Original subtitles

My name is Marshall Teller.

I knew my new hometown was going to be different

from where I grew up in New Jersey,

but this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me, But, Eerie, Indiana

is the center of weirdness for the entire planet.

[CAWING]

Item, Elvis lives on my paper route.

Thank you, little paper boy.

Item, Bigfoot eats out of my trash.

Item, Even man's best friend is weird.

Still don't believe me? You will.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CROW CAWING]

MARSHALL: Back in Jersey,

the Pit Bull Surfers were real popular with all the metal-heads.

I like 'em 'cause they're so dumb.

Well, one day they finally hit Eerie.

Unfortunately they hit my friend Tod McNulty the hardest.

His family lost their farm about a year ago and his dad was still out of work.

Hey man, check out these guys.

Eardrum Lobotomy is mega funny.

I thought a little mindless head-banging music would cheer him up,

maybe change his outlook.

I was only too right.

"No one understands you.

"No one digs your dream.

"Just crank up the music.

"Don't wanna hear your parents scream.

"What you need is an..."

[SCREAMING] "Eardrum lobotomy! Eardrum lobotomy! Yeah yeah yeah!"

Cool! [CHUCKLES]

SIMON: You guys,

that's nothin'. Listen to this.

"We've only just begun to live.

"White lace and promises.

"A kiss for luck and we're on our way."

Awesome.

Uh... Simon, we need to have a little talk.

[CLATTERING]

TOD: Here we go.

MARSHALL: Looks like an antique.

TOD: My dad gave it to me for my eleventh birthday.

Back when we were getting along.

[WHIRRING]

[UPTEMPO DRUMS AND GUITARS PLAYING]

* No one understands you

I can't understand what they're saying.

[YELLING] Isn't that a little loud?

Louder? Okay!

[DOOR OPENS] PHIL: Tod!

Turn that garbage off right now or I'll throw that record player out the window, hear me?

What's wrong with you? Aren't you stupid enough?

Isn't your brain already full of mush?

You wanna pollute that worthless mind of yours even more? Hm?

Why can't you study more? Why aren't you doing your chores?

Why do you have to be such a loser?

Why can't you...

MARSHALL: Sometimes a kid's gotta be careful what he listens to.

Especially in his own house.

Especially in Eerie.

[RATTLING AND SONG PLAYS ON]

* Playing into your brain

What's wrong with you? Aren't you stupid enough?

Isn't your brain already full of mush?

You wanna pollute that worthless mind of yours even more?

Why can't you get a haircut? Why can't you study...

MARSHALL: Poor Tod, his dad was really giving it him.

I knew the guy was under incredible stress,

but nobody deserves that kind of treatment.

You see? Why be such a loser? I'm under a lot of stress.

KATHLEEN: Phil, not again. Tod.

Just leave me alone!

Phil, why do you do this? Why are you always at the boy?

Stay out of this here.

In front of his friends! How can you do this?

Hi. [NERVOUS CHUCKLE]

I'm Marshall and this is Simon.

And I think we'll be leaving now.

It's was a pleasure. C'mon Simon.

[KATHLEEN SIGHS]

Phil! I don't wanna hear it.

[SIGHS IMPATIENTLY] Phil...

[SNIFFLING]

[DOOR SHUTS]

SIMON: Boy, does your dad know my dad? They could start a club.

You okay, man?

Are you kidding?

I love getting my old man worked up like that! It's really great!

MARSHALL: Say, uh Tod.

You wanna come over to my house?

Eat dinner with us or something?

Nah. I'm cool.

I'm gonna go buy some more Pit Bull Surfers records for my old man.

See ya guys.

Man, his dad's gonna kill him.

[CRACKLING AND SCRATCHING]

[GURGLING AND SQUELCHING]

MARSHALL: That same night my parents were up late.

They were waiting and waiting and waiting for Syndi to come home.

[POLICE SIREN SOUNDING]

[SIGHS] She's alive.

She's dead.

[CUP CLINKING] [MARILYN SIGHS]

Goodnight Officer! Thanks for letting me play with the siren.

Syndi Marie Priscilla Teller.

MARILYN: Syndi,

it's one in the morning,

where on earth have you been?

You know I've been doing that police ride-along project for the school paper?

You know, where you ride along with the police to observe what they're doing? Okay.

