Original subtitles

Yacht race, sport of the tycoons.

How could you get in on it?

Well, you could travel as a stowaway.

You could shell out a million bucks for a two-masted

little number and make yourself the captain.

I could go as the captain's mate.

I've heard of a bosun's mate.

How do you become a captain's mate?

Simple.

You marry him.

I don't see how you guys expect to find a millionaire in Greenwich Village.

Isn't that where all the artists live? That's the place. But artists are so poor.

Most of them start out that way, but many of them become famous after they're dead.

Isn't that a little late to be thinking of marriage?

Local, dear, we're not going down there for artists. You see, it's my shift, Mike.

Honey, let me spell it out for you.

When a man has more money than he knows what to do with, all the yachts he can use,

limousines and mansions, he usually starts collecting art.

And if a man is interested in paintings,

it's up to us to get him interested in the frames.

Are you with us?

I guess so.

Good girl. Let's go. A free art exhibit, free refreshments, and on top of that,

we'll be rubbing elbows with Rembrandt and Picasso.

Funny names. But who cares, so long as they have money.

Well, this is it, girls.

How do you tell the millionaires from the artists?

The ones that need haircuts. Uh-oh.

The ones that need haircuts are what? Get with it.

I say, my dears, isn't it magnificent?

Superb.

Make a swell calendar.

Ah, that is the one. Oh, definitely, yes.

Oh, this one.

Oh, how inspiring. I just adore landscapes.

Ooh, and so natural.

It almost looks real.

You're looking out the window.

She usually wears glasses, but... There's some prettier ones over there.

Let's look.

Let her track her own. Come on.

Such composition. Breathtaking.

Positive. And those eyes.

Really?

Eyes?

No, no, my dear. I'm talking about you.

That face.

Oh, such suffering.

Well, my shoes are a little tight.

All my life I've waited for this.

I must put you on canvas.

Canvas?

No, no, I want to paint you. I must paint you.

Oh, you're an artist.

I'm considered a master.

Gee.

Come, we must go and work at once.

My studio.

Where are we going?

Oh, but I... Oh, you will live forever, a vision in oil.

In oil?

This is the day I've lived for. Oh, I could die.

This is working out beautifully.

We not only haven't found anyone, we've lost Loco.

Well, let's go get some refreshments. We lost Loco,

but we may be able to eat ourselves even. Hold it. Another prospect.

Raphael?

No, I don't believe so, my dear.

Oh, excuse me, that's about a telly.

Why, yes, of course.

I'm very partial to the old masters myself.

How interesting. We were just saying, Miss Hanson and I,

how much we adored the old masters. Yes, so much more than the young masters.

Well, it appears we have a great deal in common.

If I may, I'm Arthur Barnes.

Delighted, Mr. Barnes. This is Miss Greta Hansen, and I'm Miss Mike McCall.

How do you do?

Yes, Botticelli's one of the greats.

Now, when it comes to the cubist and surrealist paintings... Yes?

I detest them.

Just the way we feel. Terrible. Can't stand them.

Well, I'm glad to hear it.

So many people these days try to defend modern art, but... Look, I'll show you.

Now, there's a painting.

A perfect balance of light and shade with the vibrant

colors in juxtaposition to one another.

Uh, yes.

I believe they're serving references in the other... This is true genius.

Each stroke executed with infinite care.

Well, say, why don't we... It has everything.

If you care to join... Line.

Composition.

Nice. What's she got that we haven't? Him.

Hugo.

Yes?

I really should phone Mike and Greta to let them know where I am.

No time for that. I am inspired. And when Hugo is inspired, nothing must stop him.

Yes, Hugo. Oh, what a setting.

Hugo, this dress you gave me is a little... Oh, there, now it's all right.

I'm ready.

Miss Jones!

I tried to tell you my own dress would look better, but you insisted I wouldn't.

You are beautiful!

In this?

Your hair.

I just had it done this morning. It cost me a fortune.

Oh, it's terrible.

What are you trying to do?

Now!

Now you are gorgeous. If only I can capture that deep,

underlying suffering in your eyes.

Well, Hugo, you keep talking about suffering, but I feel fine.

Think of something sad.

Not quite.

That's better.

It is?

I'm ready.

Are you suffering, Hugo?

Oh yes, I feel wonderful.

Hugo!

Go away, I'm busy.

Have you got the rent money?

Please, not what I'm creating tomorrow.

I've heard that for the last six months.

That's true, but today I found a subject that will bring me immortality.

How do you do?

Out.

Out? That's how I do.

How dare you speak like that to a genius?

A talented genius, too. Five minutes to get out of here, both of you,

and take this junk with you. Junk? Or I'll call the police.

Don't let her bother you, Hugo. I think it's beautiful junk.

Junk? Better she'd shot me dead.

Oh, you poor thing.

An artist gives to the world his life's blood, and what happens?

He gets thrown out into the gutter like a bum.

Oh, well, I've done some of my best paintings there.

No, I won't let you paint in the gutter.

After all, it is outside work.

Wait, you can finish your paintings at our apartment.

