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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,280 Roje, when did you first meet actor Archie Toole? 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,560 And what was that meeting like? 3 00:00:06,560 --> 00:00:08,880 I mean, he was really quite charming. 4 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,160 He's not just an actor. 5 00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,920 He's Archie Toole. 6 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:15,920 And did he say anything inappropriate? 7 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:19,080 Well, not at first. But then? 8 00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:24,120 But then he started asking me questions about my skincare routine. 9 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:28,160 He really wanted as much detail as possible. 10 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,040 What sort of detail? 11 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:31,560 Brands, 12 00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,680 ingredients... 13 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:37,240 ..how much skin came off after I exfoliated. 14 00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:38,800 It was so weird. 15 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,880 That is weird. 16 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,800 But, Roje, he's the biggest star in Hollywood. 17 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,640 Why should our viewers trust your word over his? 18 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,400 Because it's the truth. 19 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:50,680 All of it. 20 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,280 Since the story broke, we've received even more screenshots 21 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:56,880 of messages sent from the actor's account. 22 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,160 I promise you, that is not my account. 23 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,680 When the women questioned if it was really Toole, 24 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:05,000 he responded, "I promise you, this is my account." 25 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,360 Anyone could have pretended to be me and sent those messages. 26 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,800 The message was accompanied by a selfie. 27 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,720 "It's not someone pretending to be me. It's me. Archie Toole." 28 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:16,280 Even if I did send those messages, it's not like they were that weird. 29 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:19,960 The next message said, "I collect human skin." 30 00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:22,960 (GROANS) 31 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,520 OK. So, the story is definitely out there. 32 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:30,840 And the story is Archie Toole DMs women, 33 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:33,280 they engage in sexual relations, during which he peels, flakes, 34 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:36,800 or shaves parts of their skin that he then collects in a box. 35 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,040 The studio are threatening to Kevin Spacey him. 36 00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,160 Well, actually, it would only be Kevin Spaceying if he'd filmed 37 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,160 part of the movie already, 38 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,040 which would be quite helpful - it would give us leverage. 39 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,080 What is a win is 40 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,080 that none of the alleged victims were underage. 41 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:49,040 Good work, Archie. No underage victims. Yeah. Good. 42 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,280 We attack, right? 43 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:52,440 Actually, we remove Archie from the spotlight, 44 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:56,000 and we check him in to a spa where phone access is prohibited. 45 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,560 Yeah, he won't be able to do any further damage, 46 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:58,920 and we have a great place 47 00:01:58,920 --> 00:02:01,160 that we send a bunch of clients called the Post Office. 48 00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:02,680 (PHONE CHIMES) Hmm. 49 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:06,680 Excuse me, I have to go to the...bathroom. 50 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:09,200 We got this under control. 51 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:10,920 They say these girls are the best in the business. 52 00:02:10,920 --> 00:02:13,360 Everything is under control. 53 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,200 By the way, I have been completely fucked on this. 54 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,120 "Oh, Spence, you did such an amazing job 55 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:19,560 "with Amy's Nitro Espresso deal, 56 00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,320 "we decided to give you Archie Toole." 57 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:24,080 I took out a margin loan on a WeHo condo, 58 00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:25,720 and once everything was signed off on, 59 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:26,880 it was like, "Surprise! 60 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,040 "Now you get to fly 15 billion hours to the ass end of the world, 61 00:02:30,040 --> 00:02:33,520 "because it turns out that Archie is into skin, sexually, 62 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:37,120 "which scares the fan base of predominantly children." 63 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:38,360 Mm-hm. Hmm. 64 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaking of children, who the fuck are you? 65 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,320 Why do I get the feeling neither of you is Fritz nor Randell? 66 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,040 OK, so I'm Greta, and this is Nicole. 67 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,640 Fritz is dead, and Randell is... Survived by his son. 68 00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:51,040 And we understand how emotional this all makes you. 69 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,080 We really do. 70 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,760 How tight is Archie's contract? 71 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,840 The lifestyle clause is our problem. 72 00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:59,840 The legal test is - does collecting skin offend public conventions? 73 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:02,480 That will let the studio drop them from the movie. 74 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:05,600 Now, the good news is that the studio aren't going 75 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:06,840 to make any major decisions 76 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:09,040 without the director, Jeb Carson's, sign-off. 77 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,880 Now, the bad news is that Jeb Carson is an emasculated fedora chode 78 00:03:13,880 --> 00:03:16,640 we've had to ass-kiss for 14 long lunches 79 00:03:16,640 --> 00:03:18,600 just to secure this role in the first place. 80 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,840 Hmm. He never even liked Archie. 81 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:24,280 He never wanted him. And now he's got this. 82 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,840 Fuck! 83 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,760 OK, Spence, we won't let that happen. 84 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:31,320 Not gonna happen, Spence. 85 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:34,040 Well, it looks more raised 86 00:03:34,040 --> 00:03:35,680 than it does in the reference journal. 