panties!

NO FISHING

Come on! Bite, little fishes!

Bite, so Daddy's got something for dinner tonight!

Come on, already.

Bite!

I discovered this lake a few weeks ago.

No one ever comes out here.

Have you ever gone skinny-dipping?

- No, why? - It's great! I'm telling you!

You feel totally free!

The feeling of the water engulfing your pussy...

...will give you goosebumps!

Come on, Uschi, hurry up! I have to pee.

- Just pee in the lake. - No, it will make the fish get horny!

So what? Fish like to have sex, too.

Hey! Careful!

It's contagious. Now I have to pee, too.

I hope no one comes along.

I told you, no one ever comes out here.

Here we go.

Wow! Uschi! Check out your breasts! They're twice the size of mine!

Yes, but you better stop, or I'll make love to you.

- But I'm no lesbian! - Did you think I was?

Your breasts are really nice, too!

I bet everyone wants a feel of these!

- Some guys prefer small tits. - Stop talking trash!

Girl, you're as white as Emmentaler cheese!

Well, you don't look like you've seen much sun this year, either!

I was thinking the same thing. It's about time I got a little tan.

- Have you ever shaved your pussy? - Yes.

But never again! It itches terribly when the hair starts growing back.

Did you know that fish have dicks?

No, I never heard that one before.

Ah! It feels great!

Come here!

I'm going to dunk you!

- I just got bit by a fish! - Where?

Just look at that!

- I'm coming for you! - Go ahead!

Okay... and now...

I'm getting out. It's too cold.

I've had enough, too. I'm going to lay out in the sun.

Hey, Uschi! All our things are gone!

What? That's impossible!

Can't you see? Everything's gone! This is where we left our clothes.

Then someone must have stolen our stuff!

Hello! Is anybody there?

Hello!

Good day, ladies. My name is Muller.

Did you steal our clothes?

Steal? Who would use an expression like that?

Why don't you come a little closer?

Absolutely not, you dirty old man!

Give us our stuff back, and hurry up!

Why be so unfriendly? There's no need to nitpick!

Two yummy-looking girls like you!

Just come a little closer! We can work everything out!

Work out what?

A finder's fee, for example. For lost panties!

You pig! If you don't return our things...

...we'll scream for help!

Go ahead, scream away! Maybe the fish will hear you!

There must be a better way to deal with this guy.

Watch me.

If you want to play around with us, you'll have to catch us first!

And whomever you catch first is yours to feel up!

I'll catch one of them!

Here we go!

1, 2, 3...

All right!

Help! Careful!

What a bummer!

That's the third time.

No... the other way.

Help, a police dog!

- Do you see anyone around? - No.

But look! There are some clothes. Let's take them and get out of here!

Okay!

Here's a jacket.

- These are a little too big. - It doesn't matter.

You won't get away with this!

I... We... We only...

Somebody stole our clothes!

So you thought you could do the same thing to us?

- Right? - No.

- No. I mean... Actually... - Actually, what?

We just wanted to borrow the clothes.

We would have returned them. For sure!

Do we have anything to loan, Werner?

No, definitely not. We're not a costume rental.

Take them off!

If someone's going home naked, it's you... not us!

Yeah, but... There!

There he is! That's the dirty dog who stole our clothes!

Come on, Heinz! Let's catch that guy!

Ouch! Please! Take your hands off me!

Just pretend you're in the army and have to follow our every order!

- Otherwise, we'll bite off your balls! - Oh no... not the balls!

- Not from behind, again! - Yes, from behind!

Please, don't! Put me down! Put me down!

- And... go! - Ouch!

- Stand still! - Yes, sir!

- Hat off! - Hat on!

- Take off your clothes! - Faster!

I can't go faster.

By the time I count to 10, you're naked!

- Yes, General! - One, two, three, four...

- Pants off! - Hurry up!

Yes! Pants off...

- Faster! - Yes, faster!

- Five, six... - They won't come off!

...seven, eight...

- Stand still! - Yes, standing still.

- Carry on! - Yes, carrying on.

If I'd have know, I would have worn briefs!

- Attention! - Yes sir!

- About face! - About face.

- About face! - Yes sir!

- Push-up! - Yes sir!

- Attention! - Attention.

- Salute! - Yes sir!

Oh... it's still there.

- I think it's time for a swim. - Yes!

No more!

Watch out! I'm about to get wet!

That's it, ladies. Take 'em off.

And let me add... hurry it up. Okay?

Nudism spiced up with a little bit of love!

It's always been a dream of mine!

Listen... I'll take this one, and you have the other. Okay?

