All language subtitles for How To Marry A Millionaire - S01E06 - Its a Dogs Life

This is the Sphinx.

For thousands of years,
the enigmatic expression of

this creature has puzzled
all who have passed by.

Perhaps the Sphinx knows where the
Nile begins or where the heavens end.

What is the secret of the Sphinx?

I know the secret of the Sphinx.

Well, come on, lady. Give.

It's how to marry a millionaire.

What a wonderful place
for your vacation, Mike.

Gay Paris.

A man in vichyssoise on every corner.

Gee, I'd like to go to Rome.

It's got everything.

The Colosseum, Sistine
Chapel, Rosano Brasi.

Well...

That does it.

I have exactly $517 that I
can spend on my vacation.

There goes Paris. There goes Rome.

On $517, there goes the rest of the world.

You know, Las Vegas should
be full of millionaires.

Yeah, but they're all
too busy gambling. And

at Lake Placid, they're too busy skiing.

And at Miami, they're
too busy water skiing.

I want a place where I can get a man to
sit still long enough for me to catch him.

What about a rowboat in Central Park?

You've got it!

Loco, I take back every mean
thing I ever said about you.

You are a genius!

Positive genius.
What'd I say? What'd I say?

Rowboat, water, cruise.
Aren't millionaires always

going on cruises? That's a wonderful idea.

Loco, I step aside.

You can be Mike's maid of honor.

Gee, I'm glad you girls are so happy.

But what's so wonderful about a
cruise in Central Park? Well...

There's our luxury South Sea
cruise on the Stella Tahiti.

It's roughly $3,000.

Couldn't you smooth it out to around $500?

We may have to book you
on the Hoboken Ferry.

Come now, don't you
have anything for $500?

Hello?

Yes.

Yes.

Well, thank you.

You are in luck, Miss McCall.

We've just received a last-minute
cancellation on our stellar Nassau cruise,

and I've been advised to sell
passage at off-season prices.

Is it a nice room?

Yes, yes, it's on a deck.

And it comes to just $515.

Well, you've just signed a
passenger. And you've got $2 left over.

I always like to leave my
customers with mad money.

Now, just remember,
keep your eyes peeled for

the big tippers and the diamond cufflinks.

Don't waste your time on the middle class.

Welcome aboard, ladies.
May I see your reservations?

Oh, I'm the only one that's going.

Miss McCall, cabin 12, deck 8.

I never knew this ship had a deck A.
This must be deck A. It should be,

but on this ship we do things differently.

This is deck F. Oh,
what does the F stand for?

First deck, naturally. Now,
if you'll follow me, please.

Cheer up, Mike. You may
find some sunken treasure.

Well, here we are.

Deck A. Are we still above
water? That's what the A stands for.

Above water.

I bet you just can't
wait to see your cabin.

I can wait.

This is either the largest closet
or the smallest cabin in the world.

Gosh, a cabin with wall-to-wall
luggage. Well, I'll be going now.

Oh, I'd advise you to leave
yourselves enough time to get ashore.

Oh, we'll have our
periscopes up to see the signal.

Well, bon voyage.

Are you all right, Mike?

Fifteen minutes in a decompression
chamber and I'll be as good as new.

This program sounds sensational.

Well, it should be a
wonderful trip. Here's to you, Mike.

Oh, we better have some
music. Excuse me, Mike.

All the shore that's going to shore,
visitors will please leave immediately.

All the shore that's going to shore,
visitors will please leave immediately.

Oh, and on the last night
is the captain's dinner.

To you, Mike, may you come back with a
smile on your face, a tan on your back,

and a ring on your finger.

Five carrots.

One for each finger.

Loco, honey, when you're
drinking champagne, don't talk.

And if you feel like
talking, drink champagne. Look,

I don't want to get rid of you kids,
but I really think you should be going.

Oh, don't worry, Mike. They always
give you plenty of warning. Sure, relax.

You know, I'm beginning to relax already.

I can almost smell the sea breeze.

I know what you mean.

I can almost feel the spray.

I was going to say you were
imagining things, but you know,

I feel a little damp myself.

And she got to see moral cattle.

Girls, you like New York?

What a silly question. Of
course we like New York.

We love New York.

New York's our home, and
we never want to leave it.

Well, you've left it. It's
not even in sight anymore.

What do we do now, Mike?

Well, I'd say the first thing
is to find a nice, large tower.

Girls, I know I should be making all
sorts of apologies, but I'm just plain hungry.

Well, at least eating
isn't going to be a problem.

On a ship, you can order
anything you want. Hello?

Give me room service, please. I
know just what you girls like.

