Original subtitles

There is untold wealth still waiting to be discovered on this earth of ours.

These untapped millions can be reached in many ways.

You can blast for it. You can drill for it.

I know an easier way.

What's that, young lady?

You can marry it!

Hi, Loco, Mike.

Hi.

Well, how was the wedding?

Oh, it was a lovely wedding, Jesse. Greta made a beautiful bride.

Must have been quite a day for you girls.

Oh, yes.

I've never been so happy in my whole life.

Oh!

Shh!

Oh, that's all we have left of Greta.

Just a handful of rice.

I'm sorry, Jesse.

Oh, that's okay, loco. It isn't every day that

one of your roommates walks that last mile. Oh!

Well, where's she going on her honeymoon?

Las Vegas.

It's a secret, Jesse.

Greta wouldn't tell us where she's going. Well, as long as she tells the groom.

Hey, I see you caught the bridal bouquet.

I guess that means that you'll be the next one to go.

Oh, there, there, dear. Now stop crying.

Yeah, you better. You're turning this place into a rice paddy.

The old place just won't seem the same without Greta.

I hope she's happy in California.

I hope so, too.

She wanted to marry a big oil man,

so she winds up with a fella who runs a gas station.

We sure had some good times together.

We sure did. I'll never forget when that wealthy

art dealer brought this home for Greta.

Remember what you said the first time you saw it?

I still think it looks like chicken pox.

I'll never take it down, though.

Never.

It sure was sweet of her to leave it for us.

I think.

I'm really going to miss her.

Me too.

For three girls, we got along just perfectly.

Well, it wasn't really perfect.

Remember how she was always borrowing our nylons and getting runs in them?

And she never used to make her bed in the morning?

And let's not forget all the time she locked us out of the bathroom. Well,

she soaked for hours in her bubble bath. What do you mean, her bubble bath?

She was always borrowing my bubbles.

How about the way she always hogged the phone?

And she never used to wash her dishes either.

You know, local, her leaving was probably the best thing that ever happened to us.

You can say that again. Oh! I wonder who that could be.

Maybe Greta and her husband broke up.

In two hours?

Good afternoon, Miss McCall, Miss Jones.

Good afternoon.

I've been trying to get in touch with you ladies.

Well, we just got back from the wedding.

Yes, I know. Jessie just brought me up in the rice paddy.

What did you want to see us about, Mr. Toby?

Oh, I'm here to do you both a favor. Now, what is so funny about that?

Came up in a rice paddy.

What's this about a favor, Mr. Toby?

I'm willing to let you girls out of your lease for this penthouse.

What for?

Well, I have a party that's interested in signing on with us for five years,

and I thought with Miss Hanson gone, you two would prefer to move out.

Whatever gave you that idea?

We'll do perfectly fine.

But you always worried about paying the rent when there were three of you here.

That's right.

Now with only two of us, there'll be less worrying.

Oh, that's very true.

Mr. Toby, the apartment isn't available.

Miss Jones and I intend to find another roommate

and stay on according to the terms of our lease.

The lease also states that your rent is to be paid by the 10th of the month. Now,

you girls have been here over a year, and you've got a perfect record.

Haven't made it once.

Well, there's a perfectly simple explanation for that.

Oh, what is it?

Well, when we think of it, we'll call you.

All right. You ladies can stay off.

But after this, no more leniency.

Remember, one more violation of your lease and out you go.

Rice and all.

Uh-huh.

Aww.

Gee, that's too bad, Kitty. We would have loved to have you move in with us.

Lots of luck, though.

Goodbye.

What's her story?

She'd like to, but she's thinking about getting married again.

Kitty's never been married.

I know it.

She's just thinking about it again.

We've called about everyone we know.

I've got an idea.

Why don't we put a sign in our window?

Roommate wanted.

Our window happens to be on the 22nd floor. But you have got an idea there, Loco.

Maybe we should advertise. You know, classified ads.

Yeah, let's try that.

What do we say in the ad? I don't know. I've never written one.

Let's see what they're like.

Here's the personal columns.

Patricia, please come home. All is forgiven. Gee,

maybe if Patricia doesn't go home, we can get her for a roommate.

