Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Ewe
Faroese
Filipino
Finnish
French
Frisian
Ga
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hindi
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Igbo
Indonesian
Interlingua
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Javanese
Kannada
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kurdish (Soranî)
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lingala
Lithuanian
Lozi
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Malayalam
Maltese
Maori
Marathi
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Nigerian Pidgin
Northern Sotho
Norwegian
Norwegian (Nynorsk)
Occitan
Oriya
Oromo
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Punjabi
Quechua
Romansh
Runyakitara
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Serbo-Croatian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Spanish (Latin American)
Sundanese
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Telugu
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Tshiluba
Tumbuka
Turkish
Turkmen
Twi
Uighur
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
Xhosa
Yiddish
Yoruba
Zulu
[Jimmy] Previously on Picket Fences...
‐I can't believe you did this. ‐It's my hair.
You're not a blond.
It's my hair and I'll do what I want with it.
You didn't even have the courtesy to tell me.
Whatever I can legally do to get my client off, I do it.
What's happened to you?
What you did in that courtroom just now was without honor.
I can no longer...
call you my friend.
Everyone thinks I broke up with Max because of her hair
like it's some big joke, ha ha.
Had nothing to do with the hair,
she didn't respect me.
Before Kenny and I got involved, we were best friends.
Now we can't stand the sight of each other.
What happened?
I'm not prepared
to die alone.
You're not going to die, Henry.
You're a stubborn son of a bitch,
Douglas Wambaugh.
And you're my friend.
Now get out before I have another heart attack.
[knock on door]
[door opens]
‐Zachary, get out. ‐[door closes]
I came to invite you to my birthday party.
It's tonight, seven o'clock, no gifts.
Mustard chicken, chocolate cake, vanilla ice cream.
Why do you want me to come to your birthday party?
I like you.
Mmm!
And you shouldn't take it for granted
that old people will be around forever.
So I'm inviting you this year while you're still alive.
[Jimmy] He's delivering invitations?
I told him no more than four.
I hate birthdays on weekdays.
Why?
Joey's out today, I gotta cover for her.
Stupid flu season isn't gonna end,
and half my patients won't take antibiotics
because of the homeopathic gurus,
then the parents blame me
when their kids keep hacking up lung biscuits.
That's right, just tune it out,
just walk in there with that big Jimmy Brock
woe‐is‐me sigh and tell everybody your wife woke up a bitch.
‐Anything the matter? ‐I want my housekeeper,
that's what's the matter. How can I be super mom,
medicine woman here and there, the mayor,
and still have to do these dishes, dishes, dishes.
They never get done, do they?
‐Oh, look, here's one that's done. ‐[shatters]
There, that one's done.
[Jimmy] His hair is green.
Did I pick a bad day to do this?
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]
It's for Zach, for his birthday.
This is your gift?
You don't always have to buy something, Mom.
Nobody busted Little Drummer Boy
when he played his drum for Jesus.
‐He didn't bring any gift. ‐You did that to your head
so you could be the Little Drummer Boy?
Dad, tell her.
At least give me one of these!
[Max] You want us to come?
Yes, no gifts, your presence will be your presents.
Oh!
I prefer if you wouldn't change your hairstyle.
and things would probably go smoother
if you wouldn't try to kiss my sister.
And my father won't fart, he gave me his word.
[Douglas] Ahh.
‐[Jill] Again. ‐Ahh!
Looks fine.
They hurt.
You don't even have tonsils, Doug,
‐how could they hurt? ‐Well, they do.
Ooh, it even hurts when I do this.
Then don't do that. You're just fine.
Things can't lay dormant, Jill.
How could a person have multiple sclerosis and no symptoms?
Doug...
Sometimes I look in the mirror and I wonder...
The Grim Reaper,
suppose he looks like me. He could look like me,
I could look in the mirror,
look right at him and not even know it.
Tell you what, open your mouth, say "ahh."
If you see tonsils, it's probably the Reaper.
[opening door]
Next! Go.
This is not a sympathetic doctor.
