Original subtitles

Subtitles by explosiveskull www.OpenSubtitles.org

In this life, when all our needs can be accessed

by the push of a button,

the only something we crave is someone.

Michael, this is Amber, Carolina.

Yeah, I've got a card.

Hey, what's up?

So that's how I first bumped into Rosie.

There was just something in her eyes that charmed me.

Obviously it was love at first sight.

Perhaps more so for me.

I'm Michael.

Rosie.

I'll pay for your wife's dry cleaning.

She's not my wife.

No, we just met today.

Although we were having a conversation.

So you're not married?

If you send me your CV I'll pass it in

to some people in work.

Do it first thing.

So, I'm gonna get a drink.

Do you want one?

Sure.

♪ Two or three cars parked under the stars ♪

♪ A winding stream ♪

♪ Moon shining down on some little town ♪

♪ And with each beam ♪

♪ Same old dream ♪

♪ I peeped through the crack ♪

♪ Looked at the track ♪

♪ The one going back to you ♪

♪ And what did I do ♪

♪ I thought about you ♪

Know any jokes?

Italian guy goes into Deed Poll,

says he wants to change his name. He goes up to the counter,

he says "I wanna change a my name!

"I wanna change a my name!"

And the woman says, "Why do you wanna change your name?"

He says "I just wanna change my name,

"just let me change a my name!"

The woman says, "Okay, I can help you.

"What's your last name?"

And he says "A-Richie."

And the woman says, "That's quite a nice last name, Richie.

"Why do you wanna change it?"

And he says "I wanna change my name,

"just let me change a my name."

What's your first name?

And he says, "My balls-a!

"My balls-a!"

Did you get it?

I get it, it's just terrible.

But I better go.

Magic trick?

I'll show you a magic trick.

Sit down.

Which one?

This one.

- You sure? - Yeah.

- Positive? - Yeah.

Okay.

Faster this time.

Okay.

You sure?

Woo-ah.

Which one?

You sure, positive?

I'm gonna make you a deal.

I'm gonna give you one more chance.

Tell me a joke and impress me.

If I laugh, I'm yours for the weekend.

No laugh, I'm gone.

One joke?

Mm-hmm.

All right.

Well, since I'm already good with accents.

Two Mexicans...

All right, I've got one for you.

When was the last time you had sex?

With someone else or myself?

Either.

Last week.

With someone?

Last year.

Wow, last year.

Yes.

But I didn't, you know, so does that count?

Some guys are really selfish, aren't they?

I never do.

Yeah, that's weird.

It's no weird.

Do you?

Every time.

Every single time.

I'm a guy.

Always?

Yeah.

Hand jobs?

Yeah.

- Blow jobs? - Yeah.

- Punch tube sex? - Yes.

Cheeky finger in the ass?

Well, finger and thumb.

Really?

Yeah, but not with those nails.

Just never do.

I've got very good at faking it when I can't be bothered.

Go on then.

Give me your best can't be bothered fake orgasm.

Okay.

Is that it?

Yeah.

Now you know what to look out for.

It's not very Meg Ryan, is it?

So why are you single at 35?

Cheeky.

I'm 31.

And...

I don't know why I'm single.

No one will have you.

Well, if you must know, I have a really small cock.

- Really? - Yeah.

I could kinda tell by the way you walked.

It's like a baby's toe.

But so what, right, because, you know,

size doesn't matter.

You girls lie about that.

Mmm.

All right, would you rather

have someone with a teeny wee cock,

or someone with a massive ding dong?

I mean on an extreme scale.

A one or a 10?

10 when it's hard?

Yeah.

Girth?

Just answer.

A 10, I think.

Really?

Then at least you could put it in a bit.

Well, you could put a one in a bit.

Is it 10 when it's soft?

Because then it'd have a bulge,

and people would look.

And is he rank?

I mean.

- He's a grower, not a shower. - Okay, yeah 10.

Would you rather a girl with a really big fanny

or a really small fanny?

Clam's pocket, mouse's asshole?

Which one are you?

In between.

- Really? - Yeah.

Like a five?

Maybe a, yeah.

You look about a five.

- You'll find out later. - Right.

