All language subtitles for Bubba.Ho-Tep.2002.720p.BluRay.x264-[YTS.AM].eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic Download
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified) Download
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian Download
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English Download
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian Download
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese Download
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:02:36,284 --> 00:02:37,681 I was dreamin'. 3 00:02:39,019 --> 00:02:41,336 Dreamin' my dick was out and I was checking to see 4 00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:44,740 if that infected bump on the head of it had filled with pus again. 5 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,575 If it had, I was gonna name that bump after my ex-wife Priscilla 6 00:02:47,675 --> 00:02:49,742 and bust it by jackin' off. 7 00:02:49,842 --> 00:02:50,876 Oh, man. 8 00:02:50,976 --> 00:02:52,795 Or I'd like to think that's what I'd do. 9 00:02:53,701 --> 00:02:55,950 Dreams let you think like that. 10 00:02:56,050 --> 00:03:00,496 Truth was, I hadn't had a hard-on in years. 11 00:03:23,397 --> 00:03:24,887 Oh, man. 12 00:03:56,864 --> 00:04:00,345 My God, man. How long have I been here? 13 00:04:00,445 --> 00:04:03,915 Am I really awake now, or am I just dreamin' I'm awake? 14 00:04:04,015 --> 00:04:07,154 How could my plans have gone so wrong? 15 00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,389 When the hell are they gonna serve lunch? 16 00:04:09,489 --> 00:04:12,206 Considerin' what they serve, why the hell do I care? 17 00:04:13,847 --> 00:04:17,666 If Priscilla discovered I was alive, would she come and see me? 18 00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:22,003 Would we still wanna fuck? Or would we merely have to talk about it? 19 00:04:22,103 --> 00:04:23,804 Is there, finally and really, 20 00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:27,224 anything to life other than food, shit, and sex? 21 00:04:34,968 --> 00:04:36,629 Well, goddamnit. 22 00:04:39,473 --> 00:04:42,636 How could I have gone from the "King of rock and roll"to this? 23 00:04:43,343 --> 00:04:47,006 Old guy in a rest home in East Texas with a growth on his pecker. 24 00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:07,212 And what is that growth, man? 25 00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:10,031 Cancer? Nobody's talkin'. 26 00:05:10,637 --> 00:05:13,629 No one seems to know... or wants to. 27 00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:19,532 Makes you wonder, doesn't it, what kind of life this old guy had? 28 00:06:20,674 --> 00:06:24,493 What kind of life he had, you know. His kids, his grandkids, his legacy. 29 00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:25,725 Look at him now. 30 00:06:25,825 --> 00:06:27,473 Oh, who gives a shit? 31 00:07:09,523 --> 00:07:10,854 Well... 32 00:07:21,735 --> 00:07:23,396 Make you comfortable. 33 00:07:29,171 --> 00:07:30,384 No. 34 00:09:12,179 --> 00:09:14,739 I'm gonna squish you, cockroach! 35 00:10:18,945 --> 00:10:20,435 Help me. 36 00:11:11,798 --> 00:11:13,614 You know, I was thinkin'... 37 00:11:13,714 --> 00:11:16,850 What? You gonna get all weepy on me again? 38 00:11:16,950 --> 00:11:20,918 No. I was merely gonna suggest that you use some of this here deodorizer 39 00:11:21,018 --> 00:11:24,499 and spray it on that corpse because she's smellin' pretty ripe. 40 00:11:28,215 --> 00:11:29,546 Good idea. 41 00:12:41,421 --> 00:12:42,718 Excuse me, miss? 42 00:12:44,224 --> 00:12:45,624 You gonna throw all that stuff out? 43 00:12:46,459 --> 00:12:47,459 Yeah. 44 00:12:47,594 --> 00:12:50,427 Could I have one of them pictures of Bull? 45 00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:53,263 Maybe his... his Purple Heart? 46 00:12:54,134 --> 00:12:56,783 I mean, he was pretty proud of that. 47 00:12:56,883 --> 00:13:00,567 And maybe that... that tin of chocolates there? 48 00:13:02,642 --> 00:13:03,973 I suppose. 49 00:13:09,115 --> 00:13:13,266 The revealin' of her panties wasn't intentional or unintentional. 50 00:13:13,366 --> 00:13:14,832 She just didn't give a damn. 51 00:13:14,932 --> 00:13:17,969 She saw me as so physically and sexually non-threatenin', 52 00:13:18,069 --> 00:13:21,308 she didn't mind if I got a bird's-eye view of her love nest. 53 00:13:21,408 --> 00:13:24,124 It was the same to her as a house cat sneakin' a peek. 54 00:13:25,198 --> 00:13:29,032 I felt my pecker flutter once like a pigeon havin' a heart attack... 55 00:13:29,769 --> 00:13:32,363 then it laid back down and remained limp and still. 56 00:13:33,039 --> 00:13:36,099 'Course, these days, even a flutter was kind of reassurin'. 57 00:13:38,878 --> 00:13:40,194 - Here. - Thank you. 58 00:13:40,294 --> 00:13:41,480 Say... 59 00:13:42,749 --> 00:13:43,997 Bull your kin? 60 00:13:44,097 --> 00:13:45,244 My daddy. 61 00:13:47,654 --> 00:13:49,451 Never seen you here before. 62 00:13:50,256 --> 00:13:53,851 I've only been here once before. When I checked him in. 63 00:13:54,894 --> 00:13:56,725 That's three years ago, wasn't it? 64 00:13:58,198 --> 00:13:59,514 You and him friends? 65 00:13:59,614 --> 00:14:02,796 No, we just roommates. I mean, he never felt good enough to say much. 66 00:14:03,436 --> 00:14:06,599 I just hated to see what was left of him go away so easy. 67 00:14:09,009 --> 00:14:11,326 Seemed like an all right guy. 68 00:14:11,426 --> 00:14:15,331 Mentioned you a lot. You're... you're Callie, right? 69 00:14:15,431 --> 00:14:16,431 Yeah. 70 00:14:16,983 --> 00:14:19,315 Well... he was all right. 71 00:14:20,253 --> 00:14:22,448 But not enough so you'd come and see him, though. 72 00:14:23,289 --> 00:14:26,770 Don't lay some guilt trip on me, mister. I did what I could. 73 00:14:26,870 --> 00:14:30,510 I mean, if it hadn't been for Medicaid or Medicare... whatever that stuff was... 74 00:14:30,610 --> 00:14:32,497 he'd have been in some ditch somewhere. 75 00:14:35,001 --> 00:14:37,492 And I sure didn't have the money to take care of him. 76 00:14:41,307 --> 00:14:42,638 My own daughter... 