Original subtitles

I'm a baby.

Still at large.

The fugitive is known to be a... Cloudy with a 30% chance.

Wide male. I'm thinking, God, 180 pounds, something like that.

He had a buckle. Various body parts in his wake.

Please...

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake, bake the cake, bake the cake.

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake, hotchadoo, hotchadoo, hotchadoo.

Had you dropped me a letter, I'd have hired a band, the grandest band in the land.

Drop me a ladder, I'd hire the band.

It really doesn't matter. Grab a chair and

fill your platter. Dig, dig, dig right in.

If I knew you were coming, I'd bake the cake. Higher to bed.

Goodness sake. If I knew you were coming, I'd bake

the cake. Hot you do, hot you do, hot you do.

We're going frog-gigging!

What's frog-gigging? Well, first you get yourself a flashlight and a frog-gigger!

What's a frog-gigger?

It's what you gig frogs with, silly. Then you go to a pond with lots of frogs.

It's better to go at nighttime.

Yeah? Yeah! Then you take a flashlight and you shine it in its eyes.

Makes it stand still like it's frozen.

Then you take a gigger and you stab him right between the eyeballs.

Then you go home and prop some frog legs. Well, you like frog legs, don't you?

Why did Dad have to die? Jesus, now listen to me. Hey,

you know what happens if you get a toad?

Why did Dad have to die? It was an accident. Now,

the difference between a frog and a toad is this. Why?

Only Jesus knows about Dad. Jesus knows everything.

Uh, well, actually, I don't know everything, but I do know about your father,

and God decided it was time.

But he was my dad.

And you were his daughters.

Actually, I'm just a friend. Hey!

Hey!

Hey, what's the best thing to use? A three-prong or a five-prong? Five-prong.

Why did God decide to take him so soon?

I didn't do it. It was fate.

Yes, Fate, you see, there's some things I can't even determine the outcome of.

Yeah, like what's the best way to get that frog off the gig once you got out there?

No, no, no, no, no, I know that.

Underneath the footing.

Ask your father.

Just know it was Fate. Fate.

Hey, Fate, we're going frog digging.

Fate?

All I know is my daddy's gone. If fate did it, then I don't like fate.

Don't hate me, child. Yeah, don't hate me. Yes, don't. Yes, I'm not to be hated.

I'm not to be loved. I'm only to be random, mysterious, and whimsical.

Neither here nor there, but everywhere and all at once,

without a care in the world or more as to why.

For why is why, and I just am, or am I?

I'm not sure.

Hey, Thight, are we gonna give you some frogs tonight?

I don't know.

Then you take a flashlight, and you shine it right in his eyeballs.

I still don't understand.

Jesus tricked him, God held him down,

and fate hit him upside the head with a shovel, all right? Really?

Come on now, silly, I'm just pulling your leg. Come on now,

we're going frog digging.

I know you're looking at me.

Good, because I'm watching you. Good.

I want to know where all the divider bars are for the checkout lanes.

Beats me. I got plenty. Yeah. That's the problem.

The rest of us don't know where one customer's order ends and the next one begins,

and we end up having to do a lot of voids.

I got the express lane.

I do high volume.

I know you're pointing that aside. Why don't

you just read it? You're pointing at it.

There's no I in team. There's no you in team.

You should know you're under investigation. I'm investigating you.

Are you gonna talk through the whole break? I've been watching you since day one,

man. I gotta find you this thick.

What's this?

What's that?

That's right, it's a blue vest.

And I know all about the divider bars.

Good for you.

What's the price for artichokes?

I don't know. Do a price check. You're supposed to know the three-digit PLU.

I have a lot of friends who are narcotics agents.

Bring them by.

This fruit rod's supposed to be up in produce.

I hope you know you're exhibiting the seven major signs of a doper.

Increased appetite.

Failure to respect authority. Failure to respect the blue vest.

Okay, look it.

Your attitude will determine your altitude. Okay?

You want a chip?

Are you loaded?

Come on, have a chip.

Are you loaded on the pot?

Come on, have a chip. Is that why you wear shades?

Because you're loaded on the hashish?

Come on, chip.

I don't want a chip.

Have a chip, then we'll talk about it.

All right, all I'm saying is that those who try, rise.

And until you understand that, there's no way

that you're gonna... These chips are stolen.

That's it, then. You're fired. Mr. Brabham?