[Kimberly] What do you mean, the change?
You know what I mean.
The change.
She's 43.
She's not going through menopause.
‐Shh! Honey. ‐Dad!
She's‐‐ she wakes up sweating, she has mood swings.
It's been going on for a week.
This morning, she broke a dish.
She wants a housekeeper.
Kimberly, I know your mother, this is not her.
She is going through the change.
You gotta do something.
Me? What about you? You're her husband.
I will talk to her, I will,
but she's gonna need‐‐
she's gonna need a lot of emotional support.
‐Now, believe it or not, you have a lot of power... ‐[door opens]
‐...that we both‐‐ ‐What's going on?
‐Get out! ‐Get out!
[door closes]
[both sigh]
Little things bother her.
Now, the first thing,
we got to get her through this birthday party.
[cutting noises]
[Kimberly] It doesn't look like you dropped it.
Well, I did.
What, you think I picked it up and threw it?
[continues cutting]
Well that seems to be a possibility, yes.
‐[stops cutting] ‐Don't you look at me like that.
‐Uh... ‐Mom,
you just smashed Zack's birthday cake against a wall,
exactly how should he look at you?
Fine, Kimberly, take his side.
I'm not your biological mother,
‐why should you support me? ‐[Kimberly] What?
Could you at least please help me clean this up?
What?
Next you're gonna be saying this is menopause.
This isn't menopause. I'm 43.
‐[phone ringing] ‐What's the matter with you?
Any excuse to hang a stigma on me
and you two just leap on it.
Menopause? Ha! But I'll tell you what.
I'll take a housekeeper with menopause.
‐One‐legged, even. Anything! ‐[phone continues ringing]
What?
‐Oh, hi! ‐Easy. Easy.
Um...
[sigh of relief]
Really? Oh, Billy!
Thank you. I, I so appreciate you doing the rush on it, Joey.
Thank you so much. [crying]
[laughing] Okay, bye.
[sigh]
I don't have menopause!
[kisses] Oh!
[kisses]
Thank you, thank you, God.
‐[bell ringing] ‐[Douglas] Henry, my friend!
[laughing] Henry, you got the invite too!
I'm glad.
You must feel honored.
‐Not anymore. ‐Ah, you're a character!
Truth be told, I never miss the Brocks' dinner.
Things happen when they eat.
Do you remember last year,
Jimmy with his blindfold, uh?
[chuckling] I thought the house would go lift off...
like those balloons.
‐You never know what you're going to get here. ‐Yeah.
‐I remember. ‐Oh, hi, come on in.
His head is glowing.
‐[Max] Anything else? ‐Nope, that's all.
It's a party. There is nothing wrong with dressing up.
A birthday party, he's 13 years old.
Don't tell me you're going to try and hit on him.
‐Oh, that is so funny! ‐You hit on the Pope, Max.
‐[unclear] ‐I'm surprised you don't have your own talk show.
I mean, you're after somebody tonight.
‐The dress, the perfume. ‐All that wit!
‐Imagine if you had half a sense of humor ‐...the car explodes.
‐to go along... ‐Boom, bam, boom. I'm driving here.
Fine, drive, just don't look at me.
[inhales deeply]
And don't smell me.
I suppose I can laugh about it now
but until I got those test results back,
I was totally insane.
[Douglas] I had a client with menopause once.
She killed her husband, tragic.
Squash.
Do we really have to discuss this at the table?
Actually, it's healthy to talk about it everywhere.
I read that once you remove the stigma from menopause,
women won't feel so cursed by it. Carrots?
‐Thanks. ‐[Jimmy] Even so...
this is a birthday dinner.
I remember when it happened to Myriam,
she'd get so confused.
I tell her you traded your period for question marks.
‐Quiet ‐A little punctuation humor.
I had a friend, went in to have his colon removed
and wound up in a comma. [laughter]
‐Shut up! ‐Oh, stop saying that!
‐Uh, so, Jill what was it? ‐What was what?
