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1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,280
Roje, when did you first meet
actor Archie Toole?
2
00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,560
And what was that meeting like?
3
00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,880
I mean, he was really
quite charming.
4
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,160
He's not just an actor.
5
00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,920
He's Archie Toole.
6
00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:15,920
And did he say
anything inappropriate?
7
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,080
Well, not at first.
But then?
8
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:24,120
But then he started asking me
questions about my skincare routine.
9
00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:28,160
He really wanted
as much detail as possible.
10
00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,040
What sort of detail?
11
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,560
Brands,
12
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,680
ingredients...
13
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,240
..how much skin came off
after I exfoliated.
14
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,800
It was so weird.
15
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,880
That is weird.
16
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,800
But, Roje, he's the biggest star
in Hollywood.
17
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,640
Why should our viewers
trust your word over his?
18
00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,400
Because it's the truth.
19
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,680
All of it.
20
00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,280
Since the story broke,
we've received even more screenshots
21
00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,880
of messages sent
from the actor's account.
22
00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,160
I promise you,
that is not my account.
23
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,680
When the women questioned
if it was really Toole,
24
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,000
he responded, "I promise you,
this is my account."
25
00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,360
Anyone could have pretended to be me
and sent those messages.
26
00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,800
The message was accompanied
by a selfie.
27
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,720
"It's not someone pretending
to be me. It's me. Archie Toole."
28
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,280
Even if I did send those messages,
it's not like they were that weird.
29
00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,960
The next message said,
"I collect human skin."
30
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,960
(GROANS)
31
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,520
OK. So, the story is
definitely out there.
32
00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,840
And the story is
Archie Toole DMs women,
33
00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,280
they engage in sexual relations,
during which he peels, flakes,
34
00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,800
or shaves parts of their skin
that he then collects in a box.
35
00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,040
The studio are threatening
to Kevin Spacey him.
36
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,160
Well, actually, it would only be
Kevin Spaceying if he'd filmed
37
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,160
part of the movie already,
38
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,040
which would be quite helpful -
it would give us leverage.
39
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,080
What is a win is
40
00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,080
that none of the alleged victims
were underage.
41
00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,040
Good work, Archie.
No underage victims. Yeah. Good.
42
00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,280
We attack, right?
43
00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,440
Actually, we remove Archie
from the spotlight,
44
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,000
and we check him in to a spa
where phone access is prohibited.
45
00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,560
Yeah, he won't be able
to do any further damage,
46
00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,920
and we have a great place
47
00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,160
that we send a bunch of clients
called the Post Office.
48
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,680
(PHONE CHIMES)
Hmm.
49
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,680
Excuse me, I have to go
to the...bathroom.
50
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,200
We got this under control.
51
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,920
They say these girls are
the best in the business.
52
00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,360
Everything is under control.
53
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,200
By the way, I have been
completely fucked on this.
54
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,120
"Oh, Spence, you did
such an amazing job
55
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:19,560
"with Amy's Nitro Espresso deal,
56
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,320
"we decided to give you
Archie Toole."
57
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,080
I took out a margin loan
on a WeHo condo,
58
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,720
and once everything was
signed off on,
59
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:26,880
it was like, "Surprise!
60
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,040
"Now you get to fly 15 billion hours
to the ass end of the world,
61
00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,520
"because it turns out
that Archie is into skin, sexually,
62
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,120
"which scares the fan base
of predominantly children."
63
00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,360
Mm-hm.
Hmm.
64
00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,760
Speaking of children,
who the fuck are you?
65
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,320
Why do I get the feeling
neither of you is Fritz nor Randell?
66
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,040
OK, so I'm Greta,
and this is Nicole.
67
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,640
Fritz is dead, and Randell is...
Survived by his son.
68
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,040
And we understand
how emotional this all makes you.
69
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,080
We really do.
70
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,760
How tight is Archie's contract?
71
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,840
The lifestyle clause is our problem.
72
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,840
The legal test is - does collecting
skin offend public conventions?
73
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,480
That will let the studio drop them
from the movie.
74
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,600
Now, the good news is
that the studio aren't going
75
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,840
to make any major decisions
76
00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,040
without the director, Jeb Carson's,
sign-off.
77
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,880
Now, the bad news is that Jeb Carson
is an emasculated fedora chode
78
00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,640
we've had to ass-kiss
for 14 long lunches
79
00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,600
just to secure this role
in the first place.
80
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,840
Hmm.
He never even liked Archie.
81
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,280
He never wanted him.
And now he's got this.
82
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,840
Fuck!
83
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,760
OK, Spence,
we won't let that happen.
84
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,320
Not gonna happen, Spence.
85
00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,040
Well, it looks more raised
86
00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,680
than it does
in the reference journal.
87
00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,600
Yeah, you'll find
that's common in gingers -
88
00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,600
weaker genetic selection.