You're fired. How am I fired? Mr. Brabham?

Eating stolen chips. You stole those chips. You stole the chips.

Mr. Brabham?

Chip thief.

You are so hopped up on screamers. Mr. Brabham?

I've been waiting for this for a long time, my man. Hey, Lawton.

You want some pot?

Oh, yeah, so I can get sucked into your underworld

of paranoia and madness? How about a hit of acid?

You'd love to see me freak out, think I was a bee,

and try to force myself through a keyhole, wouldn't you?

What do you say, fellas?

Hey.

Shouldn't somebody be up on 7?

Yeah, I'm just finishing up.

I'm going up there right now.

Good man, Troy.

Mr. Brown, Troy was just eating stolen chips.

No, I wasn't. I don't even have any chips. Well, that's the bag.

That's the wrapper right there.

That's my wrapper. Well, I don't care whose wrapper it is.

I'm just, uh...

Wondering why there's a dirty break room on Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Who's in charge of your break room?

Lawton. Lawton, is that true?

Yes, sir, but I was just investigating Troy. Well,

I'm investigating why there's a dirty break room on Mud, Wed, Fry.

And why is there a fruit rod down here when it's supposed to be up in produce?

He was using it to poke through my locker. Is that true?

You poking through his locker?

Well, in the course of my investigation... Rule number seven,

respect fellow employees' property.

Or don't go poking through his locker.

Let's have the last.

But this is my leadership vest. Rule four.

Don't talk back to management.

I earned this vest. Rule four. You gave me this vest.

Rule four.

Four.

Four.

Leaders are like eagles.

You're not an eagle. You're a parrot.

Let's have his vest.

Slip that on, Troy.

How's it feel, Troy? Looks great.

Like an eagle.

All right, Walton.

Let's clean this place up.

You got time to lean, you got time to clean.

I'm watching you.

Call one of our specialists at Longview. They're there to help.

Thanks, ma'am.

Lua!

Lua, is that you? Jennifer!

Hi. Hey, Carrie. You scared me.

You're home early.

You seem awfully tense. What gives?

I'm going out with that guy Lennox tonight.

Oh, that's right. Your blind date.

I'd be nervous, too.

How long has it been since you've had a date?

Almost a year.

Tell you what.

Why don't you wear my new Beth Cahill dress?

Sure, it's huge on me. It'll fit you perfect.

No, I couldn't. If anything ever happened to it, I'd feel awful.

And I'd feel awful if you didn't wear it.

God, it's perfect.

This daiquiri is so good.

It tastes just like the ones we had at the beach. Here, try some.

Jen. What?

I don't drink, remember? Oh, my God, I completely

forgot. I feel so stupid. I'm sorry.

That's okay.

Well, you have to admit, they were great daiquiris, weren't they?

Yeah, they were.

Here, take a drink.

I know something's missing. I don't know, I remember them being a lot sweeter.

Here, try some and tell me what's missing. Jen, I can't.

Come on, just try it and tell me what's missing. I mean,

it's practically all fruit. Your mouthwash has more alcohol in it. Jen, cut it out.

Don't push it, okay?

I've been sober a year, and I work really hard at it.

It just seems to me like we're not friends anymore, like we're just roommates.

Like all you want from me is a rent check or someone to

go to the laundromat with you or help pay the utilities.

I thought we were friends.

I am your friend. Yeah, right, whatever.

I guess I'll just go throw my paycheck down the drain.

Jen. What?

I mean, you've already proved that you cannot have a drink for a whole year.

I mean, come on, that's something, right?

One sip's not going to do anything. Look.

I took a sip and nothing happened to me.

You're not an alcoholic.

And neither are you. Let me tell you something, Carrie.

It's tacky to go to a restaurant and not order a bottle of wine or a cocktail.

What are you going to order, a Shirley Temple?

Yeah, right.

Jen, please.

I'm just being honest.

I miss you, Carrie.

I miss the way you used to be.

I guess one sip isn't gonna kill me.

See, I can't have just one drink. And you were worried. It's really crazy.

I'm a loser I'm a loser I'm a loser You must be Lennox.

Yes.

Carrie?

Yeah, Carrie.

Let me get my purse.

Oh, never mind my roommate.

She's a drinker.

I understand that, sir. And I'll have this report on your desk.

Give me five minutes, and it's there.

Hey!

How you doing?

Good. Say, can I ask you something?