87 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:37,600 Yeah, you'll find that's common in gingers - 88 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,600 weaker genetic selection. 89 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,240 It happens whenever I get stressed. 90 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,680 Have you had any reason to be stressed lately, Ian? 91 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:49,160 What's this ball? Wait, where's my chair gone? 92 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,440 Haven't you read New Beginnings, the visual ethos memo? 93 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:53,360 We've shifted to a more ergonomic seating plan 94 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,120 to better align with our moral health mission. 95 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:56,480 Nothing came through on email. 96 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,400 It's not on email, it's on duro. 97 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:00,480 Have you downloaded duro, Ian? 98 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:01,880 (DISTORTED) Ian! 99 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:07,120 I mean, not...not really. 100 00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:09,320 Where's my Bento box? 101 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,480 Ian, we told you, if you don't place your order on duro 102 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:12,480 by COB the previous day, 103 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,440 then it'll be assumed that you're intermittently fasting 104 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:16,280 or you've meal-prepped your working week. 105 00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,640 Ian, and they told me you were fasting. 106 00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,480 Uh, no. 107 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,600 You have to download it, Ian. Ian, have you downloaded duro? 108 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,760 Hashtag #yumtime. duro, Ian. Hashtag #yumtime, Ian. 109 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,240 We're your bosses now. 110 00:04:28,240 --> 00:04:31,680 I mean, I've just been usurped professionally by two women. 111 00:04:33,280 --> 00:04:35,560 Not that that's a problem. 112 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,680 It's just that they're much younger than me. 113 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,440 Not... Not that that's a problem either. 114 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:47,160 It's just that they look at me with this pity and condescension. 115 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:54,960 Either way, whenever I think about it, I can't breathe, 116 00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:58,480 and I get this pain down my left arm. 117 00:04:58,480 --> 00:05:01,760 OK, Ian, wear this band for the next 24 hours 118 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:03,440 to monitor your palpitations. 119 00:05:03,440 --> 00:05:05,400 You'll feel a short pulse at random intervals 120 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:06,800 throughout the day. (BAND VIBRATES) 121 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:07,800 Uh... 122 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,520 Aren't I too young for something like this? 123 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,080 Not really. 124 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:13,440 People your age drop dead all the time. 125 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:14,800 Oh. 126 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,600 NICOLE: You can't send mail there, it's not... 127 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:18,600 OK, great. 128 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,160 Archie, why don't we grab your phone off you? 129 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:23,520 Yes, Archie, it's so important that you stay silent 130 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:24,920 while we work out what is favourable 131 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,160 about collecting skin as a lifestyle choice. 132 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,840 Uh, we'll organise a car to come collect you. 133 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,400 Yes, and, oh, don't forget to have fun, Archie, as well. 134 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:34,720 Yes, just relax and forget about everything. 135 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:36,120 (CLEARS THROAT) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 136 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,520 You've got somebody supervising Archie at the spa, right? 137 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,200 Um... 138 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:42,880 I've handled this guy for three days, 139 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:45,240 and there are two things I know for certain - 140 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,720 he cannot act and he cannot be trusted. 141 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:49,200 (GROANING) 142 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,600 OK, well, we can send Ian. He should be... 143 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,120 No man, no. No man, no man. 144 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,800 Massive daddy issues. We need a woman. 145 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,000 Oh, well, we're... 146 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,400 Not a woman he'd be attracted to. 147 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,040 Well, that's us out. Hmm. 148 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:03,720 We could send Meredith. Perfect. 149 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:05,040 Meredith? We'll send Meredith. 150 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:06,560 Meredith. Yeah. 151 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,760 Now, isn't it like Meredith's first day off in, like, 34 years 152 00:06:10,760 --> 00:06:11,880 or something like that? 153 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:14,640 Didn't she go on about that? Hmm. 154 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,920 Hi, Ian. Hi, Ian. 155 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:17,920 Ian, where have you been? Greg keeps calling. 156 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,440 What the...? Greg from Star Toys. 157 00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,840 Your oldest friend, Ian. Why is my lunch at 3am? 158 00:06:22,840 --> 00:06:24,040 What? 159 00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:25,120 On duro. 160 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,680 Oh, you've set it to Warsaw time. 161 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,120 Well, can you change it back? I'd have to reset your profile. 162 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,800 (GASPS) You'd lose all of your plus points. 163 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,920 But I've just reached silver two! Yeah. 164 00:06:33,920 --> 00:06:37,520 I know, why don't I just add nine hours to the time in my head 165 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:38,680 from now on? 166 00:06:38,680 --> 00:06:39,960 Great idea. 167 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,680 Shall I let Greg know you're on your way? 168 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,200 The girls are all on top of the Archie Toole thing. 169 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,400 Archie Toole? Hmm. 170 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,280 Why don't you go to Star Toys? 171 00:06:48,280 --> 00:06:50,080 What? Without you? 172 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,760 I should stay here just in case 173 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,000 Greta and Nicole need my help with Archie. 174 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,000 Don't worry. 175 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,800 It'll just be a factory fire or child slavery or something. 