These are a couple of hot chicks!

We have nothing against you...

...but using force isn't our idea of a good time.

What do you mean, "force"?

Come on, Werner. Let's go.

- No, no! I was just saying... - ... that it's all right!

Go back under!

I said back under!

Go under, or else!

Under!

Come!

My dick is shriveling up...

Go under!

Oh, man! This is so hot!

Susanne? Come here.

- Yes, what is it? - Look who's in the paper.

- Who? - In this photo.

- Isn't this you...? - Oh, yes! Yes, that's him!

- Are you still going out with him? - No, I broke it off.

I guess he was a little too old for you.

You know, for his age he was a very cool guy.

And he always treated me like a lady.

I can believe that. How did you hook up with him?

Well, it was...

You know my father is the accountant...

...at his brewery, right?

And that's how the whole thing started.

It was a Sunday afternoon.

For God's sake! That damned TV! Can't you turn it down a bit?

It's driving me crazy!

You're just in a bad mood!

Susanne! Don't talk to your father like that!

- He's got a lot of problems! - I'm at the end of my rope, Erna!

Grumbach is just looking for a reason to fire me!

Can he really do that?

"Can he?" "Can he?" Of course he can!

He make make up anything and say it was my mistake!

Are you finished with the itemization?

It's my nerves that are finished!

He knew this couldn't be done over the weekend!

If I turn it in the way it is now, I'm finished!

I'm running out of ideas.

I'll take it over to Grumbach if you don't have the guts!

Yes... just let her go.

And you really went to see him?

Yes, of course!

Your parents didn't stop you?

I think they were too embarrassed.

In fact, my father was relieved that he didn't have to go.

Honestly now... you weren't at all nervous?

Susanne?

What a surprise! Have you been waiting long?

I apologize, the maid's off today, and my wife's at a health resort.

My father asked me to deliver these documents.

He said it was important that...

Yes, don't worry about these. It really doesn't matter.

I can take care of business later. Do you play billiards?

- No. - You really should learn, Susanne.

The table is inside. What are we waiting for?

Would you care for some liquor or a glass of champagne?

- No thanks. - A little sip won't do any harm.

You're not going to turn me down, are you?

He played billiards with you?

Billiards comes from the French 'bille'... meaning ball.

But it's all about the billiard cue. There are striking differences.

Oh, little Susanne! You're such a sweet girl.

So sweet...

You wouldn't believe how many different bank shots can be taken.

That's so nice! Yes!

Alfred had mastered every variation in the book.

The firmness and angle of your stroke...

...reflects the level of skill in your technique.

When the balls really start moving...

...and you can hear them slapping up against the cushions...

...then you know you're playing the game right.

You ride me so well!

Shoot!

- Does it feel good? - Yes!

Man! Are sure you're not making all this up, Susi?

None of it! I swear!

He spoiled me in every way! With fancy dinners, for example.

He showered me with gifts.

Of course I was impressed!

This went on for several months, until...

...I wanted to do it outside. On the grass, or in the hay.

It seemed more romantic to me.

We often went for a ride somewhere out in the country...

...and usually ended up doing it in a small inn somewhere.

This went on for a few more months, until just recently.

Look around! I bought the whole property!

I'll build a large country home with all the amenities!

It's a beautiful spot! Are you planning on living here full time...

...with your wife?

With my wife? God help us! She always at some health resort.

No. This place will be for love. For you and me!

- For me? - Of course!

This will be our hideaway for... you know what!

Oh, Freddie! This is so wonderful!

Here's where the sauna will be, with a huge fireplace, right?

Definitely. A gigantic one!

And Freddie... where is our bedroom going to be?

Let me think. Where would you like it to be?

What's the matter?

Come, love...

What? Here?

Here and now! Why not? I feel like doing it right now!

But... what if someone sees us?

No one will. Don't be such a prude.

Well...

Girl, look at your body! You're driving me crazy!

How much longer do I have to stand here?

Or... don't you want me anymore?

Of course I do! Yes...

Well, there you go.

Please, you have to get undressed, too.

Where? Here on the grass?

I want to feel your skin on mine.

All right. If you absolutely insist.

The possibility of being watched turns me on. It excites me!

Yes. And that's exactly why I feel so uncomfortable.

Come on, hurry! We're not in your bedroom.

Good grief...

Did you hurt yourself?

Damned disc is acting up!

Poor thing! And all because of me.

That feels better.

Ah... so good!

Wait...

Ah! That damned disc again!

Did you hear something?

Just a crow. Can't you tell?

You finish so quickly, lately.

Let's take a little break now. Then we'll try again later. Okay?