You can measure it.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Okay.

Centimetres, or are you like American scale

or English scale?

Oh no, English scale.

Is that inches or centimetres?

We'll go centimetres.

Good.

If you said inches, I probably wouldn't.

Okay, sure.

My ear.

Really?

Wow, why is that?

Because when people cum in my eyes, they swell up.

The people?

My eyes.

It'd be easy to wash out.

I would've thought ears are easier 'cause it's open.

No.

It's just weird.

It's like they're creeping into my brain.

So why are you single?

Because I'm too good for everyone.

I don't know.

Why is anyone single?

I guess part of me chooses to be single,

and the other part hasn't found anyone

who makes me not want to be single anymore.

Look, before I come back to yours.

- Presumptuous. - Well, I won the bet,

so before I come back to yours

I have a confession.

I lied to you.

Girlfriend.

No, no.

- Wife? - No.

Kids?

You live with your parents?

No, no, no, no.

I lied when I said I always cum from blowjobs.

And is it yours or hers?

Do you not direct her, or I mean grab her hair, and...

Really?

Wow.

I mean it's not that I don't like it.

I mean, God, the idea alone is you know.

I think maybe there's an element of guilt or selfishness.

You know, and what do I do with my hands,

and do I thrust.

And then when I'm about to, you know, do I warn her

so she can dodge it and get out of the way.

And then, of course, there's the awkwardness

of spitting or swallowing.

Never feel guilty.

If she doesn't want you to cum

she'll just do it a bit and then sit on you.

But is she obliging?

I mean how much fun is she really gonna have?

If she doesn't wanna do it, she won't do it.

And direct her, grab her hair a bit, thrust a bit.

Let her know that what she's doing is working.

Always tell her you're going to cum.

Trust me, it's sexy.

And if she's a decent enough girl, she'll swallow.

While I'm giving you advice,

if you're gonna use jokes to pull girls,

you need better jokes.

Lucky for you I have a really good joke.

Right.

And I'm willing to entrust you with it.

What is a gay shark's theme tune?

Dun un.

Dun un.

Dun un.

Dun un nun nun nun

nun nun nun nun.

See, it'll work.

I'm not using that.

Why not?

The girls will love it.

Baby blues?

Yep.

Okay.

Sorry.

It's okay.

You wanna get a drink or something?

No, I'm good to go.

Baby.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Baby, quickly quickly quickly.

What's wrong?

- What's wrong? - Wake up.

- Baby. - What?

- Look, quickly. - What?

Quickly, quickly, quickly, quickly.

- What's wrong. - Look, look, look.

Baby, I love you.

I love you.

Baby.

Baby, sit up.

Baby.

Baby, look.

What, baby?

What?

Baby.

I need grandkids whilst I'm still young enough

to pick them up without my hip going.

It's been a hell of a year.

I thought you might think it was too soon.

Who cares?

You love her, right?

So who cares?

Did you know I proposed to your mother

the first night I met her?

I mean, she didn't say yes, but I did.

And what if she had said yes?

Then I'd have married her sooner,

but I knew, I knew so I asked.

Do you know?

You know, Rosie does this thing when we go for pizza.

She cuts the centre out and she eats that up first,

'cause she figures when she has a slice it dips at the end

and all the toppings fall off.

God, that drives me insane, but I love it.

Then you know.

Yeah, Mom would have liked her.

I'm sure she would.

I miss her.

So do I.

Hey darling.

Hey Michael.

You look well.

How's Rosie?

She's good, thanks.

Well, we still have to have you over.

I'd like to meet her.

That's a wonderful idea.

I thought it'd been fun, you know, to double date.

Yeah, I...

Oh, you know how these things are.

I'm such a scatter brain.

I probably sent it to the wrong person.

You about set?

Sure am, darling.

I'll get the car.

My boy, life is a difficult journey,

and one we should share with someone.

Your mother was, is, everything that ever mattered to me.

This, Jeanine, is companionship.

I hope Steven cooked.

Let me show you a trick.

Come on, come on, let me show you a trick. One trick.

Hang on, hold your hands up.

I'm gonna show you the flying lip lock.

Flying lip lock.

