Original subtitles

Here on the French Riviera is the world famous Cap

d'Antibes. English translation, bring money.

For this resort town is truly the playground of millionaires.

I wouldn't mind playing there myself.

I wonder if I could travel now and pay later.

And how would you get the money later?

Simple. Marry one of the millionaires.

Isn't it wonderful, Mike?

Lying here on the beach at Waikiki.

Loco, wake up.

I'm up. Who can sleep on such hard sand? You know,

I think you've been out in the sun too long.

I wonder if we'll ever get to any of those romantic

places like Waikiki or the Riviera or Palm Beach.

With the guys we've been dating lately,

we'll be lucky if we ever get to Coney Island.

Well, they say if you wait long enough, your Prince Charming's bound to come along.

Well, I hope he shows up before this princess looks like the Queen Mother.

Oh, Gwen must be home from her date.

Good night, George. I had a lovely evening.

Maybe she got a live one.

Oh, that's all right, George. You can mail me the 40 cents I laid out. Good night.

Hi. Hi.

I sure can pick him. So we heard.

And it looked so promising when he called for you. Cab waiting downstairs?

Sure the cab was waiting. It drove us to the subway station.

Wouldn't you know it.

Did he at least take you to a good movie?

To give you a rough idea, the coming attraction

sign in the lobby said, next week, Garbo talks.

Where did he take you to dinner?

Oh, I took him. After all, he paid for the movie.

Why do we always get stuck with dates like this? I don't know, Mike,

but I've been going Dutch so often lately,

I feel like getting a pair of wooden shoes.

No more dates with anyone we're not sure of, okay?

Maybe we should make them put up a deposit before we go out.

Might not be a bad idea. Well, let's go to bed.

I've got a rough day tomorrow. Oh, me too.

I have three modeling jobs. What are you modeling, local?

Nail polish.

What a waste of film.

And the playwright can only give you the lines to say.

The rest is up to you.

The important thing to remember that an actor never portrays a character.

He becomes a character.

He lives it. He breathes it.

He carries it around with him 24 hours a day.

His personality has changed completely.

That sounds like a real challenge, Mr. Coleman. Every part is a challenge.

To be something you're not?

Well, that's what I want you to work on for next week's meeting.

I'll let you all pick your own characters. Anybody have any ideas?

I do.

Mr. Frazier? I'd like to work on a prize fighter.

All right.

But as an ex-football player,

why don't you pick something completely away from athletics?

Say, a bookkeeper.

Mr. Coleman.

Mr. Jackson.

Well, I thought I might like to try a bum, a panhandler.

That's really a challenge.

It's certainly quite the opposite from the way you've been brought up.

Well... You think you could handle it?

Well, I'd like to try. All right.

But you know what? This ought to be interesting, Jim.

I wonder if I really can do a pen, huh? Well, how can you miss?

If you don't have any luck in one street,

you can have the chauffeur pick you up in the town car and take you someplace else.

Yeah, well, I want to do this right.

For the next week, I'm going to be Philip Jackson Bond.

What's this?

I see a prospective client.

Oh.

Oh.

You poor man. Are you sick?

Oh, no.

I just haven't had anything to eat for two days.

Oh, then it can't be indigestion.

I mean, you must be hungry.

Could you please let me have a little money for something to eat?

Of course.

You can't go around begging on an empty stomach.

Oh, thank you, lady.

I'll never... Oh, wait a minute.

You're not going to spend this on liquor.

Oh, no, lady, no. I just want some food.

That's what they all tell you. I'm so hungry.

Come on, I'll buy you a meal.

I wonder what'll happen to me tomorrow.

Tomorrow, you're going to find a job.

All you need is confidence.

You know, you're a pretty wonderful person.

You really think so?

Well, I better be getting home, and you should too.

I am home.

This is where you live?

Well, I know air conditioning is wonderful, but this is ridiculous.

Let me give you some money for a room.

Well, don't be proud. Take it.

Uh, all right, uh, if I can pay you back.

You'd better. I'll have to stay home and play Parcheesi.

Uh, where can I meet you?

I live at... Uh, no, I...

I'd better drop around here some night and see how you're doing.

Oh, well, how about tomorrow night?

Oh, well...

No.

No, I'm sorry. I'm busy. I've got lots of things to do.

