Original subtitles

Scorpion season.

LOS ESPOOKYS

Good morning, father.

Is it 5 p.m. already?

You're up early.

Where's my beautiful sweet cousin Beatriz?

She's at her party.

Oh. Yeah, you made her that dress.

You two have been getting so close.

She's inspiring you to create, giving you purpose.

But, I'm sorry, did you say that

she's at that party wearing that dress you made her?

Yeah.

I'm confused.

Did you make two of them or…

is she at the party wearing a different dress?

She loved this dress.

Why would she just leave it?

Maybe because she doesn't wanna wear something made by an

untalented, uncreative,

pathetic good-for-nothin'.

Does everybody think that?

Yeah, I checked with everybody.

A new poll shows that President De La Guardia

has grown his 90-point lead

into a 92-point lead over his opponent Teresa Lobos,

who is losing support one cousin at a time.

Can her final speech help her bounce back and win?

We don't think so. As a quick reminder,

we here at Mira Esto support the status quo and all its demons.

God bless President De La Guardia.

And when we return,

a little boy who has been swallowing coins his whole life

is now worth millions.

His parents now face a great moral dilemma

as their son is worth more dead

than alive.

Ursula, holy shit.

I think I know why I've been having visions of Karina.

She was having an affair with De La Guardia.

I am almost certain that he killed her!

That man can't win!

Poor girl. That must be why she hasn't crossed over.

We have to do something.

Tati, you can come in.

- You can see me? - Jesus.

I'm meeting with Teresa in an hour. Come with me.

There's gotta be something we can do. We just need to figure out what.

I think I should go, too,

because if Renaldo goes, then it's kind of like an Espookys gig,

and since I'm a member of Los Espookys,

I think Mayor Teresa would think it's weird

that I'm not there.

Alright. Let's all go then.

Okay, I just need one second to wash my eyes.

Wow, they're really dirty! I saw lot of things last night.

You take, and take, and take,

and never put effort into anything.

Andrecito, you're a grown-up now.

Andrés, you must fend for yourself.

Dude, I help you with whatever you need,

but are you ever gonna be self-sufficient?

You keep asking me for favors,

but friendships go both ways.

I wish I knew why everyone is mad at me.

Intruder.

Halt!

What are you doing here?

Well, I was feeling sad and lonely, so I started kicking this can.

I guess when you do that, it leads you to an abandoned lighthouse.

May I come in?

Fine. Come in.

So all I wanted was for my friends to

kick out the people who live in their homes

so I could stay there comfortably.

Well, I think that…

I mean, sure, they offered to let me stay with them,

but I'm not going to sleep on some couch.

I think the best thing to do…

Excuse me, I'm trying to talk but you keep interrupting my monologue.

Listen, a conversation is when two people or more

take turns talking and listening to each other.

And when the other person is talking, you're absorbing what they're saying,

and maybe even thinking about what you're gonna say in reply.

Even if what you're thinking has nothing to do

with what they're saying, well, you can ease into it

with a "that's so interesting because for me…"

and then say whatever you wanna say. You have to at least

acknowledge that the other person was speaking

But I don't want to listen to other people.

I want them to listen to me, the important person.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices and do things you don't wanna do.

So what you're saying is that sometimes

I have to listen to other people,

even if I don't care what they have to say because friendship…

is about more…

than Andrés.

That's so interesting because for me,

friendship is about peop…

I'm so glad you guys are here.

I know how I'm going to win this election.

With all due respect, Teresa, you don't know anything.

This final speech is your last hope.

De La Guardia still has a 92% lead.

Who cares? Those are just numbers.

Yeah, like 2, 14, 105, 206.

Sure, okay. Hold on. Here's the deal.

This speech is your last chance to convince people to vote for you.

How about if halfway through your speech a were wolf appears in the crowd

and takes a small child, played by Tati,

He's about to eat her when suddenly, you pull out a crossbow,

kill the werewolf, and save the child.

Or you can take it to go. It comes with your choice of rice or salad.

Or you can talk about your plan to eradicate homelessness

by creating affordable housing that the government will fund

by taxing big American corporations.

The American ambassador is your ally now.

You know what?

I love the werewolf idea,

but I have another plan in motion.

Everyone loves this tube to on me.

In fact, people stop me on the street and say,

"Excuse me, Mayor, but I love your tube top."

When the entire nation sees me wearing this tube top,

they're going to know who to vote for.

But there's one problem. The problem with a top like this

is that I can't deliver the entire speech

without having to pull it up to readjust it.

And let's just say that pulling up a tube top is…

Let's admit it… not very presidential

because it shows that I don't have everything under control.

So, when I'm giving my speech, you guys will fake an eclipse.

That way, when everyone puts on their glasses and

looks up at the eclipse,

I can pull up my tube top without anyone seeing.

Let's talk about the werewolf idea again.

I think I didn't explain it very well.

No, no, no, no. The problem is I already paid journalists

to tell everyone there will be an eclipse during my speech

Why didn't you consult me about this plan?

