Original subtitles

I'm a baby.

Still at large.

The fugitive is known to be a... Cloudy with a 30% chance.

Wide male. I'm thinking, God, 180 pounds, something like that.

He had a buckle, a very large... Various body parts in his wake.

Please...

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake. Bake the cake, bake the cake.

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake. Hot you do, hot you do, hot you do.

Had you dropped me a ladder, I'd have hired a band. Brandest band in the land.

Drop me a ladder, I'd have hired a Thank you. Thank you.

Isn't she beautiful? She's just so precious. We are so happy for you guys.

I can't tell you how honored we are that you chose us to be your godparents.

Oh, we wouldn't have picked anyone else but you two.

Every day when I look at us.

Has she been sleeping?

Oh, she's so good. I'll put her down at 7 and she doesn't get up till around 11.

That's great.

She's beautiful. And big.

She's a healthy eater.

I can't believe she's only three months old.

She's huge!

She's our little furball.

She is a plump little thing.

I'm not just talking a little excess baby fat here.

I'm talking like Sideshow Freak proportions.

Look at her.

She's enormous.

Honey, please.

All right, Bill, I think we've got the point.

I think what Bill meant is your child is abnormally large.

I find it very interesting, Susan,

how quick you are to point out minor faults in other children,

but how completely naive you are when it comes to that retarded son of yours.

How dare you? He is not retarded. He's dyslexic.

Oh, is that what they're calling it nowadays?

A child with a reading disorder? Hmm. Fortunately,

he's only going to have to know two words. Special bus.

Look who's talking.

You two have a lot of nerve even bringing a child fat or

otherwise into this world with the way you carry on.

Get a couple of drinks and you two and you're humping everything in sight.

My pant leg has been soiled by you, Fran, on more than one occasion. Oh,

what a nice traditional family.

Mr. and Mrs. Sodom and Gomorrah and their Thanksgiving parade balloon baby.

Well, Bill, I am sorry that you and Susan seem to

think our parties have gotten a little too racy.

I guess that's what I should expect from a man who's an insurance

contract analyst by day and a huge bore by night.

And his wife, a woman who couldn't get propositioned

if she were a free whore in Saigon.

You want to talk homely wives, Alan?

Why don't I drop my drawers, drape a veil over my backside,

and you can relive your wedding day by kissing my hairy ass?

And as for Bill being boring,

at least he's not out playing after-school intramural

wrestling coach to a bunch of prepubescent boys.

They needed guidance.

So do blind people, but you don't see me, I see their groins.

I don't ever want to see you two over here ever, ever again. Well,

you won't ever have to worry about seeing Bill and I,

especially at one of your lurid orgies you call a get-together.

We will not be attending any functions that have

you two present. Come on, let's go, Bill.

Oh, and in case I forgot to mention it, your baby's a pig.

Don't let it upset you, honey.

They have no idea what they're talking about.

Damn kids are off school for the summer.

Can't make my honey pie.

Morning, mother.

Damn kids are off for the summer.

Can't make my honey pie.

No honey pie.

Morning, Ma.

Morning, Pa.

What do I make? Pa, what's the matter with Ma?

Damn kids are off for the summer.

Can't make a honey pie.

No honey pie?

No honey pie, Mama?

That's okay. Who needs honey pie?

Honey pie, honey pie, who needs honey pie? Wait a minute!

You quiet your tongue about the honey pie.

Sorry, Pa.

Damn kids, damn summer.

Where's Junior?

He's over at the McClintocks.

Again?

Ma!

Been there since sunup.

You mean since sundown.

Let me.

Sorry, Pop.

Clint talks to good people.

No reason, friend.

Morning, Drifter.

Lily Mac. Drifter.

Al.

Ma'am.

Drifters showed me how to rope a steer yesterday.

Showed me real good, too.

You quiet your tongue about rope and steer.

I'm sick and tired of holding my tongue.

You hear me, Pa? I don't care how many times you...

