Original subtitles

VOICEOVER: Australia, we're here for you.

Bushfires...

..we're here for you.

Celebration...

..we're here for you.

Adventuring...

..we're here for you.

Birthdays, we're here for you.

T-Dial, wherever you are...

..so are we.

You know what's crazy?

We're already ideating so many changes in the office

and yet we don't have a contractual leg to stand on.

Have you received, like, a single...?

A single email from Bobby? No nothing.

I mean, we're obviously doing an exceptional job in our new role.

Yeah, I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say

that we're disrupting the social sphere of public relations

in the biggest way since Freud's nephew Edward Bernays was,

like, what if we took ideas about our deepest fears and desires

and used them to sell products?

Have you seen that video essay? Of course I have.

I think I sent it to you.

OK wait, Meredith hasn't replied to a single one of our requests.

What?!

I still don't know how nice we're supposed to be to her,

now that we're in charge.

You know, it's extremely easy for me to be likeable and warm,

but I just want to know

is there a world in which we don't have to be nice to anyone,

least of all Ian who's so clearly gunning for our shared position?

OK. I so hear you. But I'm still consumed by contract-gate.

I've tried to book in with a business coach, Alex Mangrove.

I love him!

OK. But do you think we need to engage a lawyer?

Do we know any lawyers? Yes.

I briefly dated two barristers,

slight overlap but different chambers.

OK. Well, let's contact both of them

and let's be nice to Meredith today just in case.

Mmm. OK. Are you getting any emails?

I was just going to say, I think my phone is frozen.

What...weird, same.

Hello, Ian. How could you?!

I just came here to tell you, face to face,

that I'm going to ruin your life, mate.

Greg I-I'd really like to chat about this, but, ah, I got to go.

I'll email your clients.

Yeah, tell them that you hung me out to dry.

And leaked my story to the press!

Sorry, it wasn't in my control. Look, it-it's just business.

B-business?! Nasty business!

I'm going to get you, Ian!

StarToyzz was my life! He ruined me!

T-Dial.

Nothing. I've got nothing. OK. this is so weird.

I have, like, no bars. What is going on?

It must be a dead zone.

What, like, a newly established dead zone?

I seriously have no service on this thing.

Oh, my God, me neither. Hey, are you guys with T-Dial?

..'Cause I think the whole network's down.

Jesus Christ Nicole, T-Dial. T-Dial. That's our client.

We need to get to the office, like, ASAP.

Oh-oh, oh-oh! Right now, right now!

Go, go, go, go, go, go!

(HUMS TO HIMSELF)

Ian, the T-Dial network.

Ian, the whole system's down, we have to...

I am all across it.

I'm doing a client strategy map for them, as we speak.

OK Ian, last week we decided that T-Dial,

that would be our client.

Yeah, we should be running the play on this.

OK. Ah, what's your strategy?

Well, my first point of call

would be to have a look at some of your options.

Well, actually we can contact Bobby 'cause he's on the board of T-Dial.

Yes! So, let's do that.

OK. Great. Ah, contact Bobby how?

(LONG BEEP)

What's that? What is that?

What the hell's that? What is that?

I can't... Evacuate?

What is that? Grab essentials!

Should we leave? Like, what is going on Ian?

What the hell is that?! What is that?

This is the Fritz and Randell's fax machine.

I hooked it up this morning. It's on the old copper network.

The copper what? The what?

Ah, it's from Bobby.

Shall I fax Bobby back telling him you're across this?

One second, Ian.

What do we do? How do we contact T-Dial?

I don't know.

OK. I hate to say it. Then don't say it.

But Ian seems like he knows what he's doing!

Well, I disagree.

But do you have any other strategies for T-Dial? Exactly!

What strategy? I don't know what we're doing.

Wow! There is a weird energy going on out there in the world today.

Oh!

Oh! Oh...hm.

Good morning, Premier. Ah, Mr Chamberlain.

Cody, Cody's phone.

C-C-Cody's phone works! Cody has service!

Cody's on the Nodo network. It must still be operating.

Yeah, congrats on the new role. The CEO of T-Dial.

Failing upwards much? Why is he calling me?

OK. What is he saying? What is he saying?

Oh. Um, yeah, ah, just yeah, yeah I-I'll pop you on speaker.

Yeah, the team's here.

Lovely to meet you.

Ah, you're going...you're going to have to speak up, I can't hear you.

Can you hear me now? Still can't hear.

Oh, ah... Matthew.

Oh, there we. I'd recognise that voice anywhere.

Ian Randell, hello mate, how're you?