176 00:06:57,800 --> 00:06:59,080 Huh?! 177 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:00,720 Just tell Greg to use 178 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,360 the Ian Corporate Love playbook play. 179 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,560 You'll be fine. 180 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,120 Yeah. 181 00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:09,520 Greta! 182 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:10,760 Nicole! 183 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,440 (PHONE VIBRATES) 184 00:07:21,280 --> 00:07:22,560 Yes. 185 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:25,800 Meredith, so, we totally know it's your first day off in 34 years. 186 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,840 Yeah, and you're probably doing something so restorative. 187 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:29,880 It's a personal day, and we respect that. 188 00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,040 We're just brainstorming. Yes. 189 00:07:31,040 --> 00:07:32,640 Being, like, "How do we treat Meredith? 190 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:33,920 "How do we let her know she's valued?" 191 00:07:33,920 --> 00:07:35,880 So we went ahead and booked you into the Post Office. 192 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,200 That's a celebrity day spa, Meredith. 193 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,720 Although if you pass an actual post office, 194 00:07:38,720 --> 00:07:40,080 we might have a package for you to pick up. 195 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,280 It's, like, weighted wristbands. 196 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,960 They're, like, pretty heavy for me to carry, so... 197 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,920 And that is a tomorrow problem - tomorrow morning, though. 198 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:46,320 Today, we've booked you into a day spa. 199 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:48,240 That is the point of this conversation. 200 00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:49,960 All expenses paid? 201 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:52,040 Of course. It's on us, which is on the company. 202 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,680 Alright, then. 203 00:07:56,680 --> 00:07:58,400 Amazing. Great. 204 00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:00,480 Oh, my God, Meredith, you're going to be totally transformed. 205 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:03,080 It's going to be like a car wash for the mind, body and soul vibes. 206 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:05,680 Just a note, though, Meredith, because it is a company expense, 207 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,880 you will have to meet our client, Archie Toole there. 208 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:09,440 Yes, and you will have to keep him off his phone 209 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,600 because he has been outed for skin-based sexual deviancy. 210 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,120 Oh! Great. 211 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:16,280 Thank you so much, Meredith. That's... 212 00:08:16,280 --> 00:08:18,280 (SIGHS) 213 00:08:18,280 --> 00:08:20,240 I think I had a lot of empathy in that conversation. 214 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,400 I've noticed you've been working on that. 215 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:25,360 Hey, so what the hell was this guy thinking? 216 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:27,720 Didn't he learn anything from MeToo? 217 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,200 Don't do anything weird in the bedroom without an NDA first. 218 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,880 That's quite a special message to glean from MeToo, Ian. 219 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:36,160 Well, the lesson was - NDAs work. 220 00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:39,360 This guy should be eating, breathing and shitting out NDAs, 221 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:41,760 hiding all his shame in paperwork. 222 00:08:41,760 --> 00:08:44,600 Firstly, that is vulgar. Secondly, no, Ian. 223 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:46,600 Actually, I think Ian might be on to something with that, 224 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,920 in the sense that he's completely wrong. 225 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,440 I mean, skin-collecting only offends public conventions 226 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,080 because it's shameful. 227 00:08:53,080 --> 00:08:55,400 Wait, you're talking a classic reverse frame. 228 00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:57,600 We eliminate the shame from Archie Toole's skin-collecting, 229 00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,520 and, wait a second, suddenly he's totally inspiring. 230 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:00,800 Exactly. Reverse frame. 231 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,880 This is the first time an A-lister has been out and proud 232 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:04,280 from the skin-collecting community. 233 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:05,960 Wow. Love that. I'm writing that down. 234 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,280 That's so good. 235 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:08,920 He's not out and proud. 236 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:11,480 He employed us to bury the evidence. 237 00:09:11,480 --> 00:09:13,000 Well, actually, I think he employed us 238 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,080 to wage war on the rampant kink-shaming in Hollywood. 239 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,400 Skin-collecting's not a kink. 240 00:09:17,400 --> 00:09:19,760 A kink is having sex on a swing 241 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,560 or while you think about someone else. 242 00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:25,200 People should be ashamed of some things 243 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,240 and keep them hidden deep inside them. 244 00:09:28,240 --> 00:09:30,920 (LOUD VIBRATING) (MOANS) 245 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,200 (INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS) 246 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:35,480 OK, great. 247 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:37,880 Well, looks like you know what you're doing. 248 00:09:40,680 --> 00:09:42,680 So, what do we think that was? I have no idea. 249 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,200 Finally, Meredith. 250 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:00,520 Yes. 251 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:01,600 You're perfect. 252 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,760 Have a morally acceptable time, Archie. 253 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:06,720 Oh. 254 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:09,200 Oh, right. 255 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,200 OK. 256 00:10:11,480 --> 00:10:13,000 I'm going to book in 257 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:16,560 for the Solo Calde Golden Foot Scrub Package. 258 00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:19,240 Oh, and the Eight Hands Massage. 259 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,720 And for sir over there? 260 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,840 Oh, he can have what he wants. 261 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:27,480 Oh, except for the skin exfoliation treatment. 262 00:10:29,520 --> 00:10:32,880 Sir, we have a no phones policy. 263 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,280 Oh, I don't have a phone. 264 00:10:34,280 --> 00:10:35,720 It's just I'm an actor 265 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,200 and sometimes I think some people think 266 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,480 that I have a phone when I don't, just 'cause they see me on screen. 