Original subtitles

The big fight. The ring's mightiest gladiators slugging it out

for the most highly prized award in the world of sports.

The championship. The championship worth millions.

But cauliflower ears are so unbecoming to girls.

There's a much gentler way to millions.

Well, come on, lady. Tell us.

You can marry them.

This is the plush apartment of the Binky Colders. Bon

vivants, dilettantes, and coupon clippers.

Gathered here tonight are more eligible bachelors in the

90% bracket than you can shake a revenue agent at.

They're just waiting for some clever, ingenious girl to make them pop the question.

And here we are in our popping clothes. How are we doing, kids?

Oil.

Steel. Fish canneries.

We'll check later. Mike, is it a nice party? Oh, go on, local. Take a quick look.

I wouldn't have missed this for the world. I'll see you later.

Sure, I'll still love you when you're a redhead. My mother's a redhead.

Great party, Banky. Where's the missus?

Oh, she's around, being charming,

but let's not spoil the party by talking about our wives.

Brooks, this is Genevieve. It's her last week as a brunette.

You tell them all about it.

Can you get this on its seat, please? Why?

I'm Tom Harris.

Just got into town, and Brooks Davis said... Oh, Brooks mentioned it.

Yeah, yeah. Meet Archie.

Hi. Oh, come on in. Meet some of the girls. If I stay right here by the bar,

I'm bound to meet them all.

Yeah, I'll go and find Brooksie.

He's around somewhere with some red-headed brunette that...

Scotch and water, please.

Archie? The same. Make it, sir.

Look, boss, these aren't my kind of people. Let me

wait for you in the car, huh? Relax, Archie, relax.

I was more relaxed when we were in a foxhole in Korea. All right,

so I came home and inherited a million dollars and you inherited nothing.

Economically, you're my chauffeur, but socially, we're pals.

Now go ahead and enjoy yourself or I'll fire you.

That's the way you want it, huh? The way I want it.

Now that's close.

Tom Harrison.

Just think, if I'd ordered a zombie, we'd never have met.

Oh, I just thought of something else. I'm clever.

I'm Greta.

Can't think.

Come on, Greta, we're waiting for you.

Oh, would you excuse me?

Oh, now don't forget, we have a date tomorrow night.

We have.

When did we make it?

A thousand years ago, when I held you in my arms at the foot of the Sphinx.

You win, Ramesses. The number is Murray Hill 4-1598.

Uh, hello.

No, I'm looking for my roommates.

Thank you.

I suppose they'll find me.

Oh, I hope not. For another five minutes, anyway. Well,

I'll need that time to make a date with you.

Well, let's synchronize watches. We mustn't run into overtime.

Actually, we're old friends.

We met a thousand years ago, and I held you in my arms.

Here I am, a lonely bachelor in the big city,

sitting in my lonely penthouse night after night.

Not even the phone number to call and say hello.

I'm great at hellos. Murray Hill 4, 1598. Murray Hill 4, 1598?

That's right.

You must meet my roommates, Greta and Loco.

You know, you're a strange breed. Here I want to make a date with you,

and you want me to meet your roommates. Now, is that healthy?

Well, the girls and I have a non-poaching pact.

You met me first, you're stuck with me.

Yeah, well, I admire ethics.

Tell me, your friend Greta, blonde, blue eyes, about your height?

You know her?

Never saw her.

You said that you admired ethics, Mr... Dick.

Dick Trotter.

Dick Trotter.

I couldn't find Brooksy, Tom. The name is Dick.

What am I doing looking for Brooksy?

He doesn't know Dick.

Genevieve, I'm so glad you dyed it red instead of blonde.

I'll talk to you there tomorrow.

Bye. All right.

Oh, I'll have another.

You're in rare form. Yes, didn't they?

Bartender, do you have an aspirin?

I have a dreadful headache.

Well, in your case, it could only be a beautiful aspirin.

I'm whipping up something much better.

Try this instead of asking.

My papaya juice flip.

Oh, I can't drink papaya juice. I never liked it.

Even when I was a little girl, I didn't like papaya juice.

I could never get used to papaya juice.

Well, this is a very good brand. I bought the company last week.

How's your headache?

Oh, much better.

From now on, instead of aspirin, I'll carry a can of this in my bag.

Do you put out a smaller size for evening wear?

I'm Loco Jones, Mr., uh... Uh, Harry.

Harry, um...

Hey, Gallop, I'll call you tomorrow.

Oh, but you don't know my number.

It's Murray... Murray Hill 4159.

How do you know?

Well, you told me a thousand years ago when I held you in my arms.

I didn't remember.

Yes, I thought I told you, but I didn't think that... Say, Dick!

Ah, please, please, the name is Harry.

