All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E08 - Society Mother

Safari, the trek into the jungles
of Africa, truly the hunt deluxe,

costing thousands of dollars.

How could you go on one
of these expeditions?

Well, you could be a guide leading the
way through the snake-infested swamp.

You could tote a heavy pack on your head
for miles in the blazing, merciless sun.

Or you could be a millionaire
sportsman and carry it in style.

I know another way.

What's that, lady?

Marry the sportsman.

¶¶

Anybody home? Oh, there
you are. Hi, Mike. Hi.

Rough day on the show?

Oh, the worst. Everything
went wrong. Oh, that bad? Yeah.

And to top it off, after rehearsal ended,

I accidentally got locked in the
isolation booth with one of the electricians.

Did he toss any questions at you?

Yeah.

Luckily, I knew all the answers.

How was your day?

Oh, the market was murder.

Motors went down four
points, and Milltown went up six.

Who's trying to bring
dinner home tonight? Locos.

I just hope she doesn't run into that
friend of hers like last time. You know,

that Billy what's-his-name who works at
the soda fountain. What a dinner that was.

Jelly beans smothered in licorice sticks.

The inlays are coming loose just thinking
about it. The sandwiches weren't too bad.

Hey, maybe tonight she'll...

Savo drugs.

Don't tell me that carbonated Lothario
catered dinner again tonight. Well, Mr.

Gruber at the market wouldn't
give us any more credit. Well,

at least it's not jelly beans again.

Oh, no. Billy really went all
out this time. Oh, come on.

Three peanut butter sandwiches,
and a pint of orange sherbert,

and a quarter-day old coleslaw.

Sounds like the blue plate
special. You mean Blue Cross.

Oh, these are for me.

Oh, hello, Mr. Blandish.

Good evening.

Mr. Blandish, the innkeeper.

Did you get our check for
the three months back rent?

Why, did you send it?

No, I just thought we might get lucky.

Now, girls, I hate to be a pest about
such a small matter as three months back rent,

but, you know, I have to
answer to the owner of this place.

He keeps breathing down the
back of my neck, so what can I do?

Well, you could turn your collar up.

Now, this is my last warning, girls.

You have that rent by the end
of the week, or out you go.

Oh, but Mr. Blandish... The
end of the week, or out you go.

Well, don't worry.

A few more dinners like this and we
may not live till the end of the week.

I guess our expenses have
been getting out of hand.

Chief, we'd only think of some...
Well, that week flew by in a hurry.

I'll get it.

How do you do?

Here's Miss Loco Jones.

That's me.

I'm Robert Crowder of
Honeywell, Browning, Barnett & Crowder.

You are?

You better look again. Those other
fellas must have stayed in the elevator.

Here's my card. This should explain.

Now, is everything clear?

Oh, yes.

Yes, perfectly clear.

What is it, Logo? This
gentleman's here to see me.

This is his card.

Honeywell, Browning, Barnett, and
Crowder, attorneys at law. This is Mr. Crowder.

The other fellows are
still in the elevator.

Won't you come in?

Yes, thank you, thank you.

I'm Mike McCall, and this is Greta Hansen.

How do you do?

Hello. May I take your hat?

Oh, yes, please.

This way.

Well, this is a pleasant surprise.

I was expecting Miss Jones to be a
little old lady with white hair.

Oh, I tried platinum once.
That's almost white, you know.

But I had to change. Boy Scouts kept
helping me across the street. Local.

I had plenty of trouble
with the Scoutmasters, too.

Mr. Crowder, would you like to sit down?

Oh, yes, yes. Thank you, thank you.

What's this all about?

I have what could be some
important news for Miss Jones,

but first I must verify a few facts.

Is Loco Jones your legal name?

Yes, it is.

Where were you born?

North Platte.

That's in Nebraska.

That checks.

Date of birth?

February 25th, 1900. Oh, that checks.

What's that?

You have proof of birth.

Proof?

Oh, gosh, I was only a baby
at the time. Oh, dear, Mr.

Crowder just wants to know if
you have a birth certificate.

Thank you, Miss McCall.

