Original subtitles

My name is Marshall Teller.

I knew my new hometown was going to be different

from where I grew up in New Jersey.

But this is ridiculous.

Nobody believes me, but Eerie, Indiana,

is the center of weirdness for the entire planet.

[CAWING]

Item, Elvis lives on my paper route.

Thank you, little paperboy.

Item, Bigfoot eats out of my trash.

Item, even man's best friend is weird.

Still don't believe me? You will.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

MARSHALL: Back in New Jersey we had blizzards

and the occasional hurricane.

But it was equal opportunity weather.

It went after everybody.

But here in Eerie Indiana,

I couldn't help feeling that bad weather

was after me personally.

Especially Tornadoes.

Tornadoes are 200 mile an hour windstorms.

With minds of their own.

But here in Eerie,

instead of taking shelter in their basements,

people celebrated something called Tornado Day.

WOMAN: Having a slight problem,

with the main functions of a transfer panel.

MAN: Commander, all the components

have been extended. It's a go.

Marshall, Simon, time to go to the picnic.

I'm not going.

Marsh, it's our first Tornado Day.

How can you even think of going?

Every year, a tornado named Old Bob,

strikes Eerie on the same day.

And they've turned it into some kind of mondo voodoo

pagan ritual.

Do you ever have a normal thought?

What happened?

Can't find the off switch on your blow dryer.

Marshall, it's just a local superstition, an excuse for a picnic.

Tornadoes are the most unpredictable events in nature.

Look at it this way. Ever see a groundhog on Groundhog Day?

And there isn't a cloud in the sky.

One year, a tornado did carry off

Mr. Degen Ford.

Everybody said Old Bob was picking on him.

For not going to the picnic.

Simon, you've been hanging around Marshall too much.

Simon, didn't you say you bought a raffle ticket?

Uh, I did, but I was forced.

I know why he won't go with us.

It all started the first time he saw The Wizard Of Oz.

He's afraid of tornadoes.

The only thing I am afraid of

is being seen in public with you.

All right. All right. Enough, okay.

Marshall, if you're worried about tornadoes, stay here.

If a cyclone comes and you hear a siren,

and that's a big if,

just go down to the south-east...

No, no, no, that's the south-west corner.

The basement. Okay, let's go, don't want to be late.

Old Bob might have a cow.

Last chance to change your mind.

No way.

Suit yourself. Simon?

No thanks, Mrs. Teller.

[CAR REVVING]

They're crazy.

Loony tunes.

But, after an hour,

if Old Bob hasn't shown up,

could we go to the drawing?

We interrupt our Commander Cody marathon

for this special report.

I'm weatherman Wally from W-E-R-D weather central.

Our weather map shows this cell, a violent air,

four miles off of Eerie,

moving Northwest at a high rated speed.

Just in time for the Tornado Day drawing...

-[SIREN BLARING] -Bob's back right on schedule.

[STRAINING]

BOTH: Whoa!

[LOUD CRASH]

[DOG BARKING]

[METAL CREAKING]

Mister, are you all right?

Where are we?

SIMON: Eerie Indiana.

Amazing.

Absolutely amazing!

My last navigational check

showed me blowing up Highway Three out of Muncie.

Why aren't you boys at the picnic?

What are you trying to do?

Make him mad?

Make who mad?

Old Bob.

MARSHALL: Eerie Indiana, day 139.

He said his name was Howard Raymer,

and that he fell out of a tornado.

Even on the Eerie's scale of weirdness from one to ten,

ten being the weirdest,

this was definitely a nine,

and a half.

Want some Dijon with that?

Yeah, good idea.

How did you get in the tornado?

Hmm, I picked up Old Bob's yearly formation

just east of Indianapolis yesterday afternoon.

And the mesocyclone

started to shape up early this morning.

Next thing I knew... [whistling]

I was aloft.

[HOWARD CLEARS THROAT]

Six hours inside the old tornado rider.

Sounds dangerous.

[CHUCKLES] It's incredibly dangerous.

But, hey, somebody's got to do it.

I work for NOAA.

The guy from the bible?

No, no, no, NOAA.

The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

I am a meteorologist.

I've never met a weatherman before.

No, weatherman are guys

who were stupid pink bow ties on TV.

A meteorologist is a scientist.

Sorry.

It's okay.

Besides an iron will and nerves of steel,

you need scientific training,

to deal with tornadoes.

Three hundred miles per hour winds

can drive a piece of straw through a tree.

Or strip the clothes off a man.

Tornado is as temperamental as a two-year-old

who's lost his toys.

You make it sound like it's alive.

That's my theory.

And all violent weather systems,

tornadoes, cyclones, hurricanes, waterspouts are alive.

Why else would people give them names?

Like Old Bob?

Old Bob in particular.

He likes to collect things.

I think he picked up Amelia Earhart.

Sucked her right out of the Pacific.

Simon.

Remember that old Lockheed Electra

they found in Deadwood Park?

Amelia Earhart's plate.

