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1
00:00:01,293 --> 00:00:02,693
(THEME SONG PLAYING)
2
00:00:22,881 --> 00:00:25,049
He really takes
this seriously, doesn't he?
3
00:00:25,117 --> 00:00:26,684
Oh, he's a birthday freak.
4
00:00:26,752 --> 00:00:28,519
I can't take this
pressure every year!
5
00:00:28,587 --> 00:00:30,387
I'm gonna be in therapy
over this, aren't I?
6
00:00:30,455 --> 00:00:31,656
We'll get a group rate,
honey.
7
00:00:31,723 --> 00:00:33,023
Not gonna happen!
8
00:00:33,091 --> 00:00:34,958
This year you have wisely
chosen Eric Matthews
9
00:00:35,026 --> 00:00:36,960
as the "Alan Matthews
birthday-party planner."
10
00:00:37,028 --> 00:00:38,328
Bravo to you.
11
00:00:38,396 --> 00:00:40,397
You are the right man
for the job, sweetie.
12
00:00:40,465 --> 00:00:41,399
Yes, I am!
Yes, I am!
13
00:00:41,466 --> 00:00:44,335
All right, listen.
Here's the key as I see it.
14
00:00:44,403 --> 00:00:47,472
Dad was a Navy man, which
means he'll use any means,
15
00:00:47,539 --> 00:00:50,107
even torture, to find
out about this party.
16
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:52,209
Dad was a cook
in the Coast Guard.
17
00:00:53,478 --> 00:00:55,412
Daddy was a Navy SEAL!
18
00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,681
Don't you ever...
Mom, Mom, Mom!
19
00:00:57,749 --> 00:00:59,183
He's doing it again!
Mom!
20
00:00:59,251 --> 00:01:00,351
Hi!
21
00:01:00,419 --> 00:01:01,652
Hello!
Hi!
22
00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:02,819
Tell him nothing!
23
00:01:03,922 --> 00:01:05,522
(ERIC SCURRYING UPSTAIRS)
24
00:01:09,294 --> 00:01:11,128
Three more days.
25
00:01:11,196 --> 00:01:14,031
I'm gonna be so happy
in three more days.
26
00:01:14,099 --> 00:01:16,267
Anybody know why?
Huh?
27
00:01:16,334 --> 00:01:17,368
Morgan?
28
00:01:17,435 --> 00:01:18,469
I'm not playin'.
29
00:01:19,938 --> 00:01:21,939
What a baby!
30
00:01:23,909 --> 00:01:25,442
46. The big four-six.
31
00:01:25,510 --> 00:01:27,244
What do you get
a 46-year-old, huh?
32
00:01:27,312 --> 00:01:28,412
Anyone, anyone?
33
00:01:28,479 --> 00:01:30,715
Oh, Alan, leave us
the hell alone.
34
00:01:33,117 --> 00:01:34,251
Hey!
35
00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:36,587
Shawnie! Angela!
What's up, Ang?
36
00:01:36,654 --> 00:01:38,555
Tell them.
There's nothing to tell.
37
00:01:38,623 --> 00:01:39,857
Tell us what?
38
00:01:39,925 --> 00:01:43,427
Nothing. I got a letter
from my mom, from Virna.
39
00:01:44,462 --> 00:01:46,296
Have you opened it?
No.
40
00:01:46,364 --> 00:01:47,597
Tear it up!
41
00:01:47,665 --> 00:01:48,832
Cory, I haven't heard
from her in three years.
42
00:01:48,934 --> 00:01:50,167
Just tear it up!
43
00:01:50,235 --> 00:01:51,068
Hey, Shawn.
44
00:01:51,135 --> 00:01:52,836
Hey, Mr. Matthews!
45
00:01:52,904 --> 00:01:56,239
Happy birthday in
three days, right? 46?
46
00:01:56,307 --> 00:01:57,908
This is what I'm
talking about, people!
47
00:01:57,976 --> 00:02:00,444
This is a good boy!
48
00:02:00,511 --> 00:02:04,482
Shawn, look. Everything's
going great for you, okay?
49
00:02:04,549 --> 00:02:05,816
You've got friends.
50
00:02:05,884 --> 00:02:07,718
You've got a beautiful,
honest, sweet,
51
00:02:07,786 --> 00:02:09,486
loving woman
that loves you.
52
00:02:09,554 --> 00:02:11,388
Well, thanks, Cory.
Shut up!
53
00:02:11,456 --> 00:02:13,057
You've made peace
with your father's death.
54
00:02:13,125 --> 00:02:15,325
You've made peace with
your loony mother. Okay?
55
00:02:15,393 --> 00:02:17,461
There's no good
in that letter.
