Original subtitles

Man: Do like I say, and you won't get hurt.

Put your hands above your head.

All I want is all you've got.

One wrong move, and you're eatin' lead.

Second man: Hey, man, why don't you grow up?

[Music and indistinct chatter in background]

Man: Look here, I'm not playin' games.

I'm serious.

Second man: Serious? Give me a break.

Straighten out, man.

When are you gonna grow up?

Chorus: ♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Third man: It's all right.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Male vocalist: ♪ Seems like everyone wants more ♪

? ♪ Everybody wants the big one ?

♪ Everybody wants to score ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ How do you get yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Man: Hey, man,

what about a lawyer playin' his legal games?

Does better than Jesse James.

Second man: Sure.

A bill collector on the phone

shakes down better than Al Capone.

Male vocalist: ♪ And you can't tell which is which ♪

♪ Everybody's on a caper ♪

♪ Everybody's got the itch ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ How do you get yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Third man: It's all right.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Man: Hey, man, life's a game...

But you don't wanna play.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Second man: Are you kiddin'?

♪ And you can't tell who is who ♪

Third man: Yeah, that's right.

♪ Everybody's on a bank job ♪

Forget about it.

? ♪ Everybody's really doin' it ?

It's all right.

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ How do you get yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Yeah, right.

Cops and robbers, that's the game...

But you don't wanna play.

Police dispatcher: Attention all units...

Second man: Forget about it.

Newscaster on radio: On the Brooklyn Bridge,

a stalled car blocking the right-hand Lane.

As you leave Brooklyn starting over to the city,

cross on the parkway.

Very, very heavy traffic this morning.

Bumper to bumper...

[Horn honks]

Joe: Will you move your ass?

Look at him!

He's got room up there and he doesn't move!

Move!

[Honks]

What is it with all this traffic?

Nobody's budging, for Christ's sake.

This traffic shouldn't build up

for at least another 2 exits.

Does everybody work at 7:00

in this goddamn town?

Aw, Christ, is it hot.

Jeez.

[Groans]

Newscaster: Coming up, the lower BQE

out of the Brooklyn bridge,

be prepared to squeeze to your left again.

The Manhattan-williamsburg bridge is moving...

What are you gonna do?

Newscaster: ...Might serve as a possible alternative

into the city. An accident...

You gotta take the good with the bad, right?

Newscaster: Starting out at the Lincoln tunnel...

You get up, you go in, you do your job,

you make a buck, you go home.

[Groans]

What the hell's the use of complaining,

right?

[Horns honking]

What the hell are you honking about?

I can't move until he moves, you idiot!

Forget it.

[Radio news continuing indistinctly]

They got the nerve

to call this an expressway.

[Sighs]

Look at that cool son of a bitch...

Sitting there in his air-conditioned

Lincoln continental.

Yeah. I know.

And his Lane moves before ours, right?

Hmm...

It figures.

Radio announcer: ...An annual yield of 5.20% a year.

Now, either way, you're moving straight to financial security.

That's at the capitalists and immigrants trust,

a member of FDIC.

Tom.

Radio announcer: The time right now--it's 7:05.

Tom: Hmm?

Remember that liquor store

a couple of weeks ago?

Guy knocked it off disguised as a cop?

Yeah.

That was me.

It's too early in the morning for put-ons.

I'm not putting you on, Tommy.

4 kids--that's 4 pair of shoes.

I got 233 bucks.

On the level?

On a stack of bibles.

You really did it.

Yeah, I really did it.

What do you think of your old buddy now?

Boy, you got some pair of balls.

You bet your sweet ass.

They clang when I walk.

Let's get to work.

Joe: The thing that really got me

was how easy it was.

Walk in, take it, walk out.

What about the clerk?

He give you a hassle or what?

I got a gun up his nose.

Is he gonna get a medal

holding his boss' dough?

Right. Right.

It was so easy.

To this day, I can't believe how easy it was.

To this day, I can't believe how easy it was.

Want to hear something really spooky?

Yeah, sure.

Ever since it happened, it's never been better

in the sack with grace and I.

You know what I mean?

Right.

Go figure it out.

Sergeant: All right, let's listen up.

Be on the lookout for 3 1/2 cans--

thermite, ignition mixture--

stolen from city college.

The perpetrators are unknown at this time.

Some of it may be outdated.

However, it can be used as follows--

a report from...

[Overlapping talking]

Woman: ...And I paid my admission.

You know, I made friends,

and this fella took me home...

Hey, sarge. We got Polansky.

Can I let him go upstairs?

Then he pulled out an attache case, you know?

And he had flashbulbs

and he had all kind of nudity-type costumes...

[Overlapping talking]

Hey, Louie, I've got the pictures.

This is you, baby.

We got you and we got you right.

This is your whole modus operandi.

It can't be anybody else but you.

What do you mean, my M.O.?

That was my M.O. 10 years ago,

you understand?

If I had an M.O., my new M.O. Today

would be banks and armored cars,

and as soon as I went in,

bang, bang, bang.

There'd be no witnesses,

you understand? I tell ya.

Well, this time there was witnesses.

Man, I don't even want to hear that word.

Those are seeds.

No drugs, seeds.

Lab canary seeds for my bird.

Well, where'd you get the seeds?

Where'd I get the seeds?

[Overlapping talking]

Hey, Joe!

What are you gonna do now?

I'm not gonna give it back,

if that's what you mean.

I mean, are you gonna do it again?

I mean, are you gonna do it again?

I don't know.

See you around.

[Indistinct police radio chatter]

[Indistinct police radio chatter]

[Horn honks]

Did you get anything?

Not from that son of a bitch.

He gets a ticket.

Don't worry about it.

I'll get us another one.

Speeding, broken taillight.

What else could I hit him with?