Oh, sure, I have a birth certificate.

That'll be all the proof we'll need.

Now, Miss Jones, does the name
Anna Dudley mean anything to you?

Anna Dudley?

She's a distant relative of yours.

She is?

Yes, a cousin through
marriage twice removed.

Anyway, Anna Dudley passed away
six months ago in Portland, Oregon.

Living in a state
running into the millions.

Wow.

And you mean Loco was
mentioned in the will?

There was no will. That's why I'm here.

You see, our law firm has
been conducting a search,

and we're of the opinion that Miss
Loco Jones is the only living relative.

What did you say? Would
you mind repeating that?

You heard it right.

Congratulations, Miss Jones. You are
the sole heir to several million dollars.

Oh, Loco, honey, we're so happy for you.

Loco?

Loco, dear?

What's the matter?

She fainted.

But her eyes are open.

That's the way she faints. Lobo?

Where am I? In Clover.

What happened? You're a
millionaire. That's silly. I can't be.

I'm a girl.

There are girl
millionaires, too, you know.

Sure, Barbara Hutton, Doris Duke, Lassie.

And now, Loco Jones.

Oh, we can pay the rent.
Rent! We can buy the building.

All we have to do is
get these papers signed,

and we'll start the legal wheels turning.

Miss Jones, you give me your signature,
and the money will soon be in your hands.

I'm afraid you'll have to
wait for that signature. What?

She's done it again. Coco? Coco?

Oh, good morning.

Good morning, Your Majesty.

Oh, cut it out. And how is our young
heiress today? I couldn't get to sleep.

I kept thinking about how rich I am.

Well, why didn't you count
sheep like you always do? I did,

but every time one of them
jumped over the fence...

She lost her diamond earrings.

There, there, dear.

Don't worry about it.

Tomorrow we'll go out
and have all their little

ears pierced. Better get some coffee.

You know, I feel funny
about this whole thing.

I don't think I should take the money.

What?

After all, I didn't even know this woman.

And my mother always used to tell me,
never accept gifts from strangers. I mean,

this is different. The money is
yours. Besides, you're famous.

Look at the morning paper. There's a
story about you on the front page.

Woman gives birth to twins in taxicabs?
No, no, dear. The story is over here. Gee,

they even have my picture in.

Let's face it, Mama Warbucks, you're rich.

You mean we're rich.
Anything I get, we share.

Well, that's very
generous of you, honey, but

I absolutely won't hear of it. I insist.

Not only are we going to share,

but we're going to share and
share and share and share. Well,

you drive a hard bargain. Oh, I feel
so wonderful this morning. Say it.

Why don't we all go out
and celebrate? Yeah, let's

all go out and buy a new dress. New dress?

Fur coat.

Fur? Sables and minks for everybody.

Mom, shall I have James
bring the limousine around?

Don't be silly, old girl.

We'll call up Brinks and have them
bring over a convertible armored truck.

We'll ride with the top down.

Jesse, are you still in there? Yes, ma'am.

Well, put them right over
there, Jesse. Yes, ma'am.

May I take your coat, Miss Hanson?

Oh, just a few minutes more, Irene.

Miss McCall, your Coke? Oh, it's
a little chilly in here, Irene.

Miss Jones?

My, you ladies seem to have
made quite a few purchases. Yes,

we bought out Fifth Avenue. Yes, and
tomorrow we go to work on Sixth and Seventh.

My, oh my, if this keeps up,
next week you'll be in Jersey.

Oh, Mr. Blandish, come in.

Good afternoon, ladies.

That peasant is here for the rent again.

Oh, not at all, not at all. Well,

I didn't come up here to
discuss petty financial matters.

I just want to know, have you
been getting enough heat at night?

How's the maid service been?

Elevator service?

How's the mail service? Do
you have any complaints at all?

Well, the elevator squeaks.

Well, I'll have it oiled immediately.

Give me sips.

Thank you.

Anything else?

Well, sometimes we can hear the
people beneath us walking around.

Well, I'll put in wall-to-wall
carpeting. That'll make it quiet.

Anything else?