89
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,240
It happens whenever I get stressed.
90
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,680
Have you had any reason
to be stressed lately, Ian?
91
00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,160
What's this ball?
Wait, where's my chair gone?
92
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,440
Haven't you read New Beginnings,
the visual ethos memo?
93
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,360
We've shifted
to a more ergonomic seating plan
94
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,120
to better align
with our moral health mission.
95
00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,480
Nothing came through on email.
96
00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,400
It's not on email, it's on duro.
97
00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,480
Have you downloaded duro, Ian?
98
00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:01,880
(DISTORTED) Ian!
99
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:07,120
I mean, not...not really.
100
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,320
Where's my Bento box?
101
00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,480
Ian, we told you, if you don't place
your order on duro
102
00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:12,480
by COB the previous day,
103
00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,440
then it'll be assumed
that you're intermittently fasting
104
00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,280
or you've meal-prepped
your working week.
105
00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,640
Ian, and they told me
you were fasting.
106
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,480
Uh, no.
107
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,600
You have to download it, Ian.
Ian, have you downloaded duro?
108
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,760
Hashtag #yumtime.
duro, Ian. Hashtag #yumtime, Ian.
109
00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,240
We're your bosses now.
110
00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,680
I mean, I've just been usurped
professionally by two women.
111
00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,560
Not that that's a problem.
112
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,680
It's just
that they're much younger than me.
113
00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,440
Not...
Not that that's a problem either.
114
00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:47,160
It's just that they look at me
with this pity and condescension.
115
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,960
Either way, whenever I think
about it, I can't breathe,
116
00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,480
and I get this pain
down my left arm.
117
00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,760
OK, Ian, wear this band
for the next 24 hours
118
00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,440
to monitor your palpitations.
119
00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,400
You'll feel a short pulse
at random intervals
120
00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,800
throughout the day.
(BAND VIBRATES)
121
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,800
Uh...
122
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,520
Aren't I too young
for something like this?
123
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,080
Not really.
124
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,440
People your age drop dead
all the time.
125
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:14,800
Oh.
126
00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,600
NICOLE: You can't send mail there,
it's not...
127
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,600
OK, great.
128
00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,160
Archie, why don't we
grab your phone off you?
129
00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,520
Yes, Archie, it's so important
that you stay silent
130
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,920
while we work out
what is favourable
131
00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,160
about collecting skin
as a lifestyle choice.
132
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,840
Uh, we'll organise a car
to come collect you.
133
00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,400
Yes, and, oh, don't forget
to have fun, Archie, as well.
134
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,720
Yes, just relax
and forget about everything.
135
00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,120
(CLEARS THROAT)
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
136
00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,520
You've got somebody supervising
Archie at the spa, right?
137
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,200
Um...
138
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,880
I've handled this guy
for three days,
139
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,240
and there are two things
I know for certain -
140
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,720
he cannot act
and he cannot be trusted.
141
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,200
(GROANING)
142
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,600
OK, well, we can send Ian.
He should be...
143
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,120
No man, no. No man, no man.
144
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,800
Massive daddy issues.
We need a woman.
145
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,000
Oh, well, we're...
146
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,400
Not a woman he'd be attracted to.
147
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,040
Well, that's us out.
Hmm.
148
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,720
We could send Meredith.
Perfect.
149
00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,040
Meredith?
We'll send Meredith.
150
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,560
Meredith.
Yeah.
151
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,760
Now, isn't it like Meredith's
first day off in, like, 34 years
152
00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:11,880
or something like that?
153
00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,640
Didn't she go on about that?
Hmm.
154
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,920
Hi, Ian.
Hi, Ian.
155
00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,920
Ian, where have you been?
Greg keeps calling.
156
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,440
What the...?
Greg from Star Toys.
157
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,840
Your oldest friend, Ian.
Why is my lunch at 3am?
158
00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,040
What?
159
00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,120
On duro.
160
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,680
Oh, you've set it to Warsaw time.
161
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,120
Well, can you change it back?
I'd have to reset your profile.
162
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,800
(GASPS) You'd lose
all of your plus points.
163
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,920
But I've just reached silver two!
Yeah.
164
00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,520
I know, why don't I just add
nine hours to the time in my head
165
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,680
from now on?
166
00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,960
Great idea.
167
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,680
Shall I let Greg know
you're on your way?
168
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,200
The girls are all on top
of the Archie Toole thing.
169
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,400
Archie Toole?
Hmm.
170
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,280
Why don't you go to Star Toys?
171
00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,080
What? Without you?
172
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,760
I should stay here just in case
173
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,000
Greta and Nicole need my help
with Archie.
174
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,000
Don't worry.
175
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,800
It'll just be a factory fire
or child slavery or something.
176
00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,080
Huh?!
177
00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,720
Just tell Greg to use
178
00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,360
the Ian Corporate Love playbook
play.