What?

Just.

- Should be. - What are you gonna do?

Should be all right.

Right, ready?

Michael, don't be an idiot.

Ready, on three.

A flying lip lock.

I'm scared.

One, two, three.

Such an idiot.

Come on.

So, it's dress up day at school tomorrow,

and we've gotta go either as superheros or spots.

Or?

Spots.

Spots?

Spots.

So, we were trying to think of superheros

that come in groups of three, and what?

I mean there's Charlie's Angles.

Meh.

So, then we thought of the power puff girls, right.

Oh, nice.

But the thing is there's one with dark hair,

and a ginger one and a blonde one,

and Sareeta's Indian so she can't go as the blonde one.

So, anyway, we thought we'll go as spots,

and I raided the arts cupboard,

and I found all this like really cool spotty material.

Ew.

And I've made these like wrist things

and neck things and masks,

so I'm gonna go as a hot spot,

and Maria's gonna be beauty spot,

and Sareeta's gonna be spot the difference,

which is weird, but she's weird,

so I think it's gonna be okay.

How's Vicky?

She's okay.

Bit clumsy.

She was two hours late for her shift last week.

She's okay.

She doesn't sound okay.

Couldn't you get someone else?

Why would I wanna do that?

Punters love her.

She's a flirt and easy on the eye.

She didn't seem that easy on the eye

when I was in during the week.

Did you not see her rack?

There's only one way they're gonna go, mate.

In my face.

South.

Give it a few years, those puppies

will be down below her knees.

Steven!

There was no love in that voice.

Would you rather smell an old man's asshole

or lick his armpit?

Okay.

Would you rather lick an old man's fungled gout foot,

or take a shot of his sperm?

Okay, would you rather

go over to Michael Barrymore's house

where he'll give you one pill, lasts 12 hours

and you don't know what happens?

Or dress up like a 12-year Thai girl

and go to Gary Glitter's house?

Okay, okay.

Would you rather have a baboon's ass,

and it has to be on show,

or a cow's udder, also has to be on show?

Are people gonna milk me?

No.

No milking or bumming.

I mean I think I'd rather have my udder out

than my ass.

Udder, definitely.

I quite like milk, actually.

He wouldn't come near me when I was breastfeeding.

No one's going for the ass?

All right, fuck it, I'll go for the ass.

I was on the fence anyway.

Okay, I got a great one.

Would you rather suck your own Dad's cock

or have another of Celia's home cooked meal?

That's not funny.

Cock, cock.

Cock, cock, cock, cock, cock.

Stop it.

I've got one.

Would you rather have sex with someone really gorgeous,

but never come,

or have sex with someone disgusting

and have the most amazing orgasm?

Okay, but how can you have an orgasm

with someone you're not attracted to?

Easy.

So, this is a deep one.

Would you rather only ever fall in love with frogs

or never fall in love at all ever?

I'd love a frog.

Yeah, I'm with you, mate.

Freaky froggy sex.

Oh twat.

Yeah, but I found my frog and I kissed her

and she became the beautiful princess that I always wanted.

Twat.

Oh, what would I do without you?

I'd be okay.

No you wouldn't.

You'd fall apart without her.

Would you?

Of course I would.

Of course he would.

Anyone ever hurt you, they'd be a dead man.

Really?

Yeah.

And I'd kill for you too.

Sorry, sorry.

You'd kill somebody?

You'd ruin your life?

Yeah, and what then?

Spend the rest of your life in prison?

So what does it matter?

Yeah, what does it matter where I spend

what was left of my life?

Well...

I wouldn't go to prison for you.

I would.

Food would be better.

No!

Cock, cock, cock!

Oh, you assholes.

Come on, we better be going.

Got an early start tomorrow.

Really?

Yeah, I've got a 2:00 p.m. with Casper.

Ugh, that's ridiculous.

It's not ridiculous.

The guy has a crush on you, that's all.

There's no need to berate him.

Besides, can you blame him?

Hmm?

Michael thinks I'm overreacting.

You are overreacting.

He's not the first person to have a crush on you

and I'm sure he won't be the last.

Casper, take a seat.

Thanks, Rosie.

You look nice.

