Original subtitles

The Swiss Alps, playground of the money.

Of course, you too can spend a few months here.

All you have to do is win a sweepstakes, strike uranium, or fall heir to a fortune.

I wouldn't mind falling heir to a fortune, but mourning clothes are so unbecoming.

That's real tough, lady. But what can you do?

You can marry it.

Do we have to use this? I thought did did everything.

Did didn't.

Redoes it does it. Of course, if we could invent a spotless spaghetti sauce,

we wouldn't have half as much cleaning. Why do we eat spaghetti?

Because it's cheap, dear. And if things don't start picking up,

we may soon find ourselves eating rye burgers. What's a rye burger?

Well, you take two slices of rye bread... Yes?

...and that's it.

Girl!

Have I got news. Well, what is it? You look like you struck oil. Hey,

get that clothes basket down.

Do you want to advertise we can't afford to send our cleaning out? Oh, Greta,

it can't be seen except from the terrace apartment, and that's vacant.

That's my news.

It's occupied right under our feet.

A multimillionaire.

Is he married, Greta?

Would I be telling you about him if he were? You've got to meet him.

I'll yell down and bite him up.

You've got to be subtle. Well, then I'll yell softly. Don't yell at all.

What we need is a plan.

A good, clever, sneaky plan.

If you don't mind a little complaint, I'll have him up here in a minute.

I know I shouldn't ask, but how?

Watch.

Well, that takes care of everything, except the deal on Bluebeard.

You know, he has a terrific potential as a moneymaker, Jim.

Are you sure you want to sell him?

Quite sure.

I've lost my enthusiasm for raising.

Yes, you've lost your enthusiasm for practically everything, but I...

I can't say I blame you, but... Well, it's...

It's over a year since Alice passed away.

You've got to get out and enjoy yourself a bit.

I'll never forgive myself for being in Europe when it happened.

She's known for months that there was no hope for her.

She wanted you away when it happened.

One of the last things she said to me was, don't let Jim be lonely.

See that you introduce him to some interesting girls. That sounds like Alice.

I've seen some interesting girls, but how do I go about meeting them?

Just step outside anywhere and say, I am a widower with seven million dollars.

The results will amaze you. Thank you, Beatrice Fairfax.

Goodbye, Jim. Bye.

I just picked up the drama section. He's my type.

He's got the financial section. He's for me. He takes the comics. He's mine.

All mine.

So cool. He just picked up the comic section. He is mine!

Hey, what in the world?

Scratch one millionaire. This is terrible.

Yeah. Now we'll have to do our cleaning all over again.

Local, why can't you be more careful?

Oh, I don't see what's so bad about it.

When we pick up our things, we'll get to meet him.

Please.

Now that he knows how hard-pressed we are,

he's sure to think we're interested in his money. Aren't we?

Loco, what Greta means is that we shouldn't appear to be interested in his money.

Men who have it always think that girls who haven't are after it. And we're not?

Loco, what Mike means, I mean, is... Oh, never mind.

Well, I guess we better cut cards to see who'll go down for our things.

Two ladies.

Probably sent them up with a nasty note.

Good morning.

I'm James Austin.

Could I interest you in some dresses that didn't look very well on me?

Please come in. We're awfully sorry.

Well, I'm delighted.

I've noticed you girls, and I've been wondering how to meet you.

You have?

I mean, now that you have, I'll introduce us.

Oh, you don't have to.

You're Greta. You're in TV, and you're a model. I believe you're called Loco.

Well, that leaves Mike, who works in Wall Street.

Well, how did you know?

I'm psychic.

Besides, I paid the elevator boy a small fee.

We get our information for nothing. Local, why

don't you make Mr. Austin a cup of coffee?

We'd offer you breakfast, but we didn't have time to market yesterday.

That's why we clean our own clothes, too. We never

have enough time. That is why. Coffee, loco?

Coming up. I'll just hang these.

Oh, please sit down.

Thank you. Well, I must say, you have a lovely apartment.

And you decorated it beautifully.

Oh, but we didn't decorate it.

Oh, but you do decorate it.

Why, thank you.

I'm leading up to something.

You were kind enough to offer me coffee.

Couldn't I take you out for brunch?

Well, girls aren't supposed to go out with a man the first time he asks them.

Ask again?

Consider it done. I'll be back for you in half an hour.

Then I'm sorry about the dresses.

Oh, I'm not. I'm glad.

Oh, Mike, you've got a date with a millionaire. He must be the financial page type.

You're the one he picked. He didn't go for the comics at all.

Oh, girls, wait a minute.

What am I going to wear?

How about my new silk suit? Oh, love, you're wonderful. Well, you know the pact.

All for one and one for all, so help us Fort Knox.