77 00:14:43,309 --> 00:14:45,727 Lost long ago to me... 78 00:14:45,827 --> 00:14:48,731 if she knew I lived, would she come and see me? 79 00:14:48,831 --> 00:14:50,214 Would she even care? 80 00:14:51,184 --> 00:14:54,676 You could've come and seen him. They don't charge you for that. 81 00:14:55,388 --> 00:14:56,787 Mind your own business. 82 00:14:58,224 --> 00:14:59,714 I was busy. 83 00:15:14,741 --> 00:15:18,424 Well, well, well. If it isn't my favorite patient. 84 00:15:18,524 --> 00:15:20,491 How are you this morning, Mr. Haff? 85 00:15:20,591 --> 00:15:22,228 I'm all right. 86 00:15:22,328 --> 00:15:25,700 But I prefer Mr. Presley or Elvis. I keep tellin' you that. 87 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,276 I don't go by Sebastian Haff anymore, okay? 88 00:15:28,888 --> 00:15:30,603 I'm not tryin' to hide anymore. 89 00:15:30,703 --> 00:15:33,609 Well, of course I knew that. I forgot. 90 00:15:33,709 --> 00:15:36,025 Good morning, Elvis. 91 00:15:37,931 --> 00:15:41,648 Did you know we have a celebrity here, Miss Thomas? 92 00:15:41,748 --> 00:15:44,862 Elvis Presley. You know, the rock and roll singer. 93 00:15:46,372 --> 00:15:48,033 I thought he was dead. 94 00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:53,025 Well, actually, Elvis is dead. Mr. Haff knows that. Don't you, Mr. Haff? 95 00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:56,363 Hell, no. I'm right here. I ain't dead. 96 00:15:56,892 --> 00:15:57,965 Yet. 97 00:15:58,318 --> 00:16:01,118 Now, Mr. Haff! 98 00:16:01,221 --> 00:16:03,870 I don't mind calling you "Elvis." 99 00:16:03,970 --> 00:16:06,775 But you're a little confused and you like to play sometimes. 100 00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:11,729 You were an Elvis impersonator, remember? 101 00:16:13,766 --> 00:16:16,719 You fell off the stage and broke your hip... when was it? 102 00:16:16,819 --> 00:16:18,282 Twenty years ago. 103 00:16:18,382 --> 00:16:22,190 It got infected and you were in a coma for quite a while. 104 00:16:22,290 --> 00:16:26,609 You came out with a few... problems. 105 00:16:28,915 --> 00:16:32,632 Look, I was just impersonatin' myself. I couldn't do nothin' else. 106 00:16:32,732 --> 00:16:34,035 I don't have any problems. 107 00:16:34,135 --> 00:16:36,234 You're tryin' to say my brain's messed up, aren't you? 108 00:16:36,334 --> 00:16:38,780 Why would you wanna be somebody else? 109 00:16:39,792 --> 00:16:40,952 I got tired of it. 110 00:16:41,861 --> 00:16:43,841 I was hooked on pills, you know. 111 00:16:43,941 --> 00:16:45,510 I wanted out. 112 00:16:45,610 --> 00:16:48,314 And this boy Sebastian Haff... he was an Elvis imitator. 113 00:16:48,414 --> 00:16:51,234 He was the best of 'em. He took my place. 114 00:16:51,971 --> 00:16:53,700 Problem is, he had a bad heart. 115 00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,858 He liked drugs, too. Liked them more than I did. 116 00:16:56,958 --> 00:17:00,970 So it was him that died, not me. I just took his place. 117 00:17:01,514 --> 00:17:04,915 But why would you want to leave all that fame, Mr. Presley? 118 00:17:05,585 --> 00:17:07,565 All that money? 119 00:17:07,665 --> 00:17:09,986 I don't know. 'Cause they got old. 120 00:17:13,593 --> 00:17:18,075 The woman I loved... Priscilla... she was gone. 121 00:17:18,175 --> 00:17:20,826 The rest of the women... were just women. 122 00:17:22,435 --> 00:17:24,983 I mean, the music wasn't mine anymore. 123 00:17:25,083 --> 00:17:28,063 I wasn't even me anymore. Just this thing they made up. 124 00:17:30,743 --> 00:17:32,074 And my friends... 125 00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:36,512 Well, they were suckin' me dry. 126 00:17:41,221 --> 00:17:43,883 So I took a little road trip down to Nacogdoches... 127 00:17:44,891 --> 00:17:48,884 to check out this Sebastian Haff. 128 00:18:35,942 --> 00:18:37,603 It's all right, boys. Just wait here. 129 00:19:01,601 --> 00:19:02,761 Oh, my God. 130 00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,238 I didn't think you'd really... 131 00:19:31,331 --> 00:19:34,664 It's all right, boys. Just another freak. 132 00:19:36,169 --> 00:19:37,329 Let's split. 133 00:19:50,216 --> 00:19:52,600 - Sorry, man. - King, I got it. I got it. 134 00:19:52,700 --> 00:19:54,016 It's all yours, baby. 135 00:20:02,929 --> 00:20:05,780 So I signed everything over to Sebastian. 136 00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,346 Except for enough money to sustain me if things got bad. 137 00:20:09,446 --> 00:20:12,449 I was determined to make myself a new life. 138 00:20:12,549 --> 00:20:13,869 A better one. 139 00:20:16,209 --> 00:20:18,871 But me and Sebastian, we had us a deal. 140 00:20:20,947 --> 00:20:22,938 If I wanted to trade back, he'd let me. 141 00:20:24,183 --> 00:20:26,174 It was all written up in the contract. 142 00:20:27,253 --> 00:20:28,833 The thing was... 143 00:20:28,933 --> 00:20:31,412 I lost my copy in a barbeque accident. 144 00:20:32,725 --> 00:20:34,305 But that wasn't so bad, either. 145 00:20:34,405 --> 00:20:37,557 I was makin' new friends and enjoyin' myself. 146 00:20:40,133 --> 00:20:41,293 Cheers! 147 00:20:51,878 --> 00:20:54,938 Oh, my God. Did you see that thing? 148 00:20:58,384 --> 00:20:59,874 It just went up like that. 149 00:21:00,820 --> 00:21:04,017 - Now, Elvis. - Yes? 150 00:21:06,225 --> 00:21:08,272 Don't carry it too far. 151 00:21:08,372 --> 00:21:12,354 You may just get way out there and not come back. 152 00:21:13,499 --> 00:21:14,989 Oh, fuck you. 153 00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:18,003 Shit. 154 00:21:18,571 --> 00:21:22,052 Get old, you can't even cuss someone and have it bother 'em. 155 00:21:22,152 --> 00:21:26,134 Everything you do is either worthless or sadly amusing. 156 00:21:26,879 --> 00:21:28,279 Well... 157 00:21:28,414 --> 00:21:30,245 I've got what I want. 158 00:21:31,117 --> 00:21:33,935 The clothes can go to Goodwill or Salvation Army. 159 00:21:34,035 --> 00:21:38,637 Very well. And I'm sorry about your father. He was a nice man. 160 00:21:38,737 --> 00:21:39,737 Yeah. 161 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:42,940 It was nice to meet you, Mr. Presley. 