Original subtitles

[romantic music playing]

[Zack] Rats.

[computer beeping]

‐[keyboard clacking] ‐[beep]

‐[Jill] Zachary, you're not still up, are you? ‐[knock on door]

Zachary Brock, you better be in bed.

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]

‐[keyboard clacking] ‐[indistict chatter]

‐Can you fix it? ‐I don't know.

First, I have to see if it's a bad sector

or, you know, glitch in the video feedback

or maybe a problem with the scanner.

Wait a minute.

‐[keyboard clacking] ‐[beep]

[Kevin] Awesome! Keep going, man.

‐This is as far as it got. ‐Oh, this is so cool.

You put Bromley's face on that body.

You're, like, a genius, Brock.

[Zack] Well, Jurassic Park, they broke the ice,

but I'm just merely following their footsteps.

Bromley's so uptight. She'd die if she ever saw this.

I gotta have it.

You know what?

I just happen to have a copy right here.

Yes.

‐But it'll cost you. ‐Name it.

[tapping on desk]

I want to see Emily Paulson's pierced navel,

up close and personal.

No way.

‐She's your girlfriend. ‐I can't do that, Brock.

Get real.

‐Okay, fine. ‐[unzipping bag]

Okay, okay, I'll make it happen.

I don't know how, but I will.

‐Deal. ‐Yes.

[school bell ringing]

[indistinct chatter]

[kids] Bye.

[kid 1] Okay.

‐[kid 2] Yes. ‐[kid 3] Fine.

[door closes]

[keyboard clicking]

[Kenny] So, who's Don?

Kenny, does the concept of personal privacy mean anything to you?

Who's Don?

Kind of a pen‐pal, if you must know.

‐A pen‐pal? ‐Yeah, we met in a chat room.

You know, online. Computers.

Modem.

Hello?

Chat room. That's like, uh, computer dating.

Kenny, do you live in a cave?

So I don't like computers. Shoot me.

Okay.

A chat room is kind of like a bar,

only without the obnoxious drunks and smoke.

So, you sit at home, all alone, just you on the computer,

and you talk to guys on that, and that's supposed to be fun?

You can meet some very interesting people.

Let me get this straight.

You're willing to date a complete stranger

‐based on his typing ability? ‐[chuckles]

We have been trading email for weeks.

He's a veterinarian.

He loves Woody Allen films and he writes amazing poetry.

We decided to meet at O'Kelly's to decide if we wanna have a date.

Max, I don't want to burst your bubble or anything,

but you believe what a guy says to you on his computer?

I mean, ask yourself this:

what kind of a guy spends his life on a computer

trying to pick up girls?

I see thick glasses, pimples,

and one of those pocket things for his pen.

Think about it.

[indistinct chatter]

[Kevin] You lost it!

Look, are you sure I didn't give it to you?

Positive. You checked the computer lab?

Yeah, it wasn't in the A drive. Check this for me, okay?

‐Lost and found. ‐Hey, I've been there twice, come on.

Don't worry about it, man.

If you have to, you can copy one off mine.

Look, I don't need another copy.

‐So, what's the problem? ‐Are you kidding me?

If that thing should fall into the wrong hands...

[Oslo] Zachary Brock to the principal's office, please.

Zachary Brock, please report to the principal's office.

I'm a dead man.

‐[laughter] ‐[indistinct chatter]

[chuckles softly]

Are you Don?

Well, I could be.

Never mind.

[indistinct chatter]

See, right out there.

Hi.

Hey, you look great.

Maxine?

Don?

‐Hi. [chuckles] ‐Hi.

What?

Oh, it... it's just that you're taller than I expected,

but that's okay. I mean, it's not a problem.

I like to get dressed up and wear high heels sometimes.

Good. You're everything I pictured... and more.

Yeah?

Care to...

‐[chuckles softly] ‐Sure.

Well, you know, I... I knew that you had to be bright.

And since you're a cop, I thought you'd be in pretty good shape.

But you didn't tell me that you were so beautiful.

Uh...

I bet you say that to all your pen‐pals.