Casper, how's it all going?

Yeah, yeah, really good, thanks.

Feel like you're fitting in okay?

Yeah, yeah, I really like it here.

Casper.

I like what you done with your hair. It's darker.

Casper.

I like the new fringe.

Casper, I've reported you.

Why, what for?

I've reported you to HR.

You're making me feel uncomfortable.

What?

Listen, Casper.

This has to stop between us.

Oh, I didn't realise there was something between us.

That's exactly what I'm talking about.

Rosie, look, it's just banter.

Okay, it's just me.

Banter?

Yeah, you know what banter is.

Casper, I've kept the 272 emails you've sent me,

with every inappropriate word and innuendo highlighted.

The 57 text messages, the four notes you've left on my desk.

This banter has to stop now.

HR don't like it.

My finance doesn't like it,

and most importantly I don't like it.

Finance.

Your behaviour is inappropriate.

Fiance.

You should consider this a verbal warning.

Casper, do you understand?

Understood.

It won't happen again.

Good.

Thank you, Casper.

Look, Rosie, I'm sorry.

I never meant to cause any trouble.

Ready?

Yep.

Oh, that's gorgeous.

Yeah, I know.

That is stunning.

Do you know what, I think that's the one.

What about this one?

Oh wow.

I feel like a princess.

You look like a princess.

That's the one.

That's the one.

I think that's the one.

Found it, you found the one.

I know, I think it's the one too.

That's the one.

Awe.

I can't believe Michael did all this and shut the shop,

and sorted out champagne.

I know, he's smooth.

He's gonna get the good love tonight.

It's so hard to hate him.

I know.

So, what time do you have to pick Molly up at?

Sweetie, Molly who?

Your daughter.

Sweetie?

Come on, let's make the most of this.

I have no daughter.

Someone will pick her up.

Well, I need to get back home at some point.

Michael's making me make peace with Casper.

You're not going on your own?

No, he's coming with me.

And how do you feel about this?

I just wish I never tried to find him a job

and help him get one in the first place.

At least Michael's gonna be with you, right?

Yeah.

Oh, this has been such fun.

I know.

I love ya.

I love ya, too.

Go home then.

We'll take this.

And our dresses.

Sure.

They won't notice.

- They'll never notice. - They'll never notice.

Hi.

Hi little bunny.

Yeah, yeah, Daddy just had to answer the door.

Is your Mommy there?

No, no, you fucking listen, Susan.

You fucking listen!

Those children need their...

Susan?

Oh.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I'm gonna be here the whole time.

Yeah, okay.

All right.

Besides, it's just a crush.

Can you blame him?

There was no way, no way I'm gonna let him hurt you.

And you'll judo chop him if he does anything?

I'll be like a fucking ninja.

He won't even see it coming.

All right?

Hi Casper.

Hi Rosie.

Hi Michael.

Look, I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.

Listen, I'm sorry okay.

I misread the situation.

It's, just forget about it.

It's in the past, don't worry about it.

Okay, great.

I just hope we can put all this behind us.

Absolutely.

Don't worry about it, okay?

Well great.

I'll see you in the morning then.

Yeah, yeah, sure.

Bright and early.

Well, early anyway.

Good night, Casper.

'Night, Rosie.

'Night, Michael.

Heathrow.

Departing at 9:50.

P.M.

Arriving?

At 8:30 a.m.

Duh.

Duh.

Car?

Booked.

Hotel?

Booked.

How long from my hotel?

From the airport to the hotel?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant.

20, 25 minutes.

What about the traffic?

It's Saturday.

That was a trick question.

Oh, well played.

I know.

Hotel name?

The sun tan sun hotel.

One night though.

And Tuesday's for the first day?

So we'll check in, make love, freshen up,

have a late lunch,

then we're going to visit the Bruma Lake,

and then we should probably get some gifts from friends.

And we have dinner with Summer and...

Mm-hmm.

At Melrose Arch.

Back to the hotel.

Yeah, we should make love.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

And sleep.

Yeah.

Day two?

Make love.

Excellent.

And then breakfast,

and we're going to the lion park.

Yeah.

About 35 minute drive.

