Original subtitles

Toll Bridge.

Countless thousands of cars rolling over an artery of steel.

And paying for the privilege in silver. Yes, silver dimes and quarters.

Running into millions.

Running into millions? By dimes and quarters?

Don't you mean crawling?

Oh, I suppose there's a quicker way of getting into that kind of money.

Much quicker. Marry it.

Oh, hi, Greta.

Oh, hi, Loco. You look full of spirit this evening.

Oh, I am.

Greta, what would you say if I redecorated the whole bedroom?

All right, loco, take a nice hot bath, climb into

bed, and I'll call Dr. Barnes. Dr. Barnes?

What's the matter? Don't you feel well? Really? Well,

you'll feel much better after I tell you the wonderful news.

Mr. Baxter just signed me up to model the Chandler line.

It's only the most exclusive sportswear line in the country. You're kidding.

I start tomorrow. Five days straight at $100 a

day. Redecorate the bedroom, the whole joint.

Now I wonder what I should wear tomorrow.

Loco.

When you're modeling a line of clothes,

isn't it customary for them to furnish the outfits?

Oh!

I forgot.

Hello, girls.

Well, hi, Mike.

Mike!

Am I glad you're home.

I've got the most wonderful news. Later, local.

You are looking at a girl who just reached

the end of the road. Oh, you lost your job.

Much worse.

Paul just called. He wants to take me to his home for a big family party.

You better call Dr. Barnes for her.

Understand, Paul's family lives in a 200-year-old mansion,

and all I've got to wear are 200-year-old dresses.

Next to all those rich society dames, I'll look like Miss Burlap Bag of 1934. Well,

why don't you buy that gown you've had your eye on and Blanche's shop?

Would be perfect, except that it costs $185, and all I've got is 85.

I'll lend you the $100, Mike.

Bye-bye, Paul Wendover. And he's such a doll.

Why, bye-bye. I said I'd lend you the $100.

I just can't go to Wendover's and Leftovers. Please, Mike, take the $100.

Loco, why don't you take a nice hot bath and climb into bed? For once,

she doesn't need a hot bath.

Loco just got a job that's going to pay her $500.

500? She'll lend you the money gladly. Well, loco, honey, why didn't you say so?

It was on the tip of my tongue.

Look, you can give Blanche your $85 as a deposit and pay her

the rest of the money when you pick up the dress on Friday.

Then it's all settled. On Friday, Mike can pick up her new dress, and on Saturday,

you and I can fight to see who gets to borrow it first.

Miss Woods, take a memo.

Yes, Mr. Baxter.

Any employee of this agency who mentions the name Loco Jones again

is to be fined $100 and brummed out of the business forever.

Now, you mustn't excite yourself, Mr. Baxter. Think of your gallbladder.

My gallbladder can worry about itself.

That girl probably cost me the Chandler account.

How dare she be an hour and a half late?

Yoo-hoo!

He's a little loco, half hour early.

Maybe by Chinese standard times.

But according to my watch, you're an hour and a half late.

But the secretary told me my call wasn't till 11.

Oh, you can do better than that.

Why not try the sick friend? Or maybe the subway broke down.

Mr. Baxter.

My most important account, and you pull a stunt like this.

But... Under the circumstances, your services are hereby terminated.

Terminated?

Terminated. Cashiered. Expelled. Finished.

Fired.

Take your pick.

Please, Mr. Baxter, if you have to fire me...

Can't you wait till next week?

Guess he can't wait.

You haven't told me, Loco,

how did the little darling of Chandler's sportswear do yesterday? Terrible.

Terrible?

Well, I mean, they work you terribly hard.

Well, console yourself.

Just remember, every time they zip you into a dress, you're doing it for Mike.

She really appreciates it.

Greta, she's gonna be a knockout in that new gown.

Oh, Mike, aren't you a little late for breakfast? Oh, who wants breakfast?

I'll just have coffee. Don't forget your vitamin pill.