Let me guess. Total systems failure. You don't know the cause yet.

Ah, you need our help prepping all responses

under all time lines of systems recovery?

It's a big one! And a fun one!

You nailed it, Ian. We are in freefall over here.

Well, we'd better get you a cushion then, eh?

(LAUGHS)

Ah, oh, yeah. Well I've got, ah, Greta and Nicole here.

Ah, they're actually in the process of taking over the T-Dial account.

Um, hi, Matthew, hi, Nicole here.

I just wanted to say firstly

that you have nothing to worry about on your end.

Look, I need people on the ground. How soon can you get here?

Ah, yes to T-Dial. Yes, to T-Dial.

We might need a manual ah, direction, there.

What, the man... The what? The manual what?

I can be there in 10, ah, seven if I've got the wind to my back.

Ian, thank God. Godspeed, brother. Oh...

OK so we... Well, I should get over there now.

Better that we have somebody on the ground there, hey?

Ah, yes, but we should have Cody's phone

because we're still the client contact point.

Just where in the world physically is T-Dial, Ian?

We can use Cody's phone to Uber over.

Well, I doubt Uber's up. They're a T-Dial client, eh?

That's who we're sending.

Here's the address.

What do I do with this? Give it to a genie?

Use my body to bribe a car-driving pervert?!

I'll go downstairs and see if I can find us a taxi, right?

A what?! What is that?!

My name's Ian. I like to betray my best friends.

Shit. Right, mate. Oh...

See how bloody you like it, eh?

You know what? I'm gonna email, call all your clients.

How's that? "Oh, no don't do that. "Don't do that."

Too late, mate. Too late.

(NO SERVICE CHIME)

Oh! Oh, well played, Ian. Well, played, mate.

Morning, Meredith! Morning, Ian.

Meredith, Meredith, Meredith.

Are you with T-Dial or are you with Nodo?

Look. I got coins from the vending machine.

What about GridVox? What you have service?

What service?

Your phone, Meredith, who's your provider?

Oh. Well, Bobby set me up with my phone

so I presume it's T-Dial.

Let me have a look.

Did you have service this morning?

I think so.

Haven't checked since I left the house.

What are you talking about, Meredith?

How did you get here Meredith? I took the bus.

OK, but, coffee. How did you pay for coffee?

Well, I'm not really a coffee drinker

but I did manage to get a hot chocolate this morning

with my cafe coupon.

Oh, look. Here it is.

OK. That's great, Meredith, but what about your phone?

Oh, dear, did I even bring my phone today?

Ah!

Here it is.

Oh, dear. No service.

OK, all our phones are with T-Dial

and all our computers are with T-Dial, our entire system is down.

Meredith, you need to go straight to Nodo

to get four SIMs and a router ASAP.

What? Right now?

Yes, the only way we can contact T-Dial is through Nodo.

Yes, we need you to do that right now.

Seriously, Meredith, in the elevator please, we need you to do this!

Oh, God.

Oh, Goddammit! What?

We were supposed to be kind to Meredith today.

That's fine, I can order her flowers to her desk,

they'll be there when she returns. I'll just do it right now...

Well, I can't do anything.

(RINGS BELL)

T-Dial's down! The whole network!

Cody has one! Get in!

No. What if we take this cab, and you can use my phone to call her?

Nice try. Systems are down.

No. Just T-Dial. I'm with Nodo. Oh, shit. OK, done. Deal.

Cody, get in. Cody!

He's got my phone. What? What's happening?

Hi, love. Yeah. It's me. Thought I'd check in.

(ON PHONE) Where the fuck have you been?

Honey I worked late at the office and then the systems went down.

What's happening?

Yeah, I'm literally using this guy's Nodo phone to call you.

It is a man's phone. Listen he's right here.

Could you, ah?

Ah, yes. Hi. I-I did give my phone to this man.

See?

That is a man's voice!

What do...?

Yeah, thanks. I just wasted my one phone call.

Should have stayed off the grid.

Yeah, no...yeah.

Yeah, it's actually definitely, killing most of the population.

Well, that's population control...

But that's the same as this.

'Cause, bro, it was always going to happen.

Always. People are waking up. Yeah.

T-Dial have been trying to push 5G onto us, for a reason.

Anything? Nothing.

Can't even tell the time.

Matthew. Ian, oh, hello, mate.

That was quick. Yeah, had the wind to my back.

Oh, this is, ah, Olivia Appledawn, head of coms.

Nice to meet you, Olivia.

Olivia or, Liv, is fine.

Liv it is.

Righto, mate. Come on up.

