Original subtitles

"I, PETE WILDER,

"BEING OF SOUND MIND AND BODY,

"ATTEST THAT THESE ARE MY WISHES UPON MY DEATH.

"IN THE EVENT I PREDECEASE MY WIFE,

I LEAVE ALL MY TANGIBLE PERSONAL PROPERTY TO HER."

"I DO NOT VIEW MY DEATH AS AN END BUT RATHER A BEGINNING,

A TRANSITION TO A NEW STATE OF BEING."

"I DO NOT WANT A LAVISH FUNERAL.

"I DO NOT WANT MY FAMILY TO UNDERGO THAT EXPENSE

"OR DISTRESS.

"I HEREBY DIRECT THAT MY BODY BE CREMATED

AND MY ASHES SCATTERED IN THE OCEAN."

"AND AFTER MY CREMATION,

"I DO NOT WANT MOURNING.

"I WANT A PARTY,

"A BALINESE SEND-OFF.

"I WANT SINGING AND LAUGHTER AND STORIES

"TO CELEBRATE MY LIFE.

"I WILL BE AT PEACE.

I HOPE THESE WISHES WILL ALSO BRING PEACE TO MY LOVED ONES."

IS HE KIDDING?

I AM SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE.

AND THANK YOU FOR HOSTING.

OH, OF COURSE.

I WOULD'VE DONE IT AT MY PLACE, BUT, UH,

THE REALTOR HAS A BUNCH OF PEOPLE LINED UP TO SEE THE HOUSE

SINCE I DROPPED THE PRICE, SO...

YEAH, SHOULD YOU... I MEAN, ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANNA

JUST, YOU KNOW... TAKE A MINUTE

BEFORE YOU MAKE, UH, ANY BIG CHANGES?

I MEAN, JUST TAKE A SECOND TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH.

NO, NO, NO. LUCAS AND I NEED TO MOVE FORWARD.

AND I'M GONNA LOOK AT SOME HOUSES TOMORROW, SO...

WELL... IT'S A GOOD TURNOUT.

YEAH. YES.

YEAH. YEAH.

I THINK PETE WOULD'VE LIKED IT.

I MEAN, WHO KNOWS, RIGHT?

THIS IS WHAT THE WILL SAID HE WANTED.

YEAH, HE WENT TO A FUNERAL ONCE IN BALI, I GUESS,

AND THE WHOLE VILLAGE CAME OUT TO CELEBRATE.

YOU KNOW, LIKE, DRESSED UP LIKE IT WAS A PARTY,

TOLD STORIES AND SANG AND...

WAIT, WAIT. ARE WE GONNA HAVE TO SING?

THE--HE DID REQUEST SINGING, YES. MM-HMM.

MM-HMM. THAT'S WHY WE HAVE THE KARAOKE MACHINE.

PERHAPS YOU COULD GET IT STARTED?

OHH. RIGHT. I'M GONNA NEED A FEW DRINKS.

YES. WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?

NO. NO, NO, BUT I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.

UH... YEAH.

UM...

PETE GOT THIS IN INDIA A FEW YEARS AGO.

HE WAS, UH, THERE WORKING WITH A SPIRITUAL LEADER

WHO--WHO HUGS PEOPLE. THAT'S HER THING.

SHE'S HUGGED, LIKE, 30 MILLION FOLLOWERS.

SHE MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

AND THIS..

IS FOR YOU.

OH. WEAR IT IN GOOD HEALTH.

I'LL BE--I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

OH. HE WOKE UP?

YEAH, HE WAS JUST HANGING OUT IN HIS CRIB, GUMMIN' A RATTLE.

AW. DOES HE NEED HIS DIAPER CHANGED?

UH, ALREADY TOOK CARE OF IT.

OHH. GOOD. DOES THAT FEEL GOOD?

I THOUGHT YOU SAID VIOLET WOULD BE SAD.

SHE IS SAD.

THERE'S MANY DIFFERENT WAYS TO HONOR SOMEONE'S MEMORY.

YEAH, BUT... THIS IS WEIRD.

YEAH.

I MEAN, NOT AS WEIRD AS WATCHING THE CREMATION.

AND THE KIDS COULDN'T BE MORE BORED.

WHY DON'T I TAKE THEM TO YOUR PLACE FOR A WHILE?

I DON'T DO TOO WELL

IN SITUATIONS WHERE PEOPLE ARE FEELING ONE WAY

AND PRETENDING TO FEEL ANOTHER.

I TEND TO SAY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS.

AND SHOOT UP.

SO...

IF ANYBODY HAS ANY DRUGS...

OKAY, YEAH. TOLD YOU.

INAPPROPRIATE THINGS. YEAH, GO--GO TAKE 'EM.

ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GONNA GET HENRY'S BOTTLE.

KARAOKE? FOR REAL?

SO THEN I JOINED THIS RUNNING GROUP,

FIGURING THAT WOULD BE A GREAT WAY TO MEET PEOPLE, BUT...

BUT?

UM, I LOOK AROUND AND...

AND I SEE ALL THESE PEOPLE--

AT WORK, IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD.

I MEAN, THEY JUST...

I--THEY JUST SEEM LIKE AVERAGE JOES,

YOU KNOW? YEAH.

THEY DON'T SEEM TO HAVE SUPERPOWERS

OR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.

BUT, UM, THEY'RE HAPPY.

AND I THINK,

HOW DO THEY DO IT, YOU KNOW?

WHAT'S THE SECRET?

WELL, THERE'S NO SECRET, NICK.

