Original subtitles

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Not you! Piss off!

What the fu...

Lizzie?

- Hey. - Hey.

How are you?

I'm fine. Why?

What do you mean, why? I’m asking how you are.

- That's not weird, that's normal. - You've never asked me how I am before.

Bloody hell! I won't do it again, then. Sorry for asking.

That's more like it.

Aww. Don't you want to live happily ever after?

Please. Do I look like I have a Cinderella complex?

Are you going?

It's an appropriated American tradition that celebrates sexism

and peddles an unrealistic portrayal of romantic love. So, no.

Agreed. Ritualized teenage fun sucks.

Eric would have forced me to go. He loves that stuff.

- He genuinely has a Cinderella complex. - Have you apologized yet?

Yeah, I tried, but he's still not talking to me.

He'll come round. Maybe.

Anyway, your 8:30 awaits.

- Thanks. See you later. - Good luck.

See you later.

I don't understand why Lizzie doesn’t want to go to the ball with me.

I have tried every romantic gesture in the book.

Have you tried asking her?

That was the first thing I did.

She said that she was flattered, but she wasn't dating.

- Okay. - But things change, though.

And she was flattered.

Well, I know it’s hard, but if you've asked her and she's said no,

then I think you've got your answer.

But maybe her dad squished the message on the cake with his foot,

so she doesn't know that I’m still interested?

You said you sent her a letter,

Yeah, it was full of glitter and green Jelly Babies.

I know that she likes them.

But the post is unreliable. It might not have arrived.

And you also spelt out "I love you" on her lawn in leaves?

- Yeah, but that could have blown away. - I think the answer's no, Liam.

But she hasn't actually said no.

And girls love big gestures, right?

Like Jackson singing to Maeve Wiley, and now they're together.

That's different. Maeve actually likes Jackson.

It would have been inappropriate

if Jackson had continued to make grand gestures

to a girl who made it clear she wasn't interested.

Do you understand, Liam?

No means no.

Unless it means yes.

Okay, let's.... um... let's go through this again.

Hey! What time shall I pick you up tonight?

- What for? - For the ball.

I’m not going to the ball.

Course you are. We're going together.

What about me says school dance?

But...

I bought a suit, I got you a corsage.

You got me a flower handcuff, but forgot to invite me?

Yeah... We're going out.

I thought it was a given.

Oh, come on. I've been really looking forward to this.

- Mm-hmm? - Me and you, dancin', havin' fun?

You know what fun is, right?

- It's what people our age do sometimes... - Yeah, very funny.

Come on, it won't be good without you.

Come on, please?

- Fine. - Yes!

No selfies, or slow dances, or soppy song requests.

Okay, yeah, cool.

- I'll pick you up at 7:30. - Mm.

- Wait, you do have a dress, right? - Yeah, course. I'm not a troglodyte.

Yeah!

Shit...

Ah...

Yeah.

- Hello, Jakob. - Yeah, hello.

I seem to have broken my kitchen tap.

- Who is this? - Jean.

Jean Milburn? You did my bathroom recently.

Yeah. I remember.

Do you think you could possibly come and fix it?

No, I can't. I'm busy.

Er... Okay. Well, it's not an emergency.

Tomorrow?

Well, I'll check my schedule and get back to you.

Goodbye.

Sorry. Work stuff.

And, uh...

why do you think Moordale would be a good fit for you, young lady?

To be honest,

my current school is in administration

because the headmistress embezzled our finances.

She's on the run now in Mexico with our geography substitute, Mr Peabody.

So, I kind of need a new school. For, like, education.

It's true!

Well... honesty is exactly the kind of attribute

we look for in this institution.

Also, your grades are very impressive, and we are aiming to improve our average.

Come on.

Ola? What are you doing here?

Uh... I'm looking for a new school. Your headmaster is considering me.

Although he's a very rigid man.

Like a living Easter Island statue.

- Yeah. - Stop flirting now. Come on.

