Original subtitles

(CARNIVAL MUSIC)

Are all the clowns in the car? Is the door closed? It is.

I think that means, ladies and gentlemen, that's 31.

That's equal to the world record!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a historic moment.

Never before have...

Get me out of here! Get me out! Let me out, please!

Maybe we should check in on the welfare of the clowns.

I'm sure they'll be OK.

Oh...oh...ooh...

Ooh, boy oh boy.

Call an ambulance!

We...we really want to check on the welfare of these clowns.

So, is anyone coming guys? Are there any medics here?

Please start moving, can we? (SIREN IN THE DISTANCE)

OK. Are you seeing this? This is the worst thing I have ever seen.

And yet I can't look away.

Oh, it's truly an unspeakable tragedy

and yet I also can't look away.

Oh, I hate clowns. And yet I always seem to date them.

I know, that is such a strange pattern that you have

that all the men that you date quit their jobs in tech

to go to clown school. It really is unusual.

Oh, I can't look at this anymore. Mmm.

Oh. Thank God we put Ian on that.

It was really kind of us to do that.

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Our market research shows that your culture loves comedy.

So, naturally we thought the best way to launch our car

would be clowns.

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Ah, unfortunately ah, Chinese clowns are a different size.

We miscalculated the girth of your Western clowns.

I see. (CHUCKLES)

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) But we do not find this funny.

This is devastating. Y-yes, yes.

OK. Putting the clowns aside for the moment.

Yes, let's do that.

Today might be one of the busiest days slash nights of our lives.

Totally. The Rainbow Ribbon Foundation launch, I'm so excited.

OK. So, I've already sent Bundy

his 'Standing Against Hatred Together' speech,

and he should be practising with Tatiana.

Tatiana, the strategic girlfriend that we set him up with.

All the while we wait for Bobby to come in with our contracts,

which should be any day now.

No, no, I can't think about that today.

You're right, focus on today, today. Today we focus on today.

And the foundation that we set up to save a man's image.

Mr Randell, there was quite a lot of bad news about our car company.

Call an ambulance!

Yes, it was a particularly meme-able moment, wasn't it?

Ah, a dozen camera angles.

Probably the most recorded clown tragedy in history.

Ah, and there are actually a lot more of those than you'd think.

Pretty degrading job actually.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

OK. So, we've got Dion Kelly from Male Body magazine coming in first.

To run through Bundy's picture selects for the...

Ambassador presentation montage, exactly.

Can I tell you, I have missed front-facing events, so much.

Same. Spiritually I have a need of the catharsis

of externalising our success on line.

Mmm. Nothing has been postable in a while has it?

Actually it's been the opposite of postable.

Although I did take a picture of our giant shoe trophy, after it was...

Un-impaled from that worker, totally.

Bundy, what are you doing here?

Ah, your call time isn't until much later this evening.

Ah, yeah, right.

I just thought maybe, ah,

ah, I could be here to help.

Oh.

That's thoughtful.

Yeah, I mean maybe you could work on the,

the speech that you have tonight.

Speech?

Oh, yeah. The speech, yeah.

Oh. Um, what's it about again?

Oh. Are you serious?

It's the hate speech, Bundy.

I mean, the 'stop hate' speech that we wrote for you.

We hate hate here, obviously. We hate hate.

Oh, true. Yeah, I agree, Greta Goldman.

So, Bundy we've got a lot going on today.

We're launching our new strategic agenda

and we're also proving ourselves to a variety of clients so...

Yeah, so you just, like, stay here, work on the speech.

Ah, you'll just have to stay out of our way,

and don't disturb us. Yes.

Ah, yeah, cool.

Don't go in there. Yep.

Don't go in there, Bundy. In the war room. OK.

The war room, war room. Hey! The war room Bundy, go!

(HALTINGLY) Good evening, ladies, and gentlemen,

and, oth... and others.

Welcome to the lunch-launch of the Rainbow Ribbon Foundation.

The Rainbow Ribbon Foundation is more than a charity.

