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- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- All right, everybody, start to shut up.
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00:00:04,637 --> 00:00:06,589
Let's go ahead and wrap
up your current sentences
3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,240
and get yourselves to a quiet place.
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00:00:08,241 --> 00:00:09,658
Mr. Griffin, Dan is in my seat.
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Okay, I didn't even know it was his.
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You added me to this weird class,
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00:00:12,495 --> 00:00:13,870
and now I don't know what's going on.
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00:00:13,871 --> 00:00:15,247
Calm down, calm down.
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00:00:15,248 --> 00:00:16,415
Let's don't be so rule-minded.
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No point in your adult lives
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will you ever have assigned seats.
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- Besides airplanes.
- And jury duty.
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If I've already undercut
myself, don't add to it.
14
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:26,508
'Kay? As you all know, this week we are
15
00:00:26,509 --> 00:00:30,220
devoting our attention to
the psychological dismantling
16
00:00:30,221 --> 00:00:33,181
of my academic rival, Miles Leonard.
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Miles happens to be British.
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He also happens to be... adopted.
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So this week we will
practice and perfect
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British accents. And whosever is best
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will call him, posing as
his biological birth mother
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who he's never met, and
tell him some sort of
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devastating secret.
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[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
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- Any questions?
- Mr. Griffin,
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00:00:56,914 --> 00:00:59,291
are you seriously never
gonna teach us biology at all?
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00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:01,585
Sure, Sarika. Maybe, uh,
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Pablo Picasso can come
in and teach driver's ed.
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Guys, I am a published
Harvard philosophy professor.
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I've no interest whatsoever
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in teaching biology to you people, okay?
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So drop it. It's a pretty
sweet deal on the table...
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play ball, get an A. Come
on, let's make this easy.
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I'm just trying to cope
through a year in Toledo
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with its miserable excuse for espresso.
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[MUG PIECES CLATTERING]
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Put your hand down.
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Next words I hear outta you
better be in a British accent.
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[BRITISH ACCENT] The
bookstore at the mall
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has good espresso... m'lord.
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Hey, not bad! Looks like Anthony's out
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to an early lead. Nice.
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Let's open it up. And
remember... British.
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Female.
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Hurtful. Go.
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[OVERLAPPING CHATTER WITH ACCENTS]
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The mocha latte...
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- I abandoned you in the loo.
- Okay, what is this class?
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♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪
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♪ Next time well I'll be smart ♪
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♪ ♪
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[DRAMATIC CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪ ♪
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[LEATHER SQUEAKING]
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[SIGHS] Ahh...
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This is my sanctuary.
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♪ ♪
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[SOFT DRAMATIC STING]
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Wha...
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[DRAMATIC STING]
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[DOUBLE STING]
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[UPBEAT EDGY MUSIC]
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It's fine.
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Ah, it's fine.
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[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
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Nope.
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♪ ♪
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I was kicked outta the bookstore.
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Tried to explain to the
manager that their staff "pick"
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was feel-good soft-core nonsense.
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00:02:51,195 --> 00:02:53,572
Yeah, I happened to
gesture with my coffee hand,
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00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:55,824
you know, splashed a couple
measly drops on the guy.
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He starts throwing the word scalded
around... "You've scalded me!"
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Next thing I know, this large-calfed
tyrant has his troop of baboons
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00:03:01,914 --> 00:03:05,250
forcibly eject me. So... new plan.
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00:03:05,251 --> 00:03:07,252
British accents weren't
exactly taking off anyway.
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00:03:07,253 --> 00:03:10,422
We will now focus on taking
down the Miles display.
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00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:13,049
You will infiltrate the
store by getting jobs there
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00:03:13,050 --> 00:03:15,427
and changing the staff
pick, thereby giving me
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some semblance of sanctuary
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in this chili dump of a town.
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Did Miles do something to you?
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Did he get you fired from Harvard?
84
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:25,479
No, Miles just has this, um...
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00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,814
You know, he... he's like...
You know those people that...
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00:03:27,815 --> 00:03:30,108
He wears scarves. Indoors,
you know what I mean?
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00:03:30,109 --> 00:03:32,777
When he smiles it's
like, "Ehh..." You know?
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00:03:32,778 --> 00:03:34,446
You just wanna... It's just ehh...
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00:03:34,447 --> 00:03:36,239
You know, he's like one of those people.
90
00:03:36,240 --> 00:03:37,782
Look, do I need to go on,
or are you guys getting this?
91
00:03:37,783 --> 00:03:39,117
Couldn't you just find a sanctuary
92
00:03:39,118 --> 00:03:40,702
in a different part of the store?
93
00:03:40,703 --> 00:03:42,078
That seems easier than lashing out.
94
00:03:42,079 --> 00:03:43,622
Does everyone hear him the way I do?
95
00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,790
The grating tone? That's gonna be fatal
96
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in a job interview, bud.
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00:03:47,126 --> 00:03:49,586
Mr. Griffin, we can't get jobs.
98
00:03:49,587 --> 00:03:51,963
Yes, you can! Look, it's easy.
