Original subtitles

Steel, the very might and sinew of our nation's progress.

From this blast furnace alone, production running into the millions.

Phew, must be a cooler way of collaring those millions.

Well, you name it, lady.

Gladly.

Marry him.

Oh, I hope so. Did you get a new blue dress?

No, I looked all over for that. Oh, here, girls. Let me help you with those.

Oh, thank you, Jessie. Thank you, Jessie.

What quiz show did you win? Oh, it's a new one called Heaven Help Our Charge, pal.

Jessie, you look so cute in those packages. Yes, positively gift-wrapped.

Going up?

Oh, back so soon, Mrs. Lowell? Yes, it's too warm out for my baby.

Please try to make it a smooth ride. I didn't give Sylvester his Dramamine today.

He gets headaches, you know.

Oh, I have the same trouble.

Oh.

Sylvester's perspiring.

Would you please put the fan on?

Certainly, Mrs. Lowell.

Could one of you girls press the fan button, please? Sure.

Sylvester! Sylvester, where are you? Sylvester! Sylvester, stop that.

Stop that baby, Sylvester.

Do you want to get germs?

I hope you'll forget me, Jesse.

Sure, I just hope she doesn't report me to Mr. Hayward.

Who's he? Oh, some eager beaver the owners

of the building sent over to cut expenses.

What's that got to do with you? Plenty.

Hayward?

He just bounced a doorman. Oh, he did? Yeah, and he dropped two of the porters.

Well, you don't have anything to worry about, Jesse,

unless they're thinking of taking out the elevators and putting in mountain goats.

This Hayward character's going to hear from us.

I think it's disgraceful.

Well, wait till you hear about the other things he's been doing around here.

And not only that, he put the handyman on part-time.

Well, what if something goes wrong with the plumbing?

You better start to learn how to swim.

Why, he's so miserable, he'd fire his own mother.

Why, he'd, uh... Well, hi, Mr. Hayward.

So there you are, Flew.

Good afternoon, ladies.

I'm Bertram Hayward.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I beg your pardon?

Firing your own mother.

She's a million laughs. Yes, well, never you mind that.

Flug, you are guilty of dereliction of duty.

You have deserted your post, leaving an elevator unguarded.

Why?

Have any been stolen lately? For goodness sake,

all he did was help us with our packages.

Yes, could a mountain goat do that?

You were hired as an elevator operator, not a stevedore. Now quickly.

Back to your post.

Yes, sir.

Why, Jesse always does these little things for us.

Exactly why I'm here.

That's all I've found in this building.

Gross negligence, dereliction of duty, and economic waste.

An apartment building is like the human body.

Unless all the parts are functioning properly, there's bound to be a health problem.

And this building is sick, sick, sick!

Isn't he a living doll?

If I were his mother, I wouldn't wait to be fired.

I quit. How do you like that? No hot water again.

Oh, I thought my hot shower felt different.

Jack Hayward's carrying his economy wave too far.

Yesterday, he went around turning down the pilot lights on all the stoves.

With the rent we pay, I think we should...

I'll get it.

That's probably Hayward with some three-watt bulbs for our lamps.

Well, Jessie, come on in.

Deserting your post again? Turn in your push button. You're through.

You can say that again.

Hayward just fired me.

What?

He can't do that.

Who can't do what to who? Hayward just fired Jesse.

But why?

Who's saving money? The elevators are going to be self-service.

Self-service?

He can't do this to us.

Well, I'm going to give Hayward a piece of my mind. Me too.

I refuse to ride on mountain goats.

Excuse me.

I didn't hear you. Knock.

Oh, we must save wear and tear on your door.

Mr. Hayward, we refuse to ride in self-service elevators.

Now, ladies, let's discuss this sensibly and calmly.

Sensibly?

I can just picture Loco running the elevator up to the 32nd floor.

The building only has 21 floors.

That's just what I mean. She's liable to wind up in

orbit. Well, never mind me. What about poor Jesse?

He's got four mouths to feed.

Guess he isn't even married.

No, but he's got a goldfish, a fox terrier, and two parakeets.