AND SOME PEOPLE ARE MORE NATURALLY DISPOSED TO HAVE

A POSITIVE OUTLOOK.

BUT HAPPINESS CAN ALSO BE DERIVED

FROM INTENTIONAL ACTIVITIES, YOU KNOW,

VOLUNTEERING AND MAINTAINING CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS.

WELL, THAT'S EASIER SAID THAN DONE.

OKAY, THAT SEEMS LIKE A GOOD PLACE TO START OUR NEXT SESSION.

OH, SORRY.

I'M, UH, I'M NOT GONNA BE HERE NEXT WEEK.

OKAY. NO PROBLEM. WE CAN RESCHEDULE.

ACTUALLY, WE CAN'T.

I CAME TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

I'M GONNA KILL MYSELF.

YOU KNOW WHAT MIGHT MAKE PEOPLE FEEL BETTER?

IS IF THEY KNEW THERE WAS A TRIO OF COOPLETS ON THE WAY.

IF YOU WANNA KEEP THOSE HANDS, GET 'EM OFF MY UTERUS.

HMM.

IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU'VE GOT AN APPETITE.

WHAT I'VE GOT IS A TAPEWORM.

THREE OF 'EM, ACTUALLY.

COME ON, CHARLOTTE.

ISN'T IT AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT FUN

TO BE ABLE TO EAT WHATEVER YOU WANT?

NO. IT'S NOT FUN.

IT'S DISGUSTING.

I'M HAVING A LITTER

LIKE SOME KIND OF ANIMAL.

OH.

THESE BLOODSUCKING TICKS

GROWING INSIDE OF ME HAVE TAKEN OVER MY BODY,

SO I'M JUST A HOST NOW.

THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING.

THESE ARE THE SALAD DAYS BEFORE I START WADDLING AROUND

WITH A VERITABLE "WIDE LOAD" SIGN ACROSS MY GUT.

WHICH, BY THE WAY,

IS GONNA BE CRISSCROSSED WITH SO MANY STRETCH MARKS

IT'LL LOOK LIKE A TOPO MAP OF YELLOWSTONE.

I MEAN, A MIRACLE PREGNANCY, MY ASS.

MY BIG, FAT, EVER-EXPANDING ASS.

THE CAR KEPT STALLING OUT.

JANIE AND I, WE WERE SAVING EVERY CENT WE HAD FOR THE BABY,

SO I PUT OFF GETTING A TUNE-UP.

BY THE TIME WE GOT TO THE HOSPITAL,

THE BABY WAS ALREADY COMING OUT.

I WAS SO RATTLED, I CRASHED INTO THE AMBULANCE BAY.

YEAH, BUT DR. WILDER--

HE ACTED LIKE HE SAW THAT KIND OF THING EVERY DAY.

HE SMILED AT JANIE,

TOLD HER SHE'D HAVE A GREAT STORY TO TELL OUR KID,

AND DELIVERED OUR LITTLE MAYA RIGHT THERE.

YOUR HUSBAND...

HE MADE A BIG DIFFERENCE IN MY FAMILY'S LIFE.

HE WAS THERE FOR US WHEN WE NEEDED HIM.

AND NOT JUST...

I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.

I CALLED HIM, YOU KNOW, THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIED.

HE SOUNDED RELAXED.

I WOULD'VE BEEN...

SCARED AS HELL OF THAT TRIAL, BUT...

MM.

PETE KEPT ON CRACKING JOKES.

IF I HAD KNOWN IT WAS GONNA BE THE LAST CONVERSATION

I EVER WAS GONNA HAVE WITH HIM...

I DON'T KNOW. I WOULD'VE SAID SOMETHING ELSE.

HE KNEW HE HAD YOUR SUPPORT. I'M SURE THAT MEANT A LOT.

HE DESERVED BETTER THAN DYING IN A DITCH.

I KNOW YOU KNOW THIS, BUT...

YOU KNOW, ANYTHING YOU NEED, ANYTHING.

I MEAN, YOU NEED ME TO STAY AT THE HOUSE,

YOU NEED US TO TAKE LUCAS, WE CAN DO IT.

I-I NEVER KNEW THAT... PETE WANTED THIS KIND OF CELEBRATION

UNTIL I READ HIS WILL.

I MEAN, BESIDES ONE CONVERSATION

WHERE HE SAID HE WANTED TO BE CREMATED,

WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT DEATH,

AND WE SHOULD'VE TALKED ABOUT IT.

IT'S A CONVERSATION MOST PEOPLE PUT OFF.

MAYBE.

BUT I'M A SINGLE PARENT NOW, SO I HAVE TO BE PREPARED.

IT WOULD BE GREAT IF YOU COULD TAKE LUCAS.

SURE. NO PROBLEM. WE CAN TAKE HIM TONIGHT.

NO, I MEAN, IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO ME,

I WANT YOU TO BE HIS GUARDIAN.

OH.

WOW.

WOW. YOU-- I KNOW--

I KNOW IT'S A LOT TO ASK FOR, BUT--BUT--

BUT THEY--THEY-- THEY GET ALONG GREAT.

AND--AND DON'T YOU THINK MASON WOULD BE HAPPY

TO HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER? I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.

THEY COULD SHARE A ROOM

OR YOU COULD LIVE AT MY HOUSE, WHEREVER THAT WOULD BE.

OH. VIOLET, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DON'T WANNA THINK ABOUT YOU BEING DEAD. NOT TODAY.

BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT. I NEED YOU TO THINK ABOUT IT.

OKAY?

AND TALK TO CHARLOTTE.

OKAY?

