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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:02:36,284 --> 00:02:37,681
I was dreamin'.
3
00:02:39,019 --> 00:02:41,336
Dreamin' my dick was out
and I was checking to see
4
00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:44,740
if that infected bump on the head
of it had filled with pus again.
5
00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,575
If it had, I was gonna name
that bump after my ex-wife Priscilla
6
00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:49,742
and bust it by jackin' off.
7
00:02:49,842 --> 00:02:50,876
Oh, man.
8
00:02:50,976 --> 00:02:52,795
Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do.
9
00:02:53,701 --> 00:02:55,950
Dreams let you think like that.
10
00:02:56,050 --> 00:03:00,496
Truth was, I hadn't had
a hard-on in years.
11
00:03:23,397 --> 00:03:24,887
Oh, man.
12
00:03:56,864 --> 00:04:00,345
My God, man.
How long have I been here?
13
00:04:00,445 --> 00:04:03,915
Am I really awake now,
or am I just dreamin' I'm awake?
14
00:04:04,015 --> 00:04:07,154
How could my plans
have gone so wrong?
15
00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,389
When the hell are they
gonna serve lunch?
16
00:04:09,489 --> 00:04:12,206
Considerin' what they serve,
why the hell do I care?
17
00:04:13,847 --> 00:04:17,666
If Priscilla discovered I was alive,
would she come and see me?
18
00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:22,003
Would we still wanna fuck?
Or would we merely have to talk about it?
19
00:04:22,103 --> 00:04:23,804
Is there, finally and really,
20
00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:27,224
anything to life other than
food, shit, and sex?
21
00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:36,629
Well, goddamnit.
22
00:04:39,473 --> 00:04:42,636
How could I have gone from
the "King of rock and roll"to this?
23
00:04:43,343 --> 00:04:47,006
Old guy in a rest home in East Texas
with a growth on his pecker.
24
00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:07,212
And what is that growth, man?
25
00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:10,031
Cancer? Nobody's talkin'.
26
00:05:10,637 --> 00:05:13,629
No one seems to know...
or wants to.
27
00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:19,532
Makes you wonder, doesn't it,
what kind of life this old guy had?
28
00:06:20,674 --> 00:06:24,493
What kind of life he had, you know.
His kids, his grandkids, his legacy.
29
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,725
Look at him now.
30
00:06:25,825 --> 00:06:27,473
Oh, who gives a shit?
31
00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:10,854
Well...
32
00:07:21,735 --> 00:07:23,396
Make you comfortable.
33
00:07:29,171 --> 00:07:30,384
No.
34
00:09:12,179 --> 00:09:14,739
I'm gonna squish you, cockroach!
35
00:10:18,945 --> 00:10:20,435
Help me.
36
00:11:11,798 --> 00:11:13,614
You know, I was thinkin'...
37
00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,850
What? You gonna get
all weepy on me again?
38
00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:20,918
No. I was merely gonna suggest that you
use some of this here deodorizer
39
00:11:21,018 --> 00:11:24,499
and spray it on that corpse
because she's smellin' pretty ripe.
40
00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:29,546
Good idea.
41
00:12:41,421 --> 00:12:42,718
Excuse me, miss?
42
00:12:44,224 --> 00:12:45,624
You gonna throw all that stuff out?
43
00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:47,459
Yeah.
44
00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:50,427
Could I have one
of them pictures of Bull?
45
00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,263
Maybe his... his Purple Heart?
46
00:12:54,134 --> 00:12:56,783
I mean,
he was pretty proud of that.
47
00:12:56,883 --> 00:13:00,567
And maybe that... that tin
of chocolates there?
48
00:13:02,642 --> 00:13:03,973
I suppose.
49
00:13:09,115 --> 00:13:13,266
The revealin' of her panties
wasn't intentional or unintentional.
50
00:13:13,366 --> 00:13:14,832
She just didn't give a damn.
51
00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:17,969
She saw me as so physically
and sexually non-threatenin',
52
00:13:18,069 --> 00:13:21,308
she didn't mind if I got
a bird's-eye view of her love nest.
53
00:13:21,408 --> 00:13:24,124
It was the same to her
as a house cat sneakin' a peek.
54
00:13:25,198 --> 00:13:29,032
I felt my pecker flutter once like
a pigeon havin' a heart attack...
55
00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:32,363
then it laid back down
and remained limp and still.
56
00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:36,099
'Course, these days, even a flutter
was kind of reassurin'.
57
00:13:38,878 --> 00:13:40,194
- Here.
- Thank you.
58
00:13:40,294 --> 00:13:41,480
Say...
59
00:13:42,749 --> 00:13:43,997
Bull your kin?
60
00:13:44,097 --> 00:13:45,244
My daddy.
61
00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:49,451
Never seen you here before.
62
00:13:50,256 --> 00:13:53,851
I've only been here once before.
When I checked him in.
63
00:13:54,894 --> 00:13:56,725
That's three years ago, wasn't it?
64
00:13:58,198 --> 00:13:59,514
You and him friends?
65
00:13:59,614 --> 00:14:02,796
No, we just roommates. I mean,
he never felt good enough to say much.
66
00:14:03,436 --> 00:14:06,599
I just hated to see what
was left of him go away so easy.
67
00:14:09,009 --> 00:14:11,326
Seemed like an all right guy.
68
00:14:11,426 --> 00:14:15,331
Mentioned you a lot.
You're... you're Callie, right?
69
00:14:15,431 --> 00:14:16,431
Yeah.
70
00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:19,315
Well... he was all right.
71
00:14:20,253 --> 00:14:22,448
But not enough so you'd
come and see him, though.
72
00:14:23,289 --> 00:14:26,770
Don't lay some guilt trip on me, mister.
I did what I could.
73
00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:30,510
I mean, if it hadn't been for Medicaid
or Medicare... whatever that stuff was...
74
00:14:30,610 --> 00:14:32,497
he'd have been
in some ditch somewhere.
75
00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:37,492
And I sure didn't have the money
to take care of him.
76
00:14:41,307 --> 00:14:42,638
My own daughter...
77
00:14:43,309 --> 00:14:45,727
Lost long ago to me...
78
00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:48,731
if she knew I lived,
would she come and see me?
79
00:14:48,831 --> 00:14:50,214
Would she even care?
80
00:14:51,184 --> 00:14:54,676
You could've come and seen him.
They don't charge you for that.
81
00:14:55,388 --> 00:14:56,787
Mind your own business.
82
00:14:58,224 --> 00:14:59,714
I was busy.
83
00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:18,424
Well, well, well.
If it isn't my favorite patient.
84
00:15:18,524 --> 00:15:20,491
How are you this morning, Mr. Haff?
85
00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:22,228
I'm all right.
86
00:15:22,328 --> 00:15:25,700
But I prefer Mr. Presley or Elvis.
I keep tellin' you that.
87
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,276
I don't go by
Sebastian Haff anymore, okay?
88
00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:30,603
I'm not tryin' to hide anymore.
89
00:15:30,703 --> 00:15:33,609
Well, of course I knew that.
I forgot.
90
00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,025
Good morning, Elvis.
91
00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:41,648
Did you know we have
a celebrity here, Miss Thomas?
92
00:15:41,748 --> 00:15:44,862
Elvis Presley. You know,
the rock and roll singer.