56
00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:19,930
Cory, maybe Shawn needs
to take a look at that letter
57
00:02:19,998 --> 00:02:22,866
for reasons you
can't see right now.
58
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,070
Gee, Mom, you know, I'm... I'm
looking around the room here,
59
00:02:26,137 --> 00:02:29,105
trying to see if anyone
asked your opinion.
60
00:02:29,173 --> 00:02:32,476
I don't see anyone.
Is anyone... No?
61
00:02:34,813 --> 00:02:38,783
Look, you want an opinion,
you ask Topanga, okay?
62
00:02:38,850 --> 00:02:42,586
Ask her! Go ahead.
Topanga, tell him.
63
00:02:42,654 --> 00:02:44,988
Cory, honey, I think
you need to let Shawn
64
00:02:45,056 --> 00:02:46,290
do whatever he wants.
65
00:02:46,358 --> 00:02:49,727
(CHUCKLES) Excuse me.
66
00:02:49,795 --> 00:02:52,797
Don't you ever snap at me
like that in public again!
67
00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:57,902
It says my mom
is somewhere in Honduras.
68
00:02:57,904 --> 00:02:59,870
Oh, no! He opened it.
69
00:02:59,938 --> 00:03:02,873
And she's never coming back.
That's nothing new.
70
00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:04,375
She heard that Dad died,
71
00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:06,244
and now I have the right
to know something.
72
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,345
Shawn, put the letter
back in the envelope!
73
00:03:08,413 --> 00:03:09,614
Wait a minute!
Maybe it's good news.
74
00:03:09,681 --> 00:03:11,515
Trust me! It's not!
75
00:03:12,718 --> 00:03:13,851
Shawn?
76
00:03:14,653 --> 00:03:16,354
She's not my real mother.
77
00:03:26,264 --> 00:03:28,698
We gotta find my mom, Jack.
She's the only...
78
00:03:28,766 --> 00:03:31,235
Family you have left?
You gonna say that again?
79
00:03:31,303 --> 00:03:33,170
Let's go on a search
for your brother.
80
00:03:33,238 --> 00:03:35,772
Oh, wait a minute! We don't have to.
He's here.
81
00:03:35,774 --> 00:03:37,775
You're my half-brother.
82
00:03:37,777 --> 00:03:40,210
Okay, well, how about the other
half beats the crap out of you?
83
00:03:40,312 --> 00:03:43,013
Okay! Listen up, people.
84
00:03:43,081 --> 00:03:44,649
Here's the plan
as I see it.
85
00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:52,356
We give Morgan,
who will be our decoy,
86
00:03:52,424 --> 00:03:54,591
some kind of poison
that will make her ill.
87
00:03:56,227 --> 00:03:58,195
Dad will have to take
her to the hospital,
88
00:03:58,263 --> 00:04:00,097
and when he's in
the emergency room,
89
00:04:00,165 --> 00:04:01,731
that's when
the party begins.
90
00:04:03,668 --> 00:04:05,369
So, let me make sure
I understand this.
91
00:04:05,437 --> 00:04:07,938
You're willing
to poison your sister
92
00:04:08,006 --> 00:04:09,473
to surprise your father.
93
00:04:09,541 --> 00:04:11,675
The problem is,
if Morgan goes south,
94
00:04:11,743 --> 00:04:14,745
I mean, if she,
actually, well, croaks,
95
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:21,085
it's gonna put a damper
on the entire party.
96
00:04:21,152 --> 00:04:24,021
Which is why we
get horsey rides!
97
00:04:26,424 --> 00:04:27,891
Notice me.
98
00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:30,293
I'm Eric, on the horsey.
Let's call him Pete.
99
00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:33,096
The two of us together,
100
00:04:33,165 --> 00:04:35,899
having fun,
joy, merriment.
101
00:04:37,335 --> 00:04:38,402
Cory.
102
00:04:38,470 --> 00:04:39,336
I wanna be
over there now.
103
00:04:39,403 --> 00:04:40,637
Take me with you!
104
00:04:40,705 --> 00:04:42,405
All right, if any
of you need me,
105
00:04:42,473 --> 00:04:44,174
I'm gonna be at
the poison store.
106
00:04:45,943 --> 00:04:48,512
Interesting family
on Dad's side.
107
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:51,548
His great-grandfather and
great-uncle were born in Scotland.
108
00:04:51,616 --> 00:04:53,717
BOTH: Ah! Scottish.
109
00:04:53,784 --> 00:04:55,719
And what they were
known for was, well,
110
00:04:55,787 --> 00:04:59,022
one day, they slaughtered
their entire village.
