Original subtitles

They'll be mad at me. I don't even have a watch.

Are they moving or what?

The flat! I forgot about the carpet.

Learn how to drive!

You grumpy old sod!

Where's 2nd gear?

PLEASE, NOT NOW!

- Hello. - Is that her?

I have an excuse.

- A great excuse. - I've heard that one before!

You'll thank me when you hear.

Well, thanks.

Don't you believe me?

Typical! I sell mother's heirloom to buy you a watch and you yell at me.

Me?

You lost me a contract. Three pages in L'Amérique.

500,000 francs, that's all.

What about me. I found it!

- Who? - Who? The flat!

There she goes again. Serge, set up the lights.

Bernard!

It's what you wanted. Sorry, Marie-Jeanne.

Perfect for you.

Vast living room, an alcove for the bed,

kitchen, bathroom with storage space...

On Ave Henri Martin.

Six million.

Then 12 million in 2 years.

- I'll come tomorrow at 3. - Please.

Bernard! The fridge.

The contract.

- Shall I wear false lashes? - No need.

Then I'm ready!

- I asked them to hold it. - You left a deposit?

I had no money on me. I said we'd come tomorrow.

- Hey, your pants! - My pants!

- What's your name - Are you mad? Sophie.

You know what it mans in Greek?

- Sofia? - No, no.

Wisdom!

In 18 months, that's the 14th flat you've had an option on.

Open an agency!

- Is that all you have to say? - Get up.

Here?

Sure it'll hold?

Yes, don't worry.

- Aren't you my sweetie? - Not here.

- Say something nice. - I love you.

I love you, you love me, we'll love each other

Till the end of the world

And since the earth is round

No need to worry, my love...

I'm not. But everyone's waiting.

I hope you understand what's going on.

You're in the desert, it's 40 in the shade, you're thirsty.

What are you doing?

Trying to look like a kitten. It suits me best.

Please, we're already behind schedule.

You drink. It's cool, it revives you.

Open up to 6.3. Never mind the background.

- Bernard, the rifle. - Oh, sorry.

There, against the wall!

Ready.

Philippe.

I feel sick.

That's all we need!

Make an effort. Drop the silly face.

OK, look as dumb as you like.

Need a hand?

I'll be right back. Carry on.

- Where is he going? - Don't worry. Stay here.

Quiet. No one move.

Sophie!

Hey.

What's wrong with her? She's crazy.

Sorry, the shoot's running late.

- Six at Le Flore? - Le Flore? I love it there!

Philippe!

- Here we go. - Is it going well?

Yes.

Who was hooting?

Antoine. He wanted me to try out the new Ferrari.

The sedan, with locked differential.

It's wonderful!

Only we're late.

- Lift your arm. - Don't touch me!

We're going?

Where to?

- Shall we? - Let's go

Françoise Sagan! Right there!

Thanks.

I'd have thought she was younger than that.

Watch me at work.

- Oh, mother! - You're mistaken, young man.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Too late.

Too expensive.

- Been waiting long? - No.

Sad to see a young, strapping lad

wasting his time in bars instead of working like everyone else.

- Pascal. Two teas. - Coming up.

Imagine...

Imagine that tonight you find me particularly sweet.

Much more so than yesterday or the day before.

We leave here, we go dancing...

Maybe we hold each other tight.

Then all of a sudden, I get lucky.

I say something funny

that makes you laugh.

We're at my place.

I remove your dress,

and what's underneath.

It's 3 AM.

I turn the light off. Or leave it on.

You turn it off.

A few hours later, imagine you wake up in my arms.

Well?

I'd say you weren't too good with the ears!

I'll tell you now, I've heard bad things about you.

That you're the kind of guy who...

A bastard?

And I heard you were one of those rich Americans

who came to Paris for... Well...

A bitch?

- Claude? - What?

- I just fell in love. - Where?

There. Look.

- Me too. - Too late.

Look, she has a present for me.

See?

What is it? A Hermès wallet?

- Too big. - A Dior cashmere?

Looks more like a cake.

Anyway, it's nice.

You'll pay for this.

Your girlfriend's a pitbull!

- He had it coming - For sure!

- What now? - Clean him up.

You think so?

Right.

- You go or I go? - You go, you're better than me.

- There's some left. - Get off!

- What did I do? - Wasn't this morning enough?

- But I love you! - I couldn't care less

Get it into your head. Were through!

It's not true.

Are you crazy or what?

No! I'm a woman!