179
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,560
You'll be fine.
180
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,120
Yeah.
181
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,520
Greta!
182
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,760
Nicole!
183
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,440
(PHONE VIBRATES)
184
00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,560
Yes.
185
00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,800
Meredith, so, we totally know
it's your first day off in 34 years.
186
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,840
Yeah, and you're probably doing
something so restorative.
187
00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,880
It's a personal day,
and we respect that.
188
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,040
We're just brainstorming.
Yes.
189
00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,640
Being, like,
"How do we treat Meredith?
190
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,920
"How do we let her know
she's valued?"
191
00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,880
So we went ahead
and booked you into the Post Office.
192
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,200
That's a celebrity day spa,
Meredith.
193
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,720
Although if you pass
an actual post office,
194
00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,080
we might have a package
for you to pick up.
195
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,280
It's, like, weighted wristbands.
196
00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,960
They're, like, pretty heavy
for me to carry, so...
197
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,920
And that is a tomorrow problem -
tomorrow morning, though.
198
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,320
Today, we've booked you
into a day spa.
199
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,240
That is the point
of this conversation.
200
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,960
All expenses paid?
201
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,040
Of course. It's on us,
which is on the company.
202
00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,680
Alright, then.
203
00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,400
Amazing.
Great.
204
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,480
Oh, my God, Meredith, you're going
to be totally transformed.
205
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,080
It's going to be like a car wash
for the mind, body and soul vibes.
206
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,680
Just a note, though, Meredith,
because it is a company expense,
207
00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,880
you will have to meet our client,
Archie Toole there.
208
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,440
Yes, and you will have to keep him
off his phone
209
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,600
because he has been outed
for skin-based sexual deviancy.
210
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,120
Oh!
Great.
211
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,280
Thank you so much, Meredith.
That's...
212
00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,280
(SIGHS)
213
00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,240
I think I had a lot of empathy
in that conversation.
214
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,400
I've noticed
you've been working on that.
215
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,360
Hey, so what the hell
was this guy thinking?
216
00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,720
Didn't he learn anything
from MeToo?
217
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,200
Don't do anything weird
in the bedroom without an NDA first.
218
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,880
That's quite a special message
to glean from MeToo, Ian.
219
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,160
Well, the lesson was - NDAs work.
220
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,360
This guy should be eating,
breathing and shitting out NDAs,
221
00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,760
hiding all his shame in paperwork.
222
00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,600
Firstly, that is vulgar.
Secondly, no, Ian.
223
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,600
Actually, I think Ian might be
on to something with that,
224
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,920
in the sense
that he's completely wrong.
225
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,440
I mean, skin-collecting only offends
public conventions
226
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,080
because it's shameful.
227
00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,400
Wait, you're talking
a classic reverse frame.
228
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,600
We eliminate the shame
from Archie Toole's skin-collecting,
229
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,520
and, wait a second,
suddenly he's totally inspiring.
230
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:00,800
Exactly. Reverse frame.
231
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,880
This is the first time an A-lister
has been out and proud
232
00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,280
from the skin-collecting community.
233
00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,960
Wow.
Love that. I'm writing that down.
234
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,280
That's so good.
235
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,920
He's not out and proud.
236
00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,480
He employed us to bury the evidence.
237
00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,000
Well, actually,
I think he employed us
238
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,080
to wage war on the rampant
kink-shaming in Hollywood.
239
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,400
Skin-collecting's not a kink.
240
00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,760
A kink is having sex on a swing
241
00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,560
or while you think
about someone else.
242
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,200
People should be ashamed
of some things
243
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,240
and keep them hidden
deep inside them.
244
00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,920
(LOUD VIBRATING)
(MOANS)
245
00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,200
(INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS)
246
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,480
OK, great.
247
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,880
Well, looks like you know
what you're doing.
248
00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,680
So, what do we think that was?
I have no idea.
249
00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,200
Finally, Meredith.
250
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,520
Yes.
251
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,600
You're perfect.
252
00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,760
Have a morally acceptable time,
Archie.
253
00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,720
Oh.
254
00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,200
Oh, right.
255
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,200
OK.
256
00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,000
I'm going to book in
257
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,560
for the Solo Calde
Golden Foot Scrub Package.
258
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,240
Oh, and the Eight Hands Massage.
259
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,720
And for sir over there?
260
00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,840
Oh, he can have what he wants.
261
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,480
Oh, except
for the skin exfoliation treatment.
262
00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,880
Sir, we have a no phones policy.
263
00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,280
Oh, I don't have a phone.
264
00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,720
It's just I'm an actor
265
00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,200
and sometimes I think
some people think
266
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,480
that I have a phone when I don't,
just 'cause they see me on screen.
267
00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,480
But easy mistake to make.
268
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,960
We can see the phone
beside your leg, Archie. Come on.