Only for him, I'll give him his severance pay in birdseed.

The rent we have to pay, we have to put up with cold water, no service,

and now we have to take our lives and our hands in that elevator.

Aren't you being carried away?

All you have to do is push a little button.

Mm-hmm. That's what they keep saying at Cape Canaveral. Mr. Hayward,

as tenants of this building, we demand that Jesse get his job back.

We insist on it. You're darn right.

Why did you do that?

All she did was push a little button.

Oh!

Is this a button?

I must insist you leave this office at once!

My order stands. That elevator man is still fired.

All right.

But if there are any accidents, you're going to be in hot water.

In this building?

You mean cold water. Hi.

Oh, hi, Mike.

How'd things go today? Oh, the usual.

You know who I bumped into downtown? Jesse.

I almost didn't recognize him in cities. Well, has he gotten a job yet?

No, it's been over a week. He's really discouraged.

I asked him to stop by and say hello. Oh, good.

You know, I sure do miss him.

Oh, I'd like to do something to get even with that penny-pinching Hayward.

I just did. I turned up the pilot light.

Hello, kids.

Hi, local.

Oh, that self-service elevator. I thought I'd never make it.

Well, you're here now, so you can just relax.

Yes, but my stomach's back on the 14th floor.

Maybe you should have borrowed some of Sylvester's Dramamine.

Jesse's gonna drop by today. He still hasn't gotten a job.

Poor Jesse.

It's a shame we can't help him find something.

I tried, but there's nothing doing at my office.

There isn't anything at the studio, either.

Well, I tried at my place, but there was only one job open.

Well, why didn't you grab it for him?

Jesse, a lingerie model? You're right, local. He'd never pass the physical.

We've got to do something.

Oh, that's probably Jesse. Maybe he's got some good news.

Oh, hi, Jesse. Hi.

Any luck, Jesse, to get a job?

Yeah, but I can't decide whether I want to be president of

the Bank of the United States or lifeguard in the car wash.

I'd take the job in the car wash. At least you'd be out of doors.

Can't you tell when somebody's kidding?

Buck up, Jesse. You're bound to find something.

Well, it just doesn't seem to be any openings for elevator men.

Well, have you been checking the WOD apps?

Oh, sure.

There's bound to be something.

Oh, say, here's one. Man with vodka anxious to meet girl with vermouth.

Object martini. Loco, that's the personal column. The want ads are over here.

Hey, Jessie, how about this?

Young men wanted to train for public speaking.

Me? Public speaking?

After I say, please step to the rear of the car, I'm dead.

Isn't that very funny?

You think so?

Yes.

Object Martinez.

Jessie, haven't you ever done any other kind of work?

Well, the only thing I was ever good at was dancing.

Say, I used to be an instructor at Dance Land. Let's see.

Oh, loco. Come on.

I can just see it now. The rage of Park Avenue.

Loco and Jesse.

Jesse and Loco.

Jesse, you're pretty good. Let's try some more, huh? Hey, wait a minute.

Maybe I can get some music.

Mr. Hayward! How long have I been dancing with you? Too long.

What are you doing here?

Well, I, uh... Mr. Flug happens to be our guest.

Do you mean to tell me that you're fraternizing with a former elevator operator?

Fraternizing? We certainly were not. We were just dancing.

Whatever it is you were doing, you'll have to stop it.

I was in the apartment below.

You've jarred some of the plaster loose.

Well, it isn't our fault your old building is falling apart.

My dear young ladies, do you realize it is going to cost me at least $50 in repairs?

I am here to cut expenses, not increase them.

I could lose my job.

Now, let's have no more of this.

Did you hear what he said?

If he doesn't cut expenses, he could lose his job. Yeah.

We could really fix his wagon.

I wouldn't do a thing for him.

Loco, don't you get it? If Hayward loses his job, Jesse might get his back.

Oh, do you really think so? Sure.

What are we waiting for?

On with all the lights. Up with the heat. Up

with the pilot light. Turn on the hot water.

Don't just stand there, local.

