Original subtitles

Still at large.

The fugitive is known to be a... Cloudy with a 30% chance.

Wide male. I'm thinking, God, 180 pounds, something like that.

He had a buckle.

Various body parts in his wake.

Please...

I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake. Bake the cake, bake the cake.

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake. Hot you do, hot you do, hot you do.

Had you dropped me a letter, I'd have hired a band. Brandest band in the land.

Drop me a ladder, I'd hire the band.

I don't know where you've been, but it really doesn't matter.

Grab a chair and fill your platter and dig, dig, dig right in.

If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake, hired a band.

Goodness sake, if I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake. How'd you do that?

Hot you do, hot you do.

Parking lot? I'll give you a parking lot.

So that's some dense forest over there.

All this is going to be parking lot. Cars, cars, cars. Yeah, I see.

What do you envision for this area over here?

Well, you give me a backhoe in 20 minutes,

it'll look like a baby's butt all over there.

Hey, do you work out?

I've been told to lift a few weights. Hmm, I see. Yeah, but hey, all right.

Car's over there, and truck's in the back,

and then we'll just clear all that area out.

More asphalt over there.

I want it flat. Flat?

Yeah. Well, over there will be flat. Yeah.

Mostly over here will be wooded area with trash.

Did you put this down here?

Giddy up! Cars over there!

Trucks over there! Asphalt as far as you can see. I'm a pony. I'm a pony.

I love it. Then I told Paul Todd, you're just jealous because I've got a life.

What did Stolich say? Nothing really. What could he say?

Well, I'll see you at biology.

Okay. 17 to the right, 24 to the left, and back to

8. That's your combination. What are you doing?

I want to talk to you. I'm going to be late for biology. Well,

I saw you cheating in Mrs. Barefoot's Spanish class,

and you don't even speak Spanish.

So what business is it of yours, dickhead?

It's my business when your grade affects the curve, and I'm not a dickhead.

I know that.

So what?

And I also know that you've been smoking in the bathroom with Tracy Thorpe,

and they weren't cigarettes either.

And you know what? Last Tuesday, when you were supposed to be at bridge class,

then you didn't go to bridge class, then you went out to the lake,

and you were at the Shelly Lake with a lot of hounds for three hours,

and then you told your mom you forged her name on a sick note.

And you know what else?

Then you were in the bathroom with pepper and you were throwing up.

And I'm going to tell on that too. You know what?

The acid from your stomach takes the plaque off your teeth.

That's why your hair's so thin.

You're such a retard, Rufus. God, what do you want with me anyway?

You're such a tattletale. Why don't you take the weekend and grow up?

I will grow up.

When you stop wearing your older sister's tops and going for lunch off campus,

you're not a senior, and you don't have a permit. You should stay on campus.

You better shut up. You're going to get me in trouble.

No, you're getting yourself in trouble. I'm just telling on you.

That makes a lot of sense.

Well, I want to go to your surprise party.

What surprise party?

Never mind.

No, is someone having a surprise party for me?

Yeah, Karen Hooper on Friday, and everybody's going to go, except me.

Wow.

Yeah, they're going to have a mariachi band, and they're going to have tiki lights,

and then I heard that they were going to have a bonfire, too.

Well, maybe I shouldn't tell you. I'll get you in trouble.

I think I'll go to class now.

No. How could I invite you if it's supposed to be a surprise?

But you know now, so it's no longer a surprise.

Hello, Principal Daniel.

Hey, Rufus.

Miss Curtis, I'd like you to report to my office immediately.

But I'm going to be late for biology.

You'll be late for graduation.

It seems that you, Miss Cronus,

and some of your comrades were threatening Miss Stepina with heavy machinery,

and you know she's hypoglycemic.

The heavy machinery is not to be operated by anyone

not affiliated with the construction club.

The construction club. You're wrong.

She was with me. This is Kathy Cronus. She wasn't Kathy Karana.

She wasn't me. Is that so, Rufus?

Yes, it is.

It appears I was erroneous in my accusations.

Well, in any event, you two ought to scuttle off to

class before you find yourself in very deep water.

Oh, and Rufus, I'll see you this weekend.

Ew! Wow, that was 3%, huh?

Thanks, Dreyfus. Hey, that's no problem.