So I'm riding along with Officer Derek taking notes

while and he's blabbing on and on

about the subtleties of handcuffing.

When he gets this call over the police radio,

You see there'd been this disturbance down at the Eerie Bingo Parlor,

I'm mean how dangerous could it be, right?

So, we rushed to the scene but when we get there,

we find eighteen screaming grandmothers fighting over who cried "bingo" first

and Derek tries to get control but a chair is thrown

there's chaos, cursing,

hearing aids dentures and go flying.

Derek totally panics, he calls in reinforcements and within two minutes

there are seven cop cars, two police helicopters,

and the entire volunteer SWAT team

I mean, a whole lot o' nasty hardware at the suspects.

Took 'em hours to get control. It was great! I got it all right here on paper.

Syndi... It's...

late and you should go to bed now, but...

in the morning we're going to talk about you transferring to a safer class,

maybe... horticulture.

SYNDI: And do what?

Watch the corn grow?

Dad, I'm a journalist.

I mean I feel I have finally found myself.

Well, I feel that you should find yourself

in safer circumstances from now on.

SYNDI: Mom...

We'll talk about it in the morning, hon'.

Okay.

Good Night.

MARSHALL: You gotta admit, I'm pretty lucky.

Not everyone gets parents as cool and smart and understanding as mine.

We're lost.

We're doomed.

[ EARDRUM LABOTOMY PLAYING]

On the other hand, that night I couldn't help wondering how Tod was doing with his folks.

[TOD SINGING ALONG] * What you need is an Eardrum labotomy

* No more chairs No more pain

* The house is more Important than you are

* The car is more Important than you are

* The job is more Important than you are

* Face the facts

* No one cares If you live or die *

[DOOR BANGS]

Turn that puke you call music off and go to bed

before you destroy what few brain cells you have left.

Okay?

[EXHALES]

[SIGHS]

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

KATHLEEN: Tod. I'm in bed. I'm in bed.

You okay?

Hm.

Tod, I know this is hard for you to understand, but...

Your dad doesn't mean to hurt your feelings. He's...

he's just having a hard time these days.

We all are.

It doesn't mean he doesn't still love you.

Why doesn't he tell me himself?

I don't know.

You go to sleep now, 'night.

[CLICK AND WHIRRING]

* Come change your head

* C'mon change your face!

* If you're lucky They'll think you're dead *

PHIL: Tod? Tod? Do you hear me?

* What we need Is an Eardrum Lobotomy *

[PHIL BANGING] Turn that music off!

SIMON: * We only just begun to live, a kiss for luck *

Will you stop that?

Marshall, look.

What's happenin', man? What it is.

What isn't. What it woulda been. What it mighta been.

MARSHALL: His mom's old earring?

His school jacket covered by Pit Bull logos,

black shoe polish in his hair.

Something had gotten a hold of Tod.

Um... [CHUCKLES] you've changed.

You'll never guess what.

Pit Bull Surfers are coming to Indianapolis in two weeks.

Tickets go on sale today.

Wanna go with me? Score some front row seats?

Uh...

People are already campin' out overnight.

It's gonna be a major blast, man. It's gonna go down in history.

Well, uh, you know, Tod.

I'm not really that into the Pit Bull Surfers.

I mean, you know,

with all that dumb Nazi stuff. I kinda think they're a joke, don't you?

These guys tell like it is, Marshall.

I owe it to them to go!

Man, I thought you were cool.

[SIMON SINGING]

PHIL: Why aren't you at practice?

I'm not going.

What do you mean, you're not going to practice?

Now, what's with that earring?

Hm?

What's with the hair?

It's that music, isn't it? Tells you to act this way, don't it?

That's the message, isn't it?

Secret messages in the music, aren't there?

Now, why do .I get the feeling I'm talking to myself? Do you think I enjoy that?

Do you think it's fun talking to yourself all the time?

"No one understands you! No one digs your dream!

"Just crank up the music. Don't wanna hear your parents scream!"

PHIL: Tod, where are you going?

MARSHALL: It wasn't just that Tod changed his clothes or trashed his room.

Something a lot more evil than rock 'n' roll seemed to be taking over Tod's life.

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Trouble at 6 o'clock.

Marshall! Get over here! Something is wrong with Tod!

