Original subtitles

My baby.

Still at large.

The fugitive is known to be a... Claudia with a 30%... White male.

I'm thinking, God, 180 pounds, something like that, about...

He had a buckle, a very long one.

Various body parts in his wake.

Please. If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake. Baked a cake. Thank you.

Thank you.

Really doesn't matter, grab a chair and fill

your platter, and dig, dig, dig right in.

If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake, hired a band, goodness sake.

If I knew you were coming, I'd have baked a cake, hotcha do, hotcha do, hotcha do.

What's up, baby? What's wrong?

I feel bad, Eddie.

Baby, don't feel bad. I mean, come on.

Look, I should have gotten the brakes fixed, all right? That's not your fault.

We blame everything on this truck, Eddie.

Look, I could have easily been driving this

damn thing, you know? I mean, come on now.

But I was driving.

Hey, put it out of your head, all right? Just forget about it.

We were having so much fun, Eddie.

Hey, I know we were. Now let's not let this ruin it, all right? Let's just move on.

What are you going to do?

You want to do something special?

I want to go swimming, Eddie.

All right, we're going to go swimming, all right?

All right.

Let's go, Pumpkin. Come on now.

I love this city in the summertime.

It's in your blood.

What of you?

It reminds me of Paris.

You remind me of Paris.

Je sais.

Guess who just made partner. No!

Daddy said we didn't have it in you, but I knew you did.

I know, I'm 30 years old. I'll talk to you later. Bye.

What? What?

What do you mean, what?

How could you spend that much time on the phone?

I'm never on the phone.

How is that possible? You're always on the phone. No, I'm never on the phone.

You're always on the phone.

Who are you talking to now? What difference does it make?

It makes a difference to me because I'm curious. My sister.

Your sister? Yeah. You two work together. Why couldn't you just chat at work?

No.

Why would you have to chat at work and then come home and chat again?

Why do you care? Because it drives me crazy.

Eddie, why was he late?

You shut your damn drink hole, baby. You knew

I'd show up. I love you, baby. Come on now.

I love you, Eddie.

You know, you look like you fell out of the sky tonight, Tulip.

Oh, Eddie, I wish I had, because then I'd be more than woman.

I could give you all the love you want.

Well, why don't you come over here and give me some of that love,

and I'll handle on it, the two of us.

Oh, Eddie.

Did your mother get her check?

You know she did.

Well, you said we'd crank that thing over and go spend her, baby. Come on, now.

Steven, please, not again.

Just can't believe your old man didn't think I could cut it.

Just don't push me away.

I'm not pushing you away.

I'm pulling me toward myself.

That's fine.

Hey. No.

Hey, hey. Bright eyes.

A penny for your thoughts.

It's going to cost you a lot more than that.

I can afford it.

I just sold the condo.

Where's my blue suit?

I hung it up. You left it on the kitchen table last night.

Well, maybe I left it there for a reason.

Maybe I left it there so I could remember to take it to the cleaners this morning.

Why are you always moving my things?

Paul, if I can find time to clean the apartment, why can't you just find time to,

you know, pick up after yourself?

How is that cleaning by moving my things? That's not cleaning.

Taking my things and moving them so I can't find them, that's not cleaning.

Cleaning is taking a sponge and putting water on it and soap and cleaning dirt.

Eddie, where'd you say you was?

I was out trying to find a piece of paper big enough

to wrap the world in so I could give it to you, baby.

Oh, Eddie, sometimes I wish your head was made out

of glass so I could see how your brains work.

Why don't you give me some of that love, baby? Come on.

Eddie, doctor says we gotta wait three more weeks.

Wheeze ass, we can still do some stuff. Come on.

What do you say we make it an early night?

What do you say we make it an early night at the new beach house?

Yes!

No!

The loan came through!

I don't want your food! I want my $40!

Come on, Snickers. Come on, Snickers.

Come on, buddy. Eddie, I decided to name my butt after your father.

I know how much you love my butt, and I know how much you love your father.

Well, over there, Luther. Come on, Snickers.