Uh, you know, the temper tantrums,
the flashes, if it wasn't menopause, what was it?
I don't know why,
um...
maybe I‐ maybe I just haven't been
getting enough sleep.
Or maybe she was worried that
the Little Drummer Boy here
wouldn't play at Zack's Bar Mitzvah.
‐Bite me. ‐Hey.
Excuse me, please.
‐Things are starting. ‐Shut up.
[Douglas] Uh, maybe she forgot the salad.
Why?
It was a good question.
If it isn't menopause then...
[deep sigh] anxiety over menopause
could trigger some of the same symptoms.
Maybe it's just that.
That could explain it except why should I be anxious?
I'm only 43 years old,
I have no reason to have that kind of anxiety.
It's ridiculous, it's absurd, it's ridiculous.
‐Why should I be anxious? ‐[door opens]
‐You're holding things off. ‐[Jill] Get back in there.
‐They're bored ‐Well then, entertain them, damn it.
Change religions a few times.
I'll be back before you're a Muslim.
[Jimmy] Jill.
[Jill] Go!
[sighs]
What?
It's his birthday.
I know. What's wrong with me?
I don't know...
but the Jill Brock I do know would never say‐‐
Oh, yes, she would.
It may suck but I said it, so what?
I should get an award for saying it.
You go back in there too
and please don't cut anything
but the cake.
I must be having some kind of crisis.
Okay...
do you know why?
I think it has something to do...
with Zack's birthday.
My baby...
The baby is...
He's a teenager.
Honey, he's barely a teenager,
Now, it'll be a long time before he leaves‐‐
Exactly! Five more years with that little bastard.
‐By the time he's gone, ‐Jill!
‐Kimberly could be a mother... ‐Do you hear what you're saying?
...and I could be a grandmother, my life is over.
‐What? ‐They grew up in a snap!
I stayed still, dead calm. 15 years of treading water.
First, it's, "Oh, just wait till they get out of diapers,"
then it's "wait till they go to school,"
then it's "wait there's more time,"
it's always been waiting for then, then, then...
"Then" turns out to be when I'm a grandmother!
What kind of a "then" is that?
They say you only get to go around once in life.
Well, that's crap. I never got to go around,
unless you count spinning in one spot, is that around?
Spinning? I never even got to look around.
I've been had. I'm stuck, stuck, stuck!
Oh, God, look, another undone dish.
Now it's done. I'm going to my room.
[Douglas] I heard a dish break.
Myriam used to throw dishes at me when I upset her.
Our HMO made a switch to paper plates.
[laughs]
Shut up.
Henry, I used to find your shut‐ups very endearing,
‐but I don't think so anymore. ‐I see.
Well, tell someone who's interested.
[sighs]
Uh, Jill went up to her room for a bit.
She's not feeling too well.
What do you mean she isn't feeling well?
It's my birthday, she should at least fake it.
She fakes it on yours.
I beg your pardon.
I heard her say that once, on the phone.
‐To who? ‐Is she coming back down?
Yes, of course, she's‐‐
I don't really know.
‐Is this because I'm part Jewish? ‐No, its‐‐ [sighs]
I'll talk to her.
Come on, Matthew, let's go [unclear] your eyebrows.
Good idea.
Excuse me.
Does this happen every time here or am I just lucky?
This is why I'm glad I'm not in a family.
People ask me, do you mind living alone?
I just laugh. I mean, what would I miss, the torment?
Plus which, with the family you'd probably have a husband
and he'd never let you leave the house dressed like that.
Why are you so threatened? You're not my husband.
I'm not threatened. Do I look threatened?
well, you're certainly talking like an ex‐boyfriend.
Maybe it's just that this dress brings back a memory that's too hard.
I'm speaking as a cop.
The dress reminds me of Chicago,
where I worked Vice.
You gonna finish your squash?
Have mine.
[sighs]
What is going on?
It's nothing, honey.
It's, it's not really anything.
Mom, you demoed the cake,
you're suffering phantom symptoms of menopause
so you storm out in the middle of Zack's birthday party.