Room service?

This is Miss McCall in A12. I'd like
to have dinner served in my cabin.

Oui, Miss McCord. But may
I suggest order lightly,

because we are running
into some very rough weather.

Oh, I intend to.

Now, I'll start out
with a shrimp cocktail.

Shrimp cocktail? Good.

Vichy sauce.

And Caesar salad.

Forget the salad.

Make it a food cup.

And shop liver.

And then I'll have a T-bone
steak and some broiled lobster.

Oh, and some fried chicken.

You know I hate chicken.

Forget the chicken.

Forget the chicken.

Make it lamb chop.

And then for dessert,
I'll have a Napoleon.

One Napoleon and And a
glass of buttermilk.

And a glass of buttermilk.

Miss McCall, how could I
possibly forget your order

when you have ordered
everything on the menu?

Some orange juice, a
half a grapefruit, a couple

of soft-boiled eggs, some French toast.

Oh, and you better add some pancakes.

Yes, and some shredded
wheat and stewed prunes.

No, you can skip the cream.
You think I want to get that?

All right, Mike.

The kitchen's convinced you
have a tapeworm. What happens now?

How can we meet any men if we have
to stay cooped up in this state room?

We'll just have to take separate turns
going on deck, as Mike McCall. Excuse me.

Don't tell me you're seasick already. No.

We're all the same height and coloring.

And with this picture hat
and Loco's dark glasses,

I think we can just get away with
it. Where are your glasses, Loco?

Here.

Oh, I can't see a thing. Oh, there
must be something wrong with your eyes.

I can see perfectly with them.

You are Miss McCall, aren't you?

At this point, I'm not too sure.

Oh, it's you, Stuart.

Yes, well, Miss McCall, we're running
a little ping-pong tournament, and Mr.

Prentiss is mine as a partner.

Oh, and who is Mr. Prentiss?

I don't know.

Could be one of those schoolteachers
touring the Caribbean in search of old sponges.

Oh.

Well, not being an old sponge, I'm afraid
Mr. Prentiss will have to remain minors.

I can't tell a
ping-pong from a sticky wicket.

It's only me? Boy, all I ran across
were school teachers looking for sponges.

Maybe you'll have better luck, Greta.

Ah, Miss McCall, there you
are. I thought you went below.

Miss McCall, somehow you
look a little different.

Well, I'm a very unusual girl.

I change my personality every hour.

But does your voice change, too?

Oh, well...

At noon, I play it stark and tragic.

Oh, then perhaps you've
changed your mind about ping pong.

I haven't changed my mind in 15 years.

I'm mad about ping pong.

You are?

I was girls' inner scholastic chair.

Somehow, I didn't get that impression.

I'll enter you in the tournament.
This will make Mr. Prentice's trip.

Yes, indeedy. Oh, it's all right.

It's your turn, Loco. But
watch out for the steward.

He's trying to push
everybody into ping-pong games.

I want to introduce you to
your partner, Mr. Prentice.

Well, it ought to be fun
playing ping pong with you.

Oh, thank you.

I... Ping pong?

Oh, I've never played
ping pong in my life.

But you were interscholastic champs.

I flunked Jim.

Mr. Prentice, I'm terribly embarrassed.

Miss McCall, if I were you,
I'd lie down for a while.

What's the matter with him?

Oh, never mind him. Let's talk about you.

Herbert!

What is all with you? What?

You look just like you
swallowed your passenger list.

It's just that one of
the passengers has made up

her mind to drive me
back. You're complaining.

Oh, but there is a lady
aboard this ship who's

made up her mind to give me a rapture.

This is just a launch.

Look.

It's enough for three people. Well, some
passengers eat enough for three people.

Her name wouldn't be McCall. Yes.

But how did you know?

Never mind.

I'll save you a rupture and
deliver this tray myself. Miss McCall?

I've brought your lunch.

Just a minute.

Hello, Miss McCall.

Hello.

You certainly got down from deck quickly.

I travel fast.

But do you travel alone?

If Napoleon had had this food for his
army, Russia would be French today.

I don't think you'll find anything in
your size. What are you looking for?

Just a routine search. We expect
to hit an iceberg in 20 minutes.

Now, where's the
flunted gym, Miss McClough?

I just had the dream, isn't
there? We've got a date for tonight.

Now, isn't this cozy?

I don't know if the
Greeks had a word for it,

but I'm sure the captain will
have plenty. After you, ladies.

We'd been better off if
they'd put us in chains.

Now I'll never be able to
keep my date with Mr. Prentice.

And he's so nice and rich.

Maybe if Mike took my place down here.

