All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E36 - Loco and the Gambler

Brigham Cowboy, daredevil
bronco busters trying to tame

the orneriest critters
of the great Texas range.

Those sweet little animals, ornery.

Touch. Those rich
ranchers are much ornerier.

But I know how to tame them.

Really, lady? How?

Marry them.

Mike, come here. What's up, Greta?

His picture's in the paper.
Whose picture? That handsome,

hunk of man who checked
into Penthouse A last night.

It says he's a wealthy
sportsman from California. Mmm.

Mr. Gates plans to visit some friends,
take in the shows, and see the sights. Oh,

he doesn't have to see the sights. He
can buy them and have them shipped home.

I wonder if he's married.

He can't be. He's smiling.

Mike, I've got an idea how we
can get to meet him. Well, give.

I'll be your wrong number.

Wrong number? Sure. I call his
penthouse, pretend our lines got crossed,

and by the time we've both had our laughs
over it, he will have asked me to lunch,

and you can be my bridesmaid.

Well, that was a whirlwind romance.

Okay, honey, but don't sound too anxious.
Don't worry, I'll be subtle and syrupy.

Oh, hello, get me Penthouse A, please.

When I start pouring
on that old syrup, Mr.

Gates will be eating right out of my hand.

Hello, Irving.

Oh, this is not Irving?

Oh, I'm sorry. This
must be a wrong number.

I... He hung up.

Well, what happened to the old syrup?

He didn't even give me a
chance to open the bottle.

Well, the magazine just came out with
my cover picture on it, but I hate it.

I look like I weigh 300
pounds. Let me see it.

Loco, you really should wear
your glasses when you go out.

This is a physical culture
magazine, and that is Mr. America.

It is?

Hmm.

Come in.

Hi, girls. I just picked
up some copies of your

cover picture, loco. Quick, let me see it.

Oh, do I look all right?

Are you kidding? In that bathing suit?

Do you think my expression is all right?

Honey, no 100% American will really care.
How about autographing this one for me?

Gosh, I feel like a celebrity.
What do you want me to write, Jesse?

Oh, something sweet and
sentimental, like your measurements.

You know, I ought to be Loco's manager the

way I'm making her
known around this place.

Why? What are you doing?

Well, take this cover picture.

I'm making sure that everybody
in this building sees a copy.

I dropped one off at
Penthouse A. Penthouse A?

Mr. Gates? You know him?

We're old buddies. I just spent
two seconds on the phone with him.

Did he notice Loco's picture?

Oh, yes.

But he didn't say anything.

He just stood there whistling.

Well, you know what they say.
Man cannot live on bread alone.

Once in a while, he's
got to have cheesecake.

Does he know Loco lives in the building?

Oh, sure. I told him. I also let him
know she doesn't date just anybody.

Smart boy. There's nothing a man likes
better than a good chase. Oh, I hope not.

I'm getting a little tired of running.

Tell us about him, Jesse. What's he
like? How does he spend his time?

Betting.

Betting?

On anything and everything with his pal.

They even bet on how many
times I blink my eyes a minute.

Did Mr. Gates win? No, he blew it. I
think it cost him about 50 bucks a blink.

I'll see you, girls. And
thanks for the autograph, local.

Oh, forget it. We're all Americans.

That's him.

Hmm.

Not only handsome, but he looks
like such a nice, even-tempered guy.

Monkey skull hyena. You were born
with a horseshoe in your mouth.

That's the ninth
straight bet you won from me.

Tom, my boy, you're more
than just a friend to me.

You're my hedge against
inflation. Every fly was

just about to light on
the table. Oh, sure.

But I bribed him to
light on the ceiling first.

I promised to give him half of
this thousand. Very comical. Well,

if it will make you feel any better,

I'm gonna contribute
some of my winnings to the

support and upkeep of
a great national park.

What national park?

Hialeah.

Oh, you really got me in stitches.
Well, since you can't win a bet,

I'll give you a chance to eat
yourself even. I'll take you to lunch.

I would have to be on a diet.
Come on, put your tie on. Man.

I'd like to take her to lunch, too.

Her name's Jones. Lives
right in the building.

You know, that fatal fascination you
hold for dames, you probably could.

Why don't you call her?

I'll bet you think I'd
fall on my face. Me?

But you'd make a little
bed I wouldn't connect,

wouldn't you? A
thousand. Make it five? Five.

Open up that cage, mother.
Here comes your pigeon again.

Miss Jones, please.

This is she. Who?

I don't know any Mr. Vernon.