It's a bacon of light d-dedicated to addressing

some of the most pressing issues of our...

(PHONE VIBRATES) OK.

Dion Kelly from Male Body Magazine is here, so...

OK... Bundy, just keep going with that. Really great.

We stand, uni... fuck this.

DION: Oh, my God. These are amazing.

Oh, absolutely. I can't wait to launch these tonight.

He looks, like, masculine and wholesome.

A bad boy who's been... Saved by a woman's love.

I know. Yes.

OK. Skip. Just ignore these.

We just included them to show that the sitting doesn't work.

I think it's the size of his calves or something,

that doesn't allow him to sit.

Ohh! He is so handsome.

OK let's go with the blue. I-I'm thinking blue shirt.

Really?

I- I really love the check.

OK. Let me just scroll back to where his arm is a little less weird.

See, look it just might sell you.

I mean, I'm not really being sold. Nicole?

No. Like I said, to me it's giving

face down in the mud at Melbourne Cup aftermath footage.

You did say that. I said it.

OK, blue shirt it is.

Ha! Is he, ah, is he single?

Oh, no, babe, he's dating an influencer called Tatiana Lodros.

But if he was single, he'd be sitting firmly in my niche,

which is AFL player that's played less than 30 games

and now makes a public comment on masculinity.

Mmm, so... Yeah, hot.

In China

we would go to the government to get rid of the footage.

Yes, well that's not the way things work in our country.

The government won't just 'get rid' of the footage.

They can't.

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Mmm.

But we can.

You can control the media?

Yes, that's our whole business.

For private profit? Yes!

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Mmm. We find this very unethical.

But in this instance, very helpful.

But apparently, she's just like de...

Well, we have zero time to babysit Bundy.

Hi-i...

Watch out, ladies, these are heavier than they look.

And I've got six more trays in my hatchback.

Fantastic. Oh, my God, thank you so much.

So, are these really for Nicole Kidman?

I am such a massive freaking fan.

Um, it's a different Nicole Kidman.

and anyway, this, ah, one is quite influential in her own way.

Just a question Cherie. Yes, darl.

Yeah, what happens when the 'end' gets eaten?

Sorry?

You're just left with violence, aren't you?

You eat my 'end' and you're left with violence,

and everything else that our foundation stands firmly against.

So, I just want to know, Cherie,

what you were thinking when you made a cupcake that said 'genocide'.

To be honest, I did think it was a bit weird, you know?

Oh, did you? Yeah, did you? Well, maybe next time trust that intuition.

Because this is insane.

They were supposed to be on the same cupcake.

No this is fine, this is great.

Why don't you just go get the rest of the trays

and we will figure something out?

I'll go grab misogyny. Got it in the car.

Great, go get...the misogyny.

Misogyny is in the car. Cupcakes. Yeah.

Prostate cancer. Yeah.

There as well. Oh, great. Now we have lunch with Anna.

What?! You're joking, that is just...perfect.

Ohh! Cupcakes. Yeah! Ah, Bundy.

No. These are for tonight. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

No, Bundy, let's just get you back into the war room,

practising your speech OK? Yes.

Then what's the food situation then?

Alright, let's go, Bundy. It's OK. Let's go back in the war room.

Mr Wu, if a tree falls in a forest and nobody hears it,

does it really fall?

Yes.

Well, there's actually a debate about that.

The debate is about the sound. The tree still falls.

Well, put it this way.

If a clown gets crushed in a car,

and no-one can tell whether the footage is real or fake,

does he really get crushed? Mmm.

If he's in a coma, yes. This is very serious.

Yeah, ob-obviously we know that. But, nobody else does.

Actually on that, Cody, we've got NDAs from all the conscious clowns.

Mmm.

Go to the hospital, and get an NDA from the crushed coma clown,

the moment he wakes up.

Oh. OK?

Yeah. Yep.

Ah, what do you feel like?

Ah, anything vegan I guess.

I'm still doing that cruelty-free challenge for Rainbow Ribbon yeah?