Just wait in the van. I'll be there in a minute.

You never called.

Yeah, I, um...

I composed a bunch of texts, and after reading them,

I just felt immensely uncool.

So, I decided to not text you anything.

I'm an idiot, sorry.

I heard the Untouchables are coming in a limousine!

Oh, my God! If I had a limousine, I would totally have sex in it and film it.

School dance tonight.

Right. Are you going?

It’s an appropriated American tradition that celebrates sexism

and peddles an unrealistic portrayal of romantic love, so...

I like dances.

You do?

Yeah, I think dancing's fun.

Anyway, I'd better go. Bye, Otis.

See you.

Ola!

Ola, uh...

Do you... do you want to go to the dance with me?

- Yes. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Okay, cool.

Well, um, it starts at eight, I think.

So, aim to get there for seven?

I'll pick you up at 6:30. On time's late.

- I'll meet you at yours at seven. - Okay.

Okay.

Eric!

- You forgot the shopping list. - Oh, Mum.

I called Headmaster Groff.

He said that you can go to the dance tonight if you want to.

- I don't. - Maybe you can come to church with us?

I don't go to church anymore, Mum.

Hm?

Everyone loves you.

So, how's it lookin'?

Well, you look like an angry aubergine.

Yeah, well I can’t afford it anyway, so...

Can't Action Man buy you a dress?

His name is Jackson. And, no, I'm not his housewife.

Why does he annoy you so much?

He doesn't. I actually quite like him.

I'm just not sure he's the right guy for you, that's all.

Try this one. It's a little bit less magician's assistant.

I'm happy with Jackson, all right?

Well, fine. Have a lovely life watching Sergeant Do-Good swim

while you raise an army of his perfect children.

Whatever.

- Well? - Yeah, it’s actually nice.

I told you my price limit. This is way too expensive.

Sean?

Hello. I am so sorry for interrupting your shopping today,

but my little sister, Maeve, is going to her first school dance tonight

and she has just found the perfect dress.

There she is! Come on out, Maeve. Come on.

Doesn’t she look so pretty?

Except, the problem is, we can't afford this dress,

because, recently...

we were orphaned.

Earlier this year, our dad, who served this country bravely,

died in combat and our mum passed shortly after.

Cancer.

But if they had been here today to see my little sister,

they would have been so proud of their little girl.

Now, I know it's unorthodox, but if you could give anything,

then we might be able to help my sister get the dress of her dreams.

Thank you.

What is your problem? You can't say we're orphans!

Oh, I'm sorry. Would you rather I told them

that Mum's a junkie and that Dad fucked off?

I don't think they would have enjoyed that story as much.

We were born alone and we will die alone

so we might as well get what we can along the way.

You're welcome.

Hey, man, do you know how to get to Ellencot?

I’m trying to get to get to a wedding reception and my GPS totally screwed me.

Um...

Yeah. Uh...

Yeah... Yeah, you... You're going in the right direction.

Um, it's that way, uh, it's about 15 minutes.

Take a left at the primary school.

- Okay. Thanks, man. - Uh...

Your nails are fierce.

Thanks, kid.

Want my advice? Stick to the jewel tones.

I'll get it, Mum!

I'll get it!

- Darling, is that for you? - Yeah.

- Where are you going? - School dance.

With who?

Hey! Um... Wow. Okay... You look cool.

- You look fantastic. - Thank you. You look great yourself.

Thanks.

I'm here for the sink.

- Great. Marvelous. - Okay.

- Yeah. - You behave.

You behave.

Do you want to come in for a bit?

- No, we're good. See you. - Okay.

- Bye. - Bye, have a lovely time.

- Mum, actually... - Yeah?

Uh, do you think maybe you could not sleep with Ola's dad?

It's gonna make things super awkward for me.

I would never. Don't be silly. Um...

Completely inappropriate.

- Okay. - Have a lovely time.

Aww! You both look so smart.