Sounds familiar. Anyway, it won't happen.

I'm well aware that I'm not a teenager anymore.

I didn't mean it that way, my dear Freddie.

Let's go to my place, okay?

I had the strange feeling that somehow everything had changed.

It certainly wasn't his fault.

It felt like I was sitting in a theater...

...watching the two of us on stage from the perspective of another person.

- Freddie? - What is it?

You know, I've been thinking about us.

And what have you concluded?

I think we're both fooling ourselves.

That's unexpected news, I must say!

I thought it was incredibly exciting...

...that a man like you, who's revered by everyone...

...was interested in me, of all people.

And I also think it was some kind of ego boost for you...

...that a young schoolgirl had the hots for you.

Why would you assume such a thing?

Well, what would you say if I was pregnant?

You shouldn't even think about that!

Are you saying you think I would leave you?

No, you wouldn't. But you couldn't accept it, either.

You'd make some arrangements...

...the same way you deal with everything else.

I still don't understand what you're talking about.

It's just that I've realized there's no future for the two of us.

For that reason, I think we should break it off...

...before it's too late.

Is there someone else?

No. You were the first man in my life.

But if you love me, you'll let me go.

And how did you picture this?

Should we part ways like two children who've had a fight?

No, Freddie. Not after all the beautiful things...

...we experienced together.

You know what? Let's drive somewhere...

...and spend a nice afternoon together!

Maybe it really is for the best.

And it was bound to happen someday!

You're not mad at me?

Mad at you?

No, but I just put those 20 years back on.

That's it. Now you know the whole story.

And your parents?

They must have noticed all the gifts he gave you.

Jewelry and clothes.

I think they didn't really want to know.

Anyway, my father's job is now safe and sound.

They're finally here!

I have to write some postcards...

We're here, ladies. Please exit the bus.

- Finally! - I can't sit another minute!

Try and behave like human beings, even if it's difficult!

They're trying their best right now.

I wonder what's in store for us.

After you, please.

Maurer.

I'm the director, Miss Maurer. My name is Huber.

You may call me Dr. Maurer. I'm the teacher.

My pleasure. As I said, you may call me Huber.

- This is my wife. - Nice to meet you.

- Thank you. - She's helping out.

What a beautiful little baroque manor.

I'm sure we'll love it here.

We also serve the best coffee in town.

Thing's are a bit chaotic right now, but you should be used to that.

No problem.

Listen up, everyone!

He must be off his rocker! Let's see...

Hey, Uncle, say cheese! I definitely need a picture of you!

What for?

A scarecrow for Halloween!

Pick up your luggage and follow me! In lockstep... march!

If I may, let me introduce myself...

...Steinbach. I'm also with this group.

Your husband is handling things quite well.

Well, he used to be a sergeant.

I see. He hasn't forgotten anything, nor has he learned anything new.

- Hey look! She dyed her pussy! - Who did?

Now she's a blonde!

Hey! Can you throw me a washcloth?

Hey! I don't need help washing my breasts!

Hey... Mr. Huber is watching us!

Keep washing... don't let on...

...but Mr. Huber is getting a hard-on from watching us.

Hey! Mr. Huber is watching us from outside the shower!

Just watch...

Have you no shame?

An old man like you playing peeping Tom?

- I only wanted to... - Everybody does!

Oh my, Alois! What happened to you?

The valve on the water pump broke again.

- And so I got... - No harm done.

You should have fixed it the first time around, you fat pig!

I intended to. You know that orderliness is my guiding principle.

Oh, you and your orderliness can kiss my ass!

- You old fool! - What?

Put on some fresh clothes! And hurry up!

Watch your mouth, you old nag!

I really like your hot pants!

Over here you can see a characteristic example of the mixed forest.

I assume everyone knows...

...the white-barked trees at the edge of the forest.

Birgit?

- Asparagus! - Birgit! What's on your mind?

Those are birch trees, of course!

What do you see over there, Gabi?

I see a tent.

- Do you think someone is in there? - Of course!

Isn't it obvious? Why else would there be a tent?

I'd like to know who's inside.

It'd be a great place to make out!

So, ladies, why are you so interested in this tent?

It would be interesting to know...

...if the man inside is young or old.

- Or if there are two of them! - Wow! He's built like Adonis!

- I'd love to have him! - The perfect father for my children!

Hey... that's Jurgen!

Your Jurgen actually followed through.

At least now you know where to find him.

Please, don't let on.

How strange! Does anyone know that young man?

No, not in the slightest!

He's just waving because it's such a nice day.

Please, let's move on ladies.