Yes, that is correct. We can find you a deliverable vegan option.

Just get back to the speech, Bundy.

And have you messaged Tatiana, Bundy?

Oh!

That stupid lectern is distracting me!

Bundy...we don't do that, we don't kick the lectern.

So, what...

Ah, you know what, Nicole we have to go to lunch with Anna,

like right now, so...

Just stay in here Bundy, and...

Yeah, OK. I'll stay here. With this lectern!

Um, what the hell was that? That was so weird.

No. I know. What is going on with him?

I don't know. Maybe he's just, like, really hung over or something.

Can we just leave him in there, and I need to get on with my day,

I need to compartmentalise all this, I can't...

Oh, God. I hated that kicking.

Excuse. Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Oh!

Can we help you, buddy?

Um... I- well I'm, I'm just a friend.

Wanted to be here and really, ah, support him.

Ah, and be here when he wakes up, you know.

Well, we haven't seen you before, mate.

Yeah, how do you know Mick?

Oh, well I-I-I'm also a clown.

You know. Yeah.

And new to the game. New clown on the block.

Are you a NICA guy? Oh, what's NICA?

National Institute of Circus Arts. You haven't heard of NICA?

Mick taught at NICA. Mick is NICA.

Oh, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course, of course. No, no. I-I'm just breaking in myself,

you know, with Mick's help.

Well, not now obviously.

Oh. Ooh! Oh! That's right.

Oh, yeah. I have a gig. Birthday party. You know what that's like.

I'll catch you soon.

Oh, that's OK. He's gone now. He's gone.

ANNA: I have done this whole menu to death.

But I always return to the tuna sashimi.

I mean, this is the only place I find comparable

with the fish markets.

OK. Ian told us about your extraction techniques, Anna,

including the small talk ease-in.

Yeah, why are we here, Anna?

What do you actually know about Frank Fritz?

Fritz? Fritz?

Well... What are you just fishing, Anna?

We don't have time to do your job for you today.

It's the pause technique.

Yeah. OK.

Ian also told us about the pause technique.

Yeah. Yeah.

We're not going to fill silence with information, Anna.

No.

Because we don't anything about Fritz.

Yeah, because he was a cadaver the whole time we worked there.

Yeah, and then he died and now we're here, so...

Oh, come on there was no information in that information.

What? So that's confirmed some sort of theory for you, has it?

Actually it does.

What does it tell you that everyone that I've spoken to

knows more about Fritz & Randell than both of you?

I know about the yacht.

The question is do you know about the yacht?

So, Fritz had a yacht. So, what? What about it?

You're right. Lots of men like Fritz had a yacht.

Except this is different.

Never in my life have I seen something hidden from public record

as well as this particular yacht.

And it makes you wonder why.

Why is my source urging me to look into it?

OK there could be a million reasons why that's the case. Fritz...

Yes, but you would think,

that as people poised to take over the company,

that you would know all about the practices of said company yacht.

And what went on there.

Why don't you just say what you want to say to us, Anna?

Mmm.

Look, girls, this is not small fish.

Now I'm sure there's a part of you deep down

that knows your new position

isn't really Bobby Bahl's attempt at feminism.

You've been brought on to take the shrapnel

when Fritz's legacy inevitably explodes.

And it will explode.

Well, thank you for that, Anna.

We'll just have to see how it plays out.

OK, what...was that?

Of course Anna picks the busiest day of the year to tell us

that Fritz was basically a sex-trafficking pervert paedophile!

Oh, look, we don't know that! And Anna doesn't know that!

We don't know what she knows,

but it doesn't matter. OK.

Finding out whether Fritz was a creep or not, is not a today problem.

You're right, you're right. Bundy and Tatiana, that's a today problem.

Yes. Hiding genocide cupcakes, that's a today problem apparently.

Yeah, OK. Starting a foundation and then ending hate speech forever,

that's a today problem. Exactly.

But can we just maybe, find out what Ian knows about this yacht?

What Ian knows? Ian? Ian.

Ian. Ian. Ian. Ian.