269
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,000
(SIGHS)
270
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,280
Hello, mate.
Hello!
271
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,240
Welcome to the Star Toys universe.
272
00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,640
Greg, sorry Ian couldn't be here.
273
00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,160
Look, I'm sure he sends his best.
First time here?
274
00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,760
Yeah.
Wow, exciting for you.
275
00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,840
Argh! Jeez!
276
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,400
DOLL: I'm beautiful.
Every single time!
277
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,400
That's our educational doll range.
278
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,280
Such a great initiative!
279
00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,640
So, what seems to be the problem?
Oh, this way.
280
00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,120
Oh, my niece wants one of these!
281
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,760
No, she doesn't.
282
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,240
Oh!
283
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,640
(COUGHS)
284
00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,080
Oh, God!
285
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,360
Why discuss skin collection
when wind farms keep killing whales?
286
00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,680
It's a Margaret Kone piece.
287
00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,240
I've got her running
the whataboutism angle.
288
00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,960
That is so good.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
289
00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,880
Oh, my God, and this is Amanda
about the listicle.
290
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,080
Oh, perfect.
Amanda...
291
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,320
Are you working with Margaret Kone?
292
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,280
I love Margaret Kone.
293
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,200
Ian, I am Margaret Kone.
294
00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,520
Well, we're all Margaret Kone,
aren't we?
295
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:03,040
No. Like, I quite literally am
Margaret Kone. I created her.
296
00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,640
She's one of my several aliases
that I use
297
00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,920
to influence conversation online.
298
00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,520
But something about her centrist
platitudes really resonated
299
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,440
with older audiences
such as yourself.
300
00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,440
And then editors were messaging me,
me as Margaret,
301
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,440
asking me for op-eds
and think pieces.
302
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,000
She really took off.
303
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,400
Yeah, yeah.
304
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,120
But I mean, she has gone
off the boil a bit
305
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,520
in the last few months.
306
00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,800
Oh, no, that sounds really good.
307
00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,000
I was just thinking, like,
eight kinks making a comeback,
308
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,360
like shoe-sniffing, objectophilia...
309
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,600
Um, yeah.
310
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,360
I mean, something chill,
like skin-collecting.
311
00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,040
That also works.
What about... What about eating poo?
312
00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,560
You know, like the scat stuff.
313
00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,640
(INTERMITTENT LOUD VIBRATIONS)
(MOANS)
314
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,800
No, sorry, I am still here.
315
00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,040
Yep, live by this afternoon
would be...would be great, Amanda.
316
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,040
Thank you.
317
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,720
Are you OK, Ian?
Anything you want to tell us?
318
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,720
OK, girls. I'm back on deck.
Have you done anything at all?
319
00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,280
Oh, we have bombarded
our online contacts
320
00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,720
with our anti-kink-shaming campaign.
321
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,600
It's a movement and a perfectly
acceptable lifestyle choice.
322
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,560
On the pink feed,
we have Nikki Lake doing a deep dive
323
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,040
on how skin-collecting is
actually a racially inclusive kink.
324
00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,320
Yep, and on the blue feed, we have
Doctor Hugh Memphis doing a video
325
00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,520
about how social stigma
affects the frontal cortex,
326
00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,320
therefore kink-shaming
causes brain damage.
327
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,280
Mm-hm. And our Estonian design team
is doing all the text
328
00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,320
and animation for that.
329
00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,800
Authentic social media presence is
all about spoon-feeding influencers
330
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,840
information that you bought
from Estonians.
331
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,920
So, but what the fuck
does any of this mean?
332
00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,360
Are you following this?
333
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:26,560
No, and I don't think anyone cares
334
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,880
about that failed model
turned fake doctor
335
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,920
making videos about skin.
336
00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,800
That's right. Who is this guy?
337
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,120
Ian. Ian Randell.
338
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,000
Wait, the Randell
of Fritz and Randell?
339
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,320
Why isn't he on this brief?
340
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,560
OK, re- our social outreach,
this algorithm will place the vids
341
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,640
in front of anyone who has lingered
on Njord content
342
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,640
for longer than three seconds
in the last 60 days.
343
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,080
That's everyone we need to reach
to influence the conversation.
344
00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,520
Everyone.
345
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:57,120
Look, those are fancy stats, girls,
but the way I see it,
346
00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,920
we need to be hitting
the decision-makers,
347
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,720
the movie studios,
348
00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,440
the Jeb Carsons of this world.
349
00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,160
That's absolutely right.
350
00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,760
This isn't about
whether Brandon Nobody
351
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,280
from Butthurt, Ohio thinks
that skin-collecting is
352
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,000
a new social movement,
353
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,840
because he's not the one
354
00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:19,480
making $300 million investment
decisions on movie franchises.
355
00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,240
Yes, I am agreeing with this.