You know, they all seem to be real short, one or two lines.

Maybe we'd better forget about that, Patricia.

She sounds like a troublemaker.

Oh, I'm sure she is. She probably doesn't even have her

own nylons and bubble bath. What does this sound?

Two young ladies looking for third to share penthouse apartment.

Say, we're not the only ones looking.

Honey, that's what I just wrote.

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry, Mike. It's just perfect.

I think we ought to put it in the journal news. Oh, good. Then I can drop it off.

I have a modeling appointment right across the street from there.

Okay, you just take it to the classified ad office.

Are you sure you can handle it? Oh, of course, Mike.

You know me.

That's just what I was thinking.

Believe me, Charlie, we're wasting our money putting the ad in here.

Are you kidding? Over two million people read this paper.

Yeah, but how many of them own a trained monkey? I'm telling you,

put it in a show business paper like Variety, and you'll get results.

Look, Edna, you're not talking me out of it, so quit nagging.

And believe me, it's much cheaper in Variety. It'll cost you half the money.

Oh, why didn't you tell me that before?

I did, but you never listened to my nagging.

Okay, let's give it a try.

Look, if we don't get that new monkey, by the end of the month,

we'll be the only animal act featuring people.

Excuse me.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, could I help you?

Oh, you sure can. I'd like to place this ad. I know I have it in here someplace.

Oh, here it is.

Oh, you'll have to fill this out on our ad form at that desk right over there.

Oh, over there?

That's ours.

Thank you.

Oh!

Oh, yes.

I'm sorry.

I have a pair of earrings just like it.

Oh, I fill it out right over there.

Thank you. Two.

Young ladies looking for third to share penthouse apartment.

How are you doing? Need any help?

Oh, no, no, no, doing just fine, thank you.

As a matter of fact, we're finished.

How much will that be?

Step over to the counter. I'll figure it out for you.

This is a rather unusual ad.

I hope we can get results for you.

Oh, I hope so, too.

Uh, by the way, you left off your name and address.

Where do you want the inquiries to go?

Right to our apartment.

Oh, uh, my name is Local Jones, and we live at the

Towers Apartments, Penthouse G, Park Avenue.

That'll be $3 even, Miss Jones. Oh, $3?

I know I have my change purse in here someplace.

We'll mail you the bill.

Oh, that's very sweet of you.

You mean if you don't get any answers to this ad,

you'll have to move out of your penthouse?

That's right.

We need someone to share expenses.

Well, thanks again. Bye now.

It's hard to believe Greta's gone. I wonder if she misses us.

Are you kidding on her honeymoon?

Gee, do you think that could be an answer to our ad this early? Why not?

It's after 10. The papers have been out all morning.

I wonder what kind of a girl she'll be. Oh,

I only hope she's friendly and easy to get along with. And has her own bubble bath.

Oh, good morning. I'm Gil Johnson. I came and asked for your ad.

Well, there must be some mistake.

Oh, yes, we're looking for a young lady. Well, then we're all set.

Meet Daisy. Daisy?

You'll find she's a perfect lady. Oh.

Oh, isn't she cute?

Loco.

Mr. Johnson, if this is your idea of a joke,

you certainly have a warped sense of humor.

What joke?

I came and answered your ad.

Are you Loco Jones? Yes.

Did you put this ad in the paper?

Urgently need trained monkey. Contact Loco Jones. What? Let me see that.

Oh, how could the paper make such a stupid mistake?

Or did they?

Oh, well, why would I put an ad like that in? After all,

we need someone to share the rent. Oh, well, how could a monkey help?

Now, don't start knocking Daisy. She makes plenty of dough. Well,

she was on television three times last year.

That's right, Daisy. Four times.

Mr. Johnson, won't you come in?

It's obvious somebody made a mistake.

Let's call the paper and find out what happened. All the bollock stuff deals.

Information. Give me the number of the journal news, please.

It's nothing personal, Daisy, but we couldn't keep you if we wanted to.

They have a very strict rule in the building. No animals.

Classified ads.

Miss Jones, I... Mr. Toby!

What do we do? It's Mr. Toby.

It's a fine time for him to show up.

What's the matter? Who's Toby? He's the manager of the building.