93
00:15:46,372 --> 00:15:48,033
I thought he was dead.
94
00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:53,025
Well, actually, Elvis is dead.
Mr. Haff knows that. Don't you, Mr. Haff?
95
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:56,363
Hell, no. I'm right here.
I ain't dead.
96
00:15:56,892 --> 00:15:57,965
Yet.
97
00:15:58,318 --> 00:16:01,118
Now, Mr. Haff!
98
00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,870
I don't mind calling you "Elvis."
99
00:16:03,970 --> 00:16:06,775
But you're a little confused
and you like to play sometimes.
100
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:11,729
You were an
Elvis impersonator, remember?
101
00:16:13,766 --> 00:16:16,719
You fell off the stage
and broke your hip... when was it?
102
00:16:16,819 --> 00:16:18,282
Twenty years ago.
103
00:16:18,382 --> 00:16:22,190
It got infected and you were
in a coma for quite a while.
104
00:16:22,290 --> 00:16:26,609
You came out with a few...
problems.
105
00:16:28,915 --> 00:16:32,632
Look, I was just impersonatin' myself.
I couldn't do nothin' else.
106
00:16:32,732 --> 00:16:34,035
I don't have any problems.
107
00:16:34,135 --> 00:16:36,234
You're tryin' to say
my brain's messed up, aren't you?
108
00:16:36,334 --> 00:16:38,780
Why would you
wanna be somebody else?
109
00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:40,952
I got tired of it.
110
00:16:41,861 --> 00:16:43,841
I was hooked on pills, you know.
111
00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:45,510
I wanted out.
112
00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,314
And this boy Sebastian Haff...
he was an Elvis imitator.
113
00:16:48,414 --> 00:16:51,234
He was the best of 'em.
He took my place.
114
00:16:51,971 --> 00:16:53,700
Problem is, he had a bad heart.
115
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,858
He liked drugs, too.
Liked them more than I did.
116
00:16:56,958 --> 00:17:00,970
So it was him that died, not me.
I just took his place.
117
00:17:01,514 --> 00:17:04,915
But why would you want
to leave all that fame, Mr. Presley?
118
00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:07,565
All that money?
119
00:17:07,665 --> 00:17:09,986
I don't know.
'Cause they got old.
120
00:17:13,593 --> 00:17:18,075
The woman I loved... Priscilla...
she was gone.
121
00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:20,826
The rest of the women...
were just women.
122
00:17:22,435 --> 00:17:24,983
I mean, the music
wasn't mine anymore.
123
00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:28,063
I wasn't even me anymore.
Just this thing they made up.
124
00:17:30,743 --> 00:17:32,074
And my friends...
125
00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:36,512
Well, they were suckin' me dry.
126
00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:43,883
So I took a little road trip
down to Nacogdoches...
127
00:17:44,891 --> 00:17:48,884
to check out this Sebastian Haff.
128
00:18:35,942 --> 00:18:37,603
It's all right, boys.
Just wait here.
129
00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:02,761
Oh, my God.
130
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,238
I didn't think you'd really...
131
00:19:31,331 --> 00:19:34,664
It's all right, boys.
Just another freak.
132
00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:37,329
Let's split.
133
00:19:50,216 --> 00:19:52,600
- Sorry, man.
- King, I got it. I got it.
134
00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,016
It's all yours, baby.
135
00:20:02,929 --> 00:20:05,780
So I signed everything
over to Sebastian.
136
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,346
Except for enough money
to sustain me if things got bad.
137
00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:12,449
I was determined
to make myself a new life.
138
00:20:12,549 --> 00:20:13,869
A better one.
139
00:20:16,209 --> 00:20:18,871
But me and Sebastian,
we had us a deal.
140
00:20:20,947 --> 00:20:22,938
If I wanted to trade back, he'd let me.
141
00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,174
It was all written up in the contract.
142
00:20:27,253 --> 00:20:28,833
The thing was...
143
00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:31,412
I lost my copy
in a barbeque accident.
144
00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:34,305
But that wasn't so bad, either.
145
00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:37,557
I was makin' new friends
and enjoyin' myself.
146
00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:41,293
Cheers!
147
00:20:51,878 --> 00:20:54,938
Oh, my God.
Did you see that thing?
148
00:20:58,384 --> 00:20:59,874
It just went up like that.
149
00:21:00,820 --> 00:21:04,017
- Now, Elvis.
- Yes?
150
00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:08,272
Don't carry it too far.
151
00:21:08,372 --> 00:21:12,354
You may just get way out there
and not come back.
152
00:21:13,499 --> 00:21:14,989
Oh, fuck you.
153
00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:18,003
Shit.
154
00:21:18,571 --> 00:21:22,052
Get old, you can't even cuss
someone and have it bother 'em.
155
00:21:22,152 --> 00:21:26,134
Everything you do is either
worthless or sadly amusing.
156
00:21:26,879 --> 00:21:28,279
Well...
157
00:21:28,414 --> 00:21:30,245
I've got what I want.
158
00:21:31,117 --> 00:21:33,935
The clothes can go
to Goodwill or Salvation Army.
159
00:21:34,035 --> 00:21:38,637
Very well. And I'm sorry about
your father. He was a nice man.
160
00:21:38,737 --> 00:21:39,737
Yeah.
161
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,940
It was nice to meet you, Mr. Presley.
162
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,224
- Get the hell out.
- Now, now.
163
00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:52,436
I'll be back later to do that little... thing
that has to be done. You know.
164
00:21:57,076 --> 00:21:58,134
Elvis!
165
00:22:08,821 --> 00:22:09,981
Poor Bull.
166
00:22:11,991 --> 00:22:16,155
In the end...
does anything really matter?
167
00:22:20,333 --> 00:22:22,324
No one here ever listened to me.
168
00:22:23,002 --> 00:22:27,389
Except this one guy...
only, he was certifiable.
169
00:22:27,489 --> 00:22:29,655
That's where they took
a piece of my brain.
170
00:22:29,755 --> 00:22:33,200
They got it back in D.C.
in that goddamn jar.
171
00:22:35,147 --> 00:22:38,207
I got a little bag of sand
up there now.
172
00:22:39,285 --> 00:22:41,776
Jack... no offense, but...
173
00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:44,773
President Kennedy was a white man.
174
00:22:44,873 --> 00:22:46,837
That's how clever they are!
175
00:22:46,937 --> 00:22:49,907
They dyed me this color.
All over!
176
00:22:50,007 --> 00:22:53,397
Can you think of a better way
to hide the truth than that?
177
00:23:51,857 --> 00:23:53,518
I was livin' simple.
178
00:23:54,727 --> 00:23:56,408
The way Haff had been.
179
00:23:56,508 --> 00:23:59,487
Going from town to town
doin' the Elvis act.
180
00:24:00,399 --> 00:24:02,783
Only, I felt like I
was really me again.
181
00:24:02,883 --> 00:24:04,184
Can you dig that?
182
00:24:04,284 --> 00:24:07,535
We're diggin' it, Mr. Haff...
Mr. Presley.
183
00:24:45,468 --> 00:24:47,023
Women were
throwin' themselves at me
184
00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:49,031
'cause they could imagine I was Elvis.
185
00:24:49,131 --> 00:24:52,967
Only, I was Elvis playing
Sebastian Haff playing Elvis.