162 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:45,224 - Get the hell out. - Now, now. 163 00:21:46,566 --> 00:21:52,436 I'll be back later to do that little... thing that has to be done. You know. 164 00:21:57,076 --> 00:21:58,134 Elvis! 165 00:22:08,821 --> 00:22:09,981 Poor Bull. 166 00:22:11,991 --> 00:22:16,155 In the end... does anything really matter? 167 00:22:20,333 --> 00:22:22,324 No one here ever listened to me. 168 00:22:23,002 --> 00:22:27,389 Except this one guy... only, he was certifiable. 169 00:22:27,489 --> 00:22:29,655 That's where they took a piece of my brain. 170 00:22:29,755 --> 00:22:33,200 They got it back in D.C. in that goddamn jar. 171 00:22:35,147 --> 00:22:38,207 I got a little bag of sand up there now. 172 00:22:39,285 --> 00:22:41,776 Jack... no offense, but... 173 00:22:42,855 --> 00:22:44,773 President Kennedy was a white man. 174 00:22:44,873 --> 00:22:46,837 That's how clever they are! 175 00:22:46,937 --> 00:22:49,907 They dyed me this color. All over! 176 00:22:50,007 --> 00:22:53,397 Can you think of a better way to hide the truth than that? 177 00:23:51,857 --> 00:23:53,518 I was livin' simple. 178 00:23:54,727 --> 00:23:56,408 The way Haff had been. 179 00:23:56,508 --> 00:23:59,487 Going from town to town doin' the Elvis act. 180 00:24:00,399 --> 00:24:02,783 Only, I felt like I was really me again. 181 00:24:02,883 --> 00:24:04,184 Can you dig that? 182 00:24:04,284 --> 00:24:07,535 We're diggin' it, Mr. Haff... Mr. Presley. 183 00:24:45,468 --> 00:24:47,023 Women were throwin' themselves at me 184 00:24:47,123 --> 00:24:49,031 'cause they could imagine I was Elvis. 185 00:24:49,131 --> 00:24:52,967 Only, I was Elvis playing Sebastian Haff playing Elvis. 186 00:24:53,067 --> 00:24:54,531 It was all pretty good. 187 00:24:54,631 --> 00:24:56,701 I didn't mind the contract being burned up. 188 00:24:56,801 --> 00:24:58,950 Didn't even try to go back and convince anybody. 189 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,774 Then I had the accident. 190 00:25:02,874 --> 00:25:06,093 I was gyratin', see, takin' care business, and then my hip went out. 191 00:25:07,733 --> 00:25:09,462 I'd been havin' trouble with it. 192 00:25:26,318 --> 00:25:28,115 Damn. It's cold in here tonight. 193 00:25:38,998 --> 00:25:42,161 No way. That's it. This time, I make it. 194 00:25:43,269 --> 00:25:45,669 No more piss or crap in the bed. 195 00:26:11,330 --> 00:26:12,661 Shake it out... 196 00:26:22,575 --> 00:26:23,906 There we go. 197 00:26:57,843 --> 00:27:02,041 Man... that is one big bitch cockroach. 198 00:27:34,747 --> 00:27:36,009 All right, man. Let's go. 199 00:27:45,024 --> 00:27:46,024 Damn. 200 00:27:50,563 --> 00:27:52,292 Hot damn! 201 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:23,692 Got you, you six-legged bastard. 202 00:29:04,670 --> 00:29:08,333 Even a big bitch cockroach like you should know... 203 00:29:09,708 --> 00:29:14,202 Never... but never fuck with the King. 204 00:29:32,431 --> 00:29:35,594 Hey! Is anybody out here? 205 00:29:40,372 --> 00:29:43,205 I think we got some major bug problems in this place, man! 206 00:30:50,509 --> 00:30:52,443 Oh, man... 207 00:30:54,013 --> 00:30:55,071 Hey, Jack? 208 00:31:06,892 --> 00:31:08,223 Hey, man, you okay? 209 00:31:15,234 --> 00:31:17,725 What the Sam Hill is that? 210 00:31:21,140 --> 00:31:22,300 Mr. Kennedy? 211 00:31:29,448 --> 00:31:32,611 Hey, man... you're on the floor. 212 00:31:34,019 --> 00:31:35,247 No shit. 213 00:31:36,588 --> 00:31:37,816 Who are you? 214 00:31:38,824 --> 00:31:39,984 Look, I'm... 215 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,420 Sebastian. Sebastian Haff. 216 00:31:45,230 --> 00:31:47,824 Did you see him go by in the hall? 217 00:31:49,134 --> 00:31:51,295 He scuttled like. 218 00:31:52,104 --> 00:31:54,766 - Who, man? - The one they sent. 219 00:31:55,707 --> 00:31:59,154 - Who's "they"? - Oh, you know who. 220 00:31:59,254 --> 00:32:00,973 No, Jack, I don't. Come on, man. 221 00:32:02,948 --> 00:32:04,764 Lyndon Johnson. 222 00:32:04,864 --> 00:32:06,329 Castro, maybe. 223 00:32:06,429 --> 00:32:09,399 They sent somebody to finish me off. 224 00:32:09,499 --> 00:32:12,637 I think maybe it was Johnson himself. 225 00:32:12,737 --> 00:32:16,740 Real ugly. Real goddamn ugly! 226 00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:19,078 Look, man, President Johnson's dead. 227 00:32:19,178 --> 00:32:22,656 Shit. That ain't gonna stop him. 228 00:32:27,873 --> 00:32:29,033 Get his feet. 229 00:32:35,047 --> 00:32:37,106 So, you say you heard a... a noise? 230 00:32:38,217 --> 00:32:41,035 Well, a sound's a sound, you know? I mean, I heard something. 231 00:32:41,135 --> 00:32:45,507 It was like a... I don't know. Like a... like a scuttling. 232 00:32:45,607 --> 00:32:48,116 - A scuttling sound? - Yes, sir. 233 00:32:49,027 --> 00:32:53,009 Were you awake or were you in bed when you heard this noise? 234 00:32:53,109 --> 00:32:56,917 I was in bed first, then I was awake 'cause the damn bugs woke me up. 235 00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:58,833 You got bugs all over this place. 236 00:33:00,005 --> 00:33:04,690 Bugs... well, Mr. Haff, what kind of bugs have you been seeing? 237 00:33:04,790 --> 00:33:07,161 Look, do I look like an ichthyologist to you? 238 00:33:07,261 --> 00:33:08,393 Big damn bugs, all right? 239 00:33:08,493 --> 00:33:11,630 The size of my fist. The size of a peanut butter and banana sandwich. 240 00:33:11,730 --> 00:33:14,034 What do I care? I got a growth on my pecker. 241 00:33:14,134 --> 00:33:16,267 Okay, Mr. Haff. Don't worry about a thing. 242 00:33:16,367 --> 00:33:19,774 We'll call the exterminator tomorrow and we'll take care of the problem. 243 00:33:19,874 --> 00:33:21,689 Good. Thank you. Thank you very much. 244 00:33:43,215 --> 00:33:45,445 It's time for that little thing again. 245 00:34:14,713 --> 00:34:18,262 A doll like this handlin' me without warmth or emotion... 246 00:34:18,362 --> 00:34:20,330 Twenty years ago. Just twenty, man. 247 00:34:20,430 --> 00:34:24,082 I could've made with the curly-lip smile and had her eatin' out of my asshole. 248 00:34:24,690 --> 00:34:29,408 Doctor says this cream ought to do the trick. 249 00:34:29,508 --> 00:34:31,642 Corticosteroids. 