All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S02E04 - Guest with a Gun

This is the Sphinx, famed woman of
mystery in all her solitary grandeur.

Isn't that an interesting
expression on her face?

Almost makes you wonder
what she's thinking about.

Same thing every woman thinks about.

And what might that be?

How to marry a millionaire.

Mike, that soldier's still following us.

He's probably out for spring
maneuvers. Don't pay any attention to him.

Mike, our best friend.

Look at the yellow gold bracelet with
the blue sapphires. Isn't it stunning?

Yeah, but look at the white
price tag with the black figures.

It ruins the whole
color scheme, doesn't it?

Look at the pantyhose.

I beg your pardon?

Yes?

I was wondering, could you girls
direct me to a good restaurant?

That's a new approach.

Why don't you try the Central Park
Zoo? They feed the wolves at 2 o'clock.

You girls have me all wrong.

I'm so gentle, my draft
board almost rejected me.

Look, we don't want to be rude,

but we're not the kind of girls that
allow themselves to be picked up by strangers.

Strangers?

Don't you recognize the uniform?
It's one of ours. Come on, Gwen.

Anyway, we have a previous engagement.

Couldn't you put off your
engagement until after lunch?

There he is. Aren't you going
to let him know you're here?

Oh, yes. George! His name
is Philip George. Bye now.

Gwen, our date has very fine taste in
literature, the Wall Street Journal.

I always admire a man of letters,
especially when the letters are numbered.

And this car, you don't get a
wagon like this with green stamps.

Too bad we don't really know.

Yeah, the fellas we know.

The closest they ever come to a
car like this is when they wash it.

He's still there.

Come on, let's stop
dreaming and get back to work.

Uh-oh.

Any damage?

Just scratch the pain a
little. Let's get out

of here. Wait, Gwen. You can't walk away.

The least you can do is leave a
note and offer to pay for the damage.

That little scratch?
With your name and address,

so he'll know where to get in
touch with such an honest girl.

Yeah.

And then we could get together and
discuss the settlement over cocktails. Well,

naturally, a thing like this
calls for a meeting at the summit.

There, you'll never miss that scratch now.

I am responsible for
the damage to your car.

Please get in touch with me, Gwen Kirby.

Miss Gwen Kirby? Of course.

Do you think I should
sign it affectionately?

Just the address and phone number.

There we are.

Now, we'll just put it right here.

Like good citizens who know it's the
only thing to do under the circumstances.

That's right. Honesty is its own reward.

Let's hope not.

Well, you're home to home,
kid. You want to page the page.

I want you to be hurry up.

I don't know, the whole
thing, he ran right into it. Yeah,

you want to spend the
whole day in court testifying?

You know, I can't see a
thing without my glasses.

Clever of you, Gwen. Do you think
you'll be able to see the damage?

Oh, I'm sure if he looks
hard enough, he'll see it.

It's the house phone. I'll get it.

Hello? Yes.

Who?

Charles Stewart.

The car. Send him up.

It's him. He's here.
Stand by for the countdown.

Let's get this place straightened up.

Just don't anybody move the sofa.

Gwen, I think you
ought to change the dress.

Get into something
with a little more oomph.

How about my new backless cocktail
gown? I haven't anything to go with it.

Oh, are you kidding?
Besides, Loco hasn't even worn

it yet. That's all
right, I have. Oh, don't.

Oh, I'll need shoes.

You can borrow mine. They're in my closet.

Hurry up and change. We'll talk to him.

Now, Loco, this is important.
We've got to give Gwen a big build-up.

Oh, don't worry about a thing, Mike.

Have I ever let you down?

You mean completely?

How do you do? I'm Charles Stewart.

Oh, won't you come in?

Thank you. Are you Miss Kirby?

No, I'm Mike McCall, Gwen's
roommate. She'll be out in a moment. Oh,

this is Loco Jones, our
other roommate. How do you do?

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Lovely place you have here.

Most of the stuff is Gwen's.

She had it shipped down here when
they closed the place in Boston.

Last year's house.

Well, it's nice to know that she can
afford to pay for the damage to my car.

Oh, you must be joking. Gwen could
take care of that out of her egg money.

By the way, what kind
of a car does she drive?

A car?

Well, there's the convertible, that
little sports job, the station wagon.

That must have been the car
she was driving this afternoon.