[chuckles] You're the first.

‐Really? ‐Well, I've never followed up on it before.

I mean, most of the stuff in the chat boards, it's so superficial.

‐Right. ‐People tend to lie about themselves,

want to be something they're not.

Exactly. You never really know who you are talking to.

But with you, I sensed a real connection.

I thought, finally, I mean, here's someone I really wanna meet.

[chuckles] Me, too.

[laughs]

Um, how about a drink?

Oh, uh, I'm on duty.

A coffee?

Yeah. Milk and a little sugar, please.

You got it.

Yes.

[Oslo] The clip stops there.

Uh, I... I don't know what to say.

I'm so sorry, Carol.

Where did you get this, young man?

It's just Ms. Bromley's face, Dad.

I morphed it onto part of a clip

that I downloaded from a website.

‐Morphed? ‐Computer term.

Zack is a very bright computer student, Mr. Brock.

‐You did this at school? ‐Partially.

Oh, Zachary.

It was just a joke.

[Jimmy] Well, it's not funny, young man,

and you owe an apology to Ms. Bromley right this second.

[Ms. Bromley] He has already apologized, Mr. Brock.

What I'd really like to know is, whether this has been given to other students?

What about it, Zachary?

No.

It was just for me, that's all.

All right then, Ms. Bromley, if you'll escort Zachary outside,

I'd like to have a few words with the sheriff and Dr. Brock.

[phone ringing]

Zachary, move along.

‐[Zack] Am I expelled? ‐Detention, young man. Two weeks.

And suspension of your computer privileges for the rest of the term.

‐[indistinct chatter] ‐[phone ringing]

‐How could you let this happen? ‐What?

How could you?

Should word of Zachary's little escapade

in virtual reality leak out,

the entire school system could be at risk.

I could be sued.

There could be criminal implications, for God's sakes.

Your son produced pornography on school property

using equipment paid for by the taxpayer's dollar.

I can't believe he could do this.

[Oslo] Well, there are plenty of people out there

just waiting to blow the lid on this whole cyberspace thing,

and I don't want any part of it.

All right, Michael, we'll talk to him.

Dad, you could have erased that on the computer.

Consider it erased.

That was the only copy, right?

Well, it's also on my hard drive.

[Jimmy] Couldn't just give a Smith Corona to the kids.

Yeah, if the typewriter's good enough for me,

I don't know why it wouldn't be good enough for these kids.

This thing's a monster,

making slaves out of us.

[pants]

This thing is off‐limits until further notice.

You understand that, young man?

And if, uh... if you ever do something,

if you ever do something like this again...

[sighs] ...I don't know what I'll do.

You... You don't want to find out.

How am I gonna do my homework?

The old fashioned way with paper and pencil.

You didn't make a copy for me?

Computers are terrible things.

I never trusted them I've always hated them.

You sons are chauvinist pigs.

‐[Jimmy] My sons? ‐Well, I certainly never

taught them to view women as tits and ass.

What, and I did?

Jill, part of this is just adole‐‐

I'm too upset, Jimmy. I don't want to talk about it.

‐The whole thing makes me sick. ‐[sighs]

Always felt Zack spent too much time in front of that damn thing.

I don't wanna talk about it, Jimmy. I'm gonna go to a movie.

I'm gonna stuff my face with malted milk balls

and forget I have a family.

‐[door slams shut] ‐What?

Kevin, Zack.

Hey, do you still have that copy of the "Z Files"?

Got it right here, my man. Why?

‐[Zack] I need it back. ‐What?

I told Oslo I had the only copy.

But we had a deal.

Hey, this is my life we are talking about here.

If my dad finds out I'm lying, he'd kill me.

Okay, okay, I'll give you the disk.

‐Copied it to the net anyway. ‐What?

[Kevin] I uploaded it onto this usenet group I know

so my cousin in Colorado could see it.

You put it on the net?

You put the "Z Files" on the World Wide Web?

Jeez, how could you be such an idiot?

Hey, don't have a cow.

I didn't know. How was I supposed to know?

I thought you'd be jazzed.

