All language subtitles for Deadbeat.S01E07.The.Calamityville.Horror.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP.5.1.H.264-FLUX_track3_[eng]

You know who I am?

Yeah, you know who I am.

And I know who you are.

And I know you've got
that missing girl.

Uhh!

1661 Oakwood Drive.

Montauk.

You're going away
for a long time, dirt-face.

We got you on murder.

No. No, wait.
I see-- I see a girl.

She's there willingly.

It's some kind
of weird sexual role-play.

Damn it. That's not
even a crime.

Why would he hide that?Wedding ring.
He's married.

Adultery.
That's a class B miz.

Hear that, slut-boy? You're
looking at 30 days hard time

in the clink.Or a small fine.

This is going to be
one rap on the wrist

this perv won't enjoy.

ANNOUNCER:
Coming up next, the news.

I miss Camomile.

Maybe I should just
call her, right?

I'm just going to call her.
I'm just going to call her.

You know? I'll call her up.

[ clears throat ]

[ gurgles ]Shh.

CAMOMILE [ on voice mail ]
This is Camomile White.
Leave a message.

[ beep ]
Hey, bitch. It...

[ moans softly ]

Uh, sorry. That was my--
That was my, uh...

my barber... shop quartet
friends.

They were just leaving.

Uh, anyway, it's me,
Kevin Pacalioglu again.

Uh, just calling to say,
"What's up?"

And check in on you and just,
uh, ask you the question,

"Whatever happened to us?"

Just, you know,
a simple question.

The elephant in the room.

MAN:
Another cave-in
during construction

of the Second Avenue
subway line

has workers
threatening to strike.

Other lines will be shut down for precaution,

so if you plan on traveling
today, be safe out there.

And that is the reason I am not
allowed in Applebee's anymore.

Any Applebee's.
It's like a nationwide ban.

It's crazy.

[ sighs ]
So, you know, if you ever want
to go out sometime,

uh, give me a call.
I'm around.

It's been way too long.
Uh...

Speaking of things
that are way too long,

this voice mail is one of them.

Heh, heh.
Fits into that category.

But you know what they say.

Long voice mail, uh...

That was pretty good.

[ whimpers ]

I'm going to call her again.

Shh.

[ line ringing ]

Hey, bitch. I--

[ theme music playing ]

Hey!

Thanks for only being
an hour late.

Yeah, my pleasure, man.
Can't wait to start
the ransacking.

What the hell
is that helmet?

It's my Viking helmet,
for the ransacking.

You know, for the pillaging.Man, for the last time,

there's not gonna be
no ransacking or pillaging.

I bought a house in
foreclosure for dirt cheap.

We're gonna spruce it up,
put it back on the market

for more than I bought it.

Yeah, but I can still keep
all the goodies I ransacked
from inside, right?

Hell, yeah, you can do that.
Just gotta get rid of that
helmet.

If anything, you're more
of a scavenger, not a Viking.

Okay. I can work with that.You can work with that?

But can you work with this?

Oh. Is that what I think it is?Yup. Pot chocolates.

They make your day
more fun, you know?

I don't know, Roofie.
You and I don't do so
well with edibles.

You know what? They're not
supposed to be that strong.

No?Nah.

You know you like it.Just a couple squares.

Now, this is the house.

You own this?

It's like" Silence Of The Lambs"
up in this bitch.

I don't know. I think
this bitch looks pretty sweet.

Yeah, but we'll have to put
a lot of elbow grease in

if we wanna sell it.

Yeah, or we could find
some owners who are into it,

you know, as is.Oh, like a serial killer?

Yeah, or, like, a wizard.

Man, this don't look
like none of the pictures
on the site

that I bought it on.Well, I don't know.

Wait a minute.
You've never even been here?

No. I bought in on a site.
Look, check it out.

There's no signal.

Must be a dead zone.

I gotta say, Roofie,
honestly, I'm, uh...

I'm seeing about zero
potential with this
place altogether.

What are you talking about, man?
Just use your imagination.

Once we clear all this stuff
out, it'll be nice.

I'm not touching these dolls.
These are creeping me out.

But this on the other hand
looks like a pretty sweet
little--

It's a Tempur-Pedic.That is most definitely not
a Tempur-Pedic.