This afternoon?

We were walking.

Walking?

When she did that damage to my car?

Well, of course.

Well, just how big is Miss Kirby?

Mr. Stewart, I'm
afraid I don't understand.

Oh, Gwen.

You must be Mr. Stewart.

I'm...

Gwen Kirby.

How do you do?

Thank you, dear.

Please sit down. Thank you.

Oh, I'm awfully sorry about the
damage to your car. It was an accident,

but I'm prepared to pay for it.

Well, Miss Kirby, wouldn't you rather
have your insurance company handle it?

Oh, I wouldn't bother them with such a
piddling amount. Did you get an estimate?

Oh, yes.

Here you are.

Oh, fine.

I'll just write out a check for... $1,800!

What?

Well, it's round figures.

Well, couldn't you
flatten them down a little?

Mr. Stewart, as soon as I looked at you,

I could tell you had a
wonderful sense of humor.

$1,800 for a little scratch?

A little scratch? You've got a
pretty good sense of humor yourself.

Oh, well, isn't that nice?
You two have so much in common.

Quiet, loco. Here's a picture
of my car after you hit it.

Does that look like a small scratch?

Oh, well, it's just got
some large wrinkles in it.

But, Mr. Stewart, I couldn't
have done that much damage.

Somebody else must have come
along and smashed into you.

Really?

I don't even have a car.

Oh, come now, Miss Kirby. What about
the small sports job? The convertible?

The station wagon?

Who told you that? I
think I'm getting car sick.

Now, look here, Miss Kirby.
You admit damaging my car.

There's the damage.

Unless you make immediate arrangements
to pay, you'll hear from my attorney.

But I can't pay $1,800.

Then I suggest you consult your
own attorney about arranging bail.

Hit and run is a crime.

Good day.

Anyone for cyanide?

Well, it seems to me all Gwen has to
do is prove she doesn't own a car.

But they could say I
borrowed someone else's.

Oh, who'd lend you their car
if that's the way you drive?

If only someone had seen that smash-up.

If only someone had seen us.

Mike could testify that she saw you, Gwen.

And Gwen, you could
testify that you saw Mike,

and I could testify
that I saw both of you.

Loco, that's perjury. You
weren't even there. Oh, well,

you could testify that I was.

That would make us accessories.

Well, that's a lot better
than perjury, isn't it?

Local, will you please keep
quiet before we all get the chair?

What we need is a witness.

Yeah, but there wasn't anyone,
only that soldier who followed us.

Mike, that's our witness, that soldier.

Sure, he could testify that...

Oh, we insulted him, we called
him a wolf, we brushed him off.

But I'm sure he'd help us if
he knew the spot we were in.

But where do we find him? Where
does a soldier go in New York?

I'm not going in any burlesque shows.

Look, if you want a soldier, there's
only one place to look. An army camp.

There's a big one out on
Long Island. Let's start there.

But we don't even know his name. There
must be at least 10,000 men in that camp.

Oh, we'd never find him.

I've got an idea.

You just wear that
dress, and he'll find you.

Well, from these records
kept by the officer of the day,

it indicates that at least a thousand men
had passes to leave this base yesterday.

I'm sure we could identify
the soldier, Colonel. We

should be able to. He tried to pick us up.

My dear Miss McCall, if a thousand men
had passes, a thousand men made passes.

Colonel, you've got to help us. I may go
to jail. And she looks terrible in stripes.

Colonel, what can we do?

Your only answer is for the
man to come forth voluntarily.

Let me try something. You see, we have
lodge speakers throughout the entire base.

We can talk to the men whenever we wish.

What a cute idea.

I suppose it keeps the men
from getting too lonely.

Uh, yeah.

Attention, all companies and
units. This is Colonel Gelley.

Yesterday, a man from this
command tried to pick up a...

We tried to make the acquaintance of two
girls at the corner of 4th and Willoughby.

I want that man to report to
my office at once. Repeat,

that man is ordered to
report to my office at once.

I get that.

Repeat, he is ordered to
report to my office at once.

Forrest and Willoughby, yesterday.

Jim, that's me.

Thomas J. Brady Jr., trying to pick up
girls? That doesn't sound like Ivy League.

Nothing happened.

That doesn't sound like the army.

I didn't feel like having lunch alone.