It's nothing serious.
I'm just a little emotional, sweetheart,
from having thrown away my entire life
being a parent but it's nothing for you to concern yourself with.
Well, that makes me feel better.
‐[knock on door] ‐[door opens]
Everything OK? Everything's fine, Jimmy.
Kimberly and I are gonna have a little private time, OK?
Could you give us a couple of minutes
and maybe, I don't know,
trip going down the stairs?
‐[door closes] ‐[sighs]
‐Why did you say that? ‐I don't know.
I just have this urge to say whatever comes into my head.
I don't really want him to fall... much.
And what about, uh, wasting your life being a parent?
Did you mean that?
Oh, honey...
Yes.
Ah!
You children mean everything to me, so much so...
other than my job, I haven't really had time for anything else.
I don't mean the piano lessons I'm always talking about
or learning to sculpt but...
Well...
I have enough time
for my friends, really. I mean, not much...
and my friends‐‐
I do have friends, I mean...
I'm still friends with my friends.
I'm just not that close to‐‐
It's the same for them.
They have their kids and so, they don't have time for‐‐
I mean it all becomes about, the children which it should be
really.
It's... it's just that...
Well,
one day they...
grow up they're gone and... they're gone.
We'll always be your children, Mom.
I know that but we won't have that day‐to‐day relationship.
It'll be...
what did my father say, that he became...
texture, something like that,
To round out the holiday seasons, to give balance to‐‐
that's what happens with parents and their adult children.
I mean, they love each other and they get along
but the relationship
becomes artificial in a way‐‐
I'm talking here about the good ones.
A lot of parents and kids end up not even speaking much.
Look at your father and his father.
Look at Henry Bone and his son.
Look at Douglas Wambaugh and his son.
They become,
at worst, estranged, at best, cordial.
It's not a real relationship.
I don't believe that.
You and me will always be close.
I hope so.
But I thought that was my own father and then...
Hey, I'm here in this room right now, aren't I?
Well, yes, because you were in the house
when I started smashing China.
But what's the saying, "If a dish breaks in the forest
and there's no one to hear it does it make a sound?"
‐Do you want me to move back in? ‐No.
Kids move out, that's what they do.
And parents become backdrop.
I think that's what's been making me crazy, honey.
I'm gonna wake up in five years...
And yes, I'll have something to show for life
but I won't have anything really in it.
And it's just suddenly hit me.
Did I tell you or what?
Things happen when this family eats.
Yes.
My great uncle, he was a great man.
Died on vacation in Florida, one of those fancy hotels.
A coconut fell on his head, it didn't hurt him much
but he had a stroke yelling at the concierge.
[chuckle]
He was a great man.
He said that when people argue and flee the dinner table,
there's plenty for those that stay.
I'll never forget it
Doug...
please...
shut up.
[crockery clacking]
[throws towel]
[water running]
[turns off tap]
I'm sorry.
I just wanted to wing your ear.
You were mean to me.
You basically said I look like a whore.
You're mean a lot to me...
in little ways.
Small enough for me to dismiss it as my own paranoia.
But I'm not paranoid, am I?
Max...
When people are together
and they go through stuff
a lot of things...
they don't get healed.
but, uh...
I guess what I'm trying to say is,
whatever the pain,
you shouldn't throw food.
Even if you're right, which you're not,
it's selfish to be acting this out on Zack's birthday.
I know.
And since statistically your life is barely half over,
it's probably a little silly
to stomp around claiming you're finished.
You're not sick, you have plenty of time to start fresh
and you're at a party.
So why don't you start tonight?
New living, new life, no more supermom
and start having fun.
And for Zach...
start tonight.
You know something? You're right.
[laughing]
You're right.
‐Jimmy! ‐Hey.
Hey! How you doing? Come on, let's go. I feel much better.
Let's get this party going. Zachary Brock!
‐[whooping] ‐She's feeling better.
‐[door opens] ‐Zachary, where's that birthday boy?
Yes, I see.