Well, good night.

Good night.

8 o'clock, be OK?

8 o'clock. The door will be open.

Good night.

Good night.

Library again, local?

That's right.

What are you reading these days?

Words?

I mean, what's the subject matter?

Oh, well, I haven't gotten up to that yet.

Gwen, she's not going to any library. All right,

but what can she possibly be doing every night?

Ask me something simple, like where do elephants go to die? Well,

there's one way to find out.

Maybe we should hire a detective and have her

followed. Gwen, that would be terrible.

Loco's entitled to go anywhere she pleases. She's not a criminal. Hire a detective.

Okay, then what'll we do?

We'll follow her ourselves.

The library, huh? Yeah. It's the first time I've

ever seen a librarian kiss one of the customers.

I'm home.

What's the matter?

How is the library, loco?

Oh, fine.

You know, I never knew they had a library under the trees in Central Park.

Must be a branch library.

What? A little chilly, isn't it? Why?

You can get an education and double pneumonia at the same time.

Unless, of course, you have somebody to keep you warm.

You, you spied on me. That wasn't very nice. You lied to us.

That wasn't very nice either.

Who is he? Oh, Philip Jackson, a friend of mine.

When he kissed you, we assumed he wasn't an enemy.

What kind of a fella takes a girl out on a date to Central Park?

The same kind that tries to go Dutch, and you know what we decided about that. Oh,

you don't have to worry. We've never gone Dutch.

Really? What does he do for a living?

Well, he, uh...

He doesn't do anything. It's nice work if you can get it. Loco,

there are two kinds of people in this world who don't

do anything for a living. Bums and millionaires.

Well, that's it.

He's a... He's a millionaire.

And he meets you in the park.

He's li...

He likes fresh air.

He's a fresh air type millionaire.

Now that's a new one.

What's the difference? If he's a millionaire, he can breathe anything he wants.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, good night, everybody.

Just a minute.

Loco, why didn't you tell us about him?

Well, I... I wanted to surprise you.

All right, we're surprised. Sure.

Let's meet him. Invite him up here. Get on the phone and call him.

Well, I don't know where to reach him. I mean, I mean, his phone is unlisted.

You know how these millionaires are.

They only talk to other millionaires.

Well, all right. The next time you meet him at the library, you can invite him here.

It's a beautiful night, isn't it?

Yes, the moon is lovely.

The moon?

Loco, you're looking at the clock on the consolidated building.

Well, how could I make a mistake like that? Oh,

no wonder I couldn't tell the difference.

The cloud just passed in front of the moon.

Loco, do you feel all right?

Yes, but something's bothering me.

I hope it's me.

Mm-hmm.

My roommates Gwen and Mike want to meet you.

Well, I'd like to meet them too.

I, um, I told them you were rich. Don't be rich.

You didn't.

I did.

Philip, will you do something for me?

Come up and meet Gwen and Mike, and, well,

sort of make believe that you're wealthy.

And then after they get to know you and like you, we can tell them the truth.

Uh-huh, that you're really a bum.

Loco, you're priceless.

Oh.

Well, I'm glad you're not angry.

Darling, would it make any difference in your

feelings for me if I did have a lot of money?

Of course not. I'd forgive you.

Well, there's something I've been trying to tell you.

The truth is that I have a... Please, let's not talk about love now.

Well, I'm not talking about love.

I do have money, lots of money.

Oh, that's terrific.

You make it sound so convincing. No, no, but I am.

I'm rich.

Look, my father is Silas Jackson.

Jackson Steel Company.

Well, he's one of the wealthiest men in the country.

That's wonderful.

But save all those lies for Gwen and Mike. Do you want me to write them down,

or will you remember them?

Cream or lemon?

Plain.

You have a lovely place here, girls.

Thank you, Mr. Jackson.

Fellow, please.

Reminds me of our apartment in Paris.

Overlooking the Seine, I suppose. Oh, don't be silly, Gwen. With their money,

they didn't overlook anything.

Dad and I went to Paris last spring. We took the big yacht.

Terrible trip, though. We were seasick all the way.

Loco tells us your family is in the steel business.

That's right.

According to the stock report, steel got off to a rather sluggish start today.

Well, it was a cold morning.