111
00:04:59,091 --> 00:05:01,124
BOTH: Ah! Slaughterers.
112
00:05:02,660 --> 00:05:04,228
I come from thieves
and pillagers.
113
00:05:04,295 --> 00:05:06,030
I come from bad people.
114
00:05:06,097 --> 00:05:08,499
Well, hey, you know, we haven't
looked up your mom's side.
115
00:05:08,533 --> 00:05:10,300
I've had three mothers.
116
00:05:10,368 --> 00:05:13,837
Yes, uh, Virna,
Ming Wa, and Elaine.
117
00:05:13,905 --> 00:05:15,839
I think we can rule
Ming Wa out.
118
00:05:16,808 --> 00:05:18,975
Hmm. Which leaves Elaine.
119
00:05:19,043 --> 00:05:23,280
Elaine McGinty. Ah, yes.
Last spotted in Boston.
120
00:05:23,348 --> 00:05:25,549
Hmm. She's probably
sitting in a coffeehouse,
121
00:05:25,617 --> 00:05:27,084
reading poetry right now.
122
00:05:27,151 --> 00:05:29,152
You think Elaine's where
I got my poetry thing, Cor?
123
00:05:30,221 --> 00:05:31,789
No.
Why not?
124
00:05:31,856 --> 00:05:34,391
I just don't want you
to expect anything.
125
00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:38,094
Okay, I've entered
all the information,
126
00:05:38,162 --> 00:05:39,697
so all you have to do
is hit "search,"
127
00:05:39,764 --> 00:05:42,700
and they'll send you the results
a few days later in the mail.
128
00:05:42,767 --> 00:05:44,034
Sure you want to
do this, right?
129
00:05:44,101 --> 00:05:45,436
Oh, I'm sure!
130
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:48,839
Is that your final answer?
131
00:05:50,308 --> 00:05:51,508
Yeah.
132
00:05:58,349 --> 00:06:01,451
Okay, so when
the firecrackers go off,
133
00:06:01,520 --> 00:06:03,721
Rachel runs inside
the house and yells...
134
00:06:03,788 --> 00:06:07,424
"The Japanese are attacking.
The Japanese are attacking."
135
00:06:09,527 --> 00:06:10,527
Wow.
136
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:14,364
Okay, um, see,
I don't believe you!
137
00:06:14,432 --> 00:06:15,566
I don't believe you.
138
00:06:15,633 --> 00:06:18,401
Daddy will run outside
because he's a Navy SEAL!
139
00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:19,869
Not!
Shut it!
140
00:06:21,139 --> 00:06:23,641
You, you! You gotta
get your cakes!
141
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:26,109
That's the only job,
is to get the cakes!
142
00:06:26,177 --> 00:06:27,477
You got that, squirt?
143
00:06:27,545 --> 00:06:29,379
I like when you
call me "squirt."
144
00:06:30,081 --> 00:06:31,882
All right, everybody!
145
00:06:31,949 --> 00:06:33,417
I hold in my hand
146
00:06:33,485 --> 00:06:36,687
the research result of one
Elaine McGinty Hunter.
147
00:06:36,754 --> 00:06:39,089
I have a mother!
She's in here.
148
00:06:39,157 --> 00:06:40,958
Open it!
(ALL AGREEING)
149
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,127
Yeah, open it, because
things are going great.
150
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:44,894
Everybody's happy,
we're all getting along,
151
00:06:44,962 --> 00:06:46,897
and who wants that?
152
00:06:46,899 --> 00:06:48,698
What?
Yeah! Open it.
153
00:06:50,301 --> 00:06:51,568
(SIGHS)
154
00:06:52,403 --> 00:06:54,071
Huh. How about that?
155
00:06:54,139 --> 00:06:55,806
These Hunters
are tricky people.
156
00:06:55,874 --> 00:06:57,574
It must be in our blood.
157
00:06:57,642 --> 00:07:00,010
If a Hunter doesn't want to
be found, she won't be found.
158
00:07:00,078 --> 00:07:01,711
You know, maybe we
can just try again.
159
00:07:01,780 --> 00:07:04,214
No, no, because every
trace that we did, Jack,
160
00:07:04,282 --> 00:07:05,816
they came up empty.
161
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:07,384
Maybe she got
married again.
162
00:07:07,452 --> 00:07:09,019
Maybe her name
just changed.
163
00:07:09,087 --> 00:07:10,887
Maybe she doesn't
want to be found.
164
00:07:10,955 --> 00:07:13,257
Yeah, maybe she doesn't
want to be found by me.
165
00:07:13,325 --> 00:07:15,225
You're overreacting.
166
00:07:15,293 --> 00:07:17,127
Shawn, are you
gonna be okay?