250 00:34:31,742 --> 00:34:35,461 Should heal the inflammation, stop the pus. 251 00:34:37,002 --> 00:34:38,560 Where'd my youth go? 252 00:34:39,905 --> 00:34:42,824 Why didn't fame hold off old age and death? 253 00:34:42,924 --> 00:34:45,557 Why the hell did I leave the fame in the first place? 254 00:34:45,657 --> 00:34:47,292 Do I want it back? Could I have it back? 255 00:34:47,392 --> 00:34:50,871 And if I could... would it make any damn difference? 256 00:35:12,537 --> 00:35:14,337 Mr. Haff! 257 00:35:21,747 --> 00:35:23,612 Lord almighty. 258 00:35:24,850 --> 00:35:27,850 You old rascal. 259 00:35:30,222 --> 00:35:33,680 I think you better take a cold shower, Mr. Haff. 260 00:35:34,459 --> 00:35:38,244 There'd been two presidential elections since I had a boner like that one. 261 00:35:38,344 --> 00:35:39,809 What gave here? 262 00:35:39,909 --> 00:35:41,782 Then I realized what gave. 263 00:35:41,882 --> 00:35:44,049 I was thinkin' about something that interested me. 264 00:35:44,149 --> 00:35:46,195 Not my next meal or goin' to the crapper. 265 00:35:46,972 --> 00:35:49,304 I'd been given a dose of life again. 266 00:35:53,912 --> 00:35:56,263 You get in there with me, I'll take that shower. 267 00:35:56,363 --> 00:35:58,828 You silly thing. 268 00:35:58,928 --> 00:36:01,477 Come on, now. Why don't you pull on it a little? 269 00:36:03,255 --> 00:36:05,519 You ought to be ashamed. 270 00:36:39,524 --> 00:36:43,324 Where at? Where at? 271 00:36:43,795 --> 00:36:45,010 I haven't seen my kids. 272 00:36:45,110 --> 00:36:46,257 It's an ambush! 273 00:36:48,734 --> 00:36:51,862 Under the bridge. I saw him under the bridge. 274 00:36:53,105 --> 00:36:55,956 It's an ambush! Tonto, my boots, Tonto! 275 00:36:56,056 --> 00:36:59,758 That's my friend Kemosabe. We used to play cards together. 276 00:36:59,858 --> 00:37:02,837 - My boots! - Now he doesn't even know who I am. 277 00:38:01,206 --> 00:38:02,366 Daddy. 278 00:38:07,479 --> 00:38:08,479 Baby? 279 00:38:15,754 --> 00:38:19,573 Sebastian. Sebastian! It's loose! 280 00:38:19,673 --> 00:38:20,805 What's loose? 281 00:38:20,905 --> 00:38:22,484 It. Listen. 282 00:38:32,938 --> 00:38:35,519 Jesus Christ. What's that? 283 00:38:35,619 --> 00:38:38,559 I thought it was Lyndon Johnson, but I was wrong. 284 00:38:38,659 --> 00:38:42,204 I've come across new evidence to suggest another assassin. 285 00:38:43,849 --> 00:38:44,996 Assassin? 286 00:38:45,096 --> 00:38:47,664 He's after another target tonight. 287 00:38:47,764 --> 00:38:49,636 Come on, I wanna show you something. 288 00:38:49,736 --> 00:38:52,173 I don't think it's safe if you go back to sleeping. 289 00:38:52,273 --> 00:38:54,885 For chrissake, man. Just tell the administrators. 290 00:38:56,461 --> 00:38:59,543 Suits and white starches? No, thank you! 291 00:38:59,643 --> 00:39:03,916 I trusted them when I was back in Dallas, and look where they got my brain and me. 292 00:39:04,016 --> 00:39:06,983 I'm thinkin' with sand here. 293 00:39:07,083 --> 00:39:10,221 I mean, I pick up some waves, maybe, from my brain, 294 00:39:10,321 --> 00:39:12,124 but someday, who knows. 295 00:39:12,224 --> 00:39:15,360 Somebody might just disconnect the battery at the White House. 296 00:39:15,460 --> 00:39:18,610 Oh, yeah. That's something to worry about, all right. 297 00:39:21,319 --> 00:39:23,535 Listen here. Listen. 298 00:39:23,635 --> 00:39:25,453 I know you're Elvis. 299 00:39:32,998 --> 00:39:37,649 There was a rumor, you know, that you hated me. 300 00:39:37,749 --> 00:39:39,135 But I thought about that. 301 00:39:41,673 --> 00:39:44,665 If you hated me, you could've finished me off the other night. 302 00:39:46,511 --> 00:39:50,330 What I want from you is that you look me straight in the eye 303 00:39:50,430 --> 00:39:55,567 and assure me you had nothing at all to do with that day in Dallas, 304 00:39:55,667 --> 00:39:59,715 and that you did not know Lee Harvey Oswald or Jack Ruby. 305 00:40:07,532 --> 00:40:09,180 Look, man... 306 00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:11,415 I had nothing to do with Dallas. 307 00:40:11,515 --> 00:40:15,064 And I knew neither Lee Harvey Oswald nor Jack Ruby. 308 00:40:15,907 --> 00:40:20,640 Good. May I call you Elvis instead of Sebastian? 309 00:40:21,313 --> 00:40:22,494 You may. 310 00:40:22,594 --> 00:40:24,060 Excellent. 311 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:25,797 You wear glasses to read? 312 00:40:25,897 --> 00:40:28,364 Well, I wear glasses when I really want to see. 313 00:40:28,464 --> 00:40:30,444 Get them. Come on. 314 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:38,051 Come on. Right down the hall. 315 00:40:40,632 --> 00:40:43,084 The walker was swingin' along easier now. 316 00:40:43,184 --> 00:40:44,499 Not even like I needed it. 317 00:40:45,303 --> 00:40:47,464 Damn, this here Jack was a nut. 318 00:40:48,206 --> 00:40:50,186 Maybe I was nuts, too... 319 00:40:50,286 --> 00:40:52,491 but there was an adventure goin' on. 320 00:40:52,591 --> 00:40:53,669 It's in here. 321 00:41:00,352 --> 00:41:01,410 In here. 322 00:41:13,131 --> 00:41:14,447 That's it? 323 00:41:14,547 --> 00:41:18,081 We're investigating a scuttling in the hall, trying to figure out who attacked you, 324 00:41:18,181 --> 00:41:20,990 and you bring me here to look at stick pictures on the shit house wall? 325 00:41:21,090 --> 00:41:22,596 Look close. 326 00:41:42,093 --> 00:41:43,240 It's Egyptian. 327 00:41:43,340 --> 00:41:44,711 Right-a-reen-o. 328 00:41:44,811 --> 00:41:48,716 Hey, you're not as stupid as some folks made you out. 329 00:41:48,816 --> 00:41:53,749 - Thank you. - Now, I copied this down yesterday. 330 00:41:53,849 --> 00:41:58,354 I came in here to take a shit because they hadn't cleaned up my bathroom. 331 00:41:58,454 --> 00:42:01,761 Saw that on the wall, took it back to my room, 332 00:42:01,861 --> 00:42:04,529 looked it up in my books, and I wrote it all down. 333 00:42:04,629 --> 00:42:10,600 Now, this top line translates roughly into, 334 00:42:10,700 --> 00:42:14,507 "Pharaoh gobbles donkey goobers." 335 00:42:14,607 --> 00:42:19,075 And the bottom line, "Cleopatra does the nasty." 336 00:42:19,175 --> 00:42:20,210 Say what? 337 00:42:20,310 --> 00:42:23,028 Well, pretty much. That's the best I can translate it. 338 00:42:24,135 --> 00:42:27,616 All right, so, one of the nuts in here... present company excluded... 