Okay, a little closer together now.

Closer!

Put your arm round him, love.

Go on. Give him a proper hug!

Just take the photo!

Hold on.

Christ! Just take the bloody photo, Maureen.

- Lies! - Rubbish!

- Ooh! - Someone's looking groovy!

Mum!

Groovy is not a thing. It hasn't been for a long time.

Come here.

Have a brilliant time.

Thank you.

Mwah!

- You look great. - Thanks.

- See you soon. - Remember to be back at 10:30, yes?

- What? Why? - You've got training tomorrow morning.

Yeah, but I thought I could, you know... take tomorrow off.

- Why would you think that? - Because of the dance.

I'm sure he can take tomorrow off.

No, he can't.

Can't I just have one fun night? I never do this kind of thing.

Look, you will thank me in a few years. See you at 10:30. Go on. Have a good time.

What?

Wait! I'm coming too!

Okay, let's go.

Thanks for letting me come tonight.

I know you didn’t write that essay.

Um...

I didn't want to break your mother's heart by telling her the truth.

To think my son is a cheater.

I've never been so ashamed of anything in my life.

- Action Man! Come in. - Yes!

My mum is being such a dick! I've gotta be home by 10:30.

You have a curfew? How old are you?

- Hey. - Have you got anything to drink?

- I just wanna have a good time. - Yeah.

We have the cheapest vodka available.

It's pretty much paint stripper, but I promise you it'll do a job.

- Yeah. - No. You're driving.

No, no. I'll drive. That's fine.

That means you two can have your romantic evening and, well...

fuck curfew.

So...

Now I'll fix your sink.

Don't...

Right...

Subtle.

- Nice. - Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

There you go. Now you may enjoy your alcoholic beverage

inside your shitty school ball.

Okay, great. Bye, Sean.

Sean...

Oh, come on. I wanna see all my old teachers' faces.

I'll be in and out in a flash, I promise.

Is Hendricks still sober? Or has he fallen off the old wagon again?

Wonder if he still uses Lynx Africa to cover up the smell.

- Sean! Wait! - Hey.

He's all right. Look, let's just have a good time, okay?

- Hey. - Hm.

Come on.

- Let’s get a photo. - I said no photos.

Oh, come on.

Let's do ironic faces. I bet you no one will have thought of that.

- Hey. - Hi.

- Cool, hi. - You're... you're here.

And you're here.

- I'm Ola. - Jackson.

- Sorry. - Nice to meet you.

- You too. - Ola, this... this is Maeve.

- Hi. - Hi.

She's my friend, she's...

- Er... I should... - So...

We should go. I've lost my brother.

- Are we not gonna get a photo? - No.

- Okay. - Uh...

- They seem cool. - Uh, yeah.

Yeah, they are.

L-O-V-E. Love!

- Love. That word? - Praise Jesus!

Love!

- Again! - Love!

Jesus loves!

His love is greater than fear.

- Yes, Pastor! - His love is stronger than uncertainty.

His love is deeper than hate.

- Amen. - Jesus said,

"Love your neighbor as yourself."

Yourself.

Yourself.

Love starts here.

- We must all learn to love ourselves... - Amen!

...before we truly love others.

Who are you to not love yourself?

Praise be!

Aah!

Aah! Yes!

Stand up!

Good to see you and your family.

Eric! How are you?

Look at you! It's good to see you in church.

Come here.

You are welcome here any time.

This is your family.

That's right.

- So, how long you lived here? - 14 years.

We moved just after Otis was born.

Is it "we" as in ex-husband?

- Mm-hmm. - Uh-huh.

So, why did you divorce?

You ask a lot of questions.

And you don't answer many… Is that a therapist thing?

- Does it bother you that I'm a therapist? - No.

Some men feel... observed.

What have you observed...

about me?

That you look nice in yellow.

Well, in the little time that we've known each other,

I'd say that you're also divorced,

that monogamy is a little too... binding,

makes you feel your age.