What a nightmare I had last night. I heard you moaning.

What was it about?

You were the leading character.

We'd gone down to Blanche's to pick up my new gown.

Anyway, we got there, and do you know what?

What?

The shop wasn't there.

It was horrible. There we were, running up and down the street,

looking for the shop, dressed in old gummy sacks,

and we ran smack into Paul Wendover. Well, he took one look at me,

and he said he wouldn't be caught dead introducing me to his family in that getup.

No wonder you screamed in your sleep.

All of a sudden, we were in Blanche's shop, and she was handing me the dress.

And then the most terrible thing of all happened. Loco

didn't have the money. Loco, it was only a dream.

Sure, what's a dream? We better get going.

Come on, Loco, step on it.

Oh, no, you kids go on ahead. I have a late call.

Well, how do you like that? She's not only making bankers' wages,

she has bankers' hours. Come on. See you tonight.

Great.

I saw your ad in the morning paper for a girl to model, and I...

Hello? Oh, hello, sir.

May I please speak to the party who hires the... I see.

Thank you.

Yes, lady?

I want to borrow some money.

That's what we're here for. What you got? Silverware? Camera?

Wedding ring?

If I had a wedding ring, I wouldn't be here.

Any of this stuff hot?

Oh, we haven't made tea in that thing for months.

Yeah.

You see, my girlfriend's getting a new gown.

Name?

Mike.

Mike? A lady?

Definitely a lady. Now, the law says I gotta have your name.

Law?

Police department rules. What's your name?

Mary.

Mary what?

That's all?

Mary Jane.

Smith.

And I was sure you were going to say Jones.

Address?

New York.

Mary Jane Smith, New York.

Where in New York?

Uh, Brooklyn?

Okay, by me.

All right, lady, I'll give you $90 for all of this.

Oh, but that's not enough. I have to have $100.

Sorry, lady, 90's all I'll go. Period. Definitely.

Oh, please, mister, can't you just...

How much would you give for a genuine alligator handbag?

Ten dollars.

Hey, that's a hundred dollars!

Boy, they'd really grow them smart in Brooklyn.

It's all yours.

Thank you.

Here's your ticket, lady.

Thanks.

Wait a minute, lady.

Here, I'll throw this creel in.

Bye.

Bye, Miss Smith.

If you need directions on how to get to Brooklyn, just ask a cop.

That's funny. Maybe it's on the table.

The silver bowl, the candlesticks.

The tea set!

Here.

Hello, operator? Get me the police, quick. We've been robbed.

Greta, I hardly think the candlesticks climbed

off the table to hide underneath the sofa.

Well, it's no stranger than the notion that the

tea set decided to hide in the fireplace.

There's no use biting each other's heads off. We didn't rob the place.

Oh, I'm sorry, Mike, but I just wanted to make

sure I didn't call the police on a false alarm.

Maybe I should have called Mr. Blandish, too. Are you kidding?

He's been itching to evict us ever since we moved in here.

And with us responsible for all the furnishings,

he'd kick us out faster than you can say sterling

silver. You're so right. Hey! Loco.

I just hope the police clear up this mess before Blandish gets wind of it.

I'm sorry it had to happen on your big night, Mike.

Well, I just hope it's not an omen of things to come.

It's probably local. We'll break the news gently. You know how panicky she gets.

She's always worrying about burglars.

I've got it, Mike.

Thank you.

I'm glad I have a wealthy roommate. Gee, she did a good job, didn't she?

Oh, this.

Isn't it chic? I bought it at the quaintest shop. It was such a bargain,

I just couldn't resist it.

Were there some dead fish included in the bargain?

Oh, so it's for fish.

I wondered why I had the back of the bus all to myself.

Mike, you haven't even looked at your new gown. Oh, I will in a minute.

Loki, you better sit down.

Is something wrong? Now, don't get upset, honey, but we've been robbed.

Oh?

Just oh?

Don't you understand? The apartment's been burglarized.

Well?