356
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,880
I know,
I know TikToks are fun, girls,
357
00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,680
but maybe we should get
the Wall Street Journal talking
358
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:32,560
about how movie studios would be
a lot more profitable
359
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,600
if they stopped getting so worked up
360
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,480
every time a guy jerks it
into a pot plant.
361
00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,040
(LOUD VIBRATIONS)
Oh!
362
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,000
(MOANS)
363
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,360
(INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS)
(MOANS)
364
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,040
GREG: I mean,
it's fascinating, really.
365
00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,000
You know, the lithium bank's
just a little bit...
366
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,680
..a little bit too close
to the capacitors.
367
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,160
So the shielding, you know,
creates a kind of a shaped charge.
368
00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,320
Shaped charge?
Yeah.
369
00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,720
Upwards.
370
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,440
I mean, basically a precision hit
to the genitals
371
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,120
to anyone who's standing
on the board at the time.
372
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,120
Oh!
Oof!
373
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,920
(THEY COUGH)
374
00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,960
And this is marketed at children?
375
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,360
Yeah, well, that's why I couldn't
email you the photos.
376
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,320
But we're following
Ian's playbook on this.
377
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,960
We're doing
the corporate love method.
378
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,560
Yeah, I mean,
you just tell the parents
379
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,800
that it's an isolated incident,
380
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,040
pay their medical bills
while the kids do a factory tour,
381
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,400
and in return,
they sign a watertight NDA,
382
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,800
buying their silence in perpetuity.
383
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,400
I mean, most of them
have been delighted.
384
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,240
OK, well, then, what's the problem?
385
00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:29,360
A hold-out.
386
00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,120
One of the parents wants
to go to the press.
387
00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,280
And, look, once that happens,
then they'll all know
388
00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,880
that this wasn't
an isolated incident.
389
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,240
It's going to bloody ruin us.
390
00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,960
Oh, well.
391
00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,360
OK. Wow. Um...
392
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,720
Well, I'll take these photos
393
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,080
and I'll see
what Ian thinks about them.
394
00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,400
OK.
395
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,120
(MOANS)
396
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,680
Sorry. What the hell was that?
397
00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,720
Uh, what was...? What was what?
398
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,720
Uh, you were vibrating, Ian.
399
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,840
The sound was coming
from inside of you.
400
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,720
Oh. Uh, that?
401
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,400
No. Yeah, I've heard that, too.
402
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,480
I think maybe it's, uh, coming
from the building or something.
403
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,880
Ian, we're not stupid.
404
00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,160
It's OK, Ian.
405
00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,200
And while we really appreciate
you fully supporting our stance
406
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,560
on anti-kink-shaming...
407
00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,240
It's just still super inappropriate
408
00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,960
to have a vibrating butt plug
up your arse in the office.
409
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,280
Up your arse.
What? No, no, it's not...
410
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,960
You probably take the butt plug
out your arse, Ian.
411
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,000
Take your butt plug out, Ian.
412
00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,560
I mean, it's not...
Go take out your butt plug, Ian.
413
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,240
It's not a butt plug.
414
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,560
(SIGHS) That's why he's not
on this brief.
415
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,480
Sorry.
416
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:49,600
Um, what goes into this cheesecake
that makes it $265?
417
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,920
Raw cashew cream and sea gel.
418
00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,000
Ooh, sounds disgusting.
419
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,320
We'll take three of them.
420
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,120
Archie, what do you want?
421
00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,280
Oh, God.
422
00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,880
Come on.
423
00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,320
(SIGHS)
424
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,560
(SCOFFS)
425
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,880
Look, can I just ask,
426
00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,120
what is the most expensive treatment
you do here?
427
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,800
Or should I just add
Korean snail mucin
428
00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,520
to my hair Botox package?
429
00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,280
Well, our most sought-after programs
430
00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,640
are with our systemic
family healing guru, Susanna Bali.
431
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,480
And she's the most expensive?
432
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,760
She's the leading healer
in the Pan Pacific, and she's 1,400.
433
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,520
Hmm?
434
00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,600
Tell my fridge to DM Claudia.
435
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,560
(ELECTRONIC BEEP)
436
00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,320
What do you mean?
Oh, great.
437
00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,360
Apparently, Archie's been using
his smart bottle to connect
438
00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,520
to his fridge to log into Instagram
to DM a foot model.
439
00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:49,520
Fantastic.
440
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,800
We have zero traction on our videos.
What happened to the Kone op-ed?
441
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,240
OK, it's published online,
and so far it has, uh...
442
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,600
..one comment.
What is it?
443
00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,280
"Fuck up Margaret Kone!"
444
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,800
Great.
What about the listicle?
445
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,360
OK, well, they've taken the liberty
446
00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,440
of publishing two listicles.
Well, that's great.
447
00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,760
No, "Cool Kinks
and Kinks That Stink".
448
00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,360
Oh, my God, what stinks?