From your tattoos and lack of driving license,

I'd say you're impulsive,

maybe even reckless.

And you do this quite often, romancing your customers.

That soup was a nice touch, by the way.

And then you move on to the next conquest, before it gets too intimate.

- Mm. Interesting. - Close?

No.

Not really.

I was married...

but my wife died.

She was sick for a very long time.

And Ola, my daughter, helped me to take care of her when I couldn't.

You're the first one I've had sex with since it happened.

I wasn't planning on it.

But you're right, I can be, uh... impulsive.

I really like you, Jean.

I would like to get to know you better.

I'm sorry if I've given you the wrong idea.

Yeah.

I'll go and get dressed.

This is so cool.

Fairytales are all about female suppression.

You know, Beauty and the Beast, basic Stockholm syndrome.

Belle falls in love with a giant beast who's imprisoned her.

The Little Mermaid has to lose her voice just to get a boyfriend.

- Don't get me started on Snow White. - Right, I'm gonna dance.

Cool.

Uh... I don’t really dance.

- But we're at a dance. - It's not really my thing.

Okay. Well, I'm still gonna dance.

You all right, mate?

Hey, man.

Not goin' well, is it?

Come on, let's go get you some punch.

Are you havin' a good time?

Nerve-wracking, isn't, askin' someone to dance?

Look, do you want something to take the edge off?

I've got some Percocet. It's pretty cheap.

- What's Percocet? - It's just something that helps you relax.

No biggie.

Here you are.

- Sean. - Hey, frog-face. Are ya havin' fun?

- Whatever you're doing, please stop. - Why? Are you the police?

I’m not kidding!

Go hang out with your Head Boy and don't worry about me. All right?

I'm going to the dance.

Uh... Wait...

I'll drive you.

- Hey. - Hi.

So, how long have you known Otis?

My dad's been fixing their bathroom. Otis asked me out.

- He's funny, isn't he? - Yeah.

Yeah, he is.

But, um, just between you and me, he's, um...

he's like, really inexperienced.

He hasn't had sex or anything yet. He's a bit confused about all that stuff, so...

don’t be surprised if he doesn’t seem keen.

See you later.

Cheers, boy. Have fun, guys.

It's the Groff-inator! The man himself. Long time no see, mate!

Sean Wiley, I want you off school grounds.

Don't be like that. Come on. What's goin' on with you? Let's catch up!

You are not welcome on this campus.

Leave immediately, or I will call the police.

Wow, you really need to let off some steam, don't you?

How about one of them little choccy breaks, hm?

Leave.

Now.

Well... it's been real.

Bye!

Right, it's time for me to bounce.

I'm gonna take Jacko's car. That is fine, isn't it? Yeah.

- Hey! - Hey.

Hey.

Sean just left, he took your car.

Oh. Well, I hope he crashes it!

Give me a kiss.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Whoa. I'm a little bit drunk. - Hey.

- Hey. - Hey.

This is a shit-show, right?

Did you guys see Ola?

- Oh, yeah... - No.

No.

Okay. Um... Alright.

Oh, I don't feel so good.

- You gonna be sick? - Yeah.

Okay. Come on.

Ola?

- Hi. - Hey.

Found the, uh... art.

Yeah.

I did.

Some of these are quite good.

Well, it's, uh... Moordale's finest.

I mean, this one's my favorite.

Wow, yeah.

I've never...

I've never slept with anyone before, by the way.

Okay. Um...

Why did you tell me that?

Just wanted you to know.

Okay.

But... Did you and Maeve, like, date or something?

I'm picking up a vibe.

No.

Maeve is not the sort of person who would, you know, date me.

What does that mean?

Well, um... Maeve is considerably higher up on the food chain than I am.

You know, I'm like a kangaroo or an armadillo.

Whereas Maeve's like a panther, or a lion, even.

- So what am I on the food chain? - You could be like...

You know those goats that stand on really steep cliffs and just kind of stick?