Oh, I can always build a little fire with scraps of paper.

I'm sure Mike and Greta won't mind.

When the push carts come by, maybe an apple will fall off the cart in orange.

Oh, stop it, Hugo!

But someday, a rich man will come along and recognize my genius.

Oh, we'll put a cart in the living room,

and you can stay until you sell all your paintings.

And he will offer to become my patron, but I shall refuse. Refuse?

Hugo never accepts charity.

How far is your apartment?

I can't understand what happened to Loco.

Maybe she decided to take another look at that landscape and fell out of it.

More likely, she's having champagne in some art connoisseur's mansion.

Mike, it's here.

What?

Arthur Barnes. He's listed in Who's Who. No kidding?

Oh, and we let him get away. It figures.

Arthur Barnes, financier, sportsman, world traveler, art collector.

Why don't we call him up and invite him over to see our art collection?

Now, there's a neat switch.

Mr. Barnes, we'd like you to come up and see our etchings.

Wait a minute. What art collection?

Oh, I've thought of one.

Mrs. Teasley's in 4B.

Greta, Mrs. Teasley is in Europe.

Besides, what's she got to do with paintings?

She's got a whole slew of them. Uh-oh.

She loaned them to some art museum before she left.

Mm-hmm.

But I heard the manager say they were returned this morning.

And they're just what Mr. Barnes goes for. Paintings of the old-timers. Old masters.

Hello?

This is Miss Hanson. Would you ask Jesse, the

elevator boy, to come up right away, please?

Jesse Flug reporting. A Mr. and Mrs. Glendon checked in at 7.

A Mrs. Davidson and her daughter at 9. Two old maids at 11. And that's it.

No eligible bachelors.

Oh, Jesse, don't be like that.

Mike and I just want to have a friendly little chat. How about a cold drink?

Now, listen, girls, I got the weekend off. I was just ready to leave,

and if it's all the same with you, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

Jack, whom did we promise the job of skipper when we get our yacht?

And whom are we going to let be chief pilot of our own private plane?

And whom did we promise the job of exercising our polo ponies? And whom?

Okay, okay.

What do you want, uh... Whom to do to whom.

You're a doll. It's very simple, Jesse.

Now, all you have to do... Oh, boy.

Okay?

Wonderful, Jesse. We'll never forget you.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off if you did.

Well, okay, girls.

I'll see you the first of the week.

Thanks a lot, Jesse. Okay. Bye. Bye.

Well, you have lovely taste, girly.

Yeah, it might come in handy when I'm fixing up my prison cell.

We're only borrowing them, Greta, for the love of art.

Art Barnes, that is.

That's right.

Art Barnes is really the kind of man you could go for, even if he didn't have money.

True, but we must be broad-minded.

We can't let a couple of millions stand in our way.

I guess we'll just have to put up with it.

Oh, hello?

Mr. Barnes, please.

Speaking.

Who?

Oh, at the art exhibit this morning.

Mr. Barnes, Miss McCall and I would like to

have you over this afternoon for cocktails.

We've just unpacked our art collection and we... What?

Oh.

Oh, there's something.

There's Holbein and Gainsborough and... No, no, no, that's not the artist's name.

Franz Hall.

Which one?

Senior.

Just name it, we have it.

That sounds like an amazing collection.

Yes, I'd be glad to come.

Oh?

Oh yes, I know the building well.

Around five then. Fine, Mr. Barnes.

Bye.

It works. Eureka! Let's get with it. We need some refreshments.

It works. Come on.

Sorry, sister. We saw him first.

Well, here we are.

How do you like it?

Oh, it's all right if you don't mind luxury.

The girls must have picked up some bargains at the art gallery.

Oh, Hugo, I thought... Where are the rest of my things?

Oh, I forgot. I'll go get them.

I'll get some extra blankets from the floor mate.

I'm sure you'll be comfortable on the couch.

Oh, I think I shall manage.

Ah, hot boilers, charlatans.

Oh, sorry.

Mrs. Teasley, you're back. Yes, dear, I'm back. Did you have a nice trip?

Delightful, simply delightful. Oh, you'd better get these out of the hall.

I picked up some rare old paintings to add to my collection. Oh, yes,

I acquired some magnificent works.

You and your charming friends must come over as soon

as I get my other pictures back from the museum.

Oh, but I guess the cultured world of art wouldn't appeal to you girls.

Oh, no.

We have a collection of paintings ourselves.

Uh-huh.

Well, we really do.

You ought to come over and see it.

Perhaps I will sometime.

I know.

You don't think we have much of a collection.

Well... You're going to be in for a big surprise when you see it.

I can imagine.

Well, it's been nice talking to you.

Oh, Miss Hassett. Miss McCall.

Why, Mr. Barnes.

I do hope I'm not too early.

Oh, certainly not.

Oh, allow me.

Oh, thank you.

You know, this invitation came as a very happy surprise.

I never thought I'd meet such charming young

ladies who'd be so interested in fine art.

Oh, you mean other girls don't have art? Thank you.

Well, not the ones I've met. They're more interested in doing the cha-cha-cha.