Our subject today is the forest, not wandering nomads.

- Sex in the forest is great fun! - Why did Evi stay home today?

I think she was feeling nauseous.

- Are you crazy, girl? - Yes, crazy for you!

Damn it! Do you have any idea of the situation you've put me in?

Unbelievable!

Get out of my room!

Please don't send me away! I love you!

- I'm not the little girl you think! - You deserve a good spanking!

Please... spank me all you want!

- But don't send me away! - Now you listen to me, girl!

If anyone sees you in here, I'll go to jail.

And I'll never teach again.

Yet you say you love me, while putting me in such a position?

But I can't fight my feelings!

Come on, put on some clothes.

- And then you'll leave. - No!

Leave.

I'll show you!

Evi! I thought you weren't feeling well?

I wasn't, but I feel fine now.

And why are you still here?

Me? I wasn't feeling well, either.

Well, you're a little late. The man is completely exhausted.

You were with Dr. Steinbach?

Of course! What did you think?

And...?

And what? You tell me! Men are all alike.

Look at that!

"We serve milk from happy cows!"

Look at the way she stares at us!

So, Gisela, does that cow remind you of something?

I'd rather not answer that question, Doctor.

No need to prove your immaturity.

Girls, do you know why the cows look so sad?

No.

Just think logically.

If someone milked you every day, and was playing with your tits...

...and you only got to be with a bull once a year...

...you'd be looking just as sad.

How disgusting! You should be ashamed of yourself!

Using foul language in front of young girls!

I didn't think they were that young!

Please, let's move along.

I think you take everything a bit too seriously, Doctor.

You're not exactly making things easier for me.

Oh, these city people!

Come, Inge.

Good day.

That pig! He'll find out what I'm capable of!

Excuse me. Did you see a man come in with a young woman?

Um... yes. A man and a girl?

Yes, a man and his wife went up to their room.

And Mr. Steinbach and his wife asked not to be disturbed.

With his wife?

Well, what's it to you?

It's none of my business whether the lady is actually his wife or not.

What did you want with him?

Nothing. It's all right. I don't want to disturb them right now. Bye!

- Strange girl. - Lying bastard!

By now he's kissing her breasts.

And Inge was just waiting for it! That horny bitch!

I know she's going to ride him until he's completely worn out!

That dirty little bitch!

I'll finish him off! I'll finish him off!

I'll make sure they'll remember me forever!

I can practically see her pulling him deeper inside her...

...with her legs wrapped around his ass!

That perverted whore!

Thinking how he's sucking her tits! It's driving me insane!

Now he's probably doing her from behind like a bull!

I'll bet she loves it like that! The horny little slut!

I'll make sure he ends up in jail! I swear it!

Jurgen, you must never leave me again.

- Never. - It would be terrible.

The smell of the grass and the hay.

It's so much nicer here than in your flat.

As long as you're with me, I'm happy anywhere.

Annette!

I have to be back by 10:00.

- Good morning, Doctor. - Good morning.

Annette Strassmann has disappeared.

At least she didn't spend the night at the hostel.

- What are you going to do? - Search for her, of course.

- Should I... - No, no... I'll handle this myself!

- I have a pretty good idea. - If you say so.

Good morning.

- Excuse me... - Excuse what?

This situation?

Annette, please get dressed and come with me.

Miss Strassmann, do you realize this is going to have consequences?

- It already has, Dr. Maurer. - What do you mean?

I'm going to have a baby.

For God's sake!

I certainly wasn't expecting this.

When is the child due?

Around Christmas.

This is a lovely mess!

And what did your parents say?

They have no idea.

I'm sure you realize we have to do something.

I will notify your parents.

You have to see where I'm coming from.

I think this is it.

- Is this the Marienstift Hostel? - Good day. Yes, it is.

It seems pleasant here, Ottilie.

So we agree? We'll support Annette 100%.

If her father harms a hair on her head, he's going to get it!

What do you plan to do?

No idea. We'll come up with something.

We'll invade his house, or something.

Or what?

If he threatens to ruin her name, we'll inform the newspapers.

I know a reporter. Isn't Annette's father a public servant?

- He's an attorney. - Even better!

He'll be worried about his reputation.

I'll make sure he's finished if he disgraces Annette.

So... he's an attorney.

Excuse me, Mr. Strassmann?

I'm Evi Gundermann, a classmate of Annette's.

Do you have something to tell me about my daughter?

Not exactly. Is it true you're an attorney?

- Yes, I'm an attorney general. - I really need to talk to you!

- You don't mean now? - Yes, Mr. Strassmann.