267 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:40,480 But easy mistake to make. 268 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,960 We can see the phone beside your leg, Archie. Come on. 269 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,000 (SIGHS) 270 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,280 Hello, mate. Hello! 271 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:11,240 Welcome to the Star Toys universe. 272 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,640 Greg, sorry Ian couldn't be here. 273 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:16,160 Look, I'm sure he sends his best. First time here? 274 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,760 Yeah. Wow, exciting for you. 275 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:18,840 Argh! Jeez! 276 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,400 DOLL: I'm beautiful. Every single time! 277 00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,400 That's our educational doll range. 278 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,280 Such a great initiative! 279 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:28,640 So, what seems to be the problem? Oh, this way. 280 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,120 Oh, my niece wants one of these! 281 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,760 No, she doesn't. 282 00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,240 Oh! 283 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,640 (COUGHS) 284 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:40,080 Oh, God! 285 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:43,360 Why discuss skin collection when wind farms keep killing whales? 286 00:11:43,360 --> 00:11:44,680 It's a Margaret Kone piece. 287 00:11:44,680 --> 00:11:46,240 I've got her running the whataboutism angle. 288 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:47,960 That is so good. (PHONE VIBRATES) 289 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:49,880 Oh, my God, and this is Amanda about the listicle. 290 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,080 Oh, perfect. Amanda... 291 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,320 Are you working with Margaret Kone? 292 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:55,280 I love Margaret Kone. 293 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,200 Ian, I am Margaret Kone. 294 00:11:57,200 --> 00:11:59,520 Well, we're all Margaret Kone, aren't we? 295 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:03,040 No. Like, I quite literally am Margaret Kone. I created her. 296 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:04,640 She's one of my several aliases that I use 297 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:06,920 to influence conversation online. 298 00:12:06,920 --> 00:12:09,520 But something about her centrist platitudes really resonated 299 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,440 with older audiences such as yourself. 300 00:12:11,440 --> 00:12:13,440 And then editors were messaging me, me as Margaret, 301 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,440 asking me for op-eds and think pieces. 302 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,000 She really took off. 303 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,400 Yeah, yeah. 304 00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,120 But I mean, she has gone off the boil a bit 305 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:22,520 in the last few months. 306 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:23,800 Oh, no, that sounds really good. 307 00:12:23,800 --> 00:12:26,000 I was just thinking, like, eight kinks making a comeback, 308 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,360 like shoe-sniffing, objectophilia... 309 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:29,600 Um, yeah. 310 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,360 I mean, something chill, like skin-collecting. 311 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,040 That also works. What about... What about eating poo? 312 00:12:34,040 --> 00:12:35,560 You know, like the scat stuff. 313 00:12:35,560 --> 00:12:38,640 (INTERMITTENT LOUD VIBRATIONS) (MOANS) 314 00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:42,800 No, sorry, I am still here. 315 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,040 Yep, live by this afternoon would be...would be great, Amanda. 316 00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:46,040 Thank you. 317 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,720 Are you OK, Ian? Anything you want to tell us? 318 00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,720 OK, girls. I'm back on deck. Have you done anything at all? 319 00:12:53,720 --> 00:12:56,280 Oh, we have bombarded our online contacts 320 00:12:56,280 --> 00:12:57,720 with our anti-kink-shaming campaign. 321 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,600 It's a movement and a perfectly acceptable lifestyle choice. 322 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:02,560 On the pink feed, we have Nikki Lake doing a deep dive 323 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,040 on how skin-collecting is actually a racially inclusive kink. 324 00:13:05,040 --> 00:13:07,320 Yep, and on the blue feed, we have Doctor Hugh Memphis doing a video 325 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:09,520 about how social stigma affects the frontal cortex, 326 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,320 therefore kink-shaming causes brain damage. 327 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:13,280 Mm-hm. And our Estonian design team is doing all the text 328 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:14,320 and animation for that. 329 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:16,800 Authentic social media presence is all about spoon-feeding influencers 330 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:18,840 information that you bought from Estonians. 331 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,920 So, but what the fuck does any of this mean? 332 00:13:21,920 --> 00:13:23,360 Are you following this? 333 00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:26,560 No, and I don't think anyone cares 334 00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,880 about that failed model turned fake doctor 335 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:31,920 making videos about skin. 336 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:33,800 That's right. Who is this guy? 337 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,120 Ian. Ian Randell. 338 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:39,000 Wait, the Randell of Fritz and Randell? 339 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:40,320 Why isn't he on this brief? 340 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,560 OK, re- our social outreach, this algorithm will place the vids 341 00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:45,640 in front of anyone who has lingered on Njord content 342 00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:47,640 for longer than three seconds in the last 60 days. 343 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,080 That's everyone we need to reach to influence the conversation. 344 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:51,520 Everyone. 345 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:57,120 Look, those are fancy stats, girls, but the way I see it, 346 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:58,920 we need to be hitting the decision-makers, 347 00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:00,720 the movie studios, 348 00:14:00,720 --> 00:14:03,440 the Jeb Carsons of this world. 349 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,160 That's absolutely right. 350 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,760 This isn't about whether Brandon Nobody 351 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:11,280 from Butthurt, Ohio thinks that skin-collecting is 352 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,000 a new social movement, 353 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,840 because he's not the one 354 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:19,480 making $300 million investment decisions on movie franchises. 