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00:03:51,964 --> 00:03:53,965
Couple of you get in, you flip the pic,
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00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:55,800
and then quit, for all I care.
101
00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:57,594
I mean, look, it's a minimum wage job.
102
00:03:57,595 --> 00:03:59,721
These things are designed
to be revolving door.
103
00:03:59,722 --> 00:04:03,642
So... who here has ever
been on a job interview?
104
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:06,144
Once my grandma asked me
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00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:08,439
to help her dig onions in the yard.
106
00:04:09,982 --> 00:04:11,483
Okay. We're gonna need some practice.
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[PHONE RINGS]
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[RINGING]
109
00:04:15,112 --> 00:04:17,031
[RINGING]
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00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:18,783
[RI... ]
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00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,327
- Hello?
- Hey, sorry to interrupt you.
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It's, uh, Principal Durbin from work.
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I was hoping to see you
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00:04:28,167 --> 00:04:29,668
in my office when you have a moment?
115
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:32,087
- How's now?
- How's... [LAUGHS]
116
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:33,755
Well, you're teaching a class.
117
00:04:33,756 --> 00:04:34,798
You can't literally mean now.
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00:04:34,799 --> 00:04:36,925
I'm on my way.
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00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,677
Well, you...
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00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:41,638
Heather, I want you to
take over for me, okay?
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00:04:41,639 --> 00:04:43,306
I want you to mock
interview all these people.
122
00:04:43,307 --> 00:04:45,934
You guys are gonna do great.
Just need a little work.
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00:04:45,935 --> 00:04:48,228
It's gonna work.
124
00:04:48,229 --> 00:04:51,022
That's your signature
scent. She can't...
125
00:04:51,023 --> 00:04:52,691
Ah... pffft! She can't
take that away from you.
126
00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:53,775
Now, scoot.
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00:04:53,776 --> 00:04:55,944
Sorry, the kids come first.
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00:04:55,945 --> 00:04:57,863
- You're Jack, right?
- Yes.
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00:04:57,864 --> 00:05:00,490
H.H. DeMarcus. I go by Helen.
130
00:05:00,491 --> 00:05:02,367
How was Harvard?
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00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:03,994
How was all of Harvard?
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00:05:03,995 --> 00:05:05,370
Uh...
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00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:07,330
let's go with good.
134
00:05:07,331 --> 00:05:09,040
If Durbin's available
now, I'd love to just...
135
00:05:09,041 --> 00:05:11,334
The annual bake sale is coming up,
136
00:05:11,335 --> 00:05:13,503
and all teachers have
to bring a baked good.
137
00:05:13,504 --> 00:05:16,548
I do cream puffs, and
people love 'em a lot.
138
00:05:16,549 --> 00:05:18,049
But the most important part
139
00:05:18,050 --> 00:05:20,218
is that we're raisin'
money for the school.
140
00:05:20,219 --> 00:05:22,512
And I'm gonna write down "Raisin' Money"
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00:05:22,513 --> 00:05:24,055
as a good cookie name.
142
00:05:24,056 --> 00:05:26,224
I write them down when they come to me.
143
00:05:26,225 --> 00:05:28,059
Now, you're getting off
easy because you're new,
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00:05:28,060 --> 00:05:30,103
so I'm just gonna give
you chocolate chip.
145
00:05:30,104 --> 00:05:31,688
I should have stopped
you so much earlier.
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00:05:31,689 --> 00:05:33,315
Why would I ever do that?
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00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:34,733
To show us how much Ram pride ya got!
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00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,067
Oh, I see. No, we're on the same page.
149
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:37,736
Put me down as a definite no.
150
00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:40,238
You haven't gotten
bitten by the Ram yet.
151
00:05:40,239 --> 00:05:42,240
- Guess not.
- Pam the Ram's comin' at ya.
152
00:05:42,241 --> 00:05:44,409
- Get ready!
- Oh, the ram's name is Pam?
153
00:05:44,410 --> 00:05:46,578
All rams are male.
154
00:05:46,579 --> 00:05:48,079
Pam's a trans ram.
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[LIGHT MUSIC]
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[WHISPERS] Yeah.
157
00:05:51,417 --> 00:05:53,418
Okay.
158
00:05:53,419 --> 00:05:55,754
Jack comin' in!
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00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:57,881
[BLUESY MUSIC]
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00:05:57,882 --> 00:05:59,925
[SIGHS] Time to pay the piper, Jack.
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00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,886
Wha... I love whatever this is.
162
00:06:02,887 --> 00:06:04,554
Is it something from a movie?
163
00:06:04,555 --> 00:06:06,765
It's a Mercedes ad. Print.
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00:06:06,766 --> 00:06:09,017
[ENGINE REVS] "Never compromise."
165
00:06:09,018 --> 00:06:10,936
Ah! Well, you are nailin' it.
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00:06:10,937 --> 00:06:12,896
So I'm all ears.
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00:06:12,897 --> 00:06:15,106
You gotta replace the school
sign that you wrecked, homeboy.