OKAY.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. SHELDON. WAIT, YOU'RE NOT COMING?

No, I am coming.

I-I JUST CAN'T LEAVE YET.

Sheldon, we need a shrink here.

I MEAN, VIOLET'S KEEPING IT TOGETHER,

BUT WHO KNOWS HOW LONG THAT WILL LAST?

YEAH, WELL, I'LL GET THERE AS SOON AS I CAN.

OKAY.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN CONSIDERING KILLING YOURSELF?

FEELS LIKE FOREVER.

I'M SORRY I DIDN'T BRING IT UP BEFORE.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU'D UNDERSTAND, BUT...

IT REALLY IS FOR THE BEST, DR. WALLACE.

WHAT'S YOUR PLAN?

PILLS SEEM EASIEST.

THAT WAY, I'LL GO TO SLEEP AND...

IT'LL BE OVER.

I'VE GOT TWO KINDS OF SEDATIVES.

OKAY, NICK.

I THINK WE SHOULD GO TO THE HOSPITAL. NO.

I CANNOT LET YOU GO HOME.

I'M NOT GOING TO THE HOSPITAL.

AH, GOD, I'M SORRY.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO YELL. I...

WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE THAT TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT?

I MEAN...

DID SOMETHING HAPPEN?

I THINK YOU WANT MY HELP, NICK.

I THINK THAT'S WHY YOU TOLD ME YOUR PLAN.

BUT I CAN'T GIVE IT UNLESS YOU'RE GONNA BE HONEST WITH ME.

TRIPLE GRANDE LATTE WITH ONE SUGAR.

THAT'S GAIL'S ORDER.

I SEE HER GETTING COFFEE MOST MORNINGS.

UM...

LAST WEEK, SHE FORGOT HER WALLET, SO I PAID,

AND WE GOT TO TALKING.

SHE WAS...

SHE WAS NICE, SO I ASKED HER OUT.

W-WHAT DID SHE SAY?

YES.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

UM, WELL, WE WENT OUT TO DINNER

AND THEN BACK TO HER PLACE,

AND, UM, NEXT THING I KNEW,

OUR CLOTHES WERE OFF.

AND...

I'VE BEEN SO LONELY.

BUT LOOKING AT GAIL,

I FELT NOTHING.

SO...

I STARTED THINKING ABOUT STELLA,

HER CREAMY SHOULDERS

PEEKING OUT FROM A TANK TOP,

HER SMOOTH LITTLE COLT LEGS.

AND THEN IT WAS OKAY.

IT'S NOT UNUSUAL

FOR MEN TO THINK ABOUT OTHER WOMEN DURING SEX.

STELLA'S NOT A WOMAN.

NO. SHE...

SHE'S MY GODDAUGHTER.

SHE'S 8.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES I'VE PEED SINCE WE'VE BEEN HERE?

FIVE.

FIVE TIMES.

GOD, I'D SELL MY SOUL FOR A GOOD OLD FASHIONED U.T.I.

I CAN BITCH SLAP INTO SUBMISSION WITH SOME SIMPLE ANTIBIOTICS.

SO, UH, VIOLET ASKED ME THIS THING.

THIS, UM, FUNNY THING.

CRAZY, CLEARLY,

GIVEN WHAT WE'RE, UH...

YOU KNOW, SHE'S GRIEVING,

SO YOU WANNA GIVE HER WHAT SHE WANTS.

WHAT'D SHE ASK?

UM... IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HER,

SHE ASKED IF WE WOULD TAKE LUCAS.

WE HAVE MASON...

WHO IS AMAZING.

ABOUT WE'RE ABOUT TO HAVE THREE MORE.

YAY, US!

AND YOU WANNA ADD A FIFTH CHILD

SO WHAT, WE CAN FIELD OUR OWN VOLLEYBALL TEAM?

OKAY, AREN'T YOU A TEENSY BIT FLATTERED

THAT SHE RECOGNIZES WHAT AN INCREDIBLE MOTHER YOU ARE?

WELL, THEN LET'S NOT STOP THERE.

HELL, WHY NOT THROW HENRY INTO THE MIX, TOO?

MAKE IT AN EVEN HALF-DOZEN,

'CAUSE WHEN I SAID I NEVER WANTED CHILDREN,

WHAT I REALLY MEANT WAS,

"I WANT ALL THE CHILDREN."

I NEVER TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE... WITH ANYONE.

NICK, HAVE YOU EVER HAD ANY SEXUAL CONTACT WITH STELLA? NEVER.

ANY PHYSICAL CONTACT THAT COULD BE PERCEIVED AS SEXUAL

WITH ANY CHILD?

NO.

SO YOU'VE NEVER ACTED ON YOUR DESIRE FOR YOUNG GIRLS?

NO.

BUT I THINK ABOUT IT.

A LOT.

I HAVE TO DRIVE PAST THIS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL

ON THE WAY TO WORK,

AND I TRY TO GET DOWN THE STREET AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE,

BUT... SOMETIMES THE CROSSING GUARD STOPS ME.

SO... I SIT THERE,

AND I WATCH THE KIDS WALK PAST.

HAVE YOU EVER REALLY LOOKED AT AN 8-YEAR-OLD GIRL?

I MEAN...

MY GOD.

THEY'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.

SO INNOCENT.

AND THEIR BODIES ARE LIKE ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

YOU THINK I'M DISGUSTING, DON'T YOU?

NO. I'M NOT HERE TO JUDGE YOU, NICK.

I'M JUST TRYING TO UNDERSTAND.

IT'S SIMPLE. I'M A MONSTER.