355 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:22,240 Yes, I am agreeing with this. 356 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,880 I know, I know TikToks are fun, girls, 357 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,680 but maybe we should get the Wall Street Journal talking 358 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:32,560 about how movie studios would be a lot more profitable 359 00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:34,600 if they stopped getting so worked up 360 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:37,480 every time a guy jerks it into a pot plant. 361 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:39,040 (LOUD VIBRATIONS) Oh! 362 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:41,000 (MOANS) 363 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:44,360 (INTERMITTENT VIBRATIONS) (MOANS) 364 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,040 GREG: I mean, it's fascinating, really. 365 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,000 You know, the lithium bank's just a little bit... 366 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,680 ..a little bit too close to the capacitors. 367 00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,160 So the shielding, you know, creates a kind of a shaped charge. 368 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,320 Shaped charge? Yeah. 369 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,720 Upwards. 370 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:58,440 I mean, basically a precision hit to the genitals 371 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:02,120 to anyone who's standing on the board at the time. 372 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,120 Oh! Oof! 373 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,920 (THEY COUGH) 374 00:15:06,920 --> 00:15:08,960 And this is marketed at children? 375 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,360 Yeah, well, that's why I couldn't email you the photos. 376 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,320 But we're following Ian's playbook on this. 377 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,960 We're doing the corporate love method. 378 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:16,560 Yeah, I mean, you just tell the parents 379 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:17,800 that it's an isolated incident, 380 00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,040 pay their medical bills while the kids do a factory tour, 381 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:23,400 and in return, they sign a watertight NDA, 382 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,800 buying their silence in perpetuity. 383 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,400 I mean, most of them have been delighted. 384 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:28,240 OK, well, then, what's the problem? 385 00:15:28,240 --> 00:15:29,360 A hold-out. 386 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:31,120 One of the parents wants to go to the press. 387 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:34,280 And, look, once that happens, then they'll all know 388 00:15:34,280 --> 00:15:35,880 that this wasn't an isolated incident. 389 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,240 It's going to bloody ruin us. 390 00:15:37,240 --> 00:15:38,960 Oh, well. 391 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:40,360 OK. Wow. Um... 392 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,720 Well, I'll take these photos 393 00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,080 and I'll see what Ian thinks about them. 394 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:45,400 OK. 395 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,120 (MOANS) 396 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,680 Sorry. What the hell was that? 397 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:56,720 Uh, what was...? What was what? 398 00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,720 Uh, you were vibrating, Ian. 399 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:01,840 The sound was coming from inside of you. 400 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,720 Oh. Uh, that? 401 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:05,400 No. Yeah, I've heard that, too. 402 00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:08,480 I think maybe it's, uh, coming from the building or something. 403 00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,880 Ian, we're not stupid. 404 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,160 It's OK, Ian. 405 00:16:12,160 --> 00:16:15,200 And while we really appreciate you fully supporting our stance 406 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,560 on anti-kink-shaming... 407 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,240 It's just still super inappropriate 408 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:20,960 to have a vibrating butt plug up your arse in the office. 409 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:24,280 Up your arse. What? No, no, it's not... 410 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:25,960 You probably take the butt plug out your arse, Ian. 411 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,000 Take your butt plug out, Ian. 412 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,560 I mean, it's not... Go take out your butt plug, Ian. 413 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:35,240 It's not a butt plug. 414 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,560 (SIGHS) That's why he's not on this brief. 415 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,480 Sorry. 416 00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:49,600 Um, what goes into this cheesecake that makes it $265? 417 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,920 Raw cashew cream and sea gel. 418 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:54,000 Ooh, sounds disgusting. 419 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,320 We'll take three of them. 420 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:57,120 Archie, what do you want? 421 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,280 Oh, God. 422 00:16:58,280 --> 00:16:59,880 Come on. 423 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:01,320 (SIGHS) 424 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,560 (SCOFFS) 425 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,880 Look, can I just ask, 426 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,120 what is the most expensive treatment you do here? 427 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:15,800 Or should I just add Korean snail mucin 428 00:17:15,800 --> 00:17:17,520 to my hair Botox package? 429 00:17:17,520 --> 00:17:20,280 Well, our most sought-after programs 430 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:23,640 are with our systemic family healing guru, Susanna Bali. 431 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,480 And she's the most expensive? 432 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,760 She's the leading healer in the Pan Pacific, and she's 1,400. 433 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:30,520 Hmm? 434 00:17:32,880 --> 00:17:35,600 Tell my fridge to DM Claudia. 435 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,560 (ELECTRONIC BEEP) 436 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:44,320 What do you mean? Oh, great. 437 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,360 Apparently, Archie's been using his smart bottle to connect 438 00:17:46,360 --> 00:17:48,520 to his fridge to log into Instagram to DM a foot model. 439 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:49,520 Fantastic. 440 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,800 We have zero traction on our videos. What happened to the Kone op-ed? 441 00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,240 OK, it's published online, and so far it has, uh... 442 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:55,600 ..one comment. What is it? 443 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:57,280 "Fuck up Margaret Kone!" 444 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,800 Great. What about the listicle? 445 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,360 OK, well, they've taken the liberty 446 00:18:00,360 --> 00:18:02,440 of publishing two listicles. Well, that's great. 447 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:03,760 No, "Cool Kinks and Kinks That Stink". 448 00:18:03,760 --> 00:18:05,360 Oh, my God, what stinks? 449 00:18:05,360 --> 00:18:06,720 Skin-collecting. 