Even if Mike were willing to change
from a passenger to a galley slave,

she could never get past that Captain Bly.

Shh, here he comes now.

You dame's a dragon. Get that
batch into the washer right away.

All right, you girls, get
moving with that ironing.

Maybe we could stir up the
crew and have a small mutiny.

Greta, somebody said a
wig to be washed. Oh, Loco,

don't be a jerk. I feel
hair. Now I feel a nose.

You almost gave me a cheat nose job.

Ike, what are you doing here?

Well, they wouldn't let me in to see you,

so I remembered how
Cleopatra got to Caesar.

You've come to free me so
I can meet Mr. Prentice.

No, I just got a little worried
over you developing dishpan hands.

I'm developing a dishpan face.
I'm very thoughtful of you, Mike,

and as long as you're here, you can
change places with me. Now, just one minute,

sweetie pie. I didn't spend $515
to stick my head in that wash tub.

Of course.

You want to live a little.

But we've probably lost our
jobs. And the rent isn't paid.

But we can always find bunks at
the YWCA. And beg for our food.

Please.

Don't make me the heavy.

Oh, no.

We just look up to you.

You're the smartest.

And you know it isn't easy meeting a
nice, wealthy man like... What's his name?

Mr. Prentice.

Mr. Prentice.

Well...

I know I'm going to hate
myself in the morning, but come on.

Straight ahead there.

See?

No.

Now I see.

Tote that bar, lift that veil.

We'd be better off to land in jail.

You're a good worker, kid. I
haven't seen your face for days.

Watch this one through,
will you? It's a special one.

Look who better get this millionaire.

She's going to have to pay
for my nervous breakdown.

Well, look who's here. It's awfully
good of you to visit the help. Well,

I don't have to meet Mr. Prentice till
lunch, so I thought I'd give Mike a rest.

You mean I have two whole hours to act
as a passenger? Oh, don't be sore, Mike.

Everything is working out
so well. They'd better be,

because we dock tomorrow and I
still haven't seen the ocean.

Take these shirts to cabin
F-14 and don't dally on the way.

Oh, I never dally, sir.

F-14. Here, take this
to the purser's office.

What happened to my friend?

I sent her to cabin F-14. Mr.
Prentiss wants his shirts in a hurry.

Mr. Prentiss!

Oh, my God!

Sorry, Captain Bly, this is mutiny.

Don't ask any questions.
We've got to save a marriage.

Shirts?

Wet wash?

What are you girls doing here?
This is Prentice's cabin. Now,

if you want to be his bride and
not his maid, let's get out of here.

Pick up the feather, Phoebe.

Well, is this a party?

Oh, no, sir. We were just
delivering your shirts.

All three of you.

Well, it's a new ship's
policy. We work in teams.

I'm the supervising. Dust that, Fifi.

That's fine, before I get out of your way.

I have to get ready for a
very exciting luncheon date.

I almost forgot. We just
dusted Miss McCall's cabin,

and she asked me to tell you that she'd
be about five minutes late for lunch.

I'd wait five years.

Well, I don't wonder. I've
seen all the passengers,

and she's the prettiest
girl on board. In fact,

there's nobody as
beautiful as Mike McCall.

Upholster that bolster, B.B. I agree.

But after lunch, I'm afraid she's
not going to want to see me anymore.

Not want to see you, Mr. Prentice?

Oh, I can't believe that. I'm afraid so.

She has some sort of idea
that I'm a millionaire.

Well, you're traveling
first class and tipping big.

So I am, but how do you
think she's going to feel when

I tell her the truth that
I've been saving ten years

to take this trip and I
earn $93 a week as assistant

manager for a French
hand laundry in Brooklyn?

How do you think she's
going to feel about that?

You see, there's no answer.

I guess I'll go up on
deck and jump overboard.

Rise, Phoebe. You've done it again.

Please don't be sore, Mike.

Why should she be sore?

She likes spending her vacation in a
smelly boiler room washing dirty clothes. Oh,

gosh. Do you think Mr. Prentiss
is really going to jump overboard?

Well, you better stop him.

Stop him? I'm going up and jump with him.

You know, I think Loco and I
were born under a lucky star.

Our bosses had a sense of
humor and didn't fire us.

My boss thinks I'm daffy.

He can't understand how I can come back
from a vacation more tired than when I left.

I fell asleep three times
during dictation today.

Well, I'm going.

Well, that's a sweet girl. On your way to
do our wash? No, on my way to Brooklyn.

Mr. Prentiss is such a gentleman. He's
offered to do our laundry free of charge.

See, the cruise wasn't a total loss.