AND NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, I CAN'T CHANGE THE WAY I FEEL.

HOW--HOW DO YOU CONTROL THESE URGES?

I GO HOME AND...

I, UH...

I RELEASE THE TENSION.

YOU MASTURBATE?

YES.

THAT WAY, NO ONE GETS HURT.

THAT'S A GOOD SOLUTION, RIGHT?

MY CONCERN IS THAT

CONTINUAL FANTASIZING ABOUT SEXUAL ACTS WITH YOUNG GIRLS

CAN MAKE THAT SEEM NORMAL.

AND ONCE THAT TABOO IS REMOVED,

SELF-RESTRAINT CAN BECOME VERY DIFFICULT.

I KNOW,

WHICH IS WHY THE ONLY SOLUTION IS FOR ME TO DIE.

I SHOULD BE DEAD.

I WAS DEAD.

I WAS STANDING IN MY KITCHEN, CHOPPING GARLIC,

TALKING TO MY HUSBAND, AND THEN I STARTED CONVULSING.

HE CALLS 9-1-1,

AND BY THE TIME THE PARAMEDICS GOT THERE,

MY HEART HAD STOPPED.

THEY SHOCKED ME THREE TIMES AND TOOK ME TO THE E.R., AND...

DR. WILDER. HE BROUGHT ME BACK.

HE DID 20 MINUTES OF C.P.R.,

SHOCKED ME THREE MORE TIMES.

HE DIDN'T GIVE UP ON ME. HE JUST...

WOULDN'T.

YOUR HUSBAND NEVER GAVE UP.

EXCUSE ME, LADIES, BUT I NEED TO STEAL VIOLET.

HER SON'S LOOKING FOR HER. OH. SURE.

WHERE'S LUCAS?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I THOUGHT YOU NEEDED A BREAK.

HEY.

JAKE SAID I SHOULD GIVE THIS THING A TEST DRIVE, SO...

SAM...

I WAS PLANNING ON TELLING YOU THAT JAKE MOVED IN.

OH, THAT'S FINE. THAT'S FINE.

THIS IS ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD ESPRESSO.

I-I DIDN'T MEAN TO BLINDSIDE YOU OR--

IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY.

DID JAKE TELL YOU WHERE HE GOT THESE BEANS?

NO. NO?

OH.

LOOK, UM...

THERE ARE NO BOOKS ON THIS. I LOOKED.

WHAT?

ON HOW TO STAY FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX-WIFE'S BEST FRIEND

WHO REJECTED YOUR MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

AFTER ADOPTING A CHILD...

AND THEN MOVING IN WITH YOUR COWORKER.

THERE ARE NO BOOKS ON IT, SO...

I FIGURED WE COULD JUST STICK TO SMALL TALK ABOUT THE ESPRESSO.

OH.

ARE WE?

HMM?

EVER GONNA BE FRIENDS AGAIN?

THE KEY TO A GOOD ESPRESSO IS THE QUALITY OF THE GRINDER.

OH.

THAT IS AN INTERESTING FACT.

GRINDER.

OUR FATHER DIED TWO YEARS AGO.

IT PRETTY MUCH TOOK THE STARCH OUT OF MOTHER,

SO WE FIGURED SHE WAS JUST GRIEVING.

UM, SHE DIDN'T TELL US ABOUT THE PAIN.

BY THE TIME WE NOTICED IT, WELL...

WITH PANCREATIC CANCER, THERE'S NOT MUCH YOU CAN DO.

AND SHE WANTED TO DIE AT HOME,

AND SHE MADE US PROMISE.

BUT THAT LAST DAY,

HER BREATHING GOT SO LABORED, AND SHE LOOKED SO SCARED,

THAT I WANTED TO TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL.

YEAH, WE BOTH DID.

BUT DR. WILDER,

HE SAID WE SHOULD HONOR HER WISHES.

AND WHEN HE CAME INTO THE ROOM,

HE HAD SUCH A CALMING EFFECT ON HER.

SO SHE GOT TO DIE IN HER OWN BED,

LOOKING OUT AT HER GARDEN, SURROUNDED BY HER CHILDREN...

AND DOGS.

AND IT WAS SO PEACEFUL.

I WILL BE GRATEFUL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

THAT SHE DIDN'T DIE ALONE.

ARE YOU GONNA HURL?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

LUCAS WANTED TO WATCH "THE MUPPETS" MOVIE,

FOR, LIKE, THE BILLIONTH TIME.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

I...

UM...

IT'S GETTING HOT IN THERE.

PETE WAS NICE. IT REALLY SUCKS THAT HE DIED.

YEAH.

IT DOES.

HE'LL BE OKAY, THOUGH.

MY MOM SAYS WHEN YOU DIE,

IT'S LIKE GOING TO A BIG REUNION.

YOU GET TO HANG OUT WITH EVERYONE YOU REALLY LOVE.

OH, I BET MY MOM WILL INTRODUCE PETE TO MY GRANDMA.

GRAM'S REALLY COOL.

IT'S--IT'S LONELY, THOUGH, BEING LEFT BEHIND.

I-I FELT LONELY WHEN MY MOM DIED.

ARE YOU LONELY?

YEAH.

YOU WANT SOME?

I WAS RAISED CATHOLIC.

DID I TELL YOU THAT?

YEAH.

YEAH, I WAS TAUGHT THAT GOD NEVER MAKES MISTAKES.

WELL...

IT'S PRETTY CLEAR THAT'S NOT TRUE, HUH?

HE OBVIOUSLY HAD AN OFF DAY WITH ME.

WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN A DRUG ADDICT

OR AN ALCOHOLIC?

