All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E12 - The Bird Man

The big fight. The ring's
mightiest gladiators slugging it out

for the most highly prized
award in the world of sports.

The championship. The
championship worth millions.

But cauliflower ears are
so unbecoming to girls.

There's a much gentler way to millions.

Well, come on, lady. Tell us.

You can marry them.

This is the plush apartment
of the Binky Colders. Bon

vivants, dilettantes, and coupon clippers.

Gathered here tonight are
more eligible bachelors in the

90% bracket than you can
shake a revenue agent at.

They're just waiting for some clever,
ingenious girl to make them pop the question.

And here we are in our popping
clothes. How are we doing, kids?

Oil.

Steel. Fish canneries.

We'll check later. Mike, is it a nice
party? Oh, go on, local. Take a quick look.

I wouldn't have missed this for
the world. I'll see you later.

Sure, I'll still love you when
you're a redhead. My mother's a redhead.

Great party, Banky. Where's the missus?

Oh, she's around, being charming,

but let's not spoil the party
by talking about our wives.

Brooks, this is Genevieve.
It's her last week as a brunette.

You tell them all about it.

Can you get this on its seat, please? Why?

I'm Tom Harris.

Just got into town, and Brooks
Davis said... Oh, Brooks mentioned it.

Yeah, yeah. Meet Archie.

Hi. Oh, come on in. Meet some of the
girls. If I stay right here by the bar,

I'm bound to meet them all.

Yeah, I'll go and find Brooksie.

He's around somewhere with
some red-headed brunette that...

Scotch and water, please.

Archie? The same. Make it, sir.

Look, boss, these aren't
my kind of people. Let me

wait for you in the car,
huh? Relax, Archie, relax.

I was more relaxed when we were
in a foxhole in Korea. All right,

so I came home and inherited a
million dollars and you inherited nothing.

Economically, you're my
chauffeur, but socially, we're pals.

Now go ahead and enjoy
yourself or I'll fire you.

That's the way you want
it, huh? The way I want it.

Now that's close.

Tom Harrison.

Just think, if I'd ordered a
zombie, we'd never have met.

Oh, I just thought of
something else. I'm clever.

I'm Greta.

Can't think.

Come on, Greta, we're waiting for you.

Oh, would you excuse me?

Oh, now don't forget, we
have a date tomorrow night.

We have.

When did we make it?

A thousand years ago, when I held you
in my arms at the foot of the Sphinx.

You win, Ramesses. The
number is Murray Hill 4-1598.

Uh, hello.

No, I'm looking for my roommates.

Thank you.

I suppose they'll find me.

Oh, I hope not. For another
five minutes, anyway. Well,

I'll need that time to
make a date with you.

Well, let's synchronize
watches. We mustn't run into overtime.

Actually, we're old friends.

We met a thousand years ago,
and I held you in my arms.

Here I am, a lonely
bachelor in the big city,

sitting in my lonely
penthouse night after night.

Not even the phone
number to call and say hello.

I'm great at hellos. Murray
Hill 4, 1598. Murray Hill 4, 1598?

That's right.

You must meet my
roommates, Greta and Loco.

You know, you're a strange breed.
Here I want to make a date with you,

and you want me to meet your
roommates. Now, is that healthy?

Well, the girls and I
have a non-poaching pact.

You met me first, you're stuck with me.

Yeah, well, I admire ethics.

Tell me, your friend Greta,
blonde, blue eyes, about your height?

You know her?

Never saw her.

You said that you
admired ethics, Mr... Dick.

Dick Trotter.

Dick Trotter.

I couldn't find Brooksy,
Tom. The name is Dick.

What am I doing looking for Brooksy?

He doesn't know Dick.

Genevieve, I'm so glad you
dyed it red instead of blonde.

I'll talk to you there tomorrow.

Bye. All right.

Oh, I'll have another.

You're in rare form. Yes, didn't they?

Bartender, do you have an aspirin?

I have a dreadful headache.

Well, in your case, it could
only be a beautiful aspirin.

I'm whipping up something much better.

Try this instead of asking.

My papaya juice flip.

Oh, I can't drink papaya
juice. I never liked it.

Even when I was a little
girl, I didn't like papaya juice.

I could never get used to papaya juice.

Well, this is a very good brand.
I bought the company last week.

How's your headache?

Oh, much better.

From now on, instead of aspirin,
I'll carry a can of this in my bag.

Do you put out a smaller
size for evening wear?

I'm Loco Jones, Mr., uh... Uh, Harry.

Harry, um...

Hey, Gallop, I'll call you tomorrow.

Oh, but you don't know my number.

It's Murray... Murray Hill 4159.

How do you know?

Well, you told me a thousand
years ago when I held you in my arms.

I didn't remember.

Yes, I thought I told you, but I
didn't think that... Say, Dick!