186
00:24:53,067 --> 00:24:54,531
It was all pretty good.
187
00:24:54,631 --> 00:24:56,701
I didn't mind the contract
being burned up.
188
00:24:56,801 --> 00:24:58,950
Didn't even try to go back
and convince anybody.
189
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,774
Then I had the accident.
190
00:25:02,874 --> 00:25:06,093
I was gyratin', see, takin' care business,
and then my hip went out.
191
00:25:07,733 --> 00:25:09,462
I'd been havin' trouble with it.
192
00:25:26,318 --> 00:25:28,115
Damn. It's cold in here tonight.
193
00:25:38,998 --> 00:25:42,161
No way. That's it.
This time, I make it.
194
00:25:43,269 --> 00:25:45,669
No more piss or crap
in the bed.
195
00:26:11,330 --> 00:26:12,661
Shake it out...
196
00:26:22,575 --> 00:26:23,906
There we go.
197
00:26:57,843 --> 00:27:02,041
Man... that is one
big bitch cockroach.
198
00:27:34,747 --> 00:27:36,009
All right, man. Let's go.
199
00:27:45,024 --> 00:27:46,024
Damn.
200
00:27:50,563 --> 00:27:52,292
Hot damn!
201
00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,692
Got you, you six-legged bastard.
202
00:29:04,670 --> 00:29:08,333
Even a big bitch cockroach
like you should know...
203
00:29:09,708 --> 00:29:14,202
Never... but never fuck with the King.
204
00:29:32,431 --> 00:29:35,594
Hey! Is anybody out here?
205
00:29:40,372 --> 00:29:43,205
I think we got some major
bug problems in this place, man!
206
00:30:50,509 --> 00:30:52,443
Oh, man...
207
00:30:54,013 --> 00:30:55,071
Hey, Jack?
208
00:31:06,892 --> 00:31:08,223
Hey, man, you okay?
209
00:31:15,234 --> 00:31:17,725
What the Sam Hill is that?
210
00:31:21,140 --> 00:31:22,300
Mr. Kennedy?
211
00:31:29,448 --> 00:31:32,611
Hey, man...
you're on the floor.
212
00:31:34,019 --> 00:31:35,247
No shit.
213
00:31:36,588 --> 00:31:37,816
Who are you?
214
00:31:38,824 --> 00:31:39,984
Look, I'm...
215
00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,420
Sebastian. Sebastian Haff.
216
00:31:45,230 --> 00:31:47,824
Did you see him go by in the hall?
217
00:31:49,134 --> 00:31:51,295
He scuttled like.
218
00:31:52,104 --> 00:31:54,766
- Who, man?
- The one they sent.
219
00:31:55,707 --> 00:31:59,154
- Who's "they"?
- Oh, you know who.
220
00:31:59,254 --> 00:32:00,973
No, Jack, I don't.
Come on, man.
221
00:32:02,948 --> 00:32:04,764
Lyndon Johnson.
222
00:32:04,864 --> 00:32:06,329
Castro, maybe.
223
00:32:06,429 --> 00:32:09,399
They sent somebody to finish me off.
224
00:32:09,499 --> 00:32:12,637
I think maybe it was Johnson himself.
225
00:32:12,737 --> 00:32:16,740
Real ugly.
Real goddamn ugly!
226
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,078
Look, man,
President Johnson's dead.
227
00:32:19,178 --> 00:32:22,656
Shit. That ain't gonna stop him.
228
00:32:27,873 --> 00:32:29,033
Get his feet.
229
00:32:35,047 --> 00:32:37,106
So, you say you heard a... a noise?
230
00:32:38,217 --> 00:32:41,035
Well, a sound's a sound, you know?
I mean, I heard something.
231
00:32:41,135 --> 00:32:45,507
It was like a... I don't know.
Like a... like a scuttling.
232
00:32:45,607 --> 00:32:48,116
- A scuttling sound?
- Yes, sir.
233
00:32:49,027 --> 00:32:53,009
Were you awake or were you
in bed when you heard this noise?
234
00:32:53,109 --> 00:32:56,917
I was in bed first, then I was awake
'cause the damn bugs woke me up.
235
00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:58,833
You got bugs all over this place.
236
00:33:00,005 --> 00:33:04,690
Bugs... well, Mr. Haff, what kind
of bugs have you been seeing?
237
00:33:04,790 --> 00:33:07,161
Look, do I look like
an ichthyologist to you?
238
00:33:07,261 --> 00:33:08,393
Big damn bugs, all right?
239
00:33:08,493 --> 00:33:11,630
The size of my fist. The size
of a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
240
00:33:11,730 --> 00:33:14,034
What do I care?
I got a growth on my pecker.
241
00:33:14,134 --> 00:33:16,267
Okay, Mr. Haff.
Don't worry about a thing.
242
00:33:16,367 --> 00:33:19,774
We'll call the exterminator tomorrow
and we'll take care of the problem.
243
00:33:19,874 --> 00:33:21,689
Good. Thank you.
Thank you very much.
244
00:33:43,215 --> 00:33:45,445
It's time for that little thing again.
245
00:34:14,713 --> 00:34:18,262
A doll like this handlin' me
without warmth or emotion...
246
00:34:18,362 --> 00:34:20,330
Twenty years ago.
Just twenty, man.
247
00:34:20,430 --> 00:34:24,082
I could've made with the curly-lip smile
and had her eatin' out of my asshole.
248
00:34:24,690 --> 00:34:29,408
Doctor says this cream
ought to do the trick.
249
00:34:29,508 --> 00:34:31,642
Corticosteroids.
250
00:34:31,742 --> 00:34:35,461
Should heal the inflammation,
stop the pus.
251
00:34:37,002 --> 00:34:38,560
Where'd my youth go?
252
00:34:39,905 --> 00:34:42,824
Why didn't fame
hold off old age and death?
253
00:34:42,924 --> 00:34:45,557
Why the hell did I leave
the fame in the first place?
254
00:34:45,657 --> 00:34:47,292
Do I want it back?
Could I have it back?
255
00:34:47,392 --> 00:34:50,871
And if I could...
would it make any damn difference?
256
00:35:12,537 --> 00:35:14,337
Mr. Haff!
257
00:35:21,747 --> 00:35:23,612
Lord almighty.
258
00:35:24,850 --> 00:35:27,850
You old rascal.
259
00:35:30,222 --> 00:35:33,680
I think you better take
a cold shower, Mr. Haff.
260
00:35:34,459 --> 00:35:38,244
There'd been two presidential elections
since I had a boner like that one.
261
00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:39,809
What gave here?
262
00:35:39,909 --> 00:35:41,782
Then I realized what gave.
263
00:35:41,882 --> 00:35:44,049
I was thinkin' about something
that interested me.
264
00:35:44,149 --> 00:35:46,195
Not my next meal
or goin' to the crapper.
265
00:35:46,972 --> 00:35:49,304
I'd been given a dose of life again.
266
00:35:53,912 --> 00:35:56,263
You get in there with me,
I'll take that shower.
267
00:35:56,363 --> 00:35:58,828
You silly thing.
268
00:35:58,928 --> 00:36:01,477
Come on, now.
Why don't you pull on it a little?
269
00:36:03,255 --> 00:36:05,519
You ought to be ashamed.