339 00:42:27,716 --> 00:42:30,523 thinks he's Tutankhamen, comes in here, writes hieroglyphics. 340 00:42:30,623 --> 00:42:33,690 Big deal! What's the connection? Why are we standin' here in the toilet? 341 00:42:33,790 --> 00:42:37,163 Well, I don't know what the connection is, exactly... not yet. 342 00:42:37,263 --> 00:42:40,831 But that thing caught me asleep last night. 343 00:42:40,931 --> 00:42:43,399 And I came awake just in time. 344 00:42:43,499 --> 00:42:45,203 He had me on the floor. 345 00:42:45,303 --> 00:42:48,973 I had his mouth over my asshole. 346 00:42:49,073 --> 00:42:50,207 A shit-eater? 347 00:42:50,307 --> 00:42:51,774 I don't think so. 348 00:42:51,874 --> 00:42:54,579 He was after my soul. 349 00:42:54,679 --> 00:42:58,518 Now, you can get that out of any major orifice of a person's body. 350 00:42:58,618 --> 00:42:59,649 I read about it. 351 00:42:59,749 --> 00:43:01,785 Yeah? Where, man? Hustler? 352 00:43:01,885 --> 00:43:05,793 The Everyday Man Or Woman's Book of the Soul by David Webb. 353 00:43:05,893 --> 00:43:08,093 And they got pretty good movie reviews in there 354 00:43:08,193 --> 00:43:11,098 about stolen soul movies in the back. 355 00:43:11,198 --> 00:43:13,207 Come on. I'll show you. 356 00:44:12,510 --> 00:44:17,060 I think that there might be some sort of electrical problem in the gardener's shed. 357 00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:20,067 That light... looks like it's shortin' out. 358 00:44:20,167 --> 00:44:22,733 This whole damn place is fallin' apart. 359 00:44:22,833 --> 00:44:24,969 But you don't have to think about that. 360 00:44:25,069 --> 00:44:28,048 Mrs. Biddlestein is waitin' on her enema. 361 00:44:29,093 --> 00:44:31,994 All right. All right. I'm comin'. 362 00:44:34,032 --> 00:44:37,092 Just let me finish my cigarette, first. 363 00:44:37,930 --> 00:44:39,036 God. 364 00:45:31,122 --> 00:45:32,817 Here's an ugly son of a bitch. 365 00:45:42,567 --> 00:45:45,148 Damn! Hey, Jack. 366 00:45:45,248 --> 00:45:48,386 What it says here is that you can bury some dude, 367 00:45:48,486 --> 00:45:53,455 and if he gets the right tanna leaves and spells said over him and such bullshit, 368 00:45:53,555 --> 00:45:56,877 that he can come back to life thousands of years later, man. 369 00:45:57,615 --> 00:45:58,661 But hold on, now. 370 00:45:58,761 --> 00:46:02,501 To stay alive, he has to suck on the souls of the livin', 371 00:46:02,601 --> 00:46:06,250 and that if the souls are small, his life force doesn't last long. 372 00:46:07,025 --> 00:46:09,173 Small. What's that mean? 373 00:46:09,273 --> 00:46:11,740 Read on. No, never mind. 374 00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:13,490 I'll tell you myself. 375 00:46:14,232 --> 00:46:17,030 But first, would you like a Ding Dong? 376 00:46:18,436 --> 00:46:19,926 I don't mean mine. 377 00:46:20,805 --> 00:46:22,466 I mean a chocolate Ding Dong. 378 00:46:23,341 --> 00:46:26,788 Of course, mine would be chocolate now that I have been dyed. 379 00:46:26,888 --> 00:46:28,402 You got Ding Dongs, man? 380 00:46:29,547 --> 00:46:32,528 I got Paydays and I got a box of Baby Ruths. 381 00:46:32,628 --> 00:46:33,948 Oh, mama! 382 00:46:35,787 --> 00:46:39,382 Which will it be? Let's get decadent. 383 00:46:40,391 --> 00:46:41,653 I'll take a Baby Ruth. 384 00:46:44,395 --> 00:46:45,862 All right. 385 00:46:47,699 --> 00:46:51,066 Now... small souls... 386 00:46:52,103 --> 00:46:55,753 are those that don't have much fire for life. 387 00:46:55,853 --> 00:46:57,291 You know a place like that? 388 00:46:57,391 --> 00:47:01,357 Man, if souls were fires, they couldn't burn much lower than in here. 389 00:47:01,457 --> 00:47:03,195 Exactamundo. 390 00:47:03,295 --> 00:47:08,601 What we have here at Shady Rest is an Egyptian soul sucker of some sort. 391 00:47:08,701 --> 00:47:11,166 You know, a mummy hiding out. 392 00:47:11,266 --> 00:47:14,736 Coming in here, feeding on the sleeping. 393 00:47:14,836 --> 00:47:16,974 It's perfect, you see? 394 00:47:17,074 --> 00:47:20,724 We're small souls, so we can't provide him much. 395 00:47:21,399 --> 00:47:25,786 But if that thing comes back two or three times in a row 396 00:47:25,886 --> 00:47:30,555 and wraps his lips around some elder's asshole, 397 00:47:30,655 --> 00:47:34,358 that elder is going to die pretty soon. 398 00:47:34,458 --> 00:47:36,811 And who would be the wiser? 399 00:47:56,801 --> 00:47:58,132 Asshole. 400 00:48:00,171 --> 00:48:03,523 A mummy can't be getting too much energy from all this... 401 00:48:03,623 --> 00:48:07,738 not like with big souls... but the prey is easy. 402 00:48:08,279 --> 00:48:12,761 With new people comin' all the time, he can keep this up forever... this soul robbin'. 403 00:48:12,861 --> 00:48:14,565 That's what they brought us here for... 404 00:48:14,665 --> 00:48:17,233 to get us out of the way until we die. 405 00:48:17,333 --> 00:48:23,157 And those who don't die first from disease or just plain being old, he gets. 406 00:48:23,728 --> 00:48:27,562 Look, that's all well and good, Jack, but there's one thing that still throws me. 407 00:48:28,666 --> 00:48:32,749 How does an ancient Egyptian wind up in an East Texas rest home, 408 00:48:32,849 --> 00:48:36,054 and why is he writin' on the shit house walls, man? 409 00:48:36,154 --> 00:48:38,620 Well, he went in to take a crap, 410 00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:41,561 got bored, started writing on the walls. 411 00:48:41,661 --> 00:48:45,031 He probably wrote on pyramid walls centuries ago. 412 00:48:45,131 --> 00:48:48,068 Come on. What would he crap? It's not like he'd eat. 413 00:48:48,168 --> 00:48:50,300 Well, he eats souls. 414 00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:54,139 So, I assume that he would crap soul residue. 415 00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:58,111 By that, I would mean that if you die from his mouth, 416 00:48:58,211 --> 00:49:01,176 you don't go to the other side where the souls go. 417 00:49:01,276 --> 00:49:06,349 He digests souls until they don't exist anymore. 418 00:49:06,449 --> 00:49:10,256 And you're just so much toilet water decoration. 