And then we'll have lunch at the lion park.

After that we're driving to Magaliesburg,

which is about two hours.

And then we'll check into

the Mount Grace Country House and Spa

for two nights,

and some ooh la la.

Yeah.

Day four?

Day four.

Yeah, we should make love.

We should.

Yeah, yeah.

And then have breakfast,

and then we're going to the Drakensberg mountains.

And then after the beautiful God's Window

we're gonna go to the national.

Ah.

Kruger National Park.

- You do that every time. - I know.

You gonna make me tea then?

Want tea?

Yeah.

- I'll make you tea. - Okay.

You gonna shower?

Yeah.

Yeah?

- Okay. - Okay.

Why we talking like this?

I don't know.

Neither do I.

Why me?

Why me?

You never liked me.

Nobody ever liked me.

I need an answer.

I lost the house, I lost the kids.

I lost my wife.

I lost everything, my life's over.

I need an answer.

For the love of God, C.

I'm just saying.

You want me to check into a motel.

I'll take my best friend to a motel, right.

I'm not saying that.

That's how it fucking sounds.

Do you mind not swearing?

No.

I'm not swearing, no.

You are actually swearing, Dad.

You guys are such hypocrites.

You say fuck all the time, so why can't I?

No, fuck isn't a swear word.

It's overrated, overused.

It's lost its potency.

It's still a swear word.

It's a swear word.

Oh for fuck's sake.

See.

Do you know what?

We can avoid the issue of my grieving best friend

by debating whether fuck is or is not a swear word.

Yeah, shall we do that?

I just asked how long you were expecting him to stay.

I don't know.

We made love many in our lifetime.

But one person will always occupy the most space.

Never replaced.

Never diminished.

Never, ever forgotten.

When we lose a loved one we choose.

Learn to live without them, get used to the hope

that it gets easier.

Move on.

What if I can't?

What if she was everything I wanted to live for?

Then we choose not to.

My Mom and Dad are talking about you.

Do you know how much commotion you've caused?

And all you're doing is sitting here

doing absolutely nothing, as usual.

I'm sorry.

I miss Aunt Rosie too.

I remember she used to take me places like Brick Lane.

We'd find all sorts of music in the vinyl markets.

We sat in my bedroom sometimes

and played our favourite ones to each other.

Mine was always a Bob Dylan one.

I'm sure Aunt Rosie's in heaven,

because anyone who likes Bob Dylan must be in heaven.

Dad said heaven is when Liverpool beat AC Milan

in the 2005 champion's league finals.

Wherever she is, I'm sure she's in her happy place.

Hey.

Michael.

I'm so sorry, this isn't working.

I gotta think about Molly.

She's totally fucked up already and...

Look, this just arrived.

They're things of Rosie's.

Take a shower.

You can finish the juice.

Nice shirt.

Nice rags.

I think I know what you're gonna say.

I'm gonna go.

Really?

Well, what would you do if Jen was murdered?

I don't know.

Not staying for the funeral?

Well, I can't stop you.

Everyday my only thoughts are of sliding

a very large knife into that son of a bitch's throat.

Feeling the flesh tear, the first pop of blood.

Oh.

Oh, the warmth of it.

Seeing the death in his eyes.

No.

I have to go.

You need anything?

Money?

You coming back?

For Jen.

Summer?

Is there somewhere private we could talk?

I just wanna talk to you.

I just wanna talk to you.

Now I get mine.

I'm Michael.

What can I get you guys?

Just coffee.

Same.

Hungover?

If you must know, I'm on a heavy period.

Enough information?

'Cause I can keep goin'.

I'm good.

Do you have any paracetamol, love?

I'll run upstairs and see what I've got.

I have the worst flow.

It's just nature.

What do you think of South Africa so far?

How long have you been prostituting?

Excuse me.

Well, I assumed because...

Ah, you assumed because I dance I sell my body for money.

You do sell your body for money.

No, you fucking prick.

I dance, there's a difference.

Is there?

Did I fuck you last night?

You fucked Rosie's ex-boyfriend.

Ah.

Have you ever danced on a pole?

What?

Have you ever danced on a pole?

No.