I mean, you're immortal, man.

I signed your name in everything.

Look, I don't want to be immortal.

Thousands of people could see it,

download it, distribute it.

You gotta get it back.

Okay, sure.

How?

[doorbell rings]

Don, is that you?

[Don] Expecting someone else?

Let's rock and roll.

[Max] Eh‐eh, uh, uh...

Don, are we going to a costume party?

[chuckles softly] Listen, come on,

I know a great Italian place in Stevens Point.

‐What, you want French? Chinese? ‐[chuckles]

This is a joke, right?

I mean, I know you have a sense of humor.

Oh, the dress too much for you? The...

The dress, yeah, and, uh, the hair.

Pearls.

You're wearing pumps.

‐You didn't know. ‐Know what?

That I'm a cross‐dresser?

How was I supposed to know that?

Because we met on the Mix and Match Chatboard.

What else did you expect?

Mix and Match.

See, I thought that meant "male‐female," but it doesn't, does it?

Oh, my God.

I had no idea.

When I first saw your name, Max,

I said, "Here's a gal who really knows what's going on."

‐Oh... ‐And I thought we really connected at O'Kelly's.

Me, too.

Uh... Tough luck, huh?

Okay, so we're both a bit surprised.

‐Yeah... [chuckles nervously] ‐[chuckles]

But that doesn't mean we still can't go out and have a good time.

Uh, Don, uh... I think it does.

‐Why? ‐Because you're wearing a dress.

You can't get past that, huh?

[sighs] Okay.

I understand.

Can't say that I'm not disappointed.

But, look, it was really nice getting to know you.

Drop me some email if you change your mind.

Oh!

Women aren't objects to be manipulated

like characters in some computer game, Zachary.

Is that where you got the idea, from a computer game?

No. I was just goofing around.

I mean, I like computer animation.

Do you have a particular problem with Ms. Bromley?

She's kind of strict and I thought it'd be funny.

[sighs]

Well, in my day, we'd just...

draw some silly cartoon and that would be the end of it.

The point that we're trying to make here, Zachary,

is that sex isn't a game.

It... It makes it dehumanizing and ugly.

Do you understand that, Zachary?

How would you feel

if someone did this to your mom or Kimberly?

How would you feel?

‐Awful. ‐Awful. Right.

Now, you remember that next time you think of doing something like this.

‐Yeah. ‐[Jimmy] Okay.

‐Goodnight. ‐Goodnight.

‐Goodnight, honey. Mwah. I love you. ‐Love you.

[Jimmy] Love you, too, bubala.

[door closes]

‐[fax machine beeping] ‐[indistinct chatter]

So how did it go?

‐How did what go? ‐You know, yesterday with Mr. Computer.

Oh, okay.

Hmm. Geek, right? Like I said.

In fact, he's quite gorgeous.

Gorgeous?

Handsome.

So, what, you're gonna see him again?

I don't think so.

Didn't hit it off, huh?

Actually, we had more in common that even you could imagine.

Hey, Zack.

[Edward] Okay, number 346, please.

‐Hi, Edward. ‐[gasps]

‐What do you want? ‐What I was wondering is,

how can you delete a program on the Internet

once it's posted up to a user group?

‐Do you control the user group? ‐No.

Well, then, hasta la vista, baby.

Why?

Because you... you don't control the software.

Once you upload, you can kiss goodbye.

Your stuff is floating around planet Earth

until the sys op or the web master

decides to blow it up. Bro.

What about a trap door. They gotta have a trap door, don't they?

Get out of here, okay. Go to school or something.

You are the guru of Rome.

You gotta help me.

No. You listen, pal.

Not even God can help you now, okay?

Only Bill Gates himself.

[sighs]

‐Carter? ‐Hmm.

You dated a transsexual, right?

[sighs] Once.

I went out with her once and I didn't know it at the time, okay?

I thought he was a she. Now, technically, he was a she,

but nobody knew she'd been a he.

Carter, it's okay.

Why, are you dating a transsexual?

No, I just know a...

transvestite, or a cross‐dresser actually.