419 00:49:10,356 --> 00:49:12,692 And speaking of toilets... 420 00:49:12,792 --> 00:49:16,235 This is how I figured that whole thing out. 421 00:49:17,115 --> 00:49:20,332 He's just like anybody else when it comes to taking a dump. 422 00:49:20,432 --> 00:49:22,898 He wants a nice, clean place with a flush. 423 00:49:22,998 --> 00:49:24,818 They didn't have that in his time. 424 00:49:48,713 --> 00:49:50,760 No, no. Don't go out in the hall. 425 00:49:50,860 --> 00:49:54,633 - That's all right. I'm not asleep. - That don't mean he won't hurt you. 426 00:49:54,733 --> 00:49:58,280 "He" my ass. There isn't any mummy from Egypt. 427 00:50:02,326 --> 00:50:04,385 Nice knowin' you, Elvis. 428 00:52:26,404 --> 00:52:27,564 Asshole. 429 00:53:34,972 --> 00:53:38,305 Kemosabe was dead of a ruptured heart before he hit the floor. 430 00:53:41,112 --> 00:53:43,603 Gone down and out with both guns blazing. 431 00:53:44,315 --> 00:53:46,715 Soul intact. 432 00:53:50,821 --> 00:53:53,085 Once again, we got scolded. 433 00:53:55,159 --> 00:53:58,078 This time, we got quizzed about what had happened to Kemosabe, 434 00:53:58,178 --> 00:54:00,562 but neither of us told the truth. 435 00:54:02,166 --> 00:54:04,327 I mean, who was gonna believe a couple of nuts? 436 00:54:05,603 --> 00:54:07,419 Elvis and Jack Kennedy explaining 437 00:54:07,519 --> 00:54:10,553 that Kemosabe was gunning for a mummy in cowboy duds? 438 00:54:10,653 --> 00:54:13,303 Some kind of Bubba Ho-Tep? 439 00:54:14,578 --> 00:54:15,977 So, what we did was... 440 00:54:17,515 --> 00:54:18,675 we lied. 441 00:55:03,127 --> 00:55:04,943 Life sure is fleetin', you know? 442 00:55:05,043 --> 00:55:08,347 - What? - Life. I'm saying it's fleetin'. 443 00:55:08,447 --> 00:55:11,094 One minute you're here, and the next minute you're gone... 444 00:55:12,970 --> 00:55:15,131 Shit! Shit! Come on! 445 00:55:17,074 --> 00:55:19,406 Come on. Move it! Come on. Get it! 446 00:55:23,614 --> 00:55:25,262 Nonchalant. Nonchalant. 447 00:55:25,362 --> 00:55:26,407 Nonchalant. 448 00:55:27,451 --> 00:55:28,611 Get it in there. 449 00:55:30,955 --> 00:55:32,786 You are one fuckin' idiot. 450 00:56:00,985 --> 00:56:02,145 Mr. Haff? 451 00:56:04,822 --> 00:56:06,551 Mr. Presley? 452 00:56:10,995 --> 00:56:14,313 Now, now, Mr. Presley. 453 00:56:14,413 --> 00:56:19,117 You are looking much stronger, but you shouldn't be out here too long. 454 00:56:19,217 --> 00:56:20,952 It's time for your nap. 455 00:56:21,052 --> 00:56:25,554 And it's also time for us to do that little... you know. 456 00:56:25,654 --> 00:56:27,770 You fuck off, you patronizing bitch! 457 00:56:29,513 --> 00:56:33,506 I'm sick of your shit! I'll lube my own crankshaft from now on. 458 00:56:35,886 --> 00:56:37,365 You treat me like a baby again, 459 00:56:37,465 --> 00:56:40,116 I'll wrap this goddamn walker right around your head! 460 00:57:14,091 --> 00:57:16,025 How in the hell did that mummy do that? 461 00:57:45,856 --> 00:57:49,189 Well... what the hell. 462 00:58:35,873 --> 00:58:37,807 Where did old Bubba Ho-Tep go? 463 00:58:39,443 --> 00:58:40,933 Where did he come from? 464 00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:44,609 How the hell did he get here? 465 00:58:48,552 --> 00:58:49,883 Wait a minute. 466 00:59:10,340 --> 00:59:12,831 Under the bridge. I saw him under the bridge. 467 00:59:46,877 --> 00:59:48,037 Come on, mama. 468 01:00:20,410 --> 01:00:21,570 It's a cancer. 469 01:00:22,446 --> 01:00:25,865 They're keepin' it from me 'cause I'm old, and to them, it don't matter. 470 01:00:25,965 --> 01:00:28,598 They think age will kill me first, and they're probably right. 471 01:00:28,698 --> 01:00:29,845 Well, suck them! 472 01:00:30,854 --> 01:00:32,901 I know what it is, and if it isn't... 473 01:00:33,001 --> 01:00:34,321 it might as well be. 474 01:01:32,282 --> 01:01:38,278 Station KROP is proud to present the Elvis Presley movie marathon. 475 01:01:42,192 --> 01:01:46,674 It's 24 hours of Elvis in the roles he made famous. 476 01:01:46,774 --> 01:01:51,015 Watch that two-fisted Hound Dog out-strum, outrace, 477 01:01:51,115 --> 01:01:54,434 out-fight, and outwit the bad guys. 478 01:01:55,672 --> 01:02:00,939 And at the same time, watch the King slay the girls. 479 01:02:04,314 --> 01:02:05,713 Shitty pictures, man. 480 01:02:06,783 --> 01:02:08,114 Every single one. 481 01:02:11,154 --> 01:02:14,635 Here I was complainin' about loss of pride and how life had treated me, 482 01:02:14,735 --> 01:02:18,144 and now I realized... I never had any pride. 483 01:02:18,244 --> 01:02:20,545 And much of how life had treated me had been good. 484 01:02:20,645 --> 01:02:22,963 The bulk of the bad was my own damn fault. 485 01:02:24,368 --> 01:02:27,686 Should've fired Colonel Parker by the time I got in the pictures. 486 01:02:27,786 --> 01:02:29,486 Old fart had been a shark and a fool, 487 01:02:29,586 --> 01:02:31,905 and I was an even bigger fool for following him. 488 01:02:33,277 --> 01:02:35,268 If only I'd treated Priscilla right. 489 01:02:36,747 --> 01:02:38,874 If I could've told my daughter I loved her. 490 01:02:40,350 --> 01:02:43,168 Always the questions. Never the answers. 491 01:02:43,268 --> 01:02:46,745 Always the hopes... never the fulfillments. 492 01:02:53,697 --> 01:02:57,414 I had the woman who calls herself my niece come get me. 493 01:02:57,514 --> 01:03:00,650 She took me downtown this morning to the newspaper morgue. 494 01:03:00,750 --> 01:03:03,205 She's been helping me to do some research. 495 01:03:04,141 --> 01:03:06,959 - Research on what, man? - On our mummy. 496 01:03:07,059 --> 01:03:08,692 You know somethin' about him? 497 01:03:08,792 --> 01:03:10,838 I know plenty. 498 01:03:13,250 --> 01:03:16,635 Now, one of the lesser mummies, 499 01:03:16,735 --> 01:03:19,301 on loan from the Egyptian government, 500 01:03:19,401 --> 01:03:22,437 was being circulated all over the United States. 501 01:03:22,537 --> 01:03:24,072 You know, museums, stuff like that. 502 01:03:24,172 --> 01:03:26,174 What do you mean? Like King Tut or whatever? 503 01:03:26,274 --> 01:03:28,045 No, more like King Tut's brother. 504 01:03:28,145 --> 01:03:32,484 His mummy was flown or carried by the train from state to state. 