Well, as a matter of fact, I'm not too active in Daz's business,

but he tells me he's been trying to diversify his interest.

That's very interesting.

Yes, I always say if you don't diversify, where are you?

Well, he says he's got some big deal cooking Brazil right now.

Mike, you're in Wall Street. Do you know anything about South American potash?

Oh, no, but she's just crazy about Cesar Romero.

Well, he says there are millions to be made in the potash market.

Oh, yes, he might even open up a chain of them.

All this talk about millions of dollars makes me feel so, uh, poor.

Well, money isn't really important, is it, Philip?

Oh, no, you know the old saying, money brings nothing but misery.

Yes, but with money, you can pick the type of misery you like best.

Well, of course, it's getting late. I suppose we'd better be going.

Oh, all right.

I'll just be a minute.

Gwen, can I borrow your black velvet evening bag?

It goes so well with what I'm wearing tonight. What are you wearing?

Your black and white print dress.

Oh, thank you. Don't wait up for me.

All right, have a good time. Bye-bye.

Bye.

Well?

He's certainly good-looking. Yes, he is. Got nice manners. Yes, he has.

Behaves like a real gentleman. Yes, he does. He's a phony. Yes, he is.

What?

Why, Mike, I thought it was very sincere.

Gwen, all this talk about steel and potash, his apartment in Paris.

People with money never talk about it except to their lawyers.

Oh, I don't know, Mike.

We took the big yacht to Europe. What happened to the little yacht?

Maybe they sent that ahead with the caviar and champagne.

I'm sure of it.

Meeting Loco in the park every night.

He's as phony as a $3 bill. Well, he could fool me. Well, of course, honey.

That's the way these crooks work.

They're smooth.

All right, if you're so sure.

What are we going to do about it?

We'll find out where he lives. Then on our way to work tomorrow,

we'll stop by his house and check up on him.

If he is a phony and we have to tell Loco, she'll

absolutely flip. Well, it's for her own good.

And besides, she'll look absolutely beautiful in a strapless straitjacket.

Now, Charles, be a sport. But it's liable to cost me my job, sir.

You know how your father is about things like this. Look,

if he makes any trouble, I'll straighten it out.

Yes, but I... Look, Charles,

I've been working on this new characterization for days now.

I have to have it ready for class tomorrow.

Come on, now.

Very well, sir.

Look, why don't you go into the kitchen and relax now?

Yes, sir.

And remember, your father likes his eggs. Exactly three minutes. Very well, sir.

Morning, Charles. Good day, sir.

See, Philip hasn't been down yet. No, he hasn't, sir.

Well, perhaps you'd better get him up and... Hey, what's going on here?

I beg your pardon, sir? No.

That drummer school again.

What have you done with Charles?

Stuffed him in a laundry bag?

I'm Charles, sir.

Last week, you were a bum. The week before, a pickpocket.

Every time I reached for my wallet, we shook hands.

An actor must be prepared to play any kind of a role, sir.

It's a challenge.

I suppose next you'll be playing Jane Mansfield.

Oh, no, sir.

I'd have to dye my hair.

Philip, when are you going to stop this nonsense and come back to the office?

It's Charles, sir. All right, then, Charles.

Bring me my breakfast.

Right away, sir.

Five, ten, this is it. It's a pretty big place. Oh,

it's probably just a rooming house.

Any questions?

A surprise party for Loco? Why?

It's our anniversary. We met exactly one month ago today.

Well, you girls know how I feel about her. She's so, well, so genuine.

That's more than you can say for a lot of people.

Who's going to pay for this party?

Well, don't worry about that. I'll have someone come in and cater the whole thing.

Since when does the automat make up hors d'oeuvres?

I'll have the Waldorf take care of it.

You could do the serving yourself and cut out the middleman.

Now, there's a cute idea.

No, I'll have it done professionally. Nothing lavish, you understand.

Just a few cocktails, a few canapes.

How about frog's legs? You could have them served on tiptoe.

Or sardines on toast with little apples in their mouths.

Well, now, let's not lose our heads.

Now, look, Mr. Jackson, before you do any more talking about parties,

I think there's something you ought to know that

we know that you should know that we know. Gwen, wait a minute.

She always gets so excited about parties.

Let me finish. Will you, Mike? Please.