270
00:36:39,524 --> 00:36:43,324
Where at? Where at?
271
00:36:43,795 --> 00:36:45,010
I haven't seen my kids.
272
00:36:45,110 --> 00:36:46,257
It's an ambush!
273
00:36:48,734 --> 00:36:51,862
Under the bridge.
I saw him under the bridge.
274
00:36:53,105 --> 00:36:55,956
It's an ambush!
Tonto, my boots, Tonto!
275
00:36:56,056 --> 00:36:59,758
That's my friend Kemosabe.
We used to play cards together.
276
00:36:59,858 --> 00:37:02,837
- My boots!
- Now he doesn't even know who I am.
277
00:38:01,206 --> 00:38:02,366
Daddy.
278
00:38:07,479 --> 00:38:08,479
Baby?
279
00:38:15,754 --> 00:38:19,573
Sebastian. Sebastian! It's loose!
280
00:38:19,673 --> 00:38:20,805
What's loose?
281
00:38:20,905 --> 00:38:22,484
It. Listen.
282
00:38:32,938 --> 00:38:35,519
Jesus Christ. What's that?
283
00:38:35,619 --> 00:38:38,559
I thought it was Lyndon Johnson,
but I was wrong.
284
00:38:38,659 --> 00:38:42,204
I've come across new evidence
to suggest another assassin.
285
00:38:43,849 --> 00:38:44,996
Assassin?
286
00:38:45,096 --> 00:38:47,664
He's after another target tonight.
287
00:38:47,764 --> 00:38:49,636
Come on, I wanna show you something.
288
00:38:49,736 --> 00:38:52,173
I don't think it's safe
if you go back to sleeping.
289
00:38:52,273 --> 00:38:54,885
For chrissake, man.
Just tell the administrators.
290
00:38:56,461 --> 00:38:59,543
Suits and white starches?
No, thank you!
291
00:38:59,643 --> 00:39:03,916
I trusted them when I was back in Dallas,
and look where they got my brain and me.
292
00:39:04,016 --> 00:39:06,983
I'm thinkin' with sand here.
293
00:39:07,083 --> 00:39:10,221
I mean, I pick up some waves,
maybe, from my brain,
294
00:39:10,321 --> 00:39:12,124
but someday, who knows.
295
00:39:12,224 --> 00:39:15,360
Somebody might just disconnect
the battery at the White House.
296
00:39:15,460 --> 00:39:18,610
Oh, yeah. That's something
to worry about, all right.
297
00:39:21,319 --> 00:39:23,535
Listen here. Listen.
298
00:39:23,635 --> 00:39:25,453
I know you're Elvis.
299
00:39:32,998 --> 00:39:37,649
There was a rumor, you know,
that you hated me.
300
00:39:37,749 --> 00:39:39,135
But I thought about that.
301
00:39:41,673 --> 00:39:44,665
If you hated me, you could've
finished me off the other night.
302
00:39:46,511 --> 00:39:50,330
What I want from you is
that you look me straight in the eye
303
00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:55,567
and assure me you had nothing
at all to do with that day in Dallas,
304
00:39:55,667 --> 00:39:59,715
and that you did not know
Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby.
305
00:40:07,532 --> 00:40:09,180
Look, man...
306
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,415
I had nothing to do with Dallas.
307
00:40:11,515 --> 00:40:15,064
And I knew neither
Lee Harvey Oswald nor Jack Ruby.
308
00:40:15,907 --> 00:40:20,640
Good. May I call you Elvis
instead of Sebastian?
309
00:40:21,313 --> 00:40:22,494
You may.
310
00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:24,060
Excellent.
311
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,797
You wear glasses to read?
312
00:40:25,897 --> 00:40:28,364
Well, I wear glasses
when I really want to see.
313
00:40:28,464 --> 00:40:30,444
Get them. Come on.
314
00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,051
Come on.
Right down the hall.
315
00:40:40,632 --> 00:40:43,084
The walker was
swingin' along easier now.
316
00:40:43,184 --> 00:40:44,499
Not even like I needed it.
317
00:40:45,303 --> 00:40:47,464
Damn, this here Jack was a nut.
318
00:40:48,206 --> 00:40:50,186
Maybe I was nuts, too...
319
00:40:50,286 --> 00:40:52,491
but there was
an adventure goin' on.
320
00:40:52,591 --> 00:40:53,669
It's in here.
321
00:41:00,352 --> 00:41:01,410
In here.
322
00:41:13,131 --> 00:41:14,447
That's it?
323
00:41:14,547 --> 00:41:18,081
We're investigating a scuttling in the hall,
trying to figure out who attacked you,
324
00:41:18,181 --> 00:41:20,990
and you bring me here to look
at stick pictures on the shit house wall?
325
00:41:21,090 --> 00:41:22,596
Look close.
326
00:41:42,093 --> 00:41:43,240
It's Egyptian.
327
00:41:43,340 --> 00:41:44,711
Right-a-reen-o.
328
00:41:44,811 --> 00:41:48,716
Hey, you're not as stupid
as some folks made you out.
329
00:41:48,816 --> 00:41:53,749
- Thank you.
- Now, I copied this down yesterday.
330
00:41:53,849 --> 00:41:58,354
I came in here to take a shit because
they hadn't cleaned up my bathroom.
331
00:41:58,454 --> 00:42:01,761
Saw that on the wall,
took it back to my room,
332
00:42:01,861 --> 00:42:04,529
looked it up in my books,
and I wrote it all down.
333
00:42:04,629 --> 00:42:10,600
Now, this top line
translates roughly into,
334
00:42:10,700 --> 00:42:14,507
"Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers."
335
00:42:14,607 --> 00:42:19,075
And the bottom line,
"Cleopatra does the nasty."
336
00:42:19,175 --> 00:42:20,210
Say what?
337
00:42:20,310 --> 00:42:23,028
Well, pretty much.
That's the best I can translate it.
338
00:42:24,135 --> 00:42:27,616
All right, so, one of the nuts in here...
present company excluded...
339
00:42:27,716 --> 00:42:30,523
thinks he's Tutankhamen,
comes in here, writes hieroglyphics.
340
00:42:30,623 --> 00:42:33,690
Big deal! What's the connection?
Why are we standin' here in the toilet?
341
00:42:33,790 --> 00:42:37,163
Well, I don't know what
the connection is, exactly... not yet.
342
00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,831
But that thing
caught me asleep last night.
343
00:42:40,931 --> 00:42:43,399
And I came awake just in time.
344
00:42:43,499 --> 00:42:45,203
He had me on the floor.
345
00:42:45,303 --> 00:42:48,973
I had his mouth over my asshole.
346
00:42:49,073 --> 00:42:50,207
A shit-eater?
347
00:42:50,307 --> 00:42:51,774
I don't think so.
348
00:42:51,874 --> 00:42:54,579
He was after my soul.
349
00:42:54,679 --> 00:42:58,518
Now, you can get that out of any
major orifice of a person's body.
350
00:42:58,618 --> 00:42:59,649
I read about it.
351
00:42:59,749 --> 00:43:01,785
Yeah? Where, man? Hustler?
352
00:43:01,885 --> 00:43:05,793
The Everyday Man Or Woman's
Book of the Soul by David Webb.