Lily Mae is not the only one in this house

who learned how to rope a steel yesterday. Is she, Hal?

Tristan.

Junior. Lemonade?

No, thanks.

Pa, McClintock's got trouble near the river.

What kind of trouble?

River trouble.

I heard all about the McClintocks and their river trouble.

Lily Mae, you quiet your tongue.

I know, I know. Keep my mouth quiet about the river trouble.

You stay away from that river trouble, son.

Sure thing, Pa.

Well, I guess I'll head over to McClintock's and

see if they need any help with that rib trouble.

When you coming back, Drifter?

Damn kids are off for the summer.

Can't make my honey pie.

No honey pie.

All right, Marty, how about that heat wave? God, it's hot out there.

If you don't have an air conditioner, you're... This is it.

Yeah, how about a drink?

I'd love one. Let me take your coat.

Careful, that's fur.

I know, it's very nice.

Fur does something for my shape.

Say, who's this guy you're with?

Oh, that's my old boyfriend. He's moving out soon.

He still lives here?

Well, yeah, until he moves out.

That seems a little... Hey, where's my fur coat?

Relax, it's in the closet.

It's Fox.

Come on, have a seat.

Tell me about your trip to aspirin.

Well...

The best part of it's hanging in your closet. Fur.

Hey.

Axel Norville, Norville Axel. Hey, how you doing?

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Axel's the one in the pictures.

Yes, I know.

Interesting jacket.

Polyshell?

I'm sorry?

Nothing.

Well, I thought I'd watch some TV if you guys don't mind.

Well, we're going to watch TV.

Hey, maybe I ought to just grab my fur and go.

No, this is my house just as much as it is his. Why are you doing this?

This is the fourth guy I brought home this week, and it's always the same thing.

Hey, how about that beer?

Look, I'm not going to hide up in my bedroom like some hermit while

you traipse a bunch of losers down here in the living room, all right?

Loser?

Yeah.

Take a look in the closet, pal.

That's fur.

Fox, a lot of them.

Look, I don't give a rat's fat ass what kind of jacket you wear, all right?

The fact is, you're white.

He doesn't know anything about fur.

Speaking of which... You're just jealous because I'm spending some quality time

with someone when you can't even get anyone to sit next to you on the bus.

I am this close to moving out. Then move out! I'm thinking about it.

Then do it! I just might!

Hey, hey, come on.

Hey.

Let's just relax, please. Just relax.

Want to try my coat on?

I don't think so. Look, enjoy your time together.

I don't know what his problem is. He can be such a bear sometimes.

Why don't you just move out? It's crazy living with an old boyfriend.

I know, I want to move out, but he can't really afford to live by himself,

and I feel guilty because, you know,

I'm the one who talked him into moving in the first place.

Hmm, that's tough.

Say, would you brush my back?

Sure.

I'm just... Hey!

You know what?

Look, I understand your situation, really, I do, and I feel for you,

but I think it's about time you pulled your act together.

I don't think so.

Axel, leave him alone. Don't take it out on the coat.

That's all right, Constance.

That's about what I expect from a guy who doesn't own a fur.

The only reason I stayed here in the first place was because I felt sorry for you.

But this is the last straw. I'm leaving.

Oh, please. You're not going anywhere. Look, why don't you just relax?

Every single time... Hey, that's enough.

Hey.

What are you doing?

I'm getting sick and... Allergia.

It's a white cow! I said I was sorry! Are you an idiot? I'm sorry!

Call somebody!

I gotta get out of here! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! It's okay!

Shh!

It's okay. No one's gonna hurt your coat.

It's okay.

Don't let the stain dry. It's okay.

No one's gonna

I was. I guess the pressure got to me.

You know, when you told me to shut off that artery,

I just clapped the first thing I saw.

You what?

I don't know what I'm doing.

You bastard!

You're insane, man. Why didn't you tell me you

didn't know what you were doing? You bastard!

Hey, fellas, fellas, you're doctors. You're doctors. Yeah? Well,

this doctor cost me a man's life.