So I woke up with a hot dog in my mouth.

You faggot.

You Greek or what?

Huh?

You Greek?

What do you want?

I don't know, what's good today, Stavros?

What do you want?

Give me a frankfurter.

Hot dog, what do you want on it?

Hot dog, a spare of the onions, and give me some salt for flavor.

What do you want, Amber?

Amber!

Amber, get over here! Now that school's out,

I can finally set aside more time for dating.

Not that I didn't date when school was in.

Boy, could I tell you some stories.

Say, could you wrap this conditioner into my back?

I'd do it myself, but my arms aren't as long as yours are.

Whose beer is this?

I'm so thirsty I could strike a match on my tongue.

Got a match?

Anybody up for a game of volleyball?

Amber, get over here!

Is anyone hot, or is it just me?

Right now, Amber! Today! Get over here! Come see, come saw.

What were you doing over there? What do you want?

What's good? Jesus, Amber, this is a Frankfurter stand,

not the serendipity room at the Two Seasons Hotel.

Hi.

Oh, hey, Charlie.

Hurry up and order. If I'm gonna make them braces for you,

I gotta start locating them cans.

You're gonna make braces out of cans?

Yeah, it ain't hard. I just used the pull tabs. It's in horse glue.

Everything looks so good. Jesus, Amber, those are compliments.

Jesus, come on, Charlie. Help me load up the blanket.

Are you Greek?

A little.

This is a sorry excuse for a summer, if you ask me.

Yeah, that heat wave was a scorcher. And then that serial killer, he was around.

And that plane crash caught everybody off guard.

And then to top it off, my lawsuit went down the drain.

Yeah.

Hey, can I have a gumball?

Sure.

Amber, get over here! So are you working hard or hardly working?

A little bit of both, I suppose.

I try to keep myself open to new experiences.

All kinds of nude.

New experiences.

And people wonder why you're so skinny.

I was just talking to you about... Get going, Amber!

Animals have a high threshold of pain.

Let's ear tag one now.

Yeah, what you say there, Dominic?

Well, Hank, how do you think we did today?

Well, considering the head of cattle we tagged for the rain start,

I say we did a damn fine job.

Wouldn't you say so, Dominic?

You're all hard workers.

You deserve some rest.

We'll see you in the morning, all right?

I know I for one will. Sleep like a baby.

Really?

You don't look like sleep like a baby type to me.

Well, what's that supposed to mean? I don't know.

I guess I didn't make myself clear enough when I hired you.

You're supposed to put in a hard day's work, come

back here, sleep like a log, plain and simple.

So the guy sleeps like a baby, so what?

Why don't you leave him alone? Back off, Tandem. This is between me and Tandem.

Look, I'm the one who has to bunk with him, Hank.

If he sleeps like a baby, that's my concern.

Hey, I'll hold up my end of the tagging. When I worked over at the Sims Ranch, why,

we all slept like babies at the end of a hard day.

That's the Sims Ranch. I won't tolerate it around here, so you pack your bags.

I want you out of here. Let's go.

Well, Hank, I need to work.

He goes, I go.

Don't you get yourself fired because a baby sleeper

over here, don't you? It's all right.

I'll go.

Good.

You pick up your pay at the main house in the morning.

Good night.

Damn it, Hank. Don't do this.

The guy's got a wife and six kids.

If he sleeps like a baby, well, hell, we'll adjust.

How do you suggest we adjust?

Come on.

Rubber sheets.

He sleeps on his stomach. We keep him up real late, feed him, straight to bed.

Hopefully he sleeps through the night.

You can sleep through the night, can't you?

I think so.

Of course you can.

He's one of us.

First time he poops his pants, he's out of here.

I got a list of 50 guys that would kill to work here.

What are you trying to do?

You know he's the best tiger you've got.

I swear to both of you right now,

if I ever come in here and see you rocking him to sleep,

are you on your back playing with a mobile? I'm gonna hang you both before dinner.

Have I made myself clear?

Have I made myself clear?

Yes, sir. Enough said.

Well, thanks for sticking up for me. Forget it.

