All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E18 - The Prince Kaudim Story

This is a diamond mine.

Untold wealth buried in the earth.

Earth that has been fought
for, bled for, died for.

There's a much easier way of getting
yourself a little parcel of land like that.

There is?

But of course.

Well, come on, lady, off with it.

You can marry it.

Nail man, nail man.

Oh, I'm so excited it finally
got here. Loco. Oh, thank you.

What finally got here? This
month's copy of Fashion Preview. Well,

it gets here every month, Loco.
Why break out over this issue?

Because this issue is going to be
the beginning of great things for me.

Remember that big
feature ad I posed for? Yeah.

Oh, no.

What's wrong? How do you like that?

I spent four hours under hot lights,
28 poses, and they only use one hand.

I guess since an engagement
ring company was footing the bill,

they felt the rest of you might distract.

Well, since you put it that
way, I suppose it's a compliment.

Only I just wish once they'd
use all of me. You're right.

Loco, why don't you
change modeling agencies?

Ever since Barry Travers took over from
his father, that office has gone to pot.

Barry's a darling, sweet boy.

Besides, he has a million dollars.

He has.

Yeah, but what have you got to
show for the last six months?

One hand and that nail polish ad. A
glorious picture of your toenails.

Your hands and feet are doing fine, but
the rest of you isn't earning a quarter.

My advice, Loco, find
yourself a new agency.

Get some new pictures taken. Who
knows, it just might change your luck.

You girls are right.

I'm going right over to Marachi's and have

some new pictures
made. Now you're talking.

Now my feet and hands stay where
they belong, in my shoes and gloves.

Hi, Miss Wilcox. Hi, Loco.

Do you think Mr. Maracci could
take some pictures of me today?

I'm feeling especially photogenic.

Well, you're looking especially
photogenic, but I'm afraid you'll have to wait.

He's in the midst of a fur layout.

Oh, well, I'll be right back. I have
another appointment in the building,

and I better tell them I'll be late.

Hello.

I'm Laurel Manners. I wonder
if I could see Mr. Maracci.

Did you say Laurel Manners? Yes.

Something wrong?

Well, I knew a Laurel
Manners once, back in the 20s.

Looked enough like you
to... It's positively eerie.

Not really so eerie. She's my mother. No.

Well, Laurel Manners, Jr.,
that's a bit more like it.

I hope you're as good a model as
your mother was. Oh, I hope so, too.

She was Mr. Maracci's
favorite. As a matter of fact,

I think we still have a picture of her
in the files. Would you like to see it?

I'd love to.

Ah, here it is.

This was on the cover of Vanity
Fair. Did you ever see it? No.

Mother lost all her pictures
in a fire a few years ago.

Well, I'm afraid Mother's
changed a bit since then.

Who hasn't?

Would you like to keep it?

Could I? Of course. Now, if
you'll just take a seat, Mr.

Maracci shouldn't be too long.

Thank you so much.

Well, it looks like we're rival models,
but I don't see why we can't be friendly.

I'm Loco Jones. I'm Laurel Manners.

Haven't I seen your picture recently?

Not unless you can tell a
person's face by their hands and feet.

Well, at least you're working.

Gee, I wish I could say the same.

You shouldn't be having any trouble.

Unless your pictures aren't
any good either. They're not.

That's why I want to try Mr. Marachi.

Gee, I've got to make a phone call.

I don't suppose they'd
mind if I used their phone.

May I look at your
picture? Sure, go ahead.

These are good.

Is Mr. Henderson there?

Yes, I'll wait.

Oh, now here's one I really like.

Isn't it funny how those
old-fashioned styles have come back in again?

That was taken in 1927. I
wasn't even born in 1927.

My mom and dad weren't
even married in 1927.

1927? That was more than 30 years ago.
Yes, 1927 is more than 30 years ago.

You're coming with me.

Where are we going? To
Barry Travers, the head

of my model agency.
Oh, no. He won't see me.

I can't even get past the
front door. You will now.

We're going to run right over there.

What's the matter?

You'd better lean on me. Your legs
probably aren't what they used to be.