Then you have no idea how fucking difficult it is.

It's a sport, pal.

It takes practise, dedication,

and the bruises are inevitable.

And not just the obvious ones.

Pal?

You're not the first person to accuse.

Did your sister know about this?

Have you seen my legs?

I do this because I'm good at it,

because I enjoy it.

How much money do you make?

- I don't... - In a job you don't enjoy.

Look.

Look, the fact of the matter is I am good at this

and I enjoy it.

Then I owe you an apology.

Oh, whatever.

Besides, you're family, right?

So what's the plan?

Plan?

Yeah.

Where to now?

I've got a reservation at Kruger park in two days.

I figured I'd take my time getting there

and check out a few places.

Where do you plan on staying?

I'll just stay at hotels along the way.

There's a couple of other places she wanted to see.

God's Window, Drakensberg.

Kruger Park.

Yeah.

Nice.

She really wanted to pet lion cubs as well.

There's a place en route.

I think we'll stop there.

You been?

It's on my to do list.

Right.

Let me powder my nose and I'll be ready.

Thank you.

Jesus.

What a flow.

Look, do you need money or anything?

I can help.

Why, do you think I'm homeless?

I could drop you off somewhere.

I'm coming with you.

What makes you think I want company?

What makes you think you've got a choice?

Look, that's very kind and all, but...

I'm coming with you.

Excuse me.

No, no.

I'm coming.

I know we're sort of family and all,

but I have things planned, all right.

I'm not gonna be much company.

Good, because I'm not looking for some.

And I could do with gettin' away myself.

Summer!

Michael, I'm coming with you.

God, if I would have known it was gonna be this boring.

I wish you hadn't invited me.

Invite you?

Hooray, he talks.

I'm just not in a very chatty mood.

So you're just gonna sit there and mope

for the whole trip?

I'm struggling to find things to celebrate right now.

Do you think Rosie would have wanted you to be bored

on your honeymoon?

I'm sure Rosie would have been happy

just being on her honeymoon.

Not very spontaneous, are you?

'Cause I didn't take a drag of your cigarette?

Ever done drugs?

I've dabbled, yeah.

Really?

Is that so hard to believe?

You just don't seem the sort.

What have you done?

A few lines, a few joints.

A few pills.

Have you now?

I'm assuming you've dabbled.

I hope you're not basing that on the fact

that I'm a dancer.

Yeah, I've dabbled.

Bit of coke, pills,

dropped some acid.

You don't do things at half measure, do you?

I'd never do heroin, never ever.

And why's that?

Heroin?

Have you seen what that does to people?

I've seen what coke does to people.

That's different.

How's that?

Heroin is highly addictive.

So is cocaine, and it's more expensive.

Oh, that's different.

I disagree.

How can you disagree?

Well, I'm not saying I've ever done heroin,

nor would I want to,

but I'm not saying I never would,

and I fail to believe how any chemical

is stronger than my will.

If I wanted to try and stop, I'd stop.

Full stop.

Quite stubborn, aren't you?

Opinionated, there's a difference.

You know, you could speak at schools

with a monologue like that.

Right.

Maybe down the road, promoting it.

Exactly, preach that it's misunderstood.

Hey.

You know, I can't honestly say that my intentions

of coming with you weren't selfish.

The fact is, that you are the last connection

that I have to my sister.

And, well, if I can't get to know her,

I'd like to get to know you.

So, as much as you may hate my probing questions,

you'd better get used to them.

Quick.

Because as long as you're here, I'm asking.

My fucking ass is asleep.

As long as it doesn't snore.

Let's fuckin' do this.

You coming?

Are you okay?

Oh.

Michael.

Michael.

Calm down.

Michael.

Michael, calm down, it's okay, it's okay.

Michael.

It's okay.

It's okay, it's okay.

All they had left.

I'll be fine on the floor.

Seriously.

It's cool, it's okay.

Did you hear me?

I'll be fine on the floor.

Suit yourself.

I'm gonna take a shower.

Ah, morning.

All settled up.

Good mornin'.

How'd you sleep?

You hungry?

I need coffee.

Yeah, the guy in reception said

there's a good place nearby.

I'm really not a morning person.