505 01:03:32,584 --> 01:03:35,150 When it got to Texas, it was stolen. 506 01:03:35,250 --> 01:03:36,243 Stolen? 507 01:03:36,343 --> 01:03:41,058 Evidence points to it being stolen at night by a couple of guys in a silver bus. 508 01:03:41,158 --> 01:03:43,860 Bus? Hey, I've seen that! 509 01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,163 Anyway, the thieves broke into the museum, 510 01:03:46,263 --> 01:03:49,168 stole it in hopes of a ransom, 511 01:03:49,268 --> 01:03:54,121 when in comes the worst storm in East Texas history. 512 01:03:55,092 --> 01:03:56,184 Let me guess. 513 01:03:57,160 --> 01:03:59,140 The bus was washed away, see? 514 01:03:59,240 --> 01:04:02,379 'Cause I think I saw it today. It was way back in the creek. 515 01:04:02,479 --> 01:04:05,299 The mummy was imprisoned by the debris. 516 01:04:06,203 --> 01:04:08,250 Look here... how'd it come back to life? 517 01:04:08,350 --> 01:04:10,722 And how did I end up inside its memories? 518 01:04:10,822 --> 01:04:13,625 Speculation broadens here, but from what I've read, 519 01:04:13,725 --> 01:04:16,528 some mummies get buried without their names... 520 01:04:16,628 --> 01:04:18,911 a curse put on their sarcophagus. 521 01:04:20,217 --> 01:04:23,265 Hey, now, maybe our boy's one of them. 522 01:04:23,365 --> 01:04:27,504 I mean, when he's in the coffin, he's just a dried-up old corpse, 523 01:04:27,604 --> 01:04:30,808 but when the bus got washed away, maybe it overturned or broke open, 524 01:04:30,908 --> 01:04:32,874 and now he's free of coffin and curse. 525 01:04:32,974 --> 01:04:37,332 He's free from imprisonment, but he still needs souls. 526 01:04:37,968 --> 01:04:39,284 Now he's free to have them. 527 01:04:39,384 --> 01:04:43,567 He can just keep on feedin' unless he's finally destroyed. 528 01:04:46,410 --> 01:04:47,900 So, what do we do, Jack? 529 01:04:49,246 --> 01:04:52,029 Changing rest homes might be a good idea. 530 01:04:52,129 --> 01:04:53,729 I can't think of much else. 531 01:04:53,829 --> 01:04:55,797 But I will say this... 532 01:04:55,897 --> 01:04:59,536 Our mummy is a nighttime kind of guy. 533 01:04:59,636 --> 01:05:02,806 So, I'm gonna go and sleep now. 534 01:05:02,906 --> 01:05:05,243 I'll set my alarm for just before dark, 535 01:05:05,343 --> 01:05:07,956 then I can get myself a couple of cups of coffee. 536 01:05:08,632 --> 01:05:09,880 Damn straight. 537 01:05:09,980 --> 01:05:13,683 If he comes in here tonight, I don't want him slappin' his lips on my asshole. 538 01:05:13,783 --> 01:05:16,136 Yes. Consider it. 539 01:05:17,140 --> 01:05:21,873 He's got the proverbial bird's nest on the ground here. 540 01:05:40,597 --> 01:05:43,532 What do I really have left in life but this place? 541 01:05:48,105 --> 01:05:49,834 It ain't much of a home... 542 01:05:51,007 --> 01:05:52,565 but it's all I got. 543 01:05:57,914 --> 01:05:59,313 Well, goddamnit. 544 01:06:00,650 --> 01:06:05,701 I'll be damned if I let some foreign, graffiti-writin', soul-suckin', 545 01:06:05,801 --> 01:06:09,107 son of a bitch in an oversized cowboy hat and boots 546 01:06:09,207 --> 01:06:13,026 take my friends' souls and shit 'em down the visitors toilet! 547 01:06:19,136 --> 01:06:21,953 In the movies, I always played heroic types. 548 01:06:22,053 --> 01:06:23,455 But when the stage lights went out, 549 01:06:23,555 --> 01:06:27,203 it was time for drugs and stupidity and the coveting of women. 550 01:06:27,978 --> 01:06:29,727 Now it's time. 551 01:06:29,827 --> 01:06:33,530 Time to be a little of what I had always fantasized bein'... 552 01:06:33,630 --> 01:06:34,948 a hero. 553 01:06:47,364 --> 01:06:48,422 Hello? 554 01:06:49,166 --> 01:06:51,117 Mr. Kennedy? 555 01:06:51,217 --> 01:06:53,465 Ask not what your rest home can do for you. 556 01:06:54,504 --> 01:06:56,855 Ask what you can do for your rest home. 557 01:06:56,955 --> 01:07:00,590 Hey, you're copying my best lines. 558 01:07:00,690 --> 01:07:02,941 Then let me paraphrase one of my own. 559 01:07:03,880 --> 01:07:05,871 Let's take care of business. 560 01:07:06,416 --> 01:07:09,267 Just what are you getting at, Elvis? 561 01:07:09,367 --> 01:07:11,547 I think you know what I'm gettin' at, Mr. President. 562 01:07:13,089 --> 01:07:14,579 We're gonna kill us a mummy. 563 01:07:27,504 --> 01:07:29,904 Two bottles of rubbing alcohol. 564 01:07:31,041 --> 01:07:33,656 Check. Don't even have to toss 'em. 565 01:07:33,756 --> 01:07:35,222 Look here. 566 01:07:35,322 --> 01:07:37,746 Found this in the storage room. 567 01:07:38,515 --> 01:07:39,831 I thought they kept it locked. 568 01:07:39,931 --> 01:07:42,700 They do. I stole a hairpin and picked the lock, baby. 569 01:07:42,800 --> 01:07:43,986 Great. 570 01:07:44,154 --> 01:07:45,246 Matches. 571 01:07:46,022 --> 01:07:48,684 Check. Even scrounged up a cigarette lighter. 572 01:07:49,793 --> 01:07:52,261 Good. Uniform. 573 01:07:57,033 --> 01:07:58,864 Big check on that, baby. 574 01:08:00,303 --> 01:08:05,455 Well, I got a nice pair of shoes to go with this. 575 01:08:05,555 --> 01:08:06,600 Check. 576 01:08:08,645 --> 01:08:09,792 Scissors. 577 01:08:09,892 --> 01:08:11,079 Check. 578 01:08:12,315 --> 01:08:13,361 All right. 579 01:08:13,461 --> 01:08:16,817 Now, I got my chair oiled and ready to roll. 580 01:08:17,420 --> 01:08:19,433 That's good, man. We could use some wheels. 581 01:08:19,533 --> 01:08:23,341 And I picked some words of power from my book of magic. 582 01:08:23,441 --> 01:08:25,141 I don't know if they'll stop a mummy, 583 01:08:25,241 --> 01:08:27,560 but they're supposed to ward off evil. 584 01:08:28,231 --> 01:08:31,116 I wrote them down. One for each of us. 585 01:08:31,216 --> 01:08:33,192 Well, we'll use what we got, baby. 586 01:08:34,070 --> 01:08:36,522 All right, 2:45 a.m., we hook up right back here. 587 01:08:36,622 --> 01:08:40,872 No, at the rate we travel, maybe we ought to start at 2:30. 588 01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:44,738 Say, Jack? 589 01:08:46,850 --> 01:08:48,626 Do we know what the hell we're doin', man? 590 01:08:49,686 --> 01:08:54,539 No. But they say that fire cleanses evil. 591 01:08:54,639 --> 01:08:58,207 Let's just hope that they... whoever they are... is right. 