449
00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,720
Skin-collecting.
450
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,840
BOTH: Fuck!
OK, we have to get this down.
451
00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,880
Well, well, well.
452
00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,960
Looks like your butt plug buddy
was right.
453
00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,360
Oh, well, actually, Spence,
454
00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,240
the internet is like
a complex marketplace of ideas,
455
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,880
which takes time...
To unfold into the play.
456
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,000
And it's different here.
It's a long game, if anything.
457
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,040
You're in Australia now.
It's the southern hemisphere.
458
00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,080
Oh, my God, it's Jeb Carson.
459
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,600
No way.
No way, no way.
460
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,400
No fucking way.
Uh...
461
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,560
Wow. Hi.
462
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,440
Can I take this moment to say
you are my favourite male auteur?
463
00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,520
Jeb. Jeb, listen, we are
across the online conversation.
464
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,600
I mean, every listicle journalist
is a hack. People know this.
465
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,600
People are saying this.
466
00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,280
Also, who cares
what Kylie Blands from, um,
467
00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,920
Lacklustre Town, uh...
468
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,000
Kentucky.
..have to say about kinks?
469
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,120
I mean, what do they know?
470
00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,560
I don't care what they think.
Exactly. Because you're an artist.
471
00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,640
I care what I think.
Yes.
472
00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,240
Archie's out.
Oh.
473
00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,120
Let me guess.
It was a nothing burger.
474
00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,280
Actually, a disaster burger.
475
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,320
The hover board has a defect.
476
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,400
They've been using
your corporate love playbook on it.
477
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,240
They're using the corporate love
playbook on this?
478
00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,560
This isn't a corporate love
playbook play.
479
00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,080
This is a recall playbook play.
480
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,760
Have they recalled?
They don't need to.
481
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,040
Except for this one person,
482
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,960
Star Toys reckons
the truth won't come out.
483
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,120
The truth will come out. You recall.
484
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,880
You get ahead of the story,
you accept responsibility,
485
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,880
and you control the narrative.
486
00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,120
That is the only playbook to use
487
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,400
when you're dealing
with kids' genitals.
488
00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:42,640
We cover up the sweatshops.
489
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,840
We do not cover up the sweatshops.
490
00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,680
Well, yeah, we do cover up
the sweatshops.
491
00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,760
But that's only because nobody's
ever going to find out.
492
00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,040
And even if they do find out,
nobody actually cares.
493
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,520
Whereas people do actually care
about this.
494
00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,600
Cody, why wouldn't you immediately
tell them to issue a recall?
495
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,320
Every minute that we're not issuing
a recall goes
496
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:05,440
into the court transcript
when this inevitably goes to court.
497
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,800
I messaged you, you never responded.
498
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,840
I haven't got any messages.
499
00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,520
Oh, wait. There they are.
500
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,480
Oh, fuck. I'm still on Warsaw time!
501
00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,120
Oh, the timestamps show
502
00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,320
that you received these messages
nine hours ago.
503
00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,720
That's not going to look good.
Oh, fuck!
504
00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,920
MEREDITH: 35 years I worked for him.
505
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,160
It's just I never got a chance
to say goodbye.
506
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,760
And he was...
507
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,600
He meant so much to me.
508
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,440
And now I don't even know
if I knew him at all.
509
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,840
My heart...
(SMALL ITEM HITS FLOOR)
510
00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,960
Sorry.
511
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,880
Sorry, Archie, I can see
512
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,880
that you're writing something
down there.
513
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,040
Yeah, I'm taking notes.
514
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,600
No, he's not.
Yes, I am.
515
00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,040
I'm taking in the session.
516
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,720
He's writing filth.
517
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:55,000
He's disgusting.
See? No-one ever believes me.
518
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,920
Meredith, why do you think
you always assume
519
00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,280
the worst of Archie?
520
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,400
I'll bet your entire $1,400 fee
521
00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,600
that that note contains
something unbelievably crass.
522
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,280
Like, "I'm a stiff little boy,
523
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,000
"and I'm going to peel
all your dry skin off
524
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,240
"and keep it in my arse,"
for instance.
525
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,440
Hey.
526
00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,960
Archie, can you hand me the note?
527
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:19,960
Archie?
528
00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,080
Archie.
529
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,920
Oh!
530
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,760
Sorry.
531
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:31,760
What does it say?
532
00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,160
We've got a lot of work to do here.
533
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,240
(WHIMPERS TO SELF)
534
00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,720
Oh, God. You know what?
535
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,480
This isn't fun anymore.
536
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,480
Not until the session is over,
Meredith.
537
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,440
(SIGHS)
538
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,880
My problem is
Njord doesn't eat skin.
539
00:21:58,880 --> 00:21:59,880
He just doesn't.
540
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,280
OK, again, there's no evidence
that Archie eats skin, at this point.
541
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,320
There's no evidence.
