All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E21 - The Cruise

Tony Island, fabulous capital
of the world of fun and frolic,

with its merry
merry-go-round where some lucky person

will grab the brass
ring and get a free ride.

For a real free ride, you
better make that a gold ring.

Gold ring?

Better known as a wedding ring.

You know, in a way, I'm looking
forward to my cousin Bob's visit.

Since he went with the State
Department, I don't get to see him very often.

What a character.

He wouldn't give you the right time
unless he cleared it with the FBI.

When is he coming?

Well, he said he'd be here at 3.

What time is it?

If that's Cousin Bob, the correct
time is 3 o'clock exactly. Uh-huh.

Hello, Greta.

Hi, girls.

Hi, Bob.

Did you say 3 o'clock?

Oh, 5 after.

Sorry, we had rather a rough trip.

Oh, did you fly?

I'm afraid I can't say.

Oh.

Well, we're glad to see you anyway.

What brought you into town?

Oh, the department sent me
here on a certain mission.

To see a certain party.

About a certain high-up matter.

Confidential.

Well, certainly I mind. I just love
secrets. Sit down, loco. Come on, Bob.

What's it all about?

Well, uh, can you keep a secret?

I don't know. I never tried.

I'll tell you the truth.

But it mustn't leave these four walls.

It's Prince Khadib.

You mean that Middle East... Shh!

Pickwick?

What about him?

Well, he arrived in New York today, and
I've asked His Highness to meet me here.

Here?

Are you kidding?

Well, I thought after that long trip,

he probably would want to
dodge the reporters for a while.

Oh, this should put me in solid with him.

Yes, it ought to at least earn you
another stripe in your gray flannel trousers.

Gee, Bob, I wish you'd
said something about it.

We hardly have a thing
to eat in the house.

Oh, we'll manage.

Prince Khadim.

They say he's the
second richest man in the

Middle East. Yeah, the
first is his father.

I bet he rides around on a
different elephant every day of the week.

And a little sports elephant on Sunday.

Oh, it must be awful to be a celebrity,

and to be mobbed by reporters
every time you walk down the street.

It's him.

Oh, I can't meet him in this.

I'll just be a minute. Give a look.

Oh, I'll get it.

Protocol, you know.
Welcome, Prince Caudine.

Nice to see you again, Mr. Ostendheim.

Oh, hello there, moolish.

Prince, I'd like you to
meet some friends of mine.

Your Highness, may I present Miss Jones.

Charmed, Your Majesty.

And this is Miss McCall.

How do you do?

A most unexpected pleasure.

And in such charming surroundings.

Uh, where are the reporters?

Reporters?

Well, you see, I... That
is, I thought you didn't

care to see the reporters, Your Highness.

That's why I asked you to meet me up here.

I see.

Hold on.

Shara Karim Fortana Karish, Stanton.

Oh, I'll try to make it
up to you, your highness.

Mm, well, you already have by
introducing me such lovely ladies.

Oh, thank you, your majesty.

Would you care for
some taffy, your majesty?

Delighted.

Oh, pundar is the royal
family's official taster.

This has been part of our
culture for thousands of years.

I never eat anything
unless pundar tastes first.

Isn't that a little unsanitary?

Marlene!

Maureen, what does that mean?

Toothache.

What did you say?

I guess the closest
American translation would be,

that's the way the cookie crumbles.

I find American language very picturesque.

In fact, I like everything American.

Especially that.

Oh.

Your Highness, this is
my cousin, Greta Hansen.

How do you do?

If I may be so forward, I
would like to say that you

are one of the prettiest
girls I have ever seen.

Well, thank you, Your Highness.

We'd like to offer you some refreshments,
but, well, this is all rather unexpected,

and we didn't have time...
Do not worry about food.

Man does not live by bread alone.

Good. We don't have any of that either.

We shall have a feast at the consulate.

All of us.

Well, that's very kind, but I don't wish
to impose upon your highness. Splendid.

That leaves the girls and me.

Oh, maybe I'd better attend too.

Then it is settled.

At the consulate, tonight at eight.

We're moving in diplomatic circles.

The consulate at eight.

Dinner with a real prince.

I haven't been so thrilled
since the coronation. On TV.

Loco had a special invitation to tune in.

Oh, what'll we wear?

When being feted by royalty,
formal dress is mandatory.

And while we're about it, now would be a
good time for me to brief you on protocol.

Protocol? What's that?

Well, it's the customs and
regulations dealing with the ceremonies and

etiquette of the diplomatic corps
and others at a court or capital.

For example, what to do
and not to do while dining,

what to say and what
not to say, and so on.

You mean all the things you have to
do to keep from enjoying yourself.

Here is your itinerary.

At 8 sharp, your taxi
will deposit you at the

steps of the
consulate. Now, remember this.

The moment you pass through those
doors, you'll be on foreign soil in Jampol.

Doesn't seem possible.

Only a cab ride from here to Jampol.

Sure, sweetie, that's why
they call it the Near East.