What's it gonna be tonight, boys? Three bears

with Velveteen Rabbit. Velveteen Rabbit!

Which allowed Aristotle to change his vision of the

universe without contradicting his existential view.

Well, it's been a unique conversation, Mr. Dinello,

but I do have a 515, if you'll excuse me.

Look, my only point is that Aristotle was vague about what happiness is.

No.

No, he said that living in virtue was the true happiness.

Yeah, but when he said... No buts.

No buts.

What do you mean, we can't discuss this?

We can discuss it, but we can't debate it, because that's what he wrote. Now,

if you'll excuse me, I have to go. Well, don't I have a right to my opinion?

Yes, but you see, it's just that. It's an opinion, and in this case,

it happens to run contrary to fact.

Good day.

Well, I mean, I could be right. You have to admit that, right? No, I don't have to.

Well, that seems pretty subjective and close-minded.

No, you're wrong about that, too.

Well, it's harsh.

I understand your major is Eastern philosophy, Mr. Dinello.

Yeah.

I'm really into Zen.

What is the... What is the sound of one hand clapping?

All right. No.

No.

It's, uh... No.

Okay.

What is the taste of an empty bowl of rice?

All right. No.

It's similar, but different.

Smooth?

Do you have a personal philosophy?

My own?

Yes, a vision of the universe, something into which you put some thought.

All right.

There is, therefore, there exists, everything is, or nothing is, nothing is,

And we're a dream of something that isn't either.

Yes.

I see. I understand.

But no, wrong. Basically...

Basically, Mr. Nella, what you are telling me is that we are not here.

And if we are not here, how can we have this conversation?

Exactly.

Maybe we're not even having this discussion.

Gotcha.

I thought you were wrong before, but compared to now, you were right.

God, you're wrong.

Granted, but doesn't that prove my point?

In what way?

I don't know, but it's possible.

No.

Oh, you're the teacher, so I'm wrong? No, I'm the teacher, and you're wrong.

You're so incredibly wrong.

There's no way I'm right?

Ordinarily, I would say yes.

Ordinarily, I would say that in an infinite universe and in the light of eternity,

there could be some shadowy possibility that you could in some way be right.

But in this case, I can't even say that.

You see, because if I were to allow, even for a moment,

the faintest flickering ricochet of an idea that you could in any way be right,

it would be the end of me.

It would be the decimation and unraveling of everything

I have experienced in every facet of my life.

I would be undone and unmanned.

My bones themselves would wither, weaken, and crack.

But luckily, I'm totally right.

And you're totally wrong. And you know, I've never been able to say that before.

Thank you.

Thank you for being so wrong.

I should go. Yes!

You got that right.

You should go read.

Anything.

Goodbye.

Goodbye, wrong boy. Whoosh!

Well, hey, Tulip.

Where you been, Eddie? I've been waiting on you.

We're supposed to be at that wedding.

I forgot about your cousin's wedding, so...

You get off pretty and we'll go, all right? I'll get my gun back.

Don't take your gun to the wedding, Eddie. I love you, but don't take that gun.

Honey, if I'm drinking, I gotta have my gun. Now, come on.

Why don't you come here and give me a little sugar?

Well, if you quit whoring that bottle, I might.

I ain't whoring this bottle. I'm just taking a pool.

No, you's whoring that bottle. Now, don't back talk.

I'll jack slap you better half. Now, come on.

Eddie, I love you.

I love you, too, baby. You want to watch a little TV? Come on, you want?

We got to go to that wedding. It's my cousin, Eddie. All right.

You get my wedding suit, and we'll go then.

You know damn well that suit was lost in the fire.

Now let's go with what you got on.

You don't mean to put on my birthday suit?

Come on, honey, listen. Give me some of that love, and I know you got it with you.

Give it up. Come on. I'll be here later, too. Now come on.

I'm going to be a big bridesmaid today.

Well, you're my little bridesmaid. You know that.

Fine, I love you, but we gotta go to that wedding.

All right, we'll go then, fine.

Oh, come on, Eddie, now don't. No, that's all right.

