Original subtitles

Polo, sport of the bluebloods.

How can you get to play it?

You don't, unless you are a blueblood or a thoroughbred polo pony.

There's another way you can get to play it.

I'm listening, lady.

Marry a blueblood.

You know, Greta, this is the first time I've ever been to Mike's office.

What do you think of it? Gee, they certainly are busy.

When do they have time to play Scrabble?

What? Well, that's the largest Scrabble board I ever saw.

Loco, those are just the stock quotations. Put your glasses on.

Oh, well, they must be the foreign stocks.

Ac, am, ac, arapa.

What does that mean in English?

Those are abbreviations.

For instance, CW means Central Western Railroad.

Is that all there is to it? I thought the stock market

was complicated. Oh, what company is that?

E-X-I. That's the exit sign.

Oh, here comes Mike. Oh, hi, kids. I'll be right with you. Come on over.

I checked Mr. Cameron's out to lunch. However, I'll pick the order. Mm-hmm.

You want to buy 300 Cornwall metal, sell 650 universal smelting.

Thank you. Shall do.

Anyone ready for lunch?

Gee, it's so exciting down here on Wall Street.

Any noses for powder?

Mine could use a dab. Well, I'm going to stay here and look around. Okay, let's go.

One o'clock report. Market's a little off.

Aren't we all?

Hello?

No, Mr. Cameron is out to lunch.

Yes, I'll take the order. E-L...

Kennedy, sell 1,000 shares of National Copper.

Oh, I'll repeat that. 1,000 shares of National Copper. Bye.

1,000 shares of National Copper.

Was that buy or sell? You got me.

Let me see.

He said a thousand shares of National Copper. Bye.

Bye? Bye!

Ready to go, Miss Baruch?

Let's hurry. I am starved. Mike, an order came through. I took it for you.

You did? Yes, sirree. It's for Mr. Kennedy.

He's an important client of Mr. Cameron's.

Say, you did pretty good. I watched you do it

before. Come on, kids, it's getting late.

I should check back, but if I do, we'll never get a table.

Are you sure you got the order straight?

I repeated it to him.

Well, I guess it's okay then. I'll put it through. Oh, what do you mean,

put it through? Come on, I'll show you.

Positive, he said, bye. Was it sell?

Are you still at it? Bye.

Oh, well, I can't be too far off. It's got to be one or the other. Hi, Mike.

What are you doing home in the middle of the day?

Why, what's the matter?

What is it?

I've just come down with a severe case of unemployment.

I'd better call the doctor.

Unemployment?

Well, you lost your job, but how? What happened?

I'll answer those questions one at a time. Loco Jones, Loco Jones, and Loco Jones.

I'd better get that doctor. She's delirious. What?

Do it. Why didn't I check that stock order?

I should have known better than to take Loco's word for it.

Did I do something wrong?

You just got me fired. You know that order you took on the phone yesterday? Mr.

Kennedy wanted us to sell a thousand shares, not buy.

That's impossible. I remember his exact words. He said,

sell 1,000 shares of national stock. Bye.

He did say sell.

Greta, will you please ask Loco to pass the sugar?

Loco, will you please pass the sugar?

Here you are.

Tell her, thank you. She says, thank you, Loco. Tell

her, you're welcome. She says, you're welcome.

Greta, would you ask Mike to pass the cream, please?

Mike, would you pass the cream, please?

Thank you.

She says thank you, Mike.

Mike, would you ask Greta to pass the butter, please?

Greta, will you please pass the butter to... I'm the one that's not talking.

I'm confused. Shall we start over again?

Will you please tell Mike... Look, this has gone far enough.

Locos told you a dozen times she's sorry. That isn't going to get my job back.

Besides, it was tough enough getting along on three checks.

How are we going to manage on two?

I've got an idea how to get your job back. I'll get dressed up, hop in a cab,

and go down and see your boss. Stay away from Wall Street.

They couldn't stand another crash.

Don't worry. I'll tell the cabbie to drive very carefully.