Now, bear in mind that
any breach of decorum could

very well result in
international repercussions.

So, when in Rome, do as the Romans do.

You know, all my life I've been trying
to find out exactly what the Romans do.

Well, for one thing,
they don't make bad jokes.

Now to get to the point. Of course,
you'll curtsy the moment you see His Highness.

And incidentally, he must
always be addressed thusly.

Well, and this is very important.

It is an unpardonable sin ever,
ever to turn your back on royalty.

Well, doesn't that make it a
little awkward when we have to leave?

You simply back away like this, you see?

Oh, but without my glasses, I have enough
trouble seeing when I'm walking forward.

Honey, just put your glasses
on the back of your head. Bob,

is all this really necessary?

All you have to do is
remember one very simple rule.

Just do whatever Prince Claudine does,
but don't do it until after he does.

When he rises...

You rise.

When he sits, you sit.

When he eats, you eat.

And that's protocol.

Precisely.

When I was a kid, we called it follow
the leader. Welcome. Come in, come in.

I can't. He's supposed to
curtsy first. Our native

drink, one part goat's
milk, 99 parts alcohol.

I pass.

Me too.

I always get heartburn from goat's milk.
You really don't drink, Your Highness.

In that case, shall we dine?

Miss Jones, do you always walk like that?

Oh, no. Only when I'm walking backwards.

I am so happy you share my food so that
I may enjoy your most charming company.

Thank you, your highness.

Now, let us eat.

I hope you will like the dinner.

Oh, I'm sure we will, Your Highness.

I would like you to
share many meals with me.

Your Highness is very kind.

It is very rare to meet someone
with whom one can feel so relaxed.

It whets the appetite.

I'm working up an appetite just
lifting my fork. It's getting pretty silly.

Silly? I don't think I understand.

You know, that protocol
about not eating until you do.

Oh, that.

That custom went out years ago.

What nincompoop told you such nonsense?

He did.

Book all fools, Sire.

Then you'd better get
a new one, king size.

I got here as fast as I could, Your
Highness. What did you want to see me about?

Relax, my friend.

I merely wanted to give you this.

I have changed my mind about you.

Why, it's the most
beautiful dagger I've ever seen.

Not at all lovely enough
to convey my gratitude for

your having introduced
me to your cousin Greta.

She has made these last two
weeks the happiest of my life.

Well, that's what cousins
are for, Your Highness.

She will make a wonderful wife.

And indeed, Ponder is at this
moment proposing marriage to her.

And I hope she will answer yes.

Pundar?

And Greta?

Of course not she and Pundar.

You do not expect me to
propose, do you? Oh, no.

Not unless you want to get married.

I am a prince, and a prince must
not be in a position to be rejected.

That's why, even now, Pandar, in my
behalf, is offering Greta the Ring of Gobi,

which is the marriage
token of our royal family.

You?

Anne and Greta?

Welcome to the family, Cousin Claudine.

I don't care what you say.

It's just the prettiest ring I've ever
seen. If you wear this ring on finger,

much happy make my prince.

It much happy make me, too.

I go now. I got to tell my
prince how you say, mission

accomplished. Oh, well,
thanks again, Pundar.

Moolish.

I mean, goodbye.

Three o'clock in front of
the Brookman building with

my blue bathing suit. Yes,
sir, I'll be there. Bye.

Newsflash. Prince Kodim of Jampol has
selected for his bride Miss Greta Hansen,

hostess on the Go for Broke show.

Congratulations to you,
Prince, and to you, Princess Greta.

And in the Middle West, it was
announced today... Oh, local.

What'd he say?

Well, aren't you the sly one?

When are you going to invite us to
your new home for a tiger shoot?

I can just see the three of you
tete-a-tete in the palace. You, Khadim, and Pundar.

Oh, my gosh, Pundar.

I bet that was what he was trying
to tell me when he gave me the ring.

I better stop this thing before it gets
out of hand. What are you talking about?

He proposed, you accepted. And most
important of all, he's a millionaire.

But I didn't know he was proposing.
And I didn't know I was accepting.

Boy, I should be that dumb.

This is all so sudden.

A girl just has to have time to
think about such things. Greta,

that's all you've been thinking
about for years. Why the sudden change?

Well, Jam Pole is way over
there, and I'm way over here.

And it didn't mean being
separated from my family and friends.

Well, we'll come and visit you.
We'll be your ladies-in-waiting.

If he were waiting for me, I'd be ready.

I don't know.

Getting used to a
strange country, new customs.

I've just got to have more time to
think about it. Well, don't think too long,

honey, or you're liable to think your
way right back to the isolation booth.

Hello?

I'd like to speak to
Prince Cardine, please.

What?

Well, it's very important.

Oh, I see. Well, what is it, honey?
What's wrong? He can't be disturbed.

They're preparing him for his wedding.

I guess it's really happening.

What can I get you for a wedding present?

What would you like more than
anything else in the world?

An aspirin.

I'll get it.

Oh, congratulations, dear cousin. Oh,
this will surely mean a promotion for me.

