All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S02E02 - Whats Cookin with Loco

This is fabulous Las Vegas, where
fortunes are won and lost on the turn of a card,

the spin of a wheel, the roll of the dice.

That's the place for me.

Really? How can you be sure
you won't be one of the losers?

Not me. I've got a system.

And what's that, lady?

Very simple.

Marry one of the winners.

Hey, what's the idea, Mike?
The good guys were winning.

Oh, now, don't worry. They'll
still be winning an hour from now.

But the show will be off the air. Honey,
they'll be winning on some other show.

Well, now, tomorrow's Monday,

and we've got to have our board meeting
and sign the household jobs for the week.

See now, last week I cleaned the living
room and I did the cooking and shopping.

I made the beds and
took care of the laundry.

I washed the dishes. Right.

Now this week we're
going to change around.

Loco, you do the dishes.

Gwen, you do the... Wait a minute.

I've done the dishes almost every
week since we've lived together.

What a wonderful job you've
done too, loco. That's right.

We have three dishes without cracks
in them. You can fix that this week.

Crack those three and we'll
have a perfect set again.

I'm not going to keep on doing the dishes.

I've got dish pan hands.
Clear up to my elbows.

Well, it's the latest thing, local.
That's all they're showing in Paris.

Rough red hands for m'lady.

No, I want to do something
interesting for a change. Like what?

Well, maybe I could do the
shopping and cooking this week.

You prepare our meals? That's out.

Why? Because we're too young to
die, that's why. All right, local,

maybe you should have a different job.

How about cleaning the living room?

Think of all the fun you
can have sweeping everything

under the rugs and breaking the lamps,

scratching the furniture. No.

All right, you can bring the
newspaper in every morning.

How's that? Well, that's not a real job.

You can make it
important. Carry it in your tea.

You're just trying to make it sound
like fun, so I won't do the cooking.

Loco, you can't cook for us. Yes, I can.

It's my turn to do the cooking.
I know my rights. I'm a citizen.

You live here, too. Are you
prepared to eat your own cooking?

Care to give up your citizenship?

This is a democracy,
and I deserve a chance.

Well, you've heard of men laying
down their lives for democracy.

Now it's the women's turn.

There you are.

So long, pal. And if anything happens,
write to my folks. You do the same for me.

Wow!

How is it?

Oh, it's not bad.

If you don't take it internally.

Well, it's very good for you. I even
threw in some carrots for vitamin C.

It's good for your eyesight. In this
case, I'd rather not see what I'm eating.

This stuff even makes water taste
bad. Loco, please give up the cooking.

Oh, but this is only my first meal.

I'll get a cookbook. I'm gonna finish
out this week if it's the last thing I do.

Honey, if you finish out this week,
it'll be the last thing any of us do.

Just a pinch of baking soda.

Nice to meet you.

Hello. Well, good day.

Going up, please. Hi, Jesse. Hi, local.

Hello. Hello.

If you don't mind my saying so, miss,

but them are some mighty pretty
artichokes you've got there. Thank you.

Got any special way of fixing them?

Well, I, uh... Do you?

Well, I usually cut out the hearts first.

What a cruel thought.

I don't get you.

What do you do with them?

Well, I have my own special recipe.

Artichokes a la... A la what?

A la who?

Just a la...

Bye. Bye, Jesse.

Party chokes.

Chicken, chicken,
chicken, chicken, chicken. No!

Why couldn't you have
stayed in the egg? I don't

know how to cook those either. Oh, hello.

How to do?

I hope I'm not disturbing
you. Oh, not at all. Come on in.

Agnes, I'm Mr. Stockton's housekeeper.
We folks just moved in last week. Well,

welcome to the 22nd floor.

Thank you. I'm Loco Jones. Oh,
mighty pleased to meet you. Likewise.

Uh, Miss Jones, I hope you
don't think I'm being too forward,

but back in the elevator,

you were saying something about
a special way to fix artichokes.

I did?

Well, it's really nothing.

Mr. Stocking, he sure
loves them artichokes.

That's the reason I'm always
trying to find new ways to fix them.