450 00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,840 BOTH: Fuck! OK, we have to get this down. 451 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:10,880 Well, well, well. 452 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:12,960 Looks like your butt plug buddy was right. 453 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:14,360 Oh, well, actually, Spence, 454 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:17,240 the internet is like a complex marketplace of ideas, 455 00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:19,880 which takes time... To unfold into the play. 456 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,000 And it's different here. It's a long game, if anything. 457 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,040 You're in Australia now. It's the southern hemisphere. 458 00:18:30,680 --> 00:18:33,080 Oh, my God, it's Jeb Carson. 459 00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:37,600 No way. No way, no way. 460 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:39,400 No fucking way. Uh... 461 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:40,560 Wow. Hi. 462 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:43,440 Can I take this moment to say you are my favourite male auteur? 463 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,520 Jeb. Jeb, listen, we are across the online conversation. 464 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,600 I mean, every listicle journalist is a hack. People know this. 465 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:49,600 People are saying this. 466 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:52,280 Also, who cares what Kylie Blands from, um, 467 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:53,920 Lacklustre Town, uh... 468 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,000 Kentucky. ..have to say about kinks? 469 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,120 I mean, what do they know? 470 00:18:58,120 --> 00:19:01,560 I don't care what they think. Exactly. Because you're an artist. 471 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:03,640 I care what I think. Yes. 472 00:19:03,640 --> 00:19:05,240 Archie's out. Oh. 473 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,120 Let me guess. It was a nothing burger. 474 00:19:09,120 --> 00:19:11,280 Actually, a disaster burger. 475 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,320 The hover board has a defect. 476 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,400 They've been using your corporate love playbook on it. 477 00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,240 They're using the corporate love playbook on this? 478 00:19:19,240 --> 00:19:21,560 This isn't a corporate love playbook play. 479 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,080 This is a recall playbook play. 480 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,760 Have they recalled? They don't need to. 481 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,040 Except for this one person, 482 00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,960 Star Toys reckons the truth won't come out. 483 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:32,120 The truth will come out. You recall. 484 00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:34,880 You get ahead of the story, you accept responsibility, 485 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:36,880 and you control the narrative. 486 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:39,120 That is the only playbook to use 487 00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:41,400 when you're dealing with kids' genitals. 488 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:42,640 We cover up the sweatshops. 489 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,840 We do not cover up the sweatshops. 490 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,680 Well, yeah, we do cover up the sweatshops. 491 00:19:46,680 --> 00:19:48,760 But that's only because nobody's ever going to find out. 492 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,040 And even if they do find out, nobody actually cares. 493 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,520 Whereas people do actually care about this. 494 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:58,600 Cody, why wouldn't you immediately tell them to issue a recall? 495 00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:01,320 Every minute that we're not issuing a recall goes 496 00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:05,440 into the court transcript when this inevitably goes to court. 497 00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,800 I messaged you, you never responded. 498 00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,840 I haven't got any messages. 499 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:11,520 Oh, wait. There they are. 500 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,480 Oh, fuck. I'm still on Warsaw time! 501 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:17,120 Oh, the timestamps show 502 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:19,320 that you received these messages nine hours ago. 503 00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:22,720 That's not going to look good. Oh, fuck! 504 00:20:22,720 --> 00:20:24,920 MEREDITH: 35 years I worked for him. 505 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,160 It's just I never got a chance to say goodbye. 506 00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,760 And he was... 507 00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:33,600 He meant so much to me. 508 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,440 And now I don't even know if I knew him at all. 509 00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,840 My heart... (SMALL ITEM HITS FLOOR) 510 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:40,960 Sorry. 511 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,880 Sorry, Archie, I can see 512 00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,880 that you're writing something down there. 513 00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,040 Yeah, I'm taking notes. 514 00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:48,600 No, he's not. Yes, I am. 515 00:20:48,600 --> 00:20:50,040 I'm taking in the session. 516 00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:51,720 He's writing filth. 517 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:55,000 He's disgusting. See? No-one ever believes me. 518 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:56,920 Meredith, why do you think you always assume 519 00:20:56,920 --> 00:20:58,280 the worst of Archie? 520 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,400 I'll bet your entire $1,400 fee 521 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,600 that that note contains something unbelievably crass. 522 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,280 Like, "I'm a stiff little boy, 523 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,000 "and I'm going to peel all your dry skin off 524 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:10,240 "and keep it in my arse," for instance. 525 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:13,440 Hey. 526 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:16,960 Archie, can you hand me the note? 527 00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:19,960 Archie? 528 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:23,080 Archie. 529 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:25,920 Oh! 530 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,760 Sorry. 531 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:31,760 What does it say? 532 00:21:39,160 --> 00:21:41,160 We've got a lot of work to do here. 533 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,240 (WHIMPERS TO SELF) 534 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,720 Oh, God. You know what? 535 00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:47,480 This isn't fun anymore. 536 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,480 Not until the session is over, Meredith. 537 00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:51,440 (SIGHS) 538 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,880 My problem is Njord doesn't eat skin. 539 00:21:58,880 --> 00:21:59,880 He just doesn't. 540 00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,280 OK, again, there's no evidence that Archie eats skin, at this point. 