168
00:06:15,107 --> 00:06:17,442
Right? It was granite, very intricate,
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00:06:17,443 --> 00:06:19,444
very expensive work on the ram.
170
00:06:19,445 --> 00:06:24,115
Jack, this is on you, and I never...
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[CLICK] compromise.
172
00:06:26,452 --> 00:06:28,453
It's funny... I've been
meaning to bring this up myself.
173
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:31,623
See, my lawyers were asking
if the sign was far enough back
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00:06:31,624 --> 00:06:33,792
from the road, legally speaking.
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00:06:33,793 --> 00:06:37,462
And my neck has... [LAUGHS]
really been hurting.
176
00:06:37,463 --> 00:06:39,422
You see, the thing is...
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I also never compromise.
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And as... a man who does not compromise,
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I have to respect that.
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00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,473
And, um, I'm sure I can
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00:06:48,474 --> 00:06:50,642
trim some fat from the budget
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00:06:50,643 --> 00:06:53,353
and maybe find some
folks who, unlike us,
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00:06:53,354 --> 00:06:56,481
- are willing to compromise.
- Ah.
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00:06:56,482 --> 00:06:58,650
Ahh! Look alive, Whitlock!
185
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,361
Durbin's on the warpath!
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00:07:01,153 --> 00:07:02,612
[DOOR OPENS] All right, class,
187
00:07:02,613 --> 00:07:04,322
I'm back, so start to shut...
188
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,534
up.
189
00:07:08,828 --> 00:07:10,412
Hmm.
190
00:07:10,413 --> 00:07:13,290
Heather, you, uh, finish
those job interviews?
191
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:16,668
Yeah? Who'd ya hire?
192
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:19,671
Somebody had a lotta great
references maybe, huh?
193
00:07:19,672 --> 00:07:21,590
Maybe the boss' nephew.
194
00:07:25,010 --> 00:07:27,345
Yeah.
195
00:07:27,346 --> 00:07:29,097
That's what I thought.
196
00:07:29,098 --> 00:07:31,599
[LAUGHING] These damn textbooks!
197
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,144
You should all take a page
from how cool Dan Decker is.
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00:07:34,145 --> 00:07:35,395
You're not gonna see him
199
00:07:35,396 --> 00:07:36,479
thumbing through a biology textbook.
200
00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,273
Nobody gave me one yet.
201
00:07:38,274 --> 00:07:40,984
Nobody even gave him
one. How cool is that?
202
00:07:40,985 --> 00:07:42,652
You know what?
203
00:07:42,653 --> 00:07:44,362
Line up with your books
over here. Come on.
204
00:07:44,363 --> 00:07:45,780
Line up with your books, let's go.
205
00:07:45,781 --> 00:07:47,657
Now, you see all these open windows?
206
00:07:47,658 --> 00:07:50,160
Aaaaanybody wanna
guess what happens next?
207
00:07:50,161 --> 00:07:52,036
Mr. Griffin, we can't
throw out our books.
208
00:07:52,037 --> 00:07:53,455
What about the AP test?
209
00:07:53,456 --> 00:07:55,123
Oh, can we not throw out the books?
210
00:07:55,124 --> 00:07:56,624
[BOOK THUDS] Let's go.
211
00:07:56,625 --> 00:07:58,710
Toss 'em, guys, toss 'em.
212
00:07:58,711 --> 00:08:01,505
[THUDDING, BUSHES RUSTLING]
213
00:08:02,715 --> 00:08:05,133
Sarika Sarkar, you gonna be okay?
214
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:07,261
Not without my book, no.
215
00:08:09,221 --> 00:08:10,972
Whaaaaah! [THUD]
216
00:08:10,973 --> 00:08:12,390
- How'd you know?
- I didn't.
217
00:08:12,391 --> 00:08:14,642
I didn't... Hand to God, I did not know.
218
00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:16,269
Oh, man, I coulda really... [LAUGHING]
219
00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:17,437
I coulda really hurt you.
220
00:08:17,438 --> 00:08:19,856
Whoo! Oh, man.
221
00:08:19,857 --> 00:08:21,483
All right, I was gonna start
in on the interview prep,
222
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:23,067
but I don't think I can do it, man.
223
00:08:23,068 --> 00:08:25,195
But I could get arrested for
something like that, dude.
224
00:08:25,196 --> 00:08:27,238
[LAUGHING]
225
00:08:27,239 --> 00:08:30,074
Coach. Coach Novak, I need to, uh,
226
00:08:30,075 --> 00:08:32,869
talk to you about the budget.
227
00:08:32,870 --> 00:08:35,038
I need to you, uh...
228
00:08:35,039 --> 00:08:38,082
I need you to cut down on field chalk.
229
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,543
Can't be, you know,
touching that up every day.
230
00:08:40,544 --> 00:08:42,754
[AHEM] I'm not gonna compromise.
231
00:08:42,755 --> 00:08:44,756
I get it. We're on the same team.
232
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:46,091
Bu... R... really?!