Oh, brother, with your kind of
money, if you wanted company,

why don't you just buy a
restaurant and give it away after lunch?

I'd better get over to
the colonel's office.

Are you kidding? The
colonel would have made that

announcement if he
knew who the soldier was.

Look, you go over there now,

you're gonna wind up spending
the rest of your life doing K.P.

Yeah, but the Colonel said...

How's it gonna look if the
newspapers get a hold of it?

Thomas J. Brady Jr., heir
to the Brady Steel Millions,

caught trying to pick
up strange girls, huh?

Dad wouldn't care for that. For that,
Dad could take away your polo ponies.

Oh, excuse me. Yes, sir.

Oh, yes, Corporal? Nobody's reported, sir.

Very well. Yes, sir.

Well, I'm sorry, girls.

That's all the Army can do.

Maybe we ought to try the Navy. I
understand they pick up girls, too.

Wait, I know what was wrong.
Don't you see what happened?

When the colonel made his
announcement, he ordered the man to report here.

You should have asked him nicely.

Hey, that's right. You can
always catch more soldiers

with honey than you can with vinegar.

Catch, soldier. Honey and vinegar.

Well, maybe it works better with flies.

You might have an idea, Mike.

Colonel, can I talk to the men?

Absolutely not. It's against regulations.

Thank you very much.

Attention, all you big,
handsome men, wherever you are.

This is Gwen Kirby, and I'd
just love to meet the tall,

good-looking soldier that
tried to pick me up yesterday.

Oh, no!

If that dream man is listening,
won't he please come up and see me?

I'm in Colonel Geller's
office, and I'll wait.

Honey?

Thirty years in the service of my
country and my career has to end like this.

Oh, go ahead, go ahead.

Attention, all you big, handsome men,
wherever you are. This is Gwen Kirby,

and I'd just love to meet the tall,

good-looking soldier that
tried to pick me up yesterday.

If that dream man is listening
to me, please come up and see me.

Well?

He's not in this bunch
either. Oh, are you sure? This

one's kind of cute. Loco,
please, this is serious.

Well, so am I. All right, couple.

Yes, sir. Detail, change, hut.

Left face, forward, hutch.

Well, girls, that's the last
of them. Are you satisfied?

Colonel, he's got to be here.

But we've just run out of troops.

Couldn't you borrow
some from the next camp?

Look, look, I'll make you a proposition.

I'll pay for the damage
you did to that car myself.

It'll take me years, but
I'll do it. Only, will you

please leave? Colonel,
listen! You don't understand.

If this goes on, we
could lose the Cold War.

Oh, no, don't tell me
more of them have shown up.

What's all the mystery?

I can't hear a thing. They're
probably talking in code anyway.

You don't say. Well, send
him in, Corporal. Yes, sir.

Colonel, which one of
you girls is Gwen Kirby?

I'm Gwen Kirby.

Detective Martin, 14th Precinct.

You know, I've been
looking all over town for you.

The elevator boy at your apartment
tipped me that I might find you here.

What do you want with her?

I have a warrant for
your arrest, Miss Kirby.

Charge, hit and run.

What?

All right, Miss Kirby.

But I haven't done anything.

Goodbye, Colonel.

You have a lovely place
here, and thanks for everything.

I signed a complaint against
this girl for hit and run driving.

I demand that the law run its course.

Don't start demanding things
around here, mister. Now pipe down.

Hiya, gang.

How's everything going?

I just went by the apartment to get a
change of clothes for Gwen. What for?

Well, you want to look
your best in jail, don't you?

I mean, if you make a good
impression, they might give

you time off for
neatness. I mean, I'm in jail.

Well, in case you do.

Open the jar of cold cream very
carefully. There's a vial in it.

I take her away before they put
her away. Who's this girl? Ah,

the three of them belong together.

It's a set.

Please. You better do
something quick. What?

Anything. Go into your act.

Sergeant, they're trying to put an
innocent person in jail. I haven't done anything.

Please.

You look like the kind of man
who might have a daughter my age.

Would you like to see her fingerprinted?

I haven't got a daughter.

All right, then. Would you like
to see your son fingerprinted?

I haven't got a son. I'm a bachelor.

Have you got a dog?

No.

Maybe you ought to try him on goldfish.

Sergeant, don't you see what she's
trying to do? I asked you again.

Look, lady, we don't decide
whether you're innocent or guilty.