Why don't you come to my party, okay?

Well, okay, I don't guess I have anything that

I need to do. Well, where are you going now?

I'm going to blow up biology and hang out in the bathroom and do some whippets.

Do you want to come?

Yeah, please.

Jim.

No, James, I can't. Hey, come on, we need you in there.

Not again.

That patient died, but you didn't kill her.

Then I'm not gonna stand here and let you tear yourself apart.

Tear myself apart, that's easy.

It's putting people back together that I'm having

a little trouble with. Jim, you're not a doctor.

You're an orderly.

You clean up after surgery, that's all.

We're a team in there.

Right.

Your job is to clean up after the team makes a mess.

Well, this old boy, he ain't got it no more.

It's time he pack he bags and go.

James, it's over.

If it's over because you want it to be over, I'm glad.

But if it's over because you believe you had something

to do with the death of that patient,

you're wrong. You just clean up a bucket, some water.

What are you saying? It's not my fault?

Not at all.

God, James.

What happened?

What happened?

We doctors were removing a clustiotoma from Miss Putney's head.

And when you left to empty a wastebasket for two minutes, we lost the patient.

How is that in any way your fault?

So what are you saying? If I hadn't left, she would have died anyway?

She would have died whether you were in the room or not.

You have absolutely nothing to do with the operation.

Sometimes we even forget you're in the room.

Yeah, right.

You know, you wake up after a few years and you think you're this great orderly.

But you're not.

Is it just some crazy, crazy dream?

No.

But you gotta understand that just because you clean up after a war,

that don't make you a doctor.

Nothing's real if you don't believe in who you are.

If you don't believe in yourself, it's over, you're done.

That's not it. That is it. Why don't you tell me the truth? The truth?

All my life, I've wanted to be part of the correct team of specialized doctors.

But I didn't want to go to school for the training. It seems so hard and boring.

It was. I knew it.

You think it's easy being a doctor?

Every day people come to me and they tell me that they heard.

And I have to tell them why they...

Now, you got it made. You got everything but the truth. Now, what's the truth?

Damn it! You can't handle the truth!

Try me!

I'm afraid, all right? You want to hear me say it?

You want to break me down? All right, I'm afraid.

You're a scared little orderly.

Look, I know what I am, okay?

You don't know the first thing about being a doctor.

You don't.

And when that room is clean and all of us doctors stop cheering your name,

it's just gonna be you and your bucket.

Now, Dr. Wisnett thinks you clean up real good.

I think you clean up real good.

But you gotta think you clean up real good.

And if he dies? If he dies!

Then at least he dies without any blame going to the orderly.

And I know you can live with that.

You know, I think you're right.

Of course I'm right.

Let's see if I got this straight.

Doctor?

Where's the doctor?

And the Lord spoke to Adam, saying,

I shall make you master of all that walks on land or swims in the sea.

But he never said anything about what crawls.

Who are you talking to, Daddy?

Oh, no one. Eat your lentils for Daddy.

You kill a ladybug, that's bad luck.

Or the ladybug.

What's that noise?

Sounds like they're blowing stumps over at Henchman's Gorge.

It's getting closer.

This is the place, I'm sure of it.

The man and his daughter were definitely here. Oh, thank God they're safe now.

Wait a minute.

Take a look at this.

Some sort of footprint or track.

Mountain lion?

Not likely.

What could it be?

Only one thing.

Who are you?

Professor Roman Harkati, Department of Agriculture. This is my daughter, Butler.

Hello.

As brilliant as she is beautiful.

This track was clearly made by Kokomoria Novitakai.

Speak English, man. What did you say made that track?

I could tell you, but you wouldn't be happy.

Then make me unhappy.

Only one thing in God's creation leaves a track like that.

The ladybug.

But in this case, one of horrifying proportions.

My God.

Good Lord.

Sweet Jesus.

The ladybug, also known as ladybird or ladybeetle.

There are more than 3,000 species of ladybug.

Though all have red chitinous shells and red and brown spots.

It's one of the most beneficial of insects.

Hot damn.

Holy cow.

Hells a-poppin'.

The tracks lead off... that way.

And that's what can happen if this giant insect becomes enraged.

Professor, what are the chances of this giant insect becoming enraged?

