Original subtitles

My name is Marshall Teller.

I knew my new hometown was going to be different from where I grew up in New Jersey,

but this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me,

but Eerie, Indiana is the center of weirdness for the entire planet.

[CAWING]

Item, Elvis lives on my paper route.

Thank you, little paperboy.

Item, Bigfoot eats out of my trash.

Item, even man's best friend is weird.

Still don't believe me?

You will.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Men of Eerie.

If your 13 years old or over,

uh, step right up, buy your ticket.

This is your chance to do something good for your community.

One dollar.

SYNDI: Why don't you enter this thing?

I hear the Harvest King gets all the Harvest Babes.

No thanks, I've got a life.

Don't miss your chance

to see the Eerie wolf.

Marshall, guess who's back?

MARSHALL: I wasn't the only one who thought that

this Harvest King hoopla was for the birds.

I hadn't seen that weird kid with the grey hair since

our little adventure with the ghost of Grungy Bill.

I could tell he wasn't somebody to mess with.

Seems we were the only two guys not buying lottery tickets.

Why?

Did he know something I didn't?

The Harvest King gets all sorts of dorky prices.

But then he must go out into the woods during a full moon

until he catches a glimpse of the mysterious Eerie wolf.

What I wanted to know was,

how come there's no such thing as an Ex-Harvest King?

I mean,

why do they have this lottery thing every 13 years?

What's with the dumb wolf?

There's nothing dumb about a wolf.

They're the most intelligent and cunning of animals.

If the Harvest King is able to see the Eerie Wolf,

not only will Eerie have a big harvest,

We'll have 13 years of good luck and low taxes.

It's tradition.

Not only that, Mars,

they put your face on the wall.

You'll be a hero.

And what do you think of the Harvest King tradition?

Oh, Mr. Chaney,

the day our son was selected the 1979 Harvest King...

Was the happiest day of our lives.

Yeah, but where's your son now?

BOTH: He's in Spain.

You see that, Mars?

He even won a trip to Europe.

MARSHALL: Yeah, right.

Let's go.

RADFORD: Hey, you!

Thought I told you to stay away from here.

Get out of here!

Hey...

And don't come back you prematurely grey little sneak.

Who was that?

It's a long story.

That kid keeps scourging around here for food.

The nerve of some people.

MARSHALL: I couldn't help but wonder,

who would be the next Harvest Sucker?

That night, behind closed doors,

powers that be chose the Harvest King.

You know, Winston,

I was thinking,

maybe we shouldn't do this anymore.

Watch your mouth.

We have no choice.

The lottery's traditional.

In case you haven't noticed,

there's a recession out there.

Hmm.

Seeing the Eerie wo...

Wolf could really turn things around.

But haven't you guys ever wondered

why the Harvest King always...

Disappears?

BOTH: Coincidence.

CHANEY: Look, we have to pick somebody.

Otherwise, all the crops will fail.

What about that sneaky kid with the... With the hair.

Yeah, I did catch him shoplifting today.

Give me a blank ticket.

He's perfect.

No one will miss him.

What's his name?

Yeah, nobody seems to know.

I'll just put

the kid with the grey hair.

[KISSES]

Here.

[WOLF HOWLING]

C'mon. Let's get home.

They're showing The Howling on cable tonight.

Oh, The Howling.

I love that movie.

[WHISPERING] Marshall...

Teller.

And the 1992 Harvest King is...

What's going on here? This isn't the name.

What difference does it make? Read it.

And the lucky winner is

our very own boy from New Jersey,

Marshall Teller.

Me?

I won?

Wait a minute.

Wait.

What's going on here?

I didn't even enter.

MARSHALL: I couldn't believe it.

I never won anything in my life,

let alone a lottery I didn't even enter.

All of a sudden, everybody in Eerie,

farmers, store owners, even cute girls and total strangers

wanted to be my friend.

[CLEARS THROAT] On behalf of the farming community in Eerie,

we'd like to congratulate you

for winning the Eerie lottery.

As a token of our gratitude,

we'd like to give you this cow.

[MOOING]

Mom!

Thank you.

That's a lovely animal.

Thank you very much.

Come on in, everybody.

Which one is Marshall Teller?

Peach fuzz.

* Ta-da

MARSHALL: Okay,

maybe being Harvest King isn't so bad.

I mean, who am I to turn down a Kingship?

[MOOING]

I am so proud.

Me too, honey.

I think... Is that cow house broken?

Young Mr. Teller, it's time to go to

Wolf Mountain to see the Eerie Wolf.

MARSHALL: But while my family and I were raking in the loot,

that grey haired kid was in the library

looking for 13 year old copies of the Eerie Examiner.