I mean, frankly, AI is just revolutionary.

You would be astounded by how much we'd done with AI

over the last few months.

And that's why I think ah, oh... Sorry. Excuse me.

May I remind you this is my client.

You got the whole of the Pan-Pacific.

OK we know, we continue to be happy

for you to handle the coms on the clown crush car, Ian.

We need you urgently in your office.

(SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE) Five minutes.

OK. Well, what is it?

Ian, we spoke to Anna.

She told us about the yacht. What?

Do you know about Fritz's yacht?

Yeah, yeah. I...I know about the yacht, yeah.

Yeah. We all knew about the yacht.

Ah, I knew. Ah... Fritz knew.

Ah, well, 'cause it was his yacht and he knew about it.

Well, we didn't know about the yacht.

And it would've been great to know before we found out from Anna.

Well, isn't it your job to know about these things?

I mean, you run the company, don't you?

Well, we haven't signed our contracts yet.

And we're not sure that we should. Oh.

Ian. What happened on the yacht?

I'll tell you, but, it's not pretty.

I mean, that's why it was so secret.

Nonstop debauchery.

All sorts of sexual things.

Not just missionary position

but like, from behind.

Woman on top.

Whatever a client wanted, they'd get.

Right, we're talking Epstein levels of debauchery there.

Or worse, like Harold Shipman.

Or Ivan Milat. You know?

And don't get me started on the drug stuff.

You know, we'd be all there, sniffing on our joints.

And then, you know, somebody would bring out the cocaine.

Nose candy, we used to call it, yeah.

Pretty addictive actually.

Oh, wow. Yeah.

So, that all happened? Yeah.

If anyone ever finds out about it,

whoever's in charge will go down with it.

Oh, my God.

Actually, do you think

that's why Bobby put you in charge of the company?

Oh, my God. You know to be his patsies?

Oh. Oh, my. God.

I mean that could be it, Ian.

That's it. Yes!

Well, thank you so much for warning us, Ian.

Mmm. Not a problem. I'm there for you.

Thank you. Yeah.

Ah, now I should get back to the clown crush 'cause you know,

those clowns don't uncrush themselves.

Absolutely. Thank you, Ian. That's great.

(SIGHS)

Well, he has no idea about the yacht.

None at all. We need to talk to Bobby.

Yeah.

Fellas.

And...any updates?

No. Nothing yet. Oh.

How was the party? Oh, you know how it is.

You know, 17 four-year-olds. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Only want to do one thing. Mm-hm.

Suck on your playing cards.

That's right. They did that to you. Yes. Yes.

Oh, no.

Listen, um... I've been meaning to, ah, apologise,

for the way I behaved earlier. I just...

Mick was... He's, he's one of us.

Of course, of course. Yeah.

Totally understand.

I just know that Mick is smiling at us right know.

Yeah.

That's a nice thought. Yeah. Love you, Mick.

(VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS AND MUSIC)

Bundy. You're still here.

Of course you are. How are you?

Uh, OK, to be honest,

I don't know if I'm that keen for this speech tonight.

I'm just not, like, vibing it.

And, like, all the talk about violence, is, like, really heavy.

OK, well, you have to do the speech tonight, Bundy.

Yeah, ah, w-w-what if we made it more of a double act?

Tatiana gets up there, she says a few words with you as well?

Do it to... Nah! Nah.

Nah. Tatiana's not coming tonight.

What do you mean, she's not coming tonight?

I don't know, she's just being, like, real difficult.

OK, Bundy, she has to come tonight. We spoke about this.

Well, I don't know if I want her there to be honest.

We had an argument last night and I don't really rate her energy.

Do you have any cordial?

Thanks to AI, this is a video of our hashtag clown crush.

But it's now happening, in your competitor's car.

Every time somebody posts the real video,

our bot farm will post this video underneath.

This is impressive technology, Mr Randell,

but there were dozens of people filming the incident.

Which is why we've created dozens of these videos,

all with different brands of car.

