Original subtitles

(exhales)

(machine beeps)

(distant shouting and laughing)

(dog barking in distance)

Oh, my God. You won't believe it!

(Ian) What?

The ants are back.

-No way. -(Emma) Yep.

You're kidding. (scoffs)

-How do you know? -They're all over the bin.

-I'm beginning to admire them. -(both chuckle)

(blows)

(sighs) I've just slaughtered about a million of them.

(Emma sighs) Great.

(Ian chuckles, sighs)

Should have a great time.

Think I'll get some more powder.

Let me know if you need anything.

I was thinking I might get some of that, er...

revitalising shower gel. See what that does.

(Emma) Great.

(water running)

-All set? -Yep.

I think the bread maker's arriving today.

-Oh, great. -Yeah.

They, er, they said that I've got a package coming

and I haven't ordered anything else.

-Oh. -(chuckles)

You'll have a great time.

It should be very interesting.

Oh, I haven't got my, er...

What are the chances of me leaving this in the room?

(both chuckle)

Remember that conference I went to in Burnley,

-I think it was-- -Have you seen my jacket?

-Which one? -Ugh.

Cos I've got so many jackets. (chuckles)

(men and women taking turns) To the side.

- To the side. - To the side and around.

- Through the middle end. - To the side.

- To the side. - To the side and around.

- Through the middle end. - To the side.

- To the side. -To the side.

- To the side. -Turn around.

(women overlapping) And around and around.

(men and women) Two, three, four, five...

And across.

-Six, seven, eight ... - Through the mid-point.

(men and women overlapping)

(men and women) And around, and around...

(vocalizing)

So weird.

Right.

(vocalizing fades)

Enjoy the peace and quiet.

-(groans) Toast. -Come on.

-Toast breath. -Oh, get over it.

-Keep your phone on. -Yep.

Bye.

(car door opens, closes)

(car door opens)

(car door closes)

(car engine revving)

(car beeps)

(indistinct chatter)

-Hey. -Good morning.

-Big crowd. -Who are you with, sir?

Uh, Jamie, MacKinley and MacKinley.

Sorry. I couldn't find a space,

and it's a one-way system.

-Don't worry. -Sorry.

-You good? -Yep.

You need to sign in with the robots.

Yep. Have you been inside yet?

Have you been inside yet?

Excuse me. Do you have any revitalising shower gel?

Yeah, shower gel is just there, sir.

Yeah, I'm just looking for the, er, revitalising one.

-Revitalising? -Yeah.

Er...

OK.

No, but he wants the revitalising one.

It's the same stuff. It's just normal shower gel,

but they've written revitalising on it.

You should know that, Michael.

No, it was just the revitalising thing--

It's just a type of shower gel.

-How do you not know that? -Yep.

-I've had it up to here. -OK.

-This way, sir. -All right.

And it's got revitalising written on it?

Yeah.

-Is that a brand or? -No, it's just what it does.

It revitalises you.

I think it's, er,

it's got herbs in it or, er, extracts

that give you a bit of a boost in the morning.

I could do with some of that myself.

(chuckles) Yeah.

(scoffs)

(scoffs)

Right.

Much appreciated. All your help.

No problem.

Just need that little boost.

Anything to get through the day without crying.

Ah, it's been a bit of a strange one, but...

Yeah, it's been a bit of a strange day.

-(Michael) Has it? -Yeah.

D'you think it'll get better?

(chuckling) I think it'll probably get worse.

(kids shouting in distance)

(phone ringing)

Hi. Sorry. My coin's got stuck in a locker.

OK.

It's this way.

Sorry.

Yeah, I just put me coin in and...

Here, here. I just put me coin in and...

That's one of the broken ones.

Yeah, I didn't realise that.

-I'll be back in a minute. -All right, thanks.

Somebody get their coin stuck?

Yep.

You're not actually supposed to use this one, sir.

Yeah, I know, me brain's in about a million places today.

Don't worry. It's, er, I think Maxine's across it.

She's otherwise engaged.

Oh...

-How's your day been? -Good.

Good.

Yours?

(chuckles) Erm, where do I start? (chuckles)

-(indistinct background chatter) -(Jamie) Henry! My good man!

(Henry) Jamie! Good to see you.

(Jamie) This is Henry who runs, er...

-the entire world? (chuckles) -Not yet.

Won't be long. Oh.

(clears throat) So, how's everything going this year?

I may not be running the world, Jamie.

But what I am running is, er, late for a meeting so--

-Oh, of course, yes, go, go. -Sorry.

No, go, go. Please.

-Nice to meet you. -And you. Yes.

(Henry) And give my love to your dad.

-(Jamie) D'you want anything? -Er, no, I'm good. Thanks.

-Was that Henry-- -You sure?

-Yeah. Er, I try-- -Just have something.

Yeah, it'll be interesting to hear about the opportunity

for growth in online legal services.

(Jamie clears throat)

-(woman 1) Excuse me. -Oh, sorry.

-(Jamie clears throat) -(Emma clears throat)

No, I am interested in this idea

of the solicitor as entrepreneur.

Through history, the solicitor has been a clerical role,

but now, in the digital age,

with the advent of ABS structures

and with working from home a more feasible option,

there's an opportunity to build hubs

or networks of legal advice and practice online

that really empower the user.

(sniffs)

-It could-- -(Jamie) Oh, sorry.

It could be a subscription system

or perhaps follow an insurance model that, erm,

that provides the-- No, it's-- (chuckles)

That provides the user with access to material online

or perhaps it guarantees instant chat

with a legal professional twenty-four hours a day,

seven days a week.

A plaintiff could type the variables of their complaint

into a vast database of precedent

and offer resolution that way, freeing up time--

(woman 2) Thank you. Thank you very much.

-In the courts. -(exhales)

-Sorry. -(woman 2) Thanks.

Sorry. (chuckles)

(microphone screeches)

(sighs)

-Hi. -Yeah.

-Sorry about that. -No worries at all.

-(Ian) Are you well? -Great, yeah. You?

-Yeah. -That's great, Ian.

Great. Have a super day, man.

(machine whirring)

Hello?

(beeps)

How can I help you?

There's no bath in my fucking bedroom.

-Is the shower working? -(phone ringing)

Hello, Hembridge Plaza, can you hold, please?

Look, this is noma cha.

There are no baths in any of the bedrooms, sir.

To get a bath, you'd need to have booked

one of our suites. Hayley? I need you out front.

I can have a look at the availability of any suites

for an upgrade, er...

No! They've all checked in.

Is there anything else I can help you with today?

(Jamie) I just find that a pathetic excuse.

You're welcome to put in a complaint, sir.

Shika, line one.

(Shika) Yeah? Reception.

(indistinct chatter)

Louise.

Have you mentioned the phone call--

-I'm trying to... -Yep.

(indistinct chatter)

(Emma) Hello, this is Emma's phone.

Please, leave a message and I'll get back--

Hello, this is Emma's phone. Please, leave a--

Hello, this is Emma's phone. Please, leave--

(woman laughing)

(Emma) Hello, this is Emma's phone.

Please, leave a message and I'll get back--

(siren wailing in the distance)

(Emma) Hello, this is Emma's phone.

Please, leave a message and I'll get back to you--

I'm sorry, is, er, is that the toilet?

-Kitchen. -Pardon?

It's a kitchen.

Erm, d'you know where the toilet is?

Jog on.

I'm just asking where the toilet is.

(scoffs)

That's a kitchen.

(chuckles) There you are!

-I was just heading to the loo. -I was trying to call you.

Yeah, sorry, my phone died ages ago. (chuckles)

I'll fucking sack you or something.

(chuckles)

Pardon?

Nothing. I was joking.

-My phone died. -Calm down,

-I was joking. -I have that little

-arrow thing-- -God. OK. Whatever!

I was joking. Shut up.

No, it was just, it was interesting

because they developed this whole, erm,

digital services strategy at McMahon's and..

I was asking them about how we could develop

-something similar. -Yeah. Stop.

(door creaks)

(Jamie) I can't stand here.

-I haven't done anything wrong. -Have some fucking respect!

(door slams)

(car alarm blaring)

(Cheryl) Oh, I see. Right.

(Magnus) Yeah, yeah, yeah,

but it affects her decision making.

It's the drinking doesn't help.

Well, yes, we shouldn't.

I mean a conference is pretty much

the worst situation to put her in.

That's not something I'm able to...

She's haunted. You know she is.

Got to phone Malcolm.

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

Eight o'clock for breakfast?

See you down there?

-Yeah. Night. -OK. Night.

-(door lock beeps) -(door opens)

Not a bad day?

-I've had worse. -(chuckles) Yeah...

-Night Cheryl. -Night.

(door closes)

(door lock beeps)

(car alarm blaring)

(grunting)

-(car alarm blaring) -(phone ringing)

Hello, love.

Morning.

-(Jessica) What time is it? -Half eight.

(Jessica groans)

Thanks.

It's hot.

She just has her own way of thinking about the world.

To be honest, I kind of wish you hadn't said anything

because I feel like whatever I say now

is bound to be wrong.

Well, you know, welcome to my childhood.

She's basically just a massive bitch.

She judges people really quickly.

It's lightning fast. She has this incredible mind.

She's a very strong flavour. As a mother. Thanks.

-D'you wanna order some drinks? -Er, no, we'll wait. Thanks.

-No problem. -She's amazing.

-She's really successful. -OK.

But don't have too strong an opinion on anything.

But then, also, don't just agree with her either

because she hates that.

Shall I go for a wee now or?

Definitely, yes. Jesus. Go. Go on.

Hurry up.

-Are the toilets through here? -That way.

-(sighs) Lucky I asked. -(both laugh)

I was about to bring over some menus for you guys.

D'you want me to hold back on them as well?

-Er, yeah. If that's OK. -Yeah, no problem, yeah.

We're just waiting for someone.

Yeah, yeah, no problem at all, yeah.

Are you, erm, are you all right with your guitar

or d'you want me to put that round the back?

Erm, no, it's all right.

-If that's all right with you. -Yeah,

of course, of course. Not a problem at all. (laughs)

Do you, erm, d'you play?

Yeah.

Oh, cool, cool.

-I'm a singer-songwriter. -Oh, wow.

Oh, that's, that's so cool. Would I have heard of you?

Er, no. (chuckles) I'm just gigging at the moment,

-building up my profile. -Ah, that's cool. Yeah.

Thanks, yeah.

So, do you-- do you write your own songs or?

Sorry, questions, erm...

No, it's fine, erm.

Yeah, I write all my own stuff.

I'll actually only play things I've written.

Wow. I love that. That's, erm, so real. Yeah.

Yeah, I try to keep it real.

(both laugh)

So, um...

-Sorry, I'm holding you up-- -No, no.

-Are you doing a gig today then? -Yeah.

I sing some lunchtimes at this bar my friend works at.

No-one's really listening,

so it's a good place to try stuff out.

-Blue Eagle? -The Empress.

Ah, someone said they had something similar

at the Blue Eagle, but... Cool, cool.

-Sorry, I'll, erm, I'll--- -Yeah. No.

I'll bring the menus over when everyone's arrived.

-Thanks. Yeah. See you in a bit. -Yeah.

Did I miss it?

Sorry. Mark. From the cafe.

Sorry, you mentioned you'd be doing a set, and...

Sorry, I thought I'd come and see it, but...

I've just finished.

-Oh, OK. OK. -(Jessica) Sorry.

No, now it just feels like a weird thing to just turn up.

Um... (chuckles nervously)

Are you staying for a drink?

-I've got to head off. -Yeah.

-Are you going this way? -Yeah.

Course you are. There's no other door.

(laughs)

-How did it go? -Er, it was OK.

I mean, it's so cool you having the guts

to just stand up there and do it, you know.

Well, whether it's any good or not is another thing.

Do you think it's good?

Er... (chuckles) I dunno. I hope so.

Then it's good, right?

I mean, who cares what other people think?

What-- What you doing now?

I was just gonna hang out. Got work at three.

Ah, OK.

D'you need someone to hang with?

-Sorry, no, I-- Sorry-- -No.

I don't wanna impose--

No, as long as I'm not imposing on you.

God no, no.

(laughs) I'm meant to be helping my dad, but...

Ah, shall we?

-Yeah. -Yeah?

-Cool. -OK. OK.

So, where you working at the moment?

-(Mark laughs) -I mean, she hated me!

-(Mark) Sorry, sorry. -It was like,

-I was nowhere near good enough! -(laughing)

-Oh, too good. -Did you see Adam

-giving me looks? -I mean, I noticed something,

-but, y'know-- -I was like, it's not my fault!

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

(sirens wailing in the distance)

-We can go in, if you like. -Nah, I'm good.

-What d'you think of this one? -Which one?

I just don't get how--

-Thank you. -You get to a position--

Thank you-- where it's like fireworks

and you want to spend the rest of your lives together,

to a position where you're just sat there existing.

(chuckles) Don't.

Is it like that with your parents?

Well, I should say, first of all, I'm adopted.

-Oh. OK. -And... Yeah. And--

-Sorry. -(woman) That's OK.

My parents are actually white, which...

Oh, wow. God. Right.

I mean, is that a thing or nothing or...

It used to be. I think.

-But... they're my parents. -Yeah.

My mum's really cool. My dad's a bit...

Oh, come on, he adores you.

-Thanks. -Oh, please. (chuckles)

You're his daughter. Of course, he adores you.

My family don't really communicate.

Well, it's 2:15. Is your work far or...

-Ten minutes? -OK.

Well, why don't we drink these, and then I'll walk you to work?

And then I'll hurry home to an ear-bashing from my dad.

(laughs)

So, do you even know your biological parents?

I'm not interested.

-Hmm. OK. -Yeah.

(Jessica) Oh, my god! No! Help, help, help, help. (laughs)

-That was-- That was too close. -(Mark) Just, er...

What you doing? Put your foot...

-That's it. -(Jessica) OK.

(Mark) There you go, there you go.

-That's it. -(Jessica laughs)

-(Mark) Hey, what happened? -(Jessica) There's a roundabout!

(indistinct chatter)

(inaudible)

-His place is just down there. -(Mark) No problem. (chuckles)

I'm not-- I'm not saying this to put any pressure on you.

But, like, I feel like you should be straight with people.

Which means some people do find me a little bit annoying.

But, erm... (chuckles nervously)

Erm. OK.

I really like you.

And I mean, really like you.

As in, I feel that we could talk for a thousand years,

and I wouldn't get bored.

-Just the 1000? -Yeah, no, 2000 or 3000.

Yeah, well, totally, I mean, a million!

-Forever! (laughs) -(Jessica laughs)

It's weird, isn't it?

It's intense, yeah.

And obviously, erm,

I don't wanna objectify you, but...

you're really beautiful.

I was like, "Oh, my God,"

when you walked in the Crumb. I couldn't stop looking at you.

But yeah, you probably get this from everyone, so...

Erm, yeah. Shut up, Mark. I've definitely said too much.

(both laugh)

I just feel you should be open and honest about these things

and the worst that can happen is you say you hate my guts

and the best is, er...

well...

Yeah, so, whatever, you don't have to answer.

I like you too.

OK.

And, erm, is... is that in, er, like, and sorry for asking,

but I've just misread these things before.

Is that in, like, a just I'd be a nice friend way

or could there be something more?

There's more.

-OK. -I just need to...

Yeah, no. Of course. Of course.

Me and Adam have been together

-for eight months now-- -Eight? Wow.

-And I moved into his, like-- -Yeah, no, I get it.

I totally get it.

I mean, I know we've only met for one day,

-but if me and Adam did-- -I'd marry you...

-I'm not even joking. -(laughs)

-I'm not even joking. -Mark!

You're just the most beautiful,

funny, kind, uh, fascinating person I've ever met.

Why wouldn't I marry you?

I didn't realise this horrible world

could make something as perfect as you.

Good line.

-It just came out! -(laughs)

Yeah.

Yeah. (laughs)

(Mark laughs)

I won't take your number.

-That's OK. -He checks my phone.

He shouldn't do that.

I know.

But I'll find you. At work.

Yeah, no, of course. Just ask for Mark.

-Obviously. -Thanks.

(both laugh)

You're so funny.

I don't think we should kiss.

You might feel bad about it in the morning.

Erm... but, obviously, I wanna kiss you everywhere.

-(laughing) Mark! -Ah, you see, you see.

You see? I'm too forward. Everyone says it.

I'm just too forward. I ruin everything.

I'm an idiot.

(scoffs, laughs)

(laughs)

I'm so glad I met you.

Oh. Ah, yeah. Totally.

Yep.

(sighs) Right.

(exhales, laughs) Wow!

(chuckles)

(Emma) Hello, this is Emma's phone.

Please, leave a message--

(line ringing)

(car alarm blaring)

-(Ian) Hello, love. -Is Mum there?

(machine whirring)

Hi. How was it?

(Emma) Good. Yeah. You all right?

-Yeah, great, yeah. You? -Yeah.

-I've got the afternoon off. -Oh, great.

Make up for the conference. I texted you.

Yeah, I can't-- I can't find me phone.

Smells nice. The breadmaker?

-The breadmaker? -Yeah.

How's the bread?

-Works as toast. (chuckles) -(Emma snickers)

Well. That's why it was so cheap.

(laughs)

-So, how was it? -Yeah. Really good.

How was your evening?

Yeah. Quiet.

-(Emma) You having one? -No, I've just had one.

(kettle boiling)

-(Emma) It looks good. -Yeah. (chuckles softly)

Did you get to talk to anyone about your website?

Yeah, yeah, it was good, actually.

(Ian) Oh, good.

Yeah, I made some good contacts.

(Ian) That's great.

Yeah. Yeah, I met a girl there.

Lola.

-(Ian) Nice name. -Yeah.

And she specialises in building websites for legal firms.

-(Ian) Oh, amazing. -Yeah.

Yeah, perfect.

(Emma) And then we had the networking event this morning,

so I could cement the contacts from yesterday.

And I actually made a couple of new ones too, so...

Yeah.

(indistinct clattering)

How was Jamie?

He was good.

That's great about your website.

Yeah, I'm building a bit of interest.

Well, it's a great idea.

How was last night?

Fine. I had a nice chat with that Lola,

-from McMahon's. -Yeah.

I met her colleagues. They were all really nice.

And then...

Yeah.

Yeah, what did Jamie do? (laughs)

-He was there for some of it. -(Ian) I bet he was the life

-and soul, wasn't he? (laughs) -He actually

went to bed quite early.

-Yeah? -(Emma) Yeah.

What did you do?

-Hi. -(Jamie) Hi.

Sorry. I just-- I just wanted to check everything was OK.

(Jamie) Everything's fine.

Good. I was just worried you might have thought

I was looking for another job or--

Ah, I couldn't give less of a fuck.

-(laughs) -OK. Great.

-Because you were- -Yeah, you're talking to someone

who couldn't give less of a fuck.

(chuckles) No bath.

-Yeah. One of the guys-- -So funny.

One of the guys was saying he had no shower gel.

"One of the guys"...

No, he was just one of the team from McMahon's--

Have a look.

-Yeah. My room's the same. -Come in. Have a look.

-No, I know, it's-- -Ah, do what you want.

I just find the whole thing so funny.

-(laughs) -(door closes)

Go and have a look.

Go on.

(Emma clears throat)

It's hilarious, right? (chuckles)

(Emma) I guess they're trying to squeeze more rooms

into their limited space,

which, you know, does make sense.

But what they needed to consider was the knock-on effect of that

further down the line for the people

who actually pay to stay here.

Get a glass.

Thanks.

Erm, I'm OK.

-You sure? -Yeah.

(Jamie grunts)

-Just have one. -I'm fine, honestly.

(clears throat)

-Cheers. -Cheers.

No, it was interesting to talk to them.

Come on. Sit down. It's just... (laughs) ...just me and you now.

Come on. Sit on the bed.

-What? (laughs) -No, nothing. (laughs)

Sorry. (laughs)

(groans)

-Relax. -(chuckles) Yeah.

(Emma sighs)

Oh, sorry.

No, I do think there's a lot we could--

(Jamie) You know that Henry?

He fucked my mum.

Or I think he did...

They all used to go on holiday together.

Skiing.

I don't know how much skiing they did.

How d'you feel about that?

She would've fucked anything. Apart from my dad.

He's 86. She's dead.

I'm good.

-Just have one. -I'm good.

What's wrong with you? (scoffs)

Nothing, no, just...

(clears throat)

Yeah, I was talking to this girl, Lola,

about the MacKinley and MacKinley website.

-(Jamie) Fun! -(laughs)

No, she actually has some interesting ideas

for digital expansion.

And I told her some of the ideas I was banging on about earlier

and actually--

I've got some blow if you're into it.

-Erm... -Doesn't matter.

I'm OK, but...

-D'you mind if I do some? -What is it?

Blow. Cocaine.

Oh, it's fine. I don't need it.

-You brought cocaine? -Yeah, it's fine.

It's fine. I don't need it.

(clears throat)

Why have you brought cocaine?

Yeah, it's fine, just shut up about it.

Ah, this is mad.

Me and you. Alone in a hotel room.

It's been a productive day--

(Jamie) You know I look at you at work sometimes,

I just think it's amazing

that a brain box like you could also be so beautiful.

Sorry, is that inappropriate?

(chuckles, clears throat)

You're so unique.

You know, you-- You're not...

skin deep like it is with a teenager.

You've a maturity...

A physical wisdom like your body's felt things.

I know most men probably wouldn't notice it.

I'm not most men, so...

(clears throat)

If there's something you've been wanting

for a very long time, Emma...

when the opportunity comes,

you've got to reach out and take it.

Don't have any more. You'll be sick.

I haven't had a yellow one.

Did he come into your room?

Nothing happened.

-Did you go into his? -No.

(Ian sobbing)

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm really good. (continues sobbing)

-Just, can you not fucking-- -Oh, fuck off.

-I'm so-- I'm not. I'm just-- -Don't speak to me like that.

Sorry...

-I'm just. -OK.

(Ian exhales)

(sniffles)

This isn't you.

It's fucking weird.

Yeah.

I haven't done anything wrong.

-You can't-- -Yeah. I know. I know.

You're up to your fucking tits in self-pity.

(both chuckle)

Seriously.

-You're up to your tits in it. -(laughs)

-Yeah. -You're bonkers.

When actually, it's just...

(exhales)

It's just annoying.

You need to let me help you.

Because it was you that got me through, Nicholas.

You made me get out of bed every morning.

You made me shower. You made me eat.

I didn't know someone could be so wonderful.

And it was you that got us Jessica.

You were amazing. That was all you.

You wouldn't let it destroy us. You made something...

good come out of it all.

And look at what you do with my dad.

And what you were like with my crazy fucking mother.

(Ian laughs)

And look at all the shit your mum put you through,

and still, you went round there every day, you...

(Ian sobs)

(water gushing)

(phone vibrates)

(Ian) Jessica rang.

-Last night? -(Ian) Yeah.

She called my mobile.

-Oh, nice. -Yeah.

Did you have a nice chat with her?

Yeah. She was doing a lot of her philosophising...

-Right. -(both chuckle)

And she's met someone.

-As in... -Not Adam.

-Wow. -Yeah.

He's called Mark.

OK.

Said he's really sweet.

-No... -What?

-She didn't say sweet. -(Ian chuckles)

-What's wrong with sweet? -Oh, Jesus.

He gets her sense of humour.

He likes her music.

She doesn't fancy him.

-(Ian) She might! -No.

It's a disaster. It'll never last.

(Ian) And they spent a whole day together just talking.

Why wasn't she at work?

He wouldn't even kiss her.

-Why the fuck not? -(Ian laughs)

(Emma) What's wrong with the silly bastard?

Yeah.

She said she thinks she could marry him.

Ah... Fuck off.

(Ian chuckles)

She doesn't believe in marriage.

(Ian) Well...

She actually said marriage?

She said she thinks she could spend

the rest of her life with him, and if they got married,

they'd spend the whole time together just laughing.

Well, that'll be nice.

(men and women taking turns) To the side.

-To the side. -To the side and around.

-Through the middle end. -To the side.

-To the side. -To the side and around.

-Through the middle end. -To the side.

-To the side. -To the side.

- To the side. Turn around. - To the side.

And around and around.

(men and women taking turns) Two, three, four, five...

- And across. - Six, seven, eight...

-Through the mid-point. - At the line draw.

(men and women overlapping)

(men and women) And around, and around...

(vocalizing)

(indistinct overlapping conversation)

(vocalizing)

(overlapping conversation)

(vocalizing)