541 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,320 There's no evidence. You're not listening to me. 542 00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:05,440 With a film like this, 543 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,320 you need to respect the origins of the text. 544 00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:08,880 If Njord suddenly collects skin, 545 00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:10,880 then the horse has already left the station, hasn't it? 546 00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,320 I mean, why not change Njord's name to Njora? 547 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,880 And why not say that Njora isn't a Nordic warrior 548 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,720 who watches over the fjord after all? 549 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,680 Because Njora is actually a lesbian bartender from Barbados. 550 00:22:20,680 --> 00:22:22,080 You know what I'm saying? 551 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,880 Er, we definitely hear the words you're saying, Jeb. 552 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:26,200 Nobody wants Njord to be a lesbian from Barbados 553 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,920 who collects skin, Jeb. No-one wants that. 554 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,080 He might as well be with Archie as Njord. 555 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,840 It's not true to the comic books or fair to the fans. 556 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,760 OK, so, sorry, you want to sack Archie Toole the actor 557 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:38,840 because, in your mind, he can no longer portray 558 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:41,080 a half-centaur Nordic god who fucks a snow goose 559 00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,000 in order to retain his ice powers? 560 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,120 The snow goose is from the original Swedish fairytale. 561 00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:49,120 We're adapting the manga retelling. Yes. 562 00:22:49,120 --> 00:22:52,600 So, um, I think where we're going wrong here, Archie is an actor, 563 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,440 so he's actually going to act the character. Um... 564 00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:57,280 He'll transform into the role. Yes. 565 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,680 You know how they didn't really find those big blue creatures 566 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:01,360 to play those big blue creatures in Avatar? 567 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:03,880 Those creatures were made on a computer. 568 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,880 How dare you talk about those fucking beautiful blue creatures. 569 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:10,880 I don't want Archie as Njord. 570 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:13,560 It's factually incorrect. And I'm the director. 571 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,520 Jeb! Jeb, wait, wait. 572 00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:16,840 I'm just gonna try something. 573 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:18,720 OK. Jeb, Jeb, Jeb, Jeb. 574 00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:20,560 Um, OK, so, uh, 575 00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,400 while we really respect your dedication 576 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,640 to protecting the integrity of the fictional Norse gods 577 00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:28,160 in your cinematic work, ultimately, we represent Archie. 578 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:31,440 So if you were to revoke his contract in any way, 579 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:33,960 then we would be forced to use the tools in our arsenal 580 00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,080 to punish you for that decision. 581 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:38,560 Oh, wow. OK, they're doing it. 582 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:43,280 Are you fucking threatening me? 583 00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:45,200 Not unless you're saying you've been extremely kind 584 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,760 to every woman that you've ever worked with, ever. 585 00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,840 Then we wouldn't be. 586 00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:56,360 I want you to know that myself and the Njord cinematic universe 587 00:23:56,360 --> 00:23:58,360 stand behind Archie Toole. 588 00:23:58,360 --> 00:24:00,280 Archie as Njord. 589 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:02,520 This is an important moment in kink history, 590 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,000 and I'm proud to be part of it, because I just love my kinks. 591 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,360 Because I'm an inclusive male auteur. 592 00:24:08,360 --> 00:24:10,120 Wow. I wonder what he did. 593 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:12,520 I mean, he's really going for it, so probably something quite horrific. 594 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:13,520 Hmm. 595 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:15,560 Just got to duck out. Something quite important. 596 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:16,560 What could be more important 597 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,400 than watching us nail the Archie case, Ian? 598 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:21,520 What's this? 599 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:23,120 Oh, my God! Oh, shit! 600 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:24,560 Ian! What? (LOUD VIBRATIONS) 601 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,840 (MOANS) 602 00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,480 It's not a butt plug. It's a... 603 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:30,920 Heart monitor. We know, Ian. 604 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,160 Nicole's grandmother had one, before she died of old age. 605 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:35,080 We are not letting you take on this brief, Ian. 606 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,040 But Greg's my oldest cl... Hang on. 607 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,440 You knew it was a heart monitor? 608 00:24:38,440 --> 00:24:40,320 This is not coming anywhere near our brand. 609 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,560 No, definitely not in the visual ethos memo. 610 00:24:42,560 --> 00:24:44,680 He's the first client I ever brought to the firm. 611 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:46,720 He's my friend. 612 00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:48,520 This is a branding issue, Ian. 613 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,480 And that's coming straight from the top, which is us now. 614 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,400 Your brand might be deformed children's genitals, 615 00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,600 but it is not our brand. It's not our brand, Ian. 616 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:58,480 ARCHIE: See, that's the thing. 617 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,000 It makes so much sense because she cut my brother's nails 618 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:03,600 and she cut my sister's nails, 619 00:25:03,600 --> 00:25:05,640 but she never cut my nails! 620 00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,440 Oh. 621 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,960 Oh, look, Archie. 622 00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:12,120 Looks like you're back on the film again. 623 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:14,480 So, they're taking care of you. 624 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,680 What? Really? Yes. 625 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:17,680 Oh, my God! 626 00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:20,840 That's such good news. 627 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,320 Oh, my God. 628 00:25:24,520 --> 00:25:25,880 I love you, Mum. 629 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:31,120 Ta! 630 00:25:33,280 --> 00:25:35,720 Does Susanna Bali have a business card? 631 00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:39,840 OK, so, Jeb is on board. 