I MEAN, GOD.

MY LIFE WOULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH DIFFERENT

IF THE THING I COULDN'T GET ENOUGH OF WAS BOOZE.

I MEAN, I-I COULD JOIN A 12-STEP PROGRAM.

PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY WANNA HEAR MY STORY.

THEY'D TRY TO HELP ME AND SAY HOW BRAVE I WAS TO COME CLEAN.

BUT THEY DON'T HAVE SUPPORT GROUPS

FOR PEOPLE LIKE ME.

I CAN'T TELL ANYONE WHAT I AM.

BUT YOU TOLD ME,

AND THAT'S A GOOD FIRST STEP.

AND THE FACT THAT YOU HAVEN'T ACTED ON YOUR IMPULSES,

WE CAN BUILD ON THAT.

DON'T PLAY ME, DR. WALLACE.

I'M NOT STUPID.

AS A TEENAGER,

I USED TO JUST HOPE THAT I WOULD OUTGROW THIS.

BUT...

NO.

THAT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

RIGHT? 'CAUSE THERE'S NO MAGIC PILLS THAT I CAN TAKE

THAT MAKE ME STOP FANTASIZING ABOUT LITTLE GIRLS.

THERE'S NO SURGERY

TO REMOVE THIS DEVIANT PART OF MY BRAIN, RIGHT?

RIGHT?

NO, THERE ISN'T.

THEN WHAT DO WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT?

DID PETE EVEN LIKE KARAOKE?

I DON'T KNOW. I NEVER...

HEARD THE MAN SO MUCH AS WHISTLE.

YOU DID NOT MISS MUCH.

I LOVED PETE.

WE WEREN'T IN LOVE, WE WEREN'T SOUL MATES,

BUT, YOU KNOW, WE FIT TOGETHER FOR A WHILE.

YOU KNOW, THAT TIME THAT WE HAD WHERE WE...

TOOK CARE OF LUCAS.

EVEN FOR THAT SHORT TIME BEFORE VIOLET CAME BACK,

THAT'S... THAT'S WHEN I KNEW

THAT I COULD RAISE A CHILD ON MY OWN.

PETE DID THAT FOR ME.

MM.

I WISH I COULD'VE TOLD HIM THAT.

YOU KNOW, VIOLET ASKED ME TO BE LUCAS' GUARDIAN

IN CASE ANYTHING HAPPENS TO...

DID YOU TELL HER ABOUT THE TRIPLETS?

IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED,

CHARLOTTE'S A LITTLE SCARY RIGHT NOW.

YEAH, I GOT THAT.

I MEAN, I'D LOVE TO SAY YES FOR VIOLET,

AND FOR PETE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CONVINCE CHARLOTTE.

HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD CONVINCE CHARLOTTE.

I MEAN, WITH THESE BABIES COMING,

MY FAMILY HAS TO BE MY PRIORITY, RIGHT?

YES.

ANY ADVICE ON THAT?

HAVE ANOTHER DRINK.

I WAS IN THE KITCHEN LAST WEEK. PETE WAS READING THE PAPER.

TRAVEL SECTION, ABOUT HAWAII.

SAID HE WAS THINKING ABOUT TAKING VIOLET AND LUCAS THERE

ONCE THE TRIAL WAS OVER,

LIKE HE WAS CERTAIN IT WAS GONNA GO HIS WAY.

HMM.

SAID HE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN HOW TO SURF.

MM.

I TOLD HIM, "HEY, I, UH, I HAVE AN EXTRA BOARD.

I CAN--I CAN TEACH YOU."

THAT'S THE LAST TIME WE SPOKE.

YEAH, HE WAS ONE OF THE GOOD ONES.

AFTER ALL THE TIME HE SPENT MAKING DEATH EASIER FOR PEOPLE,

I WISH SOMEBODY COULD'VE DONE IT FOR HIM.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T DO WHAT HE DID.

I NEED TO BE AROUND PEOPLE CREATING LIFE,

HELPING THEM START A FAMILY.

YOU KNOW, NO MATTER HOW HARD THE JOURNEY IS,

I'VE NEVER ONCE HAD A MOTHER TELL ME THAT IT WASN'T WORTH IT

ONCE SHE HELD HER CHILD.

HAS ADDISON BEEN TALKING TO YOU?

ABOUT WHAT?

DO ME A FAVOR.

DON'T TELL ME ANY STORIES ABOUT PETE

OR TRY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.

HEY. I JUST WANTED A COOKIE.

THAT JACKET LOOKS GOOD ON YOU.

YEAH.

I FIGURED I'D GET THE MOTORCYCLE TO GO WITH IT NEXT.

OHH.

UH, OR PERHAPS A LIGHTER.

HOLY CRAP. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS IN THERE.

VIOLET?

I'M AARON COLVIN. I WORKED WITH PETE IN EL SALVADOR.

OH. THANK YOU FOR COMING.

I'M SURE THAT WOULD'VE MEANT A LOT TO PETE.

I'M NOT SO SURE ABOUT THAT.

PETE AND I, WE HAD A FALLING OUT

15 YEARS AGO.

IT ENDED IN A FISTFIGHT.

FOR THE LIFE OF ME, I-I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS ABOUT.

I ALWAYS FIGURED OUR PATHS WOULD CROSS AGAIN

AND WE'D SIT DOWN AND HAVE A BEER

AND LAUGH ABOUT IT.

BUT NOW IT'S TOO LATE.

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I WASTED ALL THIS TIME,

NURSING SOME RIDICULOUS, ANCIENT GRUDGE THAT--

COULD YOU PLEASE EXCUSE ME?

