Original subtitles

Golf tournament.

Bringing out the country club set and drones.

Men of wealth and position becoming worshipful slaves of the masters of the machine.

You can have the masters.

I'll take the slaves.

To improve your golf?

To marry, mister.

To marry.

Well, we've saved up 3,300 stamps. Really?

That's just enough for one complete egg beater.

How many stamps do we need for that TV set that's in the catalog? Forget it.

By the time we save that many, there'll be a new medium.

I just wish those stamps could help us pay off the installment company.

They're getting pretty ugly about those bedroom drapes.

Well, they can't get any uglier than the drapes.

I just hope Loco got that job today.

All we need is $222. I owe a dollar at the delicatessen. Hi, girl. Hi.

What are you doing? Ironing clothes?

One of us is, but I'm not going to tell you which one. Did you get the job?

Nope.

Missed again. Gee, you should have seen the crowd outside of that building.

I guess they all came down to see you.

Oh, no.

They were all watching the policeman's horse in the lobby. You paced for a while,

Sergeant. I want to interrogate the witness.

Now, local, you say there was this policeman's horse in the lobby? Uh-huh.

He had to run there when the cab hit the bus. Well, Inspector,

I have a way with these natives.

Now, miss, about this taxi bumping into a bus.

Well, the cab driver couldn't help it anyway.

Oh.

He was hit from behind by that cute boy in the

red convertible with the blonde wavy hair.

A red convertible with blonde wavy hair.

Now, local, let's take this from the beginning.

The horse went into the lobby when the bus was hit by the cab

that was hit by the car that was driven by that cute boy. That's what I said.

And did anything else happen?

I couldn't see.

I was in the cab.

Marco, honey, are you all right? Are you all right? Oh, sure.

I just got shook up a bit.

But you should have seen how fast that crowd gathered.

As if there'd been an accident or something.

And I was almost late for my interview because a man

came up and was asking me all sorts of questions.

He even wanted my address.

Oh, I guess they'll want you for a witness.

Oh, I'll answer the door.

You girls finish ironing and make dinner.

That seems fair enough.

Yes?

My dear girl, you shouldn't be walking around. I shouldn't?

After that terrible accident.

This poor child may have a concussion.

She doesn't even remember talking to me after the collision. Sit down, my dear.

I think you're mistaken, sir.

Who are you?

I'm the poor child who has a concussion. I mean, who was in the accident.

Oh, of course. Then you sit down.

Please, my dear, you get up. Thank you.

Well, it's very nice of you to be concerned, Mr... Oh, Lumpford.

Lumpford's the name. I.H. Lumpford, at your service.

Oh, you're a lawyer.

Ah, but that has nothing to do with my being here.

I was just interested in how the little lady felt after the collision.

Oh, thank you, but I feel fine.

Oh, I've seen enough of these cases to know that a victim can

walk away from an accident feeling perfectly all right,

and six months later... What's... I'd rather not say.

I can only tell you that sometimes it's even worse.

Okay.

Yes? This is Miss Jones.

It's an insurance company.

Oh, no, no, not at all. I feel perfectly fine.

I had to take the phone from the girl's shaky hand, sir. Yes, yes. Oh,

she's paid it again. That's the third time.

The accident.

Oh, yes, she's a very plucky girl.

I think you'd better do that.

What did you do that for? How dare you take Loco's call?

Because as I told you, this little girl's in no position

to know the full extent of her injuries.

Of all the nerves.

She doesn't have the slightest idea of how much she can collect.

We don't go around suing people, Mr. Lumpert.

But she's got to be examined by a competent physician.

This way.

Look, girls, I don't think you understand.

Mr. Lumford, I think it is very wrong of you to come into a girl's home,

whoever that girl might be, and scare her into thinking she is sick,

whoever she might be, and especially since it's me, and...

Particularly since I have never felt better in my whole life.

No, Cole, what is it? Are you all right? What is it, honey? What happened?

I don't know, Cole.

All of a sudden, I felt dizzy and faint.

Oh, well, it probably isn't anything serious.

You know, my cousin Phyllis used to faint all

the time whenever she got near cooked fish.

Oh, well, it couldn't be that. I had mackerel for dinner last night.

And it was cooked.

Maybe you're allergic to something else.

Nonsense. She's not allergic to anything. She's suffering from severe shock.