I did consult you. I called you and Tati answered.

"Hello, welcome to Tati…"

And she said you could do an eclipse.

Yeah, we've done it a million times.

Tati, when have we ever done an eclipse?

I don't know how we're going to do this. I don't know if we can pull it off.

I know how we can do this. I know how we can pull it off.

Andrés, not now.

Let me try. You know I can.

Fine.

- Hi, Moon. How's it going? - Hello.

- Everything good? - Yes.

So glad to hear that. Listen,

I urgently need an eclipse.

I didn't get a selfie with the Comet.

The Comet came and went, and I didn't get to meet them.

You promised you'd introduce us.

How embarrassing. I looked so stupid.

So, no, I'm not going to walk over to the Sun and block her.

You know what?

Take this.

I know how much you like it.

Are you sure?

Yes, yes, yes, I'm sure.

I know this doesn't fix anything, but I hope it shows you how sorry I am.

That little earring has shielded me from feeling guilty

about my actions my whole life.

I can't keep being selfish. So I want you, the Moon,

to have it for your… ear.

Yes, I, the Moon, want this for my ear.

Wait a moment. I'll be right back.

Hi, Andrés. I didn't know you were here.

- Hello, Saturn. How are you? - Good.

- Can I ask you a question? - Yes, of course.

What do you think of me?

You're Andrés Valdez. You're fantastic and fabulous.

No but seriously, what do you think of me?

You're horrible and selfish,

and everything you have has been given to you.

Also, nobody invited you here.

So, I talked to the people from the solar department,

and I guess the Sun is really busy right now

because of Scorpio season and everything.

Also, eclipses require a lot of paperwork,

and the printer is not working.

Plus, we'd need my supervisor's signature,

who's unfortunately on maternity leave.

Well, not unfortunately because we're all very happy for her.

But it will take a while.

We can get started with the paperwork, and she can review it when she's back.

When do you need the eclipse?

Tomorrow.

Oh no, Andrecito. These things take months.

But I can full again if that would help.

No, no. Thank you.

- Here. - No, keep it.

Seriously.

I couldn't do it. I tried, but I couldn't.

Apparently creating an eclipse involves a lot of bureaucracy and paperwork,

and the printer in space is not working right now.

But seriously, I tried. I even gave the Moon my earring,

but it didn't work.

You gave the Moon your earring for us?

Well, we need to think of a plan B to make this eclipse happen.

Hey, Frutsi. There you go, baby.

Everyone's gonna think you're gay.

Hello!

Hi, is this Sonia?

Who the fuck is this?

It's Isabella Rossellini.

I'm trying to purchase a domain for my website,

isabellarossellini.com,

and it seems that you own it.

Two million dollars.

Two million dollars?

This is insane!

I have a friend who designs very cool websites,

and this was gonna be a hub everything Isabella.

You know, interviews, red carpets, movies…

Don't do this.

Four million dollars.

Four million dollars? You know what?

Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you!

Yes, you heard me! Fuck you!

Go fuck off!

isabellarosselliniactress.com.

That's available.

Nobody's gonna find this fucking website.

God, so many little things in the sand.

Wait. Why are you going to paint it black?

Well, we're not making the moon. We're making the eclipse.

What color is an eclipse?

Please stop looking at the eclipse. You're gonna hurt your eyes.

But what causes an eclipse is the moon, which is gray.

Well, yeah, but when you see an eclipse you see a black sphere, no?

But anything backlit will look black.

Also, it looks nothing like the Moon.

I still don't know which color I'm supposed to use.

They taste the same to me.

Well, how about we let the boss decide?

Smile, Tati. It's a photo.

- How are you feeling? Are you ready? - Yes.

You're still 92 points down.

People will go to the polls as soon as this is over,

so everything depends on this speech.

You mean everything depends on the eclipse.

The speech is good. It's one of Barack Obama's speeches.

But it doesn't matter because no one is going to be listening to me.

They're all going to be looking at my tube top.

Remember, my tube top will be slowing riding down the whole time,

and when you start to see the head of the Tweety Bird tattoo,

that's when the eclipse has to happen. Got it?

I hope this works.

Water Shadow, do you know how to use Photoshop?

I played around with it a little.

I just got off the phone with that Espookys girl.

We're gonna need to post something about an eclipse on Yipi! ASAP!

Teresa! Teresa! Teresa!

Hello, Minnesota!

Michelle and I know raising two daughters is no easy task,

and I wouldn't be here tonight without

the support of the nation's next First Lady,

Michelle Obama.

Now!

Wow. Look, an eclipse.

That doesn't look like an eclipse.

I literally just told you it's an eclipse.

It really does look like an eclipse.

I got this on Yipi!

I wish I was home so I could watch the eclipse on TV.

Dad, I don't see the eclipse.

It's on the TV. Look.

Come on, kids, let's watch the eclipse on TV!

Let's go! Hurry up!