- I'm a goat? - No! I mean, you don't look like a goat.

You could be, like, a house cat, if you don't like goats.

You know, the skinny ones that just stare at you.

Okay, I'm a skinny house cat, and she's a lion.

Oh, no. Maeve is unattainable,

- and you're... - You're not a kangaroo, Otis.

You're an arsehole.

Ola! I mean...

Fucking idiot.

Eric, wait!

- Are you sure you want to go in like this? - Yes.

- Are you sure you're sure? - Yes.

Why? What's wrong with it?

Wait a second, please.

- When I first came to this country... - Oh, Dad!

...I had to do so much to fit in.

- I never wanted the same for my children. - Okay!

I wanted you to be proud and strong.

But you are... so different.

It makes me feel scared for you.

Your fear doesn't help me, Dad. It makes me feel weak.

But why...

do you have to be so much?

This is me.

I don't want you to be hurt.

Look, I'll be hurt either way. Isn't it better to be who I am?

I told you to wait!

I just shouted at that man.

Yeah.

Yeah, you did.

Maybe...

I am learning from my brave son.

Dad.

What the fuck did you come as, Tromboner? A girl?

- What do you want, Adam? - I’m gonna fucking kill you.

Okay. Are you gonna do it now or later?

Because I'm ready when you are.

- It's comin'. - Okay.

So, later, then?

Great.

Okay...

Now what?

And now, a request. This is for all the couples in the room.

So, grab yourself a partner. But remember to get consent...

Hah! No, seriously. Please do get consent.

Oh, my God. I love this song.

May I have this dance?

Why would I dance with you?

- Because we're best friends. - No, we're not.

Yes, we are. Eric! And I...

I'm just a really bad one sometimes.

I made a mistake and I said some horrible things I didn't mean.

I miss you, and I'm sorry.

You think I'm an attention-seeker.

I think you are the coolest, bravest and kindest person I know.

You owe me a birthday.

Oh, my God! Okay.

Okay!

We both know that I lead.

You ready?

Aww!

Whoo!

I'm coming for you, Otis!

Aww!

Would you like to have sex with me?

Okay.

Okay.

- Oh, my God. - Lizzie!

Lizzie!

It's me, Liam. Up here on the moon!

No!

Uh...

Liam. Get down, now!

Not until I speak to Lizzie!

I don't know him! He's just a weird guy that follows me around!

I love you, Lizzie.

Do you love me?

No.

- Come down this instant! - No.

Enough!

Get down, now!

What’s the point? Lizzie doesn't love me.

Nobody loves me.

I'm gonna jump!

Stop. Liam, don't!

Don't do this.

Oh... Hi, Otis.

You don't wanna jump.

No! I think I do.

You don't. Look...

sometimes, the people we like don't like us back,

and it's painful, but there's nothing we can do about it.

- You don't understand. - I do. I do understand.

I know what it's like when someone doesn't feel the same way about you. It's...

Someone you can't stop thinking about…

It hurts.

But you can't make people like you.

I don't like her.

I love her.

I know. But love isn't about grand gestures,

or the moon and the stars.

It's just dumb luck.

And sometimes, you meet someone who feels the same way.

And, sometimes, you're unlucky.

But one day, you're gonna meet someone who appreciates you for who you are.

I mean, there's seven billion people on the planet.

I know one of them is gonna climb up on a moon for you.

- Really? - Yeah, you're brilliant!

You're... very dedicated.

You're gonna make someone really happy one day.

But it will not be me!

Not Lizzie, definitely not Lizzie, but someone.

And it won't happen if you fall off that moon and die.

Okay.

Sorry. It's fine.

I'm fine.

Okay, everyone. It's time for the Macarena!

You guys know the Macarena, right?

Not your finest hour.

I didn't mean to scare you, Lizzie.

If you go anywhere near me again,

I'm seriously gonna have to call the police.

Fair enough. I understand.