She said she'd tell the cabbie. I'm happy to drive carefully. What am I saying?

And for further substantiation of my opinions regarding this investment,

I refer you to the enclosed financial report of the past year.

It was very truly J. W. Cameron.

Mr. Cameron, there's a Miss Fortescue here to see you.

I don't know any Miss Fortescue. You know my rules.

No one sees me without an appointment.

Well, I know, but it's just that she's loaded down with furs and jewels.

She seems like a very rich woman.

Oh, she does.

Well, I think she just got herself an appointment.

Yes, sir. Miss Fortescue. Good afternoon, Miss Fortescue.

Have a seat.

Oh, just what I've always wanted. A seat on the stock exchange.

Mrs. Woodescue, I'm afraid a seat on the exchange would cost you over $50,000. Oh?

Well, I like nice things. If I redo my townhouse, I'll have to order a few.

What a charming sense of humor.

Now, just what can I do for you, Miss Fortescue?

Well, just the other day, I was cruising on my yacht, and... Oh?

You have a yacht?

Of course.

Doesn't everybody?

Anyway, I was cruising on my yacht,

and I got to thinking of all the money I have just lying around doing nothing.

Oh, that's bad.

Money doing nothing.

Isn't it? If there's anything I hate, it's lazy money. Anyway,

I thought it might be nice if I bought some stocks.

What kind of stocks did you have in mind? Preferred or common?

Common?

I beg your pardon?

Well, that's common stock.

It might be all right for the poor people.

There you go again.

Well, I tell you, the first thing I'll do is to draw up

a list of some of the better stocks to choose from.

I'm going to give you my personal attention.

Well, that's very sweet of you,

but I've heard so much of your Miss McCall that I'd like her to handle my account.

Miss McCall? Well, why do you want Miss McCall to handle it, do you, Noah?

Oh, no, no, no.

But some of my friends do.

And Miss McCall has given them some excellent advice on the stock market.

She has?

Oh, yes.

And I simply must meet her. Is she about?

Well, right now, she's out on her sabbatical.

Oh, is that what she's out on?

I have no fear.

I'll see that she's back the first thing in the morning.

Good, good.

In the meantime, perhaps you'd like to place an order with me. You know,

we're expecting a rise on the market.

Well, I did glance through the financial pages this morning,

and there was one stock that caught my fancy.

Ah, steel, telephone?

No, oil. The Bingo Oil Company.

Bingo Oil.

What?

Oh, I get it. It's one of your jokes.

Oh, no, I really want to buy some.

But the stock's only a dollar a share.

And it's not a very reliable company.

What made you pick that one?

Oh, well, I always was very lucky at bingo.

Well, I guess that's as good a reason as any.

About how much would you like to invest?

Oh, about four hundred.

A thousand? Oh, no, I just want to dabble today.

Four hundred dollars?

Oh, yes, it's all I have with me.

It's my mad money. You see, I never get very angry.

But you can make out a check.

Oh, I don't want to really plunge until I've consulted with Miss McCall.

Well, anything you say, I'll give you a receipt.

Then, we'll be seeing you again soon, Miss Fortescue.

Oh, yes, I'll be in to see Miss McCall, and then the sky's the limit.

She will be here, won't she?

Oh, definitely. She's like my right arm.

It's been a pleasure, Miss Fortescue.

Charles?

I'm sure we're going to have a long and profitable relationship.

Bingo.

That's the whole thing in a nutshell, Miss McCall. You're gone one day,

and we find we just can't get along without you.

I want to apologize, and ask you to come back.

Well, I don't know what to say, Mr. Cameron.

Of course, there'll be a raise in it for you.

Now I know what to say.

Brother, guess what?

Mr. Cameron's giving me my job back, and it's a big raise.

Oh, wonderful. A moderate raise.

Well, let's celebrate. Lemonade for everybody.

Hi, kids.

Have I got news for you.

Well, I have a bit of news myself.

Local, what are you dressed up for? That's my news.

I borrowed this get-up and I went down to your office posed as a rich society woman.