Oh, this is awful.

I told you so.

Oh, but I'm fine. Don't worry about me.

No, I don't mean you. I was thinking about the insurance

company when we get through with them.

Now, easy, mister.

Leave everything to Lumpa.

Now.

When that insurance company doctor gets here,

you tell him that every bone in your body hurts,

and you haven't been the same since the accident.

Wouldn't that be dishonest?

Dishonest?

Yeah.

Just a moment. The name is Lumford.

I.H. Lumford. By reputation, the I.H. has grown to mean integrity and honesty.

I merely want you to tell the doctor the truth, that you're a complete,

nervous wreck, and you may never work again.

If she does what you tell her to, she'll work

plenty on some chain gang, nothing more.

I see.

Well, then.

When the doctor comes, promise me you won't do or say a thing until I get here.

I may be able to hand over to you girls a very handsome check. Shall we say $50,000?

How about a small advance?

Advance? Fine.

I'd be happy to accept the check for sale.

$20, huh?

That wasn't exactly what I had in mind. An advance to us.

Now, remember, don't let the doctor do a thing till I get here.

You stole him any way that you can. Leave the rest to I.H.

Good day, ladies.

$50,000. Wow. Gee, if we spend that in the right places,

we'll have enough stamps to get anything.

Hello?

Doctor who?

Oh.

Send him up, please.

The insurance doctor's on his way up.

I'd better call integrity and honesty. Hello?

Mr. Lumford? This is Loco Jones' friend, Greta.

It's D-hour.

Yes, doctor's hour.

All right, but hurry.

Hey, here's a thought.

How are we going to stall until Lumford gets here?

We could play Scrabble.

You must be the plumber. Well, we had it fixed this morning.

We'll call you if it stops up again.

I'll be there in a minute.

Just a second.

There must be some mistake.

Of course there's a mistake.

I told you your helper was here this morning and fixed the leak.

But I'm not the plumber. Oh, of course he isn't.

Can't you see he's much too well-dressed to be a plumber?

I'm a very busy man, and I have a lot of calls to make today.

I know. You're the man from the encyclopedia. I know they're wonderful,

but we're really not interested now.

I am not the plumber, nor the man from the encyclopedia.

I am Dr. Covell from the Sunrise Insurance Company,

and I have come to examine Miss Jones. Now, may I come in?

Oh, why, of course. Oh.

I'm terribly sorry, Doctor. I don't know how we could

have made such a mistake. Go right this way.

I merely want to examine the patient, make out my report, and leave.

Now, which one of you was in the accident?

Well, that's all you want to know. It was me.

Well, that's something to work on. Now, if you'll sit down, I'd like to examine you.

Here?

My bag.

Well, I'm sure I... Maybe you left it in your car.

I did not leave my bag in the car.

I always carry my bag with me.

And I distinctly remember placing it on the floor right here.

If you want to, I can borrow some tools from a doctor I used to go with.

Certainly was a nice fellow.

Please, please, I have no time for small talk. I have a lot of calls to make today.

Do you want to use the phone? I mean house calls.

It's a house phone.

I'm beginning to think all three of you were hit by a car.

Or maybe it was me.

Oh, would you like my friend the doctor to examine you?

There is nothing wrong with me physically.

But I do think I'm losing my mind. Oh.

Well, maybe I did leave my bag in the car.

Well, does this hurt you?

I'm not allowed to say.

In all my 25 years of practice, I have never had an examination quite like this.

First, I am mistaken for a plumber,

then I find my bag in a potted palm on the terrace,

and now I have a patient who won't tell me anything.

Well, Miss Jones, I can find absolutely nothing wrong with you,

but I'm sure that I'll feel better after I've taken a sedative.

Am I in time? Yes.

Miss Jones, what are you doing standing up? Somebody

open the window, please. The patient needs air.

If she doesn't lie down, you know, I won't be responsible for the consequences.

This is Dr. Cavell from the Sunrise Insurance Company. This

is Mr. Lumford, our lawyer.

Dr. Cavell, I know your name, of course.

It's a privilege to meet such a distinguished physician. Thank you.

Dr. Cavell says Loco isn't sick at all.

Not sick.

Are you sure you went to an accredited college? I beg your pardon? Oh,

look at that poor child. Her complexion's sallow.

She's lethargic. She can hardly keep her eyes open.