Hey, Max...
you heard of the New Year's Eve rule?
What's that?
New Year's Eve, you're allowed to kiss anybody.
No strings, no suggestions, or nothing...
Just a kiss to satisfy the curiosity.
Oh.
Nope, never heard of that.
Aren't you at least curious?
Actually...
No.
You see...
I know exactly what it would be like,
both of us would be scared to death
of appearing to be more into it than the other.
So the kiss itself...
would be incredibly tentative.
Our lips...
would barely touch.
They'd just sort of rest...
up against each other...
and then one of us...
probably you,
would use your bottom lip
to lift up the other person's upper lip,
probably mine,
and then, maybe, our tongues would touch
a little
but it would be
so slight that...
That what?
Didn't you get enough to eat?
Oh, Henry.
Shut up!
How does that sound?
Must be nice to be a curmudgeon so you can tell people
anything you want and get away with it.
You say it to me in a courtroom, I take it.
I have to, it's your room, you're the Judge.
But you're not the Judge at the dinner table
and you don't tell people to shut up
and you don't tell me to, do you understand?
Is that it?
I'm not too old to raise my hand
and right now I‐‐ I'd like to.
And I'm not too old to smack you back.
God knows how many times I've wanted to do it.
Go ahead, do it.
What?
Mmm!
All right then.
I don't care if you have angina.
‐Come on! Come on! ‐OK! OK!
You want concussion number two?
‐Come on, make your move, I'm getting tired. ‐[door opens]
‐Come on! ‐[Kenny] Are you two nuts?
You're gonna fight?
It's none of your business. Yeah, it's my business.
I'll arrest you both for disorderly and assault.
‐You'll spend the night in jail. ‐Oh, it'll be worth it.
I've been waiting 20 years for this.
Waiting for what, to collect your benefits?
I'll crush you like a dried peanut.
‐Hey, you old coots! ‐Come on! Come on!
I don't know what the hell the problem is here
but you got to air it out and settle it like men.
Old men, which is what you are.
Mmm!
He went that way.
You know... if I mean it's because I wasn't meant to be permanent.
I beg your pardon.
I chose you because you were someone
I could be permanent with.
You chose me because of just the opposite.
You could keep control. No risk.
I was a safe, no pain choice.
When I finally figured that out‐‐
What are you talking about?
I'm saying...
sometimes hurt...
comes out mean.
Sorry.
‐[music blaring] ‐[people cheering]
♪ Used to say all the time ♪
♪ Work it out giving out all your time ♪
[Zack] Let's go!
‐[Kimberly laughing] ‐[Zack] All right!
[Matthew] Yeah!
[Zack] Yeah!
‐Jill! ‐[boys] Yeah!
‐Jill! ‐[shouting] Not now, Jimmy!
‐Let's talk. ‐Come and dance, baby!
Not now, let's talk.
‐No. ‐Yes, now!
[Jill shouting indistinctly]
[kids cheering]
[Matthew howling]
[music fades]
Douglas.
What?
I always tell you to shut up,
Why is today any different?
Well, maybe I'm sick of it.
Maybe I'm 73 years old and I'd like some respect.
‐Respect? ‐Mm‐hmm.
That's a two way street, respect.
I never tell you to shut up
and I've never been disrespectful, not to you.
You strut into my courtroom with your Douglas Wambaugh prance.
‐Douglas Wambaugh‐‐ ‐Oh, please, please.
If it's about the pope,
‐that's all ground. ‐You've been doing it for 25 years.
Making jokes, making the courtroom a joke.
You take every opportunity
to turn every trial into a circus.
It's my style.
‐It's nothing personal ‐It is personal, damn it!
Why can't you get that?
My whole life is that courtroom.
You see my family here today?
I don't exist until I put that damn robe on.
I have to believe that robe
and that room mean something.
And every time you waltz in with your Wambaugh shtick,
you tell me it doesn't.
Well, I take it personal.
I take it personal.
It may not be your intent to belittle me...
but you do it every day.