You're not listening to me.
542
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,440
With a film like this,
543
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,320
you need to respect
the origins of the text.
544
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,880
If Njord suddenly collects skin,
545
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,880
then the horse has
already left the station, hasn't it?
546
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,320
I mean, why not change
Njord's name to Njora?
547
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,880
And why not say
that Njora isn't a Nordic warrior
548
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,720
who watches over the fjord
after all?
549
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,680
Because Njora is actually
a lesbian bartender from Barbados.
550
00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,080
You know what I'm saying?
551
00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,880
Er, we definitely hear the words
you're saying, Jeb.
552
00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,200
Nobody wants Njord to be a lesbian
from Barbados
553
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,920
who collects skin, Jeb.
No-one wants that.
554
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,080
He might as well be
with Archie as Njord.
555
00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,840
It's not true to the comic books
or fair to the fans.
556
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,760
OK, so, sorry, you want
to sack Archie Toole the actor
557
00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,840
because, in your mind,
he can no longer portray
558
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,080
a half-centaur Nordic god
who fucks a snow goose
559
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,000
in order to retain his ice powers?
560
00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,120
The snow goose is
from the original Swedish fairytale.
561
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:49,120
We're adapting the manga retelling.
Yes.
562
00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:52,600
So, um, I think where we're going
wrong here, Archie is an actor,
563
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,440
so he's actually going
to act the character. Um...
564
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,280
He'll transform into the role.
Yes.
565
00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,680
You know how they didn't really find
those big blue creatures
566
00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,360
to play those big blue creatures
in Avatar?
567
00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,880
Those creatures were made
on a computer.
568
00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,880
How dare you talk about those
fucking beautiful blue creatures.
569
00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,880
I don't want Archie as Njord.
570
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,560
It's factually incorrect.
And I'm the director.
571
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,520
Jeb!
Jeb, wait, wait.
572
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:16,840
I'm just gonna try something.
573
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,720
OK. Jeb, Jeb, Jeb, Jeb.
574
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,560
Um, OK, so, uh,
575
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,400
while we really respect
your dedication
576
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,640
to protecting the integrity
of the fictional Norse gods
577
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,160
in your cinematic work,
ultimately, we represent Archie.
578
00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,440
So if you were to revoke
his contract in any way,
579
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,960
then we would be forced
to use the tools in our arsenal
580
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,080
to punish you for that decision.
581
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,560
Oh, wow. OK, they're doing it.
582
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,280
Are you fucking threatening me?
583
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,200
Not unless you're saying
you've been extremely kind
584
00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,760
to every woman
that you've ever worked with, ever.
585
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,840
Then we wouldn't be.
586
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,360
I want you to know that myself
and the Njord cinematic universe
587
00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,360
stand behind Archie Toole.
588
00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,280
Archie as Njord.
589
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,520
This is an important moment
in kink history,
590
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,000
and I'm proud to be part of it,
because I just love my kinks.
591
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,360
Because I'm an inclusive
male auteur.
592
00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,120
Wow. I wonder what he did.
593
00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,520
I mean, he's really going for it,
so probably something quite horrific.
594
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,520
Hmm.
595
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,560
Just got to duck out.
Something quite important.
596
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:16,560
What could be more important
597
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,400
than watching us nail
the Archie case, Ian?
598
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,520
What's this?
599
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,120
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit!
600
00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,560
Ian! What?
(LOUD VIBRATIONS)
601
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,840
(MOANS)
602
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,480
It's not a butt plug. It's a...
603
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:30,920
Heart monitor.
We know, Ian.
604
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,160
Nicole's grandmother had one,
before she died of old age.
605
00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,080
We are not letting you
take on this brief, Ian.
606
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,040
But Greg's my oldest cl... Hang on.
607
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,440
You knew it was a heart monitor?
608
00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,320
This is not coming
anywhere near our brand.
609
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,560
No, definitely not
in the visual ethos memo.
610
00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,680
He's the first client
I ever brought to the firm.
611
00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,720
He's my friend.
612
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,520
This is a branding issue, Ian.
613
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,480
And that's coming straight
from the top, which is us now.
614
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,400
Your brand might be
deformed children's genitals,
615
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,600
but it is not our brand.
It's not our brand, Ian.
616
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,480
ARCHIE: See, that's the thing.
617
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,000
It makes so much sense
because she cut my brother's nails
618
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,600
and she cut my sister's nails,
619
00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,640
but she never cut my nails!
620
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,440
Oh.
621
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,960
Oh, look, Archie.
622
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,120
Looks like you're
back on the film again.
623
00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,480
So, they're taking care of you.
624
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,680
What? Really?
Yes.
625
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,680
Oh, my God!
626
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,840
That's such good news.
627
00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,320
Oh, my God.
628
00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:25,880
I love you, Mum.
629
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,120
Ta!