Those things happen.

Get her.

Loco, somebody's taken the sterling bowl, the silver tea set, the candelabra. Well,

they won't get much for them. Well, maybe they won't, but we're responsible,

and it'll cost us a small fortune to replace them.

So we replaced them.

Well, how do you like Miss Gotrox here? She gets a job paying $500,

and all of the sudden, money is no object.

Well, I've got to get ready for my date, and if things work out,

maybe I can acquire the same philosophy towards money. Gosh,

I hope the police find that crook. Police?

Yes, I gave them an itemized list of everything that was stolen.

What'll they do?

Well, they're sending out a detective who will

investigate and start looking for the thief.

Well, I don't think they'll find her.

I mean, you know... Do you?

Well, with their new methods, I bet they have

that crook in jail within 48 hours. Jail?

Honey...

For robbing apartments, they don't send you to a dude ranch.

Sorry, lady. No money, no goods.

But you have to give them to me. Somebody's dropping in tonight,

and if those things aren't back, it's going to be very embarrassing.

When you get the money, you come back and see me.

When I get them, I don't think I'll ever see you again.

With all the drama.

They don't send you to a dude ranch, you know.

I see.

I'm glad you called.

Yes, sir, I'll certainly do that. Thank you. Goodbye. Miss Woods,

I fired an innocent lamb.

What?

That was Chandler.

He just found out it was his secretary's fault

about the time for Loco Jones's appointment.

Miss Woods, take a memo.

Oh, no.

Hereafter, the entire staff is to disregard all my future memos.

Now, call Miss Jones and tell her she's rehired.

Yes, sir.

Tell her to report first thing in the morning.

You like the new gown?

Poor guy. Paul hasn't got a chance.

I'll get it. It's probably him now.

Hello?

No, Miss Jones isn't here. May I take a message?

Would you please tell Loco that Mr. Baxter is rehiring her?

She's to report to work first thing in the morning.

Mr. Baxter is rehiring her?

Hasn't she been working?

Didn't she tell you she was fired?

Fired? Oh, no.

Yes, I'll tell her.

Thank you.

What was all that about?

Loco hasn't been working.

She was fired at the beginning of the week. They just called to rehire her.

I wonder why she didn't tell us.

I don't know. I guess she knew I needed the new gown,

and she didn't want to disappoint me.

The new gown. If she wasn't working, how did she pay for it?

Mike, what jerks we are, don't you see? I guess I'm still a jerk.

That isn't a gown you're wearing. It's a pair of candlesticks, a silver bowl,

a tea set, and a lighter. Holy smoke.

A hot gown.

Mr. Baxter, you're my last hope.

I just had to see you before they dragged me off to Sing Sing. Sing Sing?

They don't send you to dude ranches, you know.

Sing Sing dude ranches?

Mike needed a new gown, and you fired me. And I had to steal all that silver,

and now the cops are after me. I know you hate me, but you can't turn me down.

You've got to lend me $100.

Loco, you're choking me. You don't want to add murder to robbery, do you?

You can't turn your back on me. You don't know what they do to girls up there.

I've seen movies.

Okay, okay, I'll lend you the money.

You will?

Oh, Mr. Baxter, you're a saint.

Don't make me a martyr. You're choking me again.

Sorry, Mr. Baxter.

Here's your $100, loco.

And, uh, there's been a terrible mistake. You shouldn't have been fired at all.

You start at Chandler's at 10 in the morning.

So, a mistake was made, and you want me to go

back to work after turning me into a robber,

a fugitive from justice, and a juvenile delinquent?

Loco, one more word out of you, and you're fired.

Bye, Mr. Baxter. See you right early.

But there wasn't any robbery. It was all a mistake.

What?

Oh, I see.

Thank you.

Well, will they call off the investigation? It's too late.

Some Sergeant McHugh is on his way over.

What are we gonna tell him, Mike?

Well, we could tell him you were out of your mind when you called. Yeah, we could.

Except they have a list of all the missing items.

It's probably your date. If it is, he's a little early.

Hi, this was just delivered.

It's a corsage from Paul. Oh, thanks, Jesse.

Looks like you finally got yourself a spender.

Jesse, don't leave. We were just thinking about you.

Yeah, now what?

Aren't all these apartments furnished about the same?

Oh, what Mike means is, don't they have the same knickknacks, say,

like candlesticks, silver tea sets?

Yeah, just about the same.

The apartment M down the hall is practically identical with this place.

Oh, apartment M? That's the one that's vacant, isn't it?

Now, just a moment.

Please, Jesse, this is a matter of life and death.

Every time your girls ask me to do something, it's

a matter of life or death. Your life and my death.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Jesse.

When we get our private yacht, Who's going to be the captain?

And when we get our own private plane, who's going to be the pilot?

Hold it. You girls have been feeding me that

line ever since you moved into this place.

But I'm a dreamer. I love it. I'll get you the key.

Mike, do you think replacing the missing items with

the things we get out of that apartment will work?

Why not? When the detective shows up,

we'll simply tell him the whole thing was a mistake and that

our roommate loaned the things out without telling us.

Then we ask him to drop the case. Clever? Clever.

And in that gown, beautiful.

Clutter and beautiful. How can one girl have so much? Come on.

Woo-hoo! Mike! Greta!

Excuse me, I'm looking for Miss McCall or Miss Hanson.

Well, I'm Miss McCall, and this is Miss Hanson.

I mean, I'm Miss McCall, and she's Miss Hanson.

Do ladies live here?

Oh, no. We live over there.

Over there?

Oh, these things!

You must be Sergeant McHugh. We've been expecting you.

There's been a big mistake made.

Yes, you see, the things I reported stolen weren't really stolen at all.

Our roommate loaned these things to our neighbor here,

and we didn't know anything about it.

Oh, and this tea set and the candelabra are the things you thought stolen?

That's right. We were just taking them back to our apartment now.

Well, I guess in that case, the whole matter is closed. Hey,

let me give you a hand with that. Well, a nice place you've got here.

Thanks, Sergeant. Just put the things down on the table.

Well, well, well. Now, what have we got here?

More candlesticks, a tea set, a bowl, and a lighter.

What do you girls do? Make a habit of collecting these things?

Oh, Sergeant, we don't know how they... We're... We don't know.

Maybe we'd better go have a talk with those people in the other apartment.

But, Sergeant, there's nobody there.

You took these things out of that apartment, and there's nobody there?

Well, you see, they... We... You tell him, Mike.

Mike, there's an alias for you.

Oh, Sergeant, that's her real name. Sure, sure.

And my name is Alice.

Let's go.

Open.

Oh, yeah. Oh! Try that again.

Maybe this will help to explain some of the

burglaries we've had in this neighborhood.

Let's go, girls.

Oh, but this is all a mistake, Sergeant. Really. We

didn't rob anybody. No, we didn't.

We can't do this to us. We're not. Please, we didn't do anything.

Loco, don't just stand there.

You look beautiful in your new gown, Mike.

Come on, girls, let's go.

Ahem.

Girls, won't you please speak to me? How many times do I have to apologize?

Well, if you won't talk to me,

at least tell me what happened down at the police station.

Well, if you must know, Mike was the best dressed woman in the lineup.

Hello?

Speaking.

Paul!

Well, I thought you'd never call again.

Really?

Oh, I'd love to.

And thanks for being so understanding. Goodbye.

Oh, that Paul's a dream. He's invited me out to meet his family again this weekend.

Oh, Mike, that's terrific. Yeah, you'll knock him dead in your new gown.

This weekend should really... The new gown.

Yeah.

I can't wear it. He's already seen me in it. All right.

Well, now that I'm really working, we can just buy you another one.

Oh, no. I'll take my chances in the old gown.

But why?

Because I want to hear the wedding march, not the prisoner's song.