Cross‐dresser, ooh.

Interesting subset of the whole transgender cohort.

It's not as uncommon as you think.

Studies show that up to 10% of American men

enjoy wearing women's clothing, especially undergarments.

‐You're kidding? ‐We're talking straight men here,

heterosexual all the way.

So it's not that weird.

Well, it's definitely weird.

Gender dysphoria, dissonance between body and brain.

Frankly, the question has transfixed psychologists for years.

It doesn't mean you shouldn't go out with the guy.

[Max] Carter,

I'm a police officer. I can't be seen out in public

with a man who dresses like a woman.

Why not? You're dressed like a man.

This is a uniform. I'd say that's different.

[Carter] Is it? Why?

Forgive me for waxing philosophical here,

but are we talking fashion statement or deviant behavior?

Food for thought.

God, Carter!

Am I that desperate that I can go out with a guy

who looks better in... than I do?

Only you can answer that.

I haven't had a date in six months.

I think I scare men.

But you don't scare him?

[scoffs] No.

He thinks I'm great.

Well, that should tell you something.

Don't you dare tell anybody about this.

[door slams shut]

[breathing]

I can't believe it. It's Ms. Bromley.

‐Yes. ‐Yes.

Take it off, baby!

‐Take it off! ‐It's outrageous.

Brock did this all by himself. That nerd.

‐Oh, man! ‐[Kevin] Hey, the guy's not without

his redeeming social values.

‐[kid] What... What happened?

‐This is as far as it goes. ‐[both] No!

Oh!

Uh... This sucks.

Problem, boys?

Ms. Bromley.

‐[Jill] How could you have let him‐‐ ‐[man] This is all your fault.

‐We shouldn't even be here. ‐[woman] Don't accuse us, Jill Brock.

‐Your son‐‐ ‐[Douglas] All right, all right.

[Jimmy] Wait a minute. Wait now.

‐We had the problem controlled. ‐[Douglas] All right.

Your son put it on the Internet.

[people talking over each other]

‐[blows whistle] ‐[people arguing]

‐All right. ‐That's the whole thing, wide open.

‐That's it. Shut up! ‐[Jimmy] Yeah, all right.

Shut up and sit down!

Eh... I sound like Henry.

She can really sue us?

Not only can she, but she is.

The four of you are being charged with negligent supervision.

The children are being named for emotional distress,

libel, and sexual harassment.

‐How can she go after the boys? ‐How can she go after us?

You're being sued for negligence.

All my son did was post a file on the Internet.

‐Well... ‐Well, according to her complaint,

they've been receiving over 600 hits an hour from around the globe.

‐You're kidding. ‐[Douglas] Oh, yes.

There's a whole new world out there.

Legally speaking, one might say, it's an untamed wilderness.

Are you suggesting Bromley might actually get away with this?

What kind of damages are we looking at here?

The suit is seeking $500, 000.

‐500? ‐What?

‐It's a nice round number. ‐Doug?

‐How could they possibly‐‐ ‐[Douglas] Relax.

‐500? Are we‐‐ ‐Relax. Relax.

I'm filing a motion to dismiss.

With any luck, we'll have this thing thrown out tomorrow.

And if that doesn't work?

Well, you start liquidating assets.

‐[sighs] ‐[Douglas] Come on, come on. Brighten up.

It's only a joke. [laughs]

So, we're gonna have to sell the house?

Of course not, Matthew.

Just don't sell the car,

at least not before I get my driver's license.

Matthew, nobody said anything about selling the house or the car, okay?

Can we change the subject, please?

Hey, Hugh Hefner, can you pass the potatoes, please?

‐Matthew! ‐Matthew!

Look, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean to do it.

Wish I never learned how to use a computer.

Ms. Bromley hates me, you guys hate me, now we're gonna lose our house.

Honey, nobody hates you,

‐and we're not gonna lose the house. ‐[sighs]

You just made a mistake, okay?

We're just disappointed that you lied to us, son.

You didn't consider anyone else's feelings.

‐Zack. Aww... [sighs] ‐[crying]

[doorbell rings]

‐Don? ‐Look, Max.