It is. I'm
scavenging this.

This is what scavenging
is all about.

We gotta start
somewhere. Come on.

It's light for a Tempur-Pedic.It's heavy to me.

Oh, hey, Roofie.Huh?

Remember those dolls
we were talking about,

like, two seconds ago?Yeah.

Yeah, now there's, like,
an identical set

lined up out here in the hall.

ROOFIE:
Aah! What?

Aah!

[ both scream ]

KEVIN:
Okay. What is this?

Mine won't open!KEVIN: I know. Me, neither.

Man, I can't believe
I bought a haunted house.

That's why it was so cheap.

You know what?
I must be tripping.

Maybe that's it. Maybe we're
still high from the chocolates.

You think so?No. I was just saying that

to make you feel
better. This place is
definitely haunted.

Oh, God. Come on, man.
Look, look, look.

You're a medium.
Use your medium skills.

Do something. Talk to the ghost.
Find out what it wants.

I don't know, Roofie.
Even if I find him,

there's no guarantee he'll talk.
Even if I do get him to talk,

there's no guarantee
that I'm gonna listen.

What? Could you please
just talk to the ghost, okay?

What do you want,
my soul or my money?

Stop, stop, stop.
Calm down. Stop it.

Listen. Stop, stop.
It's okay.

I'll do it.
What are you gonna do?

We split up.
Scooby Doo style.

I'm gonna find
another way out of here.

Okay. Good plan.They're not taking me alive.

[ child laughs ]

Hello, ghost?

Okay.

Way to go, house.

You have successfully
freaked out my friend.

Really, really, really amazing.
Great job.

Can't freak me out, though.
No. I'm a professional.

I'm a professional at this.

Wanna come out and have a little
one-on-one chat with me?

That'd be easy, huh?

But no, no. You wanna resort to
these ice cream parlor tricks.

Look at this.
Oldest one in the book.

Shutters on the windows are
locked. Come on, piece of cake.

Piece of cake.

Unh. That is really hooked
on there tight, huh?

Piece of cake!

Unh! Oh! Oh!

Oh. Oh, my God.
Did that actually just happen?

Oh, God.
I think my ass is broken.

Oh, it was worth it.

It feels good to laugh.
I needed that.

This floor is hard as a rock.Yeah, no kidding.

My stupid wife, Julep,
didn't want carpeting.

"Hardwood is classier."

Ohh. Was it too much
to ask for a rug?

That's what I said.
I keep telling her.

If we're gonna work on the
house, it's gotta be practical.

Not this froufrou
design crap.

Uhh!

Yeah. There is a lot
of froufrou around here.

I'm definitely gonna talk
to Roofie about that rug thing,

because you could break
your neck on a floor like this.

You know, I actually did
break my neck on this floor.

Seriously?

I had this huge fight
with my wife.

I got so upset, I slipped,
I fell down the stairs.

[ neck cracks ]

Ooh. Oh, both ways.

I didn't even get
to finish the fight.

Oh, that is classic unfinished
business you got there.

Ohh. What was the fight about?
Anything juicy?

Honestly? What color
to paint the kitchen.

Say, what if I were
to help you win that fight

by painting the kitchen
whatever color you wanted?

Far out.It is far out.

All right.

No. No, you...

I don't really get it, either.

Oh!Oh, geez!

What are you doing?Yo, I couldn't find a way out.

But I found
a screwdriver.

Maybe I can, like, get the door
unhinged. What about you?

Well, speaking of unhinged,

I met the ghost.
His name is Jack.

He wants me to paint
his kitchen this color of cream.

That sounds nice.
Is he reasonable?

No, if I'm being totally
honest. He's a bit
of a loose canyon.

You mean, cannon.
Like Nick, right?

No. Like the Grand.

Wait, that doesn't make
any sense.

Loose canyon.
Any moment the rocks
could just give way...

Rocks?
like a cannon.

Just, look,
forget the cannon.

You work on the kitchen,

I'll go figure out
how to get this door unhinged.

Deal. Excuse me.

[ sniffing ]

If you're gonna paint
the kitchen any color,

it should be fuchsia.

Fuchsia? Oh, you're
the wife. Julep.

You're the one
who got Jack so upset

he fell down the
stairs, right?