167
00:07:17,129 --> 00:07:19,763
No, yeah, I'm fine. I knew
this was a long shot.
168
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:22,366
I'm just, you know...
I'm glad that I tried.
169
00:07:22,433 --> 00:07:24,668
Shawn, you have a tendency
to push your friends away
170
00:07:24,736 --> 00:07:26,603
when these things
happen to you.
171
00:07:26,671 --> 00:07:29,473
Shawn, we're happy
now, okay?
172
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:32,008
Don't you dare go doing
something crazy to us.
173
00:07:32,076 --> 00:07:34,044
Angela. Love. Kiss.
174
00:07:34,112 --> 00:07:35,512
Forget about it!
175
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,882
Okay? I'm leaving now.
176
00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:39,917
Not some big Shawn exit.
177
00:07:39,985 --> 00:07:41,785
I just got stuff to do, okay?
178
00:07:41,886 --> 00:07:43,353
Go on! Get outta here!
179
00:07:43,421 --> 00:07:45,956
We're tired of looking at your
ugly face, right, everybody?
180
00:07:46,024 --> 00:07:47,358
ALL: Get out! Leave!
181
00:07:47,360 --> 00:07:49,793
Listen, don't forget
about my dad's party, okay?
182
00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:51,161
Wouldn't miss it.
183
00:07:54,732 --> 00:07:55,732
Cory?
184
00:07:56,401 --> 00:07:57,501
Yeah?
185
00:07:57,568 --> 00:07:59,803
What do you think
he's gonna do?
186
00:07:59,870 --> 00:08:01,805
Probably something
that will devastate himself,
187
00:08:01,872 --> 00:08:03,907
as well as
everyone around him.
188
00:08:05,043 --> 00:08:06,376
The usual.
189
00:08:13,517 --> 00:08:14,517
Hey, Daddy-O.
190
00:08:14,585 --> 00:08:16,086
(DEPRESSED) Hi.
191
00:08:16,154 --> 00:08:17,154
You all sad?
192
00:08:17,221 --> 00:08:19,223
Yeah.
193
00:08:19,290 --> 00:08:21,792
'Cause it's your birthday, so you didn't
make any plans so you could be here,
194
00:08:21,859 --> 00:08:23,560
and now you're here but
nobody's here doing anything?
195
00:08:23,628 --> 00:08:25,329
Yeah.
196
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,998
Yeah? (SIGHS)
197
00:08:28,065 --> 00:08:29,966
Well, you didn't
make any plans for
198
00:08:30,802 --> 00:08:32,502
tomorrow night,
did you?
199
00:08:33,871 --> 00:08:35,572
Why?
200
00:08:35,639 --> 00:08:36,740
Oh, no! There's no reason. No
reason at all. No reason at all.
201
00:08:36,808 --> 00:08:39,443
I just don't want you
to make any plans for
202
00:08:39,510 --> 00:08:40,643
tomorrow night.
203
00:08:41,412 --> 00:08:42,713
Tell me.
No, I can't.
204
00:08:42,780 --> 00:08:43,947
Tell me.
I can't tell.
205
00:08:44,015 --> 00:08:46,383
Tell me.
(LAUGHING)
206
00:08:46,451 --> 00:08:48,084
Okay, okay, okay!
Big bash!
207
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,986
Big bash! Big luau, okay?
208
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:52,890
Tomorrow night?
209
00:08:52,957 --> 00:08:54,658
But tomorrow night's
not my birthday!
210
00:08:54,726 --> 00:08:57,127
Tomorrow night's
just tomorrow night!
211
00:08:57,195 --> 00:08:58,562
I have a horsey coming.
212
00:09:00,264 --> 00:09:01,999
Eric, you throw
a birthday party
213
00:09:02,067 --> 00:09:04,200
on a person's birthday!
214
00:09:04,268 --> 00:09:07,404
Then you're not
gonna be surprised! Hi!
215
00:09:07,472 --> 00:09:09,239
I think I know what I'm
doing, all right, Dad?
216
00:09:09,307 --> 00:09:11,108
I've planned this
whole thing myself.
217
00:09:14,311 --> 00:09:16,679
You know, so, like, how
much do you like Morgan?
218
00:09:19,717 --> 00:09:21,818
What are you
doing here, now?
219
00:09:21,820 --> 00:09:23,720
You know, it's funny.
I don't know.
220
00:09:23,788 --> 00:09:26,757
Mom told me to be here
at exactly 7:30 for something.
221
00:09:27,992 --> 00:09:30,060
ALL: Surprise!
222
00:09:31,796 --> 00:09:34,097
Whoa!