[Music and indistinct chatter]

Man: Oh, hey, easy in the pool, huh?

Radio announcer: ...Streets and sewers,

built to suit yourself

on rambling, quarter-acre, wooded lots

with a lovely view of Acapulco lake.

Efficient, clean, country air

luxurious space...

Well, this will not make any Singapore slings.

We'll have a gin and tonic

like everybody else, all right?

Ok. Sure there's enough food?

There's plenty.

How's Maximillian doing?

Good.

Huh? Huh? Mmm!

Be careful, hear?

Got it?

Yeah.

George, you're a screwdriver, right?

Damn right I am!

Ohh!

Is everybody happy? Is everybody happy?

How you guys can stand the...

[Imitates trumpet]

Relax.

I try, but even in my own backyard...

Ha ha ha! George.

Ha ha ha!

Boy, I thank god

I got out of that rat race 5 years ago--

everybody pushing everybody around,

everybody chiseling a buck,

even the cops tearing off a little here and there.

It's a natural result of congestion.

It's the way of the world, George.

Not out here.

Out here, it's just like anyplace else.

[Chuckles]

You know, you guys think that everybody is a crook.

It's being a cop in the city that gives you that idea,

seeing all that corruption,

having a little part in it.

You got a bug up your back about something?

It's all right, Joe.

What's he getting at?

He's not getting at anything.

Hey, George, a lot of civilians

can't quite make it on their salaries.

You see what I mean?

I mean, the city distorts your mind.

I mean, you think everybody's a crook.

George, you come home every night

with a sack of groceries, right?

You don't do that with any employee discount.

You just pack up the bag

and walk out the door, right, Georgie?

Now, wait a minute.

That's a prerogative of my managerial position.

Now, if the salary that I was paid

reflected my true value to the firm--

you'd do the same thing in spades, George.

Look, everybody hustles. Nobody likes it.

What are you gonna do?

The way I look at it, George,

there's this many people,

there's this much money.

So we gotta steal a little

to make up the difference, right?

Well, now, there I can go along with you.

I mean, it's right.

You gotta make up the difference.

Like me in the supermarket,

you guys trying to get what you can get.

But the point is this--

hey, George, will you knock off that crap?!

I'm sick and tired of hearing people

talk about all the corruption that cops are involved in.

People don't know the first thing

about what the hell they're talking about!

If Tommy and I wanted to be corrupt,

we could get anything we want!

With all we know and with the position we're in,

we could get anything, man,

and I'm not talking frozen broccoli,

or potato chips, pal. I mean anything.

You know what anything is?

Anything! But we're good cops,

so we control ourselves.

He's right, Georgie.

He's right, Georgie.

Ha ha ha ha!

Tom? Tom, come on.

We're gonna take some pictures now.

To be used as evidence against us in the morning.

Be right there, Mary.

You know, George, you're not a bad guy,

but you love to bust chops, don't you?

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Hey, let's get the cops together, huh?

We'll have a mug shot.

Hey, Joe, gonna get in the lineup? Eh?

Joe, huh?

How about the lineup?

[Overlapping talking]

Ok, sweetheart.

We're gonna shoot now.

I want that big smile, now.

Let's do the smile now. All set?

Ok. All together.

Daniel, get out of there.

You're not in the family.

Get out of here. Ok, smile.

Hold it, honey!

Hold it, honey!

Hold it!

Smile!

[Woof]

[Woof woof]

You forgot to look at the camera!

You forgot to look at the camera!

[Woof woof]

[Siren]

Get your goddamn hands off of me!

Lady, we're the police!

Let me go! I love my husband!

Hold her down nice and firm!

Ouch! Aw, throw her in!

I'm not gonna deal with this!

Hey, get back here! Stop the bleeding!

For what?! You do your job,

I do my job! You're a cop!

Hold her against the door.

You son of a bitch, stop this bleeding!

No! Where's the stiff?

In the rear apartment in the kitchen.

She cut him to pieces.

Let's get her out of here.

I want my husband!

[Siren]

[Overlapping shouting]

He's dead, all right.

Look, why don't you just get up front,

make another call to the ambulance,

get them over here.

I'll be up there in a minute.

I gotta deal with these 2 chickens.

Joe: Calm down!

God. I gotta do 2 jobs.

I gotta hold 'em down, dealing with you cops--

aah! Uhh!

[Groans]

You son of a bitch!

[Exhales]

[Woman on radio]

It's made with those good, old-fashioned ingredients

that just can't hurt your hair

no matter how often you shampoo.

You can use it twice a week,

every other day, even every day.

Together forever was made by our kind of people

for our kind of people,

and it's completely biodegradable.

[Crash]

You can't treat me like this.

You killed a guy.

That's enough for one day, huh?

I didn't kill nobody.

Nobody killed nobody.

Sure.

Right.

I didn't mean to.

[Sobs]

I come home...

And find him with...

My baby.

[Siren]

[Sobbing]

What's gonna happen to me?

There were 2 of them?

Woman: Yes.

And they came in through the service entrance?

Woman: Yes.

They struck my maid

and cut the inside of her mouth.

I sent her downstairs to see my doctor.

I can have her sent back up if you need a statement.

Maybe later.

I can't think why they struck her.

After all, she's black.

And then they came in here, is that it?

No. They never came in here at all, thank goodness.

I have some rather valuable things in here.

They went from the kitchen into the bedroom.

Where were you?

In my office. It connects with the bedroom.

I heard them rummaging and opened the door.

As soon as I saw them, of course,

I realized what they were doing.

[Music plays]

[Clack]

Harry: Then you closed the door?

Yes.

What did they take?

A typewriter, portable TV...

And a Mixmaster.

Do you have the serial numbers?

No.

Harry: Well, can you give me

a description of the intruders?