That new couple that just moved in next
door are yelling at each other all night.

Well, I'll get them a marriage counselor.

Anything for my three favorite tenants.

Mr. Blandish, we're not so sure
we're going to stay here anyway.

We'd like to look for a
place with a little more class.

A place where the manager
doesn't run up every few

minutes on a squeaky
elevator to ask for the rent.

Who said anything about
rent? I don't want the rent.

I wouldn't take it now if
you were to offer it to me.

I don't understand.

When you don't have
money, everybody wants it.

When you do have money, nobody wants
it. Gosh, he certainly has changed. Yes,

remember how nasty he was a
couple of million dollars ago?

Maybe we should move out of this tenement.

Yeah.

Look at a country estate way
out on Long Island. Long Island?

But how would we get
to work every morning?

Work? We've got three million
dollars. Let's not be pigs. We're quitting.

We'll send each of our
bosses a telegram right now. Gee,

do you really think we
ought to quit our jobs? I mean,

before we get the inheritance money?

Oh, stop worrying.

Mr. Crowder said you'd
have it any day now.

And if the lawyer tells you
the money is yours, it's yours.

Look, believe me.

If I tell you the money
is yours, it's yours.

I just can't believe it, Mr. Bronson.

The papers all said it was this
Loco Jones who inherited the money.

Well, it was hers until
you showed up, Mr. Bronson.

Gosh, it's gonna be an
awful shock for that poor girl.

I can't get over it. Me and my buddy
were out in Utah staking uranium claims.

I didn't even know Anna Dudley died
till I saw this story in the paper.

Maybe you can help clear
up a mystery, Mr. Bronson.

With all that money, why do you
figure your cousin didn't leave a will?

Well, she just didn't
trust lawyers, that's all.

Well, I guess you could
say she was eccentric.

Well, if it'll make you feel any better.

Mr. Bronson, I hope you'll
forgive me for mentioning this,

but for a man who's inherited
over $3 million, you, uh, well,

you don't seem very excited about it.

Why should I be? We just made
five million out of uranium.

Kids, I just gave Jesse the telegrams to
send to our bosses. We've quit our jobs.

Yippee, we can sleep
till noon. No more work.

Girls, I just had a thought.

What?

I mean, uh, what, Loco? Is there an
unemployment office for millionaires?

Just think, Loco.

This will be your
first party as an heiress.

I'm so excited.

Loco?

Oh, uh... Loco?

What?

I don't know whether
it's the new style or not,

but you're putting
mascara all over your glasses.

I wondered why it was
getting so dark in here.

Just too well it's gonna
be here tonight anyway.

Oh, a small select group.

People from Wall Street,
society, all the fashion shops.

Oh, how wonderful.

Girls, our little shindig tonight
is going to make Elsa Maxwell's

last party look like the
spring prom at the Bowery Mission.

Everybody having a good time? Oh,
go ahead and eat. We're loaded.

And so you see, we're going to buy two
yachts, one for saltwater and one for fresh.

Well, it is neater that way.

Attention, everyone.

Let's all drink a toast to the
three prettiest girls in New York.

And to the girls with the prettiest
figure in town. Three million dollars.

Hey, Greta, how about a little music?

Righto.

Good idea. Got a mambo?

Ooh, coming up in two shakes.

Oh, somebody at the front door.
Turn it off, will you, George?

It must be some
society reporter. Excuse us.

Oh, it's all right, Irene.

Oh, Mr. Blandish.

I don't remember your
name on the guest list.

Oh, I'm sure it wasn't.

Now, girls, I don't mean to intrude,

but it is my duty to report a
complaint about too much noise.

Well, we told you to fix
that squeaky elevator.

Oh, I took care of that.

But old Mrs. Hastings across the hall,
she's been complaining about your party.

She's mad enough to have puppies.

She better not. You know
what the lease says. No pets.

Will you just tell Mrs. Hastings
to go ahead and have her puppies?

Because we've decided to move after all.

We simply can't be bothered by
a fretful, rent-hungry manager.

Oh, now, girls, you got
me all wrong. Oh, I see

you have another guest
arriving. Come in, sir.