Outstanding!
223
00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:35,398
What's the occasion?
224
00:09:35,466 --> 00:09:39,069
Oh, Eric, we used
you as a decoy.
225
00:09:39,137 --> 00:09:42,339
We knew you'd be stupid,
so we used it against you.
226
00:09:42,406 --> 00:09:46,343
I was the decoy
'cause I'm so stupid!
227
00:09:46,410 --> 00:09:48,778
I am so stupid, but,
hey, you know something?
228
00:09:48,847 --> 00:09:52,181
That's gonna make my party for you
tomorrow a big surprise, right, Dad?
229
00:09:52,249 --> 00:09:53,550
Right!
230
00:09:53,617 --> 00:09:54,818
(LAUGHING)
231
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:55,885
(DOOR OPENS)
232
00:09:55,953 --> 00:09:57,487
(SHAWN CHUCKLES)
233
00:09:58,289 --> 00:09:59,523
Surprise!
234
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:02,125
(WHISPERING) It's tomorrow
night, you idiot!
235
00:10:02,193 --> 00:10:03,226
Hey, Shawn!
236
00:10:03,294 --> 00:10:04,695
ALL: Hey, Shawn!
237
00:10:04,763 --> 00:10:06,763
Happy birthday,
Cory's father.
238
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,031
Shawn, could I talk
to you for a second?
239
00:10:08,099 --> 00:10:09,533
I just want to talk
to you for one second.
240
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,201
No, I don't wanna
talk to you.
241
00:10:12,170 --> 00:10:13,603
Yeah. Okay.
242
00:10:14,538 --> 00:10:15,605
Oh, boy.
243
00:10:15,673 --> 00:10:18,776
Shawn, baby.
Um, you all right?
244
00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:21,177
Yeah, I'm fine, baby.
How are you?
245
00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:24,047
It's a pleasure to see you
this evening. You look great.
246
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:26,249
Shawn...
247
00:10:27,385 --> 00:10:28,885
What? You disappointed?
248
00:10:30,288 --> 00:10:31,688
She's disappointed.
249
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:34,891
Dude.
(MOCKING) Dude!
250
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:36,293
Shawn...
Shawn!
251
00:10:36,361 --> 00:10:38,295
Aw, come on, man!
Aw, come on, man!
252
00:10:38,363 --> 00:10:40,096
Man, buddy,
Shawn, hey!
253
00:10:40,164 --> 00:10:41,698
Hey, hey!
Whoa, whoa! Hey!
254
00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:43,067
Hey!
Hey!
255
00:10:43,134 --> 00:10:44,367
You're not supposed
to be drinking, right?
256
00:10:44,435 --> 00:10:46,703
Shawn, you know what?
Let's just go sit together.
257
00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:49,539
Come on.
Let's go for a walk.
258
00:10:49,607 --> 00:10:51,040
You still love me, huh?
259
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,108
Yes.
260
00:10:53,211 --> 00:10:55,044
We don't have
any mommies.
261
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:56,580
I know.
262
00:10:57,949 --> 00:10:59,216
Shawn.
263
00:10:59,283 --> 00:11:01,351
Why don't you come into the
kitchen with me for a minute?
264
00:11:01,419 --> 00:11:02,885
You gonna make me
an omelet?
265
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:05,222
I want to have
a talk with you. Now.
266
00:11:05,290 --> 00:11:06,890
(LAUGHS)
You're not my dad.
267
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,191
Yeah, well, I'm
all you have...
268
00:11:08,259 --> 00:11:10,860
Wait, wha...
You're not my dad!
269
00:11:12,530 --> 00:11:13,764
I don't have a dad.
270
00:11:14,799 --> 00:11:16,132
And I don't have a mom.
271
00:11:17,435 --> 00:11:21,271
I'm an orphan.
I'm an old orphan.
272
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,007
My childhood is over.
273
00:11:24,075 --> 00:11:26,777
And I never had any parents.
274
00:11:29,013 --> 00:11:32,349
Oh, God!
Stop whining!
275
00:11:32,416 --> 00:11:35,585
I... I... I...
I hate you.
276
00:11:38,589 --> 00:11:40,190
I'll be your father.
277
00:11:40,258 --> 00:11:41,457
(SOBBING)
278
00:11:42,126 --> 00:11:43,760
You'll be what?
279
00:11:43,828 --> 00:11:46,096
I want you to be
a member of this family.
280
00:11:46,698 --> 00:11:48,531
Alan?
281
00:11:48,599 --> 00:11:51,401
We want you to be
a member of this family.
282
00:11:53,570 --> 00:11:55,705
Yeah, we do.