Well, it's really very
simple. First, you take

them out of the bag.
Yeah, I'm with you, honey.

Then... You boil them.

Oh, that's right, you boil them.

With a little salt, maybe? No.

You boil the salt separately. Come again.

Then, after they're boiled,
you sprinkle them lightly.

With what?

Oh, just lightly.

Then, you spread them with butter and
boil them for ten minutes on each side.

Then, you...

Oh, what's the use?

What's bugging you, honey?

Oh, I don't know the first thing
about artichokes. I'm no cook.

I don't even know how to fry an egg.

I couldn't even fry water.

That's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that.

Oh, think how I feel.

In an hour or so, my
roommates will be home,

and I'm supposed to have
dinner ready for them.

I'll serve it to them, and they'll stick
up their noses in the air and laugh at me.

Well, that's woo.

Just once I'd like to
serve them a good dinner.

You know, something light
and fluffy and airy and tasty.

Oh, just once.

That's all I ask out of life.

Well, I guess I better be
getting back to my own kitchen.

Miss Jones, you look
like you're pretty smart.

I do?

Yes. You can learn how to cook, honey.

Thousands of folks do
it every day. Now look.

Let me whip up something for you, and you
watch every move I make, and then later,

you can do it for yourself.

Oh?

Do you think?

It's worth a try, ain't it? The way
things are now, you ain't getting no place,

and in a big hurry. Now,
come on, let's get together

here. All right, so, get some water.

Mmm.

That was beautiful. Yeah, Loco. How did
you do it? Oh, what's so hard about cooking?

Thousands of women do it every day.
It's only a matter of intelligence.

Exactly. What method did you use?

That's a fine thing to say after I've
spent hours bending over that hot stove. No,

honey, I was only
kidding. You're a genius. Yes.

You keep this up, and they'll soon have
Penthouse G listed with the diner's club.

Well, I just wanted to prove to you I
can cook. And as far as I'm concerned,

you can go right on
proving it. From now on, you

can do all the cooking.
That goes for me, too.

I just sneaked out a minute. How
did you make out? They loved it.

You didn't tell them
nothing, did you, honey?

Agnes, I'm so grateful to you.

Here, I want you to have this.

This is mighty generous.

Anytime you want me to help you again,
you just say the word. Not tomorrow. What?

That's the word.

They're expecting me to
keep up with the good work.

Honey, I just can't spend my
time over here. I'm supposed

to be cooking for Mr.
Stockton. That's my job.

Well, can't you cook for me, too?
What are you serving him tomorrow night?

Oh, maybe chicken.

Can you give me half of it?

Half of Mr. Stockton's chicken?

You're kidding me.

Well, if he says anything,
tell him it got in a fight.

Miss Jones, I can't be cooking for
you and Mr. Stockton at the same time.

It just won't work. I'd
be willing to pay you.

Come to think of it.

Why wouldn't it work? Now you're cooking!

Hi, Gwen.

My, guess who I just met in the elevator?
Our new neighbor. Male or female? Male.

Well, keep talking. Well,
Jesse introduced us. Ready?

It's Herbert J. Stockton.
I don't think I know any.

Wait a minute.

Herbert J. Stockton, Stockton Industries?

Uh-huh. Oh, Gwen, you've got to ride
the elevator more often. But, Mike,

he's handsome. Never mind that.

Let's see what Dunham Bradstreet, the
girl's best friend, has to say. Stockton,

Stockton, here it is. Herbert J.

Oil, magnesium, lumber, steel.
Herbie Boy's a millionaire, all right,

and the best kind of millionaire
with money. Jesse said he's so loaded,

even his piggy bank pays taxes.

Now for a plan. Let's get this
operation into orbit. What's the first move?

We blast off tomorrow night.

I invited him to dinner.

How wonderful. Loco, be right there.

Do you think the little princess
can handle it? Are you kidding?

After the meal she's been giving us?

Do you want me?

Loco, I've got some great news. We're
having a guest for dinner tomorrow night.

A guest? Well, I don't
know if we'll have enough.

It's Herbert J. Stockton, our neighbor.