How did you sleep?

Out for the count.

You really didn't have to sleep on the floor, you know.

The floor was just fine.

How much did you get?

An hour or two.

I need to stop my mind racing.

For that, I need to sleep.

When I sleep, I dream.

You know, it is good if you wanna talk about it.

About her.

I don't.

Stop it.

Why are you fucking doing?

Will you quit it?

Fuck.

Summer!

Will you fucking quit it?

What are you doing?

You're such a child.

Will you quit it?

Jesus.

Easy.

Easy, I'm just kidding.

You looked like you needed a release.

Feel better?

Do it.

Do it.

Do it.

Do it!

Do it!

Do it!

Welcome.

Welcome to River House Lodge.

If you'd like to follow me to the deck,

I can show you around.

Straight across there in front of you

is the crocodile river,

with the Kruger national park being on the other side.

The river is our main source of water here,

and it's name, as you can imagine,

is because it's filled with crocodiles

and over there some water buffalo.

If you were to follow it east,

you would eventually arrive in Mozambique.

Over to your right there's a watering hole for hippos,

and please do not be too alarmed

if you see the occasional herd of elephants wander past

just here below us.

I can show you to your room shortly, so you can freshen up.

Dinner will be in an hour,

and I'm very happy to have you here

Mr. and Mrs. Greece.

Thank you.

Just a minute.

Everything okay?

Fuck it.

Just come in.

Hey, what's the matter?

I'm not ready yet.

Okay, well go finish up and we'll...

No, no.

My hair's a frizz and mess

and this fuckin' dress is stuck to me.

And I just, I've never been on a date before.

Oh, a date.

You know what I mean.

I've...

I just meant...

I've never had a reason to make an effort before.

Look, we've got time.

I'm not in a rush, so...

Yeah, but...

Hey, hey hey.

It's fine.

Listen, c'mere.

Sit down, okay.

We got time, it's okay.

You look really handsome.

But you missed a button.

And another one.

Hey.

Let's get you dressed

and we can go get something to eat, all right?

Oh fuck.

Good evening to you, and welcome for dinner.

I assume you drink wine.

Not really, actually.

Not even with dinner?

No.

You surprise me.

Why does that surprise you?

Well, you seem to have a strong enough stomach

for bourbon, hmm?

I don't fuck about with pansy shit.

Thank you.

Well, you're having wine tonight.

Save the bourbon for dessert.

This is a pretty big thing I'm doing.

Yeah, what's that?

Putting my trust in someone.

Geez, is there a selection of tits on the page or what?

I'm looking for something from the Barossa Valley.

- Do you have the 2005 Laird? - Yes sir, we do.

We'll take a bottle.

Thank you.

This is too posh for me.

I've never been anywhere like this before.

I don't know what any of this means.

Why don't you let me order for you?

I just don't understand all this stuff.

Food's fuel to me, you know.

You don't enjoy it?

Yeah, but it's a necessity rather than a luxury

or a hobby.

Perhaps tonight will change your mind.

It's a lot more in depth than having it stacked up

in small portions on a large plate.

Each dish has its own story, its own journey.

Well, thank you for tonight.

I'll probably get pissed because that's what I do,

but thank you for tonight.

Thank you.

The lady will taste it.

It's fine, thank you.

You can leave the bottle.

We're ready to order now, actually.

We'll both start with the pan fried abalone

and have the shabu-shabu wagyu for mains.

An excellent choice.

Thank you.

It was a taster.

What?

They let you taste it before deciding to buy the bottle.

That way you know if it's good or not.

Good.

So, how would you know if it was bad?

Well, two ways really.

Both involve tasting.

So...

So, have another taste.

Okay?

Now, did that taste like vinegar?

Tasted like wine.

Right, so we know it's not bad.

Step one.

This is Torbreck's 2005 The Laird.

It costs about 500 rand a glass.

A glass?

Ridiculous.

Maybe, but this isn't just any wine.

This comes from a region in southern Australia

called the Barossa Valley.

Years ago, there was an epidemic,

certainly an epidemic in wine circles

where the phylloxera bug was eating all the vines

all over the world,

and for some reason, although eating all the vines

in France and Australia,

it didn't quite make it to the vines in the Barossa Valley.