There were live witnesses. They'll say that it was our brand of car.

They already are.

So, your plan is foiled? Nah.

We've got a troll farm in Estonia on it.

Ah, just wait for it.

See, there you go.

Thanks to AI, just because something happened

doesn't mean anyone needs to believe it's true.

Mm. Um, Mr Randell... We believe you are very evil.

Ah, evil?

No I-I think your translation might be a bit wavy on that one.

Mmm. He is very confident that you are evil.

Right. Ah...

Evil, thanks. Yeah, hm.

Try 'goshu'.

'Goshu'. Yeah. No?

No. No. No. Goshu's a word.

No. Yes, it is.

No. It is. Goshu.

I'm, you know, so that's so goshu. Definitely not.

Check again.

So, Fritz never mentioned a yacht to you?

No, no me neither.

But, as the executor of his will, I need to find out.

For administrative reasons. OK. Thank you.

Woolwich Pier Marina.

I think I know that.

One, three, six, three...

Ah! Try 'shogu.'.

Oh.

Hm. Meredith, Meredith, Meredith, you inquisitive little minx.

Do I have to call Tatiana to get her to come tonight?

I don't really feel like being a relationship counsellor.

Well, yeah, we need her at the event so you have to.

What are we going to do about Fritz's yacht?

I don't know!

You must be Greta Goldman and Nicole Kidman.

Just Nicole.

We are very impressed with your ageing subordinate.

Hm? Oh.

While there is nothing funny about one clown in a coma

we understand that there is something bigger

than 33 injured clowns.

Without you,

we would have had to put thousands out of work in our factories.

So, the work you do, it is so very important.

Thank you. Oh...

Thank you. Goodbye. Thank you.

Girls...

I'm, ah, I'm going to have to leave early this afternoon.

For personal reasons.

Ah, ah...Meredith? Ah...

You were really close to Fritz, weren't you?

Well, I worked for him for a long time, yes.

So, do you know about his yacht?

Yes, I do.

Hmm.

Hey-y-y.

I feel so much better now. Sorry about before.

Yeah, that's all good, Bundy.

We might just have to get you ready for the event tonight.

Yeah, mad. Also is there going to be a lectern there tonight,

'cause that's really going to piss me off.

We'll figure that out when we get there,

if you just want to make your way to the venue.

You can bring your coconut if you want.

(SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Hi, it's Cody. Leave a message. Cody, all clear on our end.

Ah, let me know how you go with that ah, NDA

but, ah, total triumph on the coma clown car crash.

Ah, you know when you get back here, drinks all around.

The girls have cracked.

So, I'll be, ah, I'll be kicking back in Fritz's office

awaiting Bobby's call when you get here.

See you.

OK. Greta, I'm feeling very overwhelmed.

OK I-I hear you, but it's about to get worse.

What?

Because Bobby is coming in this afternoon with our contracts.

God. Yeah.

This is supposed to be a moment of celebration, Nicole

and instead we're dealing with what exactly?

Cupcakes that are riddled with prostate cancer

and Bundy's kicking lecterns

and Tatiana's not getting back to any of my messages.

OK. Not to mention our dead boss's weird sex legacy

and there's a clown somewhere, in a coma.

OK. I'm just going to say this once but do we want these jobs?

What are you talking about, Nicole?

OK. You are clearly stressed and very delusional,

even though you look great. Thank you.

But we have not been killing ourselves in this firm

for nine months, to not deserve these positions.

OK? This is all we've ever wanted,

and I don't know who deserves this more than us.

You're right. I know I'm right.

OK. OK, here's what we're going to do.

Yeah.

We're going to wait for Bobby to arrive.

Ah, see what he puts on the table.

We're going to get a hold of Tatiana,

and then just continue with what is essentially,

a very challenging day in our lives.

Nobody is having a more challenging day than us.

Nobody.

Mick? What is that?

Hey, what's that noise? There's bleeping. He's gone blue.

Do you know about this? I didn't touch him.

Do I have family here? Hey, what's happening?

What's happening? We need some space. Guys!