I know it's hard to believe, Barry,
but I tell you, she's at least 56.

Now, Loco, if this girl is
56, you're Grandma Moses.

Well, why don't you ask her? She's right
outside. Well, I'll do better than that.

Would you get me Mr. Marachi, please?

Don't worry about it, loco.

There's a virus going around
that makes people see things.

Hello, Marachi.

Did you ever photograph a
girl named Laurel Manners?

Laurel Manners?

She was... We were...

But of course I
photographed hundreds of times.

You did?

Your first model?

But you opened your
studio in 1922. Bye, Marachi.

Would you send Miss Manners in, please?

I hate to say I told you
so, but I told you so.

Mr. Travers, this is Laurel Manners.

Don't move.

Just let me look at you.

Can't get over it.

You are eight years older than my mother.

What? Now, now, honey, this is one time
you don't have to lie about your age.

You are older than his mother.

Mine, too.

What'd I tell you? Look, just the same.

And this picture was taken
more than 30 years ago. No way.

No, you just... Wait a minute.

Just sit down over here, please.

Young lady, I mean, Miss Manners, how
would you like to find yourself rich, famous,

and on the cover of
every magazine in the world?

Well, I'd love to, but... Now,
when I unveil you to the press,

and I announce that you're 56 years old,
you'll have a million dollars in contracts.

Now, what was it you wanted to tell me?

I can't remember at my age. Oh, look,

I want to get this promotion started
right away. Now, give me all the dope.

What's the secret of your youth?

Well, lots of fresh
air and exercise and...

A good, sensible diet.

You know, lots of raw vegetables and
yogurt, wheat germ, extract of iodine.

Oh, the works. How old were you when
you went on that diet? About your age.

My...

Goodbye, everybody. I've
got some shopping to do.

Wheat jerky, extract of
iodine, yogurt in the works.

Heavens, you're finally here.

I'm so starved I could
eat those bags. Girls,

this has probably been the most
important day of my life. Naturally.

It isn't every day we eat steaks. Steaks?

I hope you remembered to pick
them up from the butcher. Butcher?

Don't ever mention his name again.
He's the enemy of man. I mean, woman.

Sweet little Mr.
Pomerance, who just had his

seventh granddaughter, the enemy of women?

Today I discovered the truth.

The secret of youth.

Sure, money.

No, Laurel Manners.

Who?

She's 56 and looks younger than any of us.

Well, with all our troubles, who doesn't?

Well...

Our troubles may soon be over.
I took Laurel to Barry Travers,

and he got so excited that he's going
to build a national campaign around her.

Well, that should pay next month's
rent. You don't understand, Mike.

Barry has a million dollars, and
he's better looking than Tyrone Power.

That's very nice, dear.

But it doesn't explain why Mr.
Pomerantz is out to liquidate women.

He sells meat.

You should be shocked.

Laugh all you want to, but Laurel
hasn't had a bite of meat in 35 years. Loco,

we're starved. What did you
bring? Oh, you'll just love it.

Yogurt.

Wheat germ? Wheat germ?

Carrot juice and
riboflavin. Ribo-what? Flavin.

Is that a food or a
detergent? It's a food, silly.

Extract of iodine and alfalfa.
That sounds great if you're a horse.

Extract of iodine?

Is that supposed to prolong life or end
it? It'll keep you beautiful forever.

Let's face it, girls. We're all
blondes, and blondes fade fast.

It's better to fade fast
than die fast. Come on, Mike.

Where are you going?

We're going to pay a
little visit to that vicious

killer of women, Mr. Pomerantz. Oh.

Honey, if you run out of iodine,
there's lots more in the medicine.

Your blinders, dear.

Probably our charming
neighbors beating each other up again.

At 8 o'clock in the morning?

Maybe they've changed their schedule.

That sounds more like they've
changed their battleground.

That noise is coming from our living room.

Where did you get all this junk?

Oh, a man delivered it early this morning.

Don't worry.

Dollar down, dollar a week.

Dollar down part was easy, and I
refuse to worry about the rest.

Loco, you're going to die young.