592 01:08:58,307 --> 01:08:59,841 Check on that, too. 593 01:08:59,941 --> 01:09:01,475 All right, synchronize watches. 594 01:09:01,575 --> 01:09:03,964 And... mark. 595 01:09:05,769 --> 01:09:10,589 Now, the two key words for tonight are "caution" and "flammable." 596 01:09:10,689 --> 01:09:14,166 And also... "watch your ass." 597 01:10:23,079 --> 01:10:24,979 What's that you got hanging around your neck? 598 01:10:26,249 --> 01:10:27,998 That's my medicine bag. 599 01:10:28,098 --> 01:10:30,018 Indians used to wear 'em into battle. 600 01:10:31,154 --> 01:10:33,122 Full of all kinds of lucky stuff. 601 01:10:34,257 --> 01:10:37,317 See here? Mucho mojo. 602 01:10:45,268 --> 01:10:46,428 That's my daughter. 603 01:10:49,706 --> 01:10:51,105 I know. 604 01:10:53,777 --> 01:10:57,338 We weren't there for our kids when they needed us, were we? 605 01:11:00,583 --> 01:11:02,574 Man, if I could just talk to her again... 606 01:11:03,853 --> 01:11:05,013 tell her I love her... 607 01:11:06,456 --> 01:11:08,515 try and make things right somehow. 608 01:11:09,759 --> 01:11:11,739 No time for regrets, Elvis. 609 01:11:11,839 --> 01:11:15,025 We were the best fathers we could be under the circumstances. 610 01:11:17,267 --> 01:11:19,428 Yeah, I guess, no time for regrets. 611 01:11:20,770 --> 01:11:22,418 We got business to take care of. 612 01:11:22,518 --> 01:11:25,188 Look here. Top it off with this. 613 01:11:25,288 --> 01:11:27,607 I stole it from the gardener when he wasn't lookin'. 614 01:11:32,549 --> 01:11:35,313 It's gonna be one hell of a barbeque. 615 01:11:45,195 --> 01:11:46,594 Let's do it, amigo. 616 01:11:51,367 --> 01:11:52,425 Hey, Jack? 617 01:11:56,473 --> 01:11:58,031 I just got one last question. 618 01:12:00,310 --> 01:12:01,368 Marilyn. 619 01:12:04,547 --> 01:12:06,879 Come on, man. Marilyn Monroe? 620 01:12:07,784 --> 01:12:09,775 What was she like in the sack? 621 01:12:10,753 --> 01:12:13,916 That is classified information. Top secret! 622 01:12:15,492 --> 01:12:17,153 But between you and me... 623 01:12:18,228 --> 01:12:19,404 Wow! 624 01:12:23,666 --> 01:12:25,759 You old dog. Watch your back, Jack. 625 01:12:31,474 --> 01:12:32,634 Gotta hump it. 626 01:13:23,927 --> 01:13:27,779 Shit... when Bubba Ho-Tep comes out of that creek bed, 627 01:13:27,879 --> 01:13:29,911 he's gonna come out hungry and pissed. 628 01:13:30,011 --> 01:13:32,648 When I try and stop him, he's gonna jam this paint can up my ass 629 01:13:32,748 --> 01:13:35,067 and jam me and that wheelchair up Jack's ass. 630 01:14:19,182 --> 01:14:20,182 Shit. 631 01:14:28,625 --> 01:14:29,819 Hey, Jack. 632 01:15:44,567 --> 01:15:46,398 Don't make me use my stuff on you, baby. 633 01:16:29,979 --> 01:16:32,539 Damn! Where did he go to? 634 01:16:35,318 --> 01:16:37,115 Hey! You stay put! 635 01:16:37,820 --> 01:16:39,151 I'll flush him out! 636 01:16:41,891 --> 01:16:43,483 You be careful, man. 637 01:16:52,034 --> 01:16:53,034 No, Jack! 638 01:17:25,268 --> 01:17:26,326 Oh, man. 639 01:18:03,105 --> 01:18:06,768 Come and get it, you undead sack of shit. 640 01:18:32,301 --> 01:18:33,461 Sorry, man. 641 01:19:02,398 --> 01:19:03,558 Mr. Kennedy? 642 01:19:10,072 --> 01:19:14,509 The President is soon dead. 643 01:19:19,048 --> 01:19:24,734 So, now... it's up to you, Elvis. 644 01:19:24,834 --> 01:19:27,238 You got to get him. 645 01:19:27,338 --> 01:19:30,523 You... got to... 646 01:19:31,627 --> 01:19:33,458 take care of business. 647 01:19:50,379 --> 01:19:51,539 That's right, man. 648 01:19:53,349 --> 01:19:54,839 T.C. B... 649 01:19:57,119 --> 01:19:58,450 It's just you and me. 650 01:20:17,440 --> 01:20:18,600 Mr. President. 651 01:20:39,528 --> 01:20:42,929 "You nasty thing from beyond the dead... 652 01:20:44,100 --> 01:20:49,265 "No matter what you think or do, good things will never come to you. 653 01:20:52,575 --> 01:20:55,758 "And if evil is your black design, 654 01:20:55,858 --> 01:21:00,496 "you can bet the goodness of the Light Ones... 655 01:21:00,596 --> 01:21:03,711 will kick your bad behind"? 656 01:21:04,754 --> 01:21:06,402 For chrissake... 657 01:21:06,502 --> 01:21:07,649 That's it? 658 01:21:09,725 --> 01:21:12,610 That's the chant against evil from the Book Of Souls? 659 01:21:12,710 --> 01:21:13,943 Yeah, right, boss. 660 01:21:14,043 --> 01:21:16,510 And what kind of decoder ring comes with that, man? 661 01:21:16,610 --> 01:21:18,897 Shit, it doesn't even rhyme well! 662 01:21:46,662 --> 01:21:48,061 This is dog shit. 663 01:21:52,935 --> 01:21:55,665 It's time for A-C-T-l-O-N. 664 01:21:57,873 --> 01:22:00,034 Come on, baby. Here we go. 665 01:23:18,387 --> 01:23:19,786 I was goin' out. 666 01:23:20,556 --> 01:23:23,475 And if I did, not only would I be one dead son of a bitch, 667 01:23:23,575 --> 01:23:24,719 but so would my soul. 668 01:23:25,728 --> 01:23:27,559 I'd be just so much crap. 669 01:23:28,898 --> 01:23:32,163 No afterlife, no reincarnation, no angels with harps. 670 01:23:32,902 --> 01:23:35,462 Whatever lay beyond would not be known to me. 671 01:23:36,138 --> 01:23:38,868 It would all end right here for Elvis Aaron Presley. 672 01:23:39,542 --> 01:23:41,601 Nothin' left but a quick flush. 673 01:23:45,814 --> 01:23:47,304 T.C.B., baby. 674 01:23:56,592 --> 01:23:59,720 Your soul-suckin' days are over, amigo. 675 01:24:57,052 --> 01:25:00,453 I felt somethin' inside gratin' against somethin' soft. 676 01:25:01,490 --> 01:25:04,425 I felt like a water balloon with a hole poked in it. 677 01:25:07,229 --> 01:25:09,390 I was goin' down for the last count. 678 01:25:10,499 --> 01:25:11,659 And I knew it. 679 01:25:14,103 --> 01:25:15,934 But I still have my soul. 680 01:25:18,107 --> 01:25:19,506 It's still mine. 681 01:25:21,043 --> 01:25:22,442 All mine. 682 01:25:26,982 --> 01:25:30,247 And the folks up there at Shady Rest... 683 01:25:32,288 --> 01:25:33,778 they have theirs, too. 684 01:25:35,424 --> 01:25:36,914 And they're gonna keep 'em. 685 01:25:38,794 --> 01:25:40,284 Every single one. 686 01:26:09,058 --> 01:26:10,218 Thank you. 687 01:26:12,995 --> 01:26:14,826 Thank you very much. 688 01:26:15,305 --> 01:26:21,637 Craving big poker? Feast your eyes on Venom. $5 million GTD. AmericasCardroom.com 52457

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.