Oh, my picture. Well, I'm
glad you liked it. Huh?

Oh, well, thank you, but I'm not in
the habit of going out with strange men.

Hello?

Hello!

Don't tell me I finally won a bet.
Well, I want you to win once in a while,

just to keep the
franchise. It's my ego that's hurt.

She must be an awful hard-to-get gal.

Face it, Dad, you're really a dud
with a doll. Think you could do better?

Maybe not for lunch, but
dinner would be a cinch.

I've got five Gs, says you're
bellowing through your bonnet. Five.

Okay, lover, start pouring on the charm.

Not yet. We've had
enough crudeness for one day.

This is gonna be done with finesse.

Uh, may I have the florist, please?

Just what I needed. Be
a life better. Twelve.

Lucky.

I'll get it.

Hi, local.

Hi, girls.

Hello, Jeff.

Well, kid, hang on to your hat.

These are for you from Mr. Gates.

Geronimo? Oh, honey, it looks
like you really hit a gusher.

Oh, you're a
dreamboat. Just call me Cupid.

But if you should marry this moneybags,
I'm gonna ask you to do me a big favor.

What?

Adopt me.

Scram, scavenger. See you later. Right.

Oh, isn't this cute? Listen.

To Miss Jones, in sincere
admiration, Tom Gates, uh...

Panting. Panting? That sounds
promising. That's not panting, loco.

It's penthouse A. Oh, I
liked it better the first way.

Anyway, he likes me. Isn't that
exciting? Yes, honey, but don't get too anxious.

Let him do a little chasing.

Greta's right. Now, he'll
probably call and ask you

out for a date. Turn
him down. Well, I'll try.

Hello, I'm Tom Gates. My
friend and I were just passing,

and I was wondering if Miss
Jones received my flowers.

Oh, yes, come in. I'm Mike
McCall. Oh, my roommate's Greta Hansen.

And Loco Jones.

I'm Tom Gates, my friend Dave Vernon.

How do you do?

How do you do? How do you do?

Thank you for the flowers.

Oh, that's all right.

Well, Miss Jones, you're even
lovelier than your photographs.

Oh, thank you.

You know, if I were a little
younger, I'd start a Loco Jones fan club.

How nice. And I'd join it, too.

Oh, I mean... Miss Jones,

I wonder if I may have the pleasure
of your company at dinner tonight?

Oh, I'd be happy to.

How's 7.30?

My favorite time.

Well, until then.

Bye, girls.

Goodbye.

Goodbye. Hey, local, look,
aren't they just beautiful flowers?

They're the prettiest flowers I ever
saw. Boy, did you play hard to get.

The minute he mentioned
dinner, you did everything

but sing, oh, promise me. So nice.

Oh, what time is it?

It's only four o'clock. Already? Oh,
my, I have to start getting dressed.

Well, it looks like our little loco has
flipped. Completely. What do you think?

I don't know.

It does seem to go for Loco.

But the way he and that
Vernon kept looking at each other,

I just can't put my finger on it.

But if this is some sort
of a gag at Loco's expense,

I won't have to put my finger on it.

I'll let him have my whole fist. Gates.

How did you know?

The subject depresses me too.

What is it about that guy? He seems
to be crazy about her, and yet...

Maybe it's the way he
throws his money around.

Too easy come and easy go.

And it's the go part that worries me
when I think of Loco married to him.

He'll be up there one day,
and on his upper is the next.

Don't let Loco hear you say that.

Don't worry. Lucky is
taking her beauty nap.

Lucky. That's some name he gave her.

Don't knock it. She earned it.

Tom says he hasn't lost a bet
since he began taking her out.

Come in.

Yeah, it's positively weird, especially
that superstitious bit Tom pulls. You know,

rubbing locals' head before every bet.

If he keeps it up, we'll
soon have a bald roommate.

All right, girls, I brought your dresses.
You got anything else you want cleaned?

Well, you better check later. Loco
might have some things. Not Loco.

Do you mind if I say that I think
she's too nice for that Gates guy?

We don't mind a bit. Why?

Well, I heard him talking
to his buddy this morning.

And it seems he took
Loco out to dinner that

first night just to win a five grand bet.

That's bad enough, but
what burns me is that he sold

Loco a bill of goods
that he really goes for.

Why, as far as Gates is
concerned, Loco's just a good luck charm.

And she better stay lucky, that's all. I
saw him when he was on a losing streak,

and, oh, man, he's not
exactly what you call a good sport.