- I left my jacket. - I'll get it.

- Hey. - Sorry, what?

- Adam! Don’t. - Your boyfriend

- looks like a fucking triangle. - Ugh. Ignore him, Steve.

What?

Don't you fucking touch me.

- Stay away from me! - Come on!

Stop it!

- Are you all right? - Get off.

I hate you!

All right, show’s over. Go on.

Go on, you too.

Hey.

Where's your date?

- She left. - Why?

We... had an argument.

- What about? - Doesn't matter.

Okay.

That was pretty crazy in there. You were amazing.

That was serious, Maeve.

- I mean, he could have killed himself. - Yeah, but you talked him down.

Yeah, and he was up there after he spoke to me.

Imagine if he'd died.

I think this is wrong.

- What's wrong? - This is. The... clinic.

And us. It... has to stop.

- But we’re really good together. - I can't keep doing this anymore, Maeve.

- It's getting in the way of my life. - What do you mean?

You know what I mean.

Maeve?

Just a minute, Jackson.

Hey, Otis. If I give you another 50, will you tell me how

- to get Maeve to like me again? - Jackson!

- What are you talking about? - Well, he told me how to get you.

I gave him 50 and then he gave me the book stuff,

and then the song and then the feminist stuff that you like.

Because you're difficult, Maeve, to know.

Maeve...

He paid you to tell him what I like?

No. I didn't...

I tried to not take... I gave the money to you!

You gave it to me?

I’m gonna be sick again.

- Maeve. I... - Stay the fuck away.

You’re right. We’re done.

I'm so sorry, Maeve.

I'm so sorry.

You're so nice.

Sorry if I got, like, sick on you and stuff.

I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Oh. Did we forget the car?

- Sh, Jackson... - Where's the...

He's a bit drunk. My brother will bring the car...

Jackson?

What were you thinking?

Do you think I like getting up at 4:30 every morning,

like I have got nothing better to do with my time?

- Oh, me, me, me. - What did you just say?

It’s all about you. Isn't it, Mum?

Er, look.... Let's go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning.

- Fine. - No, seriously.

You think we like driving five hours every Saturday to get you to your swim meets?

Dedicating our entire lives to your success?

- It's not my success though, is it, Mum? - What?

- It's yours. - Ja...

- Jackson! - Jackson!

You get back here now! Get back here!

"Love isn't about the moon and the stars."

"It's about dumb luck".

- Shut up. - You should start a motivational podcast,

- called The Teen Whisperer. - I am never going to a dance again.

Yeah, no, you suck at dances. Okay?

I'm hungry, but... Oh.

Hello.

- Dave? - Er, close. Dan.

- I ride the motorbike? - Yes, right. Mother issues.

- Well, I wouldn't... - Dan, are you coming back to bed?

Oh, excuse me. Looks like my mum needs me. Your mum needs me.

She's...

Okay, I'm just gonna, er....

- Oh, that's probably... Yeah. - Yeah.

Okay.

- Toast? - Yeah.

Aww.

Your new dad seems so sweet.

Hah.

- Have you got any Nutella? - Yeah.

Come on.

I was selling, they were buying. What did you want me to do?

I dunno. For you to take some responsibility?

Responsibility? Who looked after you when Mum left?

Who cooked, cleaned and dropped out of school for you?

Don't kid yourself. You did not drop out for me.

Maybe it's the fuzz.

Piss off, Sean.

What do you want?

Someone pay you to read the fucking Bell Jar?

- I actually liked that book. - Not the point.

I had a fight with my mum. It was bad.

What do you want me to do? Just go home and apologize.

No, I can't! I can't go home!

I hate it.

I feel like... yeah, like... like I'm suffocating.

Like I'm livin' in somebody else's body. Like, trapped in somebody else's life.

- Hey, it's okay. - I don't know what to fucking do.

It's okay.

It's okay.

Please, can I stay... here, with you?

Yeah? Okay.

I love you, Maeve.

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