Huh?

We'll have enough.

Now, Loco, this is important. We've
got to give him a millionaire-type meal.

Don't worry. He'll get what he's used to.

Gwen, I've got to hand it to you. It was
a stroke of genius inviting him. Well,

he's new in the building. It
was only the navel-y thing to do.

Absolutely. And besides, he told
me tomorrow is his cook's day off.

Well, that's the best
reason in the world. What?

Loco, have you got any
ideas for tomorrow night's

menu? Yes, what are we
having? Well, I don't know.

What goes good with arsenic?

Floco, aren't you
coming to bed? It's late.

Oh, I'll be in soon. I'm just going
over my cookbook for tomorrow night.

Decide on anything yet?

Yeah.

But it's too dangerous.

Nothing.

What's the matter, honey?

I can't do it.

I just can't go through with
that dinner tomorrow night.

What are you worried about, Loco?

All you have to do is serve one of those
wonderful meals you've been giving us.

Oh, he gets food like that all the time.
Hey, why don't I try something different?

Like what?

Well, I could run down to Lumpong's and
get a whole big bag of that chow mein.

Chow mein for a millionaire?

Well, we'd get fortune cookies, too.

Now, Loco, let's not be
ridiculous. All right, then.

How about cold cuts?

Cold cuts?

Yeah, with hot coffee.

You know, sort of a balanced meal.

I wish I could say as much for the cook.

I just can't go through with
that dinner tomorrow night.

Loco, why don't you get
a good night's sleep?

I'm sure you'll feel
better in the morning.

Not if I wake up.

I wish I could, honey. But I promised my
sister I'd help her look for an apartment.

She's moving next week. Oh, if you
don't help me, I'll be moving tomorrow.

Oh, please, Agnes. Well, why don't I
just give you a kind of easy recipe?

With me, there are no easy recipes.

I can ruin bread and butter.

All right. But all I can do is to fix as
much of the dinner as I can before I leave.

Then I try to get back early and
finish the cooking. Oh, Agnes, would you?

Us cooks got to stick together, honey.

I'll never forget you for
this as long as I live.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Yeah.

Don't.

As far as I'm concerned, the best
restaurant in Paris is Maxime's.

I brought back some of the recipes
for Agnes. Loco might like to see them.

Oh, believe me, she has so many of her
own, she wouldn't know what to do with them.

Has she ever made beef bourguignon?

Only the greatest. We
had it the other night.

So did I. Now I'm really
looking forward to dinner.

Can you give me a
little advance information?

Well, Loco never tells us
till she's ready to serve.

We're not even allowed in the
kitchen while she's cooking.

She's a little late tonight. Maybe
I better just go and have a peek.

Loco, how we doing? Loco.

Coco, aren't you ready yet?

Mike, I asked you not
to come into the kitchen

while I'm cooking. You know it upsets me.

Excuse me, but I just wanted to
know when dinner would be ready.

Can I have a taste?

Not till it's on the
table. Now out, please.

OK, but hurry it up,
will you? We're starved.

I find there's one thing you can't cheat
on when it comes to food, and that's time.

Well, I was wondering
when you'd join the party.

Oh, I can't stay. I must
get back to the kitchen.

Oh, I have to watch a
dinner like this every minute.

What's that?

While you're waiting, you might like some
hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres? Naturally.

Who ever heard of potato
chips as a main course?

Thank you.

As a rule, I don't like to get started on
these, but I love them. The trouble is,

I never know when to stop.
Then I'm too full to eat dinner.

Really?

Do you have any time?

Loco, isn't dinner ready yet?

Oh, can't be much longer
now, can it? Loco, it's almost

nine o'clock. Well,
just a few more minutes.

On the continent,
nobody ever eats before ten.

Here, let me freshen up
that martini for you.

Oh, dear, what have I done?
My important flight is ruined.

I'll have to call off
the dinner. I can't go on.

Call it off, I said.

And there it was, lying on the floor
of the oven, my beautiful souffle.

Collapsed!

Oh, what a shame. We'll just have
to get along without it, I guess.

What?

Get along without it?