No.

October, 1927. This is it.

MARSHALL: The next thing I knew,

it was my turn to go up on the Wolf Mountain

with Mr. Chaney.

I wanted to see the mysterious Eerie Wolf.

But I also wanted to see tomorrow.

Hey, mister, can I take off the goofy hat?

No.

It's tradition.

Great.

Geez, it's kind of cold up here...

It's also traditional not to talk.

Sorry.

It'll scare the wolf.

What's that?

Candy.

Tradition is very clear on this.

You can't eat up here.

The wolf...

Wolf doesn't like it.

The wolf doesn't like it?

[WALKIE BUZZING]

What's that?

Look,

I don't care what tradition says.

I'm going to stay in touch with my pal Simon, okay?

Okay.

Yo, Simon,

is that you? Over.

Mars, are you there?

Are you there?

Mars, I can't find you.

Yo, Simon, I can't hear you.

Simon, I can't hear you.

Come in Mars, come in.

Mars, Mars...

Where are you?

MARSHALL: So...

How long have you been doing this Harvest King thing?

Long time.

Oh.

So is the wolf really as scary as they say?

Worse.

So,

what exactly happened to all the guys that saw the wolf before?

They're in... Spain.

Oh.

You Simon, are you there?

Simon?

I'm on station wolf base one.

There's a high chance of mega weirdness.

Try staying in contact.

The moon.

That means he's coming.

Yo, Simon, come in.

Put that thing away.

Mr. Chaney, are you okay?

[SNARLING]

Okay, if you're trying to scare me, it's working.

Now cut it out.

MARSHALL: Suddenly, I was nose to nose

with something so ugly,

my heart nearly exploded.

In it's eyes I saw only I thought,

dinner time.

[GROWLING]

It's you.

Well, it ain't the log lady.

Thanks, man.

You saved my life.

Don't get used to it.

Don't tell anybody.

Marshall, you're alive.

Wow, is that the Eerie Wolf?

More like the Eerie Wolfman.

That's why there's a lottery.

Feed the werewolf, get 13 years of luck.

And low taxes.

Kind of a hairy sucker, ain't he?

What're you doing here?

Check out these newspaper clippings.

It says here,

the last five winners of this Harvest Dude lottery,

they all went to Spain.

Kind of a coincidence, don't you think?

I smell a cover-up.

Yeah, you got it, pal.

If I hadn't gotten here sooner, you'd be werewolf kibble by now.

People wonder why I have grey hair.

Marshall, look. Your arm.

He got me.

The werewolf got me.

Would you quit whining, it's just a flesh wound.

Don't you know what this means?

Next full moon, I could turn into him.

It.

MARSHALL: After a few more whacks with the log to make sure

he didn't wake up,

we lugged the werewolf down to my house.

The good news was my parents didn't wake up.

The bad news was the werewolf had slashed me.

Yeah, that should hold him.

SIMON: Sure is ugly.

Now what do we do?

I still say we out a stake right through his heart.

That's for vampires.

Besides, I need to talk to this guy.

DASH: Talk about what?

You've seen those old wolfman flicks.

As soon as this guy wakes up, he ain't going to remember anything.

I say we put him out of his misery,

sell his sorry carcass to the zoo,

and split the profits.

I'm telling you,

he's my werewolf and he's staying right here.

DASH: Look, this is not just a monster,

this is guaranteed fast cash.

All we have to do is call the Inquirer, we'll be famous...

We're not calling anybody.

This thing scratched me.

I gotta find out if that means I'm going to turn into a werewolf too.

Think we should call a doctor?

Simon, he's a werewolf.

An animal.

Should we call a vet?

[COW MOOING]

I've got an idea. Listen, you stay with the werewolf...

No, no, no.

The critter's half mine. I go where you go.

All right.

Simon, you stay with the werewolf.

If he comes to you, ka-bong him.

Whatever you do,

don't let my sister or my parents find out.

Got it.

What's the plan?

We're gonna pay the powers-that- be a little visit.

By now our little Harvest King is

halfway to Spain.

To 13 more years of good luck and...

Low taxes.

And to the Mayor who delivered it to Eerie.

Boy, if this doesn't give me the farm vote, nothing will.

[DOORS OPEN]

It's Marshall Teller.

Mayor Chisel, we gotta talk.

Yeah, and we won't take no for an answer.

Unless of course you'd rather we talked to Geraldo first.

Does he have to do that?

Every 13 years, Eerie offers one of it's own citizens to werewolf.

For what, Chisel? Better harvest?

Low taxes?

Is that worth it?

Put the hardware down, we'll talk.

CHISEL: Listen boys,

you have no idea what Eerie was like before this lottery was started.