What?

And I told your boss, Mr. Cameron,

that I might buy a lot of stock if you handle the account. And you know what?

The big knucklehead fell for it. Coco. Who's that?

The big knucklehead. Miss McCall, who is this?

Lawful Jones.

She's my roommate, but honestly... Your room?

Love all the shoddy tricks.

Miss McCall, you can forget about that raise, and you can forget about the job.

You're fired. You're through.

And this time for good.

Oh, but Mr. Cameron, you said Mike was your right arm.

Just call me lefty.

Local, how could you?

I've had it.

Local, you've done some pretty screwy things in your

day, but believe me, this time you hit bingo.

Greta, will you please ask her to pass the sugar?

Loco, will you please pass the sugar?

Here you are.

Tell her thank you.

She says thank you, Loco.

Tell her you're welcome.

She says you're...

Oh, come on. You're beginning to feel like an interpreter for the U.N.

After two days of this, I'm ready to go out of my mind.

Gee, I'm sorry, Greta.

If you'll just tell Mike... I think I'll go out and walk against the traffic.

Look, Mike, we're not going to get anywhere by...

I'll answer it.

Hello? Oh, hello, Mr. Blandish.

But, but, Mr. Blandish.

Mr. Blandish?

Now what, dear Mr. Blandish?

He says unless we pay the three months' rent we owe by the end of the week,

there'll be another tenant occupying this apartment.

He can't do that!

And why not?

Why, it's crowded enough in that bedroom with the three of us.

He means he'll have us evicted.

And I don't think we can stall him any longer.

Well, this is an emergency. I guess it's time to hock our community mink again.

Yeah, our mink should still be worth $500. What? Uh-oh.

Loco, are you trying to tell us something?

We still have our stole, don't we?

I already hocked it.

We need the money for the rent.

How much did you get for the stole? 400 shares of bingo oil. Bingo oil? But why?

When?

The she-wolf of Wall Street.

I thought if I bought some stock, it might help you get your job back.

And Jesse gave me a hot tip on it.

Jesse? The elevator boy? That bubble brain?

Where do you get off thinking you can take our money and throw it away like that?

Wait a minute. What's so terrible? Can't we sell the stock? To whom?

The head of Bingo Oil is the same man who last

year was selling stock in an avocado mine.

Loco, how could you get mixed up in an oil stock?

Well, I didn't know about the avocados.

It does sound like a better idea.

The last time I looked, bingo oil was $3.

Oh, then I got a bargain. I only paid a dollar a share. How much is it?

Five sixteenths.

Wonderful!

5.16, then we're ahead over $4 a share. Well, that's even better than avocados.

Now we can pay the rent and... Miss Univac, 5.16 is 5.16 of $1.

31 cents. We're practically wiped out.

Well, sidewalk, here we come. Loco, you've done it again.

The last time, as far as I'm concerned.

Well, what do you mean? I think this is a perfect

time for the three of us to break up.

Oh, no, not again.

This time it's for keeps.

But this is the fourth time this month we've broken up for keeps. Well,

this time it's permanently for keeps.

It just hasn't worked out.

We got together to find a millionaire, and what

do we end up with? 400 shares of bingo oil.

But we can't break up. We're like sisters.

Just think of all the good times we've had, all the fun. Fun?

No job, no savings, no apartment?

I could have had more fun if I'd broken my leg.

Oh, my dear, are you all right? Here, sit down, let me help you. Remember,

I got B-plus and splits at the Red Cross.

Marco, just leave me alone.

Packing.

Mike?

Greta? Oh, but we're supposed to be all for one and one for all. Mike?

Oh, thank you.

Greta?

Oh, thanks.

What are we going to do with this moose head that lumberman sent us?

I sure don't want it.

Neither do I. I'll take it.

Every time I look at him, I'll think of you two girls.

Thanks.

Oh, I didn't mean that.

I always say the wrong thing.

I don't blame you for wanting to break up.

Oh, it isn't all your fault, Loco.

This plan of ours just wasn't working out anyway.