I honestly didn't see their faces.

How much would a thing like this cost?

I beg your pardon?

This thing. How much would it go for?

I believe it was $3,700. Under 4,000.

For this?

Where were we?

What's your husband do?

He's an attorney.

I don't see what this has to do--

I was gonna be a lawyer.

I went to night school for 2 years.

I had to quit when my wife had a baby.

Little girl.

I believe you wanted a description.

Harry: Yes, of the intruders.

Harry: Yes, of the intruders.

Joe, what would you do if you had $1 million?

Go to Montana with Chet Huntley.

[Horn honks]

I mean, really?

Go to Montana with grace.

Man on P.A.: Welcome to wood down,

the land of plenty.

But we're here, right?

2 points. Right.

You know what you told George last week--

that we could get anything we want,

only we control ourselves?

Yeah.

Well, what the hell? Why don't we?

Why don't we what?

Pull off a job.

I bet with all we know, we'd never get caught.

You mean, like my liquor store?

I mean a big job.

A supermarket?

No. Like a bank or a loan company.

You ever think about

doing something like that?

Once in a while.

Yeah. Me, too.

Why don't we do it?

Get everything we want, huh?

Pull off, like, a fantastic score.

You know, something really big?

You know, something really big?

Like what?

Who cares?

The city's full of money.

We take our pick.

One job, one million bucks.

We get in, we get out.

We get in, we get out.

A million bucks?

I'm serious, Joe.

Something really big.

I get a thrill just thinking about it.

Anything we want, huh?

One job, one million bucks.

Can you imagine?

A million bucks?

Joe: Hey, I wonder what the Chinese would pay

if we kidnapped their ambassador?

If we kidnapped their ambassador?

The Chinese don't have an ambassador.

The U.N. guy.

Are you kidding?

Why not?

They've got American money.

Where the hell are we gonna stash

the Chinese ambassador?

In the garage.

[Laughs]

In your garage.

Ok, one day my garage, one day your garage.

Ok, one day my garage, one day your garage.

We don't want something we have to give back.

We want something we can turn over real fast

and we need a buyer.

Someone with a lot of money.

Yeah. A nice, rich person.

[Indistinct conversation]

[Telephone ringing]

What's your name?

Come on, Randy, you know my name.

Big Tony?

Anthony Morall.

What's your occupation, Anthony?

What'd you say?

What do you do for a living?

Wholesale meat.

A butcher?

That's right.

[Typing]

Butcher.

Ed, will you hold this for me

while I print that guy?

Right.

Ok.

[Typewriter roller turns]

What's your name?

Patsy O'Neill.

[Typing]

You didn't have to pull me in.

All you had to do was reach out.

I would have come.

We know that.

[Typing]

What's your occupation, Mr. O'Neill?

I buy and I sell.

You buy and you sell. A salesman.

Salesman.

[Typing resumes]

[Footsteps]

[Music plays]

[Pins clatter]

All he had on him was this piece, boss.

Sit down.

You're wearing a wig.

The feds take movies here.

I don't want to be identified.

Eh. Mustache phony, too?

Yeah.

Looks better than the rug.

[Pins clatter]

[Pins clatter]

You tell me you got no papers on you, huh?

No wallet, driver's license, nothing.

I don't want you to know who I am.

[Chuckles]

You're a cop, right?

[Pins clatter]

Right.

Right.

And you came here all by yourself?

Right.

We don't take no defectors.

I'm not offering to enlist.

But you want to do something for me, right?

I want to sell you something

for $2 million cash.

What bullshit is this, huh?

Hood: Fast talker, boss.

Look, I'm a cop.

I got a friend who's a cop, right?

We can go anywhere in New York

and get you anything you want,

if you just tell us what it is

you'll pay $2 million for,

and you see if it's bullshit.

You want to rob something for me, right?

That you'll pay 2 million for

and that we can handle.

There isn't a D.A. In the world

would be dumb enough to...

To set this up.

This has got to be your own thing.

[Pins clatter]

How can you get hurt?

I don't have a recorder on me,

and if I did, it's entrapment.

You know that as well as I do.

Securities.

Securities.

Securities?

Treasury bonds, bearer bonds.

I don't want anything with a name on it.

If the certificate

has an owner's name on it,

I don't want it.

Only papers that say, "pay to the bearer."

"Pay to the bearer."

That's rich people's money, right?

That's right. Rich, rich, yes. That's right.

Very good. Very good.

I'll, uh...

Pay you 20 cents on the dollar.

What? A fifth?

I'm offering you a good price

because you're gonna deal in volume.

Usually it's 10 cents on the dollar.

If it says, "pay to the bearer,"

why don't I deal it myself?

Because you want to get the paper

back into legitimate trade.

Hey, Angie, come here.

Come here!

Come here!

Angelino, come here!

Angelino, come here!

I just remembered.

Hey!

Uhh! Ok,

so we have to take $10 million worth

to get 2 million from you, right?

That's right. Nothing big.

How big do they get?

No certificates over 100,000.

U.S. treasury goes up to a million,

but they're impossible to move.

Stick to the small stuff,

100 grand and down.

How about payment?

Well, you get the stuff first.

Is there a number that's good, some--

you give me your number.

My number? Mm-hmm.

Oh, forget it.

My wife isn't in on it.

Your wife isn't in on it?

Uh-uh.

Your wife isn't in on it.

Your wife isn't in on it.

[Chuckles]

All of a sudden,

I believe you're on the level, kid.

I am on the level.

How good's your memory?

It's good. 6-9-1-9-9-7-0.

You call from a phone booth,

a booth you're sure of.

You'll ask, "is Archie there?"

They'll say, "no."

You'll leave a number.

Archie should call you back.

You'll hear from me in 15 minutes.

If not, try again later.