Well, I got to get down to Gates' place
now. They got a doctor waiting for me.

What's the matter with you, Jesse?

Oh, I feel fine. They're just
betting $2,000 on my blood pressure.

Boy, that's pretty low.
Jesse's blood pressure? No, Gates.

Well, you can't blame Loco for
being enchanted with the guy.

But it's up to us to disenchant her fast.

Easy. Now, if we start knocking
gates, she'll rebound right into his arms.

You know Loco.

Sure, but we'll do it subtly with finesse.

You mean the stiletto
instead of the blunt instrument?

Before we're through slamming gates.

I'll answer it.

I think it's Tom. Hello?

Oh, hello, Tom. Oh, dinner? I'd love it.

Oh, sure, they'd love to come,
too. Oh, 7.30 will be just fine.

Bye, Tom.

That was Tom. He wants all of us
to come to dinner with him tonight.

Gee, isn't he wonderful?

What a guy.

You know, I got such a kick out
of it when I found out he invited

you out to dinner that first
night just to win a bet. Yeah.

How could you help but
love a guy like that?

The minute you showed up at the table,
he collected $5,000 from Vernon. He did?

Oh, I'm so happy that
I bring him good luck.

Look how late it's getting.

You better start dressing.

Well, so much for the
stilettos. Roll out the cannons.

This target isn't going to be easy to hit.

Mike, we've got to open her eyes.

What good will that do? Even
when they're open, she can't see.

Gates keeps winning, but... Hey,

remember what Jesse said about
Gates' temper when he loses?

I'm reading you, Mike, but how are we
going to work it? I don't know yet.

But we are going to that dinner tonight.

Sometime between the
appetizer and the entree,

we'll figure out some way
to put Gates in the soup.

Hey, we better start
getting dressed. It's late. Oh.

15, 17, 18, 19, 20 lumps
of sugar. You win, Tom.

That'll cost exactly
1,000 bucks, Dave. Pay me.

What stupid luck.

I ought to demand a recount.

You did it again, Lucky.

Baby, this is the loveliest, luckiest
collection of blonde hair there is going.

Please, let's forget about bedding for
a while. My head's beginning to hurt.

Gotta give the sucker a chance to
lose more. Name your poison, Buster.

Blondes seem to be lucky this year.

I bet you 5G's next dame
through that doorway is a blonde.

Now, isn't he cute? Why, these days,
every dame in Rant Matilda's a blonde.

Take it, Tautz. I have a
feeling it's going to be a brunette.

You know, ordinarily, I shoot, Tautz.

But you've been lucky for me.
You're on. In fact, I'll up you five.

Make it 15.

Oh, I don't think you
ought to bet that much.

Oh, now, Loco, if the boys
want to play, let them play. Oh!

I don't know what's the matter with me.

Every time I hear someone make a
$15,000 bet, I get butterfingers.

We better go to the powder
room, Mike. I'll give you a hand.

Well, I'll go with you. No, no.

Somebody has to stay and apply
the smelling salts to the loser.

Yeah.

All right, if you lose, I'll give you
smelling salts. And if Tom loses, I'll...

Better give them to me.

That was quick thinking, spilling that
glass of water, almost a conditioned reflex.

I'm soaked down to my conditioned
reflexes, too, but it was worth it.

There ain't no brunette
going through this doorway.

This is one bet Gates
has got to lose, the rat.

Ah, good evening. Table for
two? Yes. This way, please.

Congratulations, you've just
won our big door prize. Honest?

Did you hear that, Herbie? Well, how
come? Well, you're our millionth couple,

that's how come. Aren't
you the lucky ones, though?

Now, if you'll just wait in here,

we'll send the manager right in
for the official presentation.

Do you mind telling us
what the door prize is?

A door. I mean, a six-month tour
of the Orient, all expenses paid,

and a lifetime supply of lychee nuts.

That's funny.

I could have sworn that
couple was right behind

me, but when I got to
the table, they were gone.

Well, they veered off that-a-way.

You can still head them
off at the bandstand.

They told me there'd be nights like this.

Yes, ma'am, right this way. Your
table's waiting. Wait a minute. Oh,

where are the new hostesses?

Sort of helping out the
maitre d'. Yeah, well,

I'm not going in until a
fathead husband of mine gets here.

Well, why don't you wait at a table?

When the fathead does get here, why
wouldn't... Yeah, well, I'm not going in alone.

Too cheap to let the
doorman park the car. No,

he has to cruise around till
he finds a free parking space.