Oh, no.

I'm going to live forever.

Laurel exercises three hours every day,
and you should see what she looks like.

Give me two minutes with Laurel,
and I'll make her look her age.

You can have all evening.

I'm bringing her home for dinner tonight.

Dinner!

Yep.

Oh, here, pull this.
Oh, now it's breakfast.

I fixed it for all of us.

Here, now drink up,
girls. What is this, mud?

No, pure puree of prunes.

Pure puree of prunes.

Simply sip slowly.

Simply sips. I couldn't
play such a nasty trick on

the stomach I've known and loved
for so many years. Come on, Mike.

But you don't understand,
girls. It's Dr. Svensson's vitamins.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G. I know.

Guaranteed to make your
face wrinkle up like a prune.

Well, Laurel ought to be
here any... What's in that?

Pure poison.

Spaghetti and meatballs.
You can't do that! Why,

Laurel wouldn't be caught dead
eating spaghetti and meatballs!

That isn't for Laurel. If you
two want to graze on that alfalfa,

that's your business. But Greta
and I are going to live a little,

even if we age overnight.

All right. But Laurel is only
going to look at you with pity.

Speaking of pity, how
could you do it, Loco? What?

Sticking your head in Mr. Pomerantz's
shop and screaming, murderer? Come over, you.

We have nothing to discuss.

Boy, I can just
picture this morning glory,

blossoming out every day with the aid
of two tens of makeup and four girdles,

and falling apart every night.

Maybe I should get the makeup ready.

She's bound to need minor
repairs this time of day.

Oh, there she is. Oh, I'm betting
she'll need oxygen after that elevator ride.

Yes, I'm Laurel Manners.

You're Laurel Manners.

She's Laurel Manners.

The Laurel Manners? What's
happening here? Well, I don't know.

They just keep repeating my name.

Come on in, Laurel.

Oh, you brought the dessert.

Spinach and celery pie? Oh, oh, these
are my friends, Greta and Mike. Hi.

Hi.

Just between us, have you
been packed in ice for 30 years?

Don't pay any attention to them.

They're meat eaters.

I told them, if they don't start
eating health foods and exercising,

they're going to go just like that.

We may have already started. Those
are bags under your eyes, Greta.

Well, those aren't
exactly dimples under yours.

Well, I wasn't going to mention it, dear,

but this does look like the
beginning of a bulge. Yeah?

All I've got to say is I'd rather have
the bulge in the front than in the back.

No, really, girl.

No, they're both right. Oh, do you
think it's too late for us, Laurel?

Have we reached the point of no return?

Don't be silly. Well, I didn't
become diet-conscious until I was 22.

And there's hope for everybody.
Greta, we're starting tonight.

Spaghetti and meatballs.

Loco. What's this
poison doing on our table?

But I didn't put it there. Out with it.

We germ for everyone.

Wash down with the cool, refreshing
extract of iodine. Three, four, one, two,

three, four. One, two,
three, four. Oh, I'll get it.

Now, don't let up, girls.

Yeah, Father Time is
breathing down our necks.

He's the only one who can still
breathe. Why, Mr. Mirachi, what a surprise.

Won't you come in?

For a beautiful girl, always.

I juice dropped into...

Magnifico! They're just
trying to get rid of their bulges.

Mr. Maracci, I'd like
you to meet my roommate.

Greta, hello. And Mike.

How do you do?

I'm afraid you caught us
with our biceps showing.

Please sit down. Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Thank you.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Actually, all we're trying to do is
follow Laurel Manners' recipe for eternal youth.

Ah, Laurel Manners. My
inspiration, my life.

You hear of Dante and Beatrice?

That was Laurel and me. You
see these bloodshot eyes?

No sleep. For seven days no sleep,

because I miss her when she
come to my office the other day.

You mean you and she were that way
about each other? We invented that way.

Mr. Moracci, how would you like to see
your Laurel again? Please, that's why I come.

Take me to her.

In a short while, you're
going to see your Beatrice again.

Grazie, signorina.

Well, here we are, Mr.
Maracci. Are you very excited?