You don't suppose she is that old lady

we always see jogging?

So what makes you think tornadoes are living things?

[SCOFFS] Come with me.

What is this thing anyway?

My own invention.

Tornado rider.

This is a radio isotopic thermally generated

cyclonic acoustic data storage unit.

Built it myself.

I'd suppose you'd have to.

What's it do?

It records the vocal sounds of a tornado.

You're listening to Old Bob himself.

[WIND HOWLING ON TAPE]

Sounds like a bunch of wind.

That's what everyone says.

My boss, my girlfriend.

You just have to listen.

This... is proof.

[INDISTINCT VOICES]

That's the voice of a tornado?

No way.

How does it know your name?

We're old pals,

Bob and me.

What did you mean when you said, "Old Bob was mad"?

Madder than a bumblebees in a blender.

Big storms have big egos.

In Bob, I hate the name.

Bob, is no exception.

Every year he leaves Eerie alone,

because they throw a picnic for him.

When you guys didn't go...

Well, he took that as a sign of disrespect.

You mean to tell me that the twister's mad,

because I missed a picnic?

Listen to this.

OLD BOB: Marshall. Marshall Teller.

Marshall. Marshall Teller.

Marshall, you got to believe me.

If I don't get back up in that twister fast,

there's no telling what kind of damage he might do.

Do what you got to do. Get him out of here.

I will, but I need your help.

Wait a second.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hi. Happy Tornado Day.

Hi, Officer.

Happy Tornado Day.

Mom.

Dad, it's over.

Are you sure?

Sure I am sure.

It was just Old Bob.

Hey, folks, you know right now that Bob

has passed us by,

I think we're about ready to begin all the adventures.

In fact, why don't we join Miss. Tornado Day

for the grand drawing?

Duty calls.

Bye, sweetheart.

So, Marshall was right,

Old Bob appeared right on schedule.

How can you be so calm?

Well, what happened really was just

the way everyone said it would be.

Every year Old Bob appears,

takes his swipe at the trailer court and moves on.

I am worried about Marshall.

I am sure he was safe in the basement

the moment the siren sounded.

I'll give him a call.

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

Teller Residence.

Hi, Dad.

No, no, no, it's all right.

No, uh...

No, we hardly felt it here.

No, no!

Every thing's perfectly normal.

Yeah, bye.

I wasn't quite sure how to act around Howard,

but we had to do something.

It was my fault that Bob was on the...

Message recorded. I am all set.

These jumper cables will be able to turn

every warning siren in Eerie into a giant set of speakers.

If that doesn't get the message across, nothing will.

Ready, troops?

Uh, after you, Marsh.

What about you, Marshall? Are you with me?

Or against me?

Anything to scare Old Bob.

Simon, if anything happens--

I can have your bike?

Simon.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Step right up.

Time's running out to enter the 87th annual Tornado Day

grand prize sweepstakes.

Take a chance to win an all new trailer

courtesy of Eerie RV world.

Second prize in the big blowout sweepstakes

is a three day all expense paid vacation

to our sister city of Normal Illinois.

[INDISTINCT WARBLING OVER LOUDSPEAKERS]

God, what's that?

You ever heard a tornado warning that weird?

This does not bode well.

I hope no one here's been disrespectful.

Edgar, we better go home.

No one's going anywhere.

This is an emergency situation.

Everyone will take shelter in this building.

MARSHALL: Item, in September 1967,

a tornado struck St. Louis Missouri.

Destroying a whole row of five story buildings,

but leaving a kid's lemonade stand untouched.

I couldn't let that happen.

Not even to Eerie.

Old Bob had to go. Today.

For good. I wanted this to be his last tornado.

[WARBLING CONTINUES]

That should get Old Bob's attention.

Meaning? He's leaving.

We really saved Eerie?

All right! Hi-five.

Huh? Oh.

So what exactly did we say to Old Bob?

This.

Bob, it's me Howard.

Your mama was a death devil, Bob.

Come and get me, Bob,

you big bag of wind.

"Come and get me"?

"You big bag of wind"?

I am no expert, but I am pretty sure it's not smart

to tease a tornado.

I mean, that could bring him back.

I want him to come back.

Old Bob is dangerous and I can't stop him

unless I'm inside of him with the tornado rider.

Are you sure your brain didn't get scrambled

spinning around in Old Bob?

If he did turn around, he can murderize us.

Bingo.

Marshall! Marshall, look!

It's Old Bob.

MARSHALL: It's true, he's right there.

What should we do?

Ever wondered just what you'd do

if you only had ten minutes to live?

No.

Now is your chance.

Come and get me, Bob.

This time it's personal!

[WIND HOWLING]

[SCREAMING]

MARSHALL: Okay. Having a tornado hunter

land on your front lawn might be cool at first.

But how was I to know he was going to pick a fight

with a killer tornado?

Howard, forget this hero stuff.

We've got to get in the basement.

Southwest corner.

You go ahead. I've got an appointment

with an old friend.