Is that what Jack told you?
He fell down the stairs
because of me?

Did he mention he only
fell down the stairs

after he stabbed me
in the chest 47 times?

What? No. He most certainly
did not mention that.

Also, 47 times? That seems
really, like, unnecessary.

The first few didn't take.

Well, Julep,
if I may be so bold,

you don't look a
stab wound over 20.

Thank you.You're welcome.

Wanna sniff?

[ child laughing ]

[ child crying ]

What are you doing?

I'm, uh, painting
the kitchen fuchsia.

But that's Julep's choice.

Yeah, well, I met her, okay?

And she told me

that you, like, stabbed her
in the chest 47 times.

Is that what she told you?
That I stabbed her in the chest?

She did.Did she mention

that I only stabbed her
after she tried to poison me?

No. What?Yup.

The kitchen paint dispute
had reached a climax.

She was so desperate
to get rid of me

that she poisoned
my after work seltzer.

My God. How did you know
that it was poisoned?

It's just a feeling I had,
I mean, in my gut.

Also, the seltzer
was pretty brown.

Okay, I got it. So you snapped,
you felt betrayed,

you grabbed a knife and...A screwdriver.

I was just trying
to open a paint can.

Wow, you guys are a couple
of whack jobs, aren't you?

Okay, I'm gonna go
and paint that kitchen fuchsia.

No way.Yes, just let me do it.
It's temporary,

so your wife will be happy
and move into her light. Okay?

Then I'll go back
and paint it cream for you.

Then you'll be happy.
Then I can get out of
this God forsaken house,

go paint the town red
with Roofie, call it a night.

It's a win, win, win.What?

What?You've woken the beast.

Uh-oh.

You were gonna lie to me?No, I...

Yeah. Yes. Okay, I was
being shifty. I'm sorry.

But, lady, you kind of
forgot to mention

that you were gonna
poison your husband.

If he had just painted the
kitchen fuchsia like I asked,

none of this would've happened.Stop it with the fuchsia.

What are we, a band of
circus performers?

Oh, and beige is
a much more refined choice.

It was not beige.
Cream.

What's the difference
between the two?

There is no difference.
That's the point.
It's just cream.

It doesn't need a fancy name.

There is nothing remarkable
about cream.

It is the color
of your mother's kitchen.

My mother's kitchen?

Your mother's looks like
a Goddamned Gypsy cart.

Whoa. Okay, guys, hey, I'm just
gonna say from experience,

let's leave the moms and
the gypsies out of this, okay?

Let me tell you something
about fuchsia, okay, Jack?

Fuchsia is spontaneous.
It's sexy. It's free.

Fuchsia is fine
the first time you see it.

But not when you come home,
and you have to have it

assault your senses every
day for 30 years!

Unlike cream, who sits
in the corner at the
cocktail party

and makes no attempt
at conversation with anybody.

Cream, you don't have
to explain to your friends.

It's warm, it's safe.
I like cream!

Okay, let me make
a little suggestion, if I may.

Robin's egg blue.
Super hip right now.

BOTH:
Shut up!

[ rumbling ]

Oh, my God. I just finished
my last seven years.

Okay, well, I am glad
you two calmed down

because you were breaking
a lot of stuff that I
was gonna scavenge.

What?So let's start. Ahem.

I have a hunch that you guys
are having a problem moving on,

because we need to fix
this marriage,

so why don't we try
a little role playing. Okay?

I will be playing, obviously,

the role of
the marriage counselor.

You two can play whatever parts
you want, you know?

Pilot, veterinarian,
lady plumber.

Why don't we just play
husband and wife?

Oh, my God, that's a good idea.
Yes. Thank you for that.

Actually, that would help me
a lot with my thing.

You know, being
a marriage counselor.

[ child laughing ]

Hello, ghost?

I'm trying real hard
not to be the scared black guy

in a haunted house.

Okay?

[ child laughing ]

[ screaming ]

Okay. You two were obviously
very much in love at one point.

Let's start there.It was a long time ago.

It was easier to be in love
back then. It was the '50s.

The McCarthy years.
KEVIN: Yeah.

Something obviously kept you
guys together. What was that?

The only thing that kept us
together, honestly, was Brianne.

Who?Our daughter.