283
00:11:55,773 --> 00:11:59,409
You need a mom?
I'm a really good mom.
284
00:11:59,476 --> 00:12:00,643
I got references.
285
00:12:01,546 --> 00:12:03,346
Yeah, she's good.
286
00:12:03,414 --> 00:12:05,215
She's the best
I've ever had.
287
00:12:11,522 --> 00:12:13,757
Do you want to adopt me?
288
00:12:13,825 --> 00:12:16,727
Oh, Shawn, you have always
been a part of our family.
289
00:12:16,794 --> 00:12:18,395
How about
we make it official?
290
00:12:18,462 --> 00:12:19,796
Yeah.
291
00:12:27,004 --> 00:12:27,804
(DOOR SLAMS)
292
00:12:38,782 --> 00:12:42,118
(SIGHS) Well, it's
Cory to the rescue.
293
00:12:42,186 --> 00:12:44,454
Old faithful.
294
00:12:44,522 --> 00:12:47,157
Why don't you go home to your
wife and leave me alone?
295
00:12:49,260 --> 00:12:51,995
Sorry, Santa. I thought
you were someone else.
296
00:12:52,063 --> 00:12:54,264
It's cold out,
son. Go home.
297
00:12:56,134 --> 00:12:58,669
Wow, he really
didn't follow me, huh?
298
00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:01,938
Man, a guy gets married,
and that's the end of me.
299
00:13:09,013 --> 00:13:10,547
I'm here.
300
00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,382
I knew you would be.
301
00:13:12,450 --> 00:13:14,784
So, where we going?
302
00:13:15,753 --> 00:13:17,154
I thought we'd go
to the cemetery.
303
00:13:18,089 --> 00:13:20,423
I thought we'd go for pie.
304
00:13:20,491 --> 00:13:21,691
Cemetery.
305
00:13:22,126 --> 00:13:23,426
Boysenberry.
306
00:13:23,494 --> 00:13:25,294
Shawn, I don't like
cemeteries.
307
00:13:25,362 --> 00:13:27,497
Come on. There's a high
concentration of dead people.
308
00:13:27,564 --> 00:13:29,198
I haven't even visited
my nana Boo Boo.
309
00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:31,101
Your nana Boo Boo's
not dead!
310
00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:34,705
Oh, so now you're a doctor?
Shawn! Come here.
311
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:38,108
Look, come back
to my house.
312
00:13:38,175 --> 00:13:41,077
Okay? My family offered
to adopt you tonight.
313
00:13:41,145 --> 00:13:42,912
Do you know
how great that is?
314
00:13:42,980 --> 00:13:45,148
You would actually
be my brother.
315
00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:46,716
You are my brother already.
316
00:13:46,784 --> 00:13:48,885
So come back to my house.
317
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:51,688
There's life at my house.
My family wants you there.
318
00:13:51,756 --> 00:13:53,924
What's waiting for you
at the cemetery?
319
00:13:53,991 --> 00:13:55,492
My family.
320
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:56,593
Mine.
321
00:14:11,575 --> 00:14:15,512
Hey! You havin' a good time in
there with all your secrets?
322
00:14:15,579 --> 00:14:18,014
Like the fact that you've
been married 62 times
323
00:14:18,081 --> 00:14:20,950
and never bothered to tell me
who my real mother was!
324
00:14:21,018 --> 00:14:23,420
What possible reason
could a father have
325
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:26,323
not to tell his boy
who his mom is?
326
00:14:26,390 --> 00:14:29,091
CHET: Maybe the father was
tryin' to protect the boy.
327
00:14:32,430 --> 00:14:36,098
Hey, thanks for planting
those flowers there.
328
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:38,167
You keep the place
real nice and pretty
329
00:14:38,235 --> 00:14:40,637
for all my many visitors.
330
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:42,972
Why didn't you tell me
who my mom was?
331
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:44,341
Your mother's Virna.
332
00:14:44,408 --> 00:14:47,009
No! The woman
who gave birth to me.
333
00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:48,077
Oh, her.
334
00:14:48,145 --> 00:14:49,379
Ah, she took off.
335
00:14:50,881 --> 00:14:52,682
When you were born,
I said,
336
00:14:52,750 --> 00:14:55,352
"Honey, it's a...
Honey?"
337
00:14:55,419 --> 00:14:58,655
(CHUCKLES)
But don't blame her, son.
338
00:14:58,723 --> 00:15:01,358
She wasn't really
the mother type.
339
00:15:01,425 --> 00:15:03,125
She was more...
340
00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:05,228
How can I put
this delicately?
341
00:15:05,295 --> 00:15:06,663
A stripper.