Course not.

The courts decide that,
and I say she didn't.

Who asked you?

What do you want, soldier?

I'm here on behalf of Miss Kirby.
I understand she's been arrested.

The colonel gave me a pass
and told me the whole story.

Mike, look, it's him.

Of course it's him.

Who's him?

Well, I still say, who's him?

It's the soldier who saw us
yesterday. He can save Gwen from jail.

Oh, well, in that case... Well,
isn't anybody else going to kiss him?

Soldier, what have you
got to do with these girls?

I tried to pick them up yesterday.

Well, that's a misdemeanor.

But he didn't pick us
up. Oh, that's a shame.

He saw us walk away from his car
and leave it in perfect condition.

I'll testify to that.

Just because he's willing to testify for
Miss Kirby doesn't mean it's the truth.

It doesn't matter. The
warrant's been issued.

The only way we can stop it is if we get
evidence there's been no crime committed.

Officer, can I talk to you for a
couple of two or three minutes?

I'm very busy now, mister.

But this is very important.

Will you wait your turn?

That's right. Jail's the same as
anything else. First come, first served.

Sergeant, don't you have
enough evidence already?

This girl put a note on
my windshield admitting

she smashed the car and then ran away.

The sergeant's right.

We shouldn't all talk at
once. Now let's take turns.

You first, sergeant.

Will you shut up, lady?

All right. Now you.

Hold it.

There's no evidence to dismiss the
warrant. But I'm the one who knows it.

Will you keep out of
this? My uncle studied law,

and he told me you
cannot take a girl in. Quiet!

Take her inside and book
her on the charge, Martin.

Come on, lady.

If you really want to help,
you're on this side in cold!

Quiet! Because I'm the
one who hit the car!

Gwen, do you hear us?
Oh, Gwen, congratulations!

You saved her from jail!

Loco, he's the one who saved me.

I know, but he's better looking.

Mister, are you making a
confession to this hit-and-run?

I realize I was wrong, but
nobody get hurt, so I say nothing,

and then my
consciences start bothering me.

I'm sorry I gave you all this trouble.

It's okay.

Martin, take him inside and get
a statement from him, will you?

All right, mister. Let's go.

I lose my citizenship and, huh?

OK. Everybody, out.

And do me a favor. If you ever commit
another crime, do it in some other precinct.

Well, we got off to a bad
start, but I was wondering,

now that we know each
other a little bit better,

would you girls have dinner with me?

That's very nice of you, but
why don't you save your money?

Sure, if you have any
extra, send it home to Mother.

Really, the money is no problem.

We certainly appreciate it,
but we'll take a rain check.

All right, if that's the way you feel.

It's been nice meeting you girls,
and if you ever get in trouble again,

remember to call on Thomas J. Brady Jr.

Thank you, Tom. Goodbye.

Bye.

Bye-bye.

Sweet guy.

Wonderful to ever meet again. Well, at
least we've got his name, Thomas J. Brady Jr.

Mike, the Brady's steal millions! Of
course, there's only one Thomas J. Brady!

How do you like the look?

Wouldn't you know?

It's just... No logo.

Sorry.

I wonder if they've got a cell
in there big enough for three.

I'm ready, as long as it's padded.

Oh, Mr. Stewart.

Hello, is Miss Kirby at home?

Yes, won't you come in?

I just stopped by to
apologize for all the trouble.

He really should apologize. Oh, now,
wait a minute, Gwen. Let's not be hasty.

Remember the Wall Street Journal?

That Kirby's a block long.

I should keep an open mind.

Miss Kirby, I'm very sorry.

Thank you.

I'm really very sorry about...

Well, as I was saying, I am
very sorry about what happened.

Oh, that's all right. I can
understand how you felt about the car.

Sometimes these
accidents work out for the best.

You meet new people, make new friends.

You're too generous.

That's our Gwen.

I've been thinking, girls, would you
care to have dinner with me this evening?

We do have something to celebrate.

Well, well, well, yes. Well, fine.

We can go to some nice place
and really get acquainted.

Oh, we'd love that. It'll only
take us a minute to powder our noses.

All right, I'll wait for you downstairs.

I hate to leave my wife alone in the
car, and she's been dying to meet you.

His wife?

I don't know about you two, but I should
have gone to jail when I had the chance.

Local.

Oh, baby.