Olivia, tell them to switch to backup power.

Ah, the lifts are going to be off line for about an hour OK,

so we waited for you.

Ah, Greta and Nicole will be here shortly.

Oh, they might have to take the stairs.

Oh, no.

Oh! OK, OK, great.

OK thanks. Go, go, go!

Thank you, driver. OK.

But, Nicole, we need to land on our strategy.

Because God knows, T-Dial need to know that we're in charge

and Ian will have arrived all sweaty.

Yeah, I know. With seven different game plans.

OK. I completely agree with you but can I remind you

that we don't know anything about

a fibreoptic cell-tower-wifi-satellite

global destruction outage, OK?

And I can't look any of those words up right now.

I know. OK. So, how much? Cody, how much charge have you got?

Oh, we'll be fine.

TogglePhones have a great battery. (PHONE CHIMES)

Cody, what the fuck is a TogglePhone?

Oh, it's a cost effective, alternative smart phone from Korea.

Just maybe conserve that battery,

just 'cause I don't have time to fly to Seoul today

to get you a charge Toggle ToggleCharge OK?

Greta, are we done? One second.

Platypus, queen. Um, which coin? OK just- I just, keep the change.

I- I have no idea how much that was.

OK. Well, we're not from a coin generation. Let's go. Let's go.

We need to come up with two coherent stories.

The public need a simple one with a goodie and a baddie.

Ideally, the baddie is a cyber-hacker

or a terrorist or even a lazy subcontractor will do.

Anyone but T-Dial. Brilliant, Ian.

Brilliant. Brilliant.

What do you mean the elevator's offline, that makes no sense?

Oh, my God! This is so demoralising.

Oh! Cody, hurry up.

Hurry up, Cody. This is insane.

The government on the other hand don't need any of that.

What they need is a story that reassures them

that they'll be looped into our coms before we go public.

I wouldn't worry too much about the government.

Um, now that Paula's comms minister.

She and I, ah, we go way back, if you know what I mean.

I do know what you mean, Mattie.

Parliamentary prayer room and all that.

What level is it?

What level, Cody? Ah, I think it's level 46.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

So, my phone controls the elevators, does it?

I don't know.

So, I was thinking... we tell her we don't know what the story is yet.

Ah, yeah. You can't do that. Why not?

Because they'll think we're incompetent idiots

who shouldn't be running a phone network.

Exactly.

Well, I mean, the entire network is down.

I can't get in contact with my engineer.

Maybe we should just make a story up.

So, what do we say to them? I don't know.

Hurry up, Cody. This is insane.

(PHONE RINGS) I keep getting calls.

Well, pick it up, then!

Never make a story up.

If you make a story up, it will definitely be wrong

and you'll lose all credibility. Mmm.

So, without a story we have no credibility.

But I can't make a story up because then we'll have no credibility?

Bingo.

OK.

Well, alright, so where are we? Where are we at?

We need to come up with something

to tell the Minister for Communications.

And the Prime Minister, he's on the line.

What?! What?!

I'm with Nodo. Word gets around.

Are you serious? Ah...

Chamberlain, what have you fucked up this time?

Tim, ah, no. All under control, mate.

Well, what's the story, Ian?

Ah, well, funny you should ask...

Timmy. Ian Randell here.

Oh, hi, Ian.

Sorry to hear about Fritz. Yeah, no worries.

Look, my two colleagues are actually running point on this.

Great. What's the story?

Hi, Prime Minister, it's Nicole here. Nicole who?

Um, the strategy on this one

would be ah, well to start with, listening.

To who? Your phone lines are down.

They're running point? Look, this is the Prime Minister.

One of them's wearing her dad's suit.

The other one's wearing something she found on the road.

Is just run some options

and then we can run them by you as soon as possible.

Mmm.

Well, hurry up. I can't stream the cricket without. any signal.

Oh, my God. (PHONE HANGS UP)

The cricket? I'm dead. I'm dead.

Ah, does anyone have a charger? Oh.

Of course, there's multiple in the offices outside.

Oh, great. Any compatible with the TogglePhone?

The failed Korean smart phone?

Weren't they removed from the market? Acid leakage.

Oh, I-I'll just look...

Ah, Matthew. Sorry,

do you have a room or an office that we could go to,

like, a situation room? Ideate some solutions.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, just...just through there.

Wonderful, thank you. We'll go now.

Yeah, that's really good. Jesus Christ.

My new prayer room.

The wavelengths are the same as the brain. Yeah.

No. Yeah, look it up.

That's why I rep Nodo. They stick with 4G for a reason.