Not very good.

My beautiful daughter can explain.

Butler?

As you can see, this is where the ladybug was first spotted.

What a beautiful brain. Question.

Has it hovered menacingly over the stadium?

No, nor has it terrorized our schoolyards, marauded down Main Street,

or moved in any way that would indicate anything other than complete indifference.

The question is not whether it's dangerous, but how to destroy it.

Are we gods?

Have we the right to destroy what nature hath wrought?

You better believe it.

What is it now, Tareed?

Well, let's recap.

Seems we got a 60-foot ladybug squatting out in the field.

No threat of movement.

I say I'm your man to destroy.

But it's immobile.

That's a chance I'm willing to take. All right, who's with me?

Tareen! Tareen!

Tareen!

And that's what could happen if this monstrous insect unleashed its fury.

Professor, what are the chances of this monstrous insect unleashing its fury?

Trust me, that's not going to happen.

It's a ladybug.

I say we distract it and then go in before you kill.

Tureen, where's the army?

Army?

Well, when they heard it was a 60-foot insect, they were all excited.

But then when they found out it was just a big old ladybug, well,

that interest sort of waned a bit.

But I do have another idea. Yes?

Bring in the speakers!

All right.

Everybody!

Ladybug, Ladybug, fly away home.

Your house is on fire. Your children will burn.

Hold it, boy.

But still, we have to wonder, what if?

Hold it right there, Blaze! One false note and you're dead!

Well, well, well.

I seem to be caught. No funny business, Blaze! Funny business?

I'm helpless in the face of your terrifying weapons.

It's over, you homicidal maniac!

I surrender to your superior force.

It seems you are the victors. Keep your hands to your side, boys.

Like this?

Or would you prefer to put the cuffs on me?

I don't trust him. Look, just stay on your toes.

His men could be busting here any minute.

Men?

I have no men.

There's no way for me to escape.

Truly now am I closely mewed up.

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Watch him.

Watch him.

Let's just go in with an open mind.

All right, look, the only reason I'm doing this is because

your church requires counseling before we get married,

so let's just get it over with, all right? Hi.

I'm Gina. This is my husband, Marty.

Hi.

You're right on time. We were just making love.

I barely had time to pull my t-shirt down.

Come on in, please.

Which one's Marty? Ed.

I'm going to open a window. It's so humid in here.

That's a great idea.

It's awfully nice of you to have us over since

we couldn't make it to the group meeting.

So...

You two get paid for this?

We're volunteers.

We get paid in the coin of the spirit.

Have a seat, please.

All righty.

We can't stay long.

Ed.

We've been working on our presentation for six months.

In a row.

It has brought us a lot of joy.

We hope it brings you as much.

As you know, this week's meeting is about human sexuality.

It's about feeling comfortable with your body.

Because you only get one.

This is my body.

This is my body.

This is my body.

This is my body. It sure is.

Let's go.

Ed, it's sanctioned by the church.

Oh, your church knows about this?

Ed, it's required.

It's hard. We know it's a lot coming at you.

We lost a lot of people at the group meeting.

But that's okay, because it's not for everyone. But we know the power of it,

and we just want to help you get over that hump and just get it on.

All righty, why don't we just get it over with?

Let's move it along.

Ed.

We were under the impression this was going to be about a relationship with God.

It is. Sex is a gift from God.

I was 38 years old before I met Gina.

I had never touched a woman before.

I thought the seed of my loin was destined to dry up in the husk.

And then I met Gina.

And with God's help, we have found an active and loving

way to release our natural animal appetites.

I'm blessed with an abundance of facial hair, what doctors call lanugo.

I spent the first 36 years of my life living and denying my sexual hunger.

But Marty here, he was able to see through this thicket.

And I blossom like Venus's fly trap.

Our lovemaking is unimaginable.

I can't imagine it.

Sometimes I'll get a call at work from Tina.

Come home now.

And so I do.

I'll find a note on the door. It says, I'm somewhere inside.

Find me.

So I look in the living room. She's not there.

I look in the kitchen. She's not there.

Finally, I make my way to the back bedroom, step by step,

only to find Tina lying in wait, anointing herself with precious oils.

And emollients.

Talk about an afternoon delight.

As you can see, I'm unable to have children.