The plumber's friend. Get rid of the evidence. I'll go let him in.

Well, Mr. Hayward, again.

This is my fourth visit today.

Yes, we're practically going steady.

Miss McCall, you know this is the handyman's day off.

Are you quite sure that these emergencies aren't premeditated?

Why, Mr. Hayward, you yourself said that a building

can get sick just like the human body.

Well, this apartment should be sent straight to the Mayo Clinic.

What is it this time?

The kitchen sink. Uh-huh.

Well, there's a bulletin.

Never mind. I'll have this thing fixed in a jiffy.

You know, it's too bad you don't have a full-time handyman.

Well, I promised the management, economy with no reduction in service.

That's just what you're going to get.

Don't you call firing the elevator man a reduction

in service? No, miss. Well, say something.

I'd love to, but I'm a Harvard man.

Let's dispense with a conversation, if you please. Hmm.

Stop with something.

It's this.

It's paper.

Wrapping paper.

Loco, did you do that?

Well, I like to gift wrap our garbage.

Well, it's all clear now.

All we have to do is turn on the tap and check it.

Did I get you wet?

That's quite all right. It was time for my afternoon shower.

Now, just keep away from that faucet, if you please.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Hayward. You're a doll.

Never mind the soft soap.

I'm going to have a doctor check my head, and if there are any injuries...

You will hear from my lawyer.

Good day.

Maybe we've gone too far.

No, we can't stop now. We owe it to Jesse.

Oh, honey, don't let that Ivy League prudence penny get you down.

Oh, it's not that. I had a little trouble with

the elevator coming up, and I feel sick.

Oh, you poor dear. Can I get you an aspirin or

something? Oh, no thanks. I'll be all right.

You know, Hayward's mentioning a lawyer gives me an idea.

Maybe there's a legal way we can get Jesse's job back.

Like what?

Well, look.

Local gets sick riding alone in the elevator, right?

Then it's a hardship for her, right?

Well, if we can prove this legally,

then they'll have to give us the original services they

promised us in the lease. But how do we do that?

It's simple. We just get a doctor's certificate stating

that Loco cannot ride alone in the elevator.

Yeah, then they'd have to give Jesse his job back.

Say, there's a doctor right here in the building, Dr. Strick.

Oh, no, he's a psychiatrist. Well, that's even better.

We can say that Loco has claustrophobia. That's it.

You can have claustrophobia.

Oh, no, I couldn't.

I've never been bitten by a dog.

Honey, I said claustrophobia.

Well, I've never been clawed by one either.

Never mind.

Let's drop in on Dr. Strick for a neighborly visit.

We'll tell him what our problem is.

And so we thought that you'd sign a statement to the

fact that she can't ride alone in the elevator.

Well, frankly, the term claustrophobia is used quite loosely by the layman.

There are many ramifications involved, and...

I couldn't attest to Miss Jones' condition without examining her.

Oh, that's okay with me.

No, Loco. Don't you know how a psychiatrist works?

All he does is sit you down on the couch and ask you questions.

Is that right?

Gee, I think most of my dates must have been psychiatrists.

No, you do just what the doctor says, Logo. Yes,

he's been such a good neighbor giving us his time.

Well, it's in a good cause.

I like Jesse, too.

Now, if you ladies will leave us, I think we can do much better alone.

That's what my dates always said.

You just wait in the den and mix yourselves a drink. We won't be very long.

Uh, you did say our problem was claustrophobia.

Thanks, Doctor.

Oh, don't thank me yet. I'm still not quite sure that I'll be able to help you.

Now, Miss Jones, of course you know what claustrophobia is.

I think so.

Well, putting it simply, it's the fear of being in a confined area in a tight space.

I know.

That's why I gave up wearing sweaters.

Let's get back to the elevator.

Now, when you're in there alone, What symptoms do you have? Just how do you feel?

Oh, I get dizzy.

Well, how can you tell?

Well, is there anything else?

Do you ever get panicky?

Or are you ever frightened?

Oh, yes.

And this only happens when you're alone in the elevator.

Yes.