630
00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,720
Does Susanna Bali
have a business card?
631
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,840
OK, so, Jeb is on board.
632
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,400
Fine. Great.
633
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,200
But also, who cares? Because this...
634
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,840
ANNA MCDOWELL:
What are your thoughts?
635
00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,240
If Jeb Carson is standing by him...
(SCOFFS)
636
00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,120
..I know the rest
of the industry will too.
637
00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:51,680
We're going to fight this.
638
00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,120
We don't want this story
to just go away.
639
00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,160
We need this story to just go away!
640
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,800
OK, we understand that,
but we've pulled in every favour.
641
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,240
Yes, Spence, at this point,
all we can do is damage control.
642
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,080
Yeah, exactly. You can't
just bury something like this.
643
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,000
You'd need a whole new story
to blow it out of the water.
644
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,960
Something more heinous.
645
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,480
More sensational.
646
00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,280
Something more explosive.
647
00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:19,880
What?
648
00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:20,880
No!
649
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:21,880
You can't!
650
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,360
Get the folder! Get the folder!
651
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:24,360
Yes, do it. What is it?
652
00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,000
Hi, Anna. Yeah.
653
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,600
I have the most heinous,
explosive story to tell you.
654
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,200
Don't! No!
Yeah. Two words.
655
00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,520
Just...
Child eunuch. I know.
656
00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,440
(QUIETLY) Just hang up! Hang up!
Headline would be good.
657
00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,520
Don't!
658
00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,000
I'm so proud of you, Archie.
659
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,360
I mean, how did we manage
to turn this around?
660
00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,440
I don't know.
661
00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,200
ANNA MCDOWELL: And now
to a horrifying exclusive report.
662
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,840
Dream gift or every parent's
worst nightmare?
663
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,080
Tonight, explosive revelations
664
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:54,520
about a beloved toy
turning children into eunuchs.
665
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:55,920
Anna keeps messaging us, by the way.
666
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,240
She wants to catch up
for some reason.
667
00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,400
Oh, I think we just ignore her.
I agree with you.
668
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,160
IAN: No, I know
you're not a mutilator.
669
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,880
Mate, you know me.
670
00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,120
I wouldn't do that to you.
671
00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,040
It's not in my playbook.
672
00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,240
It went above my head.
673
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,680
Oh, my God, it's Bobby.
Finally. Answer it!
674
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:11,840
OK.
Get it.
675
00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,960
Hi, Bobby.
Girls, congrats on the Archie fix.
676
00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,840
Handled as delicately
as the skin he puts in boxes.
677
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,320
Uh, thank you, Bobby.
Thank you.
678
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:20,640
Oh, we had one thing
we wanted to ask you.
679
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,560
Just when the board is going
to ratify our position?
680
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,160
Yes. Just, you know,
for our security,
681
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:25,880
financially and emotionally.
682
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,120
Girls, girls, this is
a big thing for the board. OK?
683
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:32,280
For a start, I had to sit them down
and explain what a woman was.
684
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,240
Unlike Archie, they need
to make sure
685
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,280
that your talents aren't skin deep.
686
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,960
So, just do everything perfectly
and you'll be fine.
687
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,040
Alright? OK. Bye.
688
00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,080
OK, but can we just get a...?
Absolute...
689
00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,400
What does that mean?
I have no idea what that means.
690
00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,160
(PHONE VIBRATES)
She's still calling.
691
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,160
I can't. I'm done.
Honestly, just ignore her.
692
00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,160
What does she want from us?
693
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,760
We just gave her
the biggest story of her career.
694
00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,160
No, no, I totally agree with you.
695
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,880
Oh, Greg...
696
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,000
Oh, no... (SIGHS)
697
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,000
Oh, I understand.
698
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,800
It's so beautiful seeing a face
with so many stories etched into it.
699
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,600
Oh, thank you, Archie.
700
00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,400
Did you work with Frank
for...how long you said?
701
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,440
Oh, around 30 years.
702
00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,360
Frank Fritz is gone too soon.
703
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,160
I always had such a good time
on his yacht.
704
00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,200
Sorry. His what?
705
00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,520
His yacht. His superyacht.
706
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,080
His...superyacht?
707
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,480
Yeah.
708
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,160
Oh, yes.
709
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,480
His superyacht.
Yeah.
710
00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,280
It was just incredible energy
on there.
711
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,800
You know, it was, like, powerful.
712
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,200
I just...
His parties, they always...
713
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,280
It always like, sparked something
in me, spiritually.
714
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,000
Physically.
715
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,040
Oh, hey.
716
00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,000
No, I think you should probably
just... (SIGHS)
717
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,080
(HIGH-PITCHED) Shit!
718
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,240
(EXPLOSION AND SCREAMING)
719
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,240
Captions by Red Bee Media
720
00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,240
Copyright Australian
Broadcasting Corporation
54656
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