You tell Kimberly, once the kids are grown and gone,
you really have nothing in life. You said that, I heard you.
Hey, like, she said...
you're only 40 years old, you got a lot of years ahead,
you want to walk out that door and find meaning...
Do it!
I don't want to walk out.
Well, I sure as hell don't want to be on...
Stop yelling, it's Zack's birthday for God's sake!
You were breaking dishes.
You were yelling, why can't I?
Tit for tat, we both got to yell.
I didn't mean it like that.
Of course, you're important in my life, of course.
You said there would be nothing in it.
Nothing.
I heard that.
That's what I feel.
But it isn't what I know.
Part of the reason I feel it is because of you, Jimmy.
I don't get a lot of zeal coming from you every day.
You look at me tired.
you sigh when the remote's too far away.
Yes, I'm afraid of being with an old man
who walks around in retirement asking
"Who is Jimmy Brock?"
That's not a hell of a lot to look forward to.
[grumbling]
‐You're wrong. ‐I ain't wrong, Max.
it's funny...
because you'd always make fun of the girls I went out with.
The flavor of the month thing.
But then... you know, when I started to...
you know...
with you...
you bleached the hair blond...
you started talking all that trash,
all that sex stuff.
You turned yourself into one of those flavor girls.
So I'd move on and you wouldn't have to hurt me.
‐That theory is just a little too‐‐ ‐Dead on?
You turned yourself into something I wouldn't want
because you didn't want me,
at least not permanent.
Dad, stop it, this is just Mom being Mom.
She gets in these moods two or three a year.
That doesn't mean I have to bend over
every time she gets in [growling] one of these moods.
Okay, I'm gonna get the cake.
If we just get through the cake,
we'll all survive.
...jumped out a window, would you do that too?
If it was my only escape from this house, yup!
You had such beautiful hair!
Well, I became a punk, come see me when I'm a Muslim.
‐Don't speak to me like that. ‐Leave him alone.
You don't speak to me like that either.
Jimmy!
Leave your mother alone,
her life has no meaning.
‐Nice ‐[Henry] Settle down
[Zack] I don't want to settle down.
just give me the stupid presents so I can get refunds
and buy a bus ticket out of here.
‐I'll give you my credit card. ‐What the hell is going on here?
It's the mutiny of the punk boys, that's what it is.
‐It's mutiny against you. ‐Do you know what, Jimmy?
If you hadn't chosen today for a meltdown,
we'd have had a nice family party,
instead you gotta go out looking for meaning.
I'm leaving this nut house.
I'm not done with you.
You want to blame me for your limited wardrobe Henry, fine.
♪...to you ♪
[louder] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Zack ♪
‐What a beautiful cake. ‐[Douglas] I don't care!
What, no ice cream?
Ah, go ahead,
you got cake on the carpet,
tell me I'm out of line.
You know...
I am just a guest here but...
you are a judge,
and you are the town sheriff.
And you, you were once even mayor.
I never asked to be the mayor, I hated it
Nobody would listen to me. I never would have come to Rome
if I knew I was going to be the mayor.
Could somebody please tell me
how a child's birthday party
could degenerate into this?
Anybody?
I'd even welcome a theory from you.
Oh, gladly. Shall I start from the beginning
or pick it up halfway
when you spooned Kenny with the squash.
I threw the squash for a very good reason.
Well, I don't believe in having reasons.
I have multiple sclerosis, was there a reason for that?
Yes, for you to wave it in our faces
‐every time you're stupid without a reason. ‐[Kimberly] Hey.
‐I'll hit you again. ‐You never hit me once.
I'm sorry, Mr. Wambaugh, you did always tell me
that when he says shut up
it's his way of showing affection.
‐Oh, puke ‐There, you see!
‐So what's changed? ‐Nothing's changed.
It's like I said, I'm old. who knows when I could die?
‐But I want to go out with respect, that's what. ‐Mine or your own?
Now, don't you get profound with me.
[Henry] You say yourself that you play the buffoon on purpose
so people will have to laugh with you
instead of at you.