Oh, you're not serious, Mike. Sure I am.
We'll have something else for dessert.

We'll open a can of peaches,
or we'll say... Absolutely not!

That souffle was part of the
dinner. Now the whole thing is ruined.

Oh, I can't go on. Part of
me just died in there. Well,

part of us has been
dying in here of starvation.

Uncle, you go out in that kitchen and
finish that dinner, or so help me, I'll...

Look, there's no sense in
getting all upset about this.

Loco's obviously a very sensitive type of
cook, and... Oh, I knew you'd understand.

Herb.

I'll take a rain shake. Tonight,
let me take you all out to dinner.

What a beautiful idea.

No, we couldn't think
of it. We invited you.

Nonsense. We're all
neighbors. We understand each other.

I'll just stop by my
apartment, get my hat and coat.

We invite a million dollars to
dinner, and you get a case of hysteria.

I can't help it. I take
my cooking seriously.

And unless a meal is perfect in every
little detail, it's not worth serving.

Oh, about her. Not so long ago,

she was serving us food that tasted
like southern fried horse blankets. Well,

I've learned a lot since then.

Look, Gwen, it might still be all
right. Mr. Stockton seemed to understand.

We have no choice now anyway.

Let's get our rafts.

Loco, did you turn the gas off
under the rest of the dinner?

I'll check it. Oh, no,
no, no. Let me. I'll do it.

I wonder where we're going for dinner.

Is everything OK,
Loco? Well, no, it isn't.

What's wrong?

When I saw all that food out there a
minute ago, I felt terribly guilty.

About what?

Well, I've gone to all this
trouble, Look at it this way.

Who am I to deprive
three people of a beautiful

meal just because my souffle collapsed?

I think she's flipped. You've changed
your mind you're willing to serve the meal?

She's flipped.

Agnes, what are you doing at home?

Well, I finished early with my sister,

and I thought I'd get a head
start on tomorrow's dinner.

Tomorrow's dinner. I see.

Agnes, when will this be done?

It's just about finished now, boss.

Good. I'll have it tonight.

Tonight?

Set the table for four.

And please hurry, Agnes.
We're all very hungry.

But you were feeling so
upset about the souffle.

I was wrong, Mr. Stockton.

It's just that I'm too much of a
perfectionist, I guess. After all,

we did invite you. That's right, and
you are going to be our guest. Now,

you go right back and tell Agnes not to
bother that you're having dinner with us.

All right, I guess not.

Okay, girls, battle station.

Well, Loco, what are you
waiting for? Go. Oh, no, it can't be.

I can't go through with it.

I thought I could do it, but I can't.

I just saw that poor little
souffle lying there like a flat tire,

and I realized that there was... Will
you stop worrying about the souffle?

We'll get a bicycle
pump. We'll blow it up for

you again, but go! She
doesn't need locals.

You said we could have
Stockton for dinner,

and that's exactly what we're going
to do. Now, you take your choice.

Either you serve him
what's out in the kitchen, or

we'll serve him
something else. Something else?

Your head on a platter with
parsley draped over your ears.

Get out in that kitchen and start
making like Oscar of the Waldorf.

Go!

We'd better go see if we
can stall Mr. Stockton.

Oh.

Well, fancy meeting you here.

Mr. Stockton, we have a slight problem.

The dinner?

Well, you know the souffle didn't
turn out right, and you know...

Loco. Please don't apologize. You
girls will have dinner with me.

No, we invited you. Remember, we
insist you have dinner with us.

But my cook has everything prepared.

I'll just go and get home.

No, you must have dinner with us.

Please, we'll discuss it no
further. It's all settled.

All right, you're going to be our guest.

Yes, sir.

Well, what can you do,
Gwen? That's the way it goes.

Well, I guess we've seen the
last of Herbert J. Stockton.

Unless we meet him in the hall
or the elevator. In which case,

he'll probably start the
conversation with goodbye.

Well, at least Loco finally
got the cooking problem solved.

Loco, it's almost 11
o'clock. Hurry up, we're hungry.

Who gets the corned
beef on rye with mustard?

That's mine, honey!