632 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:41,400 Fine. Great. 633 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,200 But also, who cares? Because this... 634 00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:44,840 ANNA MCDOWELL: What are your thoughts? 635 00:25:44,840 --> 00:25:48,240 If Jeb Carson is standing by him... (SCOFFS) 636 00:25:48,240 --> 00:25:50,120 ..I know the rest of the industry will too. 637 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:51,680 We're going to fight this. 638 00:25:51,680 --> 00:25:54,120 We don't want this story to just go away. 639 00:25:54,120 --> 00:25:56,160 We need this story to just go away! 640 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,800 OK, we understand that, but we've pulled in every favour. 641 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,240 Yes, Spence, at this point, all we can do is damage control. 642 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,080 Yeah, exactly. You can't just bury something like this. 643 00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:07,000 You'd need a whole new story to blow it out of the water. 644 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:08,960 Something more heinous. 645 00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,480 More sensational. 646 00:26:10,480 --> 00:26:12,280 Something more explosive. 647 00:26:18,480 --> 00:26:19,880 What? 648 00:26:19,880 --> 00:26:20,880 No! 649 00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:21,880 You can't! 650 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,360 Get the folder! Get the folder! 651 00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:24,360 Yes, do it. What is it? 652 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:26,000 Hi, Anna. Yeah. 653 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,600 I have the most heinous, explosive story to tell you. 654 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,200 Don't! No! Yeah. Two words. 655 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,520 Just... Child eunuch. I know. 656 00:26:32,520 --> 00:26:34,440 (QUIETLY) Just hang up! Hang up! Headline would be good. 657 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:35,520 Don't! 658 00:26:35,520 --> 00:26:37,000 I'm so proud of you, Archie. 659 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,360 I mean, how did we manage to turn this around? 660 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:40,440 I don't know. 661 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,200 ANNA MCDOWELL: And now to a horrifying exclusive report. 662 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,840 Dream gift or every parent's worst nightmare? 663 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,080 Tonight, explosive revelations 664 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:54,520 about a beloved toy turning children into eunuchs. 665 00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:55,920 Anna keeps messaging us, by the way. 666 00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:57,240 She wants to catch up for some reason. 667 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,400 Oh, I think we just ignore her. I agree with you. 668 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:03,160 IAN: No, I know you're not a mutilator. 669 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:04,880 Mate, you know me. 670 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:06,120 I wouldn't do that to you. 671 00:27:06,120 --> 00:27:08,040 It's not in my playbook. 672 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:09,240 It went above my head. 673 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:10,680 Oh, my God, it's Bobby. Finally. Answer it! 674 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:11,840 OK. Get it. 675 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,960 Hi, Bobby. Girls, congrats on the Archie fix. 676 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,840 Handled as delicately as the skin he puts in boxes. 677 00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:19,320 Uh, thank you, Bobby. Thank you. 678 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:20,640 Oh, we had one thing we wanted to ask you. 679 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:22,560 Just when the board is going to ratify our position? 680 00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:24,160 Yes. Just, you know, for our security, 681 00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:25,880 financially and emotionally. 682 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,120 Girls, girls, this is a big thing for the board. OK? 683 00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:32,280 For a start, I had to sit them down and explain what a woman was. 684 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:34,240 Unlike Archie, they need to make sure 685 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,280 that your talents aren't skin deep. 686 00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,960 So, just do everything perfectly and you'll be fine. 687 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,040 Alright? OK. Bye. 688 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,080 OK, but can we just get a...? Absolute... 689 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:47,400 What does that mean? I have no idea what that means. 690 00:27:47,400 --> 00:27:49,160 (PHONE VIBRATES) She's still calling. 691 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:51,160 I can't. I'm done. Honestly, just ignore her. 692 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:52,160 What does she want from us? 693 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,760 We just gave her the biggest story of her career. 694 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,160 No, no, I totally agree with you. 695 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,880 Oh, Greg... 696 00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,000 Oh, no... (SIGHS) 697 00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,000 Oh, I understand. 698 00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,800 It's so beautiful seeing a face with so many stories etched into it. 699 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,600 Oh, thank you, Archie. 700 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,400 Did you work with Frank for...how long you said? 701 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:17,440 Oh, around 30 years. 702 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:21,360 Frank Fritz is gone too soon. 703 00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,160 I always had such a good time on his yacht. 704 00:28:26,160 --> 00:28:28,200 Sorry. His what? 705 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,520 His yacht. His superyacht. 706 00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:32,080 His...superyacht? 707 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,480 Yeah. 708 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,160 Oh, yes. 709 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,480 His superyacht. Yeah. 710 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,280 It was just incredible energy on there. 711 00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:42,800 You know, it was, like, powerful. 712 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,200 I just... His parties, they always... 713 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:49,280 It always like, sparked something in me, spiritually. 714 00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:53,000 Physically. 715 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,040 Oh, hey. 716 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,000 No, I think you should probably just... (SIGHS) 717 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,080 (HIGH-PITCHED) Shit! 718 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,240 (EXPLOSION AND SCREAMING) 719 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,240 Captions by Red Bee Media 720 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:15,240 Copyright Australian Broadcasting Corporation 54656

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