THERE'S A LOT THAT WE DON'T KNOW ABOUT PEDOPHILIA,

ABOUT HUMAN SEXUALITY IN GENERAL.

BUT WHAT I CAN TELL IS THAT BY THE TIME WE'RE 8 OR 9 YEARS OLD,

WE'VE BEEN DEALT A CARD,

AND THAT DETERMINES WHAT TURNS US ON.

AND IN THE PERFECT WORLD,

SATISFYING THOSE URGES, IT DOESN'T HURT ANYBODY.

I OBVIOUSLY DON'T LIVE IN THAT WORLD.

I'M A FREAK. YOU CAN'T FIX ME.

I CAN'T CURE YOUR SEXUAL ATTRACTION TO CHILDREN.

THAT'S TRUE.

BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE INAPPROPRIATE FANTASIES,

AND THE PROBLEM ONLY ARISES WHEN THEY TRY TO ACT ON THEM.

WE CAN WORK ON YOUR IMPULSE CONTROL.

IT'S NOT EASY. IT'S A LIFELONG STRUGGLE.

BUT WE CAN PROTECT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU.

WAIT.

YOU'RE SAYING I CAN CHANGE?

WHAT I'M SAYING IS, THERE ARE THINGS WE CAN TRY.

AVOIDING MOOD SWINGS IS KEY.

AND YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE DILIGENT ABOUT KEEPING BUSY,

ABOUT MAINTAINING STRUCTURE IN YOUR LIFE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

YOU ACTUALLY WANNA HELP ME?

I'M YOUR DOCTOR. NICK? NICK?

NICK, ARE YOU OKAY?

NICK, WHAT DID YOU DO? WHAT DID YOU TAKE?

NICK?

THIS IS DR. SHELDON WALLACE.

I NEED AN AMBULANCE AT 4000 OCEAN PARK.

IT'S A POSSIBLE OVERDOSE.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T WANNA DIE ALONE.

VIOLET?

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

VIOLET, YOU'VE BEEN UP HERE A WHILE.

I'M STARTING TO GET WORRIED.

OKAY, I'M COMING IN.

HEY.

ARE YOU...

ARE YOU... GETTING HIGH?

OH, MY GOD. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

THIS IS A REALLY BIG TUB.

YOU GUYS CANNOT DO THIS. I HAVE A--I HAVE A KID DOWNSTAIRS.

OH, COME ON. WE ALL HAVE KIDS, AND THEY'RE ALL NEXT DOOR.

GET IN THE TUB, COOP. COME ON!

YOU KNOW YOU WANNA DO IT. COME ON! GET IN THE TUB.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO. I DIDN'T.

YOU JUST GIVE HER A MINUTE, SHE'LL FORGET SHE ASKED.

WHAT, YOU'RE NOT HIGH? WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP HERE?

I DIDN'T THINK THAT SHE SHOULD BE ALONE.

MY HUSBAND IS DEAD.

YESTERDAY, I PUSHED A BUTTON AND WATCHED HIM BURN,

SO I GET WHATEVER I WANT TODAY.

COME ON, COOPER.

I REALLY NEED SOMEONE IN THE TUB WITH ME.

NO.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE WHILE?

LET'S LIVE HERE, IN THE TUB.

DRUGS ARE BAD.

MM.

DRUGS ARE BAD.

THEY MAKE MY TONGUE FEEL LIKE CHEESE.

CHEESE? I WISH WE HAD SOME CHEESE HERE.

ADDISON?

YES? ADDISON?

WHAT? ADDISON?

STILL HERE. CHEESE?

WHERE DOES CHEESE COME? HOW DO WE GET CHEESE?

IS THERE A CHEESE MAN?

OHH!

I THINK WE NEED A COW.

OH, LET'S BUY A COW. BUY A COW! I COULD TOTALLY BUY A COW!

OR... I COULD ORDER A PIZZA.

I HAVE A PHONE. WE CAN.

CHARLOTTE'S NOT GONNA LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS

MUCH LONGER, COOPER.

CHARLOTTE'S NOT THE BOSS OF ME, MAN.

NO.

CHARLOTTE IS THE MOTHER OF MY TRIPLETS,

BUT NOT THE BOSS OF ME. TRIPLETS? WHAT TRIPLETS?

HMM?

OH! OHH!

WHOO!

OKAY.

OH, MY GOD. OKAY.

OKAY.

PLEASE DON'T BE MAD. I'M SORRY.

I KNOW THAT IS THE KIND OF THING

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO TELL YOUR BEST FRIEND,

BUT CHARLOTTE WOULD NOT LET ME TELL YOU.

I SO WANTED TO TELL YOU! TRIPLETS!

AND ADDISON ONLY KNOWS BECAUSE SHE IS HER DOCTOR.

YEAH. AND IT FELT REALLY WEIRD TO TALK ABOUT BABIES

ONCE I FOUND OUT PETE WAS DEAD.

OH, YEAH.

AND ALSO, I'M LIKE...

I'M SO HAPPY.

AND CHARLOTTE IS... SO NOT HAPPY.

OH. HEY, I-I THINK YOU HAVE THE WRONG HOUSE.

HI. OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. NO, HE DOESN'T.

HERE YOU GO. KEEP THE CHANGE.

THANK YOU.

WHOA, ADDISON,

YOU'VE ALREADY GOT MORE THAN ENOUGH FOOD FOR EVERYBODY.

UH, NO, THIS ISN'T FOR THE PEOPLE DOWNSTAIRS.