You know what? I'm really busy. I just got to do a report.

Yeah, well, you know, I just thought that I could ask you something

if I just wanted to ask you something real quick.

You know what? I'm really busy. I'm sort of new, you know.

I'm new here, and I don't know many people,

and I thought maybe I could ask you a question if it was all right.

Sure, you know, I'm really in a hurry, but if you hurry, that's fine.

Well, the other night I went out with this woman, and we went to a bar,

and I got kind of drunk, and we went back to her place, and well,

we sort of slept together, sort of.

Sort of?

Yeah, well, and I think I might have contracted some sort of disease.

You just ought to go see a doctor. Go see a doctor. Oh, no, I couldn't.

I'm afraid of finding out.

What do you want from me?

Well, I thought that maybe I could explain my symptoms,

and then you could tell me what you think. Hey, man, not a doctor.

I'm running late.

I know, but you've been around, and maybe I'm getting all upset for nothing.

I don't think so. I don't think it's a good idea. No.

Sorry. All right.

It's itchy.

It's rashy here, here. It's oddly red. You know what? It's puffy.

Yeah, sure.

Sounds like jock itch.

I think that's what it is.

Sorry, I'm busy. Have you had jock itch before? Yeah.

So you know what it looks like? Yeah.

So you could identify it. I don't think so.

Man, I just, I'm so paralyzed with fear, I could barely function.

If only I knew it was something not to be worried about, like, you know,

you could identify it and everything, and God, I'm so scared.

What are you looking at?

I'm going to check out your rash. Let's go.

I don't have a rash.

I wasn't with any woman.

I just wanted to see how easy it would be to get you to look at my crony.

And it was pretty easy. What?

Is this a joke? Are you kidding me?

Hi, you like the crony? What flavor do you like? Hey, man,

I'm trying to help you out. You told me to look.

Hey, I didn't tell you to look. Yes, you did. I just suggested I had a problem.

Next thing I know, you're diving in like a badger down a hole.

I hope you're kidding me, man. I hope this is a joke.

No, I hope this is a joke. This better be a joke.

Yeah.

Joke.

I don't get it. I don't see what's so funny. I got a guy burning my butt,

and I'm trying to do a paper, and I'm late already.

And then let's play a little joke with the crotch.

You're right.

It's not funny. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry. I'm new here,

and I thought that I just wanted to be friends,

and I didn't know how to go about it.

I thought that a good joke would break the ice. How about going and getting a beer?

That's a good idea.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm always, God, doing inappropriate behavior. I'm such a stupid,

stupid new guy. God, I'm sorry.

No, it's not that.

I mean... Look, the bottom line is that...

I think I learned something because the bottom

line is when you thought I had a problem,

you know, pretty much a stranger, you were willing to help me out.

I appreciate that. Hey, look, I'm sure you'd do the same thing, okay? Well,

I just want you to know that I won't forget this.

I know that sounds cliche, but I truly will remember this day.

No, it's no big trick. It's just that I got a lot of work to do, and I shouldn't,

you know, I'm sorry, you know.

The truth is, I really do have a problem with my crony.

I was just saying it was a joke because I'm embarrassed about my condition.

But the whole cronal area is inflamed.

So you really think you got something the other night?

Yeah, I don't know what it is.

I mean, now I'm like desperately holding on to the notion that it's jock itch,

you know, because you said that.

I've been there, man.

Between my problem and alienating you, I'm about ready to collapse. No, no, no,

you didn't alienate me. It happens. Come on.

Let's take a look.

Can't get enough of my crony, can you? Oh, man,

you're sick. This is no joke. You're sick?

You're sick, you know that? I having trouble making eye contact?

No, I'm not. Does this help? Huh? Hey!

Hey, you got a problem, pal.

Hey, I'm gonna tell everybody that you were looking at my crony. Yeah, go do it.

Hey, everybody! He was looking at my crony!

I like to ride them.

Horses are fun to watch and stroll.

I like to get along.

If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked the cake. Hot you do, hot you do,

hot you do. Had you dropped me a letter, I'd have hired a band.

Grandest band in the land.

Drop me a letter, I'd have hired a band.

Really doesn't matter, grab a chair and fill your platter, and dig, dig,

dig right in. If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake, hired a band,

goodness sake. If I knew you were coming, I'd

have baked a cake, hotcha doo, hotcha doo.

You're going with my baby, baby.