Yes, we're women,

Weak and forgivable.

You're not getting off that easily.

We arrive here, discover our misfortune.

Instead of a jealous scene, we get a pie on the head,

rather like a beret, and you complain?

You ought to be ashamed!

- You want a fight? - You're asking for it.

- Leave him alone! - Is it over?

You can defend yourself in future!

We're impulsive, aggressive, but after what happened...

He's annoying me, eavesdropping!

Have you quite finished?

Do what you like, I'm free.

- Free? - Paris is an exciting place!

- So, Philippe... - You stay out of it!

Sorry, darling. Let's go anywhere else.

What did he say?

That we're born alone, die alone.

And let's not try to feel too alone in between.

He said that?

Not really, but it's true. Come on.

You don't waste time!

- Neither do you. - How so?

Five minutes and you're making a scene.

- I'm of good character. - Leave me alone.

Bravo. Very good!

You feel cheated and he leaves with a gorgeous woman.

And we have to go back down into the main room

defeated, humiliated, ridiculous.

One minute.

Look at you... such pretty eyes,

such a pretty mouth and the rest.

We've a right to our pride.

We'll go down, you on my arm,

happy, triumphant, regal.

Happy, I can't.

Regal, I'll try.

Come.

- Good job, eh? - Yes.

- Allow me.... - Excuse him, he's well brought-up.

Are you saying that for me?

You're adorable. A model.

You can dance.

You've been in Paris less than 2 years.

How do you know that?

Who is this, Sherlock Holmes?

Model because I've seen your picture.

Dancer, the way you walk.

As Baudelaire would say...

"Even when she walks, she looks like she's dancing."

How did you know I've been in Paris for 2 years?

Because after 2 years, we become more...

civilized.

- Waiter, another tea with milk. - No milk. My figure.

I see. Well, moving on...

- Claude. Alain. And you are... - Sophie.

- You know what it means in Greek? - Wisdom.

He knows everything.

Everything. You know...

So how about a movie?

Slow down, I'm not sure you understand.

We came downstairs together, and I appreciate it.

But we're not getting married.

We can still be friends It's no big deal.

Exactly, it's no big deal. Goodbye.

What you're doing is great, really.

Bravo, you have a way with women.

A girl who's been dumped has a choice:

either go home and weep or seek immediate revenge.

You'd rather sob. As is your right. I understand.

How do I get revenge?

Sit down.

I'm getting revenge. This'll teach him.

Bravo, you're right, I'm a funny guy.

- And a fast mover. - What's wrong?

It was my idea for Sophie to stay.

Who went to get her in the first place?

Stop arguing!

Let's decide on the go-carting track.

- Fine. Three laps? - All right.

- To win what? - The privilege of helping you.

Oh, all right.

- It isn't dangerous, is it? - No!

- Hey! - I won, QED I take Sophie home.

QED my eye! She won, not you.

- But I came in ahead of you. - No matter.

We'll do another two laps without her.

What for?

The women always decide, not the men.

I didn't decide anything.

See? Let's go.

- Sophie! - Your overalls!

- Quick, catch them. - Gentlemen!

That pair are crazy!

- I'm going to bed. - No!

- Why not? - Brake, for God's sake!

It's our duty not to leave you alone. It might be dangerous.

- There's only one solution. Drink. - What?

- A small glass never... - For sure!

Only I never drink.

- Oh? Is it your religion? - No, my figure.

- There were these two nuns... - It's not dirty, is it?

What I love about Sophie is her purity.

Is that why you collared me?

It wasn't me, it was Claude.

I was thinking:

"That girl could never look cheap."

- You thought that? - Yes.

- What about the osteoarthritis? - What?

We chat and chat and forget about work.

What is your job?

Surgeons, we operate tomorrow.

If I ever have a kid, I'd like him to be an architect or a surgeon.

Oh, architecture...

it's just piling up stones.

We save lives.

Unbelievable!

Not bad for a girl who doesn't drink.

Sing us a song.

I love you, you love me, we will love each other

Till the end of the world

And since the earth is round

No need to worry, my love...

That's it, I'm home.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

You've been very nice. Goodbye.

- Fancy seeing me in a bikini? - Here?

- Come on. - You'll catch cold.

Don't worry. Close your eyes.

One, two, three...

Bastards!

Doing that in your own street. Disgusting!

Help me.

- Having fun? - You don't know what you're missing!

Put me down.

I'll do it.

Help me, you lazy sods!