342
00:15:07,999 --> 00:15:09,700
My mom was a stripper?
343
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:11,034
The best.
344
00:15:12,070 --> 00:15:13,403
Did you love her?
345
00:15:14,572 --> 00:15:17,507
I did. I did love her.
346
00:15:17,575 --> 00:15:20,443
Wasn't enough to
hold her, though.
347
00:15:20,511 --> 00:15:22,912
(SIGHS)
Neither was I, I guess.
348
00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:25,114
I wasn't enough to hold her.
349
00:15:25,182 --> 00:15:27,283
I wasn't enough to hold Virna.
No!
350
00:15:27,351 --> 00:15:29,151
You were adorable.
351
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:30,353
(CHUCKLES)
352
00:15:30,421 --> 00:15:33,723
You had that little butt
that Virna loved to powder.
353
00:15:35,158 --> 00:15:38,661
Women did not find
my butt adorable, however.
354
00:15:38,729 --> 00:15:41,898
They kicked it around
pretty good during my life.
355
00:15:43,133 --> 00:15:46,102
The truth is, you
had a lousy mother.
356
00:15:46,169 --> 00:15:47,637
And a lousy father.
357
00:15:49,106 --> 00:15:51,508
You come from a long
line of lousy, boy.
358
00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:52,909
Yeah, I know.
359
00:15:53,611 --> 00:15:54,944
(SIGHS)
360
00:15:55,012 --> 00:15:57,213
You got dealt
a bad hand, son.
361
00:15:58,883 --> 00:16:00,116
I'm sorry about it.
362
00:16:09,226 --> 00:16:10,960
You know, the Matthews
offered to adopt me.
363
00:16:11,028 --> 00:16:12,462
(LAUGHS) Whoa!
I know.
364
00:16:13,598 --> 00:16:15,531
That sounds like
a sweet deal!
365
00:16:16,633 --> 00:16:18,668
What are you talking about?
366
00:16:18,736 --> 00:16:21,338
It doesn't get any better
than the Matthews.
367
00:16:21,405 --> 00:16:23,440
You'd be tradin' way up
on that one.
368
00:16:23,507 --> 00:16:24,908
Come on! You're my father.
369
00:16:25,709 --> 00:16:27,210
I'm dead!
370
00:16:28,179 --> 00:16:31,180
Look, take it from
your dead dad.
371
00:16:32,983 --> 00:16:35,952
Become a Matthews.
Put it to bed.
372
00:16:38,923 --> 00:16:41,291
I always thought you were
the black sheep of the family.
373
00:16:41,325 --> 00:16:43,460
I was.
No, you weren't.
374
00:16:43,528 --> 00:16:44,494
You stayed.
375
00:16:44,561 --> 00:16:46,129
You raised me.
376
00:16:47,298 --> 00:16:50,433
I came and went.
I tried...
377
00:16:50,501 --> 00:16:52,602
You did a good
job with me, Dad.
378
00:16:52,669 --> 00:16:55,438
People like me.
I even have friends.
379
00:16:55,506 --> 00:16:57,407
Even have someone
who loves me.
380
00:16:57,474 --> 00:16:59,141
Hold on to her.
I will.
381
00:17:00,144 --> 00:17:02,445
Just like
I'm holding on to you.
382
00:17:03,014 --> 00:17:05,549
Well,
383
00:17:05,616 --> 00:17:06,950
why would you
want to do that?
384
00:17:07,018 --> 00:17:08,818
Because I'm proud of you!
385
00:17:08,886 --> 00:17:11,788
You're the one who started
to turn this family around.
386
00:17:11,856 --> 00:17:13,556
You're proud of me?
387
00:17:13,624 --> 00:17:14,791
I couldn't be prouder.
388
00:17:14,858 --> 00:17:16,726
(CHUCKLING)
Ain't that a kick?
389
00:17:16,794 --> 00:17:19,662
I tried to tell you
at the hospital.
390
00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:21,897
Well, I... I... I couldn't
really hear you, you know.
391
00:17:21,965 --> 00:17:24,334
I was goin', "Ohh! Oh! Oh!"
392
00:17:28,138 --> 00:17:29,472
I hear you now.
393
00:17:33,110 --> 00:17:35,444
Thank you.
For being my father.
394
00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:40,483
You love me, huh?
395
00:17:40,551 --> 00:17:42,285
Ain't that a kick?
396
00:17:44,555 --> 00:17:45,755
Well,
397
00:17:46,991 --> 00:17:49,159
maybe I can finally
get a little sleep.
398
00:18:00,604 --> 00:18:01,771
CORY: Shawn?
399
00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:05,708
Did you do what
you needed to do?