I said I was sorry. I'm so tired. It's the pressure.

If we only had different patients.

Hey, come on!

Come on!

I was doing you a favor. I wasn't even supposed to be in there.

Chief surgeon! Chief surgeon!

What in Sam Hill is going on in here?

Stop it.

For your information, your patient, Dr. Vargas, is dead.

You lost another doctor?

No.

He lost another doctor.

I was doing you a favor.

What are you talking about? Hey, calm down, come!

Stop!

Dr. Vargas was the foremost neurosurgeon in the country!

Dr. Ward, report to surgery. Dr. Ward, report to surgery.

That's me.

That's me!

I thought I had an assistant I could count on!

I was doing you a favor.

I was killing the foremost neurosurgeon in the country doing me a favor!

Well, I wasn't in the room last week when you lost Dr. Hilton.

I just lost Dr. Barry.

Why were you out here talking to us if you were in

the middle of an operation? What are you thinking?

Who just operated on Dr. Berry?

Coming up.

Wash him down.

Well, whoever it was, we just lost her and the baby.

I want to see the three of you in my office. Sure. Great.

Sons of bitches. What are we running around here?

What are we doing?

There's just too much pressure for doctors to be operating on other doctors.

Code blue.

Code blue. That's me again! Damn it!

I just lost... I just lost Dr. Lillard.

Hey, it's not your fault.

Yes, it is. He operated on him.

It's the pressure.

How many?

How many more have to die?

This is a doctor's hospital.

Doctors are gonna die.

But all of them?

It's the pressure. I'm telling you guys, it's the pressure. That's what it can be.

Excuse me!

Who just operated on Dr. Lillard?

Who was it?

It was him.

Oh, great.

You're fired.

You can pick up your badge in my office.

I can't believe it.

I can't believe it.

The fired badge.

God, Mackie, I'm so sorry.

You're sorry?

Try getting another job wearing the fired badge.

I got a wife.

I got kids. I got a mortgage.

I... I...

Oh, my God! It's his heart! Let's get him to surgery.

No!

No!

All right, is this the one?

This is a story about a guy who finds some money in a tree.

Once there was a guy who found some money in a tree.

He was happy. There he is, all happy and all.

He decided he could buy anything. There's the money. Buy anything he ever wanted.

There's the money again.

So he decided to go to the forest and offer his money up to various things,

as you'll see. He's happy about it.

Happy, happy, happy, happy.

Getting it out of the tree.

He first approached a squirrel and said, give me a nut.

You see his tail wagging there.

I'd like to buy a nut. There's the nut in his hand.

There's the money.

But the squirrel would have none of it, for it was a squirrel.

Squirrels don't negotiate very well.

There he is again, offering him the money. The squirrel and the guy.

Then he approached the bush and said, give me your finest berry,

your finest berry for, there's a squirrel, your finest berry for some money.

But the bush didn't say anything.

It was a bush.

There's the money again that he got from the trick.

Then he went to the stream and said, your finest trout, a salmon or a trout for me.

Here's some money for a trout.

Give me a fish.

There's a tree you found that money in earlier.

And the squirrel, I don't know why they're showing the squirrel somewhere.

And then he approached the bird. It looked like a penguin. He said,

you'll find a song. The bird flew away.

The money didn't mean anything. He's starting to get this little...

He then offered it up in general everywhere, to a log, to the forest, to a rock.

But nothing in the forest could give him anything for the money.

He couldn't do anything with it. He was getting it out of the tree.

I don't know why they're showing that again either.

So he decided to put the money back in the tree where he found it.

There's the bird we saw earlier, that rock and the bush and the tree.

The sun's still shining through it.

I knew. The man was confused, the squirrel again, and the log, and the stream.

He was confused why his money didn't matter.

So he walked off in the forest, and the moral of the story, never mind.

¶¶ I don't know where you came from, cause I don't know where you've been.

But it really doesn't matter, grab a chair and

fill your platter, and dig, dig, dig right in.

Where you going with my baby, baby?