MARSHALL: Tod! What are you doing?

TOD: What do you care? I can't take it no more, man.

I'm going to Indianapolis. Gonna get tickets to the concert.

Maybe even join the band.

Are you nuts? Your parents are gonna have a meltdown.

They don't even know I'm alive.

But hitchhiking is dangerous. Good!

Tod, what if like, I don't know if...

you and your dad, like, did stuff together.

Yeah! Like if you two went fishing or something.

Fishing? Guys, I'm a head-banger, I don't do fishing.

But that's just it. You're not a head-banger.

You're Tod McNulty. The guy I helped with his math homeworks.

The Surfers say you can be whatever you wanna be.

But the Pit Bull Surfers are just a band.

Your dad's your life. The Surfers don't care about you.

PHIL: If I find that boy, he's in serious trouble.

Can we just find him first, please?

All right, all right.

Marshall! Simon! Have you seen Tod?

Um... No. Sorry.

If you see that idiot son of mine, you tell him to get home.

I'm gonna destroy

every single record he has. Phil, this is not helping!

[BOTH ARGUING]

[PHIL] Don't do this to me now.

MARSHALL: Tod don't do this! Running out of hope.

I gotta get back home before my dad does!

Tod, this is a big mistake.

Yeah, tell me about it.

This isn't some stupid song, this is the real world!

Marshall!

DEREK: My first arrest was a very moving experience.

I had my police issue .38 caliber revolver in my hand.

Moonlight gleaming off the cool steel of the bullet chamber...

[MUTTERING] Geez, what a jerk.

POLICE RADIO: Car 13. Car 13. We have a stolen milk truck.

[TIRES SCREECHING] MARSHALL: Tod, look out!

Marshall?

Car 13. I've got the milk truck. Pursuing North Hon Main, over.

I didn't know you could drive! I can't!

Tod, hit the brakes! Which one's the brake.

Tod, look out!

[CRASHING AND SCREECHING]

[MILK SPLASHING]

MARSHALL: It was the biggest milk truck crash in the history of Eerie.

There was yogurt, cottage cheese and milk all over the place.

The whole town came out to look and eat.

I got through the accident okay but Tod was pretty messed up.

He was lying on a stretcher in a lot of pain.

Looking more like a little kid in trouble than the tough head-banger he wanted to be.

I told my story to the Eerie Police while those weird twins were taking care of Tod.

Hey, pal. How ya doing?

Gonna live?

Mars, Simon, I gotta get home.

My dad's gonna hemorrhage. He's gonna destroy all my records.

OLD ERNIE: Sorry, son. The only place you're going...

is Eerie General for some x-rays.

Can't ya just shoot me instead?

TWINS: Hm.

OLD BERT: Um-um. OLD ERNIE: Nah.

MARSHALL: Poor guy. He couldn't even make a decent rebel.

Tod, rather than call your folks, I thought I'd go by there in person

and tell them the news.

It means extra work for me, of course, but, I'm prepared to do it.

Don't tell them! I'm dead if you tell them!

I'm sorry, Tod. I have to. Duty calls, you know.

I am sworn to uphold the law.

I am sworn to protect and defend the fine citizens of Eerie.

I am sworn to...

Okay, everybody, the boy's fine.

You can all go to your homes now.

Go home and think about what happened here today.

Think about it very, very hard.

SYNDI: C'mon, Marshall, let's go home. I think I got a story here.

Marshall wait, get to my house before my Dad destroys my records.

Don't worry about the records, Tod. You just worry about yourself.

You gotta stop him, man! You gotta!

MARSHALL: As they loaded Tod in the ambulance,

I couldn't help wondering what caused all of this.

Was Tod's dad right?

Were there really secret messages in the Pit Bulls' music?

I had to find out.

[POLICE SIREN WAILING] SYNDI: Marshall! Wait!

You gotta take us to Tod's house.

You don't know his dad, he's nuts and I don't know what it is,

but there's something really weird going on there.

Get in.

KATHLEEN: Stop, Phil, what are you doing? You don't know what...

Oh, Tod... Look at this.

See what I'm talkin' about?

Think I want to lose my son to some idiot rock band? Huh?

Phil, Phil stop it.

[OLD ERNIE] Turn right.

OLD BERT: No, the hospital is left.

OLD ERNIE: The hospital is right. The mortuary is left.

OLD BERT: Let's go straight.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

MARSHALL: I hope we're not too late.

Stand back! SIMON: Wait.

Rats.

You've got to stop him. He's...

Let me guess, okay? That fool son of mine is in trouble again, right?

It's the music right? Rock music, isn't it?

Well, I'm a Mantovani man myself...

It's that sick, commie, liberal garbage in all the rock-n-roll, isn't it?

Isn't it?

Sir, I really don't know.

Did something happened to Tod? Wasn't his fault.

Don't you think I know who's fault it is? Listen real careful and your gonna hear it, right?

Telling you to disobey parents, drop out of school, do drugs,

wear an earring and put on those tight leather jeans, huh?

Don't you think I know what I'm talking about? I'll prove it to you. Come here. Come on.

Come on.

DEREK: Sir, this isn't necessary.

It isn't? You think I'm nuts? You think I'm a raving lunatic, don't you?

Mr. McNulty, I can explain this whole thing.

Why don't we just listen to this stuff and see what happens?

Everybody knows messages are embedded in rock music.

It's all in here, backwards, right?

Isn't that how those people hide their intentions?

Well, they can't hide from me, can they?

Once I unmask them they're gonna be hit with a major lawsuit.

MARSHALL: Mr. McNulty,

Tod's a real good kid and maybe if you just talk to him.

Major law suit. Right? Right.

Maybe you could take him fishing.

Got it. This is the one he listens to the most, right?

Right, honey?

Backwards, right?

Don't you have to play the record backwards to hear the message?

This is what's ruining my kid, right?

MARSHALL: We heard something all right.

A sound coming from the depths of the record player,

a deep, frightening voice.

[PHIL'S VOICE ON RECORD]

Tod, turn that garbage off right now or I'm going to throw that record player out

the window, you hear me?

Why can't you pull your own weight? Do I have to do everything for you?

What is wrong with you? Aren't you stupid enough?

Isn't your mind already full of mush? Wanna pollute that worthless brain of yours more?

Why can't you get a haircut?

Why can't you study more? Why can't you do your chores?

Turn that puke you call music off, go to bed,

before you destroy the few brain cells you've left.

Why aren't you at practice?

Moving ahead on the practice? What's with that earring?

What's with the hair?

It's that music that tells you to act this way, doesn't it?

That's the message? Secret messages in the music, aren't there?

Sick commie liberal garbage in all that rock 'n' roll, isn't it?

Don't you think I know who's fault it is?

Listen real carefully, it'll tell you how to disobey your parents,

drop out of school, do drugs, wear an earing and right leather jeans.

Why do I get the feeling I'm talking to myself? Do you think I enjoy that?

Do you think it's fun talking to yourself all the time?

MARSHALL: I used to feel real sorry for Tod.

Now I wasn't sure. I was starting to feel a little sorry for his dad, too.

Where's my son? Where's Tod?

Right here, dad.

I'm sorry.

[EMOTIONAL] You guys...

SYNDI: Okay, you're right,

it is can be kinda dangerous riding around in a police car,

living on the edge. I could've gotten hurt.

Also could've gotten the story of a lifetime.

Sweetheart, your father and I don't want to stifle your creativity.

We just want you to be cautious, that's all.

Do you think Jane Pauly got where she is by playing it safe?

[SCOFFS]

I just wanna walk on the wild side.

But, you guys are right about the police.

As a matter of fact, I already asked my teacher for another project.

Thank you. [VEHICLE HONKING]

Uh, there's my assignment.

[DOOR SHUTS]

[INDISTINCT INSTRUCTIONS ON RADIO]

[FIRE TRUCK HONKING]

It's just a...

Phase. It's just a...

Phase. Yeah.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey you guys, what's going on?

Please tell us something that won't terrify us.

Well, you wouldn't believe me if I told you. 'Night.

[RELIEVED MOAN]

MARSHALL: It could have been a hallucination, right?

I mean, a person's voice can't really be recorded backward on a record, can it?

I had to find out for myself.

So I took my copy of the Pit Bull Surfers Live at Carnegie Hall

and put it on Tod's turntable.

SIMON: * One day and promises

* A kiss for luck And we're on our way

* We've only just begun

[GIGGLING]

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]