Whiskers, my little dog, is my baby now. And last Mother's Day, Wally gave me this.

It reads, world's greatest mommy. This is the greatest gift he could have given me.

What does this have to do with God? What?

They're getting to that, Ed.

You're going to get to the God part, right?

It has everything to do with God. Love is God.

The most important tool you can have in lovemaking

is to have mutual respect for your love mate.

God gives us sex as a means of enhancing, flavoring,

and enriching your sex so you can get it on.

Okay, Ed?

All righty.

I think we've learned enough.

Thanks for having us over. We're going to leave now.

It was awfully nice of you to have us over.

This counts, right?

We get points for this, right?

And remember, sex is a gift.

It's a gift.

A very precious gift.

And never use sex as a weapon.

Never try to get your way by holding out on your partner.

Because it's a hungry raccoon that turns over the trash.

Bye-bye.

I think that went well.

I love you, Marty.

I love you, Gina.

I really do.

All right, Blaze, are you going to talk?

What other choice do I have?

You caught me with my hand in the cookie jar.

Let's talk.

Who was working with you?

I worked alone.

Just a reminder, please.

This is a maximum security facility surrounded

by government troops, so no funny business.

There's that phrase again, funny business.

You law and order types seem awfully concerned that I'm going to get funny.

Are you going to deny your involvement in these crimes?

How can I?

I'm so clearly guilty.

Would you say as much in a written confession?

By all means.

Bring me a pen.

He's toying with us!

A cruel game of cat and mouse.

Call the general and tell him to keep the troops on alert.

Are you looking for an engagement ring? Then come see us at Guy Blondo Jewelers.

Guy Blondo Jewelers. I do.

Dominic!

You're burrowing a hole in the floor. What are you, a gopher? North, south,

with the grain on a circle.

Stop it!

We have a machine that we use when we get close to the wall.

An edger! You're digging grooves!

You're digging grooves.

No.

Wrong!

Incorrect!

Erroneous!

No! Stop!

Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off!

How is it possible that you've been working here for two

weeks yet you don't have a clue as to what you're doing?

He engraved his name on a sander. You defaced a sander.

That's a company machine.

When you have your own company, you can carve your name all over the place,

but this machine belongs to me.

Look, Dominic, I'm gonna have to let you go.

I'm sorry, but you can go now, Dominic.

Just you.

Goodbye.

Not a word. Go.

Go.

Go. Look, man, you did the right thing. The guy's completely incompetent.

We got more work done when it's just the two of us.

You know that?

I don't know, you know...

You can knock all day for all I care.

You're a menace to wood.

You know what I ought to do?

I ought to come out there and just... Hey, hey, hey, come on, relax.

Let's just give the guy another chance.

What are you talking about? Look at that divot.

That's going to take us all day just to finish that. I know.

A minute ago, you called him incompetent.

Look at that. That's pathetic.

No. All right.

It's all right, we'll just put a plant there.

All righty.

Hope you enjoyed that.

You want that wrapped up, or you want to... Please.

All right.

You know, the Romans had the right idea. The society was about order,

and they spent a lot of time at public baths.

Seeds?

When in Rome.

Hi, I'm Russell. Russell Bitts.

Mind if I join you?

Why, am I coming apart?

I'm Janice, Janice Hoax. I'd be delighted.

I like you. You're hip, you're young, you're eager. What do you do?

I'm a hydro engineer. I primarily work with dams.

Oops, my water broke.

Well, I'd see if I could find something to dam it up.

Can I buy you a drink, Janice?

Oh, please. Schnapps.

All right, what can I get for you?

I'd like a schnapps for the lady, and I'll have another frozen tiger.

Easy on the mint this time. All right.

You've got great teeth. I like them. They're pointy. They're sharp.

I find they come in handy when I'm eating meat.

A meat eater. I'm an LPN.

All righty, a schnapps for the lady and a frozen tiger for the gentleman.

Just put that on my card.

All righty.

I find you energetic.

I'm going kayaking tomorrow in the hills. Why don't you join me?

Why? Are you coming to park?

Excuse me, sir. Do you have another card?

Another card? Yes, sir. This one's been denied.

Embarrassing moment.