353
00:43:05,893 --> 00:43:08,093
And they got pretty good
movie reviews in there
354
00:43:08,193 --> 00:43:11,098
about stolen soul movies
in the back.
355
00:43:11,198 --> 00:43:13,207
Come on. I'll show you.
356
00:44:12,510 --> 00:44:17,060
I think that there might be some sort
of electrical problem in the gardener's shed.
357
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,067
That light...
looks like it's shortin' out.
358
00:44:20,167 --> 00:44:22,733
This whole damn place is fallin' apart.
359
00:44:22,833 --> 00:44:24,969
But you don't have to think about that.
360
00:44:25,069 --> 00:44:28,048
Mrs. Biddlestein is waitin'
on her enema.
361
00:44:29,093 --> 00:44:31,994
All right. All right. I'm comin'.
362
00:44:34,032 --> 00:44:37,092
Just let me finish my cigarette, first.
363
00:44:37,930 --> 00:44:39,036
God.
364
00:45:31,122 --> 00:45:32,817
Here's an ugly son of a bitch.
365
00:45:42,567 --> 00:45:45,148
Damn! Hey, Jack.
366
00:45:45,248 --> 00:45:48,386
What it says here
is that you can bury some dude,
367
00:45:48,486 --> 00:45:53,455
and if he gets the right tanna leaves
and spells said over him and such bullshit,
368
00:45:53,555 --> 00:45:56,877
that he can come back to life
thousands of years later, man.
369
00:45:57,615 --> 00:45:58,661
But hold on, now.
370
00:45:58,761 --> 00:46:02,501
To stay alive, he has to suck
on the souls of the livin',
371
00:46:02,601 --> 00:46:06,250
and that if the souls are small,
his life force doesn't last long.
372
00:46:07,025 --> 00:46:09,173
Small.
What's that mean?
373
00:46:09,273 --> 00:46:11,740
Read on.
No, never mind.
374
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,490
I'll tell you myself.
375
00:46:14,232 --> 00:46:17,030
But first,
would you like a Ding Dong?
376
00:46:18,436 --> 00:46:19,926
I don't mean mine.
377
00:46:20,805 --> 00:46:22,466
I mean a chocolate Ding Dong.
378
00:46:23,341 --> 00:46:26,788
Of course, mine would be chocolate
now that I have been dyed.
379
00:46:26,888 --> 00:46:28,402
You got Ding Dongs, man?
380
00:46:29,547 --> 00:46:32,528
I got Paydays
and I got a box of Baby Ruths.
381
00:46:32,628 --> 00:46:33,948
Oh, mama!
382
00:46:35,787 --> 00:46:39,382
Which will it be?
Let's get decadent.
383
00:46:40,391 --> 00:46:41,653
I'll take a Baby Ruth.
384
00:46:44,395 --> 00:46:45,862
All right.
385
00:46:47,699 --> 00:46:51,066
Now... small souls...
386
00:46:52,103 --> 00:46:55,753
are those that don't have
much fire for life.
387
00:46:55,853 --> 00:46:57,291
You know a place like that?
388
00:46:57,391 --> 00:47:01,357
Man, if souls were fires,
they couldn't burn much lower than in here.
389
00:47:01,457 --> 00:47:03,195
Exactamundo.
390
00:47:03,295 --> 00:47:08,601
What we have here at Shady Rest
is an Egyptian soul sucker of some sort.
391
00:47:08,701 --> 00:47:11,166
You know, a mummy hiding out.
392
00:47:11,266 --> 00:47:14,736
Coming in here,
feeding on the sleeping.
393
00:47:14,836 --> 00:47:16,974
It's perfect, you see?
394
00:47:17,074 --> 00:47:20,724
We're small souls,
so we can't provide him much.
395
00:47:21,399 --> 00:47:25,786
But if that thing comes back
two or three times in a row
396
00:47:25,886 --> 00:47:30,555
and wraps his lips
around some elder's asshole,
397
00:47:30,655 --> 00:47:34,358
that elder is going to die pretty soon.
398
00:47:34,458 --> 00:47:36,811
And who would be the wiser?
399
00:47:56,801 --> 00:47:58,132
Asshole.
400
00:48:00,171 --> 00:48:03,523
A mummy can't be getting
too much energy from all this...
401
00:48:03,623 --> 00:48:07,738
not like with big souls...
but the prey is easy.
402
00:48:08,279 --> 00:48:12,761
With new people comin' all the time, he can
keep this up forever... this soul robbin'.
403
00:48:12,861 --> 00:48:14,565
That's what they
brought us here for...
404
00:48:14,665 --> 00:48:17,233
to get us out of the way
until we die.
405
00:48:17,333 --> 00:48:23,157
And those who don't die first from
disease or just plain being old, he gets.
406
00:48:23,728 --> 00:48:27,562
Look, that's all well and good, Jack,
but there's one thing that still throws me.
407
00:48:28,666 --> 00:48:32,749
How does an ancient Egyptian
wind up in an East Texas rest home,
408
00:48:32,849 --> 00:48:36,054
and why is he writin'
on the shit house walls, man?
409
00:48:36,154 --> 00:48:38,620
Well, he went in to take a crap,
410
00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:41,561
got bored,
started writing on the walls.
411
00:48:41,661 --> 00:48:45,031
He probably wrote
on pyramid walls centuries ago.
412
00:48:45,131 --> 00:48:48,068
Come on. What would he crap?
It's not like he'd eat.
413
00:48:48,168 --> 00:48:50,300
Well, he eats souls.
414
00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:54,139
So, I assume
that he would crap soul residue.
415
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:58,111
By that, I would mean
that if you die from his mouth,
416
00:48:58,211 --> 00:49:01,176
you don't go to the other side
where the souls go.
417
00:49:01,276 --> 00:49:06,349
He digests souls
until they don't exist anymore.
418
00:49:06,449 --> 00:49:10,256
And you're just so much
toilet water decoration.
419
00:49:10,356 --> 00:49:12,692
And speaking of toilets...
420
00:49:12,792 --> 00:49:16,235
This is how I figured
that whole thing out.
421
00:49:17,115 --> 00:49:20,332
He's just like anybody else
when it comes to taking a dump.
422
00:49:20,432 --> 00:49:22,898
He wants a nice,
clean place with a flush.
423
00:49:22,998 --> 00:49:24,818
They didn't have that in his time.
424
00:49:48,713 --> 00:49:50,760
No, no.
Don't go out in the hall.
425
00:49:50,860 --> 00:49:54,633
- That's all right. I'm not asleep.
- That don't mean he won't hurt you.
426
00:49:54,733 --> 00:49:58,280
"He" my ass. There isn't
any mummy from Egypt.
427
00:50:02,326 --> 00:50:04,385
Nice knowin' you, Elvis.
428
00:52:26,404 --> 00:52:27,564
Asshole.
429
00:53:34,972 --> 00:53:38,305
Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart
before he hit the floor.
430
00:53:41,112 --> 00:53:43,603
Gone down and out
with both guns blazing.
431
00:53:44,315 --> 00:53:46,715
Soul intact.
432
00:53:50,821 --> 00:53:53,085
Once again, we got scolded.
433
00:53:55,159 --> 00:53:58,078
This time, we got quizzed about
what had happened to Kemosabe,
434
00:53:58,178 --> 00:54:00,562
but neither of us told the truth.