Oh, so you finally made it.

Where did you park it, the Yankee Stadium?

Oh, honey, you know what the
traffic's like around here. It's murder.

And how? Your husband deserves a
medal for getting back at all.

Anyway, I found a place a
couple of blocks from here.

Table for two, please.

I'm surprised you brought me here in
the first place. They charge, you know.

Now, look, if you come right down to it,
I'd just as soon have gone to the automat.

Yeah, well, that does it,
Sporty. I'm taking myself home.

No, no, no, look, Eloise, Eloise.

Are you sure? Can't you take a joke?
Yeah, look at me. I can't stop laughing.

Eloise!

Eloise!

¶¶ This is definitely, but
definitely not my night.

One minute, they were right behind me,
but the next minute... They're gone.

We know.

Gone to table 24, that is.

They mentioned they had friends there.

We'll see about that.

Trying to cut out the middleman, eh?

Sorry, standing room only.
There'll be a three-hour wait.

But I made reservations with Jules.

With Jules?

Oh, I'm sorry, but Jules isn't with
us anymore. We had to let him go.

You know...

You mean we don't get a table?

Unless you'd care to take
potluck in the kitchen,

and there's just a short
wait for that. Is this a gag?

Wait a minute. There's
Jules in the dining room.

Come on, honey. We're going in.

Oh.

Oh, I feel dizzy. Oh, help,
somebody grab her, quick. Quick, darling.

You better not go in there.

The food must be poison.

My husband and I, we've
decided we can't possibly

take time off for six
months toward the Orient.

Well, then take it in
easy stages. Travel weekend.

Oh, plenty of room inside.

Oh, pass right on through, folks.

You're using up the oxygen.

I'm a doctor.

Can I help you?

No, I couldn't afford your
fee. Just go right on in.

You better take over, Doc. You know
more about food poisoning than I do.

Let's get out of here. Food poisoning?

In this place?

What food poisoning?

That couple owns a
restaurant down the block.

Well, look at her. Does she
look like she's been poisoned?

Table?

For two.

Yeah, I guess so.

Harry, I don't want to eat in this place.

All right, Gladys. I feel the same way.

Let's go.

No, don't go, folks.

Please. The food is really working
for me. You're honest again. Doctor!

You got it?

Quitters.

Party poopers. These are wasting.

Let's go out and drag in the first
blonde we meet. Buy her bleached,

store-bought hair, if necessary.

What are you gaping at? Oh, well, I
wasn't gaping. I was just staring.

I mean, your hairdo, it's, oh, it's...

Just beautiful. Thanks. You can get one
just like it at your nearest taxidermist.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm looking for a phone. Oh,

but you've got to have
dinner first. I beg your pardon?

Who ever heard of
phoning on an empty seat?

Stomach. Oh, that is, I'll have
a phone brought to the table.

If you don't mind, this is a private
call. I don't want every Joe listening in.

Well, there's no one named
Joe at our table. Come on.

You monkey skull, I...

Loco!

There hasn't been a brunette
through here yet, has there? Just a mink.

Huh? Please, let's not talk about it.

Are you sure I should...
Oh, yes, yes, of course.

You just go right through that door
to table 23 and ask for Mr. Vernon.

He'll be the one that's smiling.

I'm sure he'll be happy to give you a
very generous donation to your cause.

He should. He'll be $15,000 richer the
minute he lays eyes on you. Thank you.

Oh, but stay away from the
other man. He may be dangerous.

He uses such dreadful language.

Dreadful language?

There was one thing
especially about my brains.

That had all the
earmarks of a dirty crack.

And if there's anything I
can't stand, it's dirty

earmarks. You mean
your quarrel? What about?

All because I invited this brunette
to our table to make a telephone call.

And she turned out to be a mink beanie.

Follow me?

Not without a road map. Slowly.

I just told you.

This blonde I brought in
was wearing a fur hat.

So naturally I thought she was a brunette.

Naturally.

Oh, well.

If I'd wear my glasses, these
things wouldn't happen. Uh-uh.

You'd do much better
without them. Hello? Oh.

This is she.

Tom Gates, you have your nerve.

I wouldn't marry you if you were the
last man on earth and the richest.

Uh-huh.

Oh, well, that's different.

Fine.

What's different?

The wedding's on Sunday. Wait.

Loco, you can't marry that kind of a man.

Well, I certainly can't.
He's marrying somebody else.

That mission girl.

He says she's the most
beautiful, lovely thing he's ever met.

Not only that, she's
made him give up gambling.