Original subtitles

Ah, heavenly Hawaii.

You too can bask in its glittering sunshine, splash in its sky-blue surf.

At a secretary's salary?

Well, there must be ways that a bright,

pretty girl can get her hands on the necessary, um, loot?

Not ways, mister. Ways.

Marry it.

Greta, I'm exhausted.

So am I. We never should have gone to the movies

tonight with all this housework to be done.

I know.

Say, why don't we get up in the morning and finish it then?

No, it's too discouraging in the morning.

You can see the dirt better.

What's Loco doing?

Hey, wait a minute.

Who's turned to do the dishes?

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...

Loco, I hear voices from the kitchen saying we're filthy.

Come wash us.

Well, if they're old enough to talk, they're old enough to wash themselves.

Loco, get going. Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Are you sure it's my turn?

Tuesday, loco.

All right.

More dishes, Loco?

No, less.

Loco, why aren't you doing the dishes? That was

Tuesday. It is now Wednesday. Good morning.

Well, if today is Wednesday, Loco, it's your turn to wax the floors.

Oh, no, it isn't. I took Greta's turn to wax the floors when she had a date.

But I did the shopping for you when it was your turn

because you were washing the windows for Mike.

Well, I made the beds for you.

Hold it, hold it.

This isn't getting us anyplace.

I wish we had a maid. Oh, a maid.

In the first place, we can't afford one.

In the second place, why should we need one?

Are we so helpless?

So useless?

So immature?

So... So stupid?

Please be seated, ladies.

I see you want somebody for general housework.

Well, I think we have several who might meet your requirements.

Suppose I just send them in and you can talk to them.

Thank you.

Gosh, isn't it exciting? We're going to be employers.

Yes, but let's treat these girls just the way we'd

like to be treated when we're looking for work.

Well, of course, after all, they're... Good afternoon.

My name is Margaret Waring.

How do you do? Hi.

Do you mind if we call you Maggie?

Miss Waring will suffice. Yes.

Shall we get started? Very well.

I see that you live at the Tara House Apartments on Park Avenue.

The address is satisfactory.

The penthouse.

We have a lovely view of the East River.

I've seen the East River. Do you have any children?

I suppose you'll want to discuss references.

Oh, I don't think that will be necessary. I'm sure you're well qualified.

I mean, you're...

Oh, and there'll be just a few breakfast and dinner dishes.

Of course you've got a dishwasher.

Why, no.

Well, before we go any further, I think I must tell

you, I don't do washing. I don't polish silver.

I don't wax woodwork. I don't scrub floors.

What about dust under the furniture?

And I don't lift.

Well, do you slide?

Wait a minute, let me get this straight.

You don't wash, you don't polish, you don't

wax, you don't scrub, and you don't lift.

What do you do? Just housework.

Well, that sounds fine, Miss Hawkins. Oh, call me Tilly.

All right, Tilly.

Do you wash windows?

I wash.

And polish silver? I polish. And wax the woodwork? I wax.

And scrub floors? I scrub.

Well, now we're beginning to see daylight.

What's your salary, Tilly? 500 a month.

Who turned out the light?

Well, I'm terribly sorry we couldn't find anybody for you.

The last one was all right, but that salary, $500 a month.

We figured on, oh, $50, something around that amount. Like 40.

$50, huh?

Well, if you hear of anyone for that price, I wish you'd let us know. Well...

Don't call us, and we won't call you.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Gosh, I had no idea maids were so expensive.

Now you know why some people refer to them as jewels.

I guess we'll just have to forget about having a maid.

It was a nice idea. Pardon me, ladies.

Are you looking for a maid?

Yes.

I'm afraid we can't afford one. How do you know you can?

Well, it's just simple arithmetic.

You see, we're offering so much, they're asking so much,

and the difference between muches is just too much.

I don't know what they're asking in there, but I'm sure you could afford me.

We could?

You see, I don't need a lot. I'm all alone in the world.

If I could have a good home with nice people, I'd work for $10 a week. Ready?

This is Nellie.

Well, I'm all set.

Oh, it's perfect.

I'm working for three girls, and they're away all day at work.

Nobody's here to bother me.

And this food.

You know what trouble I've had getting one under my name?

Here I won't even have to pay the bills.

What a setup.

Yeah.

Hold it.

Okay, what have you got for tomorrow?

20 bucks at Marmaduke and the first at Hialeah. 50 across the board, big boy.

Six at Rockingham.

Ten on the nose, Comanche.

Fourth at Belmont.