435
00:54:02,166 --> 00:54:04,327
I mean, who was gonna believe
a couple of nuts?
436
00:54:05,603 --> 00:54:07,419
Elvis and Jack Kennedy explaining
437
00:54:07,519 --> 00:54:10,553
that Kemosabe was gunning
for a mummy in cowboy duds?
438
00:54:10,653 --> 00:54:13,303
Some kind of Bubba Ho-Tep?
439
00:54:14,578 --> 00:54:15,977
So, what we did was...
440
00:54:17,515 --> 00:54:18,675
we lied.
441
00:55:03,127 --> 00:55:04,943
Life sure is fleetin', you know?
442
00:55:05,043 --> 00:55:08,347
- What?
- Life. I'm saying it's fleetin'.
443
00:55:08,447 --> 00:55:11,094
One minute you're here,
and the next minute you're gone...
444
00:55:12,970 --> 00:55:15,131
Shit! Shit! Come on!
445
00:55:17,074 --> 00:55:19,406
Come on. Move it!
Come on. Get it!
446
00:55:23,614 --> 00:55:25,262
Nonchalant. Nonchalant.
447
00:55:25,362 --> 00:55:26,407
Nonchalant.
448
00:55:27,451 --> 00:55:28,611
Get it in there.
449
00:55:30,955 --> 00:55:32,786
You are one fuckin' idiot.
450
00:56:00,985 --> 00:56:02,145
Mr. Haff?
451
00:56:04,822 --> 00:56:06,551
Mr. Presley?
452
00:56:10,995 --> 00:56:14,313
Now, now, Mr. Presley.
453
00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:19,117
You are looking much stronger,
but you shouldn't be out here too long.
454
00:56:19,217 --> 00:56:20,952
It's time for your nap.
455
00:56:21,052 --> 00:56:25,554
And it's also time for us to do
that little... you know.
456
00:56:25,654 --> 00:56:27,770
You fuck off,
you patronizing bitch!
457
00:56:29,513 --> 00:56:33,506
I'm sick of your shit! I'll lube
my own crankshaft from now on.
458
00:56:35,886 --> 00:56:37,365
You treat me like a baby again,
459
00:56:37,465 --> 00:56:40,116
I'll wrap this goddamn walker
right around your head!
460
00:57:14,091 --> 00:57:16,025
How in the hell
did that mummy do that?
461
00:57:45,856 --> 00:57:49,189
Well... what the hell.
462
00:58:35,873 --> 00:58:37,807
Where did old Bubba Ho-Tep go?
463
00:58:39,443 --> 00:58:40,933
Where did he come from?
464
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:44,609
How the hell did he get here?
465
00:58:48,552 --> 00:58:49,883
Wait a minute.
466
00:59:10,340 --> 00:59:12,831
Under the bridge.
I saw him under the bridge.
467
00:59:46,877 --> 00:59:48,037
Come on, mama.
468
01:00:20,410 --> 01:00:21,570
It's a cancer.
469
01:00:22,446 --> 01:00:25,865
They're keepin' it from me 'cause I'm old,
and to them, it don't matter.
470
01:00:25,965 --> 01:00:28,598
They think age will kill me first,
and they're probably right.
471
01:00:28,698 --> 01:00:29,845
Well, suck them!
472
01:00:30,854 --> 01:00:32,901
I know what it is,
and if it isn't...
473
01:00:33,001 --> 01:00:34,321
it might as well be.
474
01:01:32,282 --> 01:01:38,278
Station KROP is proud to present
the Elvis Presley movie marathon.
475
01:01:42,192 --> 01:01:46,674
It's 24 hours of Elvis
in the roles he made famous.
476
01:01:46,774 --> 01:01:51,015
Watch that two-fisted Hound Dog
out-strum, outrace,
477
01:01:51,115 --> 01:01:54,434
out-fight, and outwit the bad guys.
478
01:01:55,672 --> 01:02:00,939
And at the same time,
watch the King slay the girls.
479
01:02:04,314 --> 01:02:05,713
Shitty pictures, man.
480
01:02:06,783 --> 01:02:08,114
Every single one.
481
01:02:11,154 --> 01:02:14,635
Here I was complainin' about
loss of pride and how life had treated me,
482
01:02:14,735 --> 01:02:18,144
and now I realized...
I never had any pride.
483
01:02:18,244 --> 01:02:20,545
And much of how life
had treated me had been good.
484
01:02:20,645 --> 01:02:22,963
The bulk of the bad
was my own damn fault.
485
01:02:24,368 --> 01:02:27,686
Should've fired Colonel Parker
by the time I got in the pictures.
486
01:02:27,786 --> 01:02:29,486
Old fart had been a shark and a fool,
487
01:02:29,586 --> 01:02:31,905
and I was an even bigger fool
for following him.
488
01:02:33,277 --> 01:02:35,268
If only I'd treated Priscilla right.
489
01:02:36,747 --> 01:02:38,874
If I could've told
my daughter I loved her.
490
01:02:40,350 --> 01:02:43,168
Always the questions.
Never the answers.
491
01:02:43,268 --> 01:02:46,745
Always the hopes...
never the fulfillments.
492
01:02:53,697 --> 01:02:57,414
I had the woman who calls herself
my niece come get me.
493
01:02:57,514 --> 01:03:00,650
She took me downtown this morning
to the newspaper morgue.
494
01:03:00,750 --> 01:03:03,205
She's been helping me
to do some research.
495
01:03:04,141 --> 01:03:06,959
- Research on what, man?
- On our mummy.
496
01:03:07,059 --> 01:03:08,692
You know somethin' about him?
497
01:03:08,792 --> 01:03:10,838
I know plenty.
498
01:03:13,250 --> 01:03:16,635
Now, one of the lesser mummies,
499
01:03:16,735 --> 01:03:19,301
on loan from the Egyptian government,
500
01:03:19,401 --> 01:03:22,437
was being circulated
all over the United States.
501
01:03:22,537 --> 01:03:24,072
You know, museums,
stuff like that.
502
01:03:24,172 --> 01:03:26,174
What do you mean?
Like King Tut or whatever?
503
01:03:26,274 --> 01:03:28,045
No, more like King Tut's brother.
504
01:03:28,145 --> 01:03:32,484
His mummy was flown or carried
by the train from state to state.
505
01:03:32,584 --> 01:03:35,150
When it got to Texas,
it was stolen.
506
01:03:35,250 --> 01:03:36,243
Stolen?
507
01:03:36,343 --> 01:03:41,058
Evidence points to it being stolen at night
by a couple of guys in a silver bus.
508
01:03:41,158 --> 01:03:43,860
Bus? Hey, I've seen that!
509
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,163
Anyway, the thieves
broke into the museum,
510
01:03:46,263 --> 01:03:49,168
stole it in hopes of a ransom,
511
01:03:49,268 --> 01:03:54,121
when in comes the worst storm
in East Texas history.
512
01:03:55,092 --> 01:03:56,184
Let me guess.
513
01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:59,140
The bus was washed away, see?
514
01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:02,379
'Cause I think I saw it today.
It was way back in the creek.
515
01:04:02,479 --> 01:04:05,299
The mummy was imprisoned
by the debris.
516
01:04:06,203 --> 01:04:08,250
Look here...
how'd it come back to life?