Rose petals?

[ child screams ]

[ screams ]

Oh, yeah, right, your daughter.

I did see
the little girl's room before.

You know, with all the dolls.

She was no little girl.
She was 30 years old.

30?

She's [ bleep ] 30?

She was a little eccentric.She was a weirdo.

30 years old,
didn't have a boyfriend.

Spent all day inside,
playing with her dolls.

She was shy.

You never gave her a chance
to express herself.

[ slurping ]

Can I just ask you something?
What do you mean, she was shy?

My wife killed her.What?

Oh, that is not fair.

She came home the
night of the incident.

She saw us dead,
she called the cops--

She tried to call the cops,
she could barely speak,

she grabbed the first drink
she could find, the seltzer.

The one she...?With the poison in it?

From when Julep tried
to poison me earlier.

Oh, yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
got it. Okay. Good.

No, that's a really
effed-up story.

She's gotta be pretty pissed
with you guys.

[ Roofie moaning ]

What was that?Sounded like a man orgasming.

Or it could be somebody dying.

Roofie! Hey!

Roofie! Hey! Roofie!

What the hell is going on, man?
I got this, like, ghost blowjob

or hand job or energy job.
I don't know what's going on.

Then it just got kind of weird.

Yeah, you're being
held hostage by a
creepy ghost chick.

What? Is she hot?

Yeah.

Brianne, put that down.Right now, young lady.

No, it's fine.
He's my boyfriend.

I just need to kill him
so he can, you know,

see me and then we
can be together.

No, don't kill him.

What?Brianne. He's not
your boyfriend.

You just met him.

Oh, what? You think
once he sees me,
he won't be interested?

What? No.You can't jump into something

serious with someone
you barely know.

But I do know him.
We were intimate.

I'm just gonna jump in here
for a quick second and say that

the rate I quoted you earlier
was for couples' counseling.

This is technically
family counseling now.

So it's gonna...Brianne, listen.

You don't wanna
tie yourself down

to the first guy
you fall for.

You'll regret it
your entire afterlife.

Your mother's right.
Thirty years from now,

you'll be trapped
in a loveless marriage.

Hey, hey, hey,
what's going on?

Because from my point
of view, it's just
a bunch of silence,

and I got this
screwdriver pointing at me.

What's going on is,
a few minutes ago

I was making real progress
with this couple,

and now they're talking about

being trapped
in a loveless marriage.

What happened?Just tell them to get a divorce.

That's not an option.What would people say?

They're concerned about
the social concussions

of getting a divorce.

I guess it wasn't
as common back then.

Tell them now it's actually
less common for people
not to get a divorce.

Really?What?

Jack, I think I
want a divorce.You do?

I'm sorry.
When we first met,

you had just come back
from the war

and I looked at you
as this adventurous hero.

You were the first woman
I'd seen in, like,
three years.

I guess it wasn't
enough, was it?

I'm sorry I tried
to poison you.

I'm sorry I stabbed
you in the chest
a couple of times.

Forty-seven times.

Forty-seven?Yeah.

No hard feelings?

I can't believe it.Oh, no, no, don't worry.

I think it all goes
to the same place.

I mean, they didn't even
say goodbye to me.

Oh.It makes sense.

I'm 30, living
at home, single.

Again, maybe that was a little
weird back in the '80s,

but nowadays
that's pretty standard.

Really?

Yeah. Plus, you got
this really cool...

doll collection
that you keep.

And, uh, look at you.
You're a catch.

Okay. They're gone. So...

You okay?

I don't know, man.
I feel kind of violated.

But, like, in a good way.

Oh, yeah?
What did it feel like?

It was like having sex
with a Jacuzzi jet
with no Jacuzzi.

Nice.

[ both groaning ]

Man. So happy to be
out of the haunted house.

That place sucked.

Too bad you didn't get
to scavenge anything.

I wouldn't say
I didn't get anything.

I got this awesome
Viking helmet.

You came here with that.I did?

What about you?
You get anything?

Nah, man, you know what?
I'm done.

This place got bad
vibes. I'm out.

Yeah? I think that's smart.
Let's get something to eat.

All right.

I'm gonna eat,
like, 17 burritos.

[ child laughing ]

[ theme music playing ]