Original subtitles

Jimmy?

Jimmy!

Jimmy?

Jimmy?

Your girlfriend's hair is clogging up the drain.

Maybe you should help clean up after her.

It's not my job.

Then who's job is it?

Hers!

Then tell her to clean up after herself.

If she's going to stay over, she has to abide by the rules!

Why don't you try and tell her.

She only jiangs the hua yu.

She only speaks Chinese? How do you guys communicate?

The language of love.

How about the language of health and safety...

...when it comes to staying at someone's house?

Do you realize, this is an ever growing festering, ball of bacteria!

I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a little depressed.

We haven't worked for six months, maybe you should be thinking about that!

It starts with a home - a nice, clean, fresh home!

What are you an actor or domestic help?

I'll throw this in your face! You frustrate me!

Is something else bothering you, Bob?

You gotta convince Jimmy to break up with Ding Ding.

They can't even communicate with each other!

Actually, I haven't talked to him for a while.

Since Ding Ding?

I just don't understand that relationship.

Yeah, I mean they can't even talk to each other.

As I recall, you can't talk to Lingual.

Okay. This is not about me!

At least we speak the same language!

How'd they get together then?

Language of love aside,

why are you going out with her?

You think Mandarin tuition is cheap?

Now I get free classes!

Up top!

No dude! You're using her?

Not using... it's synergistic.

We both benefit.

Besides what's it got to do with you?

I'm trying to clean up our house and our lives...

...so we can get our careers on track...

...and you're using her?

Like a long hair dictionary.

I find that term really derogatory.

Well, that's what you're doing!

Bob's really concerned about your relationship.

Oh, yeah?

What in particular?

So he's not really concerned about my relationship...

...just her health and safety standards.

Well, it may be a risk, right?

Look, we're all just one generation removed from the village,

so don't you take the high ground.

Besides,

she makes really authentic fried rice.

And it's nice to have someone there.

I'm sorry...

As long as you're not using her.

Just so you know, squatting is the anatomically correct way to defecate.

Looked up on Wikipedia.

That's not the reason.

And I am going to break up with Ding Ding.

Just not sure how yet.

Now how do you use this mop thing?

Bob? You okay in there?

Yeah...

Hey!

If I have to clean house - relationship wise, why don't you?

Lingual's a completely different story.

Yeah, 'cause she completely dominates you.

That's not true.

Where were you last night?

Home?

And you couldn't call me or text me?

-I don't have to call you every night... -Are we in a relationship?

'Cause I need to know who you're with, what you're doing and where you at!

All the time.

Ba Ba Ba Ba

Ba Ba Ba Ba

-Hey, hey, hey! -Hey!

Hey, Ding Ding.

Nice knowing you.

Forever!

Dude, I'm really really proud of you!

You inspired me.

I'm off to do the same thing.

With my comfort coffee!

Good luck.

Uh, Ding Ding...

How do I say this...

Boy... girl.

Together... not good.

Break up...

...better.

You see?

Together...

Incompatible.

So, they should...

Together

Not good.

So, they should break up!

Forever!

You know what I mean?

Forever.. um.

Boy, girl, together, forever, right?

Yes, yes. Right.

Marriage. That's called 'marriage'.

That's marriage?

That's how you say break up?

Marriage.

Marriage?

Okay.

I knew you'd go crazy if I did this over the phone so...

...I'm doing this in person as hard as this is for me.

Are you breaking up with me?

Just let me finish what I want to say, okay?

Then say it!

It's, it's just not so straight forward...

-Spit it out! -Well, okay.

Just give me a moment! I'm just trying to click my thoughts.

You have thoughts?

Right there. Right there.

I hate when you cut me down.

Are you cleaning house?

What are you talking about?

Am I part of your house cleaning? Are you...

Are you blaming me for your lack of career, is that what this it?

No! No!

Where do you get these crazy ideas?

What's crazy is you thinking that you can break up with me!

Because it's not going to happen!

-What do you mean it's not... -Get out!

-Just get out of my room. -This is my room.

Just get out. You're impossible.

That's really rich coming from you, Bob!

Trying to get rid of me? What...

Like you clean the windows and Ding Ding's hair?

Is that? You're, you're...

-You're disgusting! -Just calm down!

Get out of my room!

This is my room!

-My room! -Fine.

Lingual.

Lingual!

Lingual, what are you doing?

Why do you care?

Open the door!

Do you know the most lethal way to overdose?

What the hell are you talking about? Open the damn door!

Paracetamol, any more than 8 a day,

gives lethal, irreversible liver damage.

And I've got about 20.

You think you doing this, you're gonna get us back together?

You're crazy! Open the door!

Lingual, open the door!

-One.. -What the hell are you talking about?

Open the damn door!

Lingual!

Two...

This is ridiculous. Open the damn door. Right now!

Three.

Hey, guys...

Thanks for coming..

They pumped her stomach, she's stable now.

Is she ever stable?

She's in a hospital, Jane. Give her a break.

It's her fault and you fell for it again.

I warned you about this girl.

Look, I tried breaking up with her.

What was I supposed to do? Just leave her there to die?

So are you together still or what?

Well, no. Maybe... I...

We'll see after she recovers.

Guys, have a heart!

Bob, you're such a walkover.

Yeah, whatever, Jane, okay?

How'd it go for you?

Pretty good.

She cried and ran out.

So you guys wanna come in and see her?

We're not here to see her.

We're here to support you...

...and to tell you to break up with her...

...because you're just completely buying into her stupid mind games.

Okay, it's complicated. Alright, Jane?

I..I gotta get back in there.

Thanks for the support guys.

Hey, let us know if you need any... help.