233
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:47,592
But while we're talkin' budget,
234
00:08:47,593 --> 00:08:49,385
I need a new P.E. parachute.
235
00:08:49,386 --> 00:08:51,387
The old one got snagged
on a kid's belt buckle.
236
00:08:51,388 --> 00:08:53,056
He got whipped across the room,
237
00:08:53,057 --> 00:08:56,392
and his buckle gutted
that chute like a trout.
238
00:08:56,393 --> 00:08:58,395
- [ENGINE REVS]
- "Never compromise."
239
00:09:00,147 --> 00:09:01,648
First off, I need to know
240
00:09:01,649 --> 00:09:03,358
when students get
whipped across the gym.
241
00:09:03,359 --> 00:09:06,694
And secondly, I'm in cutting mode, so...
242
00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:08,613
Oh, I see. You headed
straight to P. E., huh?
243
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,115
Bottom of the totem pole.
244
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,784
Dick, I understand how crucial P.E. is.
245
00:09:12,785 --> 00:09:15,370
You know what I do here?
I tire out the boys!
246
00:09:15,371 --> 00:09:17,580
You realize what a
bunch of hopped-up boys
247
00:09:17,581 --> 00:09:20,458
who had full energy
would do to this school?
248
00:09:20,459 --> 00:09:22,460
I'll get you the parachute.
249
00:09:22,461 --> 00:09:25,088
Find a way to fix it.
250
00:09:25,089 --> 00:09:26,714
[LIGHT MUSIC]
251
00:09:26,715 --> 00:09:28,424
If I didn't tire out the boys,
252
00:09:28,425 --> 00:09:31,094
this school would be rubble by lunch!
253
00:09:31,095 --> 00:09:33,721
Remember, people, this is
for the bookstore interview.
254
00:09:33,722 --> 00:09:35,807
Posture. Eye contact.
255
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:37,600
And if I get the sense
you're not really trying,
256
00:09:37,601 --> 00:09:39,185
you get an F.
257
00:09:39,186 --> 00:09:43,023
I like big books, and I cannot lie.
258
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:46,317
I have a 4.125 GPA.
259
00:09:46,318 --> 00:09:48,111
Never talk about grades. No one cares.
260
00:09:48,112 --> 00:09:49,988
They have no impact on life.
261
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:50,989
Next!
262
00:09:50,990 --> 00:09:52,615
And greatest weakness?
263
00:09:52,616 --> 00:09:54,617
- My neck.
- Very literal.
264
00:09:54,618 --> 00:09:58,329
I couldn't even hold my head
up until I was five years old.
265
00:09:58,330 --> 00:09:59,789
The only job I've ever had
266
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:01,916
was babysitting my little brother.
267
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:03,501
Look, you guys are trying to
make a good impression here,
268
00:10:03,502 --> 00:10:05,128
so you're gonna have to straight-up lie.
269
00:10:05,129 --> 00:10:07,338
If you don't, someone
else will, so it's fine.
270
00:10:07,339 --> 00:10:09,174
It's called holistic consequentialism:
271
00:10:09,175 --> 00:10:11,676
the consequences are the
same either way, so...
272
00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,595
lying. Go!
273
00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,305
My dad is author Stephen King.
274
00:10:15,306 --> 00:10:17,307
I have a normal-strength neck.
275
00:10:17,308 --> 00:10:19,100
If I hear something behind me,
276
00:10:19,101 --> 00:10:21,144
I turn and look without effort.
277
00:10:21,145 --> 00:10:23,146
Well, I hope you're
all inheriting money,
278
00:10:23,147 --> 00:10:24,856
because you're completely unhirable.
279
00:10:24,857 --> 00:10:26,608
I have no choice but to
take a run at this myself,
280
00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:28,485
so get the hell outta my sight.
281
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:31,379
Now we don't have books?
282
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:34,383
We might lose a whole academic year.
283
00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,260
- We have to do something.
- But what?
284
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:37,804
He has all the power.
285
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,639
We should all show up at his house,
286
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,224
ambush him, and refuse to leave
287
00:10:41,225 --> 00:10:42,934
until he gives us our books back.
288
00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:44,227
- Who's in?
- I'm in.
289
00:10:44,228 --> 00:10:45,978
I wanna see a professor's house.
290
00:10:45,979 --> 00:10:48,981
I bet it's like the library
from "Beauty and the Beast."
291
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:50,817
We should ask Dan Decker.
292
00:10:50,818 --> 00:10:53,487
He's scary, but Mr. Griffin likes him.
293
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:02,203
[LIGHT MUSIC]
294
00:11:02,204 --> 00:11:04,372
- ♪ ♪
- _
295
00:11:04,373 --> 00:11:06,457
Where is that son of a...
296
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:09,168
[DISHES CLATTERING]
297
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:12,505
Jack, you are squeezing
that pen so hard.
298
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:13,631
What are you working on?
299
00:11:13,632 --> 00:11:15,842
- Revenge.
- Oh ho ho ho.