I can't stand it when you're both as hungry as I am.

Well, just remember everything you eat and tell us about it.

Maybe you could slip an egg or something into your bag.

That's my bag, and I'd rather starve.

What if I found out where we were going and you two just happened by?

Then he'd have to... No, he picked you, and you have a clear field.

After you marry him, it's different.

Oh, I'll get it.

Hello? Oh, hello, Mr. Austin.

Are we ready?

Why, no.

Oh, we thought... That is, we didn't think... Oh, sure.

Sure, we'll be ready.

Goodbye.

We thought we were all going with him. You mean we get to eat, too?

He's coming right up. Well, that's all right.

I'll entertain him while you're getting ready. Hurry. Oh,

I'm going to need this bag. Sorry.

That's all right. Oh, and the shoes, too, of course. You know,

pointed toes for pointed heads.

You don't mind if I wear my suit, do you?

Your face will go better with that hat anyway.

And I'll need the hat. It's the only thing that goes with the shoes.

The gloves are mine.

The slip isn't, and it's the only one that goes with the suit.

That's him. Okay, you entertain him while we dress.

What a day.

That lovely lunch, a ride through the park in a handsome cab, cocktails,

dinner at Chateau Madrid.

He knows everybody. All the head waiters shook hands with him. Naturally,

everyone that did got a $10 bill. You know, he's quite a guy.

Good looking, wealthy.

Witty, rich, charming, and a real blue beard.

Blue blood.

No, blue beard.

Blue beard? Well, that's what the woman at the next table said.

She said that Jim Austin was a blue beard? She certainly used that word.

And I can't understand it. He was perfectly clean-shaven.

Loco, a bluebeard is a man who kills his wives.

Are you saying that Jim kills his?

Honey, we didn't say it. You did.

No, I didn't. The woman at the next table did.

She nudged the man she was with and pointed at Jim.

You must have misunderstood something.

That's chronic.

I guess so.

Wait a minute.

He did mention something about his wife dying and leaving him a lot of money.

Greta, one wife dying doesn't make him a bluebeard.

No, it makes him a widower. Anyway,

I'd like to see one of those guys try to do away with me for my money.

I'd outlive him if it killed me. Let me see, uh...

Yeah, I photographed Mrs. Austin once for Vogue or Harper's Bazaar,

one of the magazines. Was she rich?

She was rolling in the stuff.

Him, too.

How'd he get his?

Cheesy. A guy like Austin can get away with murder.

All he has to do is make one killing a year.

Of course, he doesn't need the money anymore. Now he just does it for kicks.

Really? Just for kicks?

Has Mike gone out with him yet?

I guess they're in the middle of dinner by now. Dinner? Oh, no.

Since when are you allergic to food? We've got to phone her.

Where did they go? To Chateau Madrid.

Quick, find my glasses for me. I can't see them without them.

I withdraw the question.

We were wrong about him killing for money. He does it just for kicks.

Oh, sure. And the police just laughed off.

Well, they say those rich guys do get away

with murder. Anyway, I'm taking no chances.

You know, Mike, this is more fun than I've had in a long time.

I'm glad. I'm so hungry, I could eat two steaks.

It's delicious.

For you, Miss McCall.

Hello.

Oh, Mike, you're still alive.

Well, I like to think of myself that way.

Mike, he's a menacidal homiac. I mean, you know, a bluebird.

Look, I'm hungry, and...

Heaven's sake, don't eat anything. It may be poisoned.

And come home as fast as possible.

This could be a matter of life and death. Yours.

Loco, will you please... Loco?

Oh, wait a minute.

Uh, yes, Mr. Austin. The lady's finished with the phone.

Is something wrong?

No, Loco's just got her head screwed on backwards.

Mike, I want you to try this.

This sauce is my own special recipe.

Lately, though, the doctor's taken it off my diet.

Special sauce?

And you're not having any?

No, I can't. But I'm sure you'll like it.

Alice, the late Mrs. Austen, was very fond of it.

Too fond of it.

Too fond?

Thanks, but I think I'm full. Just one bite?

Well, I have to think of my figure.

Oh, nonsense.

You eat the steak, and I'll think of your figure.

Oh, no, really, I... I don't care about the steak, but my sauce is really the end.

That's what I'm afraid of.

Loco, this bluebeard nonsense is fantastic.

You should be ashamed of yourself spoiling Mike's evening that way.

You're a real killjoy. Killjoy? Me?

He's the one who gets the joy out of killing.

Delicious.

Please don't talk about it.

Not while I'm not eating. For you again.

Oh.

Hello?

Mike, this won't come as news, but Loco's little wheels aren't meshing.

You're not gonna be poisoned, so just enjoy yourself and forget the whole thing.

I'll forget a certain blonde I know, too.