Did you hear that, Greta? Yes, but I guess there are girls like that.

You don't like, well, nightclubbing, dancing, etc., etc.?

Oh, yes, especially the etc., etc.

However, everything in its place, one must live a rounded life.

You're so right, Mr. Barnes.

Let's get on with round one.

Mr. Barnes, I just know you're going to love our...

Loco, what in heaven's name? I'm suffering, Greta. You're suffering.

Quiet!

These are your old masters?

Yes, Mr. Barnes. No, Mr. Barnes.

Mr. Barnes, we... Silence!

Now look, mister. Look, lady, I'm in the throes of creation.

Please, darling, a little more suffering.

No, not you suffering.

Now, wait a minute.

Nobody knows how to suffer these days. Look, my little one.

Girls, if you'll excuse me.

Oh, Mr. Barnes, don't go. Please don't go.

Sorry, but I have a feeling that I've been sort of taken in.

Oh, but Mr. Barnes, this isn't our art collection. Hello, go.

What happened to those pictures we had?

That trash.

I got rid of it.

You got rid of it?

Well, if you really want that old stuff, it's out there on the town.

Now we've got suffering.

Mr. Barnes, right this way. It's just a misunderstanding.

Oh, this is our collection.

Rembrandt?

Oh, fine. Well, this is more like it.

I'm afraid I owe you girls an apology.

Oh, I'll get it.

This is like painting in Times Square.

Good evening, dear.

I thought... I'm suffering.

That fish doesn't appear to be in a state of ecstasy.

Come on in.

I'm anxious for you to see our art collection, Mrs. Teasley.

How is that for a collection, Mrs. Teasley?

Revolting.

What?

This is nothing but garbage.

Oh, she's just teasing Hugo. She really loves Modern Hour.

She's just putting it on.

How dare you call my masterpieces garbage? That's my opinion.

Well... Mrs. Teasley, if you like that old hat

stuff better, we have some of that, too.

Old hat stuff? We have a whole collection of it out there.

Come on, I'll show you.

Oh.

These are really pictures that are pictures, not just cheese, Lee.

Oh, it's so nice to have you. I watch your trip anyway. Oh,

did you visit any of the scans?

Laughing Cavalier.

Oh, yes.

Oh, so you do have some other paintings.

Oh, I must say, that's a very nice copy.

Yes, isn't it? I'm sorry, madam, but that's the original. No, my boy, that's a copy.

Oh, well, it's an original copy.

I don't want to be stubborn, madam, but that is the original painting.

You're not only being stubborn, but slightly ridiculous as well.

I own the original.

You do?

Well, that's very odd. I could swear that this was the original.

Well, that's quite a natural mistake. After all,

in this day and age, they're very clever.

But this is the original. Well, imagine that.

Two original paintings of the same picture in the same building.

These are all originals.

This is my collection.

Well, Mrs. Teasley... I'd better be going.

Oh, Mr. Barnes, wait.

Mr. Barnes, please don't go. If you'll stop and wait a little while,

we'll explain everything. You know, there are other things.

I mean, we have some champagne.

Champagne?

In this phony setting, it'll probably be soda pop.

Good afternoon.

Mrs. Teasley.

Oh, Mrs. Teasley. This is a matter for the authorities.

But first, I'll call the manager. Oh, Mrs. Teasley,

please don't call him. Please don't.

Oh, he doesn't know anything about art. Hello? Give me the manager.

Don't move.

Hold it.

Never mind the manager.

What?

This is the face I've been seeking.

I don't understand. Such beauty, such grace, such elegance.

Me? I must capture this vision on canvas.

You must?

Your face, my talent, the combination the world has been waiting for. It has?

Say that you pose for me. Say it.

Oh, this is the most joyous day of my life.

Being penniless, I... You won't have to worry about that.

I won't? When it comes to art, Alma Teasley isn't the one to skip.

Now, you come to my apartment and we'll discuss terms.

I'll pick up the pictures later, girl. Who needs suffering?

Well, girls, it wasn't a complete loss. It wasn't.

No.

How do you want it?

Baked, broiled, or fried?

Oh, how about a dog show?

There's one going on today at the Blue Ribbon Kennels.

No, thank you. We attended a dog show once,

and those dog fanciers never gave us a second look. Those poodles kept upstaging us.

I remember.

You lost out to a cocker spaniel.

Thanks. Now go lie down behind the stove.

Oh, listen to this.

Greenwich Village was happily celebrating today as one of their own, Hugo Wenzel,

won first prize at the Inter-Manhattan Art Exhibit with his entry... I'll get it.

Why, Mrs. Teasley, come in. Thank you.

We were just reading about Hugo winning first prize at the art exhibit.

Congratulations. What do you mean, congratulations?

Well, you posed for him, didn't you?

Oh, and how I posed for him. Eight days and eight nights.

Look, he calls it the mackerel and the lady.

It's the most horrible thing that's ever happened to me.

Oh, there, there, Mrs. Teasley. It isn't so bad. I don't mind about the picture,

but the fish is mentioned by name, and I'm just the lady.