WHO'S IT FOR?

OH. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

CHEESE MEN. CHEESE MEN. HEY!

HEE HEE HEE HEE!

OKAY, WE ARE GOING TO NEED MORE PIZZAS.

PEOPLE ARE DOWNSTAIRS, TRYING TO PAY TRIBUTE TO PETE,

AND YOU GUYS ARE UP HERE GETTING HIGH?

LIGHTEN UP, MAN. LIGHT UP, SAM.

OH, NO, HE'S NOT GONNA DO IT. HE'S NEVER DONE THAT.

IS THAT TRUE? REALLY?

LIKE, FROM A CHICKEN THING?

NO, I'M NOT CHICKEN.

MNH. BOK BOK BOK.

DID YOU JUST CLUCK AT ME?

BOK BOK BOK. SEE--SEE, THAT'S WHY DON'T DO IT.

IT'S GOT YOU GUYS ACTING LIKE IDIOTS,

GROWN ADULTS MAKING ANIMAL SOUNDS. BOK!

NOT TO MENTION IT'S ILLEGAL. NOT WHEN MEDICALLY PRESCRIBED IN THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA.

I'M A DOCTOR.

VIOLET, I PRESCRIBE YOU MARIJUANA.

COOPER, I PRESCRIBE YOU MARIJUANA.

JAKE, SHALL I PRESCRIBE YOU MARIJUANA?

I'M GOOD, THANKS. BESIDES,

NOBODY'S GONNA TELL ME WHAT I CAN DO IN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE.

IN MY OWN DAMN HOUSE.

OH. THERE EITHER. DOCTOR'S ORDER, SAM.

I'M SORRY. I JUST CARE ABOUT WHAT I PUT INTO MY BODY.

I CARE ABOUT MY SHORT-TERM MEMORY.

MARIJUANA ABUSE HAS ALSO BEEN TIED TO CANCER, BRAIN DAMAGE,

DEPRESSION. IT'S ALSO BEEN TIED

TO RELIEVING SYMPTOMS OF ALL THOSE THINGS, SAM.

YOU'RE DEFENDING THEM RIGHT NOW?

IF YOU'RE SUCH A FAN, HOW COME YOU'RE NOT SMOKING?

BECAUSE THE ONE TIME I SMOKED POT,

I FELT LIKE MY LUNGS WERE MELTING.

AND I GOT SO PARANOID

I HID IN THE CLOSET FOR THREE HOURS

AND I MIGHT'VE PEED MY PANTS.

JAKE?

NOT FOR ME.

YOU KNOW, IT'S PETE'S GANJA, SAM.

IT'S LIKE A SIGN.

I MEAN, PETE IS THE REASON WE'RE ALL HERE.

AND WE'RE ALL HERE, AND PETE IS GONE?

THAT'S WRONG. IT--IT'S JUST ALL KINDS OF WRONG.

I DON'T KNOW. IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

AND IT JUST FEELS BAD. AND WHO WANTS TO FEEL BAD?

WHO WANTS TO FEEL WHEN FEELING FEELS THIS BAD?

WHAT HE SAID.

VIOLET?

DO YOU WANT ME TO GO DOWNSTAIRS

AND TELL THOSE PEOPLE TO GO HOME?

I CAN DO THAT.

CAN WE JUST STAY HERE A LITTLE BIT LONGER?

A LITTLE BIT, ALL OF US?

THEN I'LL GO BACK TO BEING A WIDOW.

WHATEVER YOU WANT.

HE NEVER ATE THE CRUST OFF HIS PIZZA.

BUT HE LOVED CHOCOLATE CHIP MINT ICE CREAM.

AND HE COULDN'T PARALLEL PARK TO SAVE HIS LIFE.

HE HAD REALLY AWESOME HAIR.

MM.

I'M ALIVE.

BARELY.

THE E.R. DOC SAID THE ACETAMINOPHEN LEVEL

IN YOUR BLOOD PUT YOU AT RISK FOR LIVER FAILURE.

ANOTHER FEW HOURS, YOUR LIVER MIGHT'VE COMPLETELY SHUT DOWN.

I SWALLOWED THE WHOLE BOTTLE BEFORE I CAME TO SEE YOU.

ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT AGAIN, NICK?

I DON'T KNOW.

I STUDIED BUDDHISM FOR A WHILE.

NOT TO CONVERT.

I JUST WANTED TO UNDERSTAND

A RELIGION WHOSE GOAL WAS TO END SUFFERING.

YOU KNOW THE INTERESTING THING?

SUFFERING IS A GREAT TEACHER,

BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT YOU MIGHT BECOME

AFTER YOU WORK THROUGH IT,

WHICH IS WHY EVERY LIFE IS WORTH SAVING.

EVEN MINE?

YES.

DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN HELP ME?

THAT'S UP TO YOU.

BUT IF WE DO WORK TOGETHER, YOU CANNOT KEEP ANY SECRETS FROM ME.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MORE TO KEEP.

WELL, THEN I'LL BE BACK IN THE MORNING.

HEY.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.

OKAY, I'M GONNA SAY IT, AND YOU'RE GONNA LISTEN.

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO VIOLET?

I MEAN, WHAT KIND OF PERSON

WOULD LEAVE A LITTLE BOY PARENTLESS,

OUT IN THE STREET?

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, COOPER.

OF COURSE WE'LL TAKE LUCAS IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO VIOLET.

WE WILL?

MY LIFE AS I KNOW IT IS OVER.

WE'VE ALREADY GOT FOUR KIDS. WHAT'S ONE MORE?