They're not trying to control us with their 5G.

I love Nodo. Mm-hm.

You know the radiation from the Nodo towers,

nonexistent compared to T-Dial and that's a fact.

That's an actual fact. Yeah, brother.

That's an actual fact.

OK. OK. So, do you have a single idea?

OK. So, I'm getting this weird feeling

where nothing is coming to me.

I know that feeling. It's called... I can't remember.

OK. Ah, so the network is down. Yes.

I read an article about this happening in Iran,

or Macedonia, it was a video,

and I just went to look it up on my phone, so...

Is this all I am?

Am I the sole product

of what this thing tells me to think, feel and say?

Well, I just think it's unfair for anyone to expect us

to pretend to understand

telecommunications network connectivity

when we have no access to our phones. I, ah...

I fear my mind is in there.

Wait. I have something! What?!

What if the strategy is this?

Today, we listen to Ian.

Oh, we empower Ian today.

We give him a much-needed win and the illusion of power.

Yes. Yes, today our challenge is to support our ageing colleague

who normally has to live in a world that is too fast

and too progressive for him to thrive.

Exactly right.

(ALL LAUGH)

Stop it. It was just...oh!

That's got to hurt.

So funny!

I haven't seen these in years.

Oh, look at this. Great.

Oh!

May I? Be my guest.

Mmm.

Mind if I join you?

Of course. Mmm. Oh.

Here we go. Don't forget your mate.

Gentlemen. Of course.

Ooh, that's smooth. Thanks my brother.

Oh, looking forward to this. Yes.

Oh! Mmm. Yes.

Mmm. Oh, mother's milk.

Ashwin, thank God.

Ah, this is Ashwin, our chief engineer.

Now, tell me there's good news.

Well, our debugging tool uses the network to work,

and, ah, so we can't make it work.

So, the tools you use to fix the network when it's down,

need the network to be up, to be able to fix the network that's down?

When you put it like that, ah, it sounds bad

but, usually it works.

When the network's up? Yeah, yeah.

Hi. Sorry!

Oh, hi, do you have a Toggle charger for a TogglePhone?

Oh, yeah, yeah I have that, yeah. Great.

Ah... Hang on. Are you a Nodo guy too?

Yeah. Oh.

Smart man.

Oh, no stop it.

I run a singles night for Nodo users actually, if you're interested.

Ah, we dress up sometimes.

We play board games.

You know. Nodo things.

Oh! Great. No I-I will- yeah I just got to...

So, what you're saying, Ashwin, is that the server has been hacked?

Um, maybe.

Maybe we've got someone to blame?

Or, or maybe not. Ah, we really don't know anything, at this point.

I thought you said you had good news!

Yes, I spoke to our colleagues

over at ah, GridVox and they're more than happy

for us to, ah, transfer all our traffic to their network and, ah...

..until this blows over.

Which is a huge relief for me and the team.

Oh, great. Well, let's get onto that.

Ah, before you do. Yeah?

Idea? Yep, what?

Ah, just spitballing here. Yup.

Well, what if instead, we don't do that.

What?

No. I think we should probably switch over, you know,

Tim can get back to the cricket,

I mean the Windies were seven for 24 at lunch.

What are we in the business of selling here?

Our phone network? Wrong.

We're in the business of selling promises.

Now, who has the better phone reception? Us or GridVox?

Well, GridVox, everybody knows that.

So, what happens when you switch everyone's phone over to GridVox?

Everyone's phones will work.

Yeah, and what will their reception be like?

Great.

Possibly better. Better.

So, what happens when everyone sees

that their phone reception is much better on the GridVox network?

Oh! I see.

Our promise to the customer has been broken.

We need to be the ones who fix this.

So, true, Ian. What Ian said.

But people on respirators rely on our network for updates.

Ah, the dialysis machines.

If this extends any further we're talking life and death here.

T-t-t, Ashwin.

What Ian is saying, is that if they switch over to GridVox,

they might as well be dead anyway,

'cause they won't be coming back to us.

You know, in a business sense.

What about Nodo? Can't we switch people over to an inferior network?

I like your thinking, toots.

Mm-mm-mm. Nodo's owned by Saudi Arabia.

Everything that goes into that network gets sucked up

and spat out to the GIP, which is like ASIO but for, Arabians.

But people will die!

Oh, ppp! Hmm.

People die every day.

But dreams live on.

For generations kids have grown up

dreaming of calling their friends, using a T-Dial plan.

Paying T-Dial excess data usage fees.

And maybe even sitting here, like one of you here today,

as part of the T-Dial family.