When you call, you say your name is Mr. Bux.

Hmm?

B-u-x. Spell it.

And don't call me with questions.

You take $10 million in securities

from wall street,

I'm gonna read about it in the newspaper.

I don't read about it in the newspaper,

I don't call back.

Hand me that box.

[Playing tune]

Take one.

Take one.

Havanas.

Havanas.

[Closes lid, music stops]

[Closes lid, music stops]

Thanks.

This one's for your friend

with the dog.

With the dog.

Nice talkin' to ya, kid.

You'll be hearing from me.

That's fine.

Give him his gun at the gate.

Give him his gun at the gate.

[Door shuts]

He covered himself good.

You make him? No.

Smart and stupid at the same time,

just like a cop.

I want his name, address,

and what he really does for a living.

You got it, boss.

You got it, boss.

[Door shuts]

Joe: Ok, hold it up here.

Just relax. Hold it up.

[All protesting]

Just hold it up. Relax, relax.

Excuse me, officer--

it'll only be a minute, only be a minute.

Easy! Easy, easy!

What's the problem?

The toilet backed up.

[Horn honks]

[Barks]

Hey, what's your hurry?

[Muttering]

[Muttering]

You know what O'Neill had in his house?

What?

A bowling alley.

No shit?

Go tell him crime doesn't pay.

What is it he wants us to rob?

They're called bearer bonds.

They're pieces of paper.

They're not heavy,

no trouble.

We walk in, we take 'em,

and we turn 'em right over.

Hey...

He smokes Havana cigars.

Joe, I tell you, this is our guy.

We're going to the south seas, kiddo.

[Music plays]

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

It's all right.

Chorus: ♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Man: It's all right.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Male singer: ♪ Seems like everyone wants one ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be one ♪

♪ Everybody wants the score ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ How do you get yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

It's all right.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ And you can't tell which is which ♪

♪ Everybody's on a caper ♪

♪ Everybody's got the itch ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ How do you get yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Man, on radio: ...28, down one.

Pfizer 38 1/8, up 1/8.

Allied chemical 32 1/4, down 1/4.

U.S. steel 31 1/2...

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

...down 5/8.

On the American stock exchange,

sales totaled 5 million...

[Gun shots]

Man: Help!

Help!

Help! Help!

[Police dispatcher chattering]

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

[Siren]

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ!

Shit!

Hey, grab it--

it's an artery. Grab it right there.

[Groans]

The money. The money!

He's got my money!

Shut up about the money!

He took my money!

Will you walk?!

Hey. Hey, I'm afraid to look.

Is it--is it, uh...

Hey. Is it...

Don't worry. Your goods are intact.

Joe: Almost had his leg shot off!

8 more inches, he's shot in the balls.

A little higher, he's shot in the heart--

he's dead.

[Ratcheting]

I can't wait till we do it

and get the hell out of all this.

What about the wives?

What about them?

What do we tell them?

Nothing.

What do you mean, "nothing"?

In the first place, they'll worry.

In the second place, they'll be against it.

In the third place, it's none of their business.

Yeah, well, I don't know about grace,

but if Mary suddenly finds herself

in Trinidad with a million bucks,

she's gonna suspect something.

Well, I'm not telling grace

till we get to Saskatchewan.

Get out here.

Get out here.

Where?

Saskatchewan.

It's in Canada.

It's in Canada.

I heard they got terrific farmland up there

that's available.

Grace and I always wanted to be farmers.

What happened to the old guy

that was here when they first brought you in?

Even though he was so sick, he was able to joke

and crack everybody up. Terrific guy.

What did they do, take him home?

No. He died.

No. He died.

In the middle of the night, he fell right out of bed.

I woke up. It scared the crap out of me.

He wanted to get out of here

and start doing things.

Man, on TV: Fellow number 2 is an avid mountaineer.

He likes to ride bicycles...

Like what?

He didn't know.

Man, on TV: His name-- Maurice Shef.

[Applause]

[Inhales]

And fellow number 3...

[Exhales]

Well, it's getting a little late.

I think maybe I better split.

Man, on TV: He loves the outdoors,

and he loves to sing.

Meet David springer!

[Applause]

Those are the 3 contestants

for today's game number one.

Now, our young lady today of course has not...

Well, you got your 20 now.

Right.

Well, I'm gonna go. I'll, uh, see you around, Paul.

Take it easy, huh?

Hey, Joe.

Hey, Joe.

Thanks for the peaches.

[Music plays]

[Siren]

[Tires screeching]

[Tires screeching]

[Horn honking]

Police dispatcher: 8-4-0 Columbus Avenue...

Joe: Hold it!

Joe: Stay down, stay down!

Police dispatcher: ...To the hallway.

4-5 Wedgewood Terrace.

45 Wedgewood terrace.

...in the hallway.

Where the hell are you going?!

After them! Jesus Christ!

They got a shotgun!

They'll blow your ass off!

They'll get away!

Who the hell gives a shit?

Get back in the car, cowboy!

Come on, Wyatt Earp. Go call in.

They shot the shit out of our radiator.

Tell 'em we need new wheels.

And put your piece away

before you blow your foot off.

You slow me up, all right?

Old timer. All right?

All the yo-yos I get.

Paul, get well!

Come back!

Give me a break, Joe!

Doc Holliday!

You're gonna kill me!

Joe: We tell the wives now, we'll never do it.

Tom: Ok. We don't tell 'em till it's over.

Not for 2 years, right?

Yeah. That's another thing.

I've been thinking about that.

2 years is a long time.

Joe, we agreed.

I know we agreed,

but I don't want a million bucks

buried in the ground,

and I get buried right alongside it.

We just can't do it and run, for Christ sake.

Yeah, yeah, I know, but 2 years is too long.

What do you suggest?