You really wanna help?

Yeah.

Now that you've broken up with Ding Ding and she's gone,

you can help me by cleaning up the house.

Guess I'm gonna go clean then!

Need some help?

I'm so glad you broke up with Ding Ding.

For awhile there, I almost lost respect for you.

Is that why you stayed away?

Yeah, kinda.

Glad to have the friendship back on track though.

Do you mind if I take a shower before I go?

I'm kinda sweaty...

Yeah, sure.

-You know where the shower is. -Yeah.

Ding Ding...

...what are you doing here?

No, no, no...

...ding ding Di-ding, Ding Ding

No!

Shower.

Shower?

Yeah.

Hey, Jane!

What?

I just thought you could change in Bob's room?

I was going to use yours, since it was closer.

Well, I'll change in my room after I've have my shower, right?

So change in Bob's room, and then I'll meet you in the living room?

Okay?

Okay.

Why're we whispering?

I'm not!

Ding Ding!

You stay here...

Don't move, okay?

Oh, hey!

Oh! You haven't showered yet?

No... just about to...

Lingual's stash... she won't miss it.

Jane...

Suddenly, I feel really down... all of a sudden...

Is it the breakup?

Yeah, yeah.

I crushed her. She was totally devastated.

I think I just gonna sleep it off

Can I call you tomorrow?

Sit down. Let's talk about it.

No, no. I think I need to be alone.

Okay...

Well, good night then!

Good night!

Call me tomorrow!

Yeah...

Bye! Thanks...

No. No. Wait.

No!

No. Ding Ding. No.

Remember, no. No.

I forgot my purse...

Jane...

I just think you'd be more comfortable at home.

Well, as usual, you thought wrong.

Okay, well then where do you wanna go?

Home.

Your home.

How about I take you to your favorite bar.

-Now you're talking. -Then I'll take you home.

We'll see after a few drinks.

Is that Jane?

Let's go join her!

Jane! What are you doing here drinking alone?

I'll get us another round.. Where's the bartender?

Lingual, take a seat! Keep Jane company!

I'll be right back!

I love your mascara,

I didn't know the panda look was in.

So, in one foul swoop you saved both your liver and your relationship?

At least I have one.

Built on voodoo shrines and emotional blackmail.

What were you doing in Bob's room?

Getting dressed.

Look what the cat just dragged in.

Bob, don't go after her.

Jane...

Lingual?

Bob!

How many times do I have to tell you? She's emotionally blackmailing you!

What if she tries to kill herself again, huh?

It's a game! It's not real!

You're just a puppet.

Just break up with her. You're not responsible for her.

Haven't you felt responsible for anyone before?

Yeah, and if it doesn't work,

break it off!

It's Lingual.

Jane...

you may not believe me but at least,

let me tell you what happened.

I don't need to know. It's none of my business.

All I am saying is, it was a total misunderstanding.

That is a huge understatement.

I mean between Ding Ding and me because we can't really communicate.

-I thought this was about us? -Well, yes.

We have a misunderstanding too.

Actually, there's no misunderstanding from how I see it.

It's pretty clear.

You lied to me.

It's really not you. I mean it.

It's me. I'm the one with issues.

I can't hear the TV.

I'm just not ready to be in a relationship right now.

Shut up, Bob.

Can we turn that off for a minute? I really wanna talk.

What's there to talk about? So you have issues.

Fix them!

I'm just a loser actor that barely gets any acting work.

No, you're not.

You're better off without me!

I don't have anybody else but you.

It's not you, it's me.

I'm just a useless actor who doesn't even get work.

Actor!

To you!

-Is it serious? -Yes?

What?

It didn't work.

-Me, neither. -What?

You said this was foolproof!

Well, what did she say?

She said...

Well, I don't know.

But she ended up holding me so, I'm pretty sure we didn't break up.

What about you?

She told me she has no one else but me.

She's such low self-esteem.

I can't do it.

You gotta build up her self-esteem first.

Then break up with her.

That's it!

Jimmy you do it!

Do what?

Build up her self-esteem!

How?

Hit on her!

Hit on your girlfriend?

My soon to be ex-girlfriend.

And besides, you have a girlfriend so it's safe, right?

And girls...

Well, they totally dig it.

If a guy has a girl and they still hit on em',

it must mean, they're attractive.

She'll totally get a confidence boost.

Then, I break up with her!

Okay...

Makes sense.

Hey!

But what about me?

Lingual speaks fluent Mandarin. Done.

What? So?

Listen...

You ask her to translate your break up while you hit on her!

Two birds with one stone!

Literally.

You're really different from Bob!

Less anal.

Wow you're sharp.

Intellectually.

As well as image-wise.

What are you saying, Jimmy?

Just that you're...

...pretty.

Sophisticated...

I don't know what I'm saying.

So, I need some help translating my breakup.

This is what I've written so far.

You're breaking up with her over the phone?

Never ever break up with a girl via text.

It's cowardly and it's the one thing a girl will not stand for.

So what do I do?

I'll translate for you in person.

You're so confident...

...and strong.

It's really attractive.

So, did it work?

Totally. I hit on her.

She's feeling really confident.

She's here to help me break up with Ding Ding.

-Good luck. Good luck. -Well, thanks.

Hey, just wait 'till I break up first, okay?

Oh yeah. Yeah. Of course.

You might wanna leave the house now.

Jimmy!

You're trying to break up with me over SMS, Bob?

Bob!

Bob!

Open this stupid door, Bob!

Finally.

But this has gotta be the worst breakup we have ever had.

It's from Lingual.

What does this mean?

"Call me or else."

Get ready to start making some trips to the hospital!

Bob?

Bob!