Before you close the door on the two of us,

I just wanted a chance to plead my case.

Come in.

[Don sighs]

Max, can you honestly say that you haven't been thinking about me?

Look,

when I stopped by the other night,

you saw a freak,

something perverted, scary.

It's okay. Uh... I understand.

But to me,

you were looking at a man very much in touch with his feminine side,

not afraid to express his feelings.

Come on, Don.

I mean, think about it, Max.

50 years ago, women weren't allowed to wear pants in public.

‐So? ‐Your sex has made tremendous strides.

But what about men? I mean, we're not allowed to explore our feelings,

our softer side, our gentleness.

Well, some of us refuse to go along with that.

‐But why? I mean, how‐‐ ‐How did it get started?

Mom.

She wanted a little girl.

She used to put me in dresses.

Hmm.

[Don] Anyway, I liked it.

The whole thing never really interfered with my masculine activities.

I played football in high school and college.

But didn't it affect your social life?

Inevitably, yeah.

There'd be the moment of truth.

You know, things would heat up.

I'd shuck my jeans,

and my date would notice that I was wearing halter sheers,

stuff like that.

‐[sighs] ‐I thought about repressing it.

Don't let people know.

But then I thought, "Why be ashamed?"

There's nothing wrong with me.

So, I chose my course.

No tears, no regrets.

Today, when I put on pantyhose...

I feel great.

And it's not just the thrill of the nylon.

I am striking a blow for social progress,

for breaking down stereotypes,

for promoting greater understanding between the sexes.

And if that means...

I have to go through life alone...

so be it.

That's all I have to say.

I'll leave now.

[Max] W... Wait a second.

You want a cup of coffee?

Coffee would be great.

[door closes]

[dog barking in distance]

‐He's asleep. ‐[Jill] Good.

Zack is gonna have to learn there are consequences for his actions

even if he is a kid.

Did you know

he can get pornography on that thing?

No. Uh...

I mean, buy a computer for these boys

and then we just let them lose.

I thought we were being enlightened,

‐but maybe we were just being careless. ‐[sighs]

I should have supervised him more.

How are you gonna supervise him?

You have to call Zack when you want to program a VCR.

[chuckles] Yeah, I know. [sighs]

[Jimmy] I know how to get on the terminals at work,

and that's all I know about computers. I...

I wouldn't know how to get on the Internet if my life depended on it.

We laugh about it, but, Jimmy, the fact is we haven't kept up.

Yeah.

Maybe now we gotta pay the price.

I move for immediate dismissal of all claims.

[Judge Bone] That's nice.

On what grounds?

We're talking about a practical joke, Judge.

A childhood prank

that the plaintiff has blown completely out of proportion.

Some prank.

[Douglas] You've seen the evidence.

It's obvious the plaintiff's image

has been grafted on to another woman's body.

Obvious?

Then explain why my client has received

over 300 indecent messages since this program went public.

Life requires a sense of humor, Your Honor.

Adolescent high jinks may try our patience,

but since when do they constitute

intentional infliction of emotional distress?

Now, if my clients' had placed a whoopee cushion on the plaintiff's chair

and she sat down on it,

would that entitle her to legal damages?

These are good boys, Judge.

If they're guilty of anything,

it's being 12 years old.

There was no malice involved, hence no libel.

As for sexual harassment... [laughs]

...why... why they couldn't even spell it, much less inflict it.

Now, about the parents.

Consider, Judge, you could hardly have

four more responsible adults seated before you:

a sheriff, a business executive, a guidance counselor,

and a doctor.

Can we seriously believe

these are negligent mothers and fathers?

Why, of course not.

The only reason they're here, Your Honor,

is because they're the ones with deep pockets, not the kids.

‐[man] Oh! ‐That's not true.

‐Quiet. ‐[Douglas] Public opinion is swinging

towards regulation of cyberspace.

The plaintiff saw an opportunity to jump on the bandwagon

‐and she took it. ‐He's lying.

‐Ms. Bromley, please. ‐[people murmuring]

Now, sit down.