Come down, we'll help you.

You didn't think I was talking to you.

We never think outside.

Only at the station.

We never talk to strangers before ten.

- Come on, tough guy. - Oh, not so tough.

Surely some mistake, this gentleman is my friend.

If he's a friend, tell him not to vandalize billboards.

- But... - Or insult police officers.

- But... - You want me to arrest you?

Where do you live?

- Here. - Fine, let's go.

Make him some strong coffee. You lovers will feel better tomorrow.

Sophie!

- Goodnight, Mr Legrand. - Goodnight, mademoiselle.

- Are you ashamed of me? - No.

Mr Legrand is nice, but he told me

he'd kick me out if I brought a man back.

Sit down, please.

- Don't mind the mess. - Don't worry about it.

A beautiful cover girl like you

can't be fond of domestic chores.

Me? On the contrary.

I love housework and cooking but I never have time.

Maybe I'm not cutout for the life I lead.

Talk and talk, that's all I ever do.

I shouldn't keep you.

- Goodbye. - Impossible.

Not till Mr Legrand is asleep. Your reputation.

Oh, yes.

Where are my slippers?

Excuse me.

I see them, under the chair.

Thanks.

Can we put a record on?

Not after 10 PM.

Yes, of course. Your reputation.

You make a good brunette.

That's not me! It's my Corsican grandma.

Colomba. A wonderful woman.

She gave me this bed.

I like plenty of room, so I made sure I could keep it.

That's why it's so long.

Look, this is lovely too.

A gift, from a Hindu prince.

Prince Shribouyoune Bayane. You know him?

It swirls in the light, see.

How about one last drink? To Colomba.

- We've drunk enough. - Coffee, then.

Coffee, all right.

I'm sleepy. I'll put my pyjamas on.

I'm working early tomorrow.

Taking a shower?

Too noisy.

Damn.

Hey... you still want coffee?

Sure. Why?

Just asking.

- I bet I'm torn to shreds. - Not at all.

I was scared! Do I still have my lashes?

It's Mr Legrand.

- What's was that? - The gas.

- I'll call the fire brigade. - No need.

I'll leave the door open. If you need anything...

- Thanks. - All that atomic gas...

- Any fire? - No, it's over.

Poor Sophie. You scared me.

What a day!

I don't want you to use that stove any more.

Mr Legrand is right.

So many accidents.

What if those lovely shoulders got damaged?

This lovely neck?

This lovely...

You're naked?

Yes. You know why I'm here tonight.

Don't you want revenge?

It wouldn't be revenge, it would be cheating.

- You want me to leave? - Please.

Because you like me?

Yes. Are you mad?

You like me so I have to walk the streets and find a cab?

Plus I'll wake up your landlord.

What will he think of you?

OK, you can stay.

Sleep on the floor.

All right.

Swear to me on your...

You have a mother?

- Yes. - Is she alive?

Swear on her head that you won't touch me.

- Don't you trust me? - Swear or you leave.

I swear.

- Who is it? - Marie-Jeanne.

One second, I've lost the key.

- Who's that. - Marie-Jeanne.

- So? - You have to hide.

- We didn't sleep together. - Honestly!

She's Philippe's assistant.

Hide there. I'll see to the mattress.

Help me.

This is tough!

No, there!

What are you doing, stupid?

Go hide.

Close the door.

- It's broken. - Slip under the bed.

- I can't! - Under the mattress, then.

It's taking a while!

Coming, I found it!

Hang on.

- Hello. - Well!

- What a noise, finding your key! - I know.

Your room's a mess.

The gas stove exploded.

So I see!

You'll be better here.

Don't you wonder why I'm here?

Yes, what brings you here?

Look, you have to be brave.

You never get hiccups!

Only when I'm upset.

Look, Philippe called.

- Is he OK? - Fine.

- Look... - Sorry, it's nerves.

He asked me to manage the studio for 3 weeks.

That's wonderful!

Poor dear! He's leaving for Villard-de-Lans.

He asked for two sleeper berths.

So he's not so mad at me?

He's taking Barbara Wilbury.

Barbara Wilbury!

- He's been after her and... - And what?

You ought to know. So you won't look stupid.

You weren't the right girl for him.

Nor he for you.

Still.

- After 18 months... - Believe me.

You were an accident in his life.

A charming one but an accident.

So we're through?

Against Barbara Wilbury, forget it.

She's tall and skinny.

She's also the Wilbury heiress.