If he catches us in here with a monkey, he'll break our lease.

I just have to hide in here. Wait a minute. Well, he told us one more violation,

and out we go. Oh, this is ridiculous.

Why don't you just explain to him what happened?

Would you believe it?

Welcome, Mr. Toby.

It's you.

Yes, it's me and my little fractured nose.

Why did you slam that door?

Well, you see, Miss McCall was in the shower.

Well, she certainly dries fast.

Oh, well, the water wasn't on.

Mr. Toby, what did you want to see us about?

Well, you know what an interest I've taken in your charming penthouse in the sky.

So I thought I'd personally deliver this billet d'oeuvre.

Don't forget, it has to be paid by the 10th.

Oh, but I don't understand. I always thought a billet

d'oeuf was a love letter. Oh, it is, honey.

Mr. Toby would just love to get us out of here. All right,

you've made your little point.

Now, would you mind terribly... What was that?

You mean that chattering noise? Yes.

I didn't hear anything.

Daisy, come down.

Daisy, will you come?

You come down.

Come down, Daisy.

Daisy, will you come down from there? Come down.

Daisy, shh.

You were a naughty girl. Yes, you were. Yes, you were. Don't argue with me, Daisy.

But I distinctly heard something.

Well, it's the radio. I left it on in the bedroom.

They're playing an old Tarzan movie.

On radio?

It's a very old movie. It's even too old for television.

Oh, uh...

By the way, if you decide to leave before the tenth,

it'll be my treat. The moving van is on me.

Now that I'd like to see. Mr. Johnson!

Come out now, please. Daisy almost gave us away.

You'll have to stink out through the service elevator.

I don't care how as long as I get out of here.

When they say monkeys are the craziest people.

Bye, Daisy.

Is that the clerk who took your ad?

That's him.

Yes, may I help you?

I came to see you about this ad.

Yes, yes. Well, if you have a monkey,

Miss Jones wants you to take it directly to her penthouse.

Now, what in heaven's name would a girl living

in a Park Avenue penthouse want with a monkey?

You know, that same thought kept me awake all last

night. I'm sure it would. Hello, Miss Jones.

Hi.

This is Miss McCall.

And there's been a terrible mistake. You put my name on the wrong ad.

We're looking for a roommate to share expenses, not an animal act.

I don't understand. This is the ad Miss Jones handed me.

I have the original right here.

Loco, this isn't your handwriting, is it?

All right, Miss Magoo, put them on.

I just wear these to keep my eyelashes in place.

Oh, I didn't write this. How did my name get on it?

Hey, now I remember. A man and a woman were over there filling out a form.

But they left. And they just happened to be advertising

for a monkey? Who was it, Tarzan and his mate?

Gee, maybe they're going to make some new old movies.

What kind of a way is this to run a newspaper?

Now, this is exactly the way we want the ad to read.

Two young ladies...

Looking for third to share penthouse apartment.

To share penthouse apartment.

Maybe we'd better add a line.

Yes, what is it?

Monkeys need not apply.

See? Just like I told you. I tried to keep them out of here,

but they wouldn't listen. They all got copies of that ad.

Jesse, this is terrible.

What are we gonna do?

I'm afraid to get down. That's probably King Kong.

Get rid of the menagerie before Toby gets back.

One of you ladies Miss Jones?

Miss Jones? Never heard of her. Hold it, honey. Folks, this is Miss Jones,

but there's been a terrible mistake made.

Lady, if you want talent, you can't do any better than Jocko.

Go on, Jocko boy. Down now, come on. Walk, walk, walk, walk. Walk around,

walk around, walk around.

Come on, Jocko, walk, walk, walk. Come on, Jocko, walk, Jocko.

Listen to me. You're all going to have to leave,

or we're going to get in terrible trouble. Yeah, but what about the ad?

The newspaper made a mistake.

If it's another monkey town, then Mr. Tobey! What in thunderation

is going on here? Well, nothing, nothing.

They were just leaving. Goodbye, everybody.

Come back next year and we'll buy more peanuts. Goodbye.

They're trying to earn a trip to camp. Out, out, all of you.

Ow! We came to see Miss Jones. All right, you've seen her.

Now go and take those beasts with you.