3 months.

You're crazy.

What do you suggest?

A year and a half.

9 months.

A year. You got it.

Hand me the wrench.

Get it yourself.

Ok.

Thanks, Jack. Take care.

[Elevator dings]

[Buzzing]

[Buzzing]

May I help you?

Hey, is that me?

Yeah.

What can I do for you?

Jeez, I never been on television before.

Are you a messenger?

No, I'm just, uh--

I'm looking for the employment office.

I'm supposed to come to work here.

Yeah, it's down on the eighth floor.

Oh. Then I'm in the wrong place, huh?

That's right.

Thanks.

♪ Swanee ♪

We get 'em all.

We get 'em all.

[Horns honking, music plays]

Joe: I got it.

We do a bomb scare. We phone in,

tell 'em there's a bomb in the vault,

then we answer the run ourselves.

Tom: Won't work.

But it will work.

It gets us in. That's the beauty!

And a couple of other cops answer the run

before we get out again.

Shit!

The problem isn't to get in.

The problem is to get out again with the bonds

and where we stash them.

It's impossible.

We'll never figure it out.

I'm gettin' a goddamn headache

from thinking.

"August 17,

"a week from Wednesday. 2:00.

Parade for the astronauts."

That's when we do it.

With all those mobs?

With all those mobs?

How do we get out of there?

In a radio car.

Tom: "150,000 people

"are lining the streets of lower Manhattan

"to watch the astronauts parade up Broadway

"to city hall.

650 extra police are being assigned to the job."

You know the car? Your radio car

and the trouble you've been having? Huh?

Well, here's what happens.

[Marching band playing]

[Marching band playing]

[Motor starts]

[Motor starts]

I have a very nervous stomach.

Don't think about it.

You give great advice.

We get in, we make our move.

If we can't get to the vault,

we back down and get out quick.

[Elevator dings]

[Doors open]

Guard: Yes, officers?

Got a complaint about ejection of an item

ejected from windows on the northeast corner

of the building.

What?

Somebody's throwin' junk out the windows.

From this floor?

That's right.

Gotta check it out.

Well, I'll call Mr. Eastpoole.

Yes, miss Wells? I got 2 cops here.

Say there's stuff being thrown out the window.

Yeah.

[Speaking quietly]

Ok.

He'll be right out.

We'll go back and meet him.

I'm sorry. I can't let you do that.

You can't get back there without an escort.

You can't let us in?

I'm sorry, officer,

but that's my instructions.

Tom: Not much doin' here today, huh?

Guard: Nah, not with that parade down there.

They might as well close up shop.

Good day for a robbery.

Good day for a robbery.

They'd never get through those doors.

And if they did,

they'd never get back out again. Huh.

Guard: He's coming now.

Guard: He's coming now.

Mr. Eastpoole's the senior partner here.

He'll take care of you.

He'll take care of you.

[Buzzing]

Yes, officers.

What can I do for you?

You Eastpoole?

I'm Mr. Eastpoole, yes.

What can I do for you?

We had a complaint about objects

ejected from your windows, Mr. Eastpoole.

From these offices?

That's the report we got, Mr. Eastpoole.

Have to check out the northeast corner.

Where's the other guard, Jack?

Jack: He, uh, went to the men's room, sir.

You mean he's leaning out the window

watching the parade.

Uh, he'll be right back, Mr. Eastpoole.

We pay for 2 men at this counter,

24 hours a day.

Look, Mr. Eastpoole,

I think we better check things out.

You know, quickly,

before some innocent bystander

gets his head cracked open down there.

You know what I mean, Mr. Eastpoole?

All right.

Come along.

[Door buzzer]

[Door buzzer]

Hello. This is Jack out front.

Right. Is Harry there?

Right. Will you tell him to haul his ass out here?

Eastpoole was just out.

[Parade march music playing]

[Parade march music playing]

Hold it.

Is there a camera here?

Can that guard check this area?

No, there's no need,

and there are no windows. What you want--

we know what we want.

Let's go to your office.

Why?

We don't have to show you our guns,

do we?

What is this?

It's a robbery.

What do you think it is?

[Crowd cheering]

Mr. Hutchinson called.

Mr. Hutchinson called.

Miss Wells, these people are here--

it's all right, miss.

There's nothing to worry about.

What's the matter?

They're not really police.

We're desperate criminals, ma'am.

We're engaged in a major robbery.

Eastpoole: There's no way you can get away with this.

Any of those guards start getting excited

while we're here,

and you're all through, Mr. Eastpoole.

You don't have to threaten me.

I'll cooperate.

The authorities will pick you people up later.

Now, that's the way to think, Mr. Eastpoole.

I don't know what you expect to accomplish anyway.

We deal in securities here.

We don't have cash.

We're not looking for cash, Mr. Eastpoole.

We want bearer bonds.

Bearer bonds?

$10 million worth.

What denomination?

Nothing over $100,000,

nothing under 20.

All right, look.

You and I are gonna wait here

while my partner and your lady friend

take a little walk to the vault.

You understand, Mr. Eastpoole?

I can't.

Yes, you can.

You're gonna do just fine.

It's all right, miss Wells.

We don't want any violence.

You do just as they say,

and nobody will get hurt.

Now, you go to the Morrison fund drawer,

and you'll find just what they want.

Bearer bonds.

Nothing over 100,000.

They'll want 10 million.

You may have to make up the difference

from the Ely Kay corporation.

You know which drawer that is.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Now just be calm,

do just what I say,

and everything will be all right.

We don't want any violence, miss Wells.

No...

Of course not.

[Parade crowd cheering]

Sit down.

I don't want a whole lot of shooting.

Neither do I.

We walk right to the vault.

I understand.

[Squeaks]

[Squeaks]

All we want is the money,

and none of it's yours.