Whose mink hot water bottle is this?

Mine.

Remember that oil man who gave it to me as a Valentine's gift?

It's great. It makes your feet feel warm and rich at the same time. Rich feet.

It's amazing all the stuff you can accumulate.

Oh, Mike, look who's here.

Mr. Peabody.

Now, there was a big sport.

The richest man in Africa, and what did he give us for Christmas?

Diamonds?

Ivory? No, a shrunken head.

I still say that wouldn't have happened if he'd had it dry clean.

Here, loco, you take it.

Oh, no, I've got the moose head. Here, Mike, you take it.

Thanks.

I'll wear him on my charm bracelet. Maybe he'll help me get a seat on the subway.

Oh, remember this picture? The three of us on the Maharaja's yacht.

Oh, what a ball we had on that cruise.

And remember, Loco, you got seasick right at the start. Yes,

it was even worse after we left the dock.

We sure had some great times together.

Yes, I'm going to miss them.

I'm going to miss you girls, too.

I guess I will, too.

But believe me, kids, there's no other way, honest.

It's probably the landlord's farewell committee.

No doubt he's got our new apartment ready for us with wall-to-wall sidewalks.

This is all my fault.

None of this would have happened if I had a head on my shoulders.

What am I complaining about? It didn't do you much good.

If they think they're going to get us out of here before Saturday,

they've got another thing.

Mr. Cameron.

My dear Miss McCall.

What?

Won't you come in? Yes, come in. May I take your hat?

Please sit down.

Mr. McCall? Mr. McCall, at the risk of being a bore,

I am here to offer you your job back again.

And this time, I mean it.

I don't know, Mr. Cameron. I've had some wonderful offers since I left you.

Is that the landlord here to throw us out?

It's Mr. Cameron here to offer Mike her job back.

So beat it before you mess things up again.

Oh, hello there, Miss Jones.

Or should I say Miss Fortescue.

Mr. Knucklehead, I mean... No, no, no, wait a minute.

The girl's right.

And when someone's right, I'm the first one to admit it.

I have been a knucklehead.

See?

And it's all set. You go back to work tomorrow morning at a raise.

Oh, Mike, I'm so happy for you.

And Miss Jones.

Do I have some good news for you?

What happened? Did bingo strike oil?

Oh, heavens no.

Avocados?

No, but you're getting warm.

You struck money.

Your bingo stock went up to a dollar again.

Ann, if you'll come into the office when Miss McCall

reports for work in the morning,

you'll receive your money, plus a check for $1,000.

Why? What happened, Mr. Cameron?

You know Mr. Kennedy's stock order that Miss Jones

took on the phone and got all wrong?

Well, it turned out that Mr. Kennedy was wrong and Miss Jones was right.

The stock went up and he made a killing. Do you follow me, Miss Jones?

Uh, no.

I'm still back at the thousand dollars.

That's a little token of appreciation for Mr. Kennedy.

You're well on your way to your first yacht.

Then I'll see you tomorrow morning at nine, Miss McCall, right?

Right.

And Miss Jones, when you come to the office tomorrow and the phone rings,

any phone, please answer it.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Miss McCall. Right.

Well, with your luck, maybe I should wear it.

Oh, that's right. Well, bye-bye now.

Good night, Mr. Fairwood. Bye.

Oh, loco, you just made yourself a thousand dollars. What do you mean, me? We.

The money's all going for the rent.

And now that you've got your job back, Mike, there's no reason for us to break up.

Unless you'd be happy you're away from me.

What?

And miss out on all this fun?

As soon as I get the check, I'm going to pay the rent.

And then we'll be in the clear.

Except for the electric bill.

And so, Miss Jones, I am happy to present you with this check for $1,000.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Cameron.

And feel free to drop in any time.

Now, if you'll excuse us, I have to bring Miss McCall up to date.

Oh, what lovely numbers.

Does it really say a thousand? Mm-hmm. I could use a little more light.

I'll give you another $1,000 if you'll just get out of here! This is my lucky day!