This is no business for the courts, Judge.

It's a family issue, not a jury issue.

Apologies have been made and lessons learned.

For once, let's forget about the lawsuits,

and leave it at that.

He almost makes it sound like Tom Sawyer, doesn't he?

Childhood pranks, adolescent high jinks.

Well... let me tell you how these high jinks have affected my client.

She can't sleep for more than four hours a night.

She has chest pains from stress.

She's receiving an average of 25 lewd email messages an hour.

She cannot walk down a school corridor without being stared at,

snickered at, or talked about by both students and teachers.

In short, Your Honor,

my client's reputation and livelihood

have been destroyed overnight,

and we have a right to access responsibility.

Zachary Brock intentionally misappropriated my client's image

to perpetrate a fraud.

Kevin King intentionally sent that fraud to a public forum

where he knew anyone with access to the Internet could see it.

As for the parents,

all four signed agreements sent home by Rome Junior High

at the beginning of the school year

agreeing to supervise

their children's use of online services.

‐I don't recall signing that. ‐Yes, we did, Jimmy.

Do you remember that brochure you were going to read?

In most respects, these may be exemplary parents, Your Honor.

But by failing to monitor their children's use of what is not a toy

but a very adult tool,

they allowed a serious offense to take place.

We don't turn the car keys over to our kids and simply say,

"Go ahead, have a good time."

Nor should parents allow their children to joyride down the Internet

without proper training and care. They should have known better.

They said, they knew better,

and to claim ignorance now is to deny the truth.

The injury done is manifest.

The line of responsibility clear.

This suit must proceed.

Thank you.

Um, we'll take a one‐hour recess,

‐at which time I'll make my ruling. ‐[bangs gavel]

[indistinct chatter]

I'm telling you, she killed us in there.

Don't throw in the towel just yet.

Henry's a bulldog for the First Amendment.

We still got a good shot.

I need some air.

[indistinct chatter]

[Jill sighs]

[sighs]

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

Michael, what should I do? [sighs]

Jimmy hates computers.

I have a laptop at work, but I...

I've never been online or‐‐

‐You wanna help your children? ‐Well, of course.

I've got two words of advice for you.

Read aloud.

‐What? ‐I'm serious.

I always have read aloud to all my children,

but Zachary's 12 now.

Doesn't matter.

Despite all our pedagogical advances,

despite computers, despite... everything,

I'm convinced that reading aloud to your children

for as long as you possibly can

‐is still the best way to teach them. ‐Hmm.

And be close to them.

Really?

But don't listen to me, I'm just an old fuddy‐duddy.

I'll be lucky to have a job once this is all over.

[people murmuring]

Nothing is more sacred to me than freedom of speech.

But the First Amendment is not an absolute.

Just because the law hasn't caught up with cyberspace

doesn't mean a person can do whatever he wants out there,

any more than he can yell "Fire" in a crowded movie theater in Rome, Wisconsin.

Though this may have begun as a prank,

that's hardly where it ended.

Computers can invade privacy,

spread pornography,

and wreak havoc on people's lives

just as the plaintiff has alleged.

In my view, she has the clear right to a jury trial.

Though I also agree

that this matter would be best resolved outside a courtroom.

A settlement would avoid what would almost certainly be a long and risky trial.

Mr. Wambaugh,

your people's exposure could be extreme.

And one more thing.

And this is strictly a personal observation.

A lot of this talk about computers bringing the world together

strikes me as so much nonsense.

A person sitting alone in front of a computer screen

is not interacting with another human being.

He isn't listening to someone's voice

or looking into someone's eyes.

Perhaps it is this very disembodiment

of human contact

that encourages youngsters like Zack and Kevin

to create pornographic material,

to treat people as abstractions

rather than fellow human beings

with very real feelings.

End of speech.

Motion to dismiss denied.

‐[people gasping, chattering] ‐We'll set trial next week.

[bangs gavel]

[people murmuring]

Ms. Bromley?

Yes.

What are you doing?

I'm leaving, Zack.

[Zack] Before the trial?