I'M GONNA NEED SOME HELP PARENTING THAT BROOD.

I'D PREFER IT IF YOU WEREN'T STONED.

OH, CAKE.

AND DR. WILDER WAS THERE FOR ME ALL THROUGH MY CANCER.

NOTHING WORKED ON THE NAUSEA I HAD FROM THE CHEMO

UNTIL HE TRIED ACUPUNCTURE.

EXCUSE ME.

IT'S DEREK.

HE GAVE ME MY LIFE BACK.

I'M SO GRATEFUL.

STOP CRYING. MY HUSBAND WANTED A CELEBRATION.

I'M SORRY. I JUST...

THEY, UH...

THEY TOOK MARK SLOAN OFF LIFE SUPPORT.

HE'S DEAD.

NO, NO, NO. NO. NO. NO, WE DON'T CRY TODAY.

WE DON'T CRY TODAY. THIS IS NOT WHAT PETE WANTED.

WAS I NOT CLEAR?

HE WANTED A PARTY. HE WANTED--HE WANTED SINGING.

WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?!

THIS IS WHAT HE WANTED. ALL RIGHT?

THIS IS ALL HE WANTED THOSE LAST MONTHS,

JUST TO HAVE A GOOD TIME.

WHY TALK ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS

WHEN YOU CAN PRETEND THEY DON'T EXIST?

JUST ENJOY YOURSELF! BE HAPPY!

WHICH IS IRONIC

BECAUSE HE WAS THE ANGRIEST GUY I HAVE EVER KNOWN.

THIS--THIS MAN THAT YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT,

"MR. THERE WHEN YOU NEED HIM," "MR. NEVER GIVE UP,"

THAT WAS NOT PETE.

HE DID GIVE UP.

HE DIED BEFORE HE COULD TELL ME WHAT WENT WRONG IN OUR MARRIAGE.

HOW DARE HE LEAVE ME TO RAISE LUCAS ON MY OWN?!

HOW DARE HE DEMAND THAT I THROW HIM A PARTY

WHEN ALL PEOPLE WANNA DO IS SCREAM AND CRY?!

THAT SELFISH SON OF A BITCH.

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE TONIGHT?

WHERE WERE YOU?

I HAD A PATIENT EMERGENCY.

I'M SORRY.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

BRING MY HUSBAND BACK.

IF IT WERE IN MY POWER, YOU KNOW I WOULD.

TELL ME EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

VIOLET.

JUST...

JUST TELL ME.

PLEASE?

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.

AND EVEN THOUGH

YOUR UNCLE PETE WON'T BE AROUND WHEN YOU GROW UP,

HE'LL STILL BE WATCHING OUT FOR YOU.

NOW YOU HAVE YOUR VERY OWN GUARDIAN ANGEL...

KEEPING YOU SAFE.

YOU DO.

I LIKE THE THOUGHT OF PETE LOOKING OUT FOR HIM.

THANK YOU FOR, UH, TAKING CARE OF HIM TODAY.

OF COURSE. YOU HAD YOUR HANDS FULL.

HUH?

I LIED TO YOU.

ABOUT WHAT?

WHEN I TURNED YOU DOWN TO BE MY SURROGATE,

I TOLD YOU IT WAS BECAUSE YOU WERE NEWLY SOBER

AND YOU NEEDED TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE,

AND THAT WAS PART OF IT, BUT...

I ALSO DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GOOD ENOUGH.

WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT.

I WAS WRONG.

YOU ARE...

SUCH A GOOD THING IN MY SON'S LIFE.

HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH.

AND YOU LOVE HIM.

IF ANYTHING, UH...

IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO ME, WOULD...

WOULD YOU TAKE HENRY?

YEAH.

I NEED TO TELL YOU SOMETHING

ABOUT MARK.

MIND IF I GRAB COOP FOR A MINUTE?

NOT AT ALL.

HOW ARE YOU HOLDING UP, SHELDON?

I SAVED THE LIFE OF A MAN TONIGHT

I'M NOT SURE SHOULD LIVE.

AND PETE--YOU KNOW, HE WAS A HUSBAND, A FATHER,

A GOOD MAN, JUST WANTED TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

THAT RIGHT THERE--

THAT'S WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD.

YOU OKAY?

YEAH.

WHY DO YOU ASK?

YOU LOST A SPOUSE, TOO.

YEAH.

TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, THOUGH,

I'M--I'M FEELING A LITTLE GUILTY.

WHY?

VIOLET'S GOT A HARD ROAD AHEAD OF HER, AND...

THAT'S NOT MY LIFE ANYMORE.

I'M IN LOVE.

I'M HAPPY.

THEN DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME FEELING GUILTY.

JUST BE GRATEFUL.

SO I'M GONNA HEAD HOME AND CALL DEREK.

OKAY.

SAM.

UH...

THE ESPRESSO BEANS ARE ETHIOPIAN,

SPECIALLY ROASTED.

YEAH, WE ARE.

WHAT?

PETE'S DEAD.

MARK IS DEAD.

THEY DIED.

THEY'RE DEAD.

THERE'S NO TIME TO...

SO YEAH, WE ARE GONNA BE FRIENDS...

EVENTUALLY.

SOMEDAY, JUST...

JUST NOT YET.

OKAY.

OKAY.

THIS IS WHAT THEY GAVE ME AFTER THE CREMATION.

I THOUGHT ABOUT GETTING A NICE URN FOR HIS ASHES.

THERE SHOULD BE MORE TO THE END OF A MAN'S LIFE, HUH?

WE DIDN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME.

I KNOW. I KNOW.