517
01:04:08,350 --> 01:04:10,722
And how did I end up
inside its memories?
518
01:04:10,822 --> 01:04:13,625
Speculation broadens here,
but from what I've read,
519
01:04:13,725 --> 01:04:16,528
some mummies get buried
without their names...
520
01:04:16,628 --> 01:04:18,911
a curse put on their sarcophagus.
521
01:04:20,217 --> 01:04:23,265
Hey, now, maybe our boy's
one of them.
522
01:04:23,365 --> 01:04:27,504
I mean, when he's in the coffin,
he's just a dried-up old corpse,
523
01:04:27,604 --> 01:04:30,808
but when the bus got washed away,
maybe it overturned or broke open,
524
01:04:30,908 --> 01:04:32,874
and now he's free of coffin and curse.
525
01:04:32,974 --> 01:04:37,332
He's free from imprisonment,
but he still needs souls.
526
01:04:37,968 --> 01:04:39,284
Now he's free to have them.
527
01:04:39,384 --> 01:04:43,567
He can just keep on feedin'
unless he's finally destroyed.
528
01:04:46,410 --> 01:04:47,900
So, what do we do, Jack?
529
01:04:49,246 --> 01:04:52,029
Changing rest homes
might be a good idea.
530
01:04:52,129 --> 01:04:53,729
I can't think of much else.
531
01:04:53,829 --> 01:04:55,797
But I will say this...
532
01:04:55,897 --> 01:04:59,536
Our mummy is
a nighttime kind of guy.
533
01:04:59,636 --> 01:05:02,806
So, I'm gonna go and sleep now.
534
01:05:02,906 --> 01:05:05,243
I'll set my alarm
for just before dark,
535
01:05:05,343 --> 01:05:07,956
then I can get myself
a couple of cups of coffee.
536
01:05:08,632 --> 01:05:09,880
Damn straight.
537
01:05:09,980 --> 01:05:13,683
If he comes in here tonight, I don't
want him slappin' his lips on my asshole.
538
01:05:13,783 --> 01:05:16,136
Yes. Consider it.
539
01:05:17,140 --> 01:05:21,873
He's got the proverbial
bird's nest on the ground here.
540
01:05:40,597 --> 01:05:43,532
What do I really have
left in life but this place?
541
01:05:48,105 --> 01:05:49,834
It ain't much of a home...
542
01:05:51,007 --> 01:05:52,565
but it's all I got.
543
01:05:57,914 --> 01:05:59,313
Well, goddamnit.
544
01:06:00,650 --> 01:06:05,701
I'll be damned if I let some foreign,
graffiti-writin', soul-suckin',
545
01:06:05,801 --> 01:06:09,107
son of a bitch in an oversized
cowboy hat and boots
546
01:06:09,207 --> 01:06:13,026
take my friends' souls and shit 'em
down the visitors toilet!
547
01:06:19,136 --> 01:06:21,953
In the movies,
I always played heroic types.
548
01:06:22,053 --> 01:06:23,455
But when the stage lights went out,
549
01:06:23,555 --> 01:06:27,203
it was time for drugs and stupidity
and the coveting of women.
550
01:06:27,978 --> 01:06:29,727
Now it's time.
551
01:06:29,827 --> 01:06:33,530
Time to be a little of what I
had always fantasized bein'...
552
01:06:33,630 --> 01:06:34,948
a hero.
553
01:06:47,364 --> 01:06:48,422
Hello?
554
01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:51,117
Mr. Kennedy?
555
01:06:51,217 --> 01:06:53,465
Ask not what your rest home
can do for you.
556
01:06:54,504 --> 01:06:56,855
Ask what you can do
for your rest home.
557
01:06:56,955 --> 01:07:00,590
Hey, you're copying my best lines.
558
01:07:00,690 --> 01:07:02,941
Then let me paraphrase
one of my own.
559
01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:05,871
Let's take care of business.
560
01:07:06,416 --> 01:07:09,267
Just what are you
getting at, Elvis?
561
01:07:09,367 --> 01:07:11,547
I think you know
what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President.
562
01:07:13,089 --> 01:07:14,579
We're gonna kill us a mummy.
563
01:07:27,504 --> 01:07:29,904
Two bottles of rubbing alcohol.
564
01:07:31,041 --> 01:07:33,656
Check.
Don't even have to toss 'em.
565
01:07:33,756 --> 01:07:35,222
Look here.
566
01:07:35,322 --> 01:07:37,746
Found this in the storage room.
567
01:07:38,515 --> 01:07:39,831
I thought they kept it locked.
568
01:07:39,931 --> 01:07:42,700
They do. I stole a hairpin
and picked the lock, baby.
569
01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:43,986
Great.
570
01:07:44,154 --> 01:07:45,246
Matches.
571
01:07:46,022 --> 01:07:48,684
Check. Even scrounged up
a cigarette lighter.
572
01:07:49,793 --> 01:07:52,261
Good. Uniform.
573
01:07:57,033 --> 01:07:58,864
Big check on that, baby.
574
01:08:00,303 --> 01:08:05,455
Well, I got a nice pair of shoes
to go with this.
575
01:08:05,555 --> 01:08:06,600
Check.
576
01:08:08,645 --> 01:08:09,792
Scissors.
577
01:08:09,892 --> 01:08:11,079
Check.
578
01:08:12,315 --> 01:08:13,361
All right.
579
01:08:13,461 --> 01:08:16,817
Now, I got my chair
oiled and ready to roll.
580
01:08:17,420 --> 01:08:19,433
That's good, man.
We could use some wheels.
581
01:08:19,533 --> 01:08:23,341
And I picked some words of power
from my book of magic.
582
01:08:23,441 --> 01:08:25,141
I don't know
if they'll stop a mummy,
583
01:08:25,241 --> 01:08:27,560
but they're supposed
to ward off evil.
584
01:08:28,231 --> 01:08:31,116
I wrote them down.
One for each of us.
585
01:08:31,216 --> 01:08:33,192
Well, we'll use what we got, baby.
586
01:08:34,070 --> 01:08:36,522
All right, 2:45 a.m.,
we hook up right back here.
587
01:08:36,622 --> 01:08:40,872
No, at the rate we travel,
maybe we ought to start at 2:30.
588
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:44,738
Say, Jack?
589
01:08:46,850 --> 01:08:48,626
Do we know
what the hell we're doin', man?
590
01:08:49,686 --> 01:08:54,539
No. But they say
that fire cleanses evil.
591
01:08:54,639 --> 01:08:58,207
Let's just hope that they...
whoever they are... is right.
592
01:08:58,307 --> 01:08:59,841
Check on that, too.
593
01:08:59,941 --> 01:09:01,475
All right, synchronize watches.
594
01:09:01,575 --> 01:09:03,964
And... mark.
595
01:09:05,769 --> 01:09:10,589
Now, the two key words for tonight
are "caution" and "flammable."
596
01:09:10,689 --> 01:09:14,166
And also...
"watch your ass."
597
01:10:23,079 --> 01:10:24,979
What's that you got
hanging around your neck?
598
01:10:26,249 --> 01:10:27,998
That's my medicine bag.
599
01:10:28,098 --> 01:10:30,018
Indians used to wear 'em into battle.
600
01:10:31,154 --> 01:10:33,122
Full of all kinds of lucky stuff.