Right?

Exactly.

Right.

[Buzzing]

There are TV cameras in there, right?

Yes.

I'm gonna wait for you right here.

All right.

Now remember,

when you get in to that vault,

my partner can watch you on the monitor.

I'll do just as you wish.

Ok. Go.

[Buzzing]

Hello, miss Wells.

Hello, Girard.

Lots of excitement out there today.

Yes, so it seems.

Astronauts go by yet?

No, not yet.

It's a long parade.

Yes, isn't it?

Yes, isn't it?

[Music plays]

[Cracking knuckles]

Attagirl.

Come on, come on.

[Parade crowd cheering]

[Parade crowd cheering]

Joe: What the--

wait a minute.

What...

What...

What the hell is going on?!

Who are they? I don't know.

What the hell is that?!

I swear I don't know!

Who called them?!

[Telephone rings]

[Rings] Answer it!

You gotta be careful, or I'll blow your brains out.

Pick it up!

Eastpoole: Yes?

Eastpoole: Yes?

What?!

What do they--

one moment, one moment.

They want to search the offices.

What for?

2 men shot and robbed a messenger

in the elevator.

Oh, my Christ.

I gotta tell them something.

You're calling the shots.

All right, tell them to go ahead and search,

but not in here.

Very well, go ahead and search,

but not in this office.

They can be sure there's no one here.

All right, get me the vault.

I wanna talk to that girl.

I wanna talk to that girl.

Hurry up, hurry up!

[Dialing]

Come on.

[Ringing]

It's ringing.

[Buzzing]

[Buzzing]

Ok?

Ok?

Come on, come on!

[Door clicks]

[Buzzing]

Hello, miss Wells.

What route are they taking back?

I'm trying to think!

[Buzzing]

Anything goes wrong, I swear to god,

you're the first one dead.

You're the first one dead.

It's ringing.

It's ringing.

Hello?

Is miss Wells there?

No, sir, Mr. Eastpoole.

She hasn't been through yet.

[Marching band playing]

[Whistle blows]

Yes. Bye.

You son of a bitch, you signaled!

But I didn't!

You're a dead man.

Ok, ok. What happened, damn it?

I tried to call you.

There's cops all over the place.

What the hell's going on?

There was a robbery in the elevator.

A messenger was killed.

Tom: Killed?

Shit!

What's in there?

A John.

Lock them up. We're getting out of here.

Come on. Get in here.

Move, move!

I'll do that.

It's all right, Janet.

It'll all be over soon.

You won't be here too long.

I'll leave the light on.

Ok, Mr. Eastpoole?

[Shredder grinding]

What the hell are you doing?!

Getting us out of here.

What are you, crazy?

Listen to me. There's been a killing.

They're gonna search everybody, even us.

Joe, I know what I'm doing.

If there's no evidence, there's no crime.

What the hell are you talking about?

I'm talking about tomorrow's newspaper.

When O'Neill sees that, he'll see we got the whole thing.

Joe, Joe, we're stealing a headline.

All he has to do is think we got the bonds.

Now will you help me throw this out,

so we can get out of here?

You bet your life.

We're stealing a headline!

Beautiful!

We're getting it all, Joe.

We're gonna pull it off, no matter what happens.

Whoo hoo!

[Marching band playing]

Hurry, hurry!

I'm hurrying! What do you want from me?

Come on. Get everything!

Jesus Christ!

Get these! Get these!

Wait a minute--here come the men in blue.

Hey, schmucks,

what are you doing with your lives?

Joe: Hurry up!

Whoo!

Come on, come on. Get it all!

Look at this!

Beautiful!

Whoo hoo!

Here come the astronauts! They're smiling.

That's the last of them.

Joe: Beautiful! Let's get the hell out of here!

Tom: There's some over here.

Get every last piece.

I will, I will. Ok.

Now get the window.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here.

Let's get out of here.

We gotta get an escort to get out of here.

So, we'll get an escort.

Miss.

Yes?

Could you show us where the elevators are?

Sure. You go right over here--

I'd sure appreciate it if you'd show us.

Uh, ok.

Come on.

Harry: Those other cops are coming out.

I wonder if they found anything.

Sure. Why not?

[Buzz]

[Buzz buzz buzz]

Find anything?

Aw, must have been a different floor.

Maybe they just stopped doing it.

It could be.

[Elevator bell dings]

They'll let anybody be a cop these days.

Yeah.

President on TV: Hello, Neil and burns.

I'm talking to you by telephone

from the oval room at the white house.

Hey, how's it going?

President: I just can't tell you

how proud we all are of what you've...

TV: Disguised as police officers

in a daring daylight robbery

penetrated the sophisticated electronic defenses

of the prestigious wall street firm

of Parker, Tillman, Eastpoole

in what may turn out to be the largest stock theft

in wall street history.

The ringleaders of the carefully-planned

and brilliantly-engineered robbery

entered the brokerage offices

under cover of a ticker tape parade

honoring astronauts...

[Newscasts all playing at once]

[Vacuum running]

TV: ...The firm Parker, Tillman, and Eastpoole.

According to Raymond Eastpoole,

the senior partner in the brokerage house,

the gang made off yesterday afternoon

with $12 million in negotiable--

$12million?

TV: The perpetrators entered the premises

at approximately 1:10 P.M.

They gained access to the brokerage office

by impersonating police officers

responding to a complaint.

Reporter: Is there any chance at all

that these were real policemen?

Well, I'll tell you, Lou, definitely not.

Their behavior was definitely eccentric.

You just don't have police personnel

behaving, heh, in that fashion.

Then you're confident that the thieves

have no connection with the police department?

Absolutely not.

I don't get it.

Eastpoole and that secretary.

That's why they cooperated.

What do you mean?