Girls, that's one of the best parties I've ever

been to. Oh, what a night. Not one, not two.

But three millionaires.

Wait till you see Tom. He's a real yum-yum.

The moment I saw Dick, I knew he was the yacht, caviar, and polo type.

I can hardly wait for you to meet Harry so you can tell me what he looks like.

What else had just occurred to me?

Tom? Tom?

Dick, Harry, perfect.

Oh, this must be it.

You're right. We have a very bright future. Brighter than you think. Tom.

Harry.

I'm afraid I bored you talking business all evening.

Oh, but it's the way you talk business.

Most of the fellows I go out with don't care whether I understand or not.

But you do, and I like you for it.

Even if I don't understand you either.

You're okay, Logo.

Come on up and meet my roommate, Harry.

No, no, no, some other night.

I have to be down at the docks in an hour meeting a boatload of papayas.

I've been telling them about how smart and wonderful you are,

but I'd be so proud if they'd learn it from you.

Well, some other night.

Anything you say, Harry.

Good night.

Good night.

Oh, a real daffodil.

Having a great time, huh, boss?

If the bookie didn't have all my dough, I'd punch

you right in the nose. And I deserve it.

Such nice kids.

I'm telling you, boss, you can't take all three girls out forever.

You better get out.

But I don't want all the way out. Just two-thirds.

I like loco.

Yeah.

I like that third, too.

So trusting.

Leaves every lie a telling.

Yeah?

That's just the kind of a girl for me.

Yeah, Archie, she sure... I mean, for you, boss, for you.

Somehow, I'll drop Mike and Greta without too much of a bounce, I hope. But how?

Oh, I told you.

When?

A thousand years ago. Come on.

Make yourself comfortable.

Dick, you can close the door. The room is air conditioned.

Come on in.

That's a nice layout.

Well, these are my roommates. You'll love them.

Loco and Greta.

You three are real cozy-cozy, aren't you?

We're three girls. We show our claws now and then,

but you'd be amazed how often we all like the same thing.

No, I wouldn't.

Be one of the girls.

Come on in, honey. I want you to meet Dick Trotter.

Always curious for doors, Lee.

Thought this one led to a fire escape.

Take care of it.

How are you, local?

How do you do, Mr. Trotter?

It's a pleasure meeting you. Oh, that darn carpet. I always catch my heels.

I didn't think you two would ever meet. Lucky you came home early, honey.

Luckiest evening of my life.

Well, it's been a grand experience, and I think I'd better run along.

Oh, no, I promised you coffee, and coffee's what you'll get. Loco, take his hat.

Yeah, I could use some coffee. Make it black.

I'll help you.

Oh, boy, he's nice, isn't he?

Awfully jumpy, though.

Hi, Greta.

Tom, I thought our date was for tomorrow night.

Yeah, well, it is, it is. I just got here early.

Better early than late, I always say.

But you're 16 hours early. Huh?

Well, that's all right. You're forgiven. Oh, well, good. Look, I'll just freshen up.

Why don't you sit down here, Tom? It'll only take a minute.

Somehow, I'll drop Mike and Greta without too much of a bounce, I hope.

I'm going to go get my glasses and take a peek at him.

You know who's out there.

That double-crossing, thieving weasel, Tom Harrison.

Yeah, he came in with Greta.

I've been avoiding that ape, and now I have to meet him here. Well,

if this is your idea of a joke, I'm not laughing. Oh, Dick, I had no idea.

The Harrison's and the Trotters have been feuding for generations.

Bang, bang, bang, bang. Our grandfathers fought a duel over a girl.

Blood, blood, blood.

Nothing but blood.

His grandson is in there. You better hold me back. Oh, Dick, please don't.

Thanks, honey. Well, so far he's lucky. I've managed

to hold myself in chapters. No blood on your carpet.

Well, I've...

You have no right to ask this fellow to stay away.

Your girlfriend likes him, but I can stay away.

So, goodbye, Mike.

Tom? Tom? Tom?

You didn't even say goodnight.

Yeah, well... Well, I guess I... Well, you know, I just...

I was too angry to say goodnight. I stepped into your kitchen,

and who do you think was there? That double-crossing, thieving Dick Trotter. Yeah,

he was there with Mike and locals.

For years I've been avoiding that ape, and now I have to meet him here. Well,

if this is your idea of a joke, it's a very poor one.

But I didn't even know you knew Dick Trotter.

The Harrisons and the Trotters have been feuding for generations,

and now his grandson is in there.

You better hold me back.

Oh, well, never mind. It's not my right to ask this guy to stay away.

Your girlfriend likes you, but I can stay away. So, bye-bye.

The craziest thing just happened to me.