300
00:11:15,843 --> 00:11:17,426
- [GRUFFLY] "Revenge"!
- Somebody call Shonda!
301
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:19,136
- [HOARSELY] Revenge!
- Little too dramatic.
302
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,429
"Shonda"...
303
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,973
There he is!
304
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:23,933
Oh, God, not now, Helen, please.
305
00:11:23,934 --> 00:11:26,352
I... I'm working on a writing
project of great importance.
306
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,855
Exactly. You're a big
brainiac with these
307
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:31,524
big thoughts, and there's no
room in your head for cookies.
308
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:33,484
That's why I made it even easier for ya.
309
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:34,861
You know,
310
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,321
I'm not some absentminded
nutty professor
311
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:39,824
who's baffled by baking.
I simply don't wanna do it.
312
00:11:39,825 --> 00:11:43,369
"Nutty Professor" is the
perfect name for your cookies!
313
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,162
- [CACKLES]
- That maniac doesn't care
314
00:11:45,163 --> 00:11:46,372
about first impressions at all.
315
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:49,458
Okay. What? Iron out your panties, Jack.
316
00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:51,210
- Listen...
- Yes, Batman?
317
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:53,546
I do not bake cookies...
318
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,172
and I will never waver on that.
319
00:11:55,173 --> 00:11:57,884
- Look at his nostrils.
- Girl, they are flaring.
320
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,010
- Has anyone seen my mug?
- Which one.
321
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:00,386
My Michelle mug.
322
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,221
It's got my name on it, Michelle?
323
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,223
[RAPID PIANO NOTES OVER PHONE]
324
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,726
Thank you for calling
Bartholemew's Bookstore.
325
00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,061
We appreciate your call.
326
00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:12,064
[CLASSICAL PIANO MELODY CONTINUES]
327
00:12:14,278 --> 00:12:17,071
MILES: What is time? Why are we here?
328
00:12:17,072 --> 00:12:18,448
- I'm Miles Leonard...
- No.
329
00:12:18,449 --> 00:12:19,949
- Representative!
- Philosopher
330
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:21,409
- and MacArthur Genius.
- Representative!
331
00:12:21,410 --> 00:12:22,785
"The Question IS the Answer."
332
00:12:22,786 --> 00:12:25,121
- [GROANING]
- What is time?
333
00:12:25,122 --> 00:12:27,332
- Why are we here?
- [LAUGHING]
334
00:12:27,333 --> 00:12:29,125
I'm Miles Leonard, philosopher
335
00:12:29,126 --> 00:12:31,210
- and MacArthur Genius.
- [SCREAMING] Representative!
336
00:12:31,211 --> 00:12:32,920
"The Question IS the Answer."
337
00:12:32,921 --> 00:12:36,257
What is time? Why are we here?
338
00:12:36,258 --> 00:12:38,092
I'm Miles Leonard, Philosopher...
339
00:12:38,093 --> 00:12:40,720
- Oh, shut up!
- My book, "The Question
340
00:12:40,721 --> 00:12:42,096
IS the answer."
341
00:12:42,097 --> 00:12:46,142
[LIGHTLY EDGY MUSIC]
342
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:48,311
[SCREAMING] Representative!
343
00:12:48,312 --> 00:12:51,564
Let's go around back.
344
00:12:51,565 --> 00:12:53,399
Hello? Bartholemew's. Kyle speaking.
345
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,068
Hold on, I'm coming,
I'm coming, I'm coming!
346
00:12:55,069 --> 00:12:56,069
Hello?
347
00:12:57,154 --> 00:12:58,613
What do you mean, you don't get involved
348
00:12:58,614 --> 00:13:00,281
in regional staff pics? What if Cliff
349
00:13:00,282 --> 00:13:01,991
and his underlings picked "Mein Kampf"?
350
00:13:01,992 --> 00:13:04,661
You've never heard... Well,
it's Adolf Hitler's manifesto.
351
00:13:04,662 --> 00:13:06,537
You might wanna look it up.
352
00:13:06,538 --> 00:13:08,998
"Mein" is spelled like chow mein,
353
00:13:08,999 --> 00:13:10,833
"Kampf" is spelled
like camp. but with a K,
354
00:13:10,834 --> 00:13:12,251
and stick an F at the end.
355
00:13:12,252 --> 00:13:14,170
No, no, no, no, no, do-do-don't...
356
00:13:14,171 --> 00:13:16,130
What is time? Why are we here?
357
00:13:16,131 --> 00:13:17,840
- I'm Miles Leonard.
- [GRUNTS]
358
00:13:17,841 --> 00:13:20,760
We should leave. This
feels like an intrusion.
359
00:13:20,761 --> 00:13:23,096
Are you kidding? We can use this.
360
00:13:23,097 --> 00:13:25,473
- Ah!
- New plan. If this guy's
361
00:13:25,474 --> 00:13:27,684
gonna teach us, we need to help him.
362
00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:30,019
We can't take advantage of whatever...
363
00:13:30,020 --> 00:13:31,354
this is.