- Yes! - That's my girl!

And that is change we can believe in.

I love that tube top on her.

She looks stunning in it!

Thank you people of Minnesota.

Teresa! Teresa! Teresa!

Hopefully it worked.

We are and always will be the United States of America.

The final election results are expected any moment now

with the incumbent predicted to win in a landslide.

- You know what? Pour me two shots. - Why two?

Well, one if I win… and one if I lose.

Okay.

The polls have officially closed,

and the votes have been manually counted one by one.

To everyone's surprise,

the winner is Mayor Teresa Lobos.

I love you! I love you all!

Cheers!

Careful, Madame President. You have to work tomorrow!

- Tomorrow? - Yes.

What are you talking about? Let's not work tomorrow!

No work tomorrow!

No work tomorrow! No work tomorrow! No work tomorrow!

No work tomorrow. No work tomorrow.

What a happy moment.

I think this is the perfect time to remind everyone that,

even though she's not as bad as the ex-President,

she's still pretty bad.

Who cares? Let's enjoy it for now. We did it.

We'll never have to see those horrible silhouettes again.

Yeah. And the best part is that Karina

we finally be able to cross over to the other side.

and we're all going to get a personal pizza.

If I'm understanding this correctly, dedication and selfless work

has brought happiness to you and the people you care about.

You know what?

I'm going to go reflect.

I'm gonna go to the bathroom to clean my knees.

When I was on the bike, a driver opened his door and hit me.

- On the stationary bike? - Yeah.

Ursula, do you realize that this is the first time

she's ever left us alone with her purse?

Nevermind.

"Splish splash," said the sea. "I am so old," said the man.

And then Tico valeted again.

Tico valeted again…

valet parking.

I wanted to thank you.

Karina?

How is this possible?

Oh.

Did you think I was dead because I had an anchor through my chest?

Because I kept appearing and disappearing?

And because I have a tombstone?

- Yes. - Oh, no.

Look, what happened was that I was having an affair with the President,

and I wanted to go public with it.

In order to silence me, he drugged me,

kidnapped me, and faked my death.

I know it sounds really bad, but

while I was kidnapped,

I go to model for those sexy silhouettes.

It was a dream come true because

modeling is my passion.

Well, now that the President lost, you're free. You can go.

No. Because you helped make sure he lost,

he doesn't have to work anymore

and can spend more time with me.

He's actually a really sweet guy.

We're going to run away together.

- After all he did to you? - Yes!

Oh my God. Don't look at me like that.

You're starting to sound like my mom,

my therapist, and all my close friends.

It's fine. I know what I'm doing.

He loves me.

No, no, no. That doesn't sound like love.

But look, I mean… whatever, it doesn't matter.

I can't believe I spent all this time trying to help you for this.

Yeah.

Thank you so much.

You were the only one who was willing to sacrifice so much time and energy for me.

I've been watching you for several weeks.

and you're really good at doing things for other people.

Goodbye, Renaldo.

Oho, and Renaldo…

You can tell Miss Panama

that I'm keeping the blue Zara sweater.

I'm sorry, Miss Natalie Portman,

but if you want that domain, you're gonna have to pay.

I know. It's crazy.

Sonia, I think I need my bed tonight.

Listen, Black Swan, I'll call you right back, okay?

What the fuck do you think you're doing?

I'm going to sleep in my own bed tonight.

No, you're not!

I need it! For my beauty sleep!

'Cause I need it for self-care.

I need it for my self-care.

Are you saying that your needs are more important than mine?

Yeah, that's right.

Congratulations for not saying

a bitch-ass thing for the first time in your life.

You can have the bed.

Thought it was a water bed.

Good night, cousin.

So, instead of the customer looking for their own parking,

they bring me their car keys.

I give them a little ticker, and then I park their car.

When they want their car back, they give me the little ticket,

and I go get their car.

But how do we know you're not going to run away with the car?

Who are you?

I'm Tico.

Oh, okay, Tico. Let's give this a try.

I trust you.

What do you call this?

Valet parking.

We're here.

Is this the right address?

- Renaldo, Ursula, Tati! - Hey!

Come in. Come into my new mansion.

Damn!

Holy shit, dude.

How did you manage to get a house like this?

Well, Renaldo, I learned a very valuable lesson.

I learned that if you're born rich

it's really easy to become rich again,

because the systems that made sure you were rich in the first place

make sure you're always rich.

So, all I needed to do was call my lawyer,

who made me sign a few documents that I didn't understand,

and now I guess I own a… it's like…

Oh, you! He'll know.

Hi, how are you?

Pleasure to meet you. What do I do for a living?

You own a company that imports valves from foreign manufacturers

and sells them to wholesale distributors and business-to-business customers.

Okay, so that. That's what I do.

Hell yeah!

Are you proud of me, Ursula?

No, not really, but your house is beautiful.

Thank you. All I heard was my house is beautiful.

Andrés, is there a spare room?

For what?

I need some privacy.

Excuse me.