You should have heard Dick Trotter in the kitchen.

Well, you should have heard Tom Harrison at the elevator.

Dick had a fight with me, only he did all the fighting.

And all on account of your Tom.

He is no longer my Tom.

And all on account of your dick. Oh, of all the stupid luck.

We have to go and meet two fellas whose grandfathers went bang-bang. Imagine,

still a-feudin', a-fussin' and a-fightin'.

Mike? When you think of the odds against this. I didn't see you kiss Greta.

And according to Dun & Bradstreet, there are 743 millionaires in New York City.

And if Mike didn't kiss you, what's her lipstick doing on your chin?

That's Tom's lipstick. Honey, honey, this is no time for trivia.

Will you go get the coffee, please?

Maybe we could get the two fellas up here together for dinner and...

That is my lipstick! Wait a sec.

Let's start this from the beginning.

Tom kissed you.

And Dick kissed me.

And it's a cinch. Dick didn't kiss Tom. Tom.

Dick.

Harry. I have a weird feeling. Here.

Dick about six foot one.

Tom have a wonderful smile.

Honest blue eyes.

Dimples.

Gee, he sounds beautiful. I hope Harry looks like that. He does.

All the miserable, underhanded, sneaky, conniving, triple-crossing, inhuman. Oh!

Oh!

What are we angry about? Tom, Dick, and Harry are one and the same man.

Why?

If he married us, that'd be, that'd be trigamy. He has a phone in his car,

and I'm going to call him up and tell all three of him off.

What I've got to say to him will burn the tread right off his tires.

And you can tell him from me that our date for tomorrow night is off.

Are we daffing?

Look, kids, this is basically a nice guy. What are we going to do,

hate him because he acted like a bachelor?

Yes.

Oh, come on, Greta. You like him. You know you do.

You can't help it with that character.

Sure. I kind of hate to hate him.

Why should you? You're still in his book.

But you have a date with him tomorrow night, haven't you?

Uh-huh. And the night after that, and the night

after that night. Mike's got something.

It's destiny.

She took you and Tom by the hand and linked you together. Oh, don't fight it.

Relax, Tallulah. You're hypnotizing her.

It's unanimous.

He likes you. Ergo, what happens when a bachelor likes a certain girl?

Five years later, he tells her they're not meant for

each other. She's right. This boy's a butterfly.

Tomorrow night, we net him.

Now, here's what I have in mind.

Tom will propose to Loco if we play our cards right. So tomorrow morning,

we've got to do some fast shopping...

Oh, it's almost 8 o'clock. Now, do you remember what you're supposed to say? Sure,

sure. It's nothing to worry about.

Well, come on. Let's go over it once more.

Now, this is the couch.

And that is the direction of the front door.

Oh, but don't open it. Just yell, come in.

Now, here's the sherry with the two glasses.

Can't we at least turn on a lamp or something? Oh, honey,

no man ever proposed under an arc light.

Oh.

Hello?

Welcome. I'm in the lobby. Hey.

Can you come up, please, Harry?

Well, Archie has the car double parked.

Something terrible has happened, and I'm all alone.

Well, where are your roommates?

They're gone.

Now take it easy, honey, take it easy. We'll be right up.

Oh, come on, what are we waiting for? Let's go. Hey, what am I doing?

They were supposed to be out last night, too.

I'll go up.

I mean, I'll go up.

Well, you go up. I couldn't survive another shock.

Don't worry, boss. I'll take care of everything.

Now, is everything clear?

The minute he proposes, you... Oh, the cigarette box.

Now, when we hear the music, we'll start the champagne flowing.

Now, don't be nervous.

Oh, you have a cold. I thought your voice sounded different.

Uh-huh.

I don't feel so good myself.

Sit down, and I'll tell you all about it.

Well, no, it's getting late, and I... You see, my two girlfriends...

For all I have in the world, we're both tossed aside by their boyfriends.

They were in love, deeply.

Oh, that's rough. That's real rough.

And now I'm all alone in the world. I have nobody.

I'll get you somebody. Oh, don't leave me.

Not bad.

You were afraid she'd foul things up.

Oh, what do I do? Please. Oh, hold me. Hold me.

Oh, darling, I've wanted you to do this ever since I first met you. You have?

Oh, and how I've wanted to do it.

Charlie, then you do like me a little?

Like you?

Maybe even love me?

Oh, I do, I do, I do.

I'm all alone in the world, and you love me.

Do you have any suggestions?

Have a cigarette!

Bingo!

Oh, sweetheart!

Well, we're browsing through Dun & Bradstreet to find our next millionaire.

Oh, if you're wondering how that Tom, Dick, and Harry caper turned out,

we can show it to you very fast.