Miss? No. Isn't it funny?

I've worked up an appetite all over again.

Oh, Mike, you're safe. Well, certainly I'm safe.

And he likes me, and I had a wonderful time, and I'm thinking of poisoning you.

I'll help you hide the body.

I'm going to get into my pajamas.

That is, if you think it's safe for me to go

into the bedroom without a police escort. That's the thanks I get.

I was only trying to save her life.

Well, somebody will have to save yours unless you stop this Bluebeard nonsense.

Well, if you think it's such nonsense, maybe the police won't.

Okay, honey.

If you're that worried about it, I'll check into it tomorrow. Well,

that's different. You'll see. My hunches may

not always be right, but they're never wrong.

Well, every newspaper has a morgue file, doesn't it?

I just want to know if I may browse through yours.

Oh, fine, fine. Thank you very much. Goodbye.

Surely you're not the one who makes up the questions for us contestants.

Oh, no, no.

It was just a personal matter about Mrs. James Austen. Which one?

There were two Mrs. James Austens?

Three!

Mike!

Mike! She's having cocktails in Mr. Austin's apartment. Well,

we've got to tell her it's all true.

Blue blood or beard? Beard.

Hello, get me Mr. Austin's apartment, please.

Busy? Well, keep ringing.

Oh, never mind. He probably has the receiver off the hook.

We better get down there and warn her.

Wait, I'm coming with you. There may be a reward.

Wait, it's practically the same as our apartment.

Oh, I guess they're all pretty much alike.

Well, I'll get the martinis. Why don't you just sit down,

make yourself comfortable, hm? All right. Oh, uh, do you mind getting that?

Oh, thank heaven you're not dead. Where is he? He's in the kitchen.

What are you two talking about?

I checked. His beard is blue.

Nonsense. That's probably what his wife said. All three of them.

Oh, will you kids please grab?

Nothing doing. If you won't go, we're staying.

Who is it, Mike?

Wrong apartment! No!

We're staying to see that nothing happens to you.

Come on, local, we can watch from the terrace.

How do you want your martini?

Slowly.

Name your poison.

Poison?

Oh, sugar. Is it too drafty? No wonder.

Oh, God. Sorry.

That's funny.

I can't resist olives.

I'll make them good and dry, okay?

Fine.

What a beautiful handbag.

You have excellent taste.

Thank you.

I'll, uh, get the martinis.

Oh, no, really, I... It's no trouble at all.

I make a wonderful martini. Why?

Yes? Was I eating an olive when I came out a moment ago?

Oh, no, you've got the wrong bag.

Here they come, ready or not.

Oh, I need one.

Mike, is that your handbag?

Certainly.

Maybe I better identify myself.

No, no, just pour the martinis. I'm not sure I can.

Oh, thank you.

I forgot the order.

Matter of fact, I seem to be forgetting everything. Well,

I guess I've been alone too long.

Get out before I start using them. No, you'll have to kill all of us.

Here we are.

I think you'll like these. They were Alice's great favorite. Oh, speaking of Alice.

I want to show you pictures of the two most important women in my life.

This is Alice, pretty wonderful woman.

Oh, she's lovely.

This is Gene, and this is my mother, real thoroughbred.

Oh, Jim.

I don't understand how this got in my dresser.

It's Bluebeard, a racehorse I owned.

Bluebeard?

A horse?

Well, it's certainly not my mother.

Oh, no.

May I have another martini, please?

Oh.

Well, I can't explain about these either.

Unless... when a man gets to be a certain age... Well,

I'll just put these back in the bedroom.

Those knives are really quite lovely.

Oh, yes, they're very nice, but I've got one you really must see.

My friends are under the impression I need protection.

They've been getting their empty heads filled with

a lot of ridiculous ideas about your wives.

My wives?

Well, you're inheriting their money and things.

I'm afraid you have me mixed up with my father, James Austin Senior.

He had three wives.

I had only one, Alice, from whom I did inherit money,

but it was money that I'd given her.

Then you're not a murderer?

Oh, I'm afraid not.

Isn't that nice? Mr. Austin, we're really terribly sorry about all this.

Well, I'm glad because I've found out that I'm a little too old and a little

too nervous to be good company for girls with such vivid imaginations.

And I don't think I'll find anyone quite like Alice.

Now, may I fix you all a farewell martini?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Make mine eight to one.

Eight parts arsenic.

Well, back to the old Reduzit.

You know, it seems like this is where I came in.

Mike, you know we're sorry.

Oh, I know.

After all, he looked just like the kind of

man who's always the murderer in pictures.

You know, so nice and polite, and then suddenly... He's there.

I've got an idea.

Oh, Ashley, maybe we can make a fresh start. Let's see what happens.