Quick lesson, it would appear that all the information on this card

is contained in these little numbers and fancy colors on the front,

but as far as the machine is concerned,

all the information is on this little strip, a magical magnetic strip,

so why don't you try it again?

In some country, monkeys have these jobs.

Good thing they hire the handicapped.

I can say that I'm a nerd.

It seems that when the machine read the little magical strip,

it learned that the card is no good.

Why don't I get this round, Russell?

No, I insist.

Is there a problem here, Sapporo?

Well, Mr. Staircase, this gentleman's card's been denied.

Please, don't scold him. It was my fault.

Apparently I've given him a task that was way beyond his capabilities.

Okay, I'll try this again, sir.

Sapporo, why don't you get that southwest crab claw sampler platter over to TP-10,

and then, I don't know, do some setups and marry some ketchups.

Yes, sir.

More seeds?

Please.

All this trouble over a couple drinks.

Well, if it were easy, we would all be drunk.

Sir Poirot? Yes, sir? Would you come here, please?

What do you need, sir? I'd like to apologize.

This card is not worth the plastic on which it's printed.

Sir, if it were any softer, I would wipe my ass with it.

Do you have anything less offensive?

Please, I'll pay cash.

No, thank you. This is not about money. This

is about trust. You see, credit is trust.

I guess what it comes down to, gentlemen,

is whether you're going to trust me or a machine.

We'll be trusting the machine.

Well, apparently this isn't Rome.

Why don't we go?

You'll still need to pay for the shops and the seven frozen tigers.

Look, gentlemen, I could cause a very ugly scene,

but I'm just going to say thank you.

Good night.

Sparrow.

All right. Why don't I just write you a check?

We're not a bank.

This ring belonged to my grandmother. Not a pawn shop.

Perhaps there are some dishes that... We're not a hobo camp.

Cash.

What I'm going to do is run out and find a cash machine.

They're not stupid.

I just wish I'd get my sister to understand that.

Well, she's older, but I think you have the emotional maturity.

Just leave that stuff. I'll get it later.

You want some more wine? Oh, I'd love some. Well, let's have some. Gosh,

I've been wanting to talk to someone about this for such a long time.

You're so easy to talk to.

So are you. There you go.

I'm really glad we're taking it slow.

Well, anything good is worth waiting for, and you are definitely worth waiting for.

So, on whom are you doing your thesis?

Oh, on Carson McCullers.

Mm-hmm.

Uh-huh.

She's, uh, what does she write?

Uh, memorable wedding, heart is a lonely hunter. Yeah.

That's beautiful language.

Yeah. She's from the South.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm. What are we watching?

I just put this on for background.

She's from Georgia. She has lupus.

Well, that sounds so tragic. Yeah.

What's your angle on that? What is this?

I just saw it made years ago with my buddies. It's no big deal.

She had a very sad and lonely life, actually.

It sounds like it.

Yeah. All right.

But some... What is this?

Just me, Scott, and Chip, and that's some girl we

met at a train station. I don't know her name.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's hard to see our faces. That's me right there, right there.

I'm the one with the Mardi Gras mask on.

Oh, my God, it's this couch.

Put the mute on or something? There we go.

Just turn it off.

Okay.

Okay, I'm so... Oh, wait, wait, check this out.

This looks planned, but it was a complete fluke. Right there.

Turn it... Can you turn it off?

This is disturbing, Colin.

Wait, wait, please.

Look, I have a confession to make.

I put this on for a reason.

I made this years ago when I was in a lot of trouble.

And I'm so ashamed of that period of my life that I was afraid that

I would never be able to have the courage to reveal it to you.

So this was just a desperate attempt to find some way

to get it out in the open and hope you'd understand.

Understand? Yes.

Well, understand this, Colin.

I will never come back to this hellhole again. I can't believe you sucked me in.

I'm going to be out of your life faster than you can say Jack Robinson.

You make me sick.

Well, understand this, Colin. I will never come,

come back to this hellhole hole again.

You sucked me, sucked me, sucked me. Well, I'm going to be out of your life faster,

faster, faster than you can say Jack, Jack Robinson. You

make me, make me, make me sick.

Well, understand this, Colin.

It doesn't matter. Grab a chair and fill your platter. Dig, dig, dig right in.

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake. Hi.

Where you going with my baby, baby?