Oh, look, my brain nerve is
quivering. Oh, come on, knock.

Go ahead, go on, knock.

Good evening, signora. I wish
to see Laurel Manners, please.

Julio!

You know my first name.

How do I... Julio, don't you recognize me?

Excuse me, but I've never
seen you before in my life.

You still have that cute
little mustache. Mr. Ticklesome.

I've never tickled you in all my life.

Come on, Julio. Don't you know your old
cover girl? I'm Laurel. Laurel Manners.

She's Laurel Manners?

Well, if she is, I'm Marilyn Monroe.

Mama, what's going on?

Uh-oh.

Well, I guess the jig is up.

Fifty-six.

Girls, can't I even have
one teensy bite of steak?

Not until you finish
every last bit of those wood

shavings that were going
to keep us young forever.

I don't know what you're so mad about.

Barry doesn't know that Laurel's
really only 20, so what's so awful?

Tomorrow, Laurel meets the press
as a monument to eternal youth.

The reporters find out the
truth, and Barry strangles you.

And if he doesn't, I will.

Loco, if I were you, I'd come clean
with Barry so he can call off the show.

Gee, and I was doing so well with him.

There goes a million
dollars right out the window.

A million.

Such a nice, clean, round number.

Still, loyalty to Barry should
make you confess immediately.

But loyalty to us calls
for a bit of maneuvering.

My favorite pastime. Good.

Now, I've got a way to
kill Laurel forever in

Barry's eyes and still
keep you, Simon, pure.

What do I have to do?

Call Laurel and tell her she's
going to do the show tomorrow.

Nince Denley, have her bring Mama along.

This is your dressing room, honey, right
here. All your gowns are on the inside.

I don't want you to be nervous now.

Oh, she'll be fine. We're
going to help make her up.

Besides, she's been doing
this since before you were born.

I almost forgot about that.

Gee, I believe it's almost
time to join my guests. Now,

I'll be back in an hour to escort you
to the stage, okay? So long, girls.

Bye.

Okay, the coast is
clear. Go get Greta and Mama.

Well, maybe we overdid the lipstick
a little, Mike. Oh, I can fix that.

It's time, Laurel. Can I come in
and see how beautiful you look?

Just a minute, Mary.

Laurel, into the closet.

What do I say to him?

Nothing. Just look at him.

Greta, you're on.

Come on. Alice, ready? Oh, Barry, get
hold of yourself. We have bad news for you.

You'll have to call off the show.

You girls are nuts. I'm going in there.

It was awful. It was awful.
Laurel had an attack of old age,

right before our very lives. At
56, they can go to pieces any time.

You girls are nuts.

An hour ago, she was
gorgeous. Now, get out of my way.

All right.

But prepare yourself for
the shock of your life.

Okay, Laurel, you're on.

I'm ready then. What happened?
Oh, it happens all the time, Barry.

Sure, didn't you read Lost Horizon? One
second she was young, the next she was 200.

All right now, girls, come off it.

What happened?

Where's Laurel? The Laurel.

Barry, Barry, I'm terribly sorry. Oh,
don't blame her, Barry. It's all my fault.

You see, I thought she was
56, but she's really only 20,

and by the time I found out, it was
too late to do anything about it.

Did you say 20?

Yes.

Do you hate me very much?

Here's how much I hate you.

But what about the show?

Who cares about the
show? For the last week,

I've been in love with a
girl I thought was 56.

You have, Barry?

That's why I didn't say anything.

But now that I know she's 20...

Oh, there's an awful lot I can say.

Come on, Laurel.

Well?

There goes a million
dollars right out the door.

How can you talk like that
when I have a broken heart?

It'll match your bones
when I get through with you.

Oh, good morning, girls.

Loco, you'll kill yourself.

Besides, it's 7 o'clock in the morning.

What's the idea of waking us up?

Haven't you learned yet that
you can't stay young forever? Oh,

I've forgotten about that.

I'm just in training so that the next
millionaire I meet won't get away. I mean,

well, if I can't be smarter than him,

I'm making sure that at
least I'll be stronger.