Okay. Okay.

Got it.

Your groceries, madam.

It's okay, Eddie. Come on in.

Hi, Nellie.

Got by the doorman all right?

Anyone seem suspicious? Nah, it was a breeze.

Yeah, well, just be careful.

I've got four 30-day raps against me already.

If the judge ever decides to put them into a parlay,

my next sentence could be from now on.

Wow, what a layout for a horse parlay.

This is the classiest setup we had since we used that undertaking joint.

Yeah. Well, if we play it cozy, I think we're pretty safe here.

The girls leave at 9 in the morning, don't come home till 6.

What could be better?

I passed the word around. Only to call during those hours.

Good.

Did you bring yesterday's take?

Yep.

Here's the tomatoes.

The money. And here's the lettuce.

I can't get over this, Chite.

How did you manage to snatch the job, Nellie, with no references?

Who said no references?

I can write. Yeah, but the housework.

How do you manage to get it done?

Hey, Tilly.

You've heard of a gentleman's gentleman?

Well, Tilly's a maid's maid.

Boy, that Nellie sure can cook.

What a dinner.

And did I ever eat. You know, I don't think I have room inside for a deep breath.

What a pleasure not having to cook anymore.

Oh, that wasn't so bad. It was having to eat what we cooked.

I wish that Tilly at the agency could see this place.

And that money she was asking.

I wonder if she'll ever get a job.

You know, I can't understand why Nellie's former employers ever let her go.

Neither can I. Mike, what did her references say?

My gosh.

To tell you the truth, I got so excited about getting her, I forgot to read them.

I've got them in my bag here.

Listen to this.

Nellie is odds on the best maid we ever had.

She's a winner all the way.

When it comes to housework, your best bet is to give Nellie her head,

and she's off to the races.

Nellie's a favorite in my book.

A sure thing right down to the wire.

Gosh, what strange references. Yeah.

But they all seem to like her.

And they all seem like very important people, too.

There's Mrs. Churchill V. Downs, Belmont J. Rockingham, and Mrs. Sarah Toga.

And now coming into the back stretch, a janky spy by two lengths,

Dusty Devil by a head, Minesweeper by a length and a half. Harris,

baby in white gloves, fighting it out for fourth. And now coming into the wire,

a janky spy by a neck, Dusty Devil coming up on the outside,

Minesweeper closing fast, and the winner, Silver Bell!

I'll have to owe you the rest till payday.

Which payday?

You've already used up your next one.

Will you please wait, Jessie? I'm not in a hurry.

Yes, Miss Loco, I'm in here cleaning up. What brings you home this time of the day?

Oh, I forgot I was supposed to bring my blue

dress for a modeling job this afternoon.

Where are you going? I left it in the bedroom. Oh, I'll

get it for you. Probably needs brushing.

Don't bother brushing it. It's for a story in

True Life Confessions. I was a beautiful slob.

Hello?

Yes?

What?

Oh, yes, that's the right number, but I think you must have dialed it wrong.

Huh?

Huh?

Okay.

Who was it? Somebody named Charlie. Must have had

the wrong number. Oh, yeah, that's probably it.

Well, I'll get your dress.

Now, who would want to put $50 on a porcupine?

$50 on a porcupine?

Oh, some fellow named Charlie just called up on the

telephone and said to put $50 on a porcupine.

$50 on a... Oh, porcupine's a horse.

I think he's running in the sixth.

A porcupine is a horse?

Now, Jesse...

I'd just like to see somebody try to ride a porcupine.

Well, somebody's riding this one.

Hey, you've been given a tip on a race.

Let me see.

Yeah, here he is. He goes off at 20 to 1.

Well...

It's too late.

He left already.

No, this race doesn't go till around 4 o'clock.

You know, just on a hunch, I might put $5 on a porcupine myself.

The doorman knows a newsboy who knows a bookie.

Here, Jessie, put $20 on it for me. Seems like that Charlie knows something.

Do you really think so? Well, it's worth the chance. And if he wins,

it means $100 back for five.

Gosh, I've never done this before, and I'll probably hate myself in the morning.

But would you bet five for me, too? Why not?

Okay.

Here you are.

Well, let's see. The third race is gone.

The fourth is a tree of cork, and... Well, I hope he wins.

Oh, don't worry about it, Jesse. If he doesn't, you can pay me back next week.

Okay, pork you find in the six. You got it.

And now coming into the stretch, it's Flying Foam by a neck, Seahawk second,

and Porcupine coming up fast. It's Flying Foam, Porcupine, and Seahawk.