Ah, please, please, the name is Harry.

Girls, that's one of the
best parties I've ever

been to. Oh, what a
night. Not one, not two.

But three millionaires.

Wait till you see Tom.
He's a real yum-yum.

The moment I saw Dick, I knew he
was the yacht, caviar, and polo type.

I can hardly wait for you to meet Harry
so you can tell me what he looks like.

What else had just occurred to me?

Tom? Tom?

Dick, Harry, perfect.

Oh, this must be it.

You're right. We have a very bright
future. Brighter than you think. Tom.

Harry.

I'm afraid I bored you
talking business all evening.

Oh, but it's the way you talk business.

Most of the fellows I go out with
don't care whether I understand or not.

But you do, and I like you for it.

Even if I don't understand you either.

You're okay, Logo.

Come on up and meet my roommate, Harry.

No, no, no, some other night.

I have to be down at the docks in an
hour meeting a boatload of papayas.

I've been telling them about
how smart and wonderful you are,

but I'd be so proud if
they'd learn it from you.

Well, some other night.

Anything you say, Harry.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, a real daffodil.

Having a great time, huh, boss?

If the bookie didn't have
all my dough, I'd punch

you right in the nose. And I deserve it.

Such nice kids.

I'm telling you, boss, you can't
take all three girls out forever.

You better get out.

But I don't want all the
way out. Just two-thirds.

I like loco.

Yeah.

I like that third, too.

So trusting.

Leaves every lie a telling.

Yeah?

That's just the kind of a girl for me.

Yeah, Archie, she sure... I
mean, for you, boss, for you.

Somehow, I'll drop Mike and Greta
without too much of a bounce, I hope. But how?

Oh, I told you.

When?

A thousand years ago. Come on.

Make yourself comfortable.

Dick, you can close the door.
The room is air conditioned.

Come on in.

That's a nice layout.

Well, these are my
roommates. You'll love them.

Loco and Greta.

You three are real cozy-cozy, aren't you?

We're three girls. We
show our claws now and then,

but you'd be amazed how often
we all like the same thing.

No, I wouldn't.

Be one of the girls.

Come on in, honey. I want
you to meet Dick Trotter.

Always curious for doors, Lee.

Thought this one led to a fire escape.

Take care of it.

How are you, local?

How do you do, Mr. Trotter?

It's a pleasure meeting you. Oh, that
darn carpet. I always catch my heels.

I didn't think you two would ever
meet. Lucky you came home early, honey.

Luckiest evening of my life.

Well, it's been a grand experience,
and I think I'd better run along.

Oh, no, I promised you coffee, and
coffee's what you'll get. Loco, take his hat.

Yeah, I could use some
coffee. Make it black.

I'll help you.

Oh, boy, he's nice, isn't he?

Awfully jumpy, though.

Hi, Greta.

Tom, I thought our date
was for tomorrow night.

Yeah, well, it is, it
is. I just got here early.

Better early than late, I always say.

But you're 16 hours early. Huh?

Well, that's all right. You're forgiven.
Oh, well, good. Look, I'll just freshen up.

Why don't you sit down here,
Tom? It'll only take a minute.

Somehow, I'll drop Mike and Greta
without too much of a bounce, I hope.

I'm going to go get my
glasses and take a peek at him.

You know who's out there.

That double-crossing,
thieving weasel, Tom Harrison.

Yeah, he came in with Greta.

I've been avoiding that ape, and
now I have to meet him here. Well,

if this is your idea of a joke, I'm
not laughing. Oh, Dick, I had no idea.

The Harrison's and the Trotters
have been feuding for generations.

Bang, bang, bang, bang. Our
grandfathers fought a duel over a girl.

Blood, blood, blood.

Nothing but blood.

His grandson is in there. You better
hold me back. Oh, Dick, please don't.

Thanks, honey. Well, so
far he's lucky. I've managed

to hold myself in
chapters. No blood on your carpet.

Well, I've...

You have no right to ask
this fellow to stay away.

Your girlfriend likes
him, but I can stay away.

So, goodbye, Mike.

Tom? Tom? Tom?

You didn't even say goodnight.

Yeah, well... Well, I guess
I... Well, you know, I just...

I was too angry to say
goodnight. I stepped into your kitchen,

and who do you think was there? That
double-crossing, thieving Dick Trotter. Yeah,

he was there with Mike and locals.

For years I've been avoiding that ape,
and now I have to meet him here. Well,

if this is your idea of a
joke, it's a very poor one.

But I didn't even know
you knew Dick Trotter.

The Harrisons and the Trotters
have been feuding for generations,

and now his grandson is in there.

You better hold me back.

Oh, well, never mind. It's not my
right to ask this guy to stay away.

Your girlfriend likes you, but
I can stay away. So, bye-bye.

The craziest thing just happened to me.