Eastpoole. He ripped off $2 million.

What?!

We stole 10, he reported 12.

That's $1 million apiece-- one for him and one for her.

The perfect crime.

Right.

And we pulled it for them.

That slick son of a bitch.

Ohh!

Watch the road.

[Mandolin music playing]

TV: The professional criminals who masterminded

yesterday's daring daylight robbery on wall street

have created embarrassment for the police department

in their use of police uniforms...

Hey, Marty.

Reporter Lou wood spoke with police commissioner Evinrude...

Hello, Pasquale.

Lou wood: Any chance at all

that these actually were...

How are you, Mr. Joe?

I can't complain.

Evinrude: We do not believe that this is a crime

which police officers would have committed.

The police force is not perfect,

but armed robbery is not a matter of police crime.

Lou: Is it possible that the getaway car

really was a police car?

Evinrude: You mean stolen?

Lou: Well, stolen or borrowed.

Evinrude: The possibility is being investigated.

So far, we have no evidence of any missing police vehicles.

Or borrowed?

Or borrowed.

And that possibility is being investigated?

All possibilities are being investigated.

How's your family?

Very well, thank you.

That's the most important thing.

That's true.

And how's your family?

And how's your family?

They're all right, thank god.

Good.

How's Carmella feeling?

My mother? Much better, thank you.

Good.

TV: ...In which they were originally submitted,

allowing conditions in paperwork conducive to cover-up.

[TV shuts off]

What about this thing?

I never thought they'd do it.

I'm happy for you, Pasquale.

Thank you, Mr. Joe.

The only thing is, I didn't expect it.

You ain't got no cash?

Put it all into that Santo Domingo thing.

Ahh.

Use a bag full of newspapers.

Or use a dozen rolls. Take out 100,000.

It won't work, Mr. Joe.

They'll have to see it all before they go for it.

How much?

2 million.

2 million?

That's a lot of cash.

I got the people, Mr. Joe.

I can smother them.

Are they cops or ain't they?

What's the difference?

We gotta hit 'em, and we'll hit 'em.

But quietly.

Quietly, Mr. Joe.

Well...

All right.

But it's your responsibility, the whole thing.

I understand, Mr. Joe.

[Music plays]

TV: Reporter frank Disney spoke with private guards

John Garrity and Harold Loomis.

Frank Disney: Did the perpetrators

seem to know police procedure pretty well?

Well, frank, I'll tell you,

I was suspicious of them right from the start.

They just didn't act right.

I was 27 years on the force, Bridgeport, Connecticut.

I know a cop when I see one.

Frank: Did you act on your suspicions at the time?

Well, I kept an eye on them.

Could have been a ruse, you know.

My job is to stay at my post,

not get drawn away.

Frank: Then, in your judgment,

the thieves were not actual police officers?

Not a chance. Their hair was too long.

Joe: So when do we call your mafia guy?

Joe: So when do we call your mafia guy?

Tom: Pretty soon.

You're already past pretty soon.

Seems more like never.

Seems more like never.

Tom: Last week, I went into a phone booth.

Joe: That took a lot of guts.

Couple weeks from now,

you'll probably drop a dime in.

I don't know. It's like we already got away with it.

Why push our luck, you know what I mean?

Got away with what?

So far, all we got is air.

I'm scared of O'Neill, damn it.

Look, I was afraid of the robbery.

I was scared out of my head.

But we did it.

This time, we could get killed.

This time, we could get killed.

Do we do it, or don't we do it?

Yeah, we do it.

[Telephone rings]

I'm expecting--

well, I have to make a call, too!

What do you think, it's your phone booth?

[Car horns honk]

Hello.

Uh, this is Mr. Bux. B-u-x.

Yeah, we need a time to set up.

No, we'll tell you where.

Abercrombie & Fitch has a wicker picnic basket.

It's about 38 bucks with tax.

It's the only one they have at that price, right?

Tom, on phone: Next Sunday, 3:00, in central park.

Yeah. Right. Central park.

Because it's bicycle day and there's no cars allowed.

Because we don't trust you, right?

All right. You send no more than 4 people,

2 of them female, into the park from the west

at 76th street.

Carry the goods in one of those picnic baskets.

[Bicycle bell rings]

[Music plays]

[Bicycle bell rings]

[Indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie]

[Bicycle bell rings]

I'm Mr. Bux.

B-u-x.

You got the package?

You got yours?

You got yours?

Now, uh, I'm not gonna make any sudden moves,

but, uh, I'm gonna reach my hand in there

and take a few.

Who says?

That's the way it's gotta be.

I have to see your goods.

You'll see them.

Wanna make the switch or not?

Hey, Marty, cops there.

Yeah, I know about that.

That's my partner.

Let's get on with it.

You got the stuff in the car?

We don't make any more moves

until I check out your basket.

Sure, why not?

I'll do it.

There's no way you can get a thing with this.

Well, call your partner over, and we'll talk.

You want the goods, show us the money.

Relax. It's good.

They got wheels?

A police car?

What's happening?

I spotted 6 guys out there so far.

There's gotta be more, right?

There's gotta be more, right?

They really don't want us to get out of here, do they?

Hey, Marty, I hope you know what you're doing.

That's papa Joe's bread.

Don't worry about it.

It's all right. It's all right.

[Tires screeching, horn honking]

[Tires screeching, horn honking]

They look all right to me. What do you think?

I don't know. I guess they're ok.

We'll make the switch right now.

Go talk to your people.

You really as cool as all that, or is it bullshit?

It's bullshit.

What are you gonna do?

[Sighs]

[Horn honks]

[Indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie]

You still gotta look it over?

Yeah--in the car.

The car?

In the car.

We make the switch in the car,

or my partner leaves right now.

Ok. It's all right.