If that dream dies here today,

then we are killing the hopes of Aussie kids,

for generations to come.

And instead, delivering them into the hands of Saudi kids.

Now, I don't know about you,

but I want to live in a world,

where Australia's communications network is Australian owned,

for Australian kids.

An Australian future!

Oh.

Bravo, Ian.

If we weren't taking everything offshore next year,

I would use that speech at the Christmas party.

Word for word, mate. It was beautiful.

And you. You're fired.

You've destroyed this company! Go on. Go, you're gone.

Ian. Ian, Ian. You were...

..amazing today.

I just, wanted to...

I found a charger! I found, a charger.

That's great, Cody.

But for now, our work here is done.

Call me.

So, anyone got any plans for the weekend?

(PHONES CHIME) Wait...

Wait. Oh, my god, service is back! It's back!

Oh, my God. Oh, thank God, I've never seen so many messages.

Wait, anything from Bobby about the board meeting?

No. I'm texting him right now. OK. Amazing. Wait.

Have you seen the pictures from Bundy's photoshoot?

Oh! We can choose the cover of Male Body Magazine before the launch.

OK, so Rainbow Ribbon cupcakes have been ordered for launch next week.

And I am texting those barristers

and I'm ordering Meredith flowers for her desk.

You're a genius.

I will pay and rebook Alex Mangrove and then organise tailoring.

I'm gonna get right on that cardboard cut-out of Bundy for tonight.

Wow, look at all these emails coming through.

Are you getting these, Ian? No. Mine's not up yet.

Yes, it is.

You've got full T-dial bars. Yeah.

Oh, well maybe the messages must be taking a while to load or something.

Shouldn't be.

Oh, well, no. I've got one voicemail.

Oh, from your doctor.

Oh, I might just take this outside.

I wonder what's wrong with him. He does look sick all the time.

Here we are, girls. Four Nodo SIM cards, and an internet router.

That is great, Meredith.

Um, I mean, we really appreciate that, Meredith

but you can dispose of the SIM cards.

Yes, we love everything you do, Meredith,

but we have zero need for those sim cards now.

I think we're doing really well with her.

I totally agree with you.

Have you seen that?

I love your algorithm.

Oh, yuck.

OK. Bad news is Anna is still sticking her snout into Fritzland.

The good news is she still thinks her messaging app is secure.

Hm. Well, Nicole Kidman and the other one

have emailed about the board meeting.

Oh, fantastic, yeah.

Now we need to lock the girls in ASAP,

before Anna gets her dry skinned fingers all over them.

Well, of course they'd go after T-Dial.

We've got the best coverage, the best network...

Mmm, ladies? Ah, do you know where Ian is?

I'm sure he'd like to watch Matthew.

He's downstairs, Cody.

Mr Chamberlain, do we know what the hackers' intentions were?

All I'll say is, it was an attack on Australians.

Oh, my God. Bobby emailed.

He's coming in next week with the contracts.

Oh, my God, finally.

Oh, Anna's calling again.

We at T-Dial...

Dr Chailley again. Just an issue with your test results.

Please don't expose yourself to any stress.

Oh!

You think you're so clever don't you, Ian?

What do I do? I guess answer it.

Hi, Anna.

Hello, ladies. I think we need to have a conversation.

It would be in your best interests...

Look, I swear it was a coincidence, I don't have that sort of power.

Oh, it's always a coincidence

the day I'm going to ruin your life, T-Dial, your client, crashes

and prevents that from happening. Yes!

I'm supposed to believe

a man who spends his whole life dreaming up strategies,

that you didn't, oh, I don't know, come up with a strategy for that!

Yes! That's bullshit, Ian.

That's bullshit! Just stop it! I'm trying to...

Get off me. Don't. Don't.

No.

Ian!

Ian!

ANNA: I just thought you might like to know

some information I've uncovered.

I obviously can't discuss it over the phone.

See you tomorrow at 12:00pm?

Um...

Fine. We'll be there.

So...you were saying that you were on Fritz's yacht.

Let's just say, it's a matter of national security.

But today, all of our thoughts and prayers

are with those whose health has been affected by this vicious attack.

Oh, oh, oh, Ian.

I was having the best day of my life, Cody. The best day of my life.

When a young child calls his father who's lonely,

divorced, mental health problems,

and wants to kick him along

and is begging him not to get another tattoo, who does he use?

He uses T-Dial.

If his mother has been put away in a ward, how does she reach out?

She reaches out with T-Dial.

How do Australia's community reach out?

They reach out with T-Dial.

Any questions?

Captions by Red Bee Media

Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation