All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E20 - The Utterly Perfect Man

Ah, heavenly Hawaii.

You too can bask in its glittering
sunshine, splash in its sky-blue surf.

At a secretary's salary?

Well, there must be ways that a bright,

pretty girl can get her hands
on the necessary, um, loot?

Not ways, mister. Ways.

Marry it.

Greta, I'm exhausted.

So am I. We never should
have gone to the movies

tonight with all this
housework to be done.

I know.

Say, why don't we get up in
the morning and finish it then?

No, it's too discouraging in the morning.

You can see the dirt better.

What's Loco doing?

Hey, wait a minute.

Who's turned to do the dishes?

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...

Loco, I hear voices from the
kitchen saying we're filthy.

Come wash us.

Well, if they're old enough to talk,
they're old enough to wash themselves.

Loco, get going. Okay. Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Are you sure it's my turn?

Tuesday, loco.

All right.

More dishes, Loco?

No, less.

Loco, why aren't you
doing the dishes? That was

Tuesday. It is now
Wednesday. Good morning.

Well, if today is Wednesday, Loco,
it's your turn to wax the floors.

Oh, no, it isn't. I took Greta's turn
to wax the floors when she had a date.

But I did the shopping for
you when it was your turn

because you were
washing the windows for Mike.

Well, I made the beds for you.

Hold it, hold it.

This isn't getting us anyplace.

I wish we had a maid. Oh, a maid.

In the first place, we can't afford one.

In the second place,
why should we need one?

Are we so helpless?

So useless?

So immature?

So... So stupid?

Please be seated, ladies.

I see you want somebody
for general housework.

Well, I think we have several
who might meet your requirements.

Suppose I just send them in
and you can talk to them.

Thank you.

Gosh, isn't it exciting?
We're going to be employers.

Yes, but let's treat
these girls just the way we'd

like to be treated when
we're looking for work.

Well, of course, after all,
they're... Good afternoon.

My name is Margaret Waring.

How do you do? Hi.

Do you mind if we call you Maggie?

Miss Waring will suffice. Yes.

Shall we get started? Very well.

I see that you live at the Tara
House Apartments on Park Avenue.

The address is satisfactory.

The penthouse.

We have a lovely view of the East River.

I've seen the East River.
Do you have any children?

I suppose you'll want
to discuss references.

Oh, I don't think that will be
necessary. I'm sure you're well qualified.

I mean, you're...

Oh, and there'll be just a few
breakfast and dinner dishes.

Of course you've got a dishwasher.

Why, no.

Well, before we go any
further, I think I must tell

you, I don't do washing.
I don't polish silver.

I don't wax woodwork.
I don't scrub floors.

What about dust under the furniture?

And I don't lift.

Well, do you slide?

Wait a minute, let me get this straight.

You don't wash, you
don't polish, you don't

wax, you don't scrub, and you don't lift.

What do you do? Just housework.

Well, that sounds fine, Miss
Hawkins. Oh, call me Tilly.

All right, Tilly.

Do you wash windows?

I wash.

And polish silver? I polish.
And wax the woodwork? I wax.

And scrub floors? I scrub.

Well, now we're beginning to see daylight.

What's your salary, Tilly? 500 a month.

Who turned out the light?

Well, I'm terribly sorry we
couldn't find anybody for you.

The last one was all right,
but that salary, $500 a month.

We figured on, oh, $50,
something around that amount. Like 40.

$50, huh?

Well, if you hear of anyone for that
price, I wish you'd let us know. Well...

Don't call us, and we won't call you.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Gosh, I had no idea
maids were so expensive.

Now you know why some
people refer to them as jewels.

I guess we'll just have to
forget about having a maid.

It was a nice idea. Pardon me, ladies.

Are you looking for a maid?

Yes.

I'm afraid we can't afford
one. How do you know you can?

Well, it's just simple arithmetic.

You see, we're offering so
much, they're asking so much,

and the difference between
muches is just too much.

I don't know what they're asking in
there, but I'm sure you could afford me.

We could?

You see, I don't need a lot.
I'm all alone in the world.

If I could have a good home with nice
people, I'd work for $10 a week. Ready?

This is Nellie.

Well, I'm all set.

Oh, it's perfect.

I'm working for three girls,
and they're away all day at work.

Nobody's here to bother me.

And this food.

You know what trouble I've
had getting one under my name?

Here I won't even have to pay the bills.

What a setup.

Yeah.

Hold it.

Okay, what have you got for tomorrow?

20 bucks at Marmaduke and the first at
Hialeah. 50 across the board, big boy.

Six at Rockingham.

Ten on the nose, Comanche.

Fourth at Belmont.

Okay. Okay.

Got it.

Your groceries, madam.

It's okay, Eddie. Come on in.

Hi, Nellie.

Got by the doorman all right?

Anyone seem suspicious?
Nah, it was a breeze.

Yeah, well, just be careful.

I've got four 30-day
raps against me already.

If the judge ever decides
to put them into a parlay,

my next sentence could be from now on.

Wow, what a layout for a horse parlay.

This is the classiest setup we had
since we used that undertaking joint.

Yeah. Well, if we play it cozy,
I think we're pretty safe here.

The girls leave at 9 in the
morning, don't come home till 6.

What could be better?

I passed the word around.
Only to call during those hours.

Good.

Did you bring yesterday's take?

Yep.

Here's the tomatoes.

The money. And here's the lettuce.

I can't get over this, Chite.

How did you manage to snatch the
job, Nellie, with no references?

Who said no references?

I can write. Yeah, but the housework.

How do you manage to get it done?

Hey, Tilly.

You've heard of a gentleman's gentleman?

Well, Tilly's a maid's maid.

Boy, that Nellie sure can cook.

What a dinner.

And did I ever eat. You know, I don't
think I have room inside for a deep breath.

What a pleasure not
having to cook anymore.

Oh, that wasn't so bad. It was
having to eat what we cooked.

I wish that Tilly at the
agency could see this place.

And that money she was asking.

I wonder if she'll ever get a job.

You know, I can't understand why
Nellie's former employers ever let her go.

Neither can I. Mike, what
did her references say?

My gosh.

To tell you the truth, I got so excited
about getting her, I forgot to read them.

I've got them in my bag here.

Listen to this.

Nellie is odds on the
best maid we ever had.

She's a winner all the way.

When it comes to housework, your
best bet is to give Nellie her head,

and she's off to the races.

Nellie's a favorite in my book.

A sure thing right down to the wire.

Gosh, what strange references. Yeah.

But they all seem to like her.

And they all seem like
very important people, too.

There's Mrs. Churchill V. Downs,
Belmont J. Rockingham, and Mrs. Sarah Toga.

And now coming into the back
stretch, a janky spy by two lengths,

Dusty Devil by a head,
Minesweeper by a length and a half. Harris,

baby in white gloves, fighting it out
for fourth. And now coming into the wire,

a janky spy by a neck, Dusty
Devil coming up on the outside,

Minesweeper closing fast,
and the winner, Silver Bell!

I'll have to owe you the rest till payday.

Which payday?

You've already used up your next one.

Will you please wait,
Jessie? I'm not in a hurry.

Yes, Miss Loco, I'm in here cleaning up.
What brings you home this time of the day?

Oh, I forgot I was
supposed to bring my blue

dress for a modeling job this afternoon.

Where are you going? I left
it in the bedroom. Oh, I'll

get it for you. Probably needs brushing.

Don't bother brushing
it. It's for a story in

True Life Confessions.
I was a beautiful slob.

Hello?

Yes?

What?

Oh, yes, that's the right number, but
I think you must have dialed it wrong.

Huh?

Huh?

Okay.

Who was it? Somebody
named Charlie. Must have had

the wrong number. Oh,
yeah, that's probably it.

Well, I'll get your dress.

Now, who would want to
put $50 on a porcupine?

$50 on a porcupine?

Oh, some fellow named
Charlie just called up on the

telephone and said to
put $50 on a porcupine.

$50 on a... Oh, porcupine's a horse.

I think he's running in the sixth.

A porcupine is a horse?

Now, Jesse...

I'd just like to see
somebody try to ride a porcupine.

Well, somebody's riding this one.

Hey, you've been given a tip on a race.

Let me see.

Yeah, here he is. He goes off at 20 to 1.

Well...

It's too late.

He left already.

No, this race doesn't go
till around 4 o'clock.

You know, just on a hunch, I
might put $5 on a porcupine myself.

The doorman knows a
newsboy who knows a bookie.

Here, Jessie, put $20 on it for me.
Seems like that Charlie knows something.

Do you really think so? Well, it's
worth the chance. And if he wins,

it means $100 back for five.

Gosh, I've never done this before, and
I'll probably hate myself in the morning.

But would you bet five
for me, too? Why not?

Okay.

Here you are.

Well, let's see. The third race is gone.

The fourth is a tree of cork,
and... Well, I hope he wins.

Oh, don't worry about it, Jesse. If he
doesn't, you can pay me back next week.

Okay, pork you find in
the six. You got it.

And now coming into the stretch, it's
Flying Foam by a neck, Seahawk second,

and Porcupine coming up fast. It's
Flying Foam, Porcupine, and Seahawk.

Porcupine is taking the lead.
It's Porcupine and Flying Foam.

Porcupine is pulling out in front. Coming
into the wire, it's Porcupine, the winner.

So is Nellie.

I don't know who spread the word around,

but it seems like everybody in town
was betting on porcupine this afternoon.

Took a bath, huh?

Up to my neck. This is going to
cost me about 6,000 bucks. 6,200.

Gosh, isn't it wonderful? $100 for five.

But I still don't
understand how it happened.

I told you.

This fellow Charlie called up on the
telephone and said to put $50 on porcupine.

And I told Jesse, and here it is.

Gosh, just like that.

Yep.

I'll bet there are a lot of
happy people in town tonight.

I told everybody I met to bet
on Porcupine. Oh, hi, Nellie.

Gosh, Nellie, I should
have told you about it, too.

You know that fellow Charlie who called
up and we thought it was the wrong number?

Well, he gave me a tip on a horse.

Really?

Oh, I guess you don't know
much about horse racing.

Not a thing. Well,
neither do I, actually, but...

Here, as long as I have it.
Here's $40. A month's pay in advance.

Oh, don't thank me. Thank my bookie.

So I'll be in a little
late today, Mr. Tompkins.

I'm expecting a very
important phone call from my uncle.

Uncle Charlie!

Yes, from Uncle Charlie.

Thank you very much, Mr. Tompkins.

Goodbye.

Gosh, I hope he does call.

Oh, I'm sure he will. He knows our number.

Oh. Oh.

Uh, girls, it's after nine o'clock.

You'll be late for work.

Well, we're not going to
work yet, Nellie. You see,

Loco thinks Charlie may call
again with another tip on a horse.

Don't tell me three
nice young girls like you

are going to start following the horses.

Oh, no. They run too fast.

Believe me, girls, they'll take
you for every cent you've got.

Well, I know someone who
lost $6,000 on just one race.

Oh, Nellie, we could never bet that much.

Hello.

Aunt Liz, 10 across, right?

Who is that, Nellie?

My Aunt Liz.

I'm meeting you at 10 tonight, across the
street from Schraff's. Now look, girls,

why don't you be smart and go to work?

Sorry, we don't need any brushes today.

Nellie, what are you doing with the phone?

Just in case it rang.

You know, it's the maid's
job to answer the phone.

That's what you're paying me for.

Oh, come on now, Nellie.

Besides, I'm not going to let you answer
it and throw your money away on the horses.

So you might just as well pick
yourselves up and go to work.

It's for you. Hello?

Oh, hello, Cecile. No, I'll be
a little later this morning.

Would you please tell Mr. Quincy?

Hello, Heroy.

Oh, uh, excuse me.

Is this the Shoemaker residence?

No, down the hall.

Thanks a lot, Cecile. Bye.

That's Cecile the doll. She'll
cover up for me. Say, who was that?

I was wondering... Hello?

Oh, hello, Charlie. We've
been waiting for your call.

What was his name again?

Bobalink in the third race at Hialeah.

Thanks a lot, Charlie.

Come on, girls, let's go. Sorry.

See you later, Nellie. We've got
to see a man about a bobble egg.

Now, look, we're pretty sure somebody
in the vicinity has been making book.

What do you know about it? Me?

Nothing.

You might as well talk up,
because I'm going to find out anyway.

Jesse!

Jesse!

We just got another tip, and we
want to... Jesse, this is important.

Let's go over there. Wait
a minute. Let him talk.

Go ahead, lady.

Thanks.

I think you'll be interested in this, too.

We want to place $15 on
bobbling in the third ring of Hialeah.

You're the one.

Oh, no.

He gives the money to
the doorman who gives it

to a newsboy who knows
some bookies' numbers.

All right, you've got the
number. Now give it to me.

But, officer, I... Look,
buddy, if you're not going to talk,

I'm going to take all of you
down to headquarters right now.

You mean we're going to jail? Oh,
Jesse, please give him the number. Oh,

if you don't care about
yourself, think about us.

Please, give him the phone number.

Well, all right.

But don't tell him I gave it to you.

I don't want to get in any trouble.

You're not going to get in any
trouble if you give me that number.

All right.

It's Murray Hill 41598.

There you are, officer.
But that's our number.

Come on, Millie, shake it up.

And you're always in a hurry.
You know why I'm taking my time?

Last month when he picked
me up, he got a ticket.

He had the wagon double parked. Nellie.

How can you take all of this
so calmly? Oh, I'm used to

this. Don't worry about
me. I'll be back in 60 days.

Back? Here? Of course. Hello?

No.

Nellie doesn't live here anymore.