Ok. It's all right.

It's better inside.

Go ahead.

[Music plays]

Leave that basket right where it is.

[Ominous music]

Keep your hands down.

You make one move, I'll blow your head

right out the window.

You guys know what you're doing?

I hope you do

'cause if you don't, we're all dead.

Man: Come back!

[Horn honks]

Man: Hey! Hey, hold it!

[Indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie]

[Indistinct chatter on walkie-talkie]

[Tires screech]

[Horn honking]

Get out of the way, stupid!

Joe: Shit! They got us blocked!

Tom: Try another exit.

[Tires screech]

Yeah, why don't you do that?

Keep your face shut!

[Tires screech]

Austin drive?

17th.

Ok.

Don't worry about it.

Just keep them bottled up.

It doesn't change anything.

[Horn honking]

Joe: Come on, get out of the way!

Oh, Christ, they got this one blocked off, too!

What the hell, is the whole park sealed off?!

I told you not to touch that.

What is this? You guys are really stupid.

I can't believe how stupid you are.

Joe: Get him out of here!

You're not going anywhere.

No, but you are. Get out!

Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, that's a good idea.

If I stay in the car with you 2 guys,

I'll be a dead man.

Get out! Get out!

Tom: Turn around. Turn around.

Joe: Look at this!

I know these guys.

They got us covered good.

Looks like they got the whole softball team with them.

Joe, move out, move out.

Ok, ok!

Move, move!

Jesus Christ. Get out of there! Get out of the way!

[Horn honking]

Joe: Hey, get out of the way, or I'll run you over!

Come on! Get out!

[Horn honking]

Get out of the way, will ya? Come on!

Tom: Get back here!

Hold it! Get away from the car.

Joe: I'm a cop! I'll blow your brains out!

Tom: You stupid... Get out of here.

Keep him outside.

This is a buster Keaton movie.

These guys are really stupid.

Joe: Hey, over here.

You know what this means, pal?

You know what this means? And this one, too!

This guy's got a piece in his back pocket.

Who the hell are these guys?

Tom: They're with O'Neill!

How many men do they have, for Christ's sake?

They're all over the place.

They can't all be Italian!

Where the hell is the difference?

They got guns. They got guns.

They're trying to take us somewhere.

Hey, look over there.

Joe, calm down. Let's...

J-just be cool. Be cool.

Get out of here!

[Brakes screech]

[Horn honking]

[Horn honking]

At least we're rid of those goons.

Yeah.

Tom: Here they come again.

Here they come again.

We've had it.

We'll never get outta here, goddamn it!

Yeah? Watch this move.

I'm gonna put this tub

right back where we stole it from.

What are you doin'?

Hang on, baby. Here we go.

Joe, what are you doin'?

Get ready!

Get ready!

Joe! Joe!

Here we go!

[Muttering]

Oh, wow.

[Laughing] Oh...

Oh...Shit!

Have I got big ones or not?

Ha ha ha!

You've got 'em.

Let's get outta here.

Let's get outta here.

Sh--Jesus Christ.

Sh--Jesus Christ.

Come on. Come on.

Chorus: ♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Man: It's all right.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

It's all right.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Male singer: ♪ Seems like everyone wants more ♪

♪ Everybody wants to be one ♪

♪ Ah ♪

♪ Everybody wants to score ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ How do you get ♪

♪ Yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ And you can't tell which is which ♪

♪ Everybody's on a caper ♪

♪ Everybody's got the itch ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

How you doin'?

Nice.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Hey, you with the basket,

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Oh, ok.

Oh, ok.

♪ And you can't tell who is who ♪

Man: Forget about it.

♪ Everybody's on a bank job ♪

Don't worry about it.

♪ Everybody's rent is due ♪

It's all right.

♪ They're getting theirs ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ How do you get ♪

♪ Yours? ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

You sure you took the right basket out of the car?

Are you kidding?

Of course.

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

♪ It's a world of cops and robbers ♪

Over here, we got it!

Chorus: ♪ ...Sleep ♪

♪ Dream a dream ♪

♪ Your dreams will all come true ♪

♪ In the dark of night ♪

♪ ♪ The starlight will gleam

♪ In the heat of day ♪

Man on radio: Allied chemical 6 3/4...

Down 22 points...

♪ And you wake to find ♪

♪ It was not a dream ♪

♪ When you sleep ♪

♪ Dream a dream ♪

♪ Dream, dreamers, dream ♪

[Priest speaking Latin]

♪ The world ♪

♪ Belongs to you ♪

♪ For you dream of building ♪

♪ Castles in air ♪

♪ And you leap the moon ♪

♪ While others despair ♪

♪ And we know we owe ♪

♪ This land we call fair ♪

♪ To the dreams ♪

Priest: Let us entrust our brother Pasquale

to the god, that he

may raise him again in the last days

and make him one of his saints in his kingdom.

♪ Who will dream... ♪

Let us pray to Jesus Christ our lord,

who helped poor Lazarus when he was dead.

May he wipe the tears from our eyes,

that you who raised the dead to life

may give another life to Pasquale, our brother.

Let us pray to the lord.

♪ A dream... ♪

That you who promised paradise to the repentant,

may he take Pasquale, our brother, into heaven.

Let us pray to the lord.

♪ Come true ♪

♪ It's a dream of peace ♪

♪ On earth for all men ♪

♪ It's a dream the sword ♪

♪ Will bow to the pen ♪

♪ It's a dream that love ♪

♪ Will conquer again ♪

♪ It's a dream ♪

♪ Dreamers dream ♪

♪ Sleep and you will dream ♪

♪ Good night ♪

♪ God bless your sweet dreams ♪

♪ Sleep ♪

♪ Dream a dream ♪

Captioning made possible by MGM home entertainment