You know what that means in the USA?

Millions of dollars. Half the Chicago slaughter houses.

She looks like someone who kills little animals.

Philippe doesn't mind. He wants to marry her.

Oh no.

I don't believe it.

Yes, it's true.

I'm telling you so you can get rid of the swine.

Now I've got hiccups too.

Come with me, I'm late. We'll speak in the cab.

I don't want to go out. I can't.

Come, please.

I'm too ugly.

Promise me you'll do something.

Promise.

Be strong.

I know.

Disgusting.

You should have taken revenge.

You're right.

I'll get my revenge.

Right now!

Cross my heart and hope to die, Colomba.

I swear to take revenge and be worthy of you.

What's with your grandma?

You don't know her story?

How could you?

The morning of her wedding, in our village near Bastia,

her fiancé ran off with another girl.

- A Parisian. - Like you.

Yes, like me. You know what she did?

- She committed suicide. - And went to hell?

No, she committed murder.

Her fiancé. Outside the town hall.

You don't get it.

She couldn't kill him, she was in love.

She killed... the Parisian woman!

Wow!

Of course she was acquitted.

And get this.

Her fiancé was so impressed, he married her.

Grandpa Napoleon.

- The emperor? - You are silly.

All Corsicans are called Napoleon.

- You want to do the same? - Hey!

Philippe thinks I'm dumb.

I can imagine his face.

Look, I don't want to disappoint you

but it's harder in Paris than in Ajaccio.

Bastia isn't Ajaccio!

OK, Bastia, then.

What will you do?

Poison takes too long.

Guns make too much noise.

Pushing her off a cliff won't be easy.

What's so complicated? I'll use a rifle, like Colomba.

A rifle...

Don't worry, I know where to get one.

Sophie!

But Sophie!

What is it, young man?

Has Sophie left?

She's gone to work, like a brave girl,

in her little car.

- She's wonderful. - Yes, wonderful!

It doesn't explain why you're at her window.

Yesterday was extraordinary.

Indeed! I've never seen a boy here.

- Are you flattering me? - It's true!

I swear on the Military Cross

I was awarded after Verdun in...

Anyway, what will you do?

- Well... - You'd better not hurt her.

How are you fixed financially?

- Are you doing OK? - Surgeon!

Perfect! I'm reassured.

I thought that if she'd chosen you...

- Actually, I wanted... - Wanted what?

Good Lord, my operation!

Surgeons are bright guys.

And they make money.

- Hey! - Don't worry, it's minor surgery.

Well?

Well, I'm in love.

- No! Where? - There.

- Poor you. - It isn't sad. Well, maybe it is.

Why, isn't she good in bed?

- I don't know. - Don't know?

Ah, because.

No.

Monsieur... Monsieur!

Come on, go to sleep.

I love a girl who loves another man. I won't see her for 20 years.

Fallen out already?

- My leg... - Not now.

- She wants to kill Barbara. - She needs 20 years?

That's the rap she'll get.

Yes, but if it's true love, she'll be forever 20.

Steer clear of Seine-et-Oise.

- Why? - They're terrible.

Remember what they did to Landru.

No, not now.

You really think that...

- What? - Nothing!

- They're sensitive this year. - Let's go.

- Sir... - Relax, everything will be fine.

- But... - Really.

If I were you I'd forget it.

A woman, fine. But a murderer!

- I love her. - Tell it to the judge.

The boss wants to see you.

- Beware. - Watch out!

- Monsieur. - What?

Your colleague.

- He got the wrong leg. - Too late, old boy!

Come on, guys!

Hurry, I'm late!

- Alain Varnier. - Hello.

- Is the dress ready? - In two seconds.

I have to see you. Personal and urgent.

- Sensitive or ultra-sensitive? - Sensitive.

Alain Varnier. I was at Le Flore yesterday.

I went out with... you know who.

Fine. And?

- This morning... - You don't waste time!

- It's Vogue. - I'm too busy right now.

She said she'd kill her.

Who? The baker's wife?

No, the girl with you.

Start without me. Come here.

I know Sophie inside out.

Uncouth but harmless.

- But yesterday... - I appreciate your telling me.

Believe me, if it's Barbara who's in danger,

she can sleep easy and so can you.

Now excuse me, I have work to do.

Don't look at me like that!

This is serious.

Know what she said?

She knew where to get a rifle.

- Why not a bazooka? - Family tradition.

I can see her walking into a tobacco shop.

"Give me a packet of Gitanes. Plus a rifle, for a murder."

So, she...

- She knows where to get one? - It's what she said.

- Marie-Jeanne, where's the rifle - There, in its case.

- Did Sophie call? - She popped in.

- What did she want? - She'd forgotten something.

Where can she be?

Where? Downstairs.

Shit.

You're telling me.

We're silly, the gun isn't loaded.

She's had 2 hours to buy cartridges.

You think so?

I couldn't care less, if not for Barbara.

Anyway, I'll miss her. The excitement.

Barbara's on her way, so I can't warn her.

Imagine if the crazy girl shoots her!

I'll tell her I couldn't find you,

that you've gone.

That's it. Exactly.

I'm off to Villard-de-Lans.

Barbara means a lot to me.

If you told her, with your authority...

It's better you go. A new face. Well, almost.

- All right. - Thanks.

- Say... - Hurry.

- Good luck! - I'm not to be pitied.

Want to come and see the shot?

Aren't you meant to be at the hospital?

Start, there's no one upstairs.

- Sure? - I was just there.

Where were you this morning?

We won't be seeing much of each other.

Careful, it's loaded!

Going somewhere?

Villard-de-Lans, like Philippe.

With this.

Whatever. Better try something else.

Such as?

Make Philippe jealous. It usually works.

Not a bad idea.

I get there tomorrow,

find a guy and make Philippe jealous.

- Then he dumps Barbara. - No way.

Look for a guy there and Philippe will rumble you.

You need to arrive with someone.

And you'd be willing to come with me.

Anything to help.

So you have 37,000.

I have 45,000.

- So 7 plus 5... - 12.

12, right. That's 82,000.

Should be OK if we're prudent.

I'll pick you up at 7. I have to tell the boss.

Hey, we're only pretending to be in love, OK?

- Business trip, like partners. - OK.

Good evening.

He loves me, loves me not.

Love me passionately.

- So this is partnership? - Yes.

So, goodnight.

- They wouldn't let you? - We tried everything.

We're lucky to be on the same train.

Some wedding night!

- Where's your wife? - There.

There?

- Here? - Are you married?

No, but I'd sure like to be.

Definitely!

Beautiful. If you want my advice,

when she... Make sure you do it all yourself.

Eureka!

We'll switch berths with your wife.

- Yes, but... the girl... - My fiancée.

Excellent!

Here, you dropped this.

You're lucky to be married.

Sweet dreams.

It's full of married couples and I'm all alone.

It's really something.

Hey, miss... ma'am!

Alain!

Shit!

How come you're in that bed?

- I'm being a nice guy... - What?

I saw this young couple traveling in separate berths.

You know me.

I gave them my bed.

I can't help it. I like people to be happy.

- Where does it hurt? - I can't tell you.

I'm a surgeon.

Prepare me some compresses. I can't walk any more.

But try anything stupid and I'll ring the bell.

Mademoiselle. It's 8 o'clock.

Come on, Mademoiselle, wake up.

Lazy! It's 8 o'clock.

16,000 francs a day! Is there nothing cheaper?

There's no "cheapest price", Miss. That's the official tariff.

What about without a bathroom? Maybe you can go down to 8000?

We don't have any rooms without bathrooms.

There's really nothing cheaper? You're sure?

Yes, there's cheaper.

...in other hotels.

- Shall I take your luggage? - Wait!

What about going back to Paris?

- We're here now... - We're here!

Exactly. I'm here to stay, as Cambronne said.

- Cambronne, really? - Oh, shit.

Are you nuts? 16,000 a night!

Does it include breakfast?

So do you want the room?

I need to make a call first. Is there a call box anywhere?

Yes, what number do you want?

112.

- But, that's the hotel number! - Room 112 then!

- You know someone in 112? - Of course not!

But I wanted to be able to talk to you privately.

Now where is it? Here.

So, we only have...

48,000 left.

That'll last us 3 days, without food.

It's going to be hard.

- Who's this? - It's me, Sophie.

- Who was it? - Who?

Take that. From Sophie!

She hung up. So what do we do?

Kiss. We're lovers.

Try to think. We have to be in Philippe's hotel.

- Please, we'll be quiet. - That's hardly the point.

- What about 128? - Yes, that's true!

Is room 128 cheaper?

Room 128 is available. Don't expect luxury.

As long as we can lie... I mean, sleep.

It's 6000 francs a day, service and tax not included.

Wonderful! We'll recommend you to friends.

So is 128 not too bad?

It's not really a room. As you're both young, it'll do.

Is it still far?

It's right here.

Enjoy your stay.

- Here we are. - Yes, here we are.

It's not great, but we have the same snow as everyone else.

You think you're on holiday?

- What shall I do with it? - Hang it on the wall.

Oh, yes.

Good afternoon.

What's wrong with her?

What kind of a room is this?

Look!

Well!

Did you see that?

- We're not going to starve to death. - I wish it was jam.

You're never happy.

When I was a little girl, I had a rabbit named Gherkin.

Did you want to be a model when you were a girl?

No way! I wanted to be a pilot, like Guynemer.

Were you like you are now?

No, I was crazy and irritable.

It's amazing how age changes you.

Excuse me.

Unbelievable! I'll show them.

Hello, what do you think you're doing?

6000 francs a night.

I mean... is Philippe Belmas in his room, please?

Bobsled racing?

He was almost French champion last year.

He was leading for the first 50 metres, then he missed a turn.

No, no need to wake up Miss Wilbury.

We have 48 hours to make Philippe jealous.

After that...

- What are you doing? - He may be watching.

Make sure he is, first.

See, he's not here!

What about over there?

- What now? - Look as if you're in love.

No, with me!

And don't forget to call me "darling".

Not Alain, but "Alain darling" or "Alain honey".

Yes, Alain.

What did I just tell you?

Yes, Alain darling.

Kiss me.

What a surprise!

Hello, abominable snow girl! May I?

Hello, Philippe hon... hello.

I guess you don't know each other.

Philippe Belmas... Alain Honey... Alain Varnier.

Being in love suits you.

- Is that all you can say? - No.

I forgive you for the Le Flore incident.

- What's the matter? - I spotted a friend.

It'll be just one cherished memory of you.

- No! - Yes.

You're good at ending an uneasy situation.

You can say that again!

- You're a lousy psychologist. - Where's she gone?

- To shoot Barbara! - We must stop her. Hurry!

Let me have your place.

Number 17 has just come in.

Time: 1 minute 20.9 seconds.

Better than the Austrians.

Quite right, Mr Belmas. Second fastest today.

Second?

After the previous bob, 1 minute 19.4.

- Where is it? - Over there.

She's already at the hotel.

Your key, mademoiselle.

- Shribouyoune! - Sophie!

I thought you didn't like skiing.

I don't, but I'm working here. I became a fakir.

- You're not a prince? - Sure.

I used to spend all my money in nightclubs.

Now my bread and butter is night clubs.

- What's that for? - To kill somebody.

- Right now? - Yes.

I don't need to know. Private life is sacred.

I'm sure I can help. Have you tried everything else?

Everything.

Sit down.

Oh, sorry!

- Did you try hypnosis? - No.

You see!

Do you think that you can make Philippe love me with hypnosis?

Of course.

Come in!

Supposing something goes wrong?

What if Philippe falls in love with Alain? Alain is...

You don't trust me?

I do. But it's important to me.

I need to be perfectly sure that you can do whatever you say.

There.

Why not try it on him?

But...

What shall I have him do?

Make him kiss the statue.

- Two shots! - The rifle?

No mistaking it.

- Is there something wrong? - My focus...

Noise is the fakir's worst enemy.

I'm not sure I can wake him up.

- Who's there? - Henri Laverne. It's urgent.

- Is the lady from 128 back? - 10 minutes ago.

- Your key, Mr. Belmas! - Ah, yes.

- I'm coming. I'm in the tub! - Who's that?

My boss from the club. Imagine if he sees I can't wake people up!

He'd cancel my contract in a flash. I'd die!

Come on, cheer up. We have to do something.

We're going to hide him. I'm going to put him in a state of levitation.

- State of what? - Levitation.

To eliminate gravity. The door, quick!

You're throwing him out the window?

We'll put him in the other room.

Take him. Lay him down.

Sorry.

Pardon me.

What a day!

I never thought she'd do it.

Look!

Sophie mistook him for Barbara and shot him twice.

- Great! - Great?

It means Barbara's safe.

What about the corpse?

We'll put him in another room.

We'll get 10 or 20 years for aiding and abetting criminals.

- Definitely dead. - Think so?

Help me.

- He's stiff already! - Must be the climate.

You're a strong guy.

Me? I'm not doing anything. Look.

Me neither.

Look, he's moving.

- You're not dead? - No.

- What about the lady? - Lady?

Get off her!

Some blonde with a gun had a Hindu guy hypnotize me.

She locked the door and said...

What did she say? Oh, yeah.

"You can make people do anything?"

- She said that? - Verbatim.

With a weird sneer.

She's really dangerous!

Just think, the perfect crime. A crime under hypnosis.

- Can I go now? - Yes.

Gentleman, ma'am...

Got it now? If you give a damn about Barbara...

- Your language! - You must pretend you're jealous.

I don't understand.

It's okay, dear. Everything is fine.

I'm sure that this will end badly. Very badly.

Remember last year? Some guy killed his whole family in his sleep.

Trust me. Pretend you're jealous and I'll take care of the rest.

- Thank you. - We chaps must stick together.

Very bad... Very, very bad.

My dear Sophie.

I've been thinking a lot.

And I've just spoken to Philippe. Everything is fine.

You're kidding. It's a disaster!

It's your fault.

I'm not the one who's in love with Barbara.

You really think Philippe is?

You can tell right away.

That's the point. With us, it doesn't show.

You must let me hold you in my arms.

I need to kiss you on the lips!

OK, let's go back!

No, not now.

Philippe is wary. You know what he said?

"If you were really in love, you wouldn't be in the same hotel."

- He thinks of everything! - So do I.

Tonight, we're going to the Bistrot Club. It's the place to go.

He won't see us all day. It'll worry him.

Good idea. I'm going to rest now. I need to look great for tonight.

What are you doing?

Taking a nap of course.

I didn't say in the same bed.

I'm fed up of sleeping on the floor!

First your mattress, then a sleepless night on the train.

Right... off the bed, now!

OK, I'll leave.

- Where am I? - In the bathtub.

Why did you yell like that?

- I dreamt of you. It was awful! - Thanks.

You got lost in the mountains. I rescued you with a big St Bernard.

As I rushed towards you...

- This sounds great! - Let me finish.

As I was about to save you, a big avalanche woke me up.

- I'm starving! - Me too.

I'd love a nice fondue with a good bottle of white wine.

- Where are you off to? - To the restaurant, with you.

No way! We won't have a penny for the club.

You never told me that we were going on a hunger strike.

It's a breach of trust!

Stay here.

Go sit on the bed.

Sorry, sir, we only have red wine.

No matter, garçon.

- For you. - Thank you.

- More red, little soldier? - With pleasure!

Are you okay?

I'm still hungry.

Wait, I'll check the kitchen.

Oh, surprise!

No, no!

Don't be silly. We're going to eat this one!

Is there a spoon somewhere?

"Let us watch this treasure of Florentine graces!"

"Undulating her muscular body,"

"full of elegance and power."

"This woman, a piece of miracle..."

How dare you call me a "piece"!

- It's not me, that was Baudelaire. - Oh, sorry.

Keep still, though.

Help me zip my dress.

- You know how adorable you look? - I'm just a housewife.

Listen, it's La Bamba!

Louder!

I'm pooped!

- What's wrong? - Look!

The dog from my dream! Don't touch him!

He's a real one.

No, fake. No rum barrel.

- How did he get in? - Easily, it seems.

Poor dog! Let's take him back to Paris.

Instead of Philippe?

I almost forgot.

- Who, Philippe? - No, the nightclub.

And the dog?

We'll check him in with the coats.

A party of four?

And now, for the first time in Villars-de-Lans,

Rita Campbell, the dancer who will make you dream.

Let's dance!

Again!

What do you mean?

- Did he hurt you? - Yes, a lot!

A most charming girl.

I like her awkwardness. Why are you kicking her?

That's true...

- Did you think I didn't see? - Let me explain...

Do you know the guy she's dancing with?

He's rather sexy!

Aren't you going a bit far? The place for that is bed!

It's working, it's working!

Honestly!

- Did I hurt you? - A lot.

So why are you laughing?

It shows that you're jealous.

Meaning you're in love.

Meaning you don't love Philippe.

Meaning you're in love with me.

- What are you doing? - Thinking.

Our first kiss...

The second.

Now we need a third.

You understand now. It happened because of you.

Are you quite done?

I asked you if you're done!

Shut up!

And tonight in Villars-de-Lans, the magician who's never wrong.

His Highness, the Prince Shribouyoune Bayane!

Ladies and Gentlemen.

For his first act of hypnosis,

the prince will need the assistance of two volunteers

who have nothing to fear. Just a 5-minute trip

into the fabulous land of the Maharajahs.

No, not me. I'm married, I'm the father of three.

I'm no coward but what can you do against a hypnotist?

We should go back. Two defenseless girls...

I guess...

- You go, with your charm. - No you, with your authority.

I've heard that one before.

I see a beautiful young lady

whose name is like... barbarian.

That's it!

Barbara! Am I right?

I also see something yellow.

It's pretty, but very dangerous.

There's a man who wants this yellow thing.

Beware.

- Who is Barbara? - I'm here!

Good luck, woman of the West!

I didn't understand a thing. But it was marvellous.

You didn't?

The yellow thing is your money. Your gold.

And Philippe is with you for your money.

You're crazy. Philippe's a gentleman.

Besides, he didn't even try to...

Exactly! When a Frenchman doesn't try to sleep with an American lady...

there's something fishy. - Really?

Well, if you ask me.

You're loaded, and he respects you. Is that normal?

Thanks, Sophie. I know what I must do now.

- Let me explain... - I don't want to hear. It's over!

But I swear...

The pie wasn't enough for you!

I thought you were a fool, but you're a bitch.

I don't care what you think now.

Luckily for me, not all guys are like you.

Some men are sweet, unselfish and willing to help.

Like Alain?

Alain wouldn't hang around women for money.

Okay, but if I were you, I wouldn't be so naive.

Meaning what?

Alain has been lying to you all along.

I saw him at the studio yesterday and again today at the bobsleds.

He told me to pretend to be jealous.

All he cares about is sleeping with you.

You don't believe this phony.

Is it true or not? Don't touch me!

I think I'm going to have to break your neck.

- Forget it! It's a mess. - No kidding!

We're in the same boat.

We have to act. And quickly.

The difference is, I love Sophie. You don't care for Barbara.

There are other American girls in France.

Is that what you think?

You're wrong. I love her, whether she's rich or poor.

So, it's another story.

Whisky?

Make mine a double. Both of them.

We have to show them who we are. A strong hand always prevails.

Cheers!

Love for us

or death for them!

It's a deal.

- You know what you are, buddy? - No.

You're a great guy.

No, no... I know women, that's all.

Sure, you know them. But you're still a great guy.

- Are you 104 or 106? - Not too sure, right now.

Let's try 1 06!

- Have a good night. - Hold on, I'm coming with you.

There you go, 112. Good luck, brother!

You too, brother!

They'll see what we're made of!

So she doesn't want to be disturbed.

Open up! Let's get to it!

Open the door or I break it down!

No more nice little Alain!

Oh, sorry.

- Who's that? - Alain.

Did you say, "Lets get to it"?

Alain Varnier.

It's Alain. You're telling me you've never seen him before?

Why, yes.

Just you wait!

Barbara's pretty strong!

- Must be some mistake. - Wait...

Yours is 102, not 106.

Mine is 112... No, 128.

- So let's go. - Let's go to war!

- So that's what you want! - Yes!

I'll show you!

Wait till I freshen up a bit.

You said I was after your money?

And you really believe that?

Well, let me tell you.

- Your money, your inheritance... - Now listen up.

I don't give a damn about it!

- It's too late. - Why?

- Now you just wait... - Help!

Help!

Are they real? How much is it worth?

Three million.

Well, here's what I think of it! Dior? Chanel? Balmain?

Chanel.

Put that globe down.

Come down.

Come close.

Closer.

You said I only wanted to take advantage of the situation?

It's true.

- And you really believe that? - Yes.

Then, I won't disappoint you. Get undressed...

- Why? - You'll see.

You're not going to shoot...

There.

The rest.

- Everything? - Yes.

Turn round.

Turn round!

- Stick 'em up! - I'd rather die!

As you please.

You have a mother?

Yes.

Is she alive?

Yes.

Swear on her life you'll do everything I say.

Swear or die!

I swear.

Come here.

Closer.

Here.

Put your arms round me.

Repeat: "Alain, I love you."

- Alain, I love you. - No, better than that.

Alain, I love you.

You can do better.

I love you.

Kiss me.

Now I can tell you: I'd never have killed you.

I took the cartridges out earlier.

- That's called abuse of power. - Yes.

All's well that ends well!

The echo!

No, my love, it's an avalanche.

Help, Mum!

It was loaded, then?

So yesterday, you would have killed me if I'd resisted you.

And you'd have gone to jail. You must really love me!

Will you forgive me?

More photographers!

Subtitles - TELETOTA