Yeah, but you're feeding people to a werewolf.

Marshall,

there's no such thing as werewolves.

Look, I'm gonna blow the whistle on you.

After today, everyone in Eerie's gonna know.

Know what?

Some wild story about a werewolf from a couple of kids?

You have no evidence.

Yeah, but all those guys disappeared the same...

It's a coincidence.

It is a coincidence, isn't it?

DASH: Now I get it.

You don't wanna know, do you?

Look guys, deep inside,

everybody in Eerie has their doubts, but

nobody talks about it.

And as long as people don't talk about it,

everything is a-okay and everyone's happy.

Well, I'm gonna talk about this.

And I know plenty of people who are going to listen.

You're dreaming, kid.

This town, heck...

This whole country

has a long tradition of

looking the other way.

The Warren Commission, Watergate, Iran-Contra,

the October Surprise, Eerie's Harvest King,

People don't want to know about this stuff.

Because if they knew about it, they might have to do something about it.

So wake up and smell the coffee, kiddo.

You're on your own.

Yeah, if you really believe in werewolves,

I'd be more worried about that little scratch on your arm.

See you around, kid.

Better stock up on flea powder.

You too, Radford?

It's a...

It's a tradition.

Come on Marshall,

hurry up.

I'm hungry.

Stay here.

[ENJOYING]

Uh-oh.

[SCREAMING]

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man, oh, man. Oh, man, oh, man.

[SIGHS]

[SNARLING]

[SCREAMING]

[CRASHING]

Syndi, are you okay?

Marshall,

it was the biggest,

hughest raccoon you ever saw.

Enormous.

I'm never eating apple pie again.

Umm, yeah, yeah. Well, we took care of it.

Just, go get some sleep.

Go get some beauty rest.

I'm fine, guys.

I'm fine.

I ain't afraid of no werewolf.

Where's the werewolf?

He went out that door.

We gotta stop him.

But how?

How'd you stop a werewolf?

How'd you stop a werewolf?

According to the 1992 Werewolf Companion,

you shoot 'em.

With a silver bullet, of course.

I heard what you said, Marshall.

I'm not looking the other way anymore.

Let's go bag a werewolf.

And when that's done, I'm taking a aim at this Warren Commission thing.

BOTH: Yes!

MARSHALL: So that night, we went werewolf hunting,

having decided the best thing to do was end this once and for all.

The only thing we didn't know was

whether the silver bullet will really work or not.

I mean, they work in the movies.

This was real life.

MARSHALL: [WHISPERING] Must be close by.

RADFORD: I'm just a little nervous.

We have only one silver bullet.

If I miss...

Do you hear something.

There he is.

Get him Radford, get him.

Shoot him. Go on, hurry up.

Don't miss.

You only have one shot.

Wait, don't shoot.

CHANEY: What's going on? It's Chaney.

What am I doing here?

You're not going to believe this, Mr. Chanye,

but you're a werewolf.

[HOWLING]

SIMON: There he goes again.

[GROWLING]

[NERVOUSLY] Later.

[ROARING]

Shoot him, Radford. Shoot him.

DASH: Do it, will ya?

I can't, I'll hit Marshall.

[YELPING]

SIMON: Do you see that?

You did it. You got him!

[GROANS]

My foot.

Quite a shot, if I do say so myself.

Come on guys, give me a hand.

MARSHALL: We did it.

We shot the werewolf with the silver bullet.

Okay, we just winged him.

But we cured Mr. Chaney.

He'll never again turn into this mega-ugly monster,

terrifying Eerie every 13 years.

But what about me?

That was Radford's only silver bullet.

Who is gonna cure me?

As soon as we took care of Chaney,

we raided the World O' Stuff

for anything that might cure me of

turning into a werewolf.

"Two scoops of the freeze dried liver

"of an Amazonian vampire bat."

Yum-yum.

Two scoops.

Ah, we'll use it all.

All right. Now,

a quart of fresh chicken blood.

It's good blood.

You don't expect me to drink that, do you?

All right, this will make you right as rain.

If it doesn't kill you first.

Vlad the Impaler's eyeball.

Careful, those are hard to come by.

[DASH LAUGHS]

Guys, we're just wasting our time.

I'm doomed to being a teenage werewolf.

Bottoms up, Marsh. [SNICKERS]

MARSHALL: I didn't quite escape the effects of my encounter with the werewolf.

The next night,

there was a full moon and something strange happened to me.

Good thing it was just a scratch.

Think my parents will notice?

Knowing your parents,

nah.

Well, if they do,

I'll just chalk it up to puberty.

Puberty.

Now that's eerie.

Just wait till it's your turn.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]