It's Mr. Crowder, Loco's lawyer.

The man with the money.

Quiet, everybody. The man with the
money's here. Come in, Mr. Crowder.

And draw up a check and sit
down. May I fix your place?

No, no, thank you. Miss Jones, I have
something very important to discuss with you.

Could I speak to you in private?

Oh, go right ahead.

Well, Miss Jones, it's
about the inheritance.

Well, that's all right.
We're all friends here. Yes,

I'm sure we'd all like to see what a
few-million-dollar check looks like.

Well, I'm afraid there
isn't going to be any check.

Oh, well, cash will be all right.
Would you please make it in bills?

I have a very small change
purse. Just a minute, local.

Mr. Crowder, what are you getting at?

I regret to say I have some very bad news.

A closer cousin of Anna Dudley has come
forth, and according to law, has priority,

and is entitled to the entire estate.

What?

What?

What? This can't be possible.

The local must be entitled to
at least part of the estate.

No, the law is very
specific on this point. You see,

this cousin is a blood
relative, and when there's no will,

a blood relative takes precedence
over a relative through marriage.

I feel terrible about this, but
unfortunately, Miss Jones isn't entitled to a penny.

Just a minute.

What about my back rent?

And who's gonna pay me for all
this food that you ordered, huh?

Those furs you charged this
morning will weigh $20,000.

You owe me $15,000 for that jewelry
you're wearing. Everything goes back.

No leaving nothing
here. Take everything back.

I cannot take
everything, but this you can keep.

You have two days till the end of the
week, and you'd better have that rent.

Now I have to go across the hall
and apologize to Mrs. Hastings.

But, but Mr. Blandish.

How's Loco?

Out.

Did you see them run?

It's the first time I ever saw
rats desert a sinking penthouse.

Loco?

Loco?

What happened? Where am I? Among friends.

The ex-millionaires of Penthouse G.

Now we're in great shape.
We've got more bills than ever.

Our jobs! I forgot about
those telegrams and our quitting!

Oh, yeah!

Gee, it's a good thing we
didn't buy those two yachts.

Now what?

I'm sorry to trouble
you at a time like this.

Oh, no, not more bad news.

I'm afraid so, but if you
want me to send these telegrams,

you've got to come up with $3.50.

You didn't send those telegrams?

Oh, I didn't get a chance to before
this, and now, after what's happened,

I'm afraid I've got to
cut off your credit.

But you didn't send
them. Oh, you wonderful man.

All right, all right, I'll come up with
a three-fifty. I'll send the telegram.

At least we've still got our jobs.

Well, goodbye.

Oh, Jessie.

Thank you so much.

Well?

What do we do now?

Loco, you better call up
Billy at the drugstore. What for?

Maybe he'll send up some more
peanut butter sandwiches. No!

Good afternoon, ma'am.

I'd like to see the
young lady who was mixed

up in that big
inheritance, Miss Loco-Jones.

I'm Loco-Jones, and I just
don't care to discuss it.

My name's Jeff Bronson.

I came to talk to you
about a little money matter.

Please.

We don't want to be
bothered about money. Goodbye.

Do we have to send all these
things back? Just keep wrapping.

The last time I did this much
wrapping, I got a dollar an hour for it.

Who was that local?

Oh, just another
fortune-hunting character.

Said he wanted to see me about a
money matter. Did he miss the boat?

Oh, everything's gone wrong.

What a mess.

And we owe it all to a fellow by
the name of Jeff Bronson. Who?

That name ought to be engraved on
your empty bank book. Jeff Bronson.

That blood cousin that beat
you out of all those millions.

Oh, my gosh, I forgot. What?

Well, that... that
fellow I just threw out.

He said his name was Jeff Bronson.

Dear Miss Jones, sorry you
didn't give me a chance to explain.

I came here to share my
good fortune with you. Oh, no!

But living in a fancy layout like this,

it's plain to see you
don't need the money anyway.

Lots of luck and nice almost knowing you.

Jeff Bronson.

Oh, gosh, girls, I... Grant?