She looks perfectly all right to me.

Well, doctor.

You're entitled to your findings, of course,

but I want this little girl examined by a family physician.

Family physician?

My brother's a doctor.

Dr. Cavell.

If indeed you are a doctor.

Careful what you say, sir. The libel laws in this state are very strict.

All I know is that only yesterday I was standing

talking to the little lady just like this.

I saw it with my own eyes.

She got dizzy and fainted dead away.

Loco! Loco, what is it? What's wrong? What's the matter?

I can't understand it.

What, Doctor, what?

It's a clear case of syncope.

What does that mean in English?

It means I fainted again.

Miss Jones, we have read very carefully Dr. Covell's report about you. Mr. Snyder,

I know you're the toughest adjuster Sunrise Insurance has,

but let me warn you that my client is in a very strong position.

We are well aware of your client's position.

My company is prepared to make a cash settlement. Whatever it is, it's not enough.

Then suppose you name a figure.

Well, we don't want to hold anybody up,

so let's make it as easy as possible for everybody concerned.

Oh, no.

I know you're in pain, my dear. They'll pay for it.

Uh-huh. Well, that's just a little above the figure we had in mind.

What did you have in mind? $500.

Well, at least that's something to work on. Home negotiations compromise.

What do you say to $45,000? Mr. Lumpard, I did not come here to negotiate.

I came here with one figure in mind, $750.

That's absolutely out of the question. In that case, see you in court.

It will be a pleasure.

There goes $750 right out the door. I thought you were on our side.

I'll run downstairs and beat him to the street.

He'll be back.

He'll be back.

Perhaps I was too hasty. I've decided to raise my last

figure considerably to make all concerned happy.

What is it?

I can't permit it. Thank you very much.

Now, stay here, Mr. Lumford.

You'll be back.

Nine hundred and a quarter.

No, no, no, thanks.

What a delicious dinner. You know, I don't often get a home-cooked meal.

Now then.

Do we all know what we're going to say when we get in court in the morning?

Are you sure this is the way things are done, Mr. Lumford?

I mean to rehearse like this.

Why, of course. How else would you know what to do?

Now let's go over one or two things again.

Miss Jones, where were you on September 5th?

May I have a glass of water, please?

I feel faint.

Perfect.

I hope I can remember.

Oh, you've got to remember. September 5th, water. 5th, water.

5th, water.

5th, water.

Now, what do you answer when I ask, have you worked since the accident?

Oh, no, sir. Who would hire a girl who could not be relied on because

she might break down because of the terrible accident she had? Sure.

Do we have to rehearse anymore, Mr. Lumford? I'm tired and sleepy.

And besides, somebody might call to take me out dancing.

If they do, it'll be the first time in months.

You're right.

I can't remember the last time I was asked to go dancing.

Dancing. I might be able to use that.

Well, girls, get a good night's sleep. After tomorrow, you'll all be on easy street.

I don't think we've got enough car fare to get there.

When we leave that court tomorrow, your only money problems will be the income tax.

And you won't even have any of those.

Why not?

I've got another brother who's an accountant.

Now, Mr. Plough, as the driver of the taxi cab,

would you please tell the court exactly how the accident occurred?

Yeah, yeah, I'll give you an idea what happened.

I just pulled up to the curb. You know what I mean?

And I was about to get out and opened the door.

You know what I mean? When all of a sudden, bang-go.

You never heard such a crash.

By the time your cab was at a complete stop?

If I was stopped anymore, I'd be going backwards. You know what I mean?

Yes.

Your witness, Counselor.

Will you ask your lawyer if he'll accept this offer?

Quiet, please.

Miss Hanson, as Miss Jones's roommate, prior to the accident,

have you ever known her to faint before?

Oh, no, sir. Loco's as strong as an ox.

Whenever any of the furniture has to be moved, she's the one who does it.

Would you say that Miss Jones enjoys dancing?

Does she?

You know, local was once named Miss Twinkle Toes of Cherimoya Lodge.

I object, Your Honor. Miss Jones' ability as a dancer is

highly irrelevant and has no bearing on the accident.

Overruled.

Continue, Counselor.

Is it not true that since this terrible accident...

That sweet little girl has not danced even once.

Well, you see, she... Answer the question, please.

No, sir, she hasn't danced since the accident.