601
01:10:34,257 --> 01:10:37,317
See here?
Mucho mojo.
602
01:10:45,268 --> 01:10:46,428
That's my daughter.
603
01:10:49,706 --> 01:10:51,105
I know.
604
01:10:53,777 --> 01:10:57,338
We weren't there for our kids
when they needed us, were we?
605
01:11:00,583 --> 01:11:02,574
Man, if I could just talk to her again...
606
01:11:03,853 --> 01:11:05,013
tell her I love her...
607
01:11:06,456 --> 01:11:08,515
try and make things right somehow.
608
01:11:09,759 --> 01:11:11,739
No time for regrets, Elvis.
609
01:11:11,839 --> 01:11:15,025
We were the best fathers we could be
under the circumstances.
610
01:11:17,267 --> 01:11:19,428
Yeah, I guess,
no time for regrets.
611
01:11:20,770 --> 01:11:22,418
We got business to take care of.
612
01:11:22,518 --> 01:11:25,188
Look here.
Top it off with this.
613
01:11:25,288 --> 01:11:27,607
I stole it from the gardener
when he wasn't lookin'.
614
01:11:32,549 --> 01:11:35,313
It's gonna be
one hell of a barbeque.
615
01:11:45,195 --> 01:11:46,594
Let's do it, amigo.
616
01:11:51,367 --> 01:11:52,425
Hey, Jack?
617
01:11:56,473 --> 01:11:58,031
I just got one last question.
618
01:12:00,310 --> 01:12:01,368
Marilyn.
619
01:12:04,547 --> 01:12:06,879
Come on, man.
Marilyn Monroe?
620
01:12:07,784 --> 01:12:09,775
What was she like in the sack?
621
01:12:10,753 --> 01:12:13,916
That is classified information.
Top secret!
622
01:12:15,492 --> 01:12:17,153
But between you and me...
623
01:12:18,228 --> 01:12:19,404
Wow!
624
01:12:23,666 --> 01:12:25,759
You old dog.
Watch your back, Jack.
625
01:12:31,474 --> 01:12:32,634
Gotta hump it.
626
01:13:23,927 --> 01:13:27,779
Shit... when Bubba Ho-Tep
comes out of that creek bed,
627
01:13:27,879 --> 01:13:29,911
he's gonna come out
hungry and pissed.
628
01:13:30,011 --> 01:13:32,648
When I try and stop him, he's gonna
jam this paint can up my ass
629
01:13:32,748 --> 01:13:35,067
and jam me and that wheelchair
up Jack's ass.
630
01:14:19,182 --> 01:14:20,182
Shit.
631
01:14:28,625 --> 01:14:29,819
Hey, Jack.
632
01:15:44,567 --> 01:15:46,398
Don't make me use
my stuff on you, baby.
633
01:16:29,979 --> 01:16:32,539
Damn!
Where did he go to?
634
01:16:35,318 --> 01:16:37,115
Hey! You stay put!
635
01:16:37,820 --> 01:16:39,151
I'll flush him out!
636
01:16:41,891 --> 01:16:43,483
You be careful, man.
637
01:16:52,034 --> 01:16:53,034
No, Jack!
638
01:17:25,268 --> 01:17:26,326
Oh, man.
639
01:18:03,105 --> 01:18:06,768
Come and get it,
you undead sack of shit.
640
01:18:32,301 --> 01:18:33,461
Sorry, man.
641
01:19:02,398 --> 01:19:03,558
Mr. Kennedy?
642
01:19:10,072 --> 01:19:14,509
The President is soon dead.
643
01:19:19,048 --> 01:19:24,734
So, now...
it's up to you, Elvis.
644
01:19:24,834 --> 01:19:27,238
You got to get him.
645
01:19:27,338 --> 01:19:30,523
You... got to...
646
01:19:31,627 --> 01:19:33,458
take care of business.
647
01:19:50,379 --> 01:19:51,539
That's right, man.
648
01:19:53,349 --> 01:19:54,839
T.C. B...
649
01:19:57,119 --> 01:19:58,450
It's just you and me.
650
01:20:17,440 --> 01:20:18,600
Mr. President.
651
01:20:39,528 --> 01:20:42,929
"You nasty thing
from beyond the dead...
652
01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:49,265
"No matter what you think or do,
good things will never come to you.
653
01:20:52,575 --> 01:20:55,758
"And if evil
is your black design,
654
01:20:55,858 --> 01:21:00,496
"you can bet the goodness
of the Light Ones...
655
01:21:00,596 --> 01:21:03,711
will kick your bad behind"?
656
01:21:04,754 --> 01:21:06,402
For chrissake...
657
01:21:06,502 --> 01:21:07,649
That's it?
658
01:21:09,725 --> 01:21:12,610
That's the chant against evil
from the Book Of Souls?
659
01:21:12,710 --> 01:21:13,943
Yeah, right, boss.
660
01:21:14,043 --> 01:21:16,510
And what kind of decoder ring
comes with that, man?
661
01:21:16,610 --> 01:21:18,897
Shit, it doesn't even rhyme well!
662
01:21:46,662 --> 01:21:48,061
This is dog shit.
663
01:21:52,935 --> 01:21:55,665
It's time for A-C-T-l-O-N.
664
01:21:57,873 --> 01:22:00,034
Come on, baby.
Here we go.
665
01:23:18,387 --> 01:23:19,786
I was goin' out.
666
01:23:20,556 --> 01:23:23,475
And if I did, not only would I be
one dead son of a bitch,
667
01:23:23,575 --> 01:23:24,719
but so would my soul.
668
01:23:25,728 --> 01:23:27,559
I'd be just so much crap.
669
01:23:28,898 --> 01:23:32,163
No afterlife, no reincarnation,
no angels with harps.
670
01:23:32,902 --> 01:23:35,462
Whatever lay beyond
would not be known to me.
671
01:23:36,138 --> 01:23:38,868
It would all end right here
for Elvis Aaron Presley.
672
01:23:39,542 --> 01:23:41,601
Nothin' left but a quick flush.
673
01:23:45,814 --> 01:23:47,304
T.C.B., baby.
674
01:23:56,592 --> 01:23:59,720
Your soul-suckin' days
are over, amigo.
675
01:24:57,052 --> 01:25:00,453
I felt somethin' inside
gratin' against somethin' soft.
676
01:25:01,490 --> 01:25:04,425
I felt like a water balloon
with a hole poked in it.
677
01:25:07,229 --> 01:25:09,390
I was goin' down for the last count.
678
01:25:10,499 --> 01:25:11,659
And I knew it.
679
01:25:14,103 --> 01:25:15,934
But I still have my soul.
680
01:25:18,107 --> 01:25:19,506
It's still mine.
681
01:25:21,043 --> 01:25:22,442
All mine.
682
01:25:26,982 --> 01:25:30,247
And the folks up there
at Shady Rest...
683
01:25:32,288 --> 01:25:33,778
they have theirs, too.
684
01:25:35,424 --> 01:25:36,914
And they're gonna keep 'em.
685
01:25:38,794 --> 01:25:40,284
Every single one.
686
01:26:09,058 --> 01:26:10,218
Thank you.
687
01:26:12,995 --> 01:26:14,826
Thank you very much.
688
01:26:15,305 --> 01:26:21,637
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