364
00:13:31,355 --> 00:13:34,190
[LIGHTLY EDGY MUSIC]
365
00:13:34,191 --> 00:13:35,608
Where are you going?
366
00:13:35,609 --> 00:13:37,276
Stick with the plan. He's vulnerable!
367
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:40,863
You guys are wimps! I
should have brought girls.
368
00:13:40,864 --> 00:13:42,741
Waaaah!
369
00:13:45,378 --> 00:13:46,378
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
370
00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:48,380
Okay, here he comes.
371
00:13:48,381 --> 00:13:49,715
Everybody remember, be gentle.
372
00:13:49,716 --> 00:13:51,050
This is a man on the edge.
373
00:13:51,051 --> 00:13:53,010
All right, everybody, pipe down.
374
00:13:53,011 --> 00:13:55,138
This plan's on life-support.
375
00:13:58,683 --> 00:14:00,017
Is this a Mormon school?
376
00:14:00,018 --> 00:14:02,019
No, silly!
377
00:14:02,020 --> 00:14:04,647
We're doing more interview
prep today, right, Sarika?
378
00:14:04,648 --> 00:14:06,774
Yeah. I'm psyched about it.
379
00:14:06,775 --> 00:14:10,027
- [LAUGHS]
- We made official resumes.
380
00:14:10,028 --> 00:14:12,446
I watched "Working Girl" last night.
381
00:14:12,447 --> 00:14:15,699
Guys, this is a massive
improvement in attitude.
382
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:18,786
- Ha.
- This is much more interesting than biology.
383
00:14:18,787 --> 00:14:21,038
Thank you. I... I hate knowledge.
384
00:14:21,039 --> 00:14:22,957
Don't imply that I hate knowledge,
385
00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:25,834
but, uh, yeah, why don't we
jump into some interview prep?
386
00:14:25,835 --> 00:14:29,047
Right off the bat, I am
seeing way too many bolo ties.
387
00:14:30,674 --> 00:14:31,924
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
388
00:14:31,925 --> 00:14:33,467
Durbin Outfitters!
389
00:14:33,468 --> 00:14:35,719
- Durbin Outfitters!
- Hel-lo!
390
00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:37,888
We heard you're giving out money...
391
00:14:37,889 --> 00:14:39,723
No! Who told you that? Is
that what people are saying?
392
00:14:39,724 --> 00:14:42,226
My kids need a monitor
for presentations.
393
00:14:42,227 --> 00:14:45,229
Mine need a microphone
also for presentations.
394
00:14:45,230 --> 00:14:47,064
And my kids need this technology
395
00:14:47,065 --> 00:14:49,316
where song lyrics pop up
at the bottom of the screen
396
00:14:49,317 --> 00:14:51,235
and there's like a waterfall
and a woman riding a horse.
397
00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:52,736
A... a karaoke machine?
398
00:14:52,737 --> 00:14:54,154
I can't buy you a karaoke machine!
399
00:14:54,155 --> 00:14:55,739
I'm looking for cuts!
400
00:14:55,740 --> 00:14:58,742
Come on, Durbs. The
staff karaoke machine
401
00:14:58,743 --> 00:15:01,495
has been broken for the
last three semesters.
402
00:15:01,496 --> 00:15:03,414
I know there's a song in you.
403
00:15:03,415 --> 00:15:05,874
I do a pretty good...
404
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:07,584
"Thriller," along with
the Vincent Price part.
405
00:15:07,585 --> 00:15:08,836
- [OVERLAPPING REACTIONS]
- Yes!
406
00:15:08,837 --> 00:15:11,964
- I knew it!
- [ALL OOHING]
407
00:15:11,965 --> 00:15:13,632
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- Gotta do it... I love it!
408
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:14,675
All right.
409
00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:18,012
[CHATTER FADING]
410
00:15:18,013 --> 00:15:19,930
[CLEARS THROAT]
411
00:15:19,931 --> 00:15:23,893
Oh, crud, I just bought
a karaoke machine.
412
00:15:25,353 --> 00:15:26,730
[ENGINE REVS]
413
00:15:27,772 --> 00:15:29,273
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
414
00:15:29,274 --> 00:15:33,068
Oh, geez. There's my sad little guy!
415
00:15:33,069 --> 00:15:34,445
Oh...
416
00:15:34,446 --> 00:15:36,864
- Whooooh!
- Oh, my God, what is this?
417
00:15:36,865 --> 00:15:38,902
- What are you doing?
- Oh, I'm tapped into your kids, Jack.
418
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:41,352
They told me what happened...
419
00:15:41,453 --> 00:15:44,621
how you microwaved that
fast food taco with lettuce.
420
00:15:44,622 --> 00:15:45,956
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
421
00:15:45,957 --> 00:15:47,875
- The kids were at my house?
- Yeah.
422
00:15:47,876 --> 00:15:50,461
They saw you drinking
and practicing punching,
423
00:15:50,462 --> 00:15:52,921
and they were worried you were having
424
00:15:52,922 --> 00:15:55,174
some kinda breakdown, so they
wanted to do something for you.