But that's only because she... Thank you, Miss Hanson.

Your witness.

No questions. Will you ask Mr. Lumpert if they'll accept this new offer?

Mr. Harwick, you're the driver of the vehicle that had the collision with the taxi,

is that right? Yes, sir. Did you notice the occupant of the taxi?

Oh, yes, sir. How could you help it?

She's so pretty.

Well, Mr. Harwick, we're all searching for the same

thing in this court, the truth and justice.

Can you give any reason for the accident that would be of interest to the court?

Well, all I can say, sir, is that it was just my fault, that's all.

I was about to stop because I remember seeing

the cab stop in front of me, but then...

This young lady, I mean Miss Jones,

turned around and she was so beautiful that I forgot all about

what I was doing and my car just smacked into the cabin.

To tell you the truth, I'm just so sorry that this whole thing happened,

and I feel terrible that Miss Jones had any trouble at all.

And I agree with you that all we want is justice.

Because of this accident,

my father's taking away my car and a trip to Europe this summer,

but it was my fault, and I deserve it.

That'll be all, Mr. Harwick.

Any questions, Mr. Swaner?

Now, Your Honor, I'd like to have the plaintiff herself sworn in.

But with the court's permission,

I would like to ask if the clerk swear her in where she's seated

in order to avoid that long walk to the witness chair.

Oh, it's all right. I can go up there.

Swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? I do.

She's a brave little lady.

Miss Jones, are you quite comfortable?

American spunk.

I'm fine.

Miss Jones. I'm sorry, Your Honor.

I can't look at her without thinking of how she used to dance.

Let's go on.

Tell us how you've felt since that fateful day when this careless young man,

this overage juvenile delinquent,

came careening down the street to crash into your cab on September 5th.

Wait till the judge gets a load of Loco's baby blue.

Well, I left the house about ten... That was September 5th.

I was telling you, I left the house... Miss Jones, I'm talking about September 5th.

Remember? September 5th.

I was telling you.

Water. Would you like some water?

Oh, no, thank you. I had some orange juice before I got here.

But you don't look very well, Miss Jones.

Maybe you'd like to have a little recess.

Oh, that is, if it's all right with your honor. Would you like a recess, Miss Jones?

Oh, no, thank you. I feel perfectly fine.

We'll continue.

Miss Jones, is it not true that you're considered

a very successful model around New York?

Well, I suppose so.

And is it not also true that you have not worked in one single

job in your profession since this terrible thing happened?

That's absolutely right.

Now, Miss Jones, is it not true that you, a one-time successful model,

has not worked once in her profession since that horrible

accident because of the injuries received then?

Why, no, Mr. Lumford, not at all. The accident had nothing to do with it.

What you're trying to say is, in your deranged condition,

that the accident had everything to do with it, is that right?

Oh, dear me, no, not at all.

The only reason I haven't worked is because nobody's offered me a job.

It's been slow in the modeling business. I object.

I object. I object to the objection.

And I object to the objection to the objection. Please,

you cannot object to testimony of your own client.

Now, please, continue with your testimony.

Miss Jones, can you deny that in the presence of your roommates and myself,

that you had two fainting spells?

What's a couple of fainting spells? It clears the head.

I never felt better in my whole life.

I don't know what this trial is all about,

and I think it's very unfair that we have to make trouble for that nice young man.

Your Honor, I move for a dismiss.

Apparently there have been no injuries suffered.

Case dismissed.

Oh, Loco, you were wonderful. Poor but honest.

Miss Jones, what happened? Couldn't you remember September 5th?

5th?

5th.

Oh, Mr. Lumpard, could I please have a glass of water?

Miss Jones, I don't know how to thank you.

I just spoke to Mr. Snyder. He also handles the insurance for my dad's bank.

Your dad has a bank?

Maybe we ought to go back and appeal.

Tell me, why did you say you were all right?

I understand you actually fainted twice.

Oh, well, I guess she's like my cousin Phyllis, allergic to fish.

Oh, hogwash. Nobody can tell me that she can walk away from a horrible

accident unharmed and yet faint when she gets near something like a,

well, let's say a little flower.

What happened? I did it again.

Are you all right, honey?

Yeah, did you get hurt?

My back hurts.

Well, lucky thing I was here. I'll handle the case.

Oh, no, you won't. You're the one she's suing.