If you wanna go, we'll go then, fine.

Now, don't be like that. No, that's all right.

If you wanna go, let's go then, fine. Let's go.

Now, we gotta have something to look forward to.

Well, I just look forward to the day that I could ever come into this house,

just once, and have the decency of a man who just... I smell doobie.

Gimme doobie.

He came by to fix the sink.

Sink size so I could fix the sink. You turn it on, you turn it off. What's the fix?

Well, you weren't around.

He had his hands on anything else besides that sink?

Pipes, now let's go.

No, I had some beers in there that are gone now.

Well, we had to have something to go with that pizza.

Oh, hell, baby.

When was the last time we ever had shrimp?

Let's blow off this wedding and go get some shrimp, just the two of us. Come on,

I'll let you drive. You like to drive, and you can sit on the lap.

Don't get all straight, Eddie. You know,

I think sometimes if I had to do it all over again,

I don't know if you'd be sitting here right now.

That's Jimmy Dugan's niceness talking right

now. He's diseased your brain, all right?

He fixed his sink. Now, let's go.

I got a bullet for Dugan.

I know. You got a lot of names on that bullet.

And I can shoot a gun. I've told you that.

I heard all about it. You're a good shooter. Now, I got my mom's check.

Let's go to that wedding.

All right.

Well, let's go get something to eat first, because I'm hungry.

Don't you have a beer in your hand? Tell me you're hungry, Eddie.

Oh, come on, baby. How about some seafood? Do you want some seafood?

All right, we'll get some seafood.

Then we're going to that wedding, okay?

You got it, baby. You know what?

I hate to see you go, but I'd love to watch you leave.

Oh, Eddie.

Um, Jackie? Yeah? Um, do you have a minute?

Sure. Could you take a letter?

Sure, that's what I'm here for. Great.

Okay, um... Okay, um... Mr. Sutton?

Yeah? Could you speak up a little?

Sure, okay, great, that's fine, that's cool, that's fair.

Dear Jackie.

Dear Jackie?

Me, Jackie?

Possibly.

Dear Jackie, I've never been very good at this. You know,

there have been a lot of changes around here recently,

and we'd all feel a lot more comfortable if you were gone by Monday.

Sincerely yours, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, get that off to yourself,

and I'll talk to you later.

Wait a second, are you firing me?

I'm sorry, what's happening?

Am I being fired?

I'm not firing you, Jackie.

What's going on? Did you get a letter?

Well, kind of.

Well, what did it say?

Essentially, dear Jackie, you're fired.

Then I guess you're fired. I don't know.

Why?

I don't know. I'm not the one doing this.

Well, who is?

Whose handwriting is that?

It's mine.

Then I guess you fired yourself.

No, I was doing dictation. I was doing one of my duties.

You do a great job, Frank.

Frankly, I'm surprised they're letting you go.

Who's they?

The committee.

And who's on the committee?

Everybody. Hey, you want a cola?

No, I don't want a cola.

Let me get this straight. Everyone's on the committee? Yes. Including me?

I guess so.

Great.

Let's call a meeting. Is there a meeting? Mm-hmm. OK.

Okay, first order of business, Jackie's firing. Any comments?

I'm against it.

I am, too. I think we should keep her and fire you.

Smokey-doke. Okay, I'll have Jackie sent on a memo. Meeting adjourned.

Great.

Jackie?

Yeah?

Could you take a letter?

Sure.

Great.

Um, uh, dear Mr. Sutton, um, I've never been very good at this.

You're fired. Sincerely, yours, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, get that off to me,

and I'll talk to you later.

Great.

Mr. Sutton? Here, Jack. This just came for you.

Thanks. Uh-huh.

Ah, Jesus.

Who would want me fired?

And to do it like this?

Cowards.

Hey, Jackie, you gotta help me out. I went to bat for you.

Jackie!

Jackie!

Make the cake, make the cake, make the cake.

If I knew you were coming, I'd make the cake.

How'd you do, how'd you do, how'd you do?

I think about it, and yeah, it makes sense.