Before you spend that extra
money on a new portfolio, hear this.

The bride-to-be is asking
for a stay of execution.

Oh, why?

What?

What might mean, in her subtle way,
is that I want time to think about it.

Oh, well, you just can't
do this at a time when

relations are ticklish all over the world,

and this country has no
desire to insult Jean-Paul.

Oh, what now?

Maybe some spies were listening,
and Jampol has already declared war.

You were very funny.

Thank you. Oh, look at all
the telegrams for Greta.

Well, I told you, this is
a very important occasion.

It's from the French government.

Viva la Prince.

Viva la Princess.

Viva la France.

Here's one from England.

Good show.

This will get me an ambassadorship.

Listen to this.

It's from your native
country, Jampol. Isn't this sweet?

May your life be 110, and may
each year bring you a mazlik.

110 Moslechs?

Well, if Moslech means
what I think it does,

I'd like to have the
diaper concession in Jampol.

Hello?

Yes, this is Greta Hansen.

From where?

For me, from there?

Who?

What is it, Greta?

It's the White House.

Yes, this is she. Her. I. Me.

I merely wanted to wish you
every personal happiness,

and I hope the first Moslech is a boy.

Thank you, sir.

That's very nice, sir.

Yes, sir.

Goodbye. What did he say?

Sir?

Greta, what did he say? I've unplugged
the clogged-up oil lines of the world.

Well, Cousin Greta, you finally made it.

Yes, sirree, you're a VIP now.

Now, just a minute.

I haven't said I'd marry him yet.

Oh, now, honey, you know
we won't let you rattle

around that big palace all by yourself.

We'll come over every summer on the boat.

Well, it's silly to spend
money on a boat when the

prince can send his
private plane to call for you.

Now, just one minute.

I don't want any favors from anybody.
I'll send my own plane to call for my friend.

What am I saying?

You know what you're saying, and you're
right. That's why we took this penthouse,

so we could marry millionaires.

If I wanted to marry a
Jampolian millionaire,

I would have rented a
penthouse in Jampol. Oh, I don't know.

Why marry a domestic millionaire
when you can get the imported kind?

Well, Cousin Greta, on behalf
of the entire State Department,

I want to wish you every
happiness in the world.

That's unofficial, of course.

Well, it looks like I
can't get out of this.

Greta, who's the best friend you ever had?

Come on and tell me,
who's your best friend?

Well, you are, Mike.
You bet. Look at this.

Hey, Mike, you found it.

Wait a minute.

I didn't lose it.

No, but I did you a bigger favor.

Greta, I realized that we shouldn't
have talked you into this marriage.

Never mind that. What are you doing with
the Ring of Gobi? Well, what do you think?

I'm going to marry Prince Khadim.

What?

You?

Well, how come?

Honey, Pundar told me that
the only way I could make

you really happy was if I
would marry the prince.

But I just talked to him half an
hour ago and everything was fine.

Well, I guess princes break
engagements the way they make them.

Well, I suppose Pundar is on his way over.

Mike, how could you do this to me?

Do?

I figured you didn't want the prince.

He's such a cute guy, I thought it
was a shame to let him go to waste.

Guess what, girls?

Guess what?

All right, what?

Look.

The ring of Gobi.

I wonder what's taking
His Highness so long.

You know, I can't wait to tell him off.

Do we have to give all
these lovely things back?

Yes, Loco.

Well, where's the ribbon for this one?

Just one minute.

Well, I'm just wrapping it. There he is.

Come in.

Well, hello.

This is most nice seeing
all you girls together.

You came over without your second.

I was delighted when you called.

Was there anything special
you wanted to see me about?

We all have presents for you.

You all got me presents?

Yes, and they're all exactly alike.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

I can tell that you are all angry.

Why?

Why? Why?

What made you think you could propose to
three girls? We have laws in this country.

Greta, I did this all for you.

For me?

You told me you felt strange about leaving

your friends and
coming into a new country.

So I thought I would make
you happy and marry them, too.

What?

It's all right.

In my country, man can have several wives.

Well, in this country,
even one can be too many.

I can't see why you are so angry.

My other wives don't object.

My father had 28.

But I am more modern-minded.

I only have 10.

Goodie for you.

But Prince, you have
your ways, we have ours.

We'll be seeing you, and
don't call us, we'll call you.

Reversed charges.

Oh, well, that's the
way the colleague poses.

Imagine him wanting 13 wives.

It's a good thing we
found him out in time.

I'll say. 13 is a very unlucky number.

Now, as soon as I straighten Cousin Bob
out, this whole episode will be over.

It'll be a little ticklish, but, well...

Don't bother phoning. He's here.

Greta, Greta, this is
terrible. A national emergency.

I'm sorry, Bob. It was the only thing she
could do. Let me get you a glass of water.

Never mind the water. Greta,
Greta, you've got to listen to me.

Cardine's been deposed in a
new government's inn. Why,

it'd be the worst possible
diplomacy if you married him now.

Well, anything for the good old USA.