Philip, we'll be very happy to help you make the party a big success.

Oh, thank you. I knew you would.

Well, look, I'll take care of everything. I know we'll have a wonderful time.

Good night, Mike.

Good night.

Good night, Gwen.

Good night, Gwen.

Good night.

That phony.

Mike, why did you stop me? I was gonna tell him off.

Gwen, don't you understand?

Loco is very fond of him. She wouldn't believe us if we told her the truth.

So we'll have to let her find out herself the hard way. How?

He'll give the party, but he won't be able to pay for it.

So he'll borrow the money from Loco. And then she'll know he's a phony.

Hey, good thinking, Mike.

We'll fix that... that phony. 1939.

A great year for champagne.

You ought to know. Yes, I'll bet you served a lot of it.

As a matter of fact, Dad is very fond of champagne.

Oh, good old Dad.

You know, this is gonna be a great party.

Can you imagine Loco's face when she walks in that door?

I wonder what she'll say first.

Help?

Yes, and then we'll pick her up off the floor, and she'll say it again.

Look, I'd better have the waiter put these on ice.

Hold down the fort. I'll be right back.

I don't like the idea of him in the kitchen. We should have counted the silverware.

Oh, don't worry. Our pattern is open stock at the dime store. Oh, he's a cool one.

Ordering canopies and champagne. And a special waiter.

It's all right.

Let him get himself in deep. It'll teach Loco a good lesson about men.

Watch it.

Well, everything's set.

If you ask anybody ready to serve in the can of peas and cock... Oh, hold it.

That's probably Loco.

Oh, shh. Let's all be quiet.

Surprise, surprise!

Should old acquaintance be forgot? Happy birthday,

bon voyage! Congratulations, anyone!

What's the idea? Well, it's got to be one of them.

No, darling, this is a surprise party for you. We met exactly one month ago.

Oh, yes, Phillip arranged the whole thing. Isn't that sweet? Sweet and expensive.

Oh, that is sweet, Phillip, and I... Wait, who's paying for this?

You are, darling. Now, listen, Mike, stop joking.

I'll take care of everything.

You?

Don't worry, Loco. I'm sure you can throw a cocktail party on time payments.

Where's the cork for that bottle?

We carry cork champagne. The bubbles are gone.

Never mind. We'll buy some more bubbles. Loco,

you've only had one part of the surprise. There's more.

You ready? You better hang on to something.

Your millionaire friend there isn't really a millionaire at all.

Oh, I know that. You do?

Do you know he's a butler and he works at a place over on Fifth Avenue?

Philip, you got a job!

No. No, I didn't get a job. I've always been just exactly who I am. Philip Jackson.

My father is Silas Jackson.

You don't have to lie anymore. They know. He's really a bum.

No, that was only a characterization for my dramatic class.

Oh, Philip, will you please stop lying?

Look, I can prove who I am.

I brought you an anniversary present.

Now then, does that look like something a bum could buy?

Remember that robbery they had at Tiffany's where they smashed the window? It's hot.

Philip, did you really go out and steal this necklace for me?

Did I?

Yes.

Yes, I went and stole the necklace for you.

I could never love a man who was a liar and a thief.

Oh, now listen.

You better go.

Please, listen.

Back to the park.

Maybe they'll renew your lease.

Oh, what's the use?

Just a moment.

Use the service elevator through the kitchen, Jeeves.

Gee, it's kind of a shame. He's such a nice-looking bum.

We're sorry you had to find out like this,

Loco. Believe me, honey, you're better off.

Shall I serve the canapes now?

Canapes?

Anybody who touches those gets her wrist broken.

Take them back to the store for a refund. Well, I'll take care of that.

Yes?

How do you do?

I'm Silas Jackson.

You must be looking for your butler.

Butler? No, my son.

He invited me to a party here.

Your son? Phil Lerp?

Yes.

He is here, isn't he?

You're Silas Jackson of the Jackson Jackson?

Why, yes.

Oh, no.

Which of you girls is local?

Believe me, Mr. Jackson, we all are.

I hope we're not going to be late. Oh, I hope not, too. Oh, we can't afford it.

Girls, I wonder if you'd help a fallout. I haven't eaten for days.

Oh, I'm sorry. Absolutely not. Oh, well, I have some.

Going down, please.