I mean, I've turned in my resignation.

I can't teach here anymore.

Something you wanted?

I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry,

you know, about everything.

I didn't mean to lie to you about that other disc.

I didn't know that Kevin had put it on the net, I swear.

‐Did your parents put you up to this? ‐No.

I'm grounded. I'm not even supposed to be here.

[sighs]

I just... I didn't mean to hurt you

or embarrass you or anything.

[sighs]

I just thought, you know...

[sighs] ...I thought that...

You thought that it'd be cool.

Yeah, kind of.

But it was stupid. I mean, I know that now.

I didn't mean to... objectify you or anything.

Well...

it's all I wanted to say.

Well, I accept your apology, Zack.

But it doesn't change what happened.

I wish that I could say that it doesn't hurt,

but it does hurt.

It hurts a lot.

What you and Kevin did has changed my life.

All right, when they sit down, let me do the talking.

Judge Bone gave Bromley plenty of leverage to come in with a high number.

Now, I can never knock it down when there's a lot of screaming.

We have to present a united front.

All right, we get the point.

[Douglas] Come in. Come in, ladies. Come in.

I want you to know that we have every intention

of appealing Judge Bone's ruling,

‐and I will not be bullied by‐‐ ‐Skip the grandstanding.

Here's our terms.

Three months' salary, plus relocation, and attorneys' costs.

‐That's it? ‐Uh... deal.

I'll draw up the documents.

[Ms. Bromley] I'll let you work out the details yourselves.

But first, I'd like to say a few things.

I didn't start this suit to make money.

I wanted to set an example.

You have no idea what it's been like for me the last few days.

But Zack, he dropped by to see me.

And I realized that I'm not the only one who's suffered.

Nothing can change what happened.

But I do need the means to make a fresh start

and then we can drop the whole thing.

I know that you're good parents

because you have good kids.

And I'll miss them.

Nice girl.

‐I hope you like garlic. ‐Mm. Love it.

So how's our little experiment going?

You feel okay?

Fine. I'm feeling fine. [chuckles]

I just had a feeling that things would work out between us.

‐Right. ‐Mm.

It's just clothing after all.

So, how was your day today?

Did you bust anyone, kick some butt?

Uh... No, it was pretty quiet actually.

I just stopped a couple of people for speeding.

No butt‐kicking... today.

I'm really glad you invited me, Max.

I just find myself incredibly attracted to you.

No. Sorry, I can't. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Am I moving too fast?

Uh, no, it's not that. It's...

Well, I'm probably close‐minded and shallow and petty,

but when I spend time with a man, I like to feel like a woman.

I don't make you feel that way?

No, you make me feel like I'm out with my sister.

You know, women are always talking about

how they want a sensitive guy, a gentle guy,

someone who's interested in their lives, not just his own,

and as soon as they find one, they balk.

Face it. What women really want is that same macho jerk

they've been complaining about all along.

I know this is probably all my fault,

and I know it's probably all in my mind,

and I'm sure under all of that mascara you wear,

there's a wonderful person and that's who you really are.

But this is who I really am.

And when you leaned in to kiss me,

I thought I was just gonna...

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

[clicks tongue] Well, at least you're being honest.

That's more than I can say about most women.

See you on the Internet?

Sure.

Oh! Oh...

[Jill] "Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life

or whether that station will be held by anybody else,

these pages must show.

To begin my life with the beginning of my life,

I record that I was born as I've been informed and believe

on a Friday at 12 o'clock at night.

It was remarked that the clock began to strike

and I began to cry simultaneously."

What'd I do? It's not doing anything.

[keyboard clicking]

Where does it say that?

"In consideration of the day and hour of my birth,

it was declared by the nurse and by some sage woman in the neighborhood

who had taken a lively interest in me

several months before there was any possibility

of our becoming personally acquainted,

first, that I was destined to be unlucky in life,

and secondly, that I was privileged

to see ghosts and spirits.

Both these gifts inevitably attaching, as they believed,

to all unlucky infants of either gender,

born toward the small hours on a Friday night."

[theme music playing]

[theme music ends]