Can one of you tell us what happened here?

Doctor. Doctor.

Somebody remove all these clowns right now.

Guys give us some space. Please. Tell us what's going on.

We'll tell you in a minute. Get out, let's go.

Please, can you tell us what's going on?

Get out. It's OK, it's OK.

It's OK. It's OK, it's OK. It's OK.

Ah, hello.

Ian. Cody.

Yeah, ah, Mick, I-I mean the clown passed so, no NDA needed.

That's great. Um...

I think I'm going to be a bit late coming back to the office, though.

You know in order to access the space

I had to create a rich and textured character.

Um... Now, I think I need to see that through.

Yeah. Yes, yes that's fine, Cody.

I'm sorry, guys.

Bobby, mate.

Hello, Ian, my second-favourite middle-aged white man.

I, ah, I just need to talk to you about the girls.

Ever wondered how men talk when they think you can't hear them?

I just spent the whole day

helping Greta and Nicole work through the moral dilemmas

of whether this business is ethical enough for them.

(LAUGHS) Yeah, go on, Ian.

Claws out. I love it.

I just think from a risk perspective

you're going to have to go into this eyes wide open.

I mean, do you really

want to be putting this firm in the hands of two girls

who frankly can't make an omelette out of their own eggs?

Ian, your metaphor appals me but point taken.

I mean, they still haven't signed their contracts, have they?

Ian. Ian. Ian.

I'm afraid I have to go

unless there's anything else you'd like to say about Greta and Nicole.

How long have you got? (LAUGHS HEARTILY)

Ah.

Such a misogynist downer on such a fabulous occasion.

I'm sorry. Contracts.

I mean, come on, the first female CEOs of Fritz and Randell.

The board were very surprised to discover

that we are living in the 21st century.

You should have seen their faces.

I'm joking.

Ladies, I'm kidding.

Um, Bobby, we spoke to Anna today.

Anna? Anna, Anna, Anna?

Anna McDowell. The investigative journalist.

Oh, yes, yuck.

She knows about Fritz's yacht.

Yes! OK yeah, ah, no, that was a different time.

It was three weeks ago.

Bobby, why would we sign contracts

to be instated as the heads of a company

if we don't have all the information?

about how the company actually operates?

That makes us feel, and it certainly makes Anna feel,

like we've been set up to fail.

Yeah, no, I appreciate that feedback.

Um, and this is what I love, an exchange like this.

OK, so, ah, let me get this straight.

There's a reporter

that's writing a story about an old man that has a secret yacht.

And probably did some bad things on that secret yacht,

hence the secrecy of the yacht, yeah, but here is the kicker.

Those secret bad things have stopped happening

because that old man is dead.

So, hold the front page.

Seriously, Dod, make sure that doesn't come out.

OK. But what did Fritz do on the yacht, Bobby?

Ooh, I have no idea.

Um, probably something disgusting

like have outlandish parties with perverted old men

and beautiful naked women.

I mean personally, ah, I despise that, I don't know.

Um, but let me tell you why I think you should sign these contracts.

I mean, you don't have to but...

Let me tell you why Fritz & Randell

is my absolute favourite of all of my scattered subsidiaries.

Because when you walk into a room

of the most powerful people on the planet,

knowing the secrets that could end them...

..ooh, ladies, that's the best feeling in the world.

They know your power, you know your power

and they have everything to lose

and they will do any kind of dance that you want them to.

Personally, I'd love to see that kind of power in your hands.

So, come with me.

Let's take Fritz & Randell in a different direction, hey?

You'll be in charge. No more yacht parties ever again.

So...

What do we think, ladies?

Signy, signy?

Or should I go and talk to Ian?

(SOBBING)

(PHONE VIBRATES) It's Tatiana.

Finally, tell her she has to come tonight.

Oh, sorry I have to take this. Of course.

What's going on? Tatiana, where are you?

If you leave now you can still make it 'cause Bundy's just left.

Wait. Wait... just, just stop, just slow.

He did what?

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation