Original subtitles

Thar she blows, the king of the sea.

Countless men braving the elements, risking their lives in quest of whale,

floating treasure of oil, worth a fortune.

But going out in those little boats, a girl can get awfully seasick.

Know a better way of harpooning a fortune?

Sure. Harpooning a millionaire.

Oh, watch it, watch it.

Ah, it's a hold-up! Here, don't shoot. Don't go.

I'm very sorry, miss. It's just a hunting rifle. You see, it's not even loaded.

Believe me, I'm not Babyface Nelson.

Well, it's just as well.

I don't have any money anyway.

This is Mr. Kimbrough. He's a new tenant in the building. And this is Miss Hanson,

Miss McCall, and Miss Jones.

They're your neighbors. Hello. How do you do?

You know, this is the best hunting I've had all year.

And I'm very sorry I frightened you girls. Couldn't I apologize, say,

over cocktails? My place at six.

But we just met. We don't even know you.

We really couldn't think of it.

Come right in, girls.

You make yourselves at home. I've got the martinis hanging up the drive.

We really couldn't think of it.

I'm glad you changed your mind.

Oh, this is quite a place you have here.

Yes.

Who's your decorator, Clyde Beatty?

Just a few things I collected on some of my hunting trips.

Oh, excuse me, Sarah.

No, Queenie, it's just a witch doctor's mask.

Isn't that right, Mr. Kimbrough?

Yes, I picked it up in the Congo.

And by the way, the name is Bud...

Bud?

Well, that's a funny name for a witch doctor.

I don't know why, but I sort of get the idea you like to hunt.

Well, it's great relaxation. Gets my mind off the problems of running a factory.

Oh, you run a factory?

Four of them.

Maybe you've heard of Kimbrough Aircraft?

Ever since Dad died, I've had to take over.

I hope your drink's all right, Miss McCall.

Oh, it's fine.

By the way, the name is Mike.

Mike.

Oh, I'm just Greta.

Greta?

My friends call me Loco.

Nothing personal, of course.

Sure.

Say, it's quite a collection of guns you have.

The 20 gauges of beauty.

You know guns?

Oh, I used to hunt a little back home.

You did?

Yes, I was pretty good at skeet shooting.

Well, how about that? A skeet shooter?

What about you girls?

Oh, not me. Oh, me either. I wouldn't think of shooting a skeet. After all,

they have just as much right to live as anybody.

A skeet's made out of clay.

Oh.

Well, then why do you want to shoot them? They must taste terrible.

Well, I finally find a girl who knows guns. And where do I find her?

In a Park Avenue apartment house.

Excuse me.

How do you like this?

Oh, it's terrific.

I haven't shot one of these in years.

Say, I've got an idea.

How about... Oh, no.

What?

You wouldn't.

I wouldn't what?

No.

Well, ask her. She might.

Well, I'm going up to my hunting lodge in the Adirondacks this weekend,

and since you've done some hunting, I thought you might like to be my guest.

Mr. Kimbrough.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I've got a housekeeper.

Everything would be on the up and up.

Well, I don't know.

You think about it, Mike.

And I'll rustle up a tray of snacks.

Excuse me, girl.

What do you think?

He's quite a guy. You've got to go. I guess I should.

But alone with him in his hunting lodge?

Maybe I shouldn't.

Oh, you wouldn't be alone.

He says he has a housekeeper, but he can always lock her up in the bathroom.

With those hunting lodges, goodness knows how far from the house that could be.

Loco, that's ridiculous.

Now, I'm sure he's a perfect gentleman.

Still, I don't like the idea of being alone with them.

Say, I've got it. Why don't Loco and I go along?

Yes. Three screams are better than one. You know, I think that's a good idea.

I'll try to work it so he invites you, too.

You sure you don't mind going?

Mind? A little mountain air is just what the doctor ordered. Right, loco? Yes.

We'll get the mountain air.

You get the millionaire.

Oh, did I miss something?

What was that about a millionaire?

Oh, I was just saying about the witch doctor. I wonder who does his hair.

Oh, well, who else? Charles of the Congo.

Oh, that looks good.

Well, it's a bachelor's banquet.

Eight varieties of potato chips.

Well, Mike, have you made up your mind about the beast of the Adirondacks?

Then you'll come.

Oh, fine. We'll have a great time.

Uh-huh.

You know, I was just thinking it'd be wonderful if Greta and Loco came along.

Of course, that would be an imposition.

Oh, not at all. If they've never hunted, they wouldn't enjoy it.

Why, you understand, don't you, girls?

Well, well, I... Well, you wouldn't like it, believe me.

Loco, we've got to think of something.

Yes.

Let's see.

Mountaineer.

What's the matter, Loco?

It's my old trouble again. What old trouble? Oh, yes, it's my sinus.

Smoko, you never had any trouble with... Oh, you remember, Mike.

Sinus, sinus.

Oh, yes, yes. Oh, you poor dear.

Can I get something for you?

Oh, no, the doctor says there's only one thing that can help.

What's that?

A weekend in the Adirondacks.

Huh? You know, sinus, fresh mountain air.

You mean, uh, like around, uh, my hunting lodge?

Oh, yes.

It would be so wonderful.

The cool smell of the pines, the clear air. Oh, just to be able to breathe again.

Just... Okay, loco.

You're invited.

Oh, I couldn't possibly go. Why not? Oh,

I wouldn't think of leaving Greta all alone.

All right, Greta, you're invited, too.

Oh, thank you.

I pray to God we'll have a marvelous time.

Okay, then it's all settled. Now, we're leaving Friday.

Right, just as long as we're back in time for work Monday.

Don't worry, I've got a million-dollar merger facing me Monday, so you'll be here.

Well, what happened to your silence?

Huh?

Oh.

Well, just the mention of Mountaineer, and it starts to clear.

Bud sure was a good sport about that sinus business. Wasn't he a doll? Hi, kids. Hi.

Local, you're late.

Well, my friend Helen Fogarty is still sick,

so I had to stay and visit with her for a while.

Did she lend you all the clothes you'll need? Oh, sure.

Helen's a real outdoor girl, always going on camping trips.

Did you get enough warm clothes? It gets awfully cold up there at night.

I'm prepared. Well, Tres Chic, Tres Chic. Yeah, who designed it?

Schiaparelli of Scuncalo?

If it gets too cold at night, there's enough room in there for the three of us.

Yes, and if I'm out late, you can leave the back door open.

What in the world is this?

It's a moose horn.

Well, it gives their mating call. Listen.

That's a mating call?

Well, you might not like it, but to a girl moose, this sounds like Frank Sinatra.

Okay. What in heaven's name was that?

The call to arms of a lovesick moose.

I thought local was having another sinus attack.

Honey, there are no moose where we're going. And besides, there must be ducks.

No ducks either? No ducks.

Look, sweetie, Mike was lucky enough to find a nice guy who seems to like her.

Let's not mess it up for her. I wouldn't think of it.

Whatever gave you that idea?

Hello, Mr. Kimbrough. I've got everything all ready for you, Mr. Kimbrough.

Oh, Nellie, this is Miss McCall. Mike, Nellie, my housekeeper.

Hello. How do you do? I thought you were coming up with Mr. Collins.

Oh, he couldn't make it. And I think Mike's much prettier, don't you?

Make yourself at home, will you?

Thanks.

Oh, it's just beautiful up here, Bud. Another one?

Oh, Nellie, this is Miss Hanson.

Hello. How do you do?

What's Loco doing?

Oh, admiring the scenery.

You mean there's another one out there?

You hit the jackpot.

They're all roommates of Miss McCall's, and... There's a wild animal chasing me!

Save me!

For heaven's sakes, what could it be? I don't know. It was all furry,

and its big eyes were glaring heavy. Or maybe it's a mountain lion, or even a bear.

I hope Bud's all right.

Maybe we should... Why, it's blue!

Poor little bugle. Yeah, look, I nearly scared it half to death.

Don't you know a plain ordinary cat when you see one?

When she sees one.

Wild animal. I'm positive there was one.

This beast was staring down at me out of the tree,

That's my prize Bengal head. Oh, if you think

you're in for a rough weekend, think of me.

Loco, I still don't see how it could have happened.

I told you. I thought it was a pheasant.

Well, you got back early. Any luck?

Yes.

Man, six. How'd that happen?

I'm lucky to be alive.

Meet Annie Oakley.

That's terrible.

Yeah, it's lucky I'm not in season.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's a big help.

One inch lower and my head would be on the wall with Junior. A real fun weekend.

More next time I'll know better.

Bud, you made Loco feel awful. Yeah?

Well, I wish I felt that good. Oh, Mike,

you and I could have had such a wonderful time.

Why did I let you talk me into bringing those two along?

You know darn well why.

Well, if you were so worried about me,

why didn't you hire a couple of Pinkerton men?

At least they know how to shoot straight.

You made a few mistakes.

If you were a gentleman, you'd go... A few mistakes?

That girl is a menace.

Now you're getting a little ridiculous.

The only time I was ever ridiculous was when I fell for that sinus routine.

You didn't fall for it. You knew what was going on.

Sure I did. I'd have done anything to be with you.

After all, you're the... Oh, Mike, what are we fighting about?

I'm sorry. I shouldn't be blowing off about Loco.

I know she means well.

I shouldn't have lost my temper either.

Loco is sweet, but she does have her lethal moments.

It's all behind us now.

I think you and I ought to concentrate on getting to know each other better.

Mike, will you come into the bedroom for a minute? What's the matter? Well,

Loco's feeling sick. I think she's coming down with something.

Oh.

Oh, no.

What's the matter? I don't know. I feel awful.

Say, you've got a temperature. Just what's bothering you?

My throat hurts and my eyes burn. My body aches all over.

Sure, sure.

Say, you really have a temperature.

Well, certainly. What did you think? You better call a doctor.

Well, that's a good trick. I haven't got a phone.

There must be a doctor around here somewhere.

I've never used any.

Say, there is a doctor about three or four miles from here.

Well, don't just stand there. Go get him.

Are you sure you didn't stick your head into a stove or something?

Don't start that again. Go get the doctor. The kid's really sick.

Okay.

Don't worry, honey. It's probably just a little cold.

Sure, it's nothing. Nothing at all.

Measles!

Measles? Measles?

Measles?

You sure, Dr. Peterson?

I've been a doctor for 42 years. I ought to know a measle when I see one.

This girl's just about as measly as you can get. All we needed.

Loca, where could you possibly have caught them? I don't know.

Isn't it funny? Helen Fogarty's got the measles, too.

You mean that friend you borrowed the clothes from?

Honey, how could you expose yourself to anyone with the measles?

Because she's local.

Local?

Well, don't worry, I'm a psychiatrist, too.

We country doctors have to do a little bit of everything.

Well, the only reason I went to see Helen was

because I had measles when I was a kid,

and you can't get measles twice.

Or was that the mumps I had?

Bronchitis?

Croup?

Sinus.

Well, there must be something we can do for her.

Nothing you can do but bed and rest.

She'll have to stay put for a while.

But we have to get back to New York tomorrow.

She'll be all right to travel, won't she?

Not for about a week. You heard what I said.

Chicken pox!

I said no such thing. You've got the measles.

Oh, no. That was chicken pox I had when I was a kid.

That's delirious.

Maybe even two weeks.

She's always that way.

Now, girls, I'm leaving in the morning.

If you want to drive back with me, Nellie can take care of Loco.

Hold your horses, sonny.

You're not going anyplace.

What do you mean?

This young lady's got the measles. The whole house is quarantined.

Quarantined? I'm kidding.

The last time I did any kidding was when the vet was sick, and I delivered Mrs.

Rogers' goat. Quarantine for the measles, that's old-fashioned.

That's just the kind of doctor I am.

Old-fashioned.

That's a good idea. I'll have one.

What?

An old-fashioned.

Well, my throat's dry.

Look, Doc, you've had your little joke,

but I've got to get back to New York tomorrow for a million-dollar merger.

And we have to get back to our jobs.

Nobody's leaving this house. That's orders from the county health officer.

This is the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. I've got to get back to the city.

I demand to see your stupid county health officer.

You're looking at him.

Well, there must be somebody we can appeal to.

How about the mayor?

All right, where can I find your stupid mayor?

We're looking at it. But where are they all?

The only one I see is the stupid doctor.

I don't care what you mean. Nobody's leaving.

You deceased city folks are not going to contaminate my nice, clean community.

Man's impossible.

Brother, I could cut my wrists.

I know.

You're the undertaker.

You're wrong.

That's my son.

Your temperature's down to normal, local. Sure you feel okay for the trip? Oh,

I feel pretty good. Do I have any spots yet?

Let me see.

No? You've got a mild case, I guess. Here, we'll bundle you out. Girls all ready?

Before that backwoods Dr. Kildare shows up.

Well, do you think it's all right to break the quarantine?

I'm positive. Well, the witch doctor I met in the

Congo is more up to date than this character.

Come on, we have a long ride. I've got just time to make that merger deadline.

What about breakfast?

Get that on the road. Nellie's still asleep. Come on,

let's make a beeline for that car.

Now I remember. What?

Oh, just now when he said beeline, I remembered.

It was the hives I had when I was a kid.

Oh, I've had a hard day. Now let's get going.

What's the matter?

Doc Peterson just drove up. Quick, let's stash this stuff.

In the bedroom. No, there's some.

What's my patient doing out there?

Well, she's feeling much better, doctor.

Her temperature is down to normal. Yes.

You definitely are not all better.

This is just the incubation period.

May I ask why you're wearing a hat?

Oh, why?

I mean, we... Well, she didn't want to catch coal in her hand.

Yes, she has a real bad case of sinus.

Yes, sinus. That's what it is.

Very interesting.

I see your tiger is suffering from the same condition.

Not it. He was shocked.

You all seem to be very jittery this morning.

Well, you know how it is, cooped up in quarantine.

Can't we be realistic about this, Doc?

Don't you think we could... Dad, are you all right?

What happened? What in the devil?

I've heard of elephants with trunks, but never a bear with a suitcase.

Who put this in here?

I did.

Marco!

Why, you're all dressed.

Of course, I should have known you're all dressed. Luggage hidden.

You were about to sneak out of here and break the quarantine.

And why not? Back in civilization, they don't quarantine for measles anymore.

I've got to get back to the city and make that business meeting.

You're not leaving as long as I'm county health officer.

Those are orders.

Now, where did I put that thermometer?

Now, I'm warning you, no more shenanigans.

Your temperature may be normal, but your IQ... Oh,

now, what are you talking about, Unlocal?

Well, there he goes. What do we do now?

I know what I'm doing.

If I miss that merger, I stand to lose a fortune.

Coming along, girls?

We're not staying here.

Oh, now, now, you just take it easy, loco. Here,

put this blanket around your shoulders. Okay.

Have we got everything?

I think so.

Watch that sinus.

For God's sake, someone keep an eye on local. As if anything else could go wrong.

It's lucky I came back. I thought you'd try something like this. Look,

I've had enough of this horsing around.

I'm leaving. I don't care if you're the doctor, the psychiatrist,

the county health officer, the mayor. You don't have

the authority to hold us here. You're not the law.

No?

What do you call this?

Poor Bud.

Missing out on that deal cost him a fortune.

He hasn't called you since, has he?

No.

Who cares?

Millionaires are like streetcars.

Yes, but have you noticed how few streetcars there are lately?

I'll get it.

Well, it's the streetcar!

Oh, Loco, sweetie, your wonderful measles just saved me a half million dollars.

Huh?

Well, if I'd been down here to make that deal,

I'd have merged with a company that was broke.

I don't understand. Well, they phonied up their books,

and when the deal fell through, they went into bankruptcy.

Oh, I could kiss you all.

Well, you better start with Mike.

What's the matter? I don't know. What do mumps feel like?

Mumps?

Oh, I gotta get out of here. I need to take another quarantine. Bye.

The mumps...

You know, I had mumps when I was a kid.

Was that whooping cough?

Scarlet fever?

Mumps? No.