Why?

But, as a result, the vines in the Barossa Valley

are the oldest in the world,

and produce quite literally a unique taste.

Huh.

Which is why tasting it is so important.

Now, hold the glass like this and gently swirl it.

Okay, not so violently.

That's gonna cost me money if you spill it.

You see how the wine grips to the glass

and then creeps back down leaving a streak?

They're called legs.

And you can tell the alcoholic content of the wine

by these legs.

Quite simply, the paler the colour the older the wine.

So, young red wine will appear quite dark.

Dark purple or black.

Interesting.

But pointless seeing as I'm colour blind.

Right.

So was your sister.

Anyway, now tasting.

Tasting it.

Tasting it.

I'm not spittin' it out.

Just don't spill it.

Shut up.

So, swirl the glass, take a sip,

and when you take it into your mouth

let a blanket of air roll over the top,

swirl the two together and then swallow.

A blanket of air?

Yeah, that sounded pretty gay, didn't it?

Let's just forget about that and take a sip.

What do you taste?

What do you taste, what do you really taste?

Blackberries.

Yes.

Anything else?

Well, I know it's expensive shit and all that,

but it's tasted just like I've just had a cigarette.

Yes.

Tobacco, yes.

You just ruined wine for me.

So is there any particular way of doing this?

Yeah, I want you to swirl it in your mouth

and let a beautiful blanket of air...

All right, all right.

Have you never done a shot before?

Of course I have.

I just wondered if...

Well, just down it and keep it down.

Well, so what did you taste?

Burn.

Anything else?

Tobacco.

Yeah.

I think I might have ashed in yours by accident.

You know, this is the first time I've laughed since...

Thank God for alcohol, eh.

So, what happens when you get back?

Tell me about the last time you saw Rosie.

The last time I saw her she was crying.

You know, I'd give anything to see her smile again.

I know exactly what you mean.

My feet are cold.

I had a really good time tonight.

We should probably go.

Come on.

Can we dance?

Dance?

There's no music.

There's crickets.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Why South Africa?

Something happened.

I went as far away as I could.

Did she ever mention someone called Casper?

Yeah, maybe in an email once.

Some guy at work who was harassing her.

Why?

You know for a split second,

I thought maybe she was having an affair.

She wouldn't do that to you.

Do you wanna play would you rather?

Would you what?

Would you rather have eat,

would you rather eat a baguette of shit

or drink some horse urine?

That's just sick.

Yep.

- Neither. - You go.

Do I have to choose one?

No, you just do one.

One?

Yeah.

You just do one.

Would you rather drink the water

of your granny's false teeth,

they'd been soaking in for three days,

or suck your granddad's toes?

Would you rather sink or swim?

Michael, I can't swim!

I've got you.

I've got you.

Are you okay?

You're okay?

Just get me out.

You know what I got a lot of in the hospital

and the funeral?

That's life.

That's life.

Only the good die young, everything happens for a reason.

God's plan.

But you gotta say something, right?

You gotta offer some form of comfort to quell

the uncomfortableness that they feel for your misery.

But when you regress into the solitude of nothing,

you've closed the curtains,

and reaching for the warmth of a blade.

Then I retort.

Is this God's plan?

That's life.

Since you're reading this, I'm gone.

This trip coming here, meeting you,

there was always an end.

Last week was always going to catch up to me eventually,

but I felt I owed it to Rosie to get to know you,

and she was right.

You are wonderful.

I'm hopeless without her,

and my future, whatever it may have held,

is not one I want.

I know that when what I did is made public,

and everyone realises the depths to which I went,

the choice I made,

well, you have to stand up for what you believe in

even if it means standing alone.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle

you know nothing about.

So be kind.

You're better than this world.

Leave, travel, live.

And if your road takes you to London,

make sure you visit Prufrock Coffee Shop.

It's the best coffee in all of London.

And feel the wind blow through your hair

on top of Waterloo bridge.

It's a magical place if you want it to be.

Rosie once told me, when life knocks you down, roll over,

and look at the stars.

As for me, well, I'm headed to my happy place.

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