You should have heard
Dick Trotter in the kitchen.

Well, you should have heard
Tom Harrison at the elevator.

Dick had a fight with me,
only he did all the fighting.

And all on account of your Tom.

He is no longer my Tom.

And all on account of your
dick. Oh, of all the stupid luck.

We have to go and meet two fellas whose
grandfathers went bang-bang. Imagine,

still a-feudin', a-fussin' and a-fightin'.

Mike? When you think of the odds
against this. I didn't see you kiss Greta.

And according to Dun & Bradstreet, there
are 743 millionaires in New York City.

And if Mike didn't kiss you,
what's her lipstick doing on your chin?

That's Tom's lipstick. Honey,
honey, this is no time for trivia.

Will you go get the coffee, please?

Maybe we could get the two fellas
up here together for dinner and...

That is my lipstick! Wait a sec.

Let's start this from the beginning.

Tom kissed you.

And Dick kissed me.

And it's a cinch. Dick
didn't kiss Tom. Tom.

Dick.

Harry. I have a weird feeling. Here.

Dick about six foot one.

Tom have a wonderful smile.

Honest blue eyes.

Dimples.

Gee, he sounds beautiful. I hope
Harry looks like that. He does.

All the miserable, underhanded, sneaky,
conniving, triple-crossing, inhuman. Oh!

Oh!

What are we angry about? Tom, Dick,
and Harry are one and the same man.

Why?

If he married us, that'd be, that'd
be trigamy. He has a phone in his car,

and I'm going to call him up
and tell all three of him off.

What I've got to say to him will
burn the tread right off his tires.

And you can tell him from me that
our date for tomorrow night is off.

Are we daffing?

Look, kids, this is basically a
nice guy. What are we going to do,

hate him because he acted like a bachelor?

Yes.

Oh, come on, Greta. You
like him. You know you do.

You can't help it with that character.

Sure. I kind of hate to hate him.

Why should you? You're still in his book.

But you have a date with him
tomorrow night, haven't you?

Uh-huh. And the night
after that, and the night

after that night. Mike's got something.

It's destiny.

She took you and Tom by the hand and
linked you together. Oh, don't fight it.

Relax, Tallulah. You're hypnotizing her.

It's unanimous.

He likes you. Ergo, what happens
when a bachelor likes a certain girl?

Five years later, he tells
her they're not meant for

each other. She's right.
This boy's a butterfly.

Tomorrow night, we net him.

Now, here's what I have in mind.

Tom will propose to Loco if we play
our cards right. So tomorrow morning,

we've got to do some fast shopping...

Oh, it's almost 8 o'clock. Now, do you
remember what you're supposed to say? Sure,

sure. It's nothing to worry about.

Well, come on. Let's go over it once more.

Now, this is the couch.

And that is the
direction of the front door.

Oh, but don't open it. Just yell, come in.

Now, here's the sherry
with the two glasses.

Can't we at least turn on a
lamp or something? Oh, honey,

no man ever proposed under an arc light.

Oh.

Hello?

Welcome. I'm in the lobby. Hey.

Can you come up, please, Harry?

Well, Archie has the car double parked.

Something terrible has
happened, and I'm all alone.

Well, where are your roommates?

They're gone.

Now take it easy, honey, take
it easy. We'll be right up.

Oh, come on, what are we waiting
for? Let's go. Hey, what am I doing?

They were supposed to
be out last night, too.

I'll go up.

I mean, I'll go up.

Well, you go up. I
couldn't survive another shock.

Don't worry, boss. I'll
take care of everything.

Now, is everything clear?

The minute he proposes,
you... Oh, the cigarette box.

Now, when we hear the music,
we'll start the champagne flowing.

Now, don't be nervous.

Oh, you have a cold. I thought
your voice sounded different.

Uh-huh.

I don't feel so good myself.

Sit down, and I'll tell you all about it.

Well, no, it's getting late, and
I... You see, my two girlfriends...

For all I have in the world, we're
both tossed aside by their boyfriends.

They were in love, deeply.

Oh, that's rough. That's real rough.

And now I'm all alone in
the world. I have nobody.

I'll get you somebody. Oh, don't leave me.

Not bad.

You were afraid she'd foul things up.

Oh, what do I do?
Please. Oh, hold me. Hold me.

Oh, darling, I've wanted you to do this
ever since I first met you. You have?

Oh, and how I've wanted to do it.

Charlie, then you do like me a little?

Like you?

Maybe even love me?

Oh, I do, I do, I do.

I'm all alone in the
world, and you love me.

Do you have any suggestions?

Have a cigarette!

Bingo!

Oh, sweetheart!

Well, we're browsing through Dun &
Bradstreet to find our next millionaire.

Oh, if you're wondering how that
Tom, Dick, and Harry caper turned out,

we can show it to you very fast.