400
00:18:05,776 --> 00:18:07,177
Yeah, I did.
401
00:18:12,316 --> 00:18:13,849
Hi, Mr. Hunter.
402
00:18:16,053 --> 00:18:17,554
How you doin'?
403
00:18:19,323 --> 00:18:20,490
You know, me and
Topanga got married.
404
00:18:20,558 --> 00:18:22,792
I wish you
could've been there.
405
00:18:26,997 --> 00:18:28,864
Shawn's gonna be okay.
406
00:18:32,936 --> 00:18:34,704
I hope you're happy.
407
00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:39,809
He is, Cor.
408
00:18:41,979 --> 00:18:43,179
Thanks.
409
00:18:52,623 --> 00:18:54,089
I'm sorry,
410
00:18:54,157 --> 00:18:56,192
but I can't be a Matthews.
411
00:18:57,428 --> 00:18:58,928
I understand.
412
00:18:58,995 --> 00:19:01,397
The invitation
is always on the table.
413
00:19:02,799 --> 00:19:04,900
Thank you.
414
00:19:04,969 --> 00:19:07,803
But I have a feeling
there's too much repair work
415
00:19:07,871 --> 00:19:09,472
I gotta do for
the Hunter clan.
416
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,107
Yeah.
417
00:19:11,175 --> 00:19:13,008
You know, Shawn, if you
ever change your mind,
418
00:19:13,076 --> 00:19:14,777
you know you have
family here.
419
00:19:14,912 --> 00:19:16,846
I know.
420
00:19:16,914 --> 00:19:19,882
Um... Look, I'm so sorry
I ruined your party.
421
00:19:21,252 --> 00:19:22,385
Happy birthday.
422
00:19:22,653 --> 00:19:23,720
(SURPRISED GASP)
423
00:19:24,788 --> 00:19:26,223
Oh!
424
00:19:32,196 --> 00:19:34,230
That is such
a stupid gift!
425
00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:35,898
Watch how mad Dad gets!
426
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,768
"To my Dad."
427
00:19:38,836 --> 00:19:41,304
I'll keep this
for the rest of my life.
428
00:19:41,371 --> 00:19:43,439
Actually, that's from both
of us, here, Dad. See the...
429
00:19:47,177 --> 00:19:49,713
There is one thing you
can do for me, though.
430
00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:51,247
Name it!
431
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:53,383
Yell at me like you yell
at Cory and Eric.
432
00:19:54,084 --> 00:19:55,418
Is that what you want?
433
00:19:55,485 --> 00:19:57,587
That's what I want.
Really give it to me!
434
00:19:57,655 --> 00:19:58,888
I'm not afraid.
435
00:19:58,956 --> 00:20:00,290
ALL: Uh-oh!
Give it to him!
436
00:20:00,358 --> 00:20:02,291
Oh, you're not afraid, huh?
437
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:05,561
Well, maybe you
should be a little afraid,
438
00:20:05,629 --> 00:20:08,331
because I'm a Navy
damn SEAL!
439
00:20:08,432 --> 00:20:09,699
That's where
I got that from!
440
00:20:09,767 --> 00:20:11,601
He used to yell
at me all the time!
441
00:20:12,603 --> 00:20:14,737
You want another
beer, Shawn?
442
00:20:16,406 --> 00:20:18,975
Why don't you go get one
in the fridge, huh?
443
00:20:19,042 --> 00:20:21,344
So maybe you can
lose an arm!
444
00:20:21,411 --> 00:20:22,344
Ooh!
445
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:23,913
How am I doing?
446
00:20:23,981 --> 00:20:26,683
Great. You're doing great.
447
00:20:26,751 --> 00:20:32,155
Don't do these things anymore.
It scares your friends.
448
00:20:32,222 --> 00:20:33,990
I know it scares me.
449
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:36,759
And they love you.
450
00:20:36,827 --> 00:20:38,528
Yeah. I do.
451
00:20:38,595 --> 00:20:40,130
Never leave.
452
00:20:40,197 --> 00:20:41,430
I won't.
453
00:20:42,966 --> 00:20:46,736
Someday, you may want
to buy a house,
454
00:20:46,804 --> 00:20:49,005
and you're going
to come to me!
455
00:20:49,072 --> 00:20:50,506
I think this is about us.
456
00:20:50,574 --> 00:20:52,208
It's a nice touch.
457
00:20:52,276 --> 00:20:54,043
Well, I got news for you.
458
00:20:54,111 --> 00:20:55,444
Get a job!
459
00:20:56,446 --> 00:20:58,414
Yes, sir.
Thank you, sir.
460
00:21:00,751 --> 00:21:02,218
You're welcome.
31895
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