Porcupine is taking the lead. It's Porcupine and Flying Foam.

Porcupine is pulling out in front. Coming into the wire, it's Porcupine, the winner.

So is Nellie.

I don't know who spread the word around,

but it seems like everybody in town was betting on porcupine this afternoon.

Took a bath, huh?

Up to my neck. This is going to cost me about 6,000 bucks. 6,200.

Gosh, isn't it wonderful? $100 for five.

But I still don't understand how it happened.

I told you.

This fellow Charlie called up on the telephone and said to put $50 on porcupine.

And I told Jesse, and here it is.

Gosh, just like that.

Yep.

I'll bet there are a lot of happy people in town tonight.

I told everybody I met to bet on Porcupine. Oh, hi, Nellie.

Gosh, Nellie, I should have told you about it, too.

You know that fellow Charlie who called up and we thought it was the wrong number?

Well, he gave me a tip on a horse.

Really?

Oh, I guess you don't know much about horse racing.

Not a thing. Well, neither do I, actually, but...

Here, as long as I have it. Here's $40. A month's pay in advance.

Oh, don't thank me. Thank my bookie.

So I'll be in a little late today, Mr. Tompkins.

I'm expecting a very important phone call from my uncle.

Uncle Charlie!

Yes, from Uncle Charlie.

Thank you very much, Mr. Tompkins.

Goodbye.

Gosh, I hope he does call.

Oh, I'm sure he will. He knows our number.

Oh. Oh.

Uh, girls, it's after nine o'clock.

You'll be late for work.

Well, we're not going to work yet, Nellie. You see,

Loco thinks Charlie may call again with another tip on a horse.

Don't tell me three nice young girls like you

are going to start following the horses.

Oh, no. They run too fast.

Believe me, girls, they'll take you for every cent you've got.

Well, I know someone who lost $6,000 on just one race.

Oh, Nellie, we could never bet that much.

Hello.

Aunt Liz, 10 across, right?

Who is that, Nellie?

My Aunt Liz.

I'm meeting you at 10 tonight, across the street from Schraff's. Now look, girls,

why don't you be smart and go to work?

Sorry, we don't need any brushes today.

Nellie, what are you doing with the phone?

Just in case it rang.

You know, it's the maid's job to answer the phone.

That's what you're paying me for.

Oh, come on now, Nellie.

Besides, I'm not going to let you answer it and throw your money away on the horses.

So you might just as well pick yourselves up and go to work.

It's for you. Hello?

Oh, hello, Cecile. No, I'll be a little later this morning.

Would you please tell Mr. Quincy?

Hello, Heroy.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Is this the Shoemaker residence?

No, down the hall.

Thanks a lot, Cecile. Bye.

That's Cecile the doll. She'll cover up for me. Say, who was that?

I was wondering... Hello?

Oh, hello, Charlie. We've been waiting for your call.

What was his name again?

Bobalink in the third race at Hialeah.

Thanks a lot, Charlie.

Come on, girls, let's go. Sorry.

See you later, Nellie. We've got to see a man about a bobble egg.

Now, look, we're pretty sure somebody in the vicinity has been making book.

What do you know about it? Me?

Nothing.

You might as well talk up, because I'm going to find out anyway.

Jesse!

Jesse!

We just got another tip, and we want to... Jesse, this is important.

Let's go over there. Wait a minute. Let him talk.

Go ahead, lady.

Thanks.

I think you'll be interested in this, too.

We want to place $15 on bobbling in the third ring of Hialeah.

You're the one.

Oh, no.

He gives the money to the doorman who gives it

to a newsboy who knows some bookies' numbers.

All right, you've got the number. Now give it to me.

But, officer, I... Look, buddy, if you're not going to talk,

I'm going to take all of you down to headquarters right now.

You mean we're going to jail? Oh, Jesse, please give him the number. Oh,

if you don't care about yourself, think about us.

Please, give him the phone number.

Well, all right.

But don't tell him I gave it to you.

I don't want to get in any trouble.

You're not going to get in any trouble if you give me that number.

All right.

It's Murray Hill 41598.

There you are, officer. But that's our number.

Come on, Millie, shake it up.

And you're always in a hurry. You know why I'm taking my time?

Last month when he picked me up, he got a ticket.

He had the wagon double parked. Nellie.

How can you take all of this so calmly? Oh, I'm used to

this. Don't worry about me. I'll be back in 60 days.

Back? Here? Of course. Hello?

No.

Nellie doesn't live here anymore.