Don't go out there. You're gonna get us all killed.

[THUNDER CRASHING]

MARSHALL AND SIMON: Geez Louis!

Howard...

I think Old Bob just nuked your tornado rider.

What did we ever do to him anyway?

[SIGHS]

Well, that baby originally went over Niagara Falls.

Maybe I could borrow your bike.

No way. The basement, now.

I'll go out there naked if I have to.

Why? It's me he's mad at.

You don't understand it.

It's for my friends.

SIMON AND MARSHALL: "Friends"?

Six years ago,

I was in charge of this group at NOAA.

We were all obsessed with tornadoes.

Some were researchers, some were daredevils,

but we all had one thing in common.

We all wanted to know the secrets.

I knew it was dangerous,

but I was arrogant.

I lead seven men into the belly of Old Bob.

Only I came out.

That tornado killed my friends.

I got to do something about it.

Getting killed won't help.

[SIGHS] All I want to do is trick Old Bob

into crossing Lake Eerie.

The moist cool air will finish him.

How do you trick a tornado?

You ride 'em like a rodeo cowboy.

Ee-ha!

Longer you hang on, the more control you have.

Using my cyclonic data unit,

I can get into the exact center of the funnel.

Then I've got a chance to steer it.

[SIGHS]

Where am I gonna find a new tornado rider?

I've got an idea. Come on.

That's Old Bob now.

I wish you could stop talking about him

like he's college buddy.

No, honey, this happens every year.

Doesn't it, Radford?

No. I've never seen it this bad before.

It's terrifying, the wind speed...

Thanks, I needed that.

Please move to the rear of the store.

Good idea.

Well, shouldn't we be on the ground somewhere?

Like in a basement?

The store was hardened against nuclear strikes.

It's perfectly safe.

Sweetheart, come on.

I'll be right there.

So what about you, Officer?

I laugh a danger.

[SCREAMS]

What do you think?

It's perfect.

Isn't this stealing?

This is an emergency. It's borrowing.

All right, come here.

Marsh, what are you doing?

And the winner is...

Pick me, pick me, pick me.

What's your number?

One hundred and three.

What do you know, 103 it is.

Congratulations, Simon Holmes, now let's go.

I won the trailer? I really won?

I've never won anything before.

MARSHALL: Simon, come on.

HOWARD: Heave ho!

[GRUNTING]

* Nearer, my God, to thee

* Nearer to thee

* Nearer, my God, to thee

Old Bob sure is riled up this year.

We maybe forced to take some extraordinary measures.

You don't mean...

Right. Human sacrifice is barbaric.

Besides, where will we be find

an innocent, chaste, unsuspecting maiden?

What?

We don't have much time!

Here, you might need this if you make to Lake Eerie.

Don't worry, I'll make it.

You seen my cyclonic data unit?

Look!

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

Ditto.

You boys better take shelter.

But what about your cyclonic data unit?

You will be flying blind without that.

It's a chance I'll have to take.

Now get inside. Now!

[SCREAMS]

Where is it?

SIMON: Where is what?

Marshall, it's too late.

I can't let Howard go without it.

Marshall, you'll kill yourself.

Howard, open up!

Marshall.

Get back in the house!

You forgot this.

Thanks.

That's a brave thing you did.

What?

I said, that was very brave.

Never mind. Get back inside!

Good luck! Take him out.

HOWARD: Hold on!

MARSHALL: I am holding!

Marshall, come back!

Hang on!

Help! Don't let go.

HOWARD: I won't. Just hold on!

Help me!

Howard...

[HOWARD SCREAMS] Marshall!

[SIREN BLARING]

Not again!

That's the all clear.

You are free to return to your homes.

God bless you all!

MAN: You want a sandwich?

Antacid?

[BOTH EXCLAIM]

This looks familiar.

Edgar!

Let's go find Marshall. Come on.

SIMON: Marshall? Marsh?

Olly olly oxen free.

He just walked out into the storm?

Our Marshall.

But he was so afraid of that tornado.

In the end, he was incredibly brave.

You know, I almost feel bad

about all the mean things I said.

Oh, Edgar.

Honey, nothing's gonna happen to Marshall.

He'll still turn up.

MARSHALL: Hey, what about "handsome"?

And I didn't hear "brilliant" or "cool".

[GASPS] Marshall, you're alive!

How on earth did you get up there on that tree?

I had a little help from Old Bob.

You mean you were outside when the tornado struck?

Didn't you hear the warning?

I had a job to do.

Hey, it's just Old Bob. Nothing to be afraid of, right?

Right. Now, get down out of that tree.

Marsh.

Where is Howard?

MARSHALL: That night, weatherman Wally

had a UFO report.

Someone had seen a spacecraft

that look a lot like a wind-master trailer

headed toward the great lakes at 300 miles an hour.

Maybe Howard was crazy.

Maybe he was some kind of genius.

I don't know.

But thanks to him, I'll never let Eerie scare me again.

Well, not as much.

HOWARD: Yee-haw!

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]