It's important I speak with you before you go in.

Well, what do you have to tell me?

What does she want with him?

It can't be anything good. I don't trust that bitch.

A scandal of unheard of proportions!

What was going through your mind...

...when you ruined my daughter's reputation?

Nothing! Of course!

Terms like responsibility and obligation are foreign to you!

Maybe I could get a word in as well, Mr. Strassmann.

The last thing I need is insolence from you, young man!

That was not my intention.

First off, I don't believe I have ruined Annette's reputation.

As an attorney, you must know that "reputation" is a relative term.

I won't be lectured to by you!

Does giving birth to a child ruin a woman's reputation?

That's a ridiculous question!

My daughter was an innocent girl until you turned her into a whore!

I think you're going a little too far, Mr. Strassman.

I'm going too far?

First, you toss out any concept of morality...

...and now I'm the one who's going too far?

I understand your sense of outrage, but this isn't about morality.

- Rather, it's about the facts. - I couldn't agree more!

It all comes down to facts...

...and I'm about to examine those facts...

...in my official capacity!

What do you mean?

Obviously, it's no wonder that innocent young children...

...are being corrupted by the atmosphere in this school.

The teachers set a rather poor example!

If I had only known...

Would you please explain these incredible accusations, Mr. Attorney General?

I certainly will, Mr. Teacher.

And I'll do so right here and now!

Will you admit that you slept with one of your students...

...the day before yesterday in a public guest house?

Yes.

You admit it?

I admit to booking a room with my wife at a guest house here in the village.

Stop telling fairy tales!

You had sexual intercourse with the student, Ingeborg Vollmoller!

I have witnesses, Mr. Teacher!

That is statutory rape!

Before making such accusations...

...I suggest you do better research.

Please don't tell me how to do my job!

Well, then I hope you're prepared to apologize...

...to me, and my wife.

It's true, Ingeborg Vollmoller is my wife.

We got married eight months ago.

Three months ago, she decided to go back to school and get her diploma.

By mere chance, I was assigned to the same school.

At the start of the new school year, mind you.

By that point, my wife will have graduated.

Of course, the Ministry of Education has been informed of these facts.

You'll have to prove that to me.

It will be my pleasure.

But I don't think that's the reason you're here.

What's going to happen to these two?

This isn't how I imagined it would be...

...when I asked for the hand of your daughter...

...but I hereby announce my intention to marry Annette.

Marry her?

A student in his first term, who is nothing and has nothing...

...wants to marry my daughter?

Has my bank account been your target from the start...

...when you fathered the child?

You have no right to insult me!

I don't have the right?

I do have quite a number of rights, mister!

And you'll get to know all of them!

A wedding is totally out of the question!

Enough!

What did you say, Ottilie?

Enough! I said, enough!

What do mean by that?

Enough with the debating!

Of course they're going to get married!

Are you trying to tell me...?

...that I disagree with you? That's right, Wilhelm!

I've never disagreed with you in my entire life...

...and I never stood up for myself.

But now I'm standing up for our daughter and our grandchild.

That's not my grandchild!

Like it or not, you'll have to get used to it, Wilhelm.

Ottilie!

- I will never... - But I will!

After all, I brought substantial wealth into this marriage.

And I expect more to come from my inheritances.

I will make these funds available to the children.

- You cannot do that! - Oh yes I can!

Ottilie! I've never seen you act this way before.

Then you better get used to it, Wilhelm.

"Natura naturans"... nature doing what nature does.

My dear ladies, please think of Homer...

...while drawing these beautiful animals...

...who called Helen both beautiful and cow-eyed.

The cow-eyed Helen! Gabi would be a contender, too!

Don't be impertinent!

Isn't it gorgeous out here in the great outdoors?

- I know a number of cow-eyed chicks. - Shut up!

What an ignorant thing to say!

What have been drawing, Gabi? Let me see it.

Very nice, Gabi. But I don't see a bull in the pasture.

I guess I just felt sorry for the poor cows.

Don't you agree that one bull for three cows would be more humane?

You just said it yourself...

'Natura naturans"... nature doing what nature does.

Only someone who has experienced love...

...knows what's missing in the life of these silly cows!

I would love to milk them day and night!

My pants are about to burst!

Schoolgirls act this way, too.

They're not always stubborn and aggressive...

...as some newspapers would like us to believe.

They love life, having fun, and they love their world.

Why shouldn't they believe...

...that they will always be walking in sunshine?

If they can keep their feet on the ground...

...and view the world around them realistically...

...while living their lives with gusto...

...like the girls in this Schoolgirl Report...

...which was based on actual events.