When I'm alone, I have to push the buttons myself, and I'm a little nearsighted,

you know, so I usually push the wrong button.

All I do is go up and down and up and down.

Oh, no wonder you get dizzy.

Why don't you wear your glasses?

I would... Think of it?

Not when there might be a man around.

Well, how could there be if you're alone in the elevator?

Without my glasses, how can I be sure?

I wonder how Freud would handle a case like this.

I thought you said you'd do anything to help Jesse.

Why did you have to tell the doctor the truth? Well,

can I help it if I don't have claustrophobia? Yeah,

but you should see the list of things he said you do have.

Just teasing.

Well, if it isn't the Jesse Flug fan club. What's going on?

Unless you move the penthouse to the basement to save heat.

You will have your little joke.

That was rather puny.

Ah, the wonders of automation.

I should pay an elevator man to do that?

At least Jesse could fix a sink without half killing himself.

That is not what he was hired for.

There.

Now, could you ask for a smoother stop than that?

I'll take machine against man anytime.

Good day.

Machine against man.

Why, if this elevator were to get stuck just once, he'd... Say, why not?

I still don't see where I come in.

I'm trying to tell you. When we gals get stuck in the elevator,

I'll call Hayward on the emergency phone. And he won't know what to do.

And you'll be here to dash to our rescue.

We'll give Hayward such a scare, he'll beg you to come back to work.

Gosh, I don't see why you girls go to such trouble just for a poor schnook like me.

Now, don't talk like that, Jesse. You're the most wonderful schnook we know.

Well, the sooner we get started, the sooner we get your job back.

Operation Snafu is underway.

Well, where do you think we ought to stop it?

Just a couple of floors down so Jesse won't have so far to go. Okay.

Well, we're off.

Well, here we are, floor 19 and a half.

Oh, isn't this exciting?

Oh, I don't know. This happens to me all the time.

I'm going to put in the SOS girls now and get panicky.

Hello? Help!

Help! Help!

Miss McCall, we're stuck in the elevator. You've got to get us out of here. Well,

oh, well, I'm too young to die.

My claustrophobia's killing me.

Now, keep calm. It can't possibly be stuck.

Press all of the buttons. One of them should have started. Oh,

we've pressed everything. We're stuck between the floors.

You've got to help us.

Now, there's nothing to get excited about.

I'll call the elevator company. They'll send a serviceman over. Wait right there.

Wait here? Oh, we'll never last. The walls are closing in. Poor local.

She just faded. That's right. The poor girl's delirious. I can't stand it.

Oh, Mike just fainted, too. We can't hold out. You've

got to call Jesse. He's in our apartment.

He'll save us.

Jesse no longer works here. I'll call the elevator

company. Now, don't panic. They'll be here.

We can't stay here that long.

The girls are in terrible shape. You've got to call a doctor.

And after you call him, call our lawyer.

Lawyer?

Did you say lawyer? Stay right where you are.

I'll get Jesse.

Hi, girls.

Gee, Jesse, you look like you're on television.

We got a big, big rescue for you this week. Big, big rescue. Really big.

Well, it worked. You mean you got your job back? Yep, just like you planned.

I said I wouldn't help unless you put me back on the payroll, and here I am.

What did you say to him? He's in a state of shock. Oh,

the secret word for tonight is lawyer. Gee,

I don't know how I'm ever going to thank you girls.

The penthouse, James.

What's the matter, Jesse?

We really are stuck.

When you hear what happened, Mr. Hayward's gone.

You mean he lost his job? No, no, wait till you hear the news.

He was really the boss's son.

I thought he was too uppity for a job like that. Wait till you get this.

He lost so much money for the building that his old man

is sending him back to Harvard for a refresher course.

Serves him right. Maybe they have a course in sink fixing.

Wait a minute.

I just thought of something.

If he's the boss's son, then he must be a millionaire.

Oh, and if we'd been nicer to him, maybe... Oh, who cares?

That's right. We may have lost a millionaire.

But we gained an elevator man. Thanks, Jeffy. Thanks, Jeff.

Thanks, Jeff.