Just go!

Just go! Just go!

Yeah.

Jesse, take them down, all the way down. And when you get to the basement,

keep going. Yes, sir. Face the front of the cage, please.

Well.

Now, young ladies, shall we adjourn to your

former penthouse for a little farewell chat?

That's not going to do any good.

Honestly, ladies, that story you just told me is the most ridiculous I ever heard.

But it's true. Well, it's also true you violated your

lease by letting that jungle stampede in here.

And anyway, you don't stand a chance of paying

your rent without getting a new roommate.

So you might just as well start packing.

If that's another door-to-door peanut salesman, you get rid of him.

Oh, it's you. Typical journal news service. We've got an answer for your ad.

Well, thank you, but we've already had enough answers.

Oh, hello, Miss Jones.

Oh, hello.

I'd like you to meet Miss Gwen Kirby.

Hello. Hi. How do you do?

Miss Kirby would like to be your roommate.

But the ad hasn't even appeared yet.

Well, I was down at the paper to place my own ad when you girls walked in, and...

Well, I thought it would be fun to share a place with you.

Wonderful.

Please come in. Thank you.

Oh, what a beautiful apartment.

Excuse me, but as of now, these ladies have no place to share.

Who are you? I'm Mr. Toby, manager of the building.

They have just broken their lease.

We just had a monkey invasion.

Oh, I see. Very interesting. What is your first name, Mr. Toby?

What?

It's Augustus P. Why do you ask?

Make a great story for tomorrow's paper.

Two beautiful young ladies evicted by a tyrannical

building manager for innocent mistake.

Gee, that sounds just like what happened to us.

Now, just a second. Who are you to threaten me with stories in the paper?

John R. Hobson, Jr.

Isn't John R. Hobson the owner of the Hobson chain

of newspapers? That's right. I'm his son.

Well, then how come you're working as a clerk in classified ads?

Well, I'm learning the business. Dad wants to retire next year.

Oh, well, now, Mr. Hobson, I don't think there's any reason to run that story.

Perhaps I acted a bit hastily.

And now that they've found a roommate,

I'm just positive everything will work out fine.

Mr. Hobson, how can we ever thank you?

Well, it's typical journal news service.

I don't think there's a newspaper story here, do you, Mr. Hobson,

with all the important things happening in the world? Cape Canaveral,

the international crisis, trouble in the Near East.

Oh, Mr. Hobson!

Well, Gwen, welcome to Penthouse G. Oh...

It's certainly a break for me, Loco.

My first day in town, and I wind up with two

new friends and a beautiful place to live.

I was just thinking, we had a millionaire in here and let him get away.

Oh, well, so what?

We may have lost a millionaire, but we gained a roommate.

Most favorite place in the whole apartment. You look right down there.

Let's have our refreshment. Wait a minute. Now,

I want to make sure I know the plan. Let's try it again.

All right.

On my honor, I promise to do my best to help one of us marry a millionaire.

All for one and one for all, so help us Fort Knox.

There, now it's official, Gwen. Welcome to the club.

Oh, the Girl Scouts were never like this.

Oh, it's about the same. The only difference is

we help young millionaires across the street.

Gwen, did you have many boyfriends back in Illinois?

No, I was much too busy.

Couldn't you have cut down on something else?

Well, working on that magazine kept me going full time. But it paid off.

It got me this job in New York.

It paid off for us, too, honey. It got us a new roommate.

And don't you worry. We'll find a boyfriend for

you. Sure we will. We'll show you around.

After all, this is our town.

Hello?

Yes, she's here.

It's for you, Gwen.

It's a man.

Does he sound rich?

Nobody knows I'm here.

Hello? Oh, hello there.

Tonight?

I'm afraid I'll be too busy getting my... Oh, yes!

Of course I'll be able to make it. Uh-huh.

Eight o'clock.

See you then. Goodbye. Who was that?

John R. Hobson, Jr.

The publisher's son?

And we were going to show her around.

I've got to get ready. Oh my goodness, all my stockings have runs in them.

Will one of you girls lend me a pair of nylons?

Just like old times.

I'll lend you a pair, dear.

And you can have my bubble bath, too.

Well, thanks, little girl.