425
00:15:55,175 --> 00:15:56,717
That's the reason they went along
426
00:15:56,718 --> 00:15:58,135
with everything I said
today... out of pity?
427
00:15:58,136 --> 00:15:59,803
No. Ram pride!
428
00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:01,805
When one of our own has their horns
429
00:16:01,806 --> 00:16:04,308
stuck in that fence, we're there
430
00:16:04,309 --> 00:16:06,310
to pull 'em by the
caboose, and that is why
431
00:16:06,311 --> 00:16:08,145
you are off cookie duty.
432
00:16:08,146 --> 00:16:10,147
Because you're just
under too much strain.
433
00:16:10,148 --> 00:16:12,649
I'm under no strain at
all... my life is great, okay?
434
00:16:12,650 --> 00:16:14,485
And there is absolutely
nothing difficult
435
00:16:14,486 --> 00:16:15,986
about baking cookies.
436
00:16:15,987 --> 00:16:18,238
Sorry, pal, because it's a no.
437
00:16:18,239 --> 00:16:19,990
They would be blood cookies,
438
00:16:19,991 --> 00:16:21,992
paid for with your sanity.
439
00:16:21,993 --> 00:16:24,453
You're a ridiculous
person. I'm gonna go.
440
00:16:24,454 --> 00:16:26,497
[SOFTLY] Okay.
441
00:16:26,498 --> 00:16:28,999
I was pitied by a pack of dweebs?
442
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,002
[LIGHTLY EDGY MUSIC]
443
00:16:32,003 --> 00:16:33,545
♪ ♪
444
00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:36,715
Dan Decker. Are you part
of that dork recon team
445
00:16:36,716 --> 00:16:38,842
that's peeping in my windows?
446
00:16:38,843 --> 00:16:40,260
No.
447
00:16:40,261 --> 00:16:42,931
No one really loops me in on anything.
448
00:16:48,269 --> 00:16:50,187
You, uh... [CLEARS THROAT]
449
00:16:50,188 --> 00:16:52,523
always come out here and
eat lunch by yourself?
450
00:16:52,524 --> 00:16:54,358
Thought you'd be like on a team
451
00:16:54,359 --> 00:16:56,319
or part of a bully crew or something.
452
00:16:57,695 --> 00:17:01,198
Come on, man. What's the deal?
453
00:17:01,199 --> 00:17:03,158
I moved here from
Florida like a year ago,
454
00:17:03,159 --> 00:17:06,703
and I'm kinda not that
great at making friends.
455
00:17:06,704 --> 00:17:08,790
Can't even talk to the A. P. Bio kids.
456
00:17:10,375 --> 00:17:12,376
Is that Heather from class
and the body of Wonder Woman?
457
00:17:12,377 --> 00:17:13,544
No, no.
458
00:17:13,545 --> 00:17:15,045
It...
459
00:17:15,046 --> 00:17:16,755
You just gotta give
them something they want.
460
00:17:16,756 --> 00:17:19,091
You probably just have to
say the word "Dumbledore,"
461
00:17:19,092 --> 00:17:21,051
and they'd all high-five
each other and go nuts.
462
00:17:21,052 --> 00:17:24,221
But that's not really the path
I like for you anyway, man.
463
00:17:24,222 --> 00:17:26,640
I see you more as like a lone wolf.
464
00:17:26,641 --> 00:17:29,560
I mean, sure, people try to
rope you into their bake sales,
465
00:17:29,561 --> 00:17:31,812
but... take it from this guy.
466
00:17:31,813 --> 00:17:33,981
The life of a lone wolf
can be pretty sweet.
467
00:17:33,982 --> 00:17:36,024
Dude, I don't wanna be like you.
468
00:17:36,025 --> 00:17:37,360
Your life's a mess.
469
00:17:39,237 --> 00:17:41,238
My life's a mess?
470
00:17:41,239 --> 00:17:44,075
Y... you chose to eat next to trash!
471
00:17:50,971 --> 00:17:53,937
[CONTEMPLATIVE NOTES]
472
00:17:53,974 --> 00:17:56,643
♪ ♪
473
00:17:57,477 --> 00:18:00,562
[UPBEAT PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
474
00:18:00,563 --> 00:18:07,612
♪ ♪
475
00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:13,118
Hey, where do you think
you're going with that?
476
00:18:13,785 --> 00:18:15,452
Hey... hey!
477
00:18:15,453 --> 00:18:17,746
♪ No good, do no good ♪
478
00:18:17,747 --> 00:18:19,665
♪ And, well, it's true ♪
479
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:22,334
♪ 'Cause they never do
what you want 'em to ♪
480
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:26,588
♪ 'Cause people, they're no good ♪
481
00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:30,843
♪ Oh, no, they're no good at meetings ♪
482
00:18:30,844 --> 00:18:33,470
♪ When they come out to play ♪
483
00:18:33,471 --> 00:18:36,890
♪ And they're no good for bookings ♪
484
00:18:36,891 --> 00:18:39,893
♪ 'Cause we can't make 'em stay, hey ♪
485
00:18:39,894 --> 00:18:42,855
[VOCIFERATING]
486
00:18:42,856 --> 00:18:47,985
♪ ♪
487
00:18:47,986 --> 00:18:49,695
This is a croquembouche.