You've never had any self‐respect.
So don't go complaining when you don't get it from me.
My only complaint with you is
you're a liar.
You say you're my friend
and you give me that big deathbed speech
about not wanting to die alone.
A friend doesn't treat a friend the way you treat me, Henry.
Friendship doesn't come in a speech.
It's an everyday thing.
Oh, I tried.
I tried to make excuses for the way you act
because I'm trying to believe because...
you're a liar,
you're no friend to me.
I can't eat this without ice cream.
All right, that's one settled.
Now, what seems to be eating the two of you?
Let's just get this damn cake on the table, light the candles,
and you, young man, are gonna have a happy birthday
or you can forget about hockey playoffs.
Scoop it up.
♪ We are family ♪
‐Quiet ‐[Kenny] Max.
‐I have plates. ‐Oh, then dish it up, come on.
Hey, let's eat it right here.
Let's be wild and crazy, Zack,
the night isn't over.
You expect me to eat that cake? Looks like dog crap.
Well, it's a little mushed,
but let's, let's consider it pre‐chewed, mmm?
I am not eating that.
We can salvage this.
Come on, Zach, I'm sorry, honey.
I, I feel so bad for ruining your birthday
and now I think I'm gonna cry, which would make it even worse.
So let's just suck in a deep breath,
pretend everything's okay
and eat the cake!
Eat the cake, eat the cake.
Let's just drown it all out with cake.
‐Unbelievable, huh? ‐Yeah
You know I feel sorry for them, really,
having to come home to that every night.
Yeah.
We have our nice quiet empty houses
to go back to don't we, Max?
What are you, Lonely Judge?
Loneliness beats insanity, if you ask me.
That is just total madness.
That wasn't madness,
they were just letting off steam.
I wish my family had a dose of
whatever kind of insanity they have.
Well, great,
your evening wasn't wasted. I'm happy for you.
I feel sorry for you.
You said at the dinner table earlier,
who wants a family? Who needs all that torment?
I really feel sorry for you.
Well, don't, OK?
I'm fine, don't be crying for me.
Does anybody cry for you, Max?
[gasp]
I'm sorry.
I was just having one of my...
you know.
I know.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear Zachary ♪
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
[cheering]
Like clockwork, we're always happy by five to eleven.
Oh, never mind.
Let's bow our heads in prayer.
[praying in Jewish]
Shalom.
‐Amen. ‐Amen.
[Douglas] Do things happen when they eat, or do things happen?
Shut up.
We should be glad nobody broke wind.
Shut up.
‐Well, good night, Henry. ‐Shut up.
Douglas...
do you really want the truth from me?
You might not like hearing it.
Say what you have to say, Henry.
I do consider you my friend.
In fact, the friendship is very important to me.
But, uh...
I cherish knowing you,
having you in my life.
But when I see you coming...
often I feel dread.
Well, that's okay, Henry.
Now I know.
These are terms we can work with.
In fact, we're like family.
Family members love each other,
but they tend to drive one another crazy.
You know, now I see it, I get it.
And that's good, very good.
Yeah...
We're, we're family.
And that's it.
Good night, Henry.
Good night, my friend.
Yeah.
You'll forgive me?
Yeah, but I didn't appreciate that Muslim remark.
‐I was out of my mind. ‐"One small step..."
Excuse me?
Oh, I was thinking about
what that astronaut said when he first stepped on Mars.
[Jill] It was the Moon.
Oh, right.
[chuckling]
‐Good night, Zack. ‐Night.
And happy birthday.
‐Night. [kiss] ‐Night.
Want me to walk you in?
No, I'm fine, fine.
Okay.
You OK?
Me?
Sure. Why?
I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I know.
You, uh, think it...
You know, Judge Bone was really out of line.
What he said about me...
Yeah.
He was just using me to distract from...
Do you think what he said had...
something to do with you and me?
I don't know, Max.
Yeah, well.
Good night.
Night.
Good night, Max.
Good night.
[theme music playing]
[theme music ends]
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.