488
00:18:49,696 --> 00:18:52,781
much like your cream
puffs, but more impressive.
489
00:18:52,782 --> 00:18:56,660
It is you who will have
the mental breakdown, Helen.
490
00:18:56,661 --> 00:18:59,830
This is a one-time exception.
Write down everything I say
491
00:18:59,831 --> 00:19:02,791
right now. First, never
dress like this again.
492
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:05,461
Second, I took down
the Miles cutout myself.
493
00:19:05,462 --> 00:19:07,546
I've been banned from
the bookstore for life,
494
00:19:07,547 --> 00:19:09,381
but... that's okay.
495
00:19:09,382 --> 00:19:11,050
The only true sanctuary
I'll have in this town
496
00:19:11,051 --> 00:19:13,343
is between these two ears right here.
497
00:19:13,344 --> 00:19:16,513
Third, and finally, never pity me.
498
00:19:16,514 --> 00:19:18,390
Did any of you go to Harvard?
499
00:19:18,391 --> 00:19:21,018
Have any of you slept with 24 women?
500
00:19:21,019 --> 00:19:23,854
What you saw when you
trespassed on my property
501
00:19:23,855 --> 00:19:25,022
was a man who eats what he wants,
502
00:19:25,023 --> 00:19:26,190
drinks what he wants,
503
00:19:26,191 --> 00:19:29,401
wears... what he wants.
504
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,154
It is a lifestyle most high
school kids would kill for.
505
00:19:32,155 --> 00:19:35,240
It's sad to me that you can't see that.
506
00:19:35,241 --> 00:19:37,367
The only embarrassing part of my day
507
00:19:37,368 --> 00:19:40,746
is the 55 minutes I have to spend here.
508
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:44,041
[LIGHT QUIRKY MUSIC]
509
00:19:44,042 --> 00:19:45,876
♪ ♪
510
00:19:45,877 --> 00:19:48,253
One more thing, though.
511
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:51,090
Does anyone have anything to say about
512
00:19:51,091 --> 00:19:52,758
Dumbledore?
513
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:55,761
- Well, actually...
- Dumbledore was clearly...
514
00:19:55,762 --> 00:19:58,013
[OVERLAPPING COMMENTS]
515
00:19:58,014 --> 00:19:59,598
Pipe down! Stop!
516
00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,725
Stop. Pipe down, pipe down.
517
00:20:01,726 --> 00:20:04,311
One at a time. Let's start with... Dan.
518
00:20:04,312 --> 00:20:05,939
You have the floor.
519
00:20:13,571 --> 00:20:14,613
[CLICK]
520
00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,281
[LIGHTLY EDGY MUSIC]
521
00:20:16,282 --> 00:20:18,450
If you're so embarrassed
to teach this class,
522
00:20:18,451 --> 00:20:19,952
Miles is probably the last person
523
00:20:19,953 --> 00:20:21,703
you want getting that picture.
524
00:20:21,704 --> 00:20:24,916
He won't, if you give
the bio textbooks back.
525
00:20:26,209 --> 00:20:29,294
Like you said: Give them what they want.
526
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:32,881
♪ ♪
527
00:20:32,882 --> 00:20:35,051
Ha.
528
00:20:36,302 --> 00:20:38,971
One chapter. Of my choosing.
529
00:20:38,972 --> 00:20:40,973
From the middle of the book.
530
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,224
- All right, Dan!
- Way to go, Dan!
531
00:20:42,225 --> 00:20:45,937
- Yeah, Dan!
- All right, Dan.
532
00:20:46,938 --> 00:20:48,438
[CRUNCH]
533
00:20:48,439 --> 00:20:50,816
You're rooted. You're rooted, okay?
534
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:53,652
No compromise. [CLEARS THROAT]
535
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:56,822
Hey, Jack, I am done compromising.
536
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:59,283
Now, we have blown way
past the sign on this one.
537
00:20:59,284 --> 00:21:01,410
Your class's lab equipment
is due to be upgraded,
538
00:21:01,411 --> 00:21:03,453
but you're just gonna
have to do without.
539
00:21:03,454 --> 00:21:05,747
- Sounds good.
- Sounds g... Really?
540
00:21:05,748 --> 00:21:07,958
You can do that, and you're not
gonna shortchange the students?
541
00:21:07,959 --> 00:21:10,169
Won't affect the lesson plan at all.
542
00:21:10,170 --> 00:21:14,298
♪ ♪
543
00:21:14,299 --> 00:21:15,757
[LAUGHS]
544
00:21:15,758 --> 00:21:17,634
[MUTTERING]
545